Forgetting
by Caskett1960
Summary: Post 8x07 'The Last Seduction.' The story will start in canon for that episode, but will move into AU territory after Kate receives the mysterious text from Vikram. Kate vanishes the morning after she and Castle celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Where has she gone and why? I want to thank Angie (at dtrekker) for the fantastic cover art. Contains spoilers for Season 8.
1. Happy Anniversary

**DISCLAIMERS: 'Castle' is the property of ABC Studios Productions and Andrew W. Marlowe. No copyright infringement is intended. The story is the sole property of the author and may not be archived without her permission.**

 **TITLE: Forgetting**

 **AUTHOR: Caskett1960**

 **RATING: T for now, but will change to an M at some point in the story.**

 **SUMMARY: Post 8x07 'The Last Seduction.' The story will start in canon for that episode, but will move into AU territory after Kate receives the mysterious text from Vikram. Kate vanishes the morning after she and Castle celebrate their first wedding anniversary. Where has she gone and why? I want to thank Angie (at dtrekker) for the fantastic cover art.**

 **A/N: This story has been in the planning stages for the past four or five months. It is based on a YouTube video of the same name by Jo (at TVCastleAlways). I want to thank her for giving me and my collaborator Kelly (at Uofmcowgirl) permission to write a story based on this terrific video. Kelly and Jo, I hope that I do this story the justice that it deserves. I will include a link to the video at the end of this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: Like most of my stories, this one is going to be very long. If I go where I plan on going with it, it's going to be extremely long. Probably one of the longest stories I've ever written.**

 **A/N #3: And I know the subject matter has been done to death, but trust me that I know where I'm going with it.**

 **A/N #4: While the first chapter will start like a couple of my favorite 'Castle' episodes with a '36 Hours Earlier' type of beginning, the story won't be going back and forth. I'm just doing the first chapter like that to set up the premise.**

 **A/N #5: In this story, Castle and Beckett didn't separate after 8x02. And Castle didn't learn about LokSat.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 1: Happy Anniversary**

" _Capt. Beckett, can you hear me? Can you tell me where you are?"_

" _Hospital," Kate mumbled, swatting the hand away that was shining a light into her eyes. "I just want to go home."_

" _I'm sure that you do. Your colleagues are outside. Your husband is out there, too. He's very anxious to see you."_

" _Wait!" Kate struggled to sit up. "My what?"_

 **Four Weeks Earlier**

Inside of Capt. Kate Beckett's office, Castle was setting everything up so that his surprise for his wife on this, their first wedding anniversary, would be perfect. Ryan and Esposito had helped him set up the surprise by doing things to keep their captain busy and out of her office for an hour or so in order to let Castle work his magic. He smiled as he surveyed his work before quickly leaving her office before she caught him.

***CCC***

Kate was standing in front of the coffee machine in the breakroom, her mind a whirl as she absentmindedly stirred her coffee. Things had been tense between she and Castle since her return a few months earlier. She still hadn't told him the whole story regarding her run from a death squad of mercenaries. If she did, she might as well kill him herself. Because if she told him about LokSat, he'd start looking into it and get himself killed. He'd almost done exactly that while he was searching for her. No, her mind was made up. For everybody's safety, no one could know what she and Vikram Singh had been running from.

Today was hers' and Castle's first wedding anniversary. She smiled when she remembered that late afternoon exactly one year before when they'd stood together in the Hamptons and pledged their lives to one another. She didn't know how to make Castle understand that he had her heart. He _was_ her heart. Which was why she had to keep him safe. But she hated that there still had to be secrets between them. She didn't understand why they couldn't just live a normal life like other married couples. Even her parents had had a normal life until her mother's murder.

She left the breakroom and walked across the hall to her office, where she found Castle putting the finishing touches on something on her desk. "Castle, what're you doing?"

"Oh," he turned around, looking much like a small boy who'd got caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. "I . . . I . . . I was waiting for you," he gave her the grin that she always loved; the one that told her that he was into mischief. "Ryan and Esposito—"

"Were acting as lookouts? Well, your lookouts must've got called away," she walked over to her desk.

There was a small box on top of her desk. When she opened it, she saw a small red button. Pushing it sent a Mylar balloon floating up toward the ceiling. Smiling in delight, Kate saw a small note attached to a string on the balloon. Kate opened it and smiled at Rick's familiar handwriting. _'Have dinner with me tonight. Rick.'_

"It's our anniversary, Kate," he gently reminded her. "I just want to celebrate a quiet dinner with you. No questions about where you were, no accusations. Just a quiet dinner and maybe some sexy fun," he waggled his eyebrows at her. "I mean, what's an anniversary without sex?"

Kate's brownish green eyes met Castle's blue ones. There weren't enough words to describe how much she loved him. She hated how she was hurting him. "Have you made reservations?"

"No, but I can. Wherever you'd like to go."

"Actually, I was thinking that I'd like a quiet evening at home. Just you and me."

"So, you'll have dinner with me tonight?"

"Of course," she approached him, stopping short when she heard a light knock on her door. Rolling her eyes, she called out, "Come in!"

"Capt. Beckett?" Vikram Singh stuck his head in the doorway.

"Vikram, come on in."

"What's going on?" He looked at the balloon still hanging from the ceiling.

"Nothing. Castle was surprising me for our anniversary. I'll see you around seven," she looked at Castle, who grinned and nodded before leaving. "We're having dinner tonight for our anniversary."

"Kate, do you think it's wise of you to stay with Castle? Don't you worry about him figuring out about LokSat?"

"He won't."

"But what if he does?"

"Vikram, relax. I've been back home for two months now and Castle isn't investigating anything about our missing time. I love him. He's my husband. So, what have you got?"

Vikram went over some information with Kate regarding their current case before going back to the IT lab. Once in there and alone, he removed a phone from his pocket and made a phone call. "What is it, Singh?" The voice on the phone answered with a snarl. "I told you not to call unless there was an issue. Is there an issue?"

"I'm worried that Beckett is going to tell Castle about the organization. The man is like a dog with a bone. He won't let it go until he finds out everything."

"Where is Capt. Beckett now?"

"She's still here, but she's planning on having dinner with Castle tonight. It's their anniversary."

"Meet me at the usual place at five o'clock. We'll figure out a plan."

"Got it," Vikram was about to say something further, but the line went dead.

Kate left the precinct after seven, walking down the street to the parking garage to get her car. Walking toward the garage took her past Remy's, the hamburger joint that was practically an institution in the neighborhood. She smiled remembering all of the meals she and Castle had shared inside of Remy's. Meals that had solidified their friendship in the early years and even now, thinking of sharing burgers, fries and obscenely thick shakes sounded like the perfect anniversary dinner. She opened the door and stepped inside. "Hey, Capt. Beckett!" One of the waitresses called out to her. "Are you eating here or are you getting something to go?"

"To go, Mandy," she stepped up to the counter. "I need mine and Castle's usual, except leave off the onions on his."

"You've got it," Mandy wrote down the order before going back to clip it for the cook to get it. "How is Castle? I haven't seen him lately."

"He's good. His P.I. business keeps him pretty busy."

"So, I take it that you have plans," Mandy gave Kate a sly smile. "You did say to leave the onions off of his burger."

"Today's our anniversary," Kate smiled shyly.

"Wow, it's been a year already? Congratulations."

"Thank you."

***CCC***

At the loft, Castle was looking for a bottle of the red wine that he knew his wife loved. "What are you looking for, Rick?" Lucy, his new home security system asked from the end of the counter.

"Today is mine and Kate's anniversary. I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but it means a lot to me, in light of everything that's happened in the last few months."

"What do you mean, Rick?"

"I just wish . . . I just wish that she would trust me enough to open up to me about what happened when she and Vikram were on the run."

"Maybe you should stop pushing the issue. Let her tell you when she's ready. I thought that you love her."

"I do."

"Then, give her the space that she needs to figure things out. I'm sure that she'll tell you what's going on when she's ready."

"Have I ever told you that you were definitely money well spent." 

"Thank you, Rick."

"No. Thank _you_ , Lucy."

Moments later, he heard Kate's key in the front door, followed seconds later by his beautiful wife. "Good evening, Kate," Lucy chimed in before Castle had a chance to speak. "Rick and I were just talking about you."

"Were you?" Kate gave the computerized gadget on the counter a strange look as she walked up to Rick, holding out the Remy's bag. "I brought dinner."

"Remy's," he kissed her before taking the bags. "Perfect."

"I ordered your burger without onions. For later," she clarified.

"What's happening later, Rick?" Lucy asked.

"Castle, could you please shut that . . . that . . . _thing_ off for tonight?" Kate pointed at the triangle that Castle had bought weeks earlier as some sort of new age home security system. She felt like the device hated her. Was jealous of her even, which she knew was ridiculous.

"Lucy, quiet," Castle ordered the device.

"As you wish, Rick," Lucy said before going into silent mode. Silent but still ever listening.

Castle placed their meals on plates before bringing them over to the sofa along with their milkshakes. "How was your day?" He asked, taking a bite of his burger.

"Long, uneventful. By the way, right after you left, I got showered with confetti from my ceiling."

"Oh. I didn't have time to work all of the bugs out of my anniversary surprise. The confetti was supposed to fall when you pressed the button that triggered the balloon. What can I say? Engineering isn't my strong suit."

"It was still very sweet, even if the confetti was delayed," she moved closer and kissed him. "Happy anniversary, Rick."

"Happy birthday, Kate," he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her until she was in his lap. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

***CCC***

"Sooner or later, Castle's going to figure out what's going on. He's going to figure out that Kate is still looking into you. So far, I've been able to lead her down blind alleys, but how long is that going to last?" Vikram was obviously on edge, pacing back and forth in the small room.

"You worry too much. I've got things under control. Shortly after you and Capt. Beckett returned to the land of the living, I had a listening device sent to the Castle's home."

"You bugged their home? What if one of them gets suspicious and does a sweep?"

"This device can't be picked up by a sweeper."

"How can you be sure?"

"Mr. Singh, while I appreciate your paranoia, might I remind you that I was an operative for a very long time. Long before you were even a gleam in your father's eye. Believe me when I tell you that I know what I'm doing. I have plans for Capt. Beckett. When I'm done with her, she's barely going to remember her name, much less anything about our organization."

 **A/N #6: Don't accuse me of dragging this story out. I'm reminding everybody up front that it's going to be very long.**

 **A/N #7: Here's the link for the video: www dot youtube dot com backslash watch?v=gPgL8Y92KBE**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

 **Tumblr: Caskett1960**

 **Facebook: Wylie dot Cindy at Yahoo dot com**


	2. Disappearing Acts

**DISCLAIMERS: Nope.**

 **SUMMARY: Beckett disappears again. A person from the past joins in the investigation.**

 **A/N #1: Thanks again to Jo (at TVCastleAlways) for the great video 'Forgetting' and Angie (at dtrekker) for the great cover art. And thanks to my bud Kelly (at Uofmcowgirl) for the support and constant source of ideas for this story. And also for giving me a kick in the pants when I need it.**

 **A/N #2: And please bear with me, because some things for right now are going to be shrouded in mystery.**

 **A/N #3: In this story, Kate will have her Always bracelet back.**

 **A/N #4: I want to thank everybody for the awesome response to Chapter 1. For the guest reviewer who is concerned that I'm going to be rehashing the episodes, believe me when I say I'm not that lazy. My plan is for my story to make much more sense and to be far more believable than what the showrunners gave us.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 2: Disappearing Acts**

It was the vibrating sound of Kate's cell phone sliding on her nightstand that woke Castle up the next morning. Keeping an eye on his wife, who was still soundly sleeping, he quietly crept from their bed and walked to the other side of the bed, picking up her phone and reading the rather cryptic message on the screen. **'Unknown. Find a private place and call me ASAP. Urgent.'**

The night before had been wonderful. As promised, he hadn't once mentioned the two days that Kate had been missing nor had he asked what it was that she had got mixed up in. Instead, after eating dinner, they'd taken a shower together and fallen into bed, where they hungrily made love for the next few hours, reveling in their time together. It had been late when they'd finally fallen asleep in each other's arms.

But now it was a new day and he found himself once again becoming angry at the fact that his wife was once again keeping secrets from him. He longed to shake her awake and demand to know who was texting her at barely six o'clock in the morning. But instead, he decided to just play it cool. Getting pissed off wasn't going to get him the answers that he craved.

Castle quietly replaced Kate's phone before once again walking to his side of the bed and climbing under the covers, smiling when he felt Kate automatically curl herself into him. "Morning," she kissed the top of his shoulder.

"Morning," he answered with a kiss to the top of her head. "Uh, I think your phone was vibrating a second ago."

"Oh?" She rolled over and picked it up, squinting at the message before sitting up in bed.

"Is everything all right?" He asked, noting the way she was frowning at the phone.

"Yeah, fine," she threw back the covers and got up. "I need to get ready for work. Are you coming by later?"

"Yeah. I have some stuff to catch up on at work, but I should be there early this afternoon."

Kate quickly dressed, kissing Castle goodbye before leaving the loft. Once out on the street, she pulled out her cell phone and called Vikram as she got behind the wheel of her car. "Vikram, why are you texting me at the crack of dawn? Did you find something?"

"Meet me at Houston and Third. It's an abandoned strip club. I've kind of made it into LokSat Central."

"You do realize I'm not on a burner phone? Don't say his name over the phone," Kate warned the analyst.

"Sorry, my bad. I'll see you in 20."

Kate shook away the irritation that she was feeling toward Vikram as she started her car and left the parking garage of the loft, pulling into early morning traffic as she drove toward the address she'd been given. When she pulled up to the curb, she saw that the place appeared to be just as sleazy as the way she'd pictured it in her head when she'd spoken to Vikram. She got out of her car and locked it before walking over and pulling the door opened.

The inside was dark and dingy. There were still old neon signs as well as stripper poles in the middle of the room. But lined up along the bar she saw several laptops that were up and running. However, the former AG analyst was nowhere in sight. "Vikram? Are you here? How did you manage to find this place, anyway? I guess when you're not busy trying to find ties to LokSat, you can always keep in shape using the stripper poles. Come on, Vikram! You called me! I have a precinct to run! I don't have time for this shit!"

Kate heard footsteps behind her, but before she even had a chance to react, a strong arm came around her and a cloth was pressed over her mouth. Managing to break free, Kate made a run toward the back of the club, her senses reeling from the chloroform. She was seeing two of everything as she reached for the handle on the emergency exit, but then she felt an explosion in the small of her back. She fell, hitting her head on the door handle. "I could've told you that she'd fight," Vikram stood over Kate's body.

"Get her into the SUV. Then get her car out of here. And make sure that you turn her cell phone off."

***CCC***

"Good morning, Richard," Martha breezed into the loft as if she still lived there. "How was your dinner with Katherine?"

"Mother, you know that I don't kiss and tell," Castle looked at his mother over the kitchen counters. "What brings you here so bright and early?"

"I was hoping to catch Kate before she left for the precinct. I brought her a little something that I thought she might like. Will you be seeing her later today?"

"Yeah. I have to stop by the office to check on the girls and then I'm going to the Twelfth."

"Well, when you see her, give this to her. I saw it in a little shop in Chelsea and it made me think of her," she handed Richard a small gift-wrapped box.

"Thanks, Mother. I'll give it to her when I see her later."

"Richard, is everything all right? Please tell me that you and Katherine aren't still arguing about where she was for those two days. I thought we all agreed that you were going to let it drop."

"I haven't asked her anything else about it. I have to go," he kissed her on the cheek. "Will you make sure that you lock up when you leave?"

"Of course, darling."

When Castle arrived at his P.I. office a short time later, he found his assistant, Hayley Shipton, set up at his desk, entering information on his laptop. "Good morning, Rick. How was your anniversary dinner with Kate?"

"It was nice."

"Nice? Rick, you were celebrating your first wedding anniversary. I would expect you of all people to be more effusive in your description. I would expect hot, exciting, sexy. I would not expect 'nice' to be how you would describe it."

"I need for you to do something for me, but please don't ask me any questions. Can you track Kate's phone?"

"Rick—"

"I told you not to ask any questions. Can you track Kate's phone or not?"

"Yes, I can track it. I thought that you and Kate were done with the secrets."

"I thought that we were, too. Let me know what you find," he pulled down the copy of Edgar Allan Poe that opened his back office and went in, closing the door behind him.

Hayley was in the middle of doing the trace when the office door opened and Alexis walked in. "I think your dad has gone off his rocker."

"How so?"

"He wants me to track Kate's phone, but he won't tell me why. You don't suppose that this has anything to do with that nonsense from back in September, do you?"

"I don't know. Did you ask him?"

"He told me to just do the trace and to not question him about it. You might have better luck asking him than I did. He's in there," she pointed to the closed door behind her.

Castle was sitting at his desk staring at the picture on his desk; the picture taken of him and Beckett on their wedding day. He couldn't help but wonder if she was in some kind of trouble once again. He glanced up when he heard the door open, giving Alexis a small smile. "Hi, pumpkin."

"Dad, what's going on? Hayley said that you asked her to track Kate's phone."

"Alexis—"

"No, dad. If you think that Kate's into something, I have a right to know."

"Her phone was vibrating this morning. I went to get it, because Kate was still asleep. There was a text message on it. It was from an unknown number. It just said for her to go somewhere private and call whoever it was. ASAP. Alexis, I'm worried for her. Someone killed Bracken for a reason. I still don't know what he told Kate when she visited him at the prison. But someone didn't want him talking. I think that's why they killed him."

"Dad, do you think that Bracken was the end? I mean, we know that he ordered the contract on Kate's mother, but what if he wasn't at the top of the food chain? What if there's someone else out there who was higher up than him?"

"Sweetie, Kate and I talked about that. I don't know why Bracken was killed, but I don't think that it had anything to do with her mother or her colleagues."

"I also don't think that it was connected to Johanna Beckett. But remember the whole Future Forward thing that Kate saw when she ran into Vulcan Simmons? What if that was something else other than a Super Pac? Vulcan Simmons was a big-time drug dealer. I'm sure that he had other partners besides Bracken."

"I hear what you're saying, Alexis, but Kate and I have already talked about all of this. I just want to know where she is. I have to know if she's safe."

"Rick," they looked up when Hayley came in, her expression grave, "I can't track Kate's phone. She either has the GPS turned off or the phone itself is disabled."

"Maybe she's in a meeting at the precinct or at 1PP," Alexis suggested hopefully.

"Yeah, maybe," Castle got to his feet. "I'm going to go to the precinct. I'll call you when I find out anything."

"Rick?" Hayley called out.

"Yeah?"

"Although I couldn't track her phone, I might have better luck tracking Kate's car. I'll get to work on that while you're gone."

"Okay. Thanks, Hayley."

***CCC***

" _It's about your mother."_

" _Rick? I love you."_

Kate opened her eyes, her vision blurry and her head pounding. She reached her hand up and felt a patch of gauze on her forehead. "How are you feeling?" She heard a strange voice coming from up above.

"Who are you? Where am I?"

"Who I am really doesn't matter. And neither does your location. I need some information from you. Your answers will determine how soon I release you."

"Look Jackass, stop playing games and just tell me what's going on!"

"How much do you know about my organization?"

Now Kate was really confused. What organization? What had she stumbled into? She noticed a strange sight on her right wrist. A bracelet. And by the looks of it obviously a very expensive bracelet. She carefully examined it, taking stock of the diamonds and the word 'Always' inscribed in the middle of it. The bracelet was a gift from somebody, but who? "I don't know anything about any organization."

"What did William Bracken tell you about me?"

Kate struggled to sit up, feeling slightly nauseous in the process. "I don't know any William Bracken."

"She's playing games," one of the two people observing Kate said to the other.

"Possibly. Maybe not. She did strike her head fairly hard. We could use this to our advantage."

"Hello?" Kate called out.

"Capt. Beckett, I'm going to ask you again. What did William Bracken tell you about me and my organization?" A disembodied voice asked her.

"First off, I'm not a captain. And I've already told you that I don't know anybody named William Bracken. You've got me confused with someone else."

"Should we contact Flynn? Have him question her? He'll be able to tell if she's lying to us."

"Call him. Where is Vikram?"

"He's back at the precinct."

"Get him back here. In the meantime, get Flynn up here as soon as you can arrange it."

Kate was looking around the room, wondering where she was and how she'd got here. In addition to the expensive bracelet, she'd also noticed a wedding ring on her left ring finger. Had Montgomery sent her to protect a witness and things had gone sideways? She needed to call her boss to find out. And where was Ryan and Esposito?

She jumped when she heard the disembodied voice overhead once again. "Capt. Beckett, can you answer a few questions for me?"

"I don't know why you keep calling me captain. I'm not a captain. I'm Det. Kate Beckett, badge number 41319. Was I in an accident? I know that I have a bandage on my head. Did I hit my head in an accident? Did someone attack me? Who are you? Why won't you talk to me in person?"

"You did hit your head in an accident. Do you remember what happened before the accident? Where you were? Who you talked to?"

"I . . . I got a call from my captain. I was supposed to be meeting him."

"Meeting him where?"

Where indeed? Kate didn't remember. She remembered that she'd spoken to Roy on the phone. He'd found evidence about . . . about what? Why couldn't she remember? "I don't remember. My head is killing me. Can I get some aspirin?"

"Soon," the voice answered before everything went silent.

***CCC***

Ryan and Esposito were working at their desks when Castle came running from off of the elevator. "Hey, have you guys seen Beckett?"

"No, we thought that she was still with you _celebrating_ ," Ryan smiled.

"Guys, I think that she might be in trouble again."

"Why? What makes you think she's in trouble?" Espo looked up from his paperwork. "Because she's not here? Maybe she had a meeting at 1PP that we didn't know about. After all, she doesn't exactly make us privy to every moment of her life."

"No, there were no meetings at 1PP. I've already checked. This morning she got a text on her phone from an unknown caller, asking her to get to a private location and contact him or her ASAP. I asked Hayley to track her phone and she's either turned it off or the GPS is disabled. She's tracking her car now. But, my gut is telling me that something is wrong."

"Because your gut has such magical properties?" Espo quipped, stopping when he saw the look on Castle's face. "Look, Bro. I get that you're worried, especially after what happened a few months ago, but you have to remember that Beckett's been doing this for a long time. If she needs us, she'll call. Get some coffee and relax. I'm sure she's fine."

Castle walked into the breakroom, irritated that nobody took his worries seriously. Deep down, he knew that something was wrong. Kate had been acting strangely ever since she'd been found in September. He turned and walked back over to the boys. "Is Vikram here?"

"Yeah, he should be in the IT lab," Ryan answered.

Vikram was in his little corner of the Twelfth, working on several cases when Castle entered the room. "Where's Beckett?" He asked, coming straight to the point.

"Excuse me?"

"I asked you where Beckett is. She's missing. The last time she went missing, you were with her."

"Well, obviously I'm not with her this time. I haven't seen Kate since late yesterday afternoon."

"What were the two of you running from?"

"We were running from whoever killed Senator Bracken after your wife went to visit him."

"Why did she go visit him in the first place? What happened in DC to send you running to Kate?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I found. All I do know is whatever I found caused the deaths of Kate's former AG team the next day. They almost killed me and Kate, Castle."

"I know. They almost killed me, too, because they thought I knew where she was." Castle was about to say something further when his cell phone rang. He stepped out when he saw Hayley's name on the caller id. "Hey, Hayley? What do you have?"

"Castle, I've tracked Kate's car to an abandoned strip club at the corner of Houston and Third. I checked traffic cams in the area and her car's been there for a while."

"Define 'a while,'" Castle glanced at his watch.

"The last three hours."

"Thanks, Hayley," he ended the call and went back to the boys. "Hayley found Kate's car in front of an abandoned strip club at Houston and Third. She said judging by traffic cams, her car's been there for the past three hours."

"Let's go and see what's going on," Espo grabbed his jacket as all three men ran for the elevator.

***CCC***

Kate didn't realize that she'd fallen asleep until she opened her eyes once again and found a man sitting in a chair beside her bed. If she were asked to describe him, she'd say he was in his mid-30's, dark hair, slightly receding, slight build. His face also seemed to be set in what could only be described as a perpetual smirk. "Are you a doctor?" She asked, struggling to sit up.

"You could say that. I'm here to ask you a few questions. Assess your mental state, you could say. Let's start with the simple questions, shall we? Your name?"

"Kate . . . Katherine Beckett."

"Date of birth?"

"November 17, 1979."

"Parent's names?"

"James and Johanna Beckett."

"Marital status?"

"Single."

Flynn's eyebrow quirked up. "You're not married? But you're wearing—"

"A wedding ring? Yes, I know. It must be part of my undercover assignment. So, is this bracelet, although I'm surprised that they gave me something so expensive to wear on an assignment. Is this a hospital?"

"You could say that. Let's continue, shall we? What is your relationship with novelist Richard Castle?"

"Castle? He's shadowing me for research for a new character that he's created. We don't have a relationship. In fact, I told him that I was done with him following me."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"It's a long story. If I got hurt, someone should contact my captain to let him know where I arm and let him know that I'm all right."

"We have. And he wants you to continue the assignment."

"How can I continue an assignment when I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing?"

"We'll fill in the gaps for you. For now, you should probably rest. I'll make sure that you get something to eat."

"You didn't tell me your name," she pointed out to him when he got up to leave.

"Get some rest," he left the room, making sure that the door was soundly locked behind him. He then walked over to an elevator and hit the 'up' button. Once upstairs, he slid a keycard through a slot that opened a door into a room that was lined with banks of CCTV's. "Kate Beckett's memory for the last seven years is gone. I couldn't have done it more effectively myself."

"You're sure she doesn't remember anything?"

"I was trained by the best. Believe me when I tell you she has no memory."

"Let's keep her under lock and key for a while. I want to make sure it's safe to release her. I want to be absolutely sure she can't lead anybody back to us; back to the organization. Flynn, she's your responsibility. Don't fail me."

"I won't."

***CCC***

When they arrived at the strip club, Espo parked behind Beckett's abandoned car. "Stay behind us, Castle," he warned when they entered the club.

"Like hell I'm staying out here," Castle growled before running into the building behind the boys.

The club was completely empty, but it was apparent someone had been there. "According to the city, this place has been empty for almost a year, but there's no dust," Ryan walked around the inside. "The inside of this place should be covered in layers of dust."

"Someone's been here recently," Castle began walking toward the back of the club. "Hey, I think I found something!"

Ryan and Esposito followed the sound of his voice to the back fire door, where they saw streaks of blood on the door and on the floor leading out of the club. "I'll contact CSU," Espo took out his phone.

"Espo?" Ryan called out from the women's bathroom doorway. "You'd better also call the FBI. Beckett's purse, badge and phone are in here. Someone wants us to know they have her."

"This is Det. Javier Esposito, Badge Number 41077. I need CSU at the corner of Houston and Third, The Pink Lady Gentleman's Club. And put me through to the New York Office of the FBI."

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	3. The Search Begins

**SUMMARY: A person from the past arrives to assist in the search for Beckett.**

 **A/N #1: This is the text messages between me and Kelly for the ideas for this chapter. Me: 'Hey, do we want Sorensen for the FBI guy? I was thinking that the tension between him and Castle would be great, plus it would eventually add to Beckett's confusion. Kelly: 'Oh yea! Great idea!' Thus, the return of Will Sorensen.**

 **A/N #2: Once I again I want to thank Kelly for the idea, Angie ( dtrekker) for the wonderful cover art and Jo ( CastleTVAlways) for the video this story is based on.**

 **A/N #3: Thanks again for the great response. For the guest reviewer who asked about the length of Kate's hair, that question will come up in this chapter. Also, for the reviewers who are worried about the whole memory loss issue, it's not going to overshadow everything else.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 3: The Search Begins**

Castle was standing at the back doorway of the abandoned strip club, staring at the streaks of blood on the emergency exit door. His thoughts immediately went back to that morning in September when he'd found the bracelet that he'd given Kate just hours earlier in a pool of blood. A large pool of blood. "FBI is sending someone," he turned when he heard Espo talking behind him. "Castle, we're going to find her."

"I have to find out what happened back in September. Because whatever happened back then is why she's missing now."

"We don't know that."

"Yes, we do. You two," he waved his finger back and forth between Espo and Ryan, who was working nearby, "just don't want to see it. Why else would she be missing now? Why hasn't she told any of us what really happened back then? Why haven't you two questioned Vikram? Why haven't you hooked him up to a polygraph and interrogated the fuck out of him?" His final words came out as a snarl.

"Because there hasn't been a reason to. Castle, you need to calm down. Wherever Beckett is, we're going to find her."

"This is just so hard," Castle began walking back and forth, raking his hand through his hair. "How many more times am I going to have to face something like this? First it was the cemetery, and then Neiman, and then whatever happened in September. How many more times, Espo?"

"Bro, I don't know. But, I do know this much and so do you. Beckett's the toughest woman we know. Whatever has happened, wherever she is right now, she's going to make it through. Because she's a total badass."

Castle was about to reply when he saw a figure striding toward them that caused his heart to sink into his stomach. "Sorensen."

"What?" Espo turned around and saw the FBI agent approaching them.

"Det. Esposito, Mr. Castle," Sorensen held his hand out as both men shook. "I understand that Kate is missing."

"Yes. She received a mysterious text message this morning. We managed to track her car here and we found blood," Espo pointed at the door. "CSU sent it to the lab and they confirmed that it's Beckett's blood."

"Did you see who took her?"

"Our IT guy at the precinct is still checking traffic cams from the area. So far, nothing."

"Maybe Ryan could assist him," Castle said as Espo and Sorensen both looked at him. "I'm just saying, Vikram was with Beckett when she disappeared the last time. We still don't know why he was with her."

"I'll talk to him soon. What did the text message say?"

Castle sighed as he repeated the message for what felt like the tenth time. "It was from an unknown caller. It said for her to go somewhere private and contact this person ASAP."

"How did you learn that she'd been here?"

"I had my assistant track the GPS in Kate's car."

"When we got here, we found blood on the emergency exit door and on the floor. It looks like she might've hit her head and fell to the floor," Ryan contributed to the conversation. "I also found her purse, badge, and cell phone in the ladies' restroom."

"Have you had her phone checked to see who she's been talking to?"

"Not yet."

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'll get right on it," Ryan looked at Espo, who nodded.

"I want to meet Vikram. I'll also give Castle a ride back to the precinct," Sorensen offered as Castle nodded. "We'll meet you at the Twelfth, Esposito."

"Right."

Castle followed Sorensen to his black SUV, waiting for him to unlock the car. "I see that you haven't lost your penchant for black Suburban's," he quipped as he got into the front passenger seat.

"What can I say? They're very non-descript," he threw back, using a line that Castle had used years before when he and Kate had interviewed a mobster in the backseat of one of the feds black SUV's. "Congratulations on your marriage, by the way."

"Thank you. Congratulations on yours, too. So, is your wife a fed?"

"Sort of. She works for the U.S. Attorney's Office."

"Please tell me it's not Hard Candy."

"No," Sorensen laughed, as he pulled into traffic, "but she does work for her. Let's get back to Beckett. You mentioned that she went missing a few months back."

"Yeah, back in September. It was the first day of her being captain. She got a phone call that was supposedly from a telemarketer. I learned later that it was really Vikram. I still don't know what he told her that sent her running. She got shot. I almost got killed trying to find her. It was a world class cluster fuck."

"She hasn't told you what happened?" He asked as Castle shook his head.

"All that she'll tell me is she can't tell me about those two days. I think that it has something to do with William Bracken. The man who killed her mother."

"I know who Bracken is, Castle. I read the news and I saw it on TV. Plus, I made it a point to follow his trial."

"You and me both. Anyway, I found out Beckett had been to see him at the prison. He about freaked when I came to see him. Right after I visited him, someone shanked him in his cell."

"Beckett is a master of subtext. Has she said anything that you could possibly read between the lines?"

"No. I've thought about that. I've tried to find out everything that I could about those two days. We've had arguments about it. She's even threatened to leave if I didn't let it go. I love her, so I decided to let it go. I figure that she'll tell me when she's ready."

"Unless—"

"Unless what?"

"Nothing," he shook his head as he pulled up to the curb in front of the precinct. "Lead me to Vikram."

Vikram was in the computer room, supposedly checking out traffic cams related to Beckett's disappearance, but right now he was looking at everything but. He glanced over when Sorensen and Castle entered the room. "Any word on Beckett?" He asked.

"No. Have you seen anything on the traffic cams?" Castle looked at the bank of video monitors showing streets around the strip club.

"No."

"Mr. Singh, I'm Special Agent Will Sorensen. I've been called in to check into Capt. Beckett's disappearance. When was the last time that you saw her?" 

"Yesterday afternoon when I was getting ready to leave. She was in her office. That was at around five or a little after."

"You've got your hands full," Sorensen sat in a chair beside the analyst, looking at the monitors surrounding him. "Isn't this a lot for one guy?"

"Sometimes. But I'm used to it."

"Castle, why don't you go and get us some coffee. I take mine black, two sugars. Mr. Singh?"

"No, thanks. I'm good."

"Fetch your coffee? Are you serious right now?" Castle muttered under his breath while he walked to the breakroom.

"How long have you worked here at the Twelfth?" Sorensen asked after Castle had left.

"Uh, almost two months. Capt. Beckett hired me after I helped her with some stuff."

"By any chance, would that 'stuff' have anything to do with why she was missing for two days back then? Why were you and Beckett on the run back in September? I want the truth, Singh, because you have to know that my next step is going to be a trip to DC to speak to your former bosses."

"Before late September, I was a lowly analyst working in a boring job at the Attorney General's office. One day, I saw that someone had done a keyword search for Senator William Bracken. The files were heavily redacted and I couldn't make heads or tails out of them. But I remembered that Bracken had been arrested for the murder of Beckett's mother and when I did some digging, I learned that she'd worked at the AG's office for a brief period two years ago. Right after I started researching, her former team was killed in a car accident. I figured that whoever killed them was going to come after me next, so I came here and found Beckett. I warned her that we were both in danger."

"Did you ever find out who was chasing you?"

"No. Only that they were serious judging by the number of hit squads that they sent after us. Judging by the fact that after Beckett went to the prison to talk to Bracken, someone killed him. So, whoever it was meant business."

"Do you think they're still after you?"

"I don't know. I didn't think so, but now that Beckett's missing," Vikram shrugged, leaving the rest of his sentence unspoken.

"Do you still have access to the files that you came across?"

"No. When I quit the AG's office, I lost access to their database."

"But you and I both know that you can probably still access those files, Mr. Singh."

"I can, but I haven't and I won't. Living a life on the run isn't exactly my cup of tea. Have you talked to Castle? Because things have been tense between him and Capt. Beckett since our return. They've even had a number of rather loud arguments here in the precinct."

"I'll be talking to everybody, including Mr. Castle."

"I'm not the only one who heard these arguments."

"I guess that I should let you get back to work. Here's my card," Sorensen placed a white business card in front of Vikram, without saying anything further about Castle. "If you see anything, I want to be called immediately."

"I will," Vikram waited until Sorensen had left and was out of earshot before he took his phone from his pocket and dialed. "We have problems. The FBI is now involved."

"Relax. This is exactly what we were expecting. Just keep them off of the traffic cam footage. Come to the compound this evening at six."

"Why?"

"Just get here," the call ended.

***CCC***

"How is Beckett? Has she remembered anything?"

"No. What's in there?" Flynn asked, pointing at a small suitcase in the woman's hand.

"I went and got some of Beckett's clothes from her apartment."

"You did what? Are you insane? Did anyone see you?"

"No. I slipped in via the building next door. That way, I could bypass the doorman. I'm sure that she'll want to shower when she's feeling a bit more coherent. Have you talked to Singh?"

"A while ago. They've brought in the FBI."

"Instruct him to turn his attention to the traffic cams on Broome street in front of Mr. Castle's loft."

"Why?"

"Just tell him to do it. You have your job to do and so do I."

Flynn waited for his associate to leave the room before taking out his phone and sending a quick text message to Vikram. **'New instructions. Track the traffic cams on Broome in front of the Castle's loft. Don't ask any questions.'**

He then picked up the suitcase and made his way through the huge house to the room where Kate had been put up. Seeing that she was still sleeping, he placed the articles of clothing in the chest of drawers as quietly as he could. He'd just finished when she stirred and woke up. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"My head still hurts and I still feel fuzzy."

"I just came to make sure that you were all right. I thought that you might want to take a shower. That will probably make you feel better."

"Yeah, a shower would be great," she ran her hand through her hair, frowning when she felt the long, tangled locks.

"Is something wrong?"

"Why is my hair long? I haven't had long hair since I was a patrol officer."

"Extensions?" Flynn suggested with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure, I guess," she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Did you ever tell me your name? Because if you did, I can't remember it."

"Well, people call me a lot of things, but you can call me Flynn."

"Okay, Mr. Flynn—"

"No, not Mister. Just Flynn."

"When are the feds coming to get you?"

"Soon, I think. I'm going to be testifying in a couple of weeks, if they don't postpone it again."

"Yeah, they do that a lot in trials. Where's the bathroom? I'm sure that I knew at one time, but my head—"

"Down the hall to your left."

"Thank you," she walked over to the chest of drawers that he'd just filled and removed a t-shirt along with a pair of yoga pants and her underwear.

Walking down the hall to the bathroom, Kate marveled at the house. It was huge. Apparently, the feebies were going all out to make sure that their witness was well taken care of. This wasn't her first babysitting job in a safe house, but it was by far the nicest dwelling she'd stayed in, as far as safe houses went.

She closed and locked the bathroom door before walking over to the glass-enclosed shower and turning it on, adjusting the water temperature before stripping out of her clothes. It was then that she stared at her naked reflection in shock. There were three scars on her body, two relatively old, but one fairly recent, judging by the still reddish color of it. She reached her fingers up to a round puckered scar between her breasts. There was no doubt about what it was. When had she gotten shot? Why didn't she remember anything? Should they be calling a doctor for her? What if she failed to protect her witness? There'd be hell to pay, for sure. Montgomery would have her busted back down to traffic. Flynn told her that she'd tripped over an area rug. When had that happened? Why didn't she remember anything except for her name and the fact that she was a cop?

***CCC***

Castle was sitting at Kate's desk in her office when Sorensen walked in and took a seat in a nearby chair, pulling it up to the edge of her desk. "Did you talk to Vikram?"

"I did. Castle, I need to tread carefully with that guy. If he's involved in Kate's disappearance, the last thing that I want is for him to take off and leave us with nothing."

"What do you think of him?"

"Right now, I don't think anything of him, one way or the other."

"You're not going to show me your cards, are you?"

"No, I'm not. Seriously though, Castle," Sorensen looked Castle in the eye. "Kate trusted your intuition all those years ago. If you think that I should be looking into Singh, then I'll be looking into him."

"As a writer, I'm always the guy who's looking for the story. I don't know what his story is. I don't know what story he gave Kate that would send her on the run and leave me out of the loop. Because that Kate Beckett hasn't existed in a while. Not since before I proposed to her. Whatever it is, there's a reason why she doesn't want me knowing. But now I'm afraid that my lack of information could get her killed."

"I'll see what I can find out. In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can get Mr. Singh some assistance in scrubbing those traffic cams. I'd hate for him to miss something," he looked at Castle before pulling out his cell and leaving the room.

Castle got up to go to the breakroom and ran into Ryan. "Castle, I checked Beckett's phone. I saw the text that you were talking about and I traced it, but—"

"Let me guess. It came from a burner phone," Castle finished as Ryan nodded. "So, we have nothing."

"Maybe not. CSU found tire tracks in back of the club. Tires with big tread, which means a van or an SUV. They took impressions and gave them to Vikram to check for make and model. Hopefully it'll lead somewhere."

"Guys?" They turned to find Vikram standing near them. "Where's that FBI guy? Because I found something that he needs to see."

"I'll find Sorensen and meet you in the lab," Castle told Ryan, before walking off to find Sorensen.

"I'll try to be home this evening. I love you, too. Bye," Sorensen put his phone away and saw Castle watching him. "I was just letting Christine know that I'd be late. And I've got someone coming from in DC to help with video surveillance. He should be here in a few hours."

"Vikram found something on the traffic cam," Castle turned and began walking toward Vikram's computer room, wishing that he could place a call to Kate and let her know that he loved her. Right now, he really hated Sorensen and his happy life with his bride.

The two men walked in and stood next to Ryan, who was standing behind Vikram. "This is the traffic cam on the corner of Broome Street. This was footage from about an hour ago," Vikram started the video feed again and the four men watched a woman exiting the apartment, carrying a small suitcase in her hand. She then walked to the curb and hailed a cab.

"That's not Beckett," Castle said.

"Are you sure? After all, I've heard rumors that the two of you have been heard fighting here in the precinct."

"If Kate had wanted to leave, she would have told me. She wouldn't have planned some elaborate cover-up to do it."

"Clean up the footage and I'll run it through facial recognition," Ryan instructed Vikram. 

"It might take me some time. After all, I'm still going through traffic cam footage from the area around the strip club."

"About that. Could you also check the security cams around the back of the club?"

"According to the owner, they've been disabled for some time."

"You spoke to the owner?" Ryan asked, his expression showing irritation.

"I needed the footage from any cameras on the property. That's when he told me that he'd had the cameras disabled when the club went belly up."

"Check cameras within five blocks of the club. We need to find any vehicles that might have been leaving from the back area of the strip club," Sorensen ordered.

"I'll get on it, but keep in mind, I'm kind of a one-man band here," Vikram sighed before focusing his attention back on his bank of video monitors.

"Just get me the footage from in front of Castle's loft as soon as possible," Ryan snapped before the three men left the room.

"You need to talk to Eduardo," Castle said.

"Who's Eduardo?" Sorensen asked.

"He's the doorman at my building. If that is Kate, he would've seen her. Nobody goes into the lobby without Eduardo or whoever is working seeing them."

"Then let's go and have a chat with Eduardo."

***CCC***

"How long have I been here?" Kate asked, walking into the front room after her shower.

"A few days. Why?"

"Did a doctor see me after my fall? I mean, my bosses won't be happy if I can't do my job."

"You were seen by a doctor, who diagnosed you with a mild to moderate concussion. He prescribed rest and some aspirin. He said you should be fine in a few days. You still don't remember the fall?"

"No. It's funny, because I've never been particularly clumsy."

"We all have tripped over the rug at one time or another since we've been here. The offending rug has since been removed."

"'We?' How many other people are here?"

"Right now just the two of us. One of the other cops will be here later to deliver food, but he never stays. Speaking of food, what're you hungry for? Pizza? Thai? Indian? Whatever you like, we can have. The feds are sparing no expense to keep me happy."

' _I wasn't sure what you were hungry for. So I brought Italian, Thai, Sushi. I even brought a couple of hot dogs.'_

"Capt. Beckett? Is something wrong?"

"I'm . . . I'm not sure. Why again do you keep calling me Capt. Beckett? I have no desire to be a captain."

"They told me that you were in charge, so I just assumed that you were a captain or an inspector. Captain just seems to sound better. So, are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I am, actually. Anything sounds okay to me. I'm not picky."

"I was thinking General Tsao's Chicken. So, is Chinese okay?"

"Chinese sounds great. Can I look around the house? I've never guarded anyone in a house quite like this."

"Like I said, they want me happy. A happy witness is more likely to testify than an unhappy one. Sure, look around. I'm going to call our food in."

"Do I have my phone?"

"No. The feds didn't want you bringing it with you."

"Yet you have a phone."

"The house phone," he pointed to a phone on a nearby table. "It's the only phone in the house."

"I should check in."

"You already did," he saw how confused she suddenly looked. "You called your boss last night before you went to bed. I know that you don't remember, but it's like that sometimes with a concussion."

"Maybe I should check in again. I mean, I'm usually required to check in at least once a day."

"Like I said, you called last night and he just said to continue the mission."

"Continue the mission?" Where had she heard those words before?

"Capt. Beckett? Are you sure that you're all right?"

"I'm going to look around and make sure everything's locked down," she left the room before Flynn could say anything further.

Nothing made any sense. Flynn had told her that she'd been in the house for a few days, but she couldn't remember arriving at the house or anything about the man that she was supposed to be protecting. She'd looked at the cut on her forehead before getting into the shower. It seemed to be relatively minor, but she also knew that the brain was a very strange organ.

Once she was out of the room, Flynn placed a call to Vikram, instructing him to bring Chinese food when he came to the house that evening. "Has she remembered anything?"

"No, and that could play into our favor. I can't stay on the line because she'll be back any second."

"If she recognizes me—"

"She won't. Right now, she barely recognizes herself. You need to relax."

Kate walked through the kitchen to the back door, staring out at a huge, sparkling swimming pool. For some reason, it reminded her of another swimming pool, but she couldn't remember when and she couldn't remember where it had been. "It's a heated pool," she turned to find Flynn standing in the doorway.

"It looks nice."

"The food will be here in about an hour."

"Why were you asking me about my relationship with Castle?" He gave her a questioning look, so she continued. "When we first talked, you asked me about my relationship with Castle. Why were you interested?"

"I read some articles that said that he was writing a character based on you, so I was just wondering if you were—"

"Together? Uh, no. In fact, I ordered him to stop shadowing me. I haven't seen him in weeks."

"Why did you ask him to stop? I read that he was actually helpful with your cases."

"He was," she admitted. "It's complicated and I really don't want to talk about it with a stranger."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

Kate walked over to the refrigerator and opened it, removing a bottle of water before closing the door again. "I revealed something very personal to him and he took advantage of it. That's all that I'm going to say about it. So, who are you testifying against?"

Flynn was at a loss. He hadn't really expected to have to come up with a cover story. The original plan was to find out how much, if anything, Kate Beckett knew about LokSat and who she'd told about the organization. Her memory loss had changed the whole ball of wax. "It's a big racketeering case. I was their bookkeeper. I kind of know where all of the bodies are buried, so to speak," he lied.

"They're going to relocate you after you testify?"

"That's the plan, if I make it out of the courthouse alive."

***CCC***

Eduardo Reyes, the longtime doorman at the Broome Street loft, was standing in his usual position outside of the front doors of the building when he spotted Mr. Castle approaching him along with two other men. "Good afternoon, Mr. Castle."

"Hello, Eduardo. Eduardo, you remember Det. Ryan, don't you?" The doorman nodded, shaking Ryan's hand. "This is Special Agent Will Sorensen of the FBI. He has some questions for you."

"Mr. Reyes, have you seen Mrs. Castle today?" Will cut right to the chase.

"Yes, sir. Earlier this morning, right around eight o'clock. She told me good morning and went to get her car from the garage."

"Did you see her after that?"

"No, just this morning."

"Have you been at your post since this morning?"

"Yes, sir. I go to lunch in half an hour, but I've been right here since seven this morning."

"Is this Mrs. Castle?" Will showed Eduardo the surveillance picture taken a couple of hours earlier.

"It looks like her, but when I saw Mrs. Castle this morning, she wasn't dressed like that. She had on a dark skirt and a white blouse."

"Those are the clothes she was wearing when she left," Castle confirmed.

"Eduardo," Ryan spoke up, "is there another way to get into this building without being seen by any of the doormen?"

"Sure. Through the building next door. Some of the staff will do that when they don't want management to know that they're late for their shift."

"Thank you, Eduardo. You've been a lot of help," the three men stepped away and Sorensen looked at Ryan. "We need to get CSU down here and dust those doors for fingerprints. They also need to dust the inside of the loft."

"You know that it's probably going to be a waste of time," Ryan said.

"I know, but let's do it, anyway."

***CCC***

Castle walked into the loft early that evening and immediately walked over to his silver liquor cart, pouring two fingers of Single Malt Scotch into a cut glass tumbler and downing it in two gulps, gasping as it burned down his throat. He was getting ready to pour a second glass when he heard a key in the lock. He turned in his tracks, hopeful that it was Kate. Instead, his face fell when Alexis walked in. "Has there been any word?" She asked, walking over and pouring herself a drink as her father watched with a raised eyebrow.

"No. Someone came to the loft and got some of Kate's things. CSU dusted for prints, but I doubt they're going to find anything. I just keep asking myself what it was that she was mixed up in. What made her and Vikram go on the run? Why did they kill Bracken? Did he tell her anything before he was murdered?"

"Dad, Hayley and I were talking about that," Alexis took her glass and went to sit down. "I know that he's the one who ordered the hit on Johanna Beckett, but what if he wasn't at the top of the food chain? What if there was at least one other person? Do you remember when you arrested that chauffeur for attempting to kill him? He wouldn't talk. But you and Kate said that Bracken knew who the guy was working for, but he wouldn't tell you. What if that guy is The Big Cheese, so to speak?"

"That chauffeur is in prison. I could talk to Sorensen about maybe going to talk to him. In the meantime, tomorrow I want you and Hayley to find out everything that you can about both Bracken and Vikram Singh. Because I know damn well that Vikram is involved in this up to his eyeballs. I just can't prove it."

"Who came to the loft, dad?"

"I don't know. Here's a copy of the surveillance picture. Take this and see if you can run it through facial recognition. Ryan's on it, but he's trying to help with locating Beckett. I want us to take as much of the load as we're able to. We have to find her, Alexis."

"I know, dad, and we will. Whoever this is, she made it a point to make herself look enough like Beckett to raise suspicions."

***CCC***

The doorbell rang at six. Flynn started to look through the peep hole, but Kate stopped him. "I'm the cop and you're the witness," she looked out of the hole and turned back to Flynn. "It's an Indian guy holding bags of food."

"That's the other cop. His name is Singh. He's safe."

Kate stared at the security keypad beside the door. "I don't remember the code."

"Two-two-one-three-zero."

Kate entered the numbers and heard the alarm code beep before she unlocked the numerous locks on the door and let the man in. "Thank you," Vikram stepped into the house. "I can't stay. I brought Chinese food."

"What is your name? I have a concussion, so I can't remember shit," Kate said.

"Oh. Vikram. Vikram Singh. You don't remember anything?"

"My name and that's about it."

"Wow, that's got to be really weird."

"You have no idea," she suddenly stopped, frowning slightly.

' _You were right. I had no idea.'_

' _So, you liked it?'_

' _Yeah.'_

' _Even the part where I-'_

' _Especially that part.'_

"Capt. Beckett?" She turned to find Flynn staring at her.

"I'm just hungry."

"I should go," Vikram gave Flynn a pointed look as the other man nodded.

Walking to the dining room, Kate had never felt more confused in her life. Why in the hell was she having dreams in the middle of the day? Dreams where she'd been in bed with Richard Castle?

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	4. Suspicious Minds

**DISCLAIMERS: No, the show isn't mine.**

 **SUMMARY: Suspicions begin to grow as Kate starts to wonder what is truly going on in the supposed 'safe house.' There will be two time jumps in this chapter; a small one at the beginning and a significant one toward the end.**

 **A/N #1: I want to thank Marc G. for giving me a direction for this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: And, I want to also thank Kelly, Jo, and Angie for the story idea, the video and the cover art, in that order.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 4: Suspicious Minds**

 _A week following Kate's disappearance_

A week. Seven days. Kate had been missing for exactly one week. The police and the FBI were no closer to finding out anything than they had been on day one. Facial recognition on the photo of the woman leaving the loft with a suitcase full of Kate's belongings had been inconclusive. "Inconclusive?" Castle remembered shouting at his daughter and Hayley when they'd delivered the news to him. "How can it be inconclusive?"

"Rick, the woman, whoever she is, bore enough of a resemblance to Kate that facial recognition couldn't 100 percent rule out that it wasn't her," Hayley had explained. "Is it at all possible that she could have left of her own volition?"

"No! Not a chance in hell! We were happy, Hayley! Kate was happy! She would've told me otherwise! What about Vikram and Bracken? Is there any connection between them?"

"No," Alexis had answered. "Before joining the Twelfth, Vikram had worked as an analyst for the AG's office for the past several years. We're still looking into both of them, but so far there haven't been any red flags. Dad, we're trying."

"I know. I know," he'd hugged his daughter, kissing the top of her head.

Now, here it was a week later and Sorensen had asked to see him. Castle had a feeling that he knew what the FBI agent was going to tell him and he didn't want to hear it. "Coffee?" Sorensen had asked when Castle walked into the makeshift office that Esposito had given him.

"Yeah, thanks," Castle sat down, watching while Sorensen made two cups of coffee and brought one over to him.

"You look like shit," Sorensen bluntly stated the fact before going over and sitting behind his desk.

"Yeah, well your wife vanishing into thin air will have that effect on a guy," Castle commented dryly.

"About that," Sorensen took a deep breath before continuing. "My bosses want me in DC. I've been told to wrap things up here."

"They think that she orchestrated this? Do you think that?"

"No, I don't think she orchestrated this. All of the evidence at the strip club points to an abduction, but Castle, we haven't found anything else. I promise that the moment something else pops up, I'll be on the first plane back here. But I have my orders." 

"When do you have to go?"

"I have to be in DC in the morning. I'm catching a flight out later this afternoon. Castle, while I'm there, I'll go to the AG's office and try to get some information about Singh."

"Can you get the file that he saw that brought him here?"

"I'll try, but I'm not promising anything. I'll do what I can. I'm sorry. I'd stay here and search under every rock for Kate if I could—"

"I know. You have a job to do. Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why haven't you checked into Vikram before now?"

"I was told not to. I'm doing this on my own time, Castle. If I get caught, my bosses will hang my ass from a flagpole."

"Then just make sure that you don't get caught."

"Maybe I should take you with me," he joked.

"Maybe you should. I can get into places that you couldn't without fear of losing my job or having my ass hung from a flagpole."

"Can your assistant get into the AG's computers?"

"Are you kidding? Hayley could hack into the White House's computers if I asked her to."

"I'm taking the four o'clock flight from JFK."

"I'll be there."

***CCC***

A week. Kate had been in this house for a week. And in that week, her cop instinct's had begun to kick into high gear. Things were beginning to bother her. Things that should've been setting off huge red flags in her normal brain. But right now, Kate knew that her brain was far from normal. Her witness, Flynn, was a nice enough man, but something about him was off.

First, he was supposed to be a bookkeeper for racketeers. But every time Kate had asked him who it was he was supposed to be testifying against, he always managed to change the subject. Secondly, why was she the only cop protecting him? Kate had worked at protecting witnesses in safe houses before. Those other times there had always been at least one, and often times, at least two or three other cops working with her. Third, why did he know the alarm code for the security system? The security system was there for the witness's protection. Under normal circumstances, the witness wouldn't be privy to the code.

And then there was the matter of the telephone. The lone telephone in this whole huge house. It seemed to go out at weird times. Like when Kate wanted to place a call in to Montgomery to find out when Flynn was going to be moved. Flynn had explained the outages by telling her that it was an old, outdated telephone system. That explanation would've satisfied Kate if it weren't for the fact that it always seemed to work fine when Flynn would call in their meal orders every night.

Finally, if things weren't already strange enough, Kate had discovered a locked door upstairs. A door that was protected by a lock that could only be accessed with a key card. "What does this lead to?" Kate remembered asking Flynn a few days after her arrival in the house.

"I don't know. I've even searched for a key card to check it out for myself."

Now here it was seven days in and Kate just wanted to leave. She wanted to check in to see if Montgomery could send someone to replace her. Karpowski maybe, or one of the boys. "Are you okay, Captain?" Flynn asked her, sensing her restless mood that rainy fall afternoon.

"I really wish that you would stop calling me that!" Kate snapped at him. "I've told you that I'm not a captain!"

"Why do you consider it such an insult? Most women would consider being in a position of such authority an honor."

"I've watched my captain have to deal with bullshit from the mayor, the Chief of Police, even the governor. I've watched him have to suck up to people who he'd never have to deal with on an ordinary basis. I'm happy being a lead detective. I like being out on the street with my team, bringing justice to people who wouldn't get it otherwise."

"So, you have no desire to move higher up?"

"No. What about you? Are you happy just being a bookkeeper for mobsters?"

"I was. I have to admit that it paid very well and most of them are actually pretty nice people."

"Then why testify against them?"

"Because as much as I liked my employers, that's how much I dislike prison cells."

"Do you have a first name? Or is Flynn your first name? I know that you don't like being called 'Mister.'"

"You're just full of questions today, aren't you?"

"I have to do something. There's no TV and no books."

"There's a chess board and a backgammon board. Do you play either? I also think I saw a Scrabble board."

"Scrabble?"

"Yeah. Do you play?"

' _The only thing I have left to bet is this shirt.'_

' _I'll take that bet.'_

"Det. Beckett?" She looked at him. At least he hadn't called her 'Captain' again. "Are you all right? You looked a thousand miles away."

"I'm fine. Can you have Vikram bring some books when he brings the food tonight? I have some paperbacks in my desk at the precinct. Ryan and Espo can direct him to them. Or he can call my dad about getting some from my apartment."

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

Upstairs, the two watchers were observing everything on CCTV. "We're going to have to get her out of here soon. If we don't, she's liable to try to run. If she gets free, she'll bring her colleagues straight to this house."

"Don't worry about it. I've got everything covered. Just be ready to move when I give the orders."

"She's getting very suspicious. Amnesia or not, she's a threat to our operation."

"I said I've got it under control."

***CCC***

Sorensen and Castle walked into the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington, DC, where Kate had worked briefly just two years before. They were met by her former boss and Sorensen's current boss, Chief Carl Villante. "I was sorry to hear about Kate's disappearance," Chief Villante said after shaking Castle's hand.

"Then why won't you let Agent Sorensen continue to work the case?"

"Because there have been no new developments. Agent Sorensen has kept me apprised of the case and right now, I just feel that his services would be more useful on other cases."

"We'd like to talk to Vikram Singh's supervisor," Sorensen said, looking his boss in the eyes.

"Why? Doesn't Mr. Singh work in New York now?"

"Chief Villante, Kate met Vikram Singh in mid-September," Castle began the tale for what seemed too many times to count. "He called her with information that sent the two of them on the run for almost two days. They were both almost killed, as was I."

"He told me that he'd discovered a file," Sorensen continued the tale. "Someone had done a keyword search for Sen. William Bracken. Whatever was in that file is what caused Singh to call Beckett. Someone didn't want whatever was in that file getting out. We need to see if we can discover what was in that file."

"Do you think that whatever they ran from is why Kate is gone now?"

"Yes. Kate would never tell me who was after them. I don't know if it's because it was too frightening or whether she's trying to protect me and my family. My guess is it's probably the latter. Whatever is in that file might give us clues on how to find her. I don't believe that Kate left on her own. I believe that she's being held by someone."

"But if she's trying to protect you, whatever is in that file could also place you in danger," Villante pointed out.

"Right now, that's a risk that I'm willing to take if it will find Kate. Right now, my only concern is getting her back safely."

"What do you think, Agent Sorensen?"

"I agree with Mr. Castle. I don't think that Kate left voluntarily. I think someone entered the Castle's loft with some of her things and deliberately let themselves be caught on traffic cam footage to make us think that. But, as Mr. Castle pointed out, if Kate had left on her own, she would've at least left a note."

"She also would've left through the front entrance of the building. The doorman never saw Kate enter or leave after she left our apartment earlier that morning."

"Then I suggest that we go to the IT department and talk to Mr. Singh's former co-workers."

"Thank you," Castle blew out a grateful breath. "Thank you for not thinking that I'm crazy."

"I never thought that you were crazy, Mr. Castle. Nosy and intrusive, yes. Crazy, no."

Accessing the elevator with his keycard, they went upstairs to the IT Department. Villante went in search of Vikram's former supervisor while Castle and Sorensen looked around at the rows upon rows of computer monitors lining the room. "Do you think we're going to learn anything?" Castle whispered.

"If not, can Hayley still get in?"

"If she says she can get in, she can get in."

"Why again is she no longer with MI-6?" Sorensen asked.

"Long story. One I still haven't completely learned."

"Agent Sorensen, I'm Gloria Findlay. Vikram was one of my top analysts. In fact, I was sorry to lose him to the NYPD. What can I help you with today?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" Sorensen asked.

"Of course. We can talk in my office."

They walked into a small glass enclosed office that reminded Castle of Kate's office at the precinct. There were family pictures prominently featured on the woman's desk. "Ms. Findlay, I'm Richard Castle," Castle introduced himself. "Vikram works for my wife at the Twelfth Precinct. Did Vikram give any reason for suddenly wanting to leave the FBI?"

"No," she shook her head. "He requested emergency leave in September and after that, he put in his notice."

"Did he say what that emergency was?" Sorensen asked.

"No. He rarely asked for time off, so I was more than happy to grant his request."

"In September, shortly after he left the FBI and went to New York, he contacted Mr. Castle's wife, Det. Kate Beckett of the NYPD. She had worked here briefly a couple of years before, but they had never met. He told me when I talked to him that he'd found out that someone had done a keyword search which led to some files that had heavily redacted information on them. We need to try to find out which files Mr. Singh accidentally came across."

"That might be difficult because our analysts never use the same computer from one shift to the next."

"Yes, but you should still have his former id number that he used to log into his computer. That never changes, although the computer terminal does," Villante said.

"Mr. Singh was a valued employee during his time here. I don't feel comfortable turning over his personal information without a search warrant."

"Then we'll see about getting one," Villante stood and left the room with Sorensen and Castle. They didn't speak until they reached the elevator. "There's not a judge in DC that will give you a warrant, Will. You don't have probable cause. Get me some more information and I might be able to do something about getting into Singh's personnel file. Until then, I need you here on a case. Mr. Castle, I'm truly sorry. I wish that there was more that I could do."

"Thank you for trying," Castle shook Villante's hand once again.

"I'll see Mr. Castle out and then I'll meet you upstairs," Will walked outside with Castle. "The less I know about your next steps, the better it's going to be for the both of us. Call me if you find out anything."

"I will." Castle waited until Will had gone back into the building before taking out his cell phone and calling the P.I. office. "Hayley, it's me. I need for you to hack into the FBI's database and get a look at Vikram Singh's personnel file. Can you do that?"

"Does a tiger have stripes? I'm on it right now."

"Great. Once you're in, see if you can locate the file that started this whole mess. It's something to do with Sen. William Bracken. Let me know if you find it. I'll be flying back to New York in a couple of hours."

"I'm on it, Rick. Have a safe flight."

When he landed back in New York, Castle took a cab directly to the P.I. office. The second that he opened the door, Alexis launched herself at him. "Dad, we think that we found something!" She grabbed his hand and tugged him back toward his office.

"Correction," Hayley held a sheaf of papers out toward Castle. "We don't think we found something. We _found_ something. The file is heavily redacted, as Vikram said, but there is mention in several places of something or _someone_ by the name of LokSat. We've done a keyword search for that name and nothing comes up."

"I've never heard of it before. Sorensen was still trying to get the okay to talk to Bracken's former chauffeur, but that's been a bust, so far. If LokSat is mentioned so many times in this file, it has to mean something. There has to be something about it somewhere." 

"Maybe it's like Dreamworld was," Alexis pointed out. "Maybe it's something that we're not supposed to know anything about. Maybe it's some CIA thing."

"Well, whatever or whoever it is, somebody doesn't want it getting out. That could explain why Kate and Vikram were on the run. It could also explain why they took Kate."

"It could also explain why she wouldn't tell you anything. She knows you, dad. She knew that you'd get mixed up in it, just like DC."

"Well, this time we have to find out what's going on. It might be the only way we're able to find Kate."

***CCC***

 _Three weeks later_

Kate was in the front room, alone for once. Flynn was taking a shower or whatever it was that he did for extended periods of time. For some reason, maybe it was her cop's intuition, the guy was seriously starting to wig her out. Except for at night when she went to bed and when she was in the bathroom, he made it a point to never let her out of his sight. But now she was alone and she intended to take full advantage before her housemate returned. She walked over to the phone and carefully lifted the receiver. She took a deep breath before quickly dialing Montgomery's cell phone number. 'We're sorry, but the number you've dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again.' Kate frowned, but redialed, thinking that maybe she entered the number in wrong, only to get the same recorded message. Hanging up, she called the next number on her list, praying that someone picked up this time.

Esposito was working on paperwork when the phone on his desk rang. "Esposito!" He answered into the phone.

"Espo, it's me."

"Beckett!" He shouted as Ryan looked at him. "Beckett, where in the hell are you? We've been searching everywhere for you!"

"Espo, I don't know where I am. I just tried to call Roy's number, but it said it was no longer in service. Can you trace this call?"

"We're on it! Beckett, why did you try to call Montgomery's—" he didn't get to finish the sentence because the line went dead. "Beckett? Hello? Damn!" He slammed the receiver down. "Call Sorensen! Tell him to get his ass back here! And call Castle, too! Tell him that we just heard from Beckett!"

Back at the house, Kate was left with dead air after the phone went dead. "Who were you calling?" Flynn asked, walking back into the room, his hair damp from his shower.

"I was trying to see if I had new instructions. The phone went dead, as usual."

"I told you, it's an old phone system."

"I've been here for weeks. Surely the feds are getting ready to take you into protective custody by now."

"You're bored. I get it. I'll tell you what. When I call Singh later, I'll have him bring replacements. You can return to your precinct and your life."

"How is it that you're calling the shots? My captain is the one who should be sending replacements. But for some reason, I can't reach my captain. However, I did reach one of my colleagues and he said they've been searching everywhere for me—"

Kate never heard any footsteps, but she was suddenly hit with several thousand bolts of electricity, which sent her crumpling to the floor in a heap. "Get her into the van! Why weren't you watching her! She got a call through to her people! You were supposed to be watching her every second! Those were your orders! Never let her out of your sight! Now we have to change our plans."

When Kate woke up, she was belted into the backseat of a vehicle with dark tinted windows that was cruising on the interstate. Her mouth was dry and her head was pounding. "Excuse me? Where are we?"

"I was ordered to take you back to the Twelfth Precinct. Your captain called and told us to bring you back."

"No," Kate shook her head. Something wasn't right. "Who are you?"

"Don't worry about who I am. I'm returning you back to the precinct. You can sort everything out there."

Was this how it felt when you dropped acid? Kate had never taken recreational drugs, but she'd read enough books and had seen enough movies to wonder if this was what an LSD trip felt like. Was she dreaming? She didn't have time to think about it because the van was stopping curbside and she heard a door sliding opened. She looked at the driver and looked outside, wondering if she was going to be shot if she left the vehicle. She finally decided to take her chances and exit the van. The second that she did, the door closed and the van shot away from the curb. Kate looked up at the familiar façade of the Twelfth Precinct and entered the building. Walking past the desk sergeant who immediately tried to stop her, Kate got on the elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor.

When she stepped off of the elevator, heads turned as she walked toward the office door of her captain, only to see a group huddled around the desks of Ryan and Esposito. It was Ryan who spotted her first. "Beckett? Are you okay?"

Castle's jaw fell and tears sprang to his eyes as he ran over and embraced her, holding her for the first time in four weeks. "Kate," he whispered into her hair. "Thank god you're all right."

"Castle!" She shoved him away. "What the hell? What are you doing here? Will?" She finally noticed her former boyfriend standing with the others. "What're you doing here? Would someone please tell me what in the hell is going on? I tried to call Roy, but his number was disconnected. I hit my head. He told me that it was on an area rug, but I don't remember anything. Right now, I just feel really, really strange."

And with that, she tumbled to the floor in a heap.

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	5. Culture Shock

**DISCLAIMERS: Still not mine.**

 **SUMMARY: Kate returns home to a world that she doesn't understand.**

 **A/N #1: Thanks to Kelly (at UofMCowgirl) for the idea, Jo (at TVCastleAlways) for the amazing video this story is based on, and Angie (at Dtrekker) for the wonderful cover art.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 5: Culture Shock**

"Capt. Beckett, can you hear me? Can you tell me where you are?"

"Hospital," Kate mumbled, swatting the hand away that was shining a light into her eyes. "I just want to go home."

"I'm sure that you do. Your colleagues are outside. Your husband is out there, too. He's very anxious to see you."

"Wait!" Kate struggled to sit up. "My what?"

"Your husband." The doctor, a woman in her mid-40's stood back as Kate struggled to sit up. "I saw that you have some small electrical burns in the small of your back. They appear to have come from a stun gun."

"I felt a shock and then I passed out. It might've been a stun gun, but I don't know. I didn't see anything. When can I go home?"

"Soon. How do you feel?"

"Confused. Did you tell me your name and I just don't remember it?"

"I did tell you when you were first brought in, but you were still pretty out of it. I'm Dr. Mallard."

"Like the doctor on 'NCIS?'"

"Exactly. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"No, go ahead."

"What is the last thing that you remember before your disappearance? You do realize that you've been missing for 29 days?"

"I was working an assignment in a safe house. At least that's what I was told. I was meeting Capt. Montgomery."

"Do you remember where you were supposed to be meeting him?"

"No," she shook her head. "Maybe Ryan and Esposito would know?"

"Maybe. You can ask them in a few minutes. One more question and I'll send them in. Can you tell me what year it is?"

"2009."

"Let me go and get your colleagues."

Castle, Ryan and Esposito were all waiting in the hallway, anxiously waiting for the doctor to come out of the trauma room to give them a report on Kate. "Should I call my family and her dad to let them know that she's okay?" Castle asked.

"Let's wait to see what the doctor says, first," Espo suggested.

"Mr. Castle?" Dr. Mallard stepped up to the three of them. "Physically, Kate is basically unharmed. She has some small electrical burns on her back that might have come from a stun gun. Her mental state, on the other hand, is far more unclear. I would like her to be assessed by one of our psychiatrists."

"Doctor, she called earlier and said that she'd tried to call our former captain's phone number, but it was out of service. The thing is, Capt. Montgomery has been dead for five years."

"That's why I'd like to have her examined by one of our psychiatrists. Kate is extremely confused right now and she's also missing quite a bit of time."

"How much time exactly?" Castle asked.

"Mr. Castle, your wife thinks that it's 2009. The memory loss could have been caused by any number of things. A traumatic head injury or it could have a chemical element to it. She knows her name, which is extremely good, but—"

"She doesn't remember me?"

"I'm not sure what she remembers of you. I think for right now it would be best if her colleagues go in and talk to her before you go in to see her."

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed. "Is it all right if I call our family and let them know that she's safe?"

"Yes, that would be a good idea. Gentlemen, if you'll follow me," the doctor turned and went back down the hallway.

When Ryan and Esposito entered the small trauma room, Kate was pulling on her boots, apparently getting ready to flee. "Where are you going?" Espo asked.

"Home to my apartment."

"Kate, your home is Castle's loft," Ryan said. "You sublet your apartment to your cousin Sophia."

"Have either of you called Roy to let him know I'm here? I'm sure that he has questions about what went on in the safe house." She noticed a quick look pass between the two detectives. "What? What other surprises do you have for me besides my marriage to Castle, which I'd never believe in a million years."

"It's about Capt. Montgomery, Kate," Ryan cleared his throat before speaking again. "He's dead. He's been dead for just over four years."

"No," she shook her head in disbelief. "That isn't possible. How?"

"Kate?" Dr. Mallard interjected as Kate turned her attention to her. "We have another doctor here that I'd like for you to talk to. Maybe she can help in trying to figure out why you can't remember anything after 2009."

"If Roy's been dead for four years, what year is this?"

"It's December of 2015, Kate," Dr. Mallard replied.

"I'm not crazy. He told me that I tripped on an area rug and hit my head. He told me that a doctor had seen me. He told me that I had a concussion. But I'm not crazy," she repeated.

"A concussion could account for your memory loss. Would you be willing to talk to the other doctor?"

"I'll talk to her, but I'm not staying here," she insisted.

"Nobody's going to make you stay. Would you like to wait out in the waiting room while I have Dr. Morales paged?"

"Yeah. Can I get some coffee?"

"We'll get some coffee," Esposito promised her after the doctor left the room. "Kate, who told you these things?"

"Later," she waved him off. "I need coffee first."

"I'll have Castle bring you some coffee."

"Why Castle?"

"Because he's always brought your coffee, except the last few months," Ryan explained.

Castle was on the phone when he saw Kate walking down the hall, sandwiched between the boys. As much as he longed to rush up to her and crush her to his chest, he knew from the way she was carrying herself that he needed to wait. "Castle, why don't you go and get us some coffee? We're waiting for the doctor to page the psychiatrist."

"Okay. Sorensen called. He has some questions as soon as Kate's ready."

"Castle, we told her about Roy," Ryan whispered. "She's a little shaken by the news."

"Does she know the details?" He whispered back as Ryan shook his head. "Right. I'll go and get coffee."

Kate was still sitting between the boys, staring at the floor, when Castle returned with a cardboard carrier filled with coffee cups. He handed them out and Esposito moved over one chair so that he could sit beside Kate. "So, we're married?" She twisted the ring on her finger. "I suppose that you're the one who gave me the bracelet, too?"

"Yeah. On your first day as captain of the Twelfth."

"That's why he kept calling me 'captain,'" she said just under her breath, but loud enough that Castle caught it.

"Who did?"

"The man in the safe house," she finally looked at him for the first time since she'd walked into the precinct a few hours before. "I don't remember being married to you. Please tell me that I also don't have a baby that I've forgotten about, too."

"No, no babies," he managed to smile. "We were still in the talking about it and practicing stage." That elicited a familiar eye roll from his wife.

"Ms. Beckett?" Kate looked up to see a short, Hispanic woman in her late 30's standing before her, her dark hair brushing her shoulders. "I'm Dr. Morales. Why don't we go somewhere and talk?"

"Dr. Mallard told me that I wasn't going to have to stay. I don't want to stay here. I want to go home."

"No one is going to make you stay here. Let's go somewhere quiet and talk. Then your friends can take you home."

The moment that Kate and the doctor walked away, Castle sagged in his chair, covering his head with his hands. After a few moments, he looked up again, his eyes bleak. "This has got to be a joke, right? I go missing for two months and have no memory of it. Kate goes missing for four weeks and loses almost six years of her life. Someone please tell me that this is a nightmare."

"Castle, maybe this doctor can figure it out. If not, maybe you can place a call to her regular therapist."

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

"Did you manage to get a hold of Alexis and Beckett's dad?" Espo asked.

"Yeah. I told them that she's safe and not to come up here because she wasn't going to be admitted. I thought it might be best not to overwhelm her with too many people at once."

"That sounds like a good plan."

Dr. Morales led Kate into an empty trauma room and closed the door behind her. "I'll keep things as simple as I can, all right?" Kate nodded, so the doctor continued. "Let's start with the easy questions. What is your name?"

"Kate . . . Katherine Beckett."

"What's your date of birth?"

"November 17, 1979."

"Where are you at right now?"

"New York City. I'm not sure what hospital this is because I was unconscious when I was brought here."

"New York is good enough. Do you know where you were for the past several weeks?"

"At first I was told I was protecting a federal witness in a safe house. But I don't really know what the truth was. I was in a house and there was one other man there. He told me his name, but he was cagey about details. Was I abducted from somewhere?"

"I don't know all of the details regarding your disappearance. Your friends will fill you in when I release you. Kate, I need for you to think back to the very last thing that you remember before you woke up in that house."

"I had talked to my captain and I was supposed to meet him somewhere, but I don't remember where we were meeting. I don't remember anything else. I don't remember being promoted to captain and I certainly don't remember being married to Richard Castle," her voice began to rise in hysteria.

"Okay Kate, calm down. It's okay. Dr. Mallard reported that you had been told that you suffered a head injury in a fall. Did that actually happen?"

"When I woke up the first time in that house, I had a headache and there was a bandage on my head. So yes, I do believe that I had some kind of a fall."

"If you were abducted, it's possible that your amnesia was caused by trauma."

"Will I get my memory back?"

"It's impossible to say. You might get some of it back, none of it back, or all of it back. The important thing right now is for you to get some rest and try to assimilate yourself back into a regular routine and into your regular life as soon as possible."

"How can I assimilate myself into something that I don't remember?"

"By asking for help. From what I witnessed when I introduced myself to you, those three men seem to care about you a great deal."

"Yeah, and I just found out that I'm married to one of them," she sighed.

"You know, being married to a best-selling crime novelist probably isn't a bad thing," the doctor smiled.

"You don't know Castle."

"He's been on the news," the doctor said. "He's been begging the public for any word of you. It's obvious that he cares a great deal about you."

"So, you're saying that I should go home with him like I didn't forget anything?"

"No. What I'm saying is that you should go home with him and give him a chance. I'll be here if you need me. Here's my card. Call me anytime day or night. Give it some time, Kate."

"Are you going to go and talk to him?"

"Yes, I am. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, I'm okay with it."

Castle looked up when Dr. Morales came back out. "Mr. Castle, right now Kate is scared and she's confused. But I told her that I think that it's important for her to assimilate herself back into her previous life as soon as possible. I don't know if doing so will bring any of her memories back, but it won't hurt. I'm sure that the police probably have more questions for her, but I would advise to just let her rest until tomorrow morning. She's going to let you take her home, but please don't push her. Give her some space. Answer her questions if she asks them, but don't volunteer information. Hopefully now that she's back home, her memory will come back."

After Kate signed herself out, Ryan gave her and Castle a ride home to the loft. They walked past the doorman and to the elevator where Castle pressed the button for the loft. "Will Sorensen was working the case for the FBI?" She asked when they got off on their floor.

"Yeah. The boys will talk to him when they go back to the precinct," he unlocked the door and opened it for her.

Kate could remember being in the loft only one time before when they were working the Melanie Cavanaugh murder case. She remembered likening it to Alfred seeing the Bat Cave for the first time. She couldn't believe that she now lived here. Castle watched her looking around the apartment just as she had on her first visit. "Uh, you can sleep in our bedroom. I'll sleep in the guest room upstairs."

"Where's your mother and Alexis?" Kate looked around, still feeling dazed and confused. One of Castle's running jokes had to do with his mother living under his roof.

"My mother moved out about seven or eight months ago, right after we got married. She guessed that her living here was sort of—"

"Cramping our style?" Kate finished for him.

"Something like that."

"What about Alexis? How old is she now?"

"Alexis is 21. She still lives here, but she spends a lot of time at my P.I. firm."

"You have a P.I. firm? Wow, I have missed a lot. I feel like Rip Van Winkle right now."

"Are you hungry? Or I could make coffee," he rushed into the kitchen.

"Castle? Rick, stop," she called out to him. "You're uncomfortable and I'm uncomfortable. Before . . . before you told me what you'd found out about my mom, we were becoming friends, weren't we?"

"So, you remember that?" He stared at the countertop.

"That's the last memory of you that I have. You do understand why I was so angry, don't you?"

"Yeah. Look, can we discuss all of that later? I promise that I'll fill in all of the blanks, but let's start with your first question. I'd like to think that we were becoming friends, although I still annoyed the hell out of you."

"Then, let's stay on the friendship route for now."

"Okay. Does that still mean we sleep in separate rooms?"

"For the time being. And since you asked, I am kind of hungry. I haven't had anything home cooked in ages. Some guy from the precinct was bringing us food every night."

"Someone from the precinct was bringing you food? Do you remember his name?"

"I only actually saw him just once. He was—"

She was interrupted by Castle's ringing cell phone. "Castle!" He answered, his tone brusque. "Hold on and I'll ask her," he put him hand over his phone before looking across the counter at Kate. "Sorensen wants to know if you're up to answering some questions."

"Can he wait until tomorrow morning? I'm really tired right now."

"I'll let him know," he put the phone back to his ear. "Will, she's really tired. Can I bring her in first thing tomorrow morning? Great. Thank you," he hung up and smiled at Kate. "He's willing to wait until morning."

"Wow, I can't believe how chummy the two of you have gotten."

"Well, we were working for the common goal of finding you. What would you like to eat?"

"I think I'm going to skip food," she stood up. "I'm really tired. It's been a long, weird day. I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Kate?" She turned to look at him. "I have something that belongs to you." He left to go to the bedroom, returning moments later with her cell phone. "Your voicemail is probably full, but I thought you'd want this back."

Kate swiped her finger across the screen and instantly got the lock screen. Taking a chance, she entered the first four digits of her mother's birthday. The phone unlocked, revealing a picture of her and Castle on their wedding day as the wallpaper. She looked at him before looking at the picture and gently touched the screen with her index finger. "Are we happy?"

"Kate, we're very happy. Everybody says they've never seen either of us happier."

"Goodnight, Castle," she quickly left the room, closing the door behind her.

Castle watched the door close and then it occurred to him that he hadn't taken any clothes out of the room to sleep in. He stepped up and tentatively tapped on the door. "Kate? Can I come in for a second? I need to get something to sleep in."

After a few seconds, the door opened and Castle walked in. "Castle, I can sleep upstairs. I feel like I'm chasing you out of your . . . out of our bedroom."

"You're not chasing me out," he gave her a tight smile before walking over to his chest of drawers and removing some boxers and a t-shirt. "I'll let you get some rest."

Kate collapsed on the edge of the bed after Castle left, looking around the bedroom in a mixture of confusion and awe. While the room had some distinctly masculine touches, she could also see where a woman had added her touches. She just found it hard to believe that woman was her. Her last memories of talking with Castle hadn't been pleasant ones. She'd been visiting with Will Sorensen, who was recovering from gunshot wounds when Castle had shown up, hitting her with the bombshell news of what he'd discovered about her mother's murder.

" _Kate, there were three people who were murdered right around the time of your mother's murder. All three of them worked with her."_

" _Castle, what in the hell are you doing? I asked you not to look into my mom's murder and you went behind my back and did it anyway! I thought that you were my friend! Friends don't betray their friends in that way! We are done, Castle! If you show up at the precinct again, I'll have Montgomery personally call the mayor and have your ass booted! Do you understand me?"_

" _Kate, I'm sorry."_

" _Just stay the hell away from me."_

What had he said or done to change her mind? She couldn't believe that she'd not only taken him back after he'd betrayed her trust, but she was now married to him. She got up from the bed and walked around the room, looking at the things on the wall. One wall had a huge framed picture of a bull elephant, while another had a shadow box full of seashells. Something about the seashells seemed familiar to her, but she wasn't sure why.

Deciding to take a shower and go to bed, she opened what she assumed to be her dresser drawers. Taking out garments that she knew had to be hers, she went into the bathroom and immediately jumped in shock when she was met by a life-size Bobo Fett standing sentry duty in the corner of the bathroom between the toilet and the shower stall, which was the biggest shower stall she'd ever seen in her life. She opened the glass door and looked around inside. "Wow," she breathed out.

After several minutes of fangirling, she shook herself out of her reverie and undressed before getting into the shower and turning on the water. She reached for a bottle of shower gel, opening it and breathing in the familiar scent of the gel she'd used for as long as she could remember. "Finally, something that feels like it belongs to me."

After standing in the water for a considerable length of time, Kate got out and dried off before dressing and going back into the bedroom. She turned back the bed and climbed into the soft bedding, pulling the comforter up to her chin. She could smell the scent of Castle's cologne or body wash on the other side of the bed. She reached for his pillow and held it to her nose, inhaling the clean scent. Tears sprang to her eyes and she began sobbing into the pillow, eventually crying herself to sleep.

It was the smell of coffee that woke her up the next morning. She sat up and reached for her phone to see what time it was. It was just after six, so she got up and went in search of a robe, finally locating one on the back of the closet door. She walked out of the bedroom and stopped short when she saw a young woman with short red hair sitting at the counter. "Alexis?" Kate called out as the woman turned around.

"Kate!" Alexis jumped off of her stool and ran over to Kate, embracing her, but quickly releasing her when she felt the other woman stiffen up. "I'm so glad that you're all right."

"You . . . you cut your hair," was the only thing that Kate could think of to say. "Castle, have you talked to my dad?"

"I spoke to him last night. He's in Syracuse, but he said he'll be back later this morning. I assured him that you're physically okay. I thought that I'd let you explain the rest. Sit down and I'll make you some coffee. How did you sleep?"

"I slept all right, I guess. Wow Alexis, you grew up," she couldn't believe the changes in the young woman sitting beside her.

"You really can't remember being married to my dad? You can't remember . . . anything?"

"No. It's strange. It's like waking up in somebody else's body. I just can't get over how much you've grown up. Castle, can you believe this?"

"I know, right?" He beamed proudly at his daughter. "After I take you to talk to Will, I've got to take you to my P.I. firm and introduce you to Hayley. She's been a huge help to me while you were missing. So has Alexis. They did a lot of the heavy lifting."

"Hayley?"

"Hayley is dad's assistant at the firm. She's former MI-6 and totally brilliant."

"And a touch crazy," Castle added. "Crazy in a good way, I mean."

Kate didn't understand why the thought of this woman Hayley filled her with jealousy. "Kate, are you okay?"

"What time am I meeting Will?"

"Nine. I figured that would give us time to have breakfast and relax. I can answer any questions that you might have."

"I want to know the missing pieces, Castle, but I don't want to be overwhelmed with information."

"Okay, I can understand that. How about if you ask me one question per day? Would that be okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I can do that."

"As much as I'd love to stay and catch up, I have to run. I have classes this morning and then I'm helping Hayley afterward," Alexis grabbed her coffee cup and ran into the kitchen, kissing her dad on the cheek. "I'll see you later, dad. Bye, Kate."

"Bye, pumpkin," Castle said.

"Bye, Alexis," Kate waited until the door closed behind Alexis before turning her attention back to Castle, who was getting things from the refrigerator from breakfast. "Classes?"

"Oh, she's a junior at Columbia."

"I feel like I've stepped out of a time machine," she put her head into her hands.

"Hey," Castle stepped around the counter and turned her chair around toward him. "Kate, we're going to figure this out. I don't want you to feel defeated."

"I don't feel defeated, Castle," she brought her hands down and looked at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. "I feel scared and I feel out of place. I feel like I don't belong here."

"Kate, please stay here. I understand how you feel—"

"How can you understand how I feel? Have you ever suddenly lost pieces of your life?"

"Yes, I have. Just over a year ago. I went missing on our original wedding day. I was missing for two months and I still don't remember what happened to me during that time. So yes, a part of me does understand what you're experiencing."

"But you remembered me, right? You remembered that you were supposed to have married me, right? You lost two months, Castle. I've lost seven fucking years! Seven years that I don't remember! I don't remember falling in love with you, much less marrying you. I'd give anything to remember that."

"Maybe you will remember that. If not, we can take it day to day and see what happens."

"What? See if I'll fall in love with you again?"

"Sure, why not?" He gave her a wry grin.

"Castle, what happened to Roy? How did he die?" She immediately saw the look of pain that crossed Rick's face and wished that she could withdraw the question.

"He was murdered by a man named Hal Lockwood. He sacrificed himself to save you. Lockwood was going to kill you."

"Roy stepped in front of the gun?"

"Not exactly. Kate, it's really complicated. Why don't I give you the Reader's Digest version for now and I'll tell you everything another time?"

"Okay."

"Lockwood had been hired to kill you because you wouldn't stop investigating your mother's murder."

"No, Castle. I gave up on that a long time ago. I told you what it had done to me. I had to stop or it was going to destroy me."

"We started looking into it again. You asked for my help. Like I said, I'll explain everything at another time, but right now, let's have some breakfast and I'll take you to talk to Will."

***CCC***

When Kate stepped off of the elevator with Castle at the Twelfth, she noticed the looks that she was getting from the other detectives. Her reaction reminded Castle of the way she'd been after being rescued from Dr. Kelly Neiman, but he knew that was definitely a story for another time. Will spotted them and approached them. "Kate, how are you feeling?"

"Confused."

"Do you feel like answering some questions? I'd like to try and find out where you were and who was holding you captive. Come on," he led the way to one of the interrogation rooms where the boys were already waiting. "I spoke to the desk sergeant last night and he said that he didn't see who dropped you off. Did you take a cab?"

"No," Kate sat down and frowned when Castle sat down beside her. "I woke up in a van. I didn't see the driver, but it was a man. He wouldn't tell me his name."

"You didn't see what he looked like?"

"No. The van was dark and he made it a point to make sure that I couldn't identify him. He had on a dark cap and I think that he was wearing dark glasses. But I had heard his voice before. When I first woke up in the house, someone was talking to me over an intercom system. I think it was the man who drove me here last night."

"What can you tell me about the house? Do you know where it was?"

"No. It was a big house, a fancy house. It had three floors and a pool in the back. The third floor could only be accessed by a keycard. I don't know what was on that third floor. He told me that it was a safe house and that he was a witness. But he was the only person that I ever saw except for the cop who brought food one night."

"Did he tell you his name?"

"He told me to call him Flynn. Not 'Mister,' no first name, just Flynn. He never hurt me, but he also never let me out of his sight, except when I went to bed at night and when I showered. I don't know what he was afraid of. But I don't think he was a federal witness."

"What about the cop? Was it someone that you knew?"

"No. He was an Indian man. An Indian from India." Castle's gut began churning even before Kate said the name. "His name was . . . um, Vikram."

"Son of a bitch," Castle muttered under his breath.

 **A/N #2: Sorry for the length of this chapter. I'm figuring that all of the chapters from this point on are going to be lengthy.**

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	6. Everybody's Talking at Me

**DISCLAIMERS: The only things 'Castle' related that I own are my DVD's and my Nikki Heat books.**

 **SUMMARY: The detectives and Will Sorensen begin to look into Vikram and his associates, while Kate has more pieces of her missing time supplied to her by her father and Lanie.**

 **A/N #1: As usual, I want to thank Kelly, Jo and Angie for the story idea, the video this story is based on, and the cover art, in that order.**

 **A/N #2: This chapter will bring Attorney and Ultimate Villain of all Villains, Caleb Brown, into the mix. Also, for the sake of this story, Castle got Lucy before Kate disappeared.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 6: Everybody's Talking at Me**

" _No. He was an Indian man. An Indian from India." Castle's gut began churning even before Kate said the name. "His name was . . . um, Vikram."_

" _Son of a bitch," Castle muttered under his breath._

"Vikram knew where you were this entire time and he lied to us about it," Espo was seething.

"Do I know Vikram?" Kate asked.

"There was an incident in September," Castle sighed, staring at his hands. "You went missing for almost two days and Vikram was with you."

"Does what happened to me have anything to do with that?"

"We don't know. But seeing as how Vikram showed up at the house, my guess would be yes," Castle looked across the table at Sorensen and the boys.

"Who were we running from?"

"I don't know, Kate. You would never tell me."

"Did I tell anybody?" She looked at Ryan and Esposito, who shook their heads. "Where is Vikram now?"

"He's an analyst, so probably in the computer room. I'll go and get him," Espo stood up.

"Esposito?" Will stopped him. "Put him in another room."

"Kate, the man who was with you. Can you describe him to an artist?"

"Yeah. I was with him all day every day for weeks. But I doubt that he's going to be in that house just waiting for you guys to show up. My guess is that the second they loaded me into that van last night, they cleaned that house up and booked."

"Okay, we'll put you with an artist and I'll go talk to Vikram."

Castle could see Kate clenching and unclenching her fists on the table when Will walked out of the room. "What's wrong?"

"I hate this! I don't know who I can believe! I don't know who to trust!"

"Kate, none of us have ever lied to you. We're not going to start now."

"Why did I go on the run? Did I see something that I shouldn't have?"

"I don't know. You'd never tell me. You never told anybody."

"But Vikram knows?"

"So far, he's claiming that he doesn't know what the two of you were running from."

"He brought food to us every night. He probably wanted to be around in case I started remembering something. He had to neutralize the threat."

"We're going to find out who's behind this, Kate."

"You said that a killer named Lockwood had been hired to kill me because I was digging into my mother's murder. Do you think that what has happened to me now and the reason we were on the run in September is related to my mother's murder? Is it possible that someone else has been sent to kill me?"

"Possibly, but highly unlikely."

"Why do you say that? Oh my god, we found out who killed my mother? Castle, did we solve it?"

"Yeah, a year and a half ago."

"Who was it, Castle? I want to meet him face to face."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he's dead. He was murdered in September. I went to see him after I learned that you had gone to visit him. Right after I visited him, someone shanked him in his cell. Kate, I promise that I will fill you in on all of the details. You need to trust me, please?"

Looking into his eyes, Kate could see that Castle was different. She didn't know what had brought the change, but she knew that she could trust him. "Okay, I'll trust you. I've missed so much stuff."

"I know and I'll tell you everything."

***CCC***

Sorensen walked into the interrogation room where Vikram was already waiting with Ryan and Esposito. "Mr. Singh, I'm sure you've heard the news about Kate Beckett's return."

"Yeah, I heard a couple of the detectives talking about it when I came in this morning. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Vikram, I'm not going to beat around the bush and play bullshit games with you. I'm a 'straight to the point' kind of a guy. Do you hear me?"

"Fine," Vikram calmly folded his hands on the table in front of him, staring Sorensen right in the eyes.

"I was just talking to Kate in another room and she gave me a very interesting bit of information. She told me that you were delivering food to her and the other occupant of the house where she was being held."

"Well, clearly she's mistaking me with someone else."

"All Indian men look alike. Is that what you're seriously going to go with? I might be willing to go with that except for a couple of things. Well, actually just one thing. For some reason, you went on the run with Capt. Beckett four months ago."

"I told you that I don't know who was chasing after us or why."

"Yet, she gets taken by someone and you conveniently show up at the house delivering food every night, yet you tell us that you have no idea where Beckett is. I don't appreciate being lied to. Who are you working for, Vikram? Who took Capt. Beckett and why?"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. LT opened the door ahead of a well-dressed man in his mid-30's. "I'm Caleb Brown and I'm representing Mr. Singh. Don't say another word, Vikram. This interview is over. If you have any more questions for my client, you can run them by me."

Vikram suddenly looked as confused as the three men in the room. "Who hired you, Mr. Brown?" Ryan asked. "Because Mr. Singh hadn't yet asked for an attorney."

"It doesn't matter who hired me. What matters is that I am now Mr. Singh's attorney of record. Is my client under arrest?"

"Not at this time," Will admitted.

"Then I'm taking him out of here. Let's go, Vikram," Vikram got up and obediently followed Caleb out of the interrogation room and to the elevator. "Don't say anything else."

"I don't even know you."

"It doesn't matter. Don't say another word until we're out of this building."

"How did somebody know that Singh was being questioned?" Esposito asked as they watched the analyst get on the elevator with his new lawyer.

"Easy," Will answered as Kate and Castle walked up just in time to see Vikram and Caleb Brown disappear behind the elevator doors. "He's being monitored by someone."

"Now we just need to find out who's holding his leash," Ryan said.

"Exactly. Kate, let's get you with an artist so that we can get a sketch of your mysterious host."

Within the hour, a sketch had been posted to the murder board of the man who had been sharing a house with Kate for the past month. "This is a sketch of the man who is wanted for questioning in the abduction of Capt. Beckett," Will told the group gathered around the murder board. "Kate, why don't you fill us in on his physical description?"

"He's in his mid to late 30's, about 5'10, 160 pounds, brown hair and brown eyes. He goes by the name of Flynn, no first name that he would tell me. I also got the feeling more than once that we weren't alone in the house."

"The mysterious third floor?" Ryan asked as Kate nodded.

"I think there was someone up there watching us on CCTV. That might also be how they knew that I'd given you Vikram's name."

"You think Vikram was wired?" Will asked.

"I don't know. I would seriously suggest having this entire floor swept for bugs."

"I can have somebody brought in. Why don't you go home and we'll call you if anything else comes up?" Will suggested to her.

"Okay," she agreed, glancing at Castle when he gave her a strange look. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just surprised that you agreed to go back home so easily."

"Well, I'm still tired and there's not much for me to do since Caleb Brown took Vikram away from us."

They left the precinct and got into Castle's car which was parked nearby. But Kate was surprised when Castle didn't head for the loft. "Where are we going?" She asked him.

"To the P.I. office. I want to show you the place and I also want to introduce you to Hayley."

"Is this Hayley pretty?"

"Yeah, she's attractive. Why?"

"Oh, I was just wondering."

"She's smart as hell and she doesn't believe in playing by the rules. I think you'll like her."

"Did I like her . . . before?"

"Yeah, the two of you seemed to get along all right. But I really want to see if she can get us some background on Caleb Brown."

"I would like to know who he works for. Because attorneys usually don't appear out of thin air without their clients calling them first. Castle?"

"Yeah?" He glanced at her.

"Thanks for not being upset about this whole memory loss thing."

"You stood by me after I came back with no memory of what had happened to me."

"Did you ever remember what happened?"

"I remember some of it, but most of it is still a huge blank."

Kate took out her phone when she felt it vibrate. She smiled when she read the text message. "My dad is back in town. He said he'll drop by this afternoon."

"Perfect. I'll let Alexis know and I'll call my mother so that we can have dinner together."

He pulled into the parking garage that serviced his P.I. firm and got out of the car before leading Kate upstairs to his offices. "I love this building, Castle," Kate looked around at the architecture of the older building.

"I know. Isn't it great?" He gave her a huge smile before opening the door to the offices that said 'Richard Castle Investigations' in huge block letters. Hayley was at the desk working on the computer. "Hayley, I'd like you to meet my wife, Kate. Kate, this is Hayley Shipton."

Alexis had already filled Hayley in on Kate's memory loss and was prepared to go along with this new reality. "It's wonderful to meet you," she said in a crisp British accent. "Rick's told me a lot about you."

"Please don't act like we've never met. I don't remember anything from the last several years of my life, but I know that we know each other."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to say. How did it go with Agent Sorensen?"

"We have a sketch of the man who was in the house with Kate," Castle handed her a copy of the sketch. "I also need for you to run a background check on a man named Caleb Brown."

"Who's Caleb Brown?"

"He's Vikram's attorney. He showed up this morning when the boys and Sorensen were questioning him. It seems that he'd been bringing food to Kate and her companion."

"Vikram didn't call him?"

"No, he suddenly just appeared," Kate answered.

"Okay, I'll give him a look-see."

"Where's Alexis?"

"She had a study group at the library this afternoon."

"Come on," Castle beckoned to Kate. "Pull down on that copy of Poe," he pointed to an old copy of Poe's short stories.

Kate obediently pulled down on the book and smiled when the bookshelf opened, revealing a hidden room. Why was she not surprised that Castle would have a secret room? She knew how much he loved toys and gadgets. Still smiling, she followed him into the room and he closed the door behind them. She looked around the room, taking in the big screen TV and the shelves filled with his books. There were also photographs all over his desk and on the shelves. She began examining them, not recognizing herself in the photographs. Most of them were shots of her smiling happily at the camera. Kate couldn't even remember the last time that she'd been that happy. "When was this one taken?" She showed Castle a picture of the two of them dancing.

"That was taken at Ryan's wedding," he answered.

"Kevin got married? To who? When?"

"Remember the girl that gave him that ugly tie right after I started shadowing you?" He asked as Kate nodded. "He married her three years later. Her name is Jenny. They have a little girl named Sarah Grace and they have a second baby on the way."

"Wow, Ryan's a dad," she whispered in awe. "Were we . . . were we . . . together then?"

"At Ryan's wedding? No. At the last minute we decided to be each other's plus ones. You came alone and Alexis was supposed to be my date, but she ditched me at the last minute for a boy."

"How long did we date before we got married?"

"That's the thing. We didn't date in the conventional sense. We just kind of went from being friends to being a couple. But we were together for a year and a half before we got married."

"What was the name of the man who killed my mother?"

"It's complicated, Kate."

"Castle, I want to know who killed my mother."

"Sit down," he motioned her over to the sofa. "A few months after you told me that you never wanted to see me again, we caught a murder. The victim's name was Jack Coonan. He was an enforcer for the Irish mob and a man named—"

"Let me guess. Finn Rourke."

"Yeah. We thought at first that Rourke had had him killed, but it got very complicated really fast. We met his brother, a man named Dick Coonan. He supposedly built schools in Afghanistan, but we found out that he was actually a heroin trafficker. We also found out, by accident, that he was the man who murdered your mother."

"How did we find out?"

"Lanie saw the similarities between the wounds inflicted on Jack Coonan and the ones that your mother suffered. She called in a forensic pathologist friend of mine, who broke the news to you."

' _I want to find out who killed my mother.'_

"I came to see you?" She looked at him.

"Yeah."

"What happened to him?"

"You were forced to kill him. He died without giving you any answers as to who hired him. I felt awful, Kate."

"Why?"

"Because, if I hadn't asked for that file that day, none of it would've happened."

"Well, the way that I see it, if you hadn't asked for that file, my mother's murder would've remained unsolved until some cold case detective saw fit to reopen the case. I know there's more, but can you save the rest of it for another time?"

"I can do that. Come on, I'll take you home."

***CCC***

Once back at the loft, Castle sent quick texts to his mother and Alexis about dinner plans. He then went into the kitchen to begin preparing dinner while Kate sat on a stool scrolling through her phone. "Do we attend a lot of fancy functions?" She asked.

"No, not too many. The occasional book launch party and a few other black tie events. Why?"

"Because most of the pictures on my phone seem to be of me dressed in some fancy dress and you in black tie. Well, except for these," she showed him a picture of him that had been taken in the Hamptons where he was dressed in a pair of swim trunks.

"I love that picture. You took it when we went to the Hamptons together for the first time."

"Is that where we got married?" She looked at the pictures of the two of them smiling happily in front of a gorgeous sunset.

"Yeah. In the gazebo in the backyard. It's one of your favorite places."

"Castle, why aren't there any pictures of Lanie and the boys? Didn't they attend our wedding?"

"No," he came around and sat on the stool beside her. "For our first ceremony, we planned the whole fancy wedding, with 300 guests. But when I got taken, everything fell apart. You tried to hide it, but I knew that our ruined wedding upset you a lot. I wanted to give you your perfect day. I felt that I owed you that much after everything I'd put you through. I proposed to you a second time, and asked you to marry me right away. I managed to pull some strings and we got married at the Hamptons house that same evening. I've got it in on DVD if you want to watch it."

"Maybe later. Castle, I know that you're trying really hard and I do know that you love me, but I just don't feel . . . connected to you. I want to because I know that I should—"

"Kate, I don't want you to force yourself to feel something that you don't. Just please promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't run. We'll figure all of this out. We always do."

"I won't run if you agree to give me the space to figure it out."

"Agreed."

Castle was in the process of preparing dinner when the doorbell rang. "That's probably your dad. Mother and Alexis have their own keys."

Kate unlocked the door and opened it to find her father standing there. "Katie, thank god you're all right," he stepped in and hugged her tightly.

"Dad, I need to talk to you about something."

"Rick told me about the amnesia."

"Oh," she turned to look at Rick. "You told my dad? You _told_ my dad?" She repeated before turning and leaving the room.

"Let me talk to her," Jim said, stopping Rick before he had a chance to go after her. He left the living room and found Kate sitting in the chair at Rick's desk. "Katie, when Rick called and told me that you'd been found, he told me about the amnesia because he didn't want me to be shocked when I saw you. How much do you remember?"

"I don't remember anything about this new part of my life," she looked around at the bookshelves, taking note of all of the new Nikki Heat titles. "I don't remember any of these new books. I don't remember solving mom's murder," her voice cracked. "I don't remember anything except for my name and the fact that I'm a cop. Do you like Rick?"

"Katie, I love Rick. I love Martha and Alexis. I love being part of a family again. I know that you and I are family, but it's different being with Rick and his family. It feels good to laugh again. I see the way that he looks at you and it reminds me of how I looked at your mother. He looks at you like you're the only woman in the world. I hope that he always looks at you like that."

"I just feel so out of place, dad. Like I'm wearing clothes that are five sizes too big."

"What does the doctor say about your memory returning?"

"They don't know."

"Katie, you have a therapist. You saw him after you got shot—"

"Yeah, I saw the scars. How did that happen?"

"Why don't you let Rick tell you all about that. Right now, I think that we need to go back into the other room and get ready for dinner."

Moments after going back into the living room, the front door opened and Martha breezed in, followed by Alexis. "Oh Katherine, Rick told me all about your memory loss!" The older woman ran over and embraced Kate, who looked at Castle, who made a motion to just roll with it. "It's wonderful to have you back home in one piece! Do you have any idea who did this to you?"

"Mother, we'll talk about all of that later. Right now, dinner is just about ready."

"Let me put my things away and I'll set the table," Alexis went up the stairs.

"Jim, I'm so happy that you could join us," Martha hugged him. "How was your trip?"

"Boring. I was thinking of taking a few days off to go up to the cabin to decompress for a few days or 'chill out,' as Alexis would say," he winked at Alexis, who'd come back downstairs.

"You'll be back in time for Christmas though, won't you?" Alexis asked.

"Christmas?" Kate looked at all of the people in the room. "Uh, my dad doesn't do Christmas."

"Katie, it's okay. I spent last Christmas here and it was wonderful. We can discuss all of this later because I don't know about anybody else, but I'm starving. All I've had to eat all day is horrible airplane food."

Castle had prepared stuffed pork chops, sautéed green beans and baked potatoes for dinner. "This smells wonderful, dad," Alexis smiled at her father.

"Thank you. Please, everybody dig in."

As Kate began to eat, she came to realize that Castle was an incredible cook. "Castle, this is wonderful. I didn't know that I was so hungry, but this is great."

"Well, you always do like it when I cook for you," he beamed proudly at the compliment.

Later that night, Kate found it impossible to fall asleep in Castle's huge, comfortable bed underneath the Egyptian cotton sheets. She crept out of bed and walked into Castle's office, staring at the volumes of books on the shelves which made up the walls. She reached up and removed _'Heat Wave,'_ deciding to read the book which had started everything. She got back into bed and opened the book to the dedication page, smiling when she read the words that Castle had written. _'To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the 12_ _th_ _.'_

After reading the first chapter, she picked up her phone and looked at the time, deciding that it wasn't too late to call her best friend. Luckily for her, Lanie was awake and answered the phone on the second ring. "Kate, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, I think. I was just reading my first Nikki Heat book—"

"Have you got to page 105, yet? Because brace yourself. You flipped the first time you read it. I mean, totally _flipped_."

"Why? What's on . . . you said 105, right?" Kate quickly went to that page and read, her mouth opening in shock. "Oh my god!"

"I told you, girl. Kate, why are you really calling? Because we both know it isn't so we could discuss page 105 of Castle's book."

"My dad was here for dinner. Lanie, he does Christmas here now. Here, with Castle, Martha, and Alexis. Lanie, my dad doesn't do Christmas! He goes to the cabin and I work. We don't do Christmas! I don't know how to do Christmas, Lanie! I haven't done Christmas since my mom died!"

"Kate, take a breath and calm down. I know that this is a lot to take in. You're going to be okay."

"No, I'm not, Lanie. How is any of this okay? I'm married to Castle and I don't even remember falling in love with him. I don't remember the first time that we made love or the first time we told each other 'I love you.' I've been shot, Lanie, and I don't even remember that. My dad told me to ask Castle. Why do I need to have my life recited to me by Richard Castle? How did I get shot, Lanie? And please don't tell me to ask Castle."

"You really want to do this over the phone?"

"Lanie, I'm sitting here in the middle of the night and I can't sleep. Please tell me about how I got shot."

"A man named Hal Lockwood murdered Capt. Montgomery," Lanie began. "But Montgomery also managed to kill Lockwood. Kate, we all thought that you were safe; that the threat was over. But they sent someone else. While you were giving the eulogy at Roy's funeral, you were shot by a sniper rifle. Castle saw the glint from the scope and he tackled you, but he was a fraction of a second too late."

"Castle tackled me? Where was he?"

"Standing to your right. It was awful, Kate. You were hit in the heart. You died twice; once in the back of the ambulance and once in the OR."

"Am I okay now?"

"Yeah, you made a complete recovery. I think that you surprised everybody, especially your doctors."

"Is that when Castle and I got together?"

"Sweetie, why don't you ask him to fill you in on your love story? I know that he came make it much more romantic than I can."

"Thanks, Lanie. I guess that I should let you get some sleep."

"Okay, girl. I'll talk to you later."

When Kate woke up early the next morning, she heard Castle's voice from the other room, but she didn't recognize the voice of the person that he was talking to. She got up and pulled on her robe before making her way out to the living room. "Good morning," Castle greeted her. "Lucy, please make two lattes."

"Right away, Rick."

"Lucy?" Kate looked around the room, but didn't see another person. However, she heard the sound of the coffeemaker in the kitchen as it began dripping.

"My home security system," he pointed to the triangular box on the corner of the counter. "Lucy will do anything that I ask her to do. Please allow me to demonstrate. Lucy, turn off the kitchen light." He smiled when the lights went off. "Okay Lucy, turn the light back on. Pretty cool, right?" He smiled when the lights went back on.

"Yeah, pretty cool. When did you get it?"

"Not it, Beckett. Her. Lucy is a 'her.' I got her about a week before you disappeared," he stepped over to the countertop and made Kate's latte just the way that she liked it before handing her the cup.

"Thank you," she smiled, inhaling the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee. "I couldn't sleep last night, so I went into your office and got _Heat Wave_ out. I like the dedication."

"I meant it then and I still mean it now. You're extraordinary."

"The book didn't help me sleep, so I called Lanie. She told me that you saved my life."

"We're partners. It's what we do."

"Castle, I don't know too many partners who would tackle their partner to try to save them from a sniper's bullet. Thank you."

"I was too late," he reminded her.

"But, you tried."

"I guess that I should make a list of the things that we need to talk about, don't I?"

"It sounds that way," she smiled.

He grabbed his cell phone when it rang. "It's Hayley," he told Kate. "Yeah, Hayley?"

"Rick, you and Kate should come to the office. I have some information about Caleb Brown."

"We'll be right there."

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	7. A New Enemy Surfaces

**DISCLAIMERS: If 'Castle' were mine, it would've gone on for another 10 years.**

 **SUMMARY: Castle and Beckett learn more about Caleb Brown. In the meantime, Castle tries to hold onto Kate, who is once again falling down the rabbit hole.**

 **A/N #1: Again I want to thank Kelly, Jo and Angie for everything. I really can't thank any of them enough.**

 **A/N #2: I know I'm going to get complaints about making Kate weak and weepy in this chapter. But keep in mind, that this is a woman who is being told about things that she has no memory of and is living in the home of a man who she remembered as annoying and intrusive. That would be enough to make any woman weak and weepy. Not to mention extremely confused. Please bear with me. This part of the storyline isn't going to last forever.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 7: A New Enemy Surfaces**

"Hayley, what did you find?" Castle asked when he and Kate walked into the P.I. office.

"Quite a lot, actually," she turned the laptop around so that they could read the screen. "Caleb graduated from Harvard Law School and immediately went to work for Baker, Scribbs, and Leaky here in the city. He soon became the counsel of record for Vulcan Simmons."

"Wait! He was Simmons' attorney?" Castle looked over at Kate, who had no reaction at the mention of the name.

"Yes, he was. He was bringing in a six figure salary keeping Simmons and his associates out of prison. He must have been good at it, because none of them ever spent so much as a minute in county."

"Is there a connection between Vikram and Vulcan Simmons?" Kate finally spoke up.

"None that I've found, so far, but I'll keep digging."

"Have they finished sweeping the bull pen?" She looked at Castle.

"I'll call and ask Esposito." Castle took out his phone and stepped away while Kate sized up Hayley.

"You must feel horribly confused," Hayley observed. "The name Vulcan Simmons doesn't ring a bell for you?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "But, right now nothing rings a bell. Who is he?"

"Maybe Rick—"

"No," Kate was quick to shake her head again. "No! I'm tired of everybody telling me, 'Maybe Rick should tell you.' I'm asking you who Vulcan Simmons is."

"I just know what Rick and Alexis have told me about him. He was already dead when I took this job. You went on an undercover assignment that went horribly, horribly wrong. Apparently you'd had a run-in with Vulcan Simmons a few years before and you had another one with him two years ago. One that almost got you killed. And then a few weeks later, someone murdered Simmons and tried to frame you for it."

"Who killed him?"

"The same man who ordered the hit on your mother."

"Well, I just got off of the phone with 'Sito and he said the sweep didn't pick up anything. What's going on?" He asked when he saw the look on Kate's face. "Kate?"

"Keep looking into Caleb Brown," Kate said. "I want to know everything." She then turned toward Castle. "Let's go to the precinct."

Kate was quiet until they got into Castle's car and he pulled into traffic. "Writer Boy, when we get home later, I want you to make a list."

"A list?"

"Yes, a list. I want you to make a list of everything that I've forgotten. Starting with Vulcan Simmons," she gave him the glare that he was all too familiar with from their early days together.

"I'll make a list and I'll tell you one story a night. Okay?"

"But you'll start with Vulcan Simmons?"

"I'll start with Vulcan Simmons."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, Castle. I'm just so confused."

"I know. Like I told you yesterday, we're going to figure this out. One step and one day at a time."

"We've been through a lot together, huh?"

"You have no idea," he said, fixing his eyes on the road.

Kate smiled, remembering saying those exact words to him after the end of the Alison Tisdale case.

***CCC***

"They finished the sweep earlier this morning and they didn't find any listening devices," Espo told Rick and Kate when they got off of the elevator.

"Then, how were they tracking Vikram?" Castle asked.

"We don't know," Will walked up to the three of them. "Either he was in contact with them or he was wired himself. We're not going to know unless we're able to get more evidence against him or find out who this guy Flynn really is."

"Hayley found out that Caleb Brown was Vulcan Simmons' attorney before he was Vikram's attorney. She's still digging into him," Castle reported.

"Good. Has she found out anything about any known associates?"

"Not yet."

"I'm going to go get some coffee," Kate said, turning and walking toward the breakroom.

"How is she doing?" Sorensen asked.

"She's having a rough time. She wants me to make a list of everything that she doesn't remember. Seven years' worth of stuff," Castle sighed wearily. "It's going to be quite a long list."

"Bro, do you think that you should tell her everything?" Espo wanted to know.

"It probably wouldn't hurt," Ryan suggested. "Maybe some of the stories will jog something; make her start remembering."

"And maybe you've watched one too many soap operas," Espo glared.

"I'm going to make some phone calls. Let me know if anything else surfaces," Sorensen started to walk away.

"Will? Are you going to stick around?" Castled called out.

"For now. But, if we don't find something soon, I'm going to get pulled and put on other cases."

Kate was standing outside of the breakroom nursing a cup of coffee when she saw Will approaching. She followed him down the hall to her office, which he was using for the time being. "You took over my office?"

"Kate? You remember that this is your office?" Will asked in surprise.

"Well, there are pictures of Castle and me and these are my moms' elephants."

"Esposito just thought it'd be easier for me to work from here. Castle says that you're having a rough time."

"I was a fan of his, Will. When he shadowed me, he was an annoying, self-centered jerk. Then he started nosing into my mom's case and I hated him. The last time that I remember seeing him was when you were in the hospital after getting shot. He told me what he'd found. I guess that he thought that I'd be overjoyed. But I was so pissed off!" She shouted at the ceiling. "And now I find out that I'm married to him. I know that he loves me," she collapsed in a chair across from her desk. "I know that he loves me because it shows in his actions, it shows in his words, it shows in his eyes every time that he looks at me. But I don't feel anything because I don't remember loving him! I don't even understand why I'm telling you all of this!"

"You're telling me all of this because you need to tell someone. You're telling me because I'm neutral to the situation. Yes, we had a history, but we don't anymore."

"Did we get together . . . after you got out of the hospital?"

"For a little while. But we both realized that it wasn't going to work, so we ended it."

"Did I end it or did you?"

"It was a mutual decision."

"Are you seeing someone now?"

"I got married," he smiled proudly. "Just over a year ago. Right after you and Castle got married, as a matter of fact. Her name is Christine and she works for the U.S. Attorney's office as a paralegal."

"Wow," Kate smiled. "That's great. I'm really happy for you, Will."

' _I really don't want to see someone else's perfect day.'_

"Kate?" Sorensen had noticed a strange look come across her face. "Kate? Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she stood up. "I guess that I should go and see what the boys are up to."

She walked out and found the boys at their respective desks. She sat down in the chair beside Ryan's desk, watching him work until he stopped what he was doing to look at her. "Castle went to the men's room."

"I don't need to know where Castle is every minute of every day. He told me last night that you're married and you have a little girl," she smiled, the smile getting bigger at the look of pride that came across Ryan's face. "Tell me everything and I want to see lots of pictures."

Will looked up from his desk, frowning slightly when he heard Kate giggling and chatting with Ryan while they looked at pictures of his family on his phone. He stepped out of his office just as Castle was re-emerging from the restroom. "Castle?" Will motioned for him to come into the office, where he closed the door. "Have you noticed anything about Kate's mood?"

"The memory loss is difficult for her to deal with, but other than that, no. Why?"

"She was in here a few minutes ago, upset because she doesn't feel a connection to you. And now she's sitting out there with Ryan, laughing over his pictures."

"Well, she's going to be more comfortable with the boys because she had a relationship with them before I entered the picture."

"Maybe you should talk to that doctor that treated her after she was found. Find out what she has to say."

"Maybe, but right now, I don't see a problem."

***CCC***

That night, it was just Rick and Kate at the loft. Martha was at her apartment and Alexis was out with friends. He walked over to the sofa with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Kate looked at with him with a raised eyebrow before she accepted the glass that he held out to her. "Kate," he sat down on the sofa next to her before he began speaking, "do you remember a detective by the name of John Raglan?"

"What does he have to do with Vulcan Simmons?"

"Before I tell you about Vulcan Simmons, I need to backtrack a little bit. Everything that I'm about to tell you all ties in together. It ties together Montgomery's murder, your shooting, and your mother's murder. You got a call from John Raglan. The two of us went to meet him and while we were talking to him, someone shot and killed him."

"What did he tell us?"

"He didn't get to tell us much before he was killed. Only that your mother died because of something he had got involved in seven years before she was killed. His partner, Gary McCallister put us onto Vulcan Simmons. Simmons was one of the biggest heroin dealers to come out of Washington Heights."

"My mother and her colleagues were trying to rid Washington Heights of dealers."

"We know. You told us at the time. Anyway, he was brought in. Kate, he was a cocky mother fucker, excuse my language. He made some taunts about your mother and the next thing that I know, you had him up and against the mirror in the interrogation room. You smashed the mirror. He just thought that it was hilarious. The boys pulled you off of him, but Montgomery was livid because he was forced to release him. He then threw you off of the case."

"Did Simmons have anything to do with my mother's murder?"

"No. But we found out a few years later that he was working for the man who ordered her murder. You went on an undercover assignment."

"The one that went south," she filled in as he nodded.

"Vulcan Simmons was at the house. He instantly recognized you and then he tried to kill you. He waterboarded you and when he thought that you were almost dead, he had one of his henchmen take you out in the woods to kill you. But he was killed by the woman that you were impersonating, a woman by the name of Elena Markov. She was also working for the man who ordered your mother's murder. He let you live because he owed you for saving his life a year before."

"I need his name, Castle."

"No, Kate. We agreed on one story a night. Tonight we're discussing Vulcan Simmons and nobody else."

"What happened to Simmons?"

"A few weeks after we rescued you from him, he was found murdered. The person who murdered him stole one of your guns to commit the crime."

"I was framed?"

"Yeah. You and I went on the run before we finally found the evidence that cleared you, and it led to the arrest of the man who masterminded your mom's murder."

"Which you aren't going to tell me about?"

"Not tonight. One story a night, Kate," he stood up and went into the kitchen.

"You do realize that I could just Google my mother's name, don't you?"

"Yes, but I'm hoping that you won't."

"Thanks for the wine, Castle, but I think that I'm going to go to bed."

She got up and went into his bedroom, closing the door behind her. "I can't do this," she whispered against the closed door. " ' .This."

She startled when she heard Castle knock on the door. "Kate? Can I come in? Please?"

She hesitated for about a minute before she opened the door. "Castle, I need his name. I know what we agreed on, but I need his name! I have been hunting for my mom's murderer since I was 19 years old! I need this!"

"I know that you're confused. Believe me, I get that. And I know how much you need to know his name. And I promise that I will give you his name. Just not tonight."

"I can't do this, Castle. I can't stay in this apartment and pretend that everything is okay when it's not."

"I'm not pretending either, Kate. But you promised me that you wouldn't run. I have fought and I have clawed every inch of the way when it comes to my relationship with you. None of this has been easy, but one thing has always remained the same. I love you so very much. This hasn't been easy for me either." He took her left hand and held it up so that she could see her wedding ring. "I put this ring on your finger and I made a vow to love you until death do us part. That is a vow that I take very seriously."

"I want to love you," she gave him a watery smile. "I really do. Because I see in your actions and in your words that you're not that same man who used to drive me crazy. You've changed, Castle."

"You made me want to be a better man, Kate. You made me want to change. I once told you that you were the most maddening, challenging, frustrating woman I've ever known in my life, but I still love you. Would you let me try to sweep you off of your feet again?"

"Is that really how you did it?"

"Well, not exactly. I'm just asking you to please stay and to please give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not about to give up on you . . . on us. Will you do that for me?"

"When are you going to give me his name?"

Castle looked up at the ceiling and sighed. When he once again looked at Kate, his eyes were bright with tears. "I'll give you his name, but I have to tell you another story first. And it's still a story that's very hard for me to tell."

"Roy?" She guessed as he nodded. "Tomorrow, okay? I don't think I could handle hearing about how he died tonight."

"Okay," he nodded. "Tomorrow. Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know, Castle. I still think that I should stay at my dad's or even with Lanie. That way," she saw him starting to protest, "you can find a way to sweep me off of my feet. And that way, I don't feel so much like a fish out of water."

"You're really not comfortable here?"

"No. I mean, don't get me wrong. Your bed—"

" _Our_ bed," he corrected her.

"Okay, _our_ bed is extremely comfortable and I love the huge tub. I have to admit that the life-size Bobo Fett is a little hard to get used to," she looked at him as he chuckled softly. "But, it just doesn't feel like _me_."

"Okay," he relented. "Could you do me one favor?"

"Maybe."

"You have a therapist. His number is on your phone. Will you call him and talk to him? Either him or that doctor from the hospital, Dr. Morales."

"What is his name?"

"Burke. Carter Burke."

"What am I supposed to tell him, Castle? 'Hello, Dr. Burke? You might remember me, but I'm sorry that I don't remember you. I'm suffering from amnesia right now.' That sounds like something right out of a plot from 'Temptation Lane.'"

"Yeah, it does when you put it like that. Will you at least talk to Dr. Morales?"

"Okay. I'll call her. I guess that I should also call my dad to let him know that I'm coming back home."

"Let me know when you're ready and I'll take you over there."

"Castle?" She called out to him when he was turning to leave. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For not stopping to think about how much this is hurting you. You're the person that you were before I went missing. And now you're in this situation of living with a person who has no memory of you . . . of knowing what it's like to love you."

"Like I said," he once again took her left hand, "we're going to figure this out. It's what we're good at."

***CCC***

In the house where Kate had been held for four weeks, Vikram Singh sat in a room with Flynn and Caleb Brown. "She's leaving him," Flynn announced. "Apparently the memories are becoming too much to take."

"Where is she going?" Caleb asked.

"She's going to be staying with her old man. We need to find a way to bug his house."

"No," Caleb disagreed. "Did the old man agree to that?"

"No, but we're not going to know what Beckett does or doesn't remember if we don't get ears on the situation," Flynn reasoned. "And what about him?" He nodded toward Vikram.

"Don't worry about him. As long as he stays here, no one is going to get to him. And don't worry about what Beckett starts to remember. She's still not going to be any closer to our operation."

"I thought that she wasn't going to remember anything," Vikram spoke up for the first time. "I thought that was the whole idea."

"Unfortunately, she will start remembering," Flynn looked disappointed at the notion. "As good as we like to think we are, we still haven't been successful in completely erasing someone's memory. We just need to keep our eyes opened and our ears to the ground. We need to be ready to spring into action when the time comes."

***CCC***

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jim Beckett brought his daughter a cup of coffee before taking a seat in his recliner.

"I don't even know where to begin," she held the cup in her hands, feeling the warmth seep through her fingers. "How do you remember how to love somebody? He tells me stories about these people that I have no memory of. Except for John Raglan. I remember him _all_ too clearly."

"Why don't I share some happier memories of you and Rick instead? Can I do that?"

"Yes, I would like that," she managed to smile at him.

"You had been offered a job in DC with the Attorney General's task force. It was a huge opportunity for you, Katie, but it also forced you to ask yourself some tough questions about where things stood with you and Rick. You were happy with him, Katie. Happier than I'd ever seen you. We talked about it, but I could see that you were still torn. Later that afternoon, you called me and you weren't making any sense," he smiled at the memory. "I finally had to beg you to calm down so that I could understand what you were saying. You told me that Rick had asked you to marry him despite the fact that you had decided to take the job in DC. You rushed over and you showed me your ring. And we . . . we both cried because it suddenly hit you that your mother wasn't here to see the moment when her little girl got a marriage proposal."

"Who took him? He said that someone took him on our original wedding day. Do you know who?"

"We never learned the whole story, Katie. You were devastated. Of course, so were Martha and Alexis, but it hit you very hard. You're the person who always has to know the reasons why something happened. When Rick was found, he had no memory of those missing two months. And to this day he feels like he ruined your perfect wedding, although the wedding that you had several months later was lovely and magical. All that he cares about is your happiness, Katie."

"I know. I can see that. He wants a chance to sweep me off of my feet."

"Are you going to give it to him?"

"Well, he said that we didn't date. I'd like to see what it feels like to date my favorite writer," she smiled a shy smile. "I just want to see if we can move on past this. As much as I want to find out who took me and why, right now I just want normal."

"I think we all could use a little normal," he agreed with her.

 **A/N #3: In the next chapter, the love story will begin anew.**

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	8. A Walk in the Park

**DISCLAIMERS: I wish.**

 **SUMMARY: Kate meets with Dr. Morales while Castle begins the process of winning her back.**

 **A/N #1: As usual, I'd like to thank Kelly, Jo and Angie for all of their help in the creation of this story.**

 **A/N #2: I know a number of you are upset because I made Kate run at the end of the previous chapter. Please bear with me. She's going to return to the loft by Chapter 10.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 8: A Walk in the Park**

"Thank you for seeing me," Kate pulled her long sleeves over the top of her fingers nervously.

"Have you remembered anything?" Dr. Isabelle Morales looked at her newest patient.

She could still remember the evening that she'd been consulted regarding Kate just a few days earlier. She would be lying if she admitted that the case didn't intrigue her. True amnesia was a rarity, usually seen in soap operas and movies. It normally wasn't seen in real life. But when Kate had called her the night before asking if she could come in to talk, Dr. Morales had been quick to fit her into her busy schedule. She could see that Kate was struggling to describe her feelings.

"I have these flashes, but I don't know if they're real."

"Have you asked your husband about them?"

"No. He's struggling as much as I am. I hate how much I've hurt him."

"Kate, none of what has happened is your fault."

"He was so hurt when he took me to my dad's house. I'm the reason why he's hurting."

"But you did say that he's going to win you back."

"He hasn't really lost me. I didn't want to make him leave," she looked up at the ceiling. "But he forced my hand. He went and did something that I asked him not to do."

"Okay, I'm confused. Are you talking about him taking you to your dad's house or are you talking about something else?"

"The last memory I have of Castle is telling him that he could no longer follow me around. I told him that I never wanted to see him again."

"Do you remember why?"

"Oh yeah, I definitely remember the reason why. My mother was murdered when I was 19—"

"I'm very sorry to hear that."

"We were working a case that hit a little too close to home and I told him about her murder. He asked one of my colleagues for her file. Castle has a lot of connections due to the fact that he's a crime novelist. He uses a lot of these sources for his research. One of these sources is a forensic pathologist."

"And this pathologist found something that had been missed?" Dr. Morales guessed as Kate bit her lip and nodded.

"My dad and I had been told by the original detective that her death was completely random. As far as he was concerned, it was opened and shut. Castle learned that it wasn't. Then he told me yesterday when we were talking that the two of us met with Det. Raglan and he was murdered right in front of us. It had something to do with the man who killed my mother, but Castle won't give me his name!"

"I'm sure that he'll give you his name when he feels you're a little stronger mentally. Kate, I know that you don't believe this, but right now, you're teetering. I've never dealt with a person suffering from memory loss, so I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now."

"I described it to my dad the other night by telling him that I felt like I was wearing clothes that are five times too big."

"That sounds like a good description," the doctor smiled.

"How do I fix things with my husband?" Kate asked, the word 'husband' sounding foreign on her tongue. "He suggested that we date. Do I follow the three date rule before I sleep with him?"

"Kate, that's up to you. If you want to follow the three date rule, then that's what you need to tell Castle. But, you are married to him. Follow your heart. I have no doubt that before all of this happened, you loved him very much."

"I'm sure that I did, too. He told me last night that he loved me so much. No man has ever said that to me before. It's in his eyes when he looks at me, it's in his smile, it's in his words. The dedications in every Nikki Heat book describes how he feels about me."

"I know. I've read them," the doctor smiled.

Kate walked out of the doctor's office into a bitterly cold December afternoon. The air smelled heavily of snow. She pulled out her phone, not surprised that she had several texts from Castle. The last one made her smile. **'I hope that you're feeling more relaxed at your dad's. 3.'**

She got behind the wheel of her dad's car before calling him. He answered instantly. "Hey, Castle," she said into the phone.

"Hi," she could hear the smile in his voice. "So, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to have dinner with me later."

"Is this part of your master plan to win me back?" She teased.

"No. It's just dinner."

"Castle, I was teasing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your—"

"Kate, it's all right. Would you like to have dinner?"

"Dinner sounds great. What time?"

"Seven?"

"Okay, seven it is. How should I dress?"

"Casual. Jeans is cool."

"Okay. I'll see you later."

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I do love you."

"I'll see you tonight," she ended the call before starting the engine of her dad's Buick.

***CCC***

At the loft, Castle placed his phone on the counter before picking up his coffee cup. "Is Kate coming back?" Lucy asked.

"She'll be back."

"I'm not so sure, Rick. What if you scared her away?"

"How can you say that? How can you even _think_ that?" He shouted at the apparatus.

"Rick, I don't think, at all. I'm a machine, remember? But isn't that thought in the back of your mind? That she might choose not to return?"

"She's coming back," he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt at the moment. He then retrieved his phone and made a call. "Hayley, it's me. Have you found anything else about Caleb Brown?"

"I'm still searching, Rick. When I find something, I'll call you."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Who's Caleb Brown?" Lucy inquired.

"Lucy, off," Castle ordered, the machine going quiet and dark.

At the house, Flynn looked at Caleb Brown. "Castle's assistant is looking into you. I'll have to put a stop to that."

"Just send a warning, Flynn. The old man doesn't want anybody dead just yet."

***CCC***

When Jim Beckett walked into his house shortly after six, Kate was in the living room pulling on a pair of boots over the calves of her jeans. "You look nice," he commented, putting his brief case down on the dining room table. "Do you have plans with Rick?"

"Yes dad, I have a date with my husband. With any luck, I'll be out of my bedroom and back into his apartment soon."

"Katie, I love having you here. It's nice to have you here when I'm sober and able to enjoy your company."

"Regardless, I know that you would rather have your house back."

"Where is he taking you?" Jim went into the kitchen, returning with a bottle of water.

"I don't know. He just told me to dress casual."

"How did it go with Dr. Morales?"

"Good. Did you meet my other therapist?"

"Dr. Burke?" He asked as she nodded. "Yes, I did. He's very pleasant and the two of you had a great rapport. You still see him on occasion when your PTSD flares up."

"Wait! When my what flares up?"

"PTSD. You developed it after your shooting. You were okay for a little while and then when you were held by Kelly Neiman, it flared up again."

Kate didn't say anything, but she stored the name 'Kelly Neiman' in the back of her mind. One more person to ask Castle about. "Am I okay now?"

"Yeah, you're great. Castle knows what to look for and he's great at helping you to deal with it."

He smiled at her when they heard the doorbell ring. "Hi," Castle smiled at his father-in-law, who stepped aside to let him into the house. "You look fantastic," he complimented Kate.

"Let me grab my coat and keys," she quickly exited the room, returning a minute later. "Dad, I'll be home later."

"Have a good time," he kissed her on the cheek.

"I will," she looked at Castle. " _We_ will."

They walked out to the curb where Castle's silver Buick was waiting for them. He opened the door for her before walking around to the driver's side and getting behind the wheel. "Is Remy's okay with you?" He asked, watching her snap her seatbelt into place.

"Remy's is perfect."

"How was your day?" He asked, pulling away from the curb and heading toward the end of the street.

"Pretty good. I had a nice talk with Dr. Morales. I told her that you wanted to date. This feels strange, Castle. We're married. We shouldn't have to date."

"Hey, married couples date. Ryan and Jenny plan one date night a week. Sometimes they ask Alexis to babysit and sometimes they ask one of Jenny's family members to babysit. They even got Mother involved once," he chuckled at the memory.

"Please tell me that you took video," Kate laughed.

"Let's just say it's been a long time since we've had to chase a toddler around the loft. It was fun, but it was exhausting."

"So, we helped her out?"

"Oh, yeah. My mother's not as young as she used to be, contrary to what she might tell you otherwise."

"Did we talk about babies?"

"The subject has come up a few times. We even took care of a baby a couple of years ago. A three-month-old boy."

"He was part of a case?"

"Yeah. Kate, you remembered that?"

"No, not really. I keep getting these flashes. I want to remember. I really do."

"I know."

When they walked into Remy's, they were greeted by their regular server, a young woman named Mandy. "I think it's going to snow tonight," she said, placing glasses of soda in front of them. "Do you want the usual?"

"Yes," they both answered.

"Mandy?" Kate called out as the young woman stopped and turned toward them. "Can I also get a strawberry shake?"

"You've got it, Captain. Extra thick, just the way that you like it."

"I was thinking that after we eat, we can take a walk in the park across the street."

"Castle, it's freezing outside."

"I just want to spend some time alone with you. I'll keep you warm."

"Can I ask you something?" She bit her lip, waiting for him to finish a drink of his soda. "Are we going to follow the three date rule?"

"We can or we can take it as slowly as you'd like."

"Are we good at that?"

"Oh, we're really good at _that_ ," he gave her the cock-eyed smile that she'd hated when he'd been shadowing her.

She gave him a patented eye roll just as Mandy returned with their food. She waited until the waitress had walked away before speaking again. "My dad told me that I suffer from PTSD. He said that you've been great at helping me deal with it. I know that can't be easy."

"It isn't," he admitted. "But you've done the same for me."

"You have it, too?"

"No, mine's not PTSD. But I have nightmares from my two-month abduction. We're quite a pair."

"I have another name for you, Rick," she looked at him. "Kelly Neiman. What did she do to me?" She instantly saw the look on his face, a look that she couldn't remember ever seeing before. A combination of pain and indescribable rage. "Rick?"

"For years we tried to find a serial killer named Jerry Tyson. You might know him better as 3XK."

"We solved the Triple Killer case?"

"Yeah, we solved it, but it took four years and almost got the both of us killed in the process. He stole Ryan's gun and it was later used to kill another girl. Ryan still struggles with that one. He framed me for murder. You shot him off of the Triborough Bridge. They couldn't find his body, so we assumed that he was dead. Only he wasn't. A year later, he gained a partner. Her name was Kelly Neiman. She was a plastic surgeon. The first thing that they did was kill victims who had had surgery so that they resembled Lanie and Esposito."

"Oh my god."

"We never saw him. We didn't even realize that they were connected until we got his prison records and saw that she was a doctor at the prison where he'd been incarcerated. By the time we made the connection, all of his files disappeared. Neiman cleaned out her clinic and disappeared. Until last year. Kate, the rest of this is hard," he cleared his throat before taking a bite of his burger and a drink of his soda.

"Castle, it's okay," she found herself reaching out and putting her hand over his. "Did she hurt me?"

"She kidnapped you. We spent over 24 hours looking for you. But, you're so bad ass, Kate," he managed to smile. "She had you strapped to a table, but you managed to get yourself free. You overpowered her and killed her just as me and the boys kicked in the door to rescue you."

"What happened to Tyson?"

"Espo shot and killed him."

"I had PTSD episodes after?"

"Yeah, for a few months afterward. But you're fine now."

"I must be a handful."

"You are, but so am I."

It was a little after eight when they crossed the street to the small park. "Take my hand," he held his gloved hand out to her. "Come on, dating couples hold hands."

"If I take your hand, then that would leave you with one," she smiled up at him.

"Stop quoting Dudley Moore and take my hand." His smile was huge when she placed her hand into his.

"Did we write our own vows or did we go all traditional? And I wasn't quoting Dudley Moore. I was quoting the actress who played his fiancé."

"I have a copy of the wedding DVD in the car. I'll give it to you before I take you home. And the actress who played Arthur's fiancé was Jill Eikenberry. She was also on 'L.A. Law.'"

"Is there anything that you don't know?"

"I don't know who took you," he looked at her with so much sadness that she felt her heart start to break. "And I don't know why they took you."

"I don't either."

"I was thinking," they began slowly walking again. "I was thinking that for our next date you should come over and play with me."

"Excuse me?" She stopped walking.

"Not like that," he made a show of sighing and rolling his eyes. "Come over and we'll play laser tag."

Kate remembered the very first time she'd come to the loft that he had been playing laser tag with Alexis. "Have we played before?"

"Yeah, every once in a while. Sometimes it's me against you and Alexis. Sometimes it's just the two of us, which is usually a lot more fun," he waggled his eyebrows at her. "Tomorrow night. Come over and play laser tag. Nothing more. Just a friendly game of laser tag."

"Okay," she looked up at the sky as the first flakes of snow began to fall. "Look, Castle. It's snowing."

"Isn't it great?"

Ever the gentleman, Castle walked Kate up to her father's front door. He pressed a plastic case into her hand before kissing her on the cheek. "I'll pick you up tomorrow night at seven."

"Okay," she watched him drive away before unlocking the front door and walking inside. Before she closed the door, she turned back just as Castle was starting to get back inside of his car. "Castle!"

"Yeah?"

"Come here a second."

"What's wrong?" He walked back up to the front porch.

"Take this," she pressed the DVD case back into his hand. "I want us to watch it together."

"I'd like that, too," he kissed her on the cheek once more before going to his car.

Kate watched until he drove away before going inside. Jim looked up from his recliner. "Hey, Katie Bug. Did you have a nice time with Rick?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sweetie."

After taking a shower, Kate got into bed and thought about her evening with Rick. It had been a perfect first date. But as much as she'd enjoyed dinner, Kate had loved the walk through the park even more. Her last conscious thoughts before going to sleep was of the snow falling from the sky.

' _Castle!' Her fingers clung to the edge of the roof, her grasp weakening by the second. 'Castle, help me!'_

' _Beckett!'_

' _Castle! I'm here!'_

Jim Beckett was still reading in his recliner when he heard a crashing sound coming from Katie's bedroom. He jumped to his feet, dropping his book to the floor as he ran down the hallway to her bedroom. "Katie?" He knocked on the door, but the sound that he heard terrified him.

Tentatively opening the door, he didn't see his daughter right away, but he could see that her bedside lamp had been knocked to the floor. "Katie?" He called out again, but the only answer he got was the sound of her harsh breathing.

"Katie?" He walked into the room and looked around. "Katie, please answer me. Are you all right?"

"I . . . can't."

Following the sound of her voice, he finally found her huddled in the corner of her room, her knees clutched to her chest and her hair hanging wildly in her eyes. "I was falling. He was going to kill me."

"Who was going to kill you?" He crouched down in front of her, wincing when he felt his knees pop.

"I . . . can't," she repeated. "I . . . can't."

"You can't what, Katie? You're not making any sense. Sweetie, it was just a dream."

"I was falling . . . I was about to die."

"Katie, I'm going to call Rick. Hopefully, he'll know what to do."

At the loft, Castle was in his office writing when his cell phone rang. He immediately picked it up when he saw who the caller was. "Jim, is something wrong?"

"Rick, there's something wrong. Katie . . . I don't know if she was dreaming. She's in a corner of her bedroom and I can't get through to her."

"Okay. I'll be there in 15 or 20 minutes. Just keep trying to talk to her. Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever you do, don't touch her."

"I've got you. I'll leave the front door unlocked."

Castle ran upstairs to Alexis' room and tapped on her door. "Dad, is everything okay?"

"I have to head out to Jim Beckett's. Kate's having a PTSD episode and her father doesn't know how to help her. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Okay. Be careful."

Back at the Beckett's house, Jim returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of Katie's bed. She acted as if he wasn't there, at first, but suddenly, she jumped to her feet and ran past him out of her room. "Katie, where are you going?"

"He'll keep trying until I'm dead. I have to get out of here!" She ran to the door and turned the handle, getting the door opened just as her father came up behind her and slammed it closed. "What're you doing? We're not safe here! I'm not safe!"

"Katie, it's okay. Rick's on his way. He knows what to do. I talked to you about this earlier. Do you remember?"

"No," she shook her head. "No one's safe. He's going to kill all of you."

Jim didn't know who this mysterious 'he' was that Katie kept referring to, but he decided to let that pass for the time being. After what felt like an eternity, he saw headlights pulling into the driveway, followed seconds later by Rick walking through the front door. "I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to do."

"It's okay. It's a trial and error thing, believe me." He looked at Kate, who was standing between the front door and her father's recliner. "Kate? Do you want to sit down?" After a couple of minutes, she sat down in the recliner, perched stiffly on the edge like she was going to run at a moment's notice. He sat on the edge of the coffee table and looked at her. "What's going on? Can you talk about it?"

"I was falling. I called for you, but you . . . you didn't come. He's going to kill everybody, Castle."

"Who is?"

" _He_ is."

"Kate, you're safe. No one is going to hurt you."

" _He_ threw me off of a roof, Castle. None of us are safe."

Castle looked over Kate's head at Jim, who didn't know what to think. "Kate, what did you dream?"

"I was hanging off of a roof. I kept calling for you, but I fell before you found me."

"I wasn't there, Kate. Ryan was there. He was able to grab your wrist before you fell. The man who pushed you from the roof is dead. His name was Cole Maddox. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you."

"But it really happened?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"You're usually pretty wiped once the episodes' end. Do you want me to stay until you go to sleep?"

"Is that what you usually do?"

"Usually."

"Will it happen again?"

"I don't know. You don't usually have more than one episode at a time. I think that you're okay to go to sleep."

"I'm going to go to bed, then. Goodnight, Castle. Goodnight, dad."

"Goodnight, Kate," Castle watched as she stood up and went back down the hall to her room, closing the door behind her.

"Goodnight, sweetie." Jim waited until her door was closed before sitting down in the recliner. "Thank you for coming, Rick. I didn't know what to do."

"You handled it fine. I'm picking her up tomorrow night for another date. I think I'm going to try to convince her to come back to the loft."

 **A/N #3: One of my favorite movies is the original 'Arthur' with Dudley Moore. A running joke between me and my main Unmuse, Chuck, is the line in the restaurant between Arthur's fiancé, Susan, and him. 'Arthur, give me your hand.' 'But that would leave you with one.' I had to use it in this chapter.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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	9. Memory Lane

**DISCLAIMERS: 'Castle' doesn't belong to me.**

 **A/N #1: I want to thank Kelly, Angie, Jo, and my muses for all of the help with this story. Kelly, who occasionally joins my muses in asking the burning question: 'What in the hell are you thinking?' Jo for her always amazing Caskett videos, especially 'Forgetting,' which she graciously allowed me to turn into this story. And Angie, for her incredible art work. I wish I was a tenth as talented as you are when it comes to cover art. Finally, my muses: Chuck, Marc, Gina and Averil. Thank you for the ideas and thank you for reminding me to slow down and take my time. Writing is a marathon and not a sprint. Sometimes I forget that and get ahead of myself.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 9: Memory Lane**

Kate was sitting in a coffee shop, warming her hands around a ceramic mug, watching the steam rising from the cup. For some reason, watching that steam brought weird flashes of sitting in another coffee shop. But, as usually happened with the flashes, she couldn't remember where she'd been or when it had taken place.

She looked up when she heard the bell above the door and smiled when she saw the person taking long strides toward her table. "Thanks for meeting me," she told Esposito, waiting until the waitress had come over with a cup of coffee for him.

"Cute beanie," Esposito looked at the white knitted beret on Beckett's head with an arched eyebrow.

"It's a beret and thanks, I think. I've rediscovered some of my old clothes while staying at my dad's. He never gets rid of anything."

"What's on your mind? When you called this morning, you sounded a little rattled."

"I had an attack last night."

"A PTSD attack?"

"Yeah. My dad didn't know how to deal with it. He had to call Castle. Do I have them often?"

"I don't know. I don't live with you and it's not like Castle brings up your PTSD episodes during casual conversation. I see that you're at least still wearing your ring," he glanced down at Kate's left hand.

"I might not remember being married to him, but it doesn't seem right to take off my ring."

"Why am I here, Kate?" The use of her first name got her attention. Espo rarely used her first name.

"I had a nightmare last night. That was what started everything. I was hanging from a rooftop, calling for Castle. The thing is, I've had these flashes and that is one of the flashes that I keep having. Did that happen? And please don't tell me to ask Castle."

"We were looking for the man who shot you at Montgomery's funeral. I take it that you do know what happened to the captain?"

"Yeah, Castle told me. Lanie told me that I got shot while giving the eulogy and that Castle tackled me."

"Just as you got shot. We tried to work the case while you were recovering, but then Capt. Gates came in . . . she was Montgomery's replacement," he added when he saw the confused look on her face. "Anyway, we had to drop the investigation. Nothing happened for almost a year. Then someone broke into Montgomery's house and stole some files. The dude ended up being murdered by the guy who shot you. When we were looking for him, he ambushed us. He knocked me out cold and knocked you off of a rooftop during a scuffle. He left you hanging there. Ryan pulled you off right before your fingers gave out."

"Where was Castle? Why wasn't he there?"

"I don't know. You told me and Ryan that he was off the team, but you never said what happened. Ryan and I had a falling out after you were rescued. We didn't really talk for over a week. He told me later that he tried to call Castle that day, but he didn't pick up his phone. I think that was the night his daughter graduated from high school."

" _If they want a war, I will bring them a war. Straight to their doorstep."_

" _Well then, I guess there's nothing I can say, is there? Okay . . . um, yeah, you're right, Kate. It's your life. You can throw it away if you want, but I'm not going to stick around and watch you, so this is . . . um, over. I'm done."_

"Kate?" Kate looked up, her eyes meeting Espo's. "Are you all right? Another flash?"

"I'm not sure. Tell me about him and me, Javi. What are we like together?"

"You're kidding, right? You two are crazy for each other. You have been for a long time, long before you hooked up. You were both just too stubborn to admit it. He'd see other chicks, you hooked up with a doctor—"

"Wait! A doctor?"

"Yeah. Castle used to call him 'Dr. Motorcycle Boy.' It would drive you nuts. But, if it hadn't been for Josh . . . that was his name . . . if it hadn't been for him, you would've died that day in the cemetery."

"He's so childish."

"Kate, he's not that same guy. He changed. He told me and Ryan once that he changed because you made him want to change. He knew that he was never going to have a chance with you so long as he stayed that childish playboy. I mean, don't get me wrong. That guy is still there, but not like he used to be. He won this award last spring. The Poe's Pen. It's an award given to mystery writers. He gave this speech that just blew me away. He thanked all of us, but his words to you were just amazing. He's so proud of you and you feel the same way about him. Why aren't you asking him any of this? If you're afraid of his answers, don't be."

"We're playing laser tag at the loft later. Apparently, it's something that we do quite often."

"Yeah, but I get the feeling that sometimes clothing is optional."

"Naked laser tag? Now that sounds like the Castle I'm familiar with."

"When you were missing, I don't think he was sleeping more than two hours a night. We'd send him home and when we'd come in the next morning he'd already be there, working with Sorensen or looking up stuff on the computer. He has great cop instincts, Beckett. Gates hated having him around. He played the 'I'm friends with the mayor' trump card, just like he did with Montgomery. It took her a long time, but eventually she saw why you liked having him around. You told me once that she made the comment to you that he wasn't a cop. You told her that was what made him so good. You saw the evidence, but he saw the story. Am I helping at all?"

"How many cases have we worked together? Me and Castle?"

"More than 100. I wish that you could remember."

"So do I. Kevin got married. What about you?"

"Are you kidding?" Espo made a face. "Me and Lanie—"

"You and Lanie?" Kate gave him an incredulous look. "You _and_ Lanie?"

"We were on again/off again. But right now, we're off again and have been for a while. We just both want different things."

"Wow," she took a breath. "You and Lanie. Wait until I quiz her about that."

"He's a good man, Kate. And you're lucky that his daughter and mother like you. Hell, his ex-wives even like you. Not too many wives can lay claim to that."

"Meredith and Gina like me?"

"Oh, yeah. Especially Meredith. Why don't you want to talk to him about the stuff that you're asking me?"

"I don't know. I guess I was afraid that he'd just tell me what he thought I want to hear."

After chatting with Esposito for a little while longer, they parted ways; Espo to go back to the precinct and Kate to head back to her dad's house. But instead of immediately going to get her dad's car, instead she began walking down the street with no destination in time. It was a cold day with a brisk wind blowing her along.

After walking for several minutes, she found herself standing in front of the New York Public Library. She walked up the stone steps and into the huge building. She was instantly assailed by the scent of books and flashes of memory.

' _Richard Castle, you're under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice.'_

' _You forgot making you look bad.'_

' _I'm glad that you got my message.'_

' _I'm glad that I understood what you meant. The first time I arrested you. What you wouldn't give to be back there now.'_

Feeling her breath begin to speed up, Kate quickly left the building and sat down on the cold stone steps. What did the flashes mean? She remembered arresting Castle at the library during the Alison Tisdale case, but she didn't remember the other flash. Why were they at the library? She took out her phone and texted Castle. **'Did I arrest you at the library a second time?'**

' **No. Why?'** Came his almost instant reply.

' **I'm at the library and I'm having flashes, but I don't know what they mean.'**

' **Are u ok?'**

' **I don't know. I feel confused.'**

' **Do u want me 2 come and get u?'**

' **No. I have my dad's car.'**

' **Come 2 the loft. Plz?'**

' **Ok. I'll be there soon.'**

After a few minutes, Kate got back to her feet and walked back to the parking garage to collect her dad's car. She got inside and started it, allowing her breathing to calm down while the car warmed up. She closed her eyes and visualized Castle talking to her the night before, his voice calm and reassuring. She found herself wondering if it was always like that when she had these episodes.

***CCC***

After talking to Kate, Castle made a fresh pot of coffee and placed some pastries in the oven to warm. He'd just removed the pastries from the oven when she rang the doorbell. He opened the door with a huge smile. "Hi. Come on in," he stepped aside to let her into the apartment. "I have coffee and apple Danishes."

"Coffee sounds wonderful. I'm not sure if I can eat anything."

"Why were you at the library?" He asked, placing the two cups of coffee and some of the Danishes on a tray. "Come on, we can sit in the living room." They both sat and he handed one of the coffee cups to her.

"I had coffee with Espo. When I left the diner, I just started walking. When I got to the library, I walked inside. The flashes are so weird, Castle. The best way to describe them is when you're watching a movie and you hit the fast forward button. They go so fast that I can't see what's happening, but we were at the library. You said something about me understanding your message. Did that happen?"

"Yeah. Do you remember when I told you about 3XK?" She nodded, so he continued. "Right after we started seeing each other, he came back. He killed a woman and framed me for it. While I was in holding in the middle of the night, he came back and told me that he was going to kill me. I made some calls and arranged for fake cops to take me to the tombs. When the real cops showed up, everybody thought that Tyson had kidnapped me. Before I was taken away, I asked you if you remembered the first time that you'd arrested me at the library and how I would give anything to be back there now. You got my message and found me at the library. I remember seeing you standing there with a relieved smile on your face and then you just rushed into my arms."

"You must've been terrified."

"It was the most scared I'd ever been up to that point. I've had some worse experiences since then."

"Espo has a lot of respect for you. He told me that you're a good man and that you're crazy about me."

"I love Esposito and Ryan. They're my brothers from another mother. And he's right. I am crazy about you."

The way that Castle was looking at her made the blood rush to Kate's face. She pulled away when she sensed him moving closer. "Do you have more pictures?"

"I have a lot of pictures. I'll be right back."

He returned a few minutes later with a floral decorated box and sat down next to her. "They're not in albums?" Kate asked.

"Oh, they were. I took some of these out in hopes that . . . in hopes that they might jog something. Let me show you my all-time favorite one first." He showed her a picture of the two of them at what appeared to be a fancy event judging by their dress. Castle was dressed in blue dress pants, shirt and jacket while Kate was attired in a black cocktail dress. He was standing in back of her with his hands clutched tightly around her waist, both of them smiling for the camera. "This was at one of James Patterson's launch parties for one of his 'Women's Murder Club' books."

"Javi was telling me about an award that you won—"

"Yeah. Poe's Pen," he nodded.

"Is there a way that I can watch your speech?"

"I have it on a flash drive. Let me go and get it."

Kate got up and walked around while she waited for Castle. She stopped in front of the piano, looking at the pictures that covered the top of it. Sensing that he was behind her, she spoke up, "I feel like I'm looking at someone else's life."

"I found the speech," he held up the flash drive when she turned around. "We can watch it on the laptop in my office." She followed him into the bookshelf lined office and watched him plug the drive into his computer. "Please have a seat."

She sat down in his desk chair and waited for the file to open. She saw the link entitled 'Poe's Pen Speech' and clicked on it. She loved the way that Castle looked in a tuxedo. She listened to the words that he said to his family and their co-workers. But her breath caught in her throat when she heard the words that he directed to her. "And Kate. Seven years ago I thought that I would never write again and then you walked through the door and my whole world changed. You were right. You said I had no idea, but now I do. This is because of you; because of us. Always."

She sat there twisting her wedding ring for several minutes once the video clip ended. Castle wasn't sure what she was thinking. "Kate? Are you okay?"

"I hate this," she stood up, closing the lid on the laptop. "I hate not knowing what they did to me. I hate not knowing who 'they' even are. I hate what this is doing to our families, our friends . . . us. I hate seeing how hurt you are because I don't remember our life together . . . I see in your eyes how much you love me . . . and I want to remember loving you just as fiercely, but I don't! It hurts, Castle!"

"I know," he gently reached out and pulled her into his arms, her body stiff at first, but gradually she relaxed and gripped the back of his shirt with her hands. "I know." Before he was able to stop himself, he pulled back slightly, cupping her face in his hands and softly kissed her.

"Castle—" She moved away from him, more forcefully than she'd intended to.

"Oh god, Kate," he took a couple of steps back, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. I've missed you. I'm sorry."

He quickly left the room, leaving Kate feeling more confused than ever. It wasn't that she didn't like the kiss. She did, more than she was ready to admit. She walked back into the living room and found Castle looking out of his sliding glass doors at the city skyline. "Rick, you didn't do anything wrong. This is confusing for both of us. Let's take a couple of breaths and then we can look at more pictures. Okay?"

He looked at her, his eyes filled with so much sadness that it caused her heart to ache. "I like the word that you used to describe my love for you. It really is fierce. I've never felt anything like it."

"What if I never remember?"

"Then we'll just have to go about creating a new love story, won't we?"

"Yeah, I guess that we will. I almost had another attack today when I went into the library," she told him as she followed him back to the sofa. "Do you know how I managed to calm myself down?"

"No, how?" He sat down and picked up the box, setting it on his lap.

"I remembered how your voice sounded last night when my dad called you. You were so calm and so reassuring."

"Well, I had a good teacher. When you told me about the PTSD, you also told me what I had to do when you had episodes. You never taught your dad because we never thought that there'd be a need. Speaking of which, maybe you should consider moving back into the loft. If it would make you feel better, you can have the guest room upstairs. You were quite comfortable there when your apartment blew up."

"My apartment blew up? Oh, this has got to be good."

"I promise you that's a story for another time. Kate, please come back home," he looked at her with pleading eyes. "I promise that I will give you all of the space that you need. But if you're having nightmares, that could mean that you're starting to remember. If you have more PTSD episodes, it would be better if you were here so that Alexis or I can handle things."

"Alexis knows what to do?"

"Oh, yes. So does my mother."

"What triggers my episodes?"

"After your shooting, it was loud noises or alarms. You mentioned to me once that certain smells could trigger you. We think that was because of the smells while you were in the hospital. After Vulcan Simmons, you didn't like water hitting your face for a very long time. I'd have to shower with you so that I could wash your hair."

"I'm sure that was such a hardship for you," she quipped.

"Oh, you have no idea," he bantered back.

"Show me some more pictures."

"These were taken on our honeymoon," he pulled out some pictures of the two of them dressed in Western garb. "We were actually working a case, but we combined the two things because we didn't get to take a real honeymoon."

"Why?"

"You didn't have any vacation time. When I disappeared on our original wedding day, you used up most of your vacation days trying to find me. But we've more than made up for it since then."

"Really? Where have we gone?"

"Well, we went to the Arizona Dude Ranch. And then last summer, we spent five days in the Maldives. That was where we were supposed to have gone on our honeymoon until I messed everything up."

"Rick?"

"Yeah?" He looked at her.

"Don't do that. I know that I don't remember what happened, but I do know just spending time with you over the last several days that you'd never intentionally hurt me. Please don't beat yourself up over something that was out of your control."

"I'd see the hurt in your eyes when you thought that I wasn't looking. The last straw was getting the invitation to Sorensen's wedding—"

"Will invited us to his wedding?"

"Well, he invited _you_. I'm not sure he knew about us, although he must have, because the invitation came to this address. I remember asking you if you wanted to go and you said that you weren't ready to go and see someone else's perfect day. I felt like a total shit."

Now it was Kate's turn to lean in and press her lips to his cheek, inhaling the scent of his aftershave. Castle closed his eyes and swallowed at the feel of her lips on his skin. She then drew back and touched his cheek, giving him a gentle smile. "I'm sure that I never blamed you."

"You didn't. But I blamed me. We got married a couple of days later in the Hamptons at sunset. You told me later that it was perfect."

"When did you change?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you were shadowing me, I couldn't stand you. In fact, you drove me nuts. When did that change?"

"It wasn't a sudden change. And there wasn't any one thing that caused it. I do know that you made me want to be better."

"Esposito said the same thing. But what did I say or do that made you want to be better? I'm trying to understand."

"I think that most of it happened after you were shot. We both changed for each other. The day that you got shot," he took a deep breath, the memory that he was about to reveal obviously very painful, "when you were laying in the grass, I told you that I loved you. I'd been trying to work up the nerve to tell you that for weeks, but we kept getting interrupted. My timing sucked, but the sentiment didn't."

"Is that when we got together?"

"No," he shook his head. "You were so broken, so damaged after you got shot. I didn't understand all of it, not until months later. I visited you in the hospital and you told me that you didn't remember anything from that day."

"It must've been the shock. I'm sorry that I didn't remember."

"Can we change the subject?" He got up and walked into the kitchen.

"What is Alexis majoring in at school?"

"She hasn't declared a major, but she's taking a lot of psychology and law courses, so my guess is probably pre-law or maybe psychology."

"So, we get along all right?"

"You've had rough spots, but for the most part, you get along with her great. And my mother is absolutely crazy about you," he smiled before coming back and sitting beside her once again. "I have to show you something. Follow me."

Kate got up and followed Castle into the bedroom where he removed a black velvet covered box from one of the dresser drawers. "You wore these on both of our wedding days. They had belonged to both my grandmother and my great-grandmother before they were passed to my mother. I hadn't seen these earrings since I was a little boy."

Kate opened the box and gasped when she saw the diamond and sapphire earrings nestled in the box. Seeing them reminded her of when Martha had loaned her the choker for the M.A.D.T. event she'd attended with Castle so long ago. "She _gave_ these to me?"

"When you tried to give them back, she refused. She said that one day you could give them to our daughter on her wedding day."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed, still clutching the earrings as she began to cry. "This is so hard, Castle! Why does it have to be this hard?"

"Kate, please don't cry," he sat beside her and cautiously slid his arm around her shoulders. "I didn't show you the earrings to make you cry. I was hoping . . . I was hoping that maybe they'd trigger something."

She looked at him and could see the sadness in his eyes. How much this was hurting him. "This is hurting you, too. I'm so sorry, Castle."

"It's okay," he hugged her close once again. "We're going to figure this out."

"How?"

"By figuring out who was holding you. I think that's where all of the answers lie."

They spent the rest of the afternoon looking through pictures while Castle shared stories with her. By five that afternoon, she pretty much had been told everything about the adventures they had shared over the past few years. Apparently, they'd encountered a tiger while handcuffed together in a small room; almost froze to death in each other's arms after which Castle dismantled a dirty bomb. She still had trouble believing that story, but calls to the boys and Lanie backed his claim. "It was the first time you ever really hugged me. I wanted to take you out for drinks or dinner, but then Josh showed up to take you home."

"He was the doctor?" Kate asked as Castle nodded. "Did I love him?"

"I don't think so, but you never said and I never asked. I think I was afraid of hearing the answer. You broke up after your shooting."

"Did I ever say why?"

"Yeah. You said afterwards that he seemed more interested in being your doctor than in being your boyfriend. Are you hungry?"

"I'm getting there."

"How about Chinese?" He knew it was her favorite.

"Chinese sounds great."

"I'll order in and then we'll play laser tag. We could both use some fun for a couple of hours."

"Do we play a lot?"

"I think that you asked me that before. Yeah, we play a couple of times a month. Sometimes our clothes even stay on."

"Naked laser tag does sound a little more your speed where I'm concerned."

"Well, naked laser tag is fun, but naked Twister is even more fun," he grinned at her.

"Can I ask you a question?" She came over and perched on a stool, watching him as he removed a takeout menu from a drawer. "When did we get together for the first time?"

"It was May of 2012."

"I'd love to remember that night."

"You will," he walked around and sat down beside her, pushing the menu in front of her.

After they ate dinner and cleaned up, Castle left to go get the laser tag equipment. After strapping the vest on Kate and making sure that it worked, he handed her the night vision goggles before putting his own equipment on. "We play to 10. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," she smiled. She was looking forward to playing against him.

"Lucy, lights off," he instructed the AI as the lights went out, plunging the loft into total darkness.

For the next hour, they dodged each other's every move, shooting at and occasionally striking their target. Kate was behind the sofa, hiding from Castle, but trying to listen to his footsteps on the floor. Hearing a floorboard creak nearby, she let out a squeal and ran for the kitchen. Hearing Castle close behind her, she jumped around the counter, but her arm hit the AI device on the edge of the counter. The sound of the device crashing to the floor caused Kate to jump a foot in the air. "Kate, are you all right?" Castle hit the light switch and saw Kate crouched on the floor, her knees drawn to her chest, shaking. "Kate, look at me. Look at me," he repeated, smiling when she finally turned her eyes to him. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry, Castle. I didn't see her in the dark," she stopped talking when she saw something curious in the broken shards of Castle's home security system lying on the kitchen floor. She looked at Castle and made a telephone sign with her hands.

"Kate, what're you doing? You want my phone?" She put a finger to her lips, made the sign once again and then moved her index finger back and forth between the two of them.

Not understanding what was going on, Castle got up and retrieved both of their cell phones. He handed Kate her phone before sitting across from her. He watched as she texted a message. Seconds later, his phone lit up with a text message. He unlocked his phone and read the text message from the woman who was sitting less than three feet away from him. **'Have you had trouble with either the land line or your cells here in the loft? Don't verbally answer. Text me back.'**

' **We've been getting interference on the land line. Same with cells when in living room, dining room or kitchen. Why?'**

Kate reached over and picked up Lucy's remains from the floor, pointing to something near the bottom of it. **'When did u get Lucy?'**

' **Right after you became captain.'** That was when Castle saw what Kate was pointing at. **'Could it be how she communicates?'**

' **No. It's clearly a bug.'**

' **Let me call Sorensen & the boys to get a team to sweep.' **

He started to get up from the floor, but Kate stopped him, typing some more. **'Text him. They're listening to us.'**

' **Should we go to your dad's?'**

' **No. What if they've bugged his house? Castle, what if they've bugged his car?'**

Castle once again got up and held his hand out to Kate. He then pointed at his front door and at her before once again pointing to the door. Getting the message, she got up and removed her laser tag gear, depositing it on the sofa, watching Castle do the same before they both left the apartment. Castle quietly closed the door and led her to the elevator. Once inside, he spoke up. "When we get downstairs, I'll get us a cab. We'll go to The Four Seasons and figure out our next move. In the meantime, I'm calling Sorensen."

On the elevator ride downstairs, Kate wondered what in the hell she'd gotten herself into that had led to Castle's home being bugged and her being kidnapped.

 **A/N #2: The picture that I described of Kate and Castle supposedly at a book launch party for James Patterson is from a picture that I actually have on my computer. It's one of my favorite pics of Nathan and Stana.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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	10. Tailspin

**DISCLAIMERS: The usual, yadda, yadda, yadda.**

 **SUMMARY: Kate returns to Dr. Burke after Castle gives her information that sends her into a tailspin.**

 **A/N #1: Thanks Kelly, Jo, Angie, and my muses for everything.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 10: Tailspin**

She was agitated. Castle knew that Kate was agitated just by the way that she kept pacing back and forth in front of him in their suite at The Four Seasons. He knew that if he didn't stop her, she'd launch herself straight into a panic attack. "Kate? Please sit down and try to calm down."

"Calm down? Castle, what in the hell did I get mixed up in? You told me that I went missing for two days back in September. What happened? And don't tell me that you can't tell me. Castle, somebody placed a bug in your home. They're sweeping my dad's car and home for bugs. They're sweeping your P.I. office for bugs. What is going on?" She finally sat down, her hands tightly clenched between her knees, her eyes firmly fixed on him.

"I don't know all of it. That's the truth. Do you want a drink? Because I want a drink," he got up and walked over to the wet bar, pouring Scotch into two cut crystal glasses, bringing one over to her before sitting across from her once again.

"Wow, I had no idea that this was going to be a glass of Scotch story," she took a sip of her drink, feeling the liquor burn a path down her throat.

"Kate, this might end up being a whole bottle of Scotch story. Right before you and I got together, we got a hit on the man who shot you. Ryan and I wanted to tell Capt. Gates, but you worried that if you told her, then she'd open up an investigation on Montgomery. So we investigated him on the sly. Right after you got shot, I started receiving phone calls from a man by the name of Smith. Capt. Montgomery had sent him information that was supposed to have kept you safe, but Smith didn't get the information until after you got shot."

"What did Montgomery send him?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"Kate, let me get to the files, okay?"

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"I came to your apartment to tell you to walk away from the case. You told me that you were fine. That was when I told you about Smith. He told me that in order for you to remain safe that you had to stop investigating your mother's murder. You got incredibly pissed off at me and I told you that I was done. I walked away."

"You quit?"

"I wasn't going to stand by and watch you die, Kate. I'd already done that once." She knew that he was referring to the day that she was shot. "The next night I was home after Alexis' graduation and you called me. I turned off my phone, but a minute later you were at my front door, soaking wet."

"Soaking wet?"

"It had been raining. You and Esposito had gone after Maddox, the guy who shot you. He knocked Espo out and knocked you off of a roof. Ryan got to you in the nick of time. But Gates was pissed. She suspended both you and Espo. Right after that was when you showed up at my front door."

"Did we find Maddox?"

"Yes. He tortured Smith and burned the files. But we found out that there was another copy of the files in a building that Smith owned. But the mail box that Smith hid the files in was booby-trapped. When Maddox opened the box, it blew up."

"So, we don't know what was in the files?"

"I didn't say that. Ryan brought us a bag of the pieces from the files. Between the four of us, we found a bank account number. The account belonged to a man named William Bracken. He was a Senator, Kate. But, back in the early 90's, he was the Assistant District Attorney. He discovered what Raglan, McCallister and Roy had done. He blackmailed them into silence. He later used the money to fund his campaign for the Senate."

"Where is he now?"

"He's dead, Kate."

"How?"

"While you were on the run, I found out that you'd gone to the prison to visit him. I went to see him to see what you'd talked about. Hours after I left, he attacked a guard. That landed him in solitary. While he was in solitary, someone shanked him."

"What did we talk about?"

"I don't know, Kate. He wouldn't tell me. He told me that you were always going to be tilting at windmills. That you were never going to be happy just being my wife."

"Do they know who killed him?"

"No. It's still an open investigation." Castle's cell rang. "It's Sorensen. Yeah, Will?"

"We finished sweeping the loft, Jim Beckett's house, his car, and the P.I. office. We found listening devices in your P.I. office and of course, the AI in the loft, but everything else was clean. Are you guys all right?"

"Yeah, we're okay. We're talking. We'll talk to you in the morning."

"You sure know how to kill date night, Castle," Kate drained the last of her drink before standing up.

"Sorry. I'm usually more of a fun date. Maybe we should talk about our next date."

"Not tonight, Castle. I'm really tired and I need to process everything you've told me. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kate."

She disappeared behind one of the two bedrooms, closing the door behind her. It reminded Castle of that night in L.A. when they'd been investigating Mike Royce's murder. After they got together, Kate had admitted to him that she'd almost gone to him that night instead of staying in her room. He found himself wishing that she'd come to him tonight. He missed having her with him.

Inside of her room, Kate stripped down to her bra and panties before getting under the covers on the bed. She glanced at her phone and saw that she had a missed text message from her dad asking if she was okay. She brought up his number and hit 'call.' "Katie, are you all right?" He asked upon answering.

"I'm okay. Castle and I are staying at The Four Seasons tonight. I'll bring your car back to you in the morning."

"Don't worry about the car. I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

After ending the call, Kate began nervously turning the bracelet on her wrist. She unclasped it and examined it carefully. Castle had told her that the bracelet had been a gift from him. She'd never seen such a beautiful piece of jewelry. She traced her index finger over the inscription on the outside, the simple word 'Always.' She got up and pulled her clothes back on before leaving her room and walking across the living room to Castle's room on the other side. She took a deep breath and knocked softly. "Castle?" She called out. When there was no answer, she knocked again. "Rick?"

Suddenly the door swung opened wide and Castle was standing there in his boxers. "Kate? Are you okay?" Seeing her giving him the once over, he became aware of how he was dressed. He quickly crossed the room and grabbed a robe from the end of the bed. "Is something wrong?"

"I took this off and now I can't get it clasped," she held the bracelet out toward him.

He took the bracelet from her hand and clasped it closed around her wrist, brushing his fingers across her hand when he finished. "Are you okay now?"

"Always. I saw it on the outside of the bracelet. Is it special to us?"

"Yeah, it's kind of our word," he smiled, but his eyes were sad.

"How do I remember? I want to remember. You said that I had a therapist. Do you think that I should call him? Or is it a woman?"

"Dr. Burke is a man. What're you going to tell him?"

"Everything. You're trying so hard, but I can see how much this is hurting you. How much it's hurting my dad. I need to remember so I can . . . so _we_ can figure out who took me and why. So we can find out what I was so mixed up in. Maybe then we can talk about a third date. I need to get better for that to happen."

"Well, do you think that you could stay in here with me tonight?"

"Castle, I really don't think—"

"Kate, I just need to hold you. That's all. I miss holding you."

"Do you think that you can control your hormones if I strip down to my underwear? I don't like sleeping in my clothes. It's too confining."

"I think I can manage to control my hormones. I don't know about you, though. You're a sex fiend," he grinned, moving over in the bed as she climbed in beside him.

"How do we usually do this when we're in bed together? Am I even on the right side of the bed?"

"You're fine," he pulled her so that her head was resting on his chest. "In fact, this is perfect."

The steady beat of his heart under her ear gradually lulled Kate to sleep. When she woke up the next morning, she studied Castle, who was still sleeping. She'd never noticed before how long his eyelashes were, how they rested on his cheeks. Or how very broad his chest was. She put her head back down and absentmindedly scratched her fingers over his stomach, feeling his muscles flex under her fingers. "Morning," his whole chest rumbled, making Kate's ear tickle.

"Morning."

"How did you sleep?" He asked, smiling when she sat up.

"Good. Really good, actually. Do I usually sleep well with you?"

"When we sleep," he teased. "I was going to order room service and then I thought that we could go back to the loft to shower and change clothes. Are you going to call Burke?"

"After I get a shower and clean clothes."

"Then, let's get up and order some breakfast."

***CCC***

"I wish that I could remember you, but I've had a problem with that," Kate was sitting across from Dr. Carter Burke. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a button down, a pair of flat-heeled boots on her feet. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.

"Rick told me about your memory loss, Kate. How can I help you?"

"I'm not sure that you can. Castle told me about the man who ordered my mom's murder. He told me that he was murdered himself a few months ago. I think if I could investigate his murder, it might lead me to the people who were holding me."

"I still don't see how that involves me."

"Can't you give me something that would help me get my memory back?"

"You've seen too many movies, Kate. Have you remembered anything, so far?"

"No, but I get flashes when I see certain things. I was in the library and I got a flash of meeting Castle there. He told me that he ran there after he was framed by Jerry Tyson. But I don't want to wander around New York City hoping to get random flashes of things that I don't remember."

"Let's talk about the man who was holding you. What can you tell me about him?"

"He was smart. He made himself appear as non-threatening as he could."

"Did you consider him to be threatening?"

Kate thought back to her relationship with the mysterious Flynn. He was very smart, extremely knowledgeable about almost any subject. While he never made any overt threats to her, Kate could always detect an undercurrent of rage in him. And he always made it a point to steer her away from the mysteriously locked third floor. "He didn't make any threats toward me, but I found this room one day. It was locked with one of those locks where you need a key card. He got very uptight when I found the room. Every time I mentioned it, he'd change the subject."

"What did you think was up there?"

"I think there was someone up there watching me. I noticed CCTV's in various areas of the house."

"You have no idea where this house was located?"

"No," she shook her head. "The night that I was brought back into the city, I was tasered. When I woke up, I was in the back seat of a car being taken back toward Manhattan."

"Do you have any memory of what happened to you that landed you in that house in the first place?"

"No. I woke up in a strange bed with a pounding headache and no memory of how I'd got there. Do you know Rick?"

"Yes, I've met Rick several times."

"Did you see him while I was missing? You said that you've spoken to him about my memory loss."

"Rick called me shortly after you were found and told me what was going on. How is that going?"

"I'm not sure. I know that I'm married to him and I know that he cares about me, but I just can't wrap my head around being with him like that."

"Where have you been staying?"

"At first I stayed with Castle at the loft, but then I moved into my dad's. But apparently I have panic attacks which my dad can't help me with. Do you think that I should stay at the loft?"

"That's up to you. Where do you feel more comfortable?"

"I don't _feel_ comfortable anywhere! I don't know where I'm supposed to belong!"

"Then is there a reason why you can't stay by yourself?"

"Where? I no longer have an apartment."

"Kate, you're an independent woman," Dr. Burke reminded her. "An independent woman with money in the bank. Check into a hotel until you figure things out. Maybe that will also help you to figure out where things stand with you and Rick."

"Yeah, that sounds like good advice to me. I think I understand why I have you as my therapist."

"Well, it hasn't always been this easy between us. I'm glad that I could help. Would you be willing to come back?"

"I think that's a no brainer. Maybe you can help me figure out who I am."

"I think you'll find that you are the same person that you were before the memory loss. See my receptionist about booking your next appointment."

A cold, sleety rain was falling when Kate stepped out of the therapist office. She pulled up the collar of her coat and began walking toward the subway entrance down the street. While waiting to cross the street, she found herself standing in front of a book store.

' _I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? Do you know what that's like? To watch the life drain out of someone you . . . someone you care about?'_

' _I told you I needed some time.'_

' _You said a few days.'_

' _I needed more.'_

' _Well, you should have said that.'_

She looked across the street and saw the playground. Frowning slightly, she changed direction and walked over to the playground and the wet swings. Her mind flashed on several images, none of which made any sense. She sat down on one of the swings, her toes pushing at the ground. The sleet was quickly soaking her, but Kate didn't care. She didn't know how long she sat there before she finally began to feel the cold. It was only then that she got up and went to the subway and the loft.

***CCC***

Alexis was curled up on the end of the sofa reading on her tablet when she heard a key in the door. She jumped to her feet when Kate entered the loft, soaking wet and obviously very cold. "Kate, you look like you're freezing!"

"I am," she said, shaking violently when she removed her coat and hung it in the closet by the front door.

"Why don't you take a warm shower and I'll make us some tea or maybe some cocoa. Go on," the young woman said when she saw Kate hesitating. "You need to get out of those wet clothes."

Kate stood still for a moment, her mind indecisive over which bathroom she should use; the one in the master bedroom or the guest room upstairs. Finally, she turned and went to the master bath since most of her clothes were still in that bedroom.

"Your dad isn't here?" Kate walked out of the bedroom 15 minutes later and sat down on one of the bar stools, watching Alexis bustle around the kitchen, putting the tea kettle on and getting mugs from the cabinet.

"No, he's at the P.I. office with Hayley and Sorensen. He told me to come home and relax. Do you want me to call him and ask him to come home? Because he will, you know."

"No, he doesn't have to come running home because of me. I'm kind of glad that he isn't here. It gives me a chance to talk to you without him being here."

"Talk to me about what?" Alexis came back into the room and handed Kate a mug of tea before sitting across from her.

"My memories of you are back from when you were what? Fifteen? Sixteen? Do we get along? Were you upset when your dad and I got together?"

"We get along great for the most part. We've had our ups and downs. I was angry with you after you got shot."

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"Kate—"

"Alexis, I don't remember anything. I get flashes of memory, but right now, those flashes don't mean anything. It's all right if you were angry with me. I just want to know why you were angry."

"That day in the cemetery, my dad was standing about 10 feet away from you. That sniper could've shot him. But that's not really why I was so angry. I mean, that was a part of it, but not the main reason." Alexis' mind went back in time to those awful months following Kate's shooting. "My dad waited all summer for some word from you. You told him while you were in the hospital that you'd talk to him, but you never did. He was a wreck. He was so in love with you. He told you that day in the cemetery when you were laying in the grass."

' _Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me. I love you. I love you, Kate.'_

"I told him that I didn't remember," she whispered.

"Yeah, you told him that you didn't remember. Do you remember that?"

"I remember. How can I remember that and nothing else?"

"That's how buried memories work. In psychology, they tell us that all kinds of things can bring back memories. Smells, sounds, things people say."

"You've taken a lot of psychology classes?"

"I like to learn what makes people tick."

"Has it helped with your dad and grandmother?" Kate smiled.

"Nope, not at all."

"So, except for the whole being angry with me after my shooting, do we get along all right otherwise?"

"Yeah, we usually get along great. I love the way that you don't choose sides when I'm in conflict with my dad. You let us work it out between us."

"How are things between your dad and mom?"

"Ah, my mom," Alexis sighed, shaking her head. "Right after the two of you starting seeing each other, my mom showed up. I told her that you and dad were pretty serious. I think she tried to break you up, but it didn't work. She ended up falling in love with you. When my mom comes to town, the two of you are thick as thieves."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It drives my dad crazy. Every time the two of you get together, she tells you some crazy story about him and it makes him nuts because you never tell him what she's told you. It's like a demented game. But it's pretty funny."

"Dr. Burke asked me earlier where I'm the most comfortable right now; here or at my dad's. Alexis, I don't feel comfortable anywhere. And the fact that these people who took me, whoever they are, bugged the loft and your dad's office scares me. I'm beginning to think that it isn't safe for me to stay here."

"Kate, please don't leave. You were missing for 29 days. My dad could barely function. Believe me when I tell you that he'll get to the bottom of who took you. Over the years of working with you, he's developed some crazy detective skills. You grew to trust him implicitly. If you let me, I can help you to get your memory back. We have hundreds of pictures. Also, a lot of video. I'm just begging you to please don't leave here. Don't break my dad's heart again."

***CCC***

"Does anything appear to be disturbed?" Sorensen asked as they did a once over at Castle's office.

"No, everything's where it's supposed to be," Hayley answered. "Well, except for the listening device, of course. That _definitely_ wasn't supposed to be here."

"Whoever had Kate now knows that we are investigating Caleb Brown," Castle stated, walking around the office.

"And Vulcan Simmons," Ryan added.

"Where is Beckett right now?" Espo asked.

"She was seeing Dr. Burke, but she should be home now. Let me check on her," he called her on his cell phone, sighing audibly when she answered. "I'm just checking to make sure that you made it home all right."

"Castle, I'm fine. Is everything okay at your office?"

"Yeah, we're just checking to make sure nothing's been taken. I should be home in a little while."

"Okay. Alexis and I are fine. We'll see you soon."

Ryan was on his phone when Castle ended his call to Kate. "Espo, we've got a body. We have to go."

"Okay. Bro—"

"I'm fine. I'll call you if I need anything."

Ryan and Espo left the building and drove to their crime scene. They were shocked by the scene that they found. "Whoa! Strange place for a barbeque," Espo said as they made their way to a charred vehicle, which was still smoldering despite the fire being put out by the fire department.

"What've we got?" Ryan asked Lanie.

"I'm not sure, yet. He's burned beyond recognition. Hopefully I can run dental records when I get him to the lab," the M.E. answered.

"But you're sure it's a male?" Espo looked at the body in the trunk.

"Judging by the uncharred remnants of clothing, that's my guess. I also found this," she pulled out an expensive looking briefcase that had somehow survived the worst of the conflagration. 'There's initials engraved on it. I'll see what I can get from it, as well. I can tell you this much. C.O.D. wasn't from the fire."

"What killed him, then?" Ryan asked.

"Lead poisoning."

"He was shot?" Ryan was shocked.

"There's a small hole in his forehead, right between his eyes. The fire didn't cause that. Hopefully, the bullet is still inside what is left of his skull. I'll know more when I get him to the lab."

"Beckett would love this," Ryan commented. "A burned body in the trunk of a car."

"Maybe she'd like to come in to work on this," Espo said. "It would keep her mind off of everything else. It would also show her how Castle has changed in regards to their working relationship."

"Let's swing by the loft and ask her."

***CCC***

Alexis was in the kitchen when her father returned home. "Hey, dad. Is everything okay at the office?"

"Yeah, sweetie. Everything's fine. There are no more listening devices. Where's Kate?"

"Upstairs. Dad, she's talking about moving into a hotel." 

"Why?"

"She told me that she doesn't feel comfortable here and she doesn't feel comfortable at her dad's. She's really out of sorts, dad."

"Let me see if I can talk to her."

Kate was curled up on the bed in the guest room, her thoughts still jumbled and torn. She looked over at the bag that she'd placed in the corner of the room. She was just waiting for Castle to get home so that she could talk to him in person; to tell him that she'd decided to stay in a hotel for the time being. In her mind, it was the only fair thing to do.

She sat up when she saw the knob turning on the door, smiling when Castle popped his head in the door. "Hey," she smiled when he walked into the room and sat beside her on the bed.

"Kate, Alexis told me that you're talking about moving into a hotel. Please don't do that. I'll give you as much space as you need. I can do that. And I'll admit that part of my reasons for not wanting you to go are completely selfish. But I'm also going to worry about you being by yourself."

"Castle, I can take care of myself."

"Oh, I'm all too aware of that. But over the last few years, I've gotten used to you taking care of me, too. Because sometimes I need it."

"I'm sure you do. But Castle, I'm still so confused. And staying here makes me feel like I'm visiting. It still doesn't feel like my home. Hopefully with Dr. Burke's help, I can work my way through that."

"Come with me," he stood up and offered her his hand. "I need to show you something."

She let him lead her downstairs to their bedroom and over to the closet. He threw opened the doors and led her inside. He walked over to his dress shirts and pulled one from the rack. "Castle, what're you doing?"

"I never wear this shirt, anymore," he turned toward her. "And I never wash it."

"Okay, this is going to sound like a stupid question, but why?"

"The morning after we first made love, I woke up and you weren't beside me in bed. At first, I thought that I was dreaming. But then you walked in carrying two cups of coffee and wearing nothing but this shirt and a smile. When you were missing," his voice caught in his throat, but he swallowed past it and continued speaking, "when you were missing, I would sleep with this shirt beside me because it still smells like you. I know that you don't feel like you belong here, but I need you, Kate. I need you like I need air to breathe."

"Shh," she walked over and cradled his face in her hands, "Castle, it's okay. Please don't be sad. If you cry, then I'm going to cry. I'll stay on one condition."

"Whatever you want, it's yours," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

"Let me take the guest room."

"Kate—"

"No, Castle. This is your room. I'll stay upstairs. Okay?"

"Will you still go on dates with me?"

"Yeah, I'll still go on dates with you," she smiled.

"Dad?" Alexis called out.

"Yeah, sweetie?" Castle and Kate came out of the bedroom closet.

"Detectives Ryan and Esposito are here. They want to talk to Kate about something."

When Kate walked out of the bedroom with Castle, she smiled at her two team members. "What're you guys doing here?"

"Well, we just got a very Beckett flavored homicide and thought that maybe you'd want to return to being a cop instead of moping around here in the lap of luxury. What do you say?" Espo asked.

"What do you say, Castle? Do you want to go back to work?" She smiled at her partner.

"A Beckett-Flavored homicide, huh? Sit down, gentlemen, and tell us all about it."

 **A/N #2: A burned body in a car is going to end up being much more complicated than anybody could ever have dreamed.**

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	11. A Sinister Threat

**DISCLAIMERS: Nope, not mine and never will be.**

 **SUMMARY: While investigating the murder of the burned body, the team makes a discovery of something that might be far more sinister than any of them realize.**

 **A/N #1: Thanks as always to Angie, Jo, and Kelly.**

 **A/N #2: I'm bringing Analyst Tory Ellis back to the Twelfth. Maya Stojan got a raw deal when she got replaced.**

 **A/N #3: To the guest reviewer who thinks that my story is b/s, I'm sorry you're not enjoying my story. And to Chacha, if my real life wasn't so crazy, I'd post more often. But I also like to stay a few chapters ahead so that I can still post even if my writing slows down.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 11: A Sinister Threat**

Kate and Castle were in the morgue, standing by a stainless steel table. Laying on the table, burned beyond recognition was their murder victim. They watched in morbid fascination as Dr. Lanie Parish weighed, measured and made notes. "Can you tell us anything?" Kate asked.

"The only thing that I can tell you for certain right now is that your victim was dead when his body was set on fire."

"No soot in his lungs?" Kate guessed as Lanie nodded. "Well, that's a relief, I guess."

"For him, anyway. For the rest of us, it just makes for a difficult identification. I'll see what I can get from dental records. I'll call you if I find anything."

"Okay. Thanks, Lanie."

Castle didn't say anything until they walked out of the OCME. "It's not enough that the guy was shot in the head, but then the murderer had to set him on fire."

"Somebody doesn't want us to know who he was," Kate got behind the wheel of her car and waited for Castle to get in before she started the engine. "Let's go and see if the boys or Sorensen has had any luck with the briefcase that was found in the trunk with him."

"I'm glad that the feds have let us keep Sorensen here," Castle said as Kate gave him a funny look. "What?"

"You're glad that the feds have let my _ex_ -boyfriend stick around?"

"Well, when you put it like that—"

"No, I understand what you mean. I'm glad that he's here, too."

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For agreeing to stay at the loft. And I promise that I'll give you as much space as you need."

"Somehow I doubt that, but okay," she smiled.

"Kate, when I said I'll give you space, I'll give you space."

The look on Castle's face said that he was extremely hurt. Kate immediately felt bad for hurting his feelings. That was when she knew that he was no longer the same guy he'd been when he'd first started shadowing her. "I'm sorry, Castle. Let's just get back to the precinct and see what the boys have."

When they stepped off of the elevator at the Twelfth, the first person that they saw was Ryan, who was sitting in front of his computer with a bewildered expression on his face. "Did you find anything with the briefcase?" Kate asked.

"There was nothing inside of the briefcase itself, but we found this sewed into the lining," Ryan removed a flash drive from the USB port on his computer and showed it to Kate and Castle.

"Is there anything on it?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, Egyptian hieroglyphics. It's heavily encrypted and I have no idea what's on it. Too bad Vikram isn't here, anymore," he groused as Kate fixed him with a look. "I'm just saying that we need an expert analyst. This is way above my pay grade."

"What about Tory? Could we get her to come back?" Castle suggested.

"Who's Tory?" Kate asked.

"Tory is the Queen of Computer Analysts. She helped us get you back from Vulcan Simmons and later, she assisted us when Kelly Nieman had you. You need to call her, Beckett," Castle told her.

"Castle, I don't even _remember_ her! How stupid am I going to sound when I call this woman and tell her that I'd like for her to come back, but I don't remember her?"

"I can call her," Espo offered, shooting a glance at Castle. "I can tell her that you're tied up with a case and you asked me to contact her."

"Is she really that good?"

"Yeah, she's really that good. I'll make the call," Espo pulled out his cell.

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized to Castle and Ryan. "This is still hard."

"It's okay," Ryan consoled her. "We just thought you'd want to come back and do what you're good at; solving murders. You know, bringing justice to families."

"Thanks, Ryan."

She turned and walked in the direction of the breakroom. Castle looked at Ryan, who gave him a nod of understanding before he decided to follow Kate. He found her standing in front of the espresso machine that he'd purchased so long ago. "Did I ever learn how to make a decent cup of coffee with this thing?"

"Yeah, but I'm usually the one responsible for making your coffee. When you got promoted, we joked about me sitting outside of your office just to bring your coffee. You told me that you had trained me well."

"I did, huh?" She managed to smile. "I was thinking about something."

"What's that?"

"You told me that I disappeared after going to talk to Bracken in prison. Has anybody seen the video of that visit?"

"We tried, but we were told that the cameras were malfunctioning."

"But, what if they weren't? What if you were told that because someone didn't want you to know what Bracken and I talked about?"

"I agree with that possibility, but Kate, nobody at the prison is going to talk to us. Especially if they're on the payroll of whoever is behind this."

"You said that Hayley is something of a hacker, right?"

"Right," Castle slowly answered, realizing where Kate was going. "Let me guess. You want me to see if Hayley can hack into the prison's video system to see if the cameras really were malfunctioning."

"It wouldn't hurt."

"No, it wouldn't. I'll get her on it right away. It feels good to think like a cop again, huh?" He loved the huge smile on her face.

"It feels really good."

"Beckett?" Espo stuck his head in the breakroom door. "Tory will be here in a couple of hours. What do you want us to do in the meantime?"

"Have you found out anything about the car?"

"It was stolen from a lot in Staten Island three days ago."

"Okay. You and Ryan go talk to the owner of the car. Find out what you can about the car theft. Castle and I will wait here for Tory."

"You've got it."

***CCC***

When Alexis walked into her father's P.I. office, she found Hayley hard at work at her computer. "What're you working on?" Alexis asked after hanging up her coat and purse.

"Your father called me and asked me to try to hack into Winterkill Correctional to see if the cameras were truly malfunctioning the day that Kate visited with the late Senator Bracken."

"Dad thinks that's a lie?"

"Well, someone obviously does. I don't know if this was your father's idea or Kate's."

"If the cameras were working, can you hack into the footage from that day?"

"Alexis, your father doesn't have me on his payroll simply for my good looks. I thought he hired me for my mad hacking skills."

"What if the people who are behind all of this catch on to what you're doing?"

"Alexis, we'll be fine."

"No, we won't be, Hayley. Someone held Kate hostage for a month. They are worried about what she's going to find about whoever they are."

"Aren't you the one who's always telling me that Kate is good at what she does?"

"She is, but—"

"But what? You're worried about what she's dragging your dad into this time."

"They've been in bad situations before, but there's something about this that's different. I can't explain it any better than that. I just feel that this is so much darker and so much bigger than any of us can even imagine."

"You might be right. That's why your dad and Kate want to find out what's going on so that they can bring them down."

"You're not scared?"

"I'm worried. I stopped being scared a very long time ago. My time with MI-6 taught me that being scared could get you killed. Being worried means you're cautious."

"How long will it take you to get into their system?"

"Depending on their firewalls, it could be a few hours or several days. This isn't 'Law and Order,' Alexis," Hayley smiled.

***CCC***

Kate was sitting at her old desk, which was now Esposito's desk when she saw a young woman step off of the elevator. "Castle?"

"Let me talk to her for a few minutes, Kate." Castle got up and walked over to Tory Ellis. "Tory, thank you for agreeing to help us."

"Espo sounded pretty desperate on the phone."

"Can we go somewhere and talk for a minute, first?" Tory nodded, following Castle to Kate's office. "Kate was held—"

"I saw the news. Is she okay?"

"She has some memory lapses. She remembers being a detective and she remembers me to an extent. But she doesn't remember being promoted to captain and she doesn't remember you. So some of her questions to you might seem a little strange."

"Okay," Tory took in the information. "So, let me see this flash drive."

Castle stepped out of the office and led Tory over to Ryan's desk, where he removed the drive from one of the drawers and handed it to the analyst.

"Uh, Vikram might've installed software on his computers that might make reading that drive difficult," Kate pointed out.

"I'll clean up his computers before I do anything. Believe me, I can remove anything he might've installed to slow down the investigation."

"How much do you know about Vikram Singh?" Kate asked.

"Just the little that Espo told me over the phone."

"Did we fire you and hire him?"

"No. I got a job at a security firm. I loved working here, but they offered me more money and a chance to train other analysts. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

"Castle says that you saved my life on a couple of occasions."

"Well, I had a hand in it, but I wasn't solely responsible. Anyway, let me get started on cleaning up Vikram's computers and then I'll get started on looking into this flash drive."

"Thank you, Tory."

After Tory walked away in the direction of the computer room, Kate pulled out her phone and brought up a number in her contacts. "Yes, this is Kate Beckett. I was wondering if I could possibly get in to see Dr. Burke today. Is it an emergency? I'm not . . . I'm not sure. Thank you. Would you please have him call me? Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Castle asked her.

"I don't know, Castle. I thought that being here would help. But I'm just feeling . . . I don't know how to put it into words."

"You're feeling overwhelmed. I get that. How about if I take your mind off of what's going on for a while?"

"And just how are you going to do that?"

"Do you remember when you told me that you never wanted to see me again?"

"Yeah. You came to see me in the hospital after Will got shot. You told me that you'd found something in my mother's murder file. So far, you're not taking my mind off of anything, Castle."

"We were working a case where this guy, a nice family man, got in over his head with Russian mobsters. I went undercover to one of the mob run games in Chinatown. And this time I got in over _my_ head. Until I was rescued by you, only it was you with a Russian accent. I didn't even know that you spoke Russian. Later I told you that we made a pretty good team; like Starsky and Hutch or Turner and Hooch. You told me that I reminded you a little of Hooch."

"I compared you to a big slobbering dog?" She smiled when he nodded. "Well, at least you're potty trained and incredibly loyal."

"Ouch. That was just mean. My point is, we will get to the bottom of this. We've investigated cases that seemed impossible. We almost lost the boys two years ago when they got caught in a burning building. Everybody told us that they were gone, but we never gave up. We're not going to give up on this, either."

"I want to read the other Nikki Heat books. Do Nikki and Rook progress like we did?"

"Yeah. You're going to be okay."

"I'm better than I was five minutes ago."

"Good. We're going to get justice for the crispy critter in the morgue."

"I just don't understand the purpose of shooting someone in the head and then burning the body. I mean, the guy was already dead. Why kill him twice?"

"Because whoever did it was obviously trying to cover up one crime with another. There's something on the body they don't want the police to find."

"Or they don't want us to know who our victim is."

"Well, that was a bust," Ryan announced as he and Espo stepped off of the elevator. "The owner of the car said that he'd gone out to dinner with his wife and when they went to get their car from the parking garage just after nine o'clock that night, their car was gone. He filed a police report and that was the end of that."

"Tory is going to clean up Vikram's computers and then she's going to start working on the flash drive."

"Has Sorensen come in, yet?" Espo asked.

"He had a meeting with his bosses. He said he'll be out all day," Kate said.

Castle's cell rang. "Hey, Hayley," he answered the call. "Do you have anything?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I got into Winterkill's security system. It might take a while before I have what you're looking for. I'll keep you posted."

"Thanks, Hayley," he ended the call. "Hayley has gotten into the prison's security system and she'll keep us posted." 

"Wait!" Espo looked at his colleagues. "Why is she hacking into the prison's security system?"

"We want to find out if there's a video of Kate's visit with Bracken. If there is, we need to find out what the two of them talked about."

"Castle—"

"Espo, it's okay. It was my idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it before."

"Guys," Tory returned to the bullpen. "I don't know what in the hell Vikram Singh was into, but his computers are a maze of firewalls and encrypted files. It could take me days to sort it all out."

"But you can sort it out, can't you? I mean, these guys said that you're the best."

"I can sort it out. I'm just saying it is going to take some time."

"Then why are you standing here talking to us?"

"I'll keep on it," Tory quickly turned and left the room.

"I'm going to go to see my therapist, even if it means I have to camp out in his waiting room," Kate quickly made a beeline for the elevator.

"Bro, give her some space. Maybe she needs to be alone for a while," Espo suggested, when he saw Castle starting to follow her.

***CCC***

Dr. Burke's receptionist looked up when Kate walked through the door a short time later. "Dr. Burke doesn't have any openings this afternoon, Det. Beckett. I told you that when you called."

"You don't understand. I really need to see him! I don't understand what's going on! I feel like I'm losing my mind!"

"Hold on," the young woman picked up the phone and punched a number. "Dr. Burke, Det. Beckett is out here and she's very upset. Maybe you should talk to her." She hung up and looked at Kate. "He'll be right out."

Kate began to walk around the room, looking at the ceiling and trying to control her breathing. She wasn't aware that she was employing the techniques that the therapist had taught her so long ago. A moment later, Dr. Burke stepped out of his office. "Kate, what's going on?"

"I don't know. All I know is I feel like I'm out of control and I can't function. And . . . and . . . " she began hyperventilating as the doctor rushed over to her.

"Kate, it's okay. Try to breathe. Come on," the doctor spoke to her in a calm voice, slowly taking control of the situation. "Deep breath in and slowly let it out." Kate slowly began to follow his instructions and gradually began to relax. "You're doing great. Where is Rick?"

"I left him at the precinct. Do I have to bring him everywhere with me?"

"Kate, let's go into my office. Danielle, can you move my one o'clock to first thing in the morning?"

"Yes, Doctor."

Kate followed Dr. Burke into his office, waiting for him to close the door behind him. "Have a seat. Tell me what's going on, Kate? What is making you feel out of control?"

"The boys called me in to help them with a homicide. They thought that it would be good for me to focus on a murder. After all, it's something that I'm good at. But it's like staying at the loft. I don't feel like I fit."

"Why is that?"

"I don't have a desk, anymore. Esposito now has my desk."

"But don't you have an office now? You were promoted, weren't you?"

"That's what everybody keeps telling me."

"But you're having a hard time believing it."

"Yes. I never wanted to be in command. I liked leading my team, but I never liked the political side of being a captain. I saw what Montgomery had to deal with and I never wanted it for myself."

"Tell me about your new homicide."

"It's a body that was found burned in the trunk of a stolen car. We don't know who he is, yet. We brought in an analyst that used to work at the Twelfth to help us with some evidence that was found. What happened to me a while ago? Why did I feel so out of control?"

"You suffer from PTSD, Kate. Feeling out of control is a classic symptom."

"How can I suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress? I'm not a war veteran."

"You were shot at a funeral, Kate. You nearly died. That would be traumatic for anybody. Have you gone inside of your office since you've returned?"

"No. Well, yes. Sorensen was in there and I went in to talk to him."

"It's yours, Kate. All of your things are in there. When you go back to the precinct, go into your office and let yourself accept that it's yours. It's the one thing in that precinct that belongs to you. The one place where you can have some kind of control."

"How . . . how often do I have these attacks? Do I take anything for them?"

"The attacks are unpredictable. The fact that you're having them now isn't unexpected. You were taking anti-anxiety medication while you were recovering from your shooting, but you haven't taken anything in a long time."

"How do I cope with them if I don't take something for them?"

"I've taught you techniques. Rick can help you with them."

"So, you're telling me that going into my office can help me?"

"You feel out of control, Kate. You feel like nothing in your life right now belongs to you. All I'm saying is that your office is yours. It has your things in it."

"Things that I don't remember."

"Take Rick in there with you. Let him familiarize you with the things that you don't recognize. Kate, you do realize that he's struggling too, don't you?"

"You've treated him?"

"I've seen him as a patient," Dr. Burke confirmed.

"While I was missing?"

"Yes. The point that I'm trying to make is, let him in."

Castle was sitting in his usual chair when Kate arrived back at the precinct almost an hour later. "Come on, Castle. Go into my office with me."

"Are you okay?" He instantly leaped to his feet.

"Are you?" She asked, stopping outside of her office door.

"What do you mean?" He waited for her to decide whether she was going to enter her office or not.

"I've never stopped to ask myself how all of this is affecting you. And for that, I'm very sorry."

"It's okay. We're going to figure it out. What's your next step?"

"Burke thinks I need to check out my office."

"That sounds like a good idea to me."

"Castle, I don't even know which key unlocks the door."

"That one," he touched the correct key, smiling when she put the key in the lock and opened the door, turning the lights on.

She walked over to the desk which had a name plate with her name engraved on it in huge letters. She then walked over to a nearby bookshelf where she smiled at her mom's elephants lined up in a row. But the next item took her by surprise. She picked up a small plexiglass cube and looked at Castle and then at the object encased in the middle of the cube. "You told me about your little stick man right after we started dating. When you cleaned out your desk after your promotion, I took him from one of your boxes and had him put in the cube to save him."

"That's really sweet," she replaced the cube on the shelf before moving to the few photos that were on the shelf. One of them was of her, Jenny Ryan, a newborn Sarah Grace and the boys. "What happened to Ryan and Espo? They look like they were in a fire fight."

"You're not far off of the mark. They got trapped in a burning building. Jenny went into labor at the scene and gave birth in an ambulance right before they were rescued. That was the story I was telling you about earlier."

"Were they injured?"

"Smoke inhalation and Ryan had severely bruised legs, but other than that, they were okay."

"The baby's cute. Do we talk about having one?"

"We bat the idea around from time to time."

"Maybe when I get my memory back, we can bat the idea around again."

"I'd like that."

Further conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in!" Kate called out.

"I'm still cleaning up Vikram's computers. I just thought that I'd let you know," Tory said.

"Thanks, Tory. Do you have any idea how much longer it'll be before you get to the flash drive?"

"Later tonight, maybe tomorrow."

"Okay." Kate left her office, walking over to Ryan's desk. "Ryan, do we have anything more on that briefcase?"

"Only that it belongs to somebody with the initials of 'MW.' There's no serial number to find a registered owner. Too bad the briefcase wasn't designed by Burglin-Eckloff."

"Who?" Kate looked at Castle in confusion.

"Another case. I'll tell you about it later."

Kate's cell phone rang. She looked at it, seeing that it was Lanie. "Lanie, what do you have?"

"Kate, I just got the dental records back on your murder victim. Kate, it's Vikram Singh. He's your victim."

Kate just stared at Ryan and Castle as her phone slid out of her hand and clattered to the floor.

 **A/N #4: Starting with the next chapter, some of Kate's memory will return as the who becomes apparent.**

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	12. The Pieces Start Falling into Place

**DISCLAIMERS: Nope, the show isn't mine.**

 **SUMMARY: The team begins investigating the murder of Vikram Singh while Kate learns that Castle hasn't been entirely truthful about her missing time.**

 **A/N #1: After re-reading previous chapters, I found things that I'd forgotten. These things will be addressed in this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: As always, I want to thank Kelly, Jo and Angie, as well as my muses.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 12: The Pieces Begin Falling into Place**

"Kate?" Castle called out her name, seeing the look of shock on her face. When she didn't respond, he reached down and retrieved her phone from the floor. "Lanie, it's Castle."

"Castle, what's going on? Is Kate all right?"

"Yeah. She's fine. She appears to be in a state of shock right now. What do you have?" He put the phone on speaker and placed it on the desk, relieved when Kate finally sat down in a chair.

"I got the dental records back. Your victim is Vikram Singh."

"Shit," Espo hissed out.

"Thanks, Lanie," Kate finally spoke as she ended the call. "We need to notify Vikram's next of kin. You two work on that. Castle and I are going to contact Caleb Brown. Come on, Castle."

"Are you going to call Will?" Castle asked, following behind his wife.

"I'll call him after we talk to Caleb Brown."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Kate, I saw your reaction. It's okay if you're scared."

"I'm not scared," she fixed him with a glare. "I'm pissed. The only person who possibly could've told us what we were mixed up in is now dead."

Castle wondered if now would be the time to tell her what Hayley had found about the mysterious LokSat. Then he decided to just wait until later. Either way, he knew that she wasn't going to be happy. He knew how she felt about being lied to. He had to make her understand that he was only lying to keep her safe. He knew that it wasn't much of an excuse, but it was all that he had for now.

They got into Kate's car and she drove to Caleb Brown's law office, where the flash of her badge at the receptionist instantly got her admitted to the attorney's office. "Capt. Beckett," Caleb Brown stood up from behind his desk. "This is an unexpected surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Cut the crap, Brown. Your client is dead," Kate cut right to the chase, reminding Castle of the Beckett of old.

"Vikram's dead? How? When?"

"We don't know the when. The 'how' is he was shot and then burned to death in the trunk of a stolen car. When did you last see him?"

"Three days ago when I took him out of your precinct. We had a strategy session and then he went home."

"And where is home, exactly?"

"357 E. 21st Street, apartment 3C."

"Who hired you? Because it wasn't Vikram Singh. He was just as surprised as we were when you showed up."

"Who hired me is confidential information. Is there anything else, Captain?"

"Don't leave town, counselor."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Captain," he smirked.

"Pompous asshole," Kate muttered as she and Castle walked to the elevator.

"Was it just me or did he not seem too surprised that Vikram had been murdered?" Castle followed her into the elevator and she pushed the button for the lobby.

"That's because he probably knows who the killer is. Let's go to Vikram's apartment and take a look around."

They walked out into air that was considerably colder than it had been when they arrived to question Caleb just a short time earlier. The sky was gray and full of storm clouds. "It's going to snow before the day is over," Castle observed.

"Come on, Castle," Kate got into the car and started the engine.

***CCC***

Vikram's parents were deceased, so Espo and Ryan went to talk to the person that he'd named as an emergency contact on his personnel file. Mason Wood was in his late 60's or early 70's, balding, with a mustache. He was shocked to find two strangers standing at his front door. "May I help you?"

"Mason Wood?" Espo asked as the older man nodded. "I'm Det. Esposito. This is my partner, Det. Ryan. Do you know a man named Vikram Singh?"

"Vikram? Yes. I was his mentor when he graduated from college and went to work at the Attorney General's Office in Washington, DC. Why are you asking about Vikram?"

"Mr. Wood, may we come inside?" Ryan asked as the man stepped aside to let them into his neat home. They followed him into the living room where he motioned for them to take seats.

"Vikram's family died when he was a teenager," Wood walked over to a drink cart, pouring himself a glass of Bourbon. "I'd ask you fellas if you'd like one, but obviously you're on the job. Anyway, like I was saying, Vikram's parents passed when he was in his teens. There was a woman who helped send him to college. I've got her information somewhere. He listed me as an emergency contact?"

"Yes, sir," Espo replied.

"I always warned him that he needed to stop driving like he was a NASCAR driver. I also told him that I thought the Toyota Camry was a deathtrap."

Ryan and Esposito exchanged looks. They had yet to say that Vikram had been found in the trunk of a burned Camry. How did Wood know this? "When was the last time that you saw Mr. Singh?" Ryan asked.

"I hadn't seen him in five or six months. I spoke to him on the phone about three months ago, shortly after he was hired by the police department. He told me that he liked his new job very much and that he had made a lot of new friends."

"Did he say anything about his previous job?" Espo asked.

"In DC?" Wood asked as the two detectives nodded. "No. I was surprised that he left. When I trained him, I thought he was one of the brightest young analysts I'd ever trained. I saw nothing but great things in his future."

"You mentioned a woman who helped put him through college," Ryan said. "Do you know her name, by any chance?"

"No, although Vikram talked about her from time to time. I know I have her information around here somewhere. When I find it, I'll call and give it to you."

"That would be great. Thank you for your time, Mr. Wood. If we have any more questions, we'll be in touch. And don't hesitate to call if you have any questions for us regarding the investigation."

"Thank you. I'll see you boys out," Wood walked them to the door, shaking their hands and smiling politely while he watched them walk to their car. He then took out a cell phone and made a phone call. "We need to start taking steps to eliminate the threats."

"I'm already working on it."

"Well, work faster."

Ryan and Esposito didn't say anything until getting in the car. "How did he know that we found Singh in a Camry?" Ryan mused out loud.

"Because he's one of the ones behind it. Let's go and let Beckett know."

***CCC***

Kate's cell rang while they were on their way back to Vikram's apartment. She hit the Bluetooth button on her visor. "Beckett!"

"Kate, it's Will."

"Hey, Will. What's going on?"

"I'm on my way back to the Twelfth. I should be there later this afternoon. I'm bringing another guy with me to help with the computers. I'm sorry that it's taken so long, but I finally convinced my bosses that you guys need the manpower. Has Ms. Ellis found anything?"

"Not yet. She's still cleaning up Vikram's computers. By the way, he's our victim."

"I know. Your M.E. already called me."

"We'll see you in a few hours," Kate hit the button and ended the call. "I just hope that two analysts prove to be better than one."

"I think two of anything is going to be better than one at this point."

"Are you okay?" She glanced at him.

"I need to talk to you about something when we get back to the precinct."

"Okay. Can I ask you one thing about this 'something' you need to talk to me about? Am I going to be pissed?"

"Yeah, I have a feeling that you're going to be really pissed."

"Well, that's something that I'm used to from you," she looked at him and smiled. "It's okay, Castle. I'm not going to banish you again. I promise."

When they arrived at Vikram's apartment, Kate located the building's Super and had him let them into the apartment. "Holy shit!" Were the Super's first words upon entering the front room.

"Sir, I need for you to wait in the hall," Kate pulled out her cell phone and called the precinct. "This is Det . . . Capt. Kate Beckett. I need ESU at 357 E. 21st Street, Apartment 3C."

The apartment looked like a tornado had gone through it. Furniture was ripped apart, tables were knocked over and drawers were emptied of their contents. "Somebody was looking for something," Castle commented.

"Ya think?" Kate began carefully walking through the apartment. Castle remained in the living room watching her as she worked. "Hey, Castle! Can you come back here?" She called from the other room.

"Did you find something?" He followed the path that Kate had taken through the trashed living room, finding her in the bedroom, staring at a huge pool of blood. "We found the original crime scene."

"It sure looks that way."

All four members of the team arrived at the precinct at the same time. They didn't speak until they got off the elevator on the fourth floor. "What did you learn about Vikram's emergency contact?" Kate walked over to the white board to update the information about the murder, adding Vikram's name along with a picture from better days.

"Mason Wood was Vikram's mentor back in his early days at the AG's office. He said that he hadn't seen him in quite some time, but he spoke to him a few weeks ago. He said that Vikram told him how much more he was enjoying working with us as compared to the AG," Ryan filled Kate and Castle in on their interview. "What about you guys? Did you learn anything from Caleb Brown?"

"Nope, but we found out where Vikram was murdered. ESU is on the scene at Vikram's apartment. Someone trashed the place looking for something, but he was shot in his bedroom. We found blood and shell casings. Will called and said that he'll be back here in a few hours and he's bringing another body with him. He convinced his bosses that we need the help."

"He's right, we do," Espo said. "So Brown didn't know anything?"

"He said the last time he spoke to Vikram was the day he picked him up here."

"Do you think he was being truthful?" Ryan asked.

"I don't have a choice but to believe him until I've got something else to work with. You said that the mentor's name was Mason Wood? Was he the owner of the briefcase—"

"Yeah, he said he gave it to Vikram years ago. He did ask if we found anything in the briefcase, which I thought was kind of strange."

"Maybe whoever killed him was looking for that flash drive," Ryan offered.

"Maybe. But why would they throw the briefcase in the trunk with him?" Beckett mused. "It's more likely that whoever killed Vikram was hoping that the briefcase would burn to ashes in the fire."

"Do you think that it could've been Caleb Brown?" Espo asked.

"We'll add him to our list, but I doubt it was him. However, I think he knows who the killer is. We need to put surveillance on him. Maybe he'll lead us to Vikram's killer."

"There's another thing, Beckett," Ryan added. "Wood knew that Vikram was found in a Camry. He mentioned something about the Camry being a deathtrap."

"Did Vikram normally drive a Camry?" Kate asked.

"No," Ryan said. "I checked DMV records. Vikram's car was a 2015 Ford Focus, which is missing from the parking garage when he usually keeps it parked."

"Okay, let's get a BOLO out on his car. And let's have Tory do a background check on Mason Wood."

"Did Sorensen say what time he'd be back?" Espo asked, changing the subject.

"Just sometime later this afternoon. Let's order some lunch and we'll see where we need to go next."

They were in the breakroom eating pizza when Sorensen walked into the room with an African-American man in his late 30's. Judging by the way the boys and Castle reacted, they knew Will's companion. "Agent Avery," Castle leaped to his feet, walking over and shaking the agent's hand. "How's Agent Shaw?"

"Jordan's in Texas right now, working on a case there. I understand that you need help decrypting computers."

"Yes, we do," Kate stood up, approaching the two men. "We've met before?"

"Yes," Avery answered, looking to Sorensen for guidance. "It was about six years ago. I'm sorry that you don't remember. I'm Agent Jeff Avery."

"Yeah, that's been a bit of an issue. If you guys are hungry, there's plenty of pizza."

"We already ate," Will said. "I'm going to show Avery to the computer lab and introduce him to your analyst. Then we can go over what you've found out in my absence."

After Will introduced Avery to Tory, he returned to the breakroom where the guys and Kate told him about their interviews with Caleb Brown and Mason Wood. "Has anybody run a background check on either Brown or Wood?" Will asked, reaching for a slice of piece of pizza as the boys and Castle gave him a funny look. "When I said that we'd eaten, it was airplane food."

"Hayley ran a check on Caleb Brown. I'll have her forward a copy of the file over," Castle said.

"Why is your assistant doing our work?" Kate asked.

"Because I asked her to," Castle answered, looking at Kate like she was a complete moron. "I asked her and Alexis to take up some of the slack while we were looking for you."

"Castle, Hayley and Alexis aren't cops."

"I know that. But they can get into places where the cops can't."

"Castle, what else do you have them looking into? Besides the prison computer system?" Will asked. "And I okayed that. I haven't okayed anything else."

Castle took a deep breath, staring down at his hands before looking at the group gathered around the table. These people were his family and this information was liable to piss off all them, especially Beckett. "Kate, I need for you to please listen and not interrupt until I'm finished. That goes for all of you, actually." Castle looked around the table before he began speaking again. "Kate, while you were missing, Will and I went to DC to see what we could learn about Vikram's job at the AG. We wanted to see what he might've been working on before he made that phone call to you back in September. The one that sent you on the run for two days. They wouldn't let us see anything without a subpoena. Will told me that we wouldn't get one, not without probable cause. So, I asked Hayley if she could hack into the AG's computer to see if she could find anything."

"Castle, you did what?"

"Kate, please let me finish. Vikram told Will that while he was working there, someone had done a keyword search for Senator William Bracken—"

"The man who killed my mother?"

"Yes. He told Will that the file had been heavily redacted. But whatever was on that file scared somebody. Because the next day, your former team were killed in a car accident."

"My former team? I don't understand."

"Kate, you left the Twelfth and accepted a job on a task force for the Attorney General's Office two years ago. It was right after I proposed to you. You were only there a short time before you got fired, which is a story for another time," he held out his hand to stop her before she could ask more questions. "I asked Hayley to try and find that file."

"I take it that she found it?" This time it was Will's turn to ask a question.

"Yes. There's mention of someone or something called LokSat. Hayley ran a search for the name, but nothing comes up. We don't know who or what it is. But we think that whoever or whatever it is, they were pulling Bracken's strings. And now they're trying to tie up all loose ends."

"But Bracken was behind Coonan, Lockwood and Maddox, wasn't he?" Espo asked.

"Yeah. We're sure he was the one who hired them, but I don't think they were his idea. It all goes back to Future Forward or maybe beyond that. I really don't know. For all I know, we could all be in danger."

"You told me that you didn't know why I was on the run," the fury was clearly visible on Kate's face.

"Kate, when you first came back, you were fragile. I wasn't sure how much information you'd be able to handle."

"You told me that you would never lie to me. I might've been 'fragile,' as you put it, but I also deserved to know why I was on the run with a man who might or might not have been a killer!" She got up and bolted from the room.

"You should've told all of us that you had Hayley and Alexis working on this, bro," Espo's tone was clearly accusatory.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"You'd better go and see where Beckett's run off to," Ryan suggested.

Castle searched the entire bullpen before getting on the elevator and going outside, where he found Kate huddled against the wall, shivering in the cold. "You forgot your coat," he slipped his jacket off and put it around her shoulders. "Kate, I'm sorry."

"Castle, I just need a chance to process all of this. You said that I was fired from the Attorney General's Office? I've never been fired in my life. What did I do?"

"You cared for the victim, just like you always do. Unfortunately, you got caught up in the politics of the job and you've never been that person."

"Castle, whoever LokSat is, he's clearly dangerous. If he's the person who killed my former AG team and now Vikram, all of us need to watch our backs. For the time being, we'll try and solve Vikram's murder."

"And LokSat?"

"We might have to put that on the back burner, at least for right now."

"So, you're quitting?"

"No, Castle. I'm keeping all of us alive."

"Take a walk with me," he held his hand out to her. "Please?"

"Castle, it's cold out here. I'm not going to change my mind."

"Please? We're not going far."

Sighing, she placed her hand in Castle's as he led her down the street and around the corner. He crossed the street in front of a book store, leading her to the playground where she'd found herself the day before in the sleety rain. "These are our swings," he sat down in one and motioned to the other. "I hadn't seen you in months after your shooting," he scuffed the ground with his toe, setting the swing in motion. "One day I was at that book store over there, signing books and you walked in, asking me to sign your copy of 'Frozen Heat.' We had a fight outside of the store and you walked over here. I followed you, of course."

"Of course."

"You told me about the walls that you'd erected after your mother's murder. You told me about how you couldn't let anyone in until it was solved. That was the first time that we came to these swings. But a year and a half later, this was where I asked you to marry me. And then last year, this is where you told me that you'd been asked about running for state senator. We've made a lot of big decisions at these swings."

"I was asked to run for public office?"

"Yeah, but you'd also scored really high on your captain's exam, so that was the path that you decided to take. I told you that I was behind you in whatever you decided. I understand why you're scared about this LokSat business. But I also know that you've never backed down from a fight."

"I wouldn't back down if it was just about me, but this could affect all of us, Castle. I know that you would never, ever put your daughter in danger. I'm not saying that we should drop it for good, but let's wait until we have more to go on. Right now, he's just a name. We don't know if it's a person or an organization. I'm just saying let's wait until we know what we're up against."

"Kate, we've always been better together than we are apart. We've faced a lot of adversity over the past several years and we've taken care of every single threat that we've come up against. This possible new threat isn't going to go away until we eliminate it."

"Something has been bothering me and it might be too late to do anything about it."

"What're you talking about?"

"When I woke up in that room, I was told by an unseen voice that I'd suffered a head injury. Flynn also told me that the next day. But Castle, they don't want me to remember. I know that in my gut."

"They didn't find anything in your bloodstream when you were admitted to the hospital," Castle reminded her.

"It's likely that I was tested for the usual stuff, not for anything new or exotic."

"Could we ask Lanie?"

"I can ask her, Castle, but it's been over a week. There's probably nothing left in my system."

"Come on," he got up and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go and talk to Lanie."

They found Lanie in her office between autopsies. "Hey, girl," she got to her feet and hugged her best friend. "What brings you and Writer Boy down here?"

"Lanie, if I was drugged, is there any way to reverse the memory loss?"

"Um, have a seat," Lanie stepped aside as they took the two remaining chairs in her office. "How often are you seeing your therapist?"

"I've seen him twice since I've come back."

"Psychotherapy can help."

"What else, Lanie? I can't talk about things that I don't remember. I want to remember!"

"I know, sweetie. There is one thing that we can try."

"What's that? Lanie, I'll try anything. I'm even willing to try witchcraftery voodoo at this point."

"Well, you won't have to go that far. You can take Vitamins B1 and B12. You can get shots or pills."

"Which would work faster?" Kate's breath sped up in excitement.

"Well, the injections will absorb into your bloodstream faster, but the pills would be less painful. Either way, Kate, it's still not going to be an overnight fix. Your memory will still require time to return."

"But will it be faster?"

"Kate, I honestly don't know."

"I hate needles, so I guess we go to the drugstore on the way home tonight," Kate looked at Castle, who nodded eagerly.

***CCC***

"Esposito!" Tory came running into the bullpen as Sorensen came out of Kate's office. "Where is Beckett?"

"She stepped out. Why?"

"Agent Avery and I cleaned up the flash drive. Call her and get her back here! She needs to see this! So does Castle!"

Kate and Castle came running into the squad room 20 minutes later. "What did you find?" Kate asked.

"Check it out," Tory entered the flash drive into the USB port on the TV so that they could all watch it.

At first they didn't see anything but an empty room and a somewhat shaky picture. But soon, a figure was seen walking away from the video camera. After a moment the man turned and sat down in a chair facing the camera. Castle's heart began racing and his palms began sweating when he saw the man on the screen. Kate noticed his reaction immediately. "Castle? Are you okay?"

He was about to say something when the man on the video began to speak. "If the NYPD is watching this video, then some of you already know who I am. Or you know the name that I was going by. Castle, I told you a year ago to let this go. You begged me to erase your memory so that you'd have no recollection of me."

"He's the man from the house," Kate said. "He's the one who talked to me the first day and he's the person who dropped me off that night. Castle, you know him?"

He just looked at her so she quit talking to listen to the video. "You just had to keep snooping and then Beckett had to start snooping. Capt. Beckett, you thought that when you arrested William Bracken, that it was all over. And it would've been if you hadn't decided to pay him a visit at Winterkill. Vikram Singh was a warning. You have no idea what you've uncovered. Let it go. That way everybody stays alive."

With that, the video went dark. "Castle?" Kate looked at him.

"He told me that his name was Henry Jenkins. When I was taken on our original wedding day, I met up with him. Wherever they were holding me, he said that I begged him to erase my memory, much as what they've done to you. But all I lost was the time that I went missing. I still don't remember most of those two months. I know that for some reason I was in Thailand. Other than that, it's a blank."

"Castle, what did you uncover?" 

"Kate, I don't know."

"There's another thing," Agent Avery spoke up. "I ran the video of the woman who left your loft through the FBI's facial recognition software. She definitely isn't Capt. Beckett." He placed a blow-up of the woman exiting the loft on the whiteboard. "She appears to be Beckett's height and fits her general description, but she's a good 15 years older."

"Beckett, do you recognize her?" Esposito asked.

"No, but one morning when I woke up, I could've swore that I smelled perfume. I think she might've also been in the house."

"Upstairs with Jenkins?" Ryan asked as Kate nodded.

"Castle, you said that Jenkins wasn't his real name?" Sorensen asked.

"No. Kate and Esposito went to Maine and they talked to a man named Henry Jenkins, who led them to a spot where I'd supposedly been camping. When Kate and I went up there a few days later, a different man named Henry Jenkins was living in the trailer they had visited previously. We think this guy stole the real Jenkins' identity. We were never able to learn his real name. The last time I had any contact with him was in Montreal over a year ago."

"Avery, let's get to work on trying to learn who this guy really is."

"On it."

"Why don't you two go home and get some rest? It's been a long day and you look like you could use it."

"Will—"

"Kate, it's okay. We'll call you if we find anything."

"Come on," Castle urged her. "Let's go to the drugstore and get your vitamins."

"Vitamins? Kate, are you all right?" Ryan wanted to know.

"Kevin, I'm fine. It's just something that Lanie suggested. We'll see you tomorrow."

They walked into the loft half an hour later. Kate walked over to the counter and removed the bottle of B Vitamins that she'd bought at the drugstore. Castle went to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water for Kate and a beer for himself before coming over and sitting on one of the bar stools. "Are you okay?" She asked, swallowing one of the huge vitamins with several swigs of water.

"I didn't think my missing time would be connected to this. We tried to find out who was behind it, Kate. We worked on it for almost a year, but we couldn't find anything."

"Why were you in Maine?"

"I wasn't," he took a swallow of his beer. "The Coast Guard found me in a dinghy in the Atlantic Ocean between Maine and Rhode Island. Henry Jenkins made it look like I'd been in Maine after I disappeared. He planted my clothes and my watch, but I was never there. I still don't know where I was."

"None of this makes sense, Castle. You disappeared first, but you wouldn't have been investigating something without me. Did I tell you that I performed the keyword search for Bracken?"

"No. If you were even the one who made it."

"It had to have been me. Working at the AG would've given me more resources."

"But why would we learn about this two years after the fact? That's the part that I don't understand."

"I don't know. Was Bracken in a segregated unit?"

"Not initially. After I questioned him, he attacked a guard, so they moved him into solitary. That's where he was shanked," Castle told her.

"He was scared of someone."

"Yeah, but who?"

"We're not letting this go, are we?" Kate looked at him.

"Well, this is what we're good at."

"Castle, this could get us killed."

"I need to show you something," he stood up and offered her his hand. Once she took it, he led her into his office and removed a DVD from his desk drawer, sliding it into his computer. "Sit down and watch," he sat in his chair and made room for her.

She sucked in her breath when she saw Castle standing on the pergola at what had to be the Hamptons house. "Is this what I think it is?" She whispered.

"If you're asking if this is the happiest day of my life, then the answer would be yes," he pressed his lips to her cheek.

She watched herself walk down the aisle on her father's arm, carrying a simple bouquet which she handed to Alexis when she stepped up onto the pergola across from Castle. She then took Castle's hand in hers, slid a wide platinum band on his left ring finger and took a deep breath. " _The moment that I met you, my life became extraordinary. You taught me to be my best self. To look forward to tomorrow's adventures. And when I was vulnerable, you were strong. I love you, Richard Castle. And I want to live my life in the warmth of your smile and the strength of your embrace. I promise you, I will love you. I will be your friend. And your partner, in crime and in life. Always."_

Castle then slid her ring on her finger before reciting his vows. _"The moment we met, my life became extraordinary. You taught me more about myself than there was to learn. You are the joy in my heart. You're the last person I want to see every night when I close my eyes. I love you, Katherine Beckett. And the mystery of you is the one I want to spend the rest of my life exploring. I promise to love you, to be your friend and your partner in crime and life, 'til death do us part and for the time of our lives."_

Castle turned off the DVD when he saw Kate wiping at her face. "I know that you don't remember, but I meant every single word of what I said that day. I love you."

"I know," she turned to look at him. "And I love you, too."

"Kate? Do you remember?"

"No," she gave him a wistful smile. "I wish that I did. This past several days that I've spent with you, I've seen a different man from that one from so long ago. And then all of our friends have been telling me how crazy we are about each other. And I've discovered that you don't annoy me the way that you used to. And today at the swings . . . well, not just today . . . but I'm feeling things that I haven't felt for anyone in such a long time. And you're right."

"About what?"

"If we don't destroy the threat, it's just going to keep coming at us. We have to take down LokSat."

"How do we do that?"

"We need to try to turn Caleb Brown. I think he's going to be the key."

"Because of Vulcan Simmons?"

"Yeah. We also need to find out what Bracken and I talked about at the prison."

 **A/N #3: There is going to be a slight time jump in the next chapter and a larger time jump in Chapter 14.**

 **A/N #4: And forgive me for pulling a Winters/Hawley, but this chapter is the last where there will be any reference to Henry Jenkins. I just couldn't find a place to make him fit into the story. So, much like the Season 8 showrunners, I dropped the ball. I apologize.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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 **Facebook: Wylie dot Cindy at Yahoo dot com**


	13. Reconnecting at Last

**DISCLAIMERS: Nope, not mine.**

 **SUMMARY: Castle and Beckett finally reconnect.**

 **A/N #1: Note the change in ratings. If M-rated stuff isn't your cup of tea, you can skip this chapter and wait for Chapter 14. This is just a bit of fluff and smut before everything gets serious once again. There is a short time jump in this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: Thanks to Kelly, Jo, Angie and my team of muses.**

 **A/N #3: People repeatedly are telling me that I shouldn't respond to trolls. For the most part I'm trying hard to follow this advice, but sometimes I get reviews that I just have to respond to. This is to the troll, who is posting under the guise of being a guest reviewer. Because, let's face it, you're no longer a reviewer; you are a troll. If this story is getting 'old,' as you put it, WHY ARE YOU STILL READING IT?**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 13: Reconnecting at Last**

 _Three weeks later_

"How are things going with you and Writer-Boy?" Lanie was sitting across from Kate in a small restaurant, where they'd agreed to meet.

"Well, it's going," Kate turned her focus to the salad in front of her.

"And what does that mean?"

"I'm remembering more things about our lives together," Kate looked up, taking a breath before she continued speaking. "But I don't remember our first time. Lanie, I love him. I've never felt this way about anyone. I want to make love to him and with him . . . "

"But you want to remember your first time together?" Lanie guessed. "Sweetie, that's perfectly understandable. What does Castle say?"

"He says he's going to follow my lead. Did I tell you about it?"

"Every excruciating detail, but not until a few months after the fact. None of us knew about you and Castle for a couple of months after it started. You were worried about Capt. Gates finding out."

"I would've been brought up on an ethics violation even though Castle wasn't a cop."

"That was your biggest worry. Kate, you're going to remember. That was one of the biggest nights of your life. There's no way you're not going to remember it."

"I need to get back," Kate glanced at her watch. "Will has a meeting scheduled for all of us in about an hour."

"Do you know what it's about?"

"No. It's probably a strategy session. I'll call you later."

When Kate arrived at the precinct, the boys and Castle were already in one of the conference room, waiting for Will. "Sorensen's on the phone in your office. He said he'll be in here as soon as he can," Ryan said as Kate sat down beside Castle.

"How was your lunch with Lanie?" He asked, reaching under the table for her hand.

"Good," she allowed him to take her hand, instantly feeling his fingers curl around hers.

Over the past few weeks, memories had started resurfacing. Kate now remembered most events from the past seven years except for the night she'd first made love with Castle. Dr. Burke thought she was blocking it out for a specific reason. He had suggested that she was afraid to allow herself to love Castle again for fear of hurting him somehow.

Will entered the office with Agent Avery. "This doesn't look good," Castle whispered to Kate.

"I've been on a conference call with my bosses in DC and 1PP for the past hour. The bottom line is that both Agent Avery and I have been pulled from the case and ordered back to DC immediately."

"Is it because there have been no new leads in the case?" Kate asked.

"That is the primary reason," he confirmed. "However, 1PP has promised to send you someone to assist with the investigation. They will be here first thing tomorrow morning. In the meantime, it has been suggested that you continue to work on your current cases since the murder of Mr. Singh isn't the only active case in this precinct right now."

"If we get new leads, will you come back?" Espo asked.

"No. I'm being sent to Alaska to work a serial murder case with the Anchorage PD."

"I hope you pack a parka," Castle quipped.

After the meeting broke up, Kate followed Will to her office, watching as he put everything back into his briefcase. "Do you know who 1PP is sending over as your replacement? Is it somebody that we can trust?"

"They're sending over your former captain, now Deputy Chief Victoria Gates. She's already been brought up to speed on the latest developments."

"What developments? We've got nothing, Will."

"You've got nothing, _yet_. Something will pop. Kate, you know that some things take time."

"Like solving my mother's murder?"

"Exactly."

"No offense, Will, but I don't want to spend the next seven years looking over my shoulder, waiting for someone to kill me or someone else that I love."

"Let Tory do her job. In the meantime, work the other open homicides with your team."

"Can I call you if anything comes up?"

"Kate, I'm going to be in Alaska. You can do this."

"That's what Castle always tells me."

"Sounds like good advice to me. Take care of yourself. Let Castle take care of you. It looks like he's done an awesome job, so far."

"Yeah, I guess he has," she smiled.

Kate was sitting at her desk after Will and Avery had left when Castle rapped on her door. "I was wondering if I could buy you a drink," he popped his head in the door. "You look like you could use one."

"That sounds nice," she got up and grabbed her coat, slipping into it as she followed Castle to the elevator. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, just a little place that I know and love," he replied, staring up at the ceiling.

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting across from each other beneath his picture at The Old Haunt, Castle with a glass of Scotch and Kate with a glass of red wine. "I can't believe that you still own this place," she looked around at the pictures on the wall.

"Well, it's not the most popular place in town, but it does okay," he reached across the table for her hand, rubbing his fingers over her wedding ring. "I love you."

"I love you, too. And I want you so badly. I really do. But I want to remember the first time that we were together."

"Why is it so important that you remember that? We were great, you know."

"I'm sure that we were," she smiled shyly. "Rick, that night is important to me for so many reasons. Men don't get that."

"Can I give you hints to help you remember?"

"No," she shook her head. "It'll come."

"I hope one of us does. _Soon_. Is that why you won't sit in the booth with me?"

"No. I'm sitting across from you so that I can look at you while we talk. Can we talk about something else?"

"Okay," he signaled for another round of drinks. "So, Captain . . . I mean, Deputy Chief Gates. How do you feel about her helping us?"

"I feel good. Most of my memories of her are good ones. Not as good as the ones that I have of Roy, but I remember her as being fair. Tough, but fair. And not a particular fan of yours."

"That changed after a while. I still wasn't her favorite person, but she softened her stance somewhat." Castle's memories went back to when Kate had been kidnapped by Kelly Neiman. Gates had been the one who'd convinced him to find out what Tyson's story was. That had led them to getting Kate back.

"How did she react when she learned that we were a couple?"

"It turns out that she'd known about it for a while. She ignored it as long as we didn't flaunt it around the precinct."

"I take it that making out in the supply closet was forbidden, then?" Kate smiled.

"Yes, but it didn't stop us."

She looked at him, feeling her skin flush at the way his eyes were so focused on her. There was something about his eyes that was so mesmerizing. After a few beats, she looked down at her wine glass, swirling her finger around the rim. "It's getting late. We should head back home."

Winter was still holding onto the city, but it was a clear night, so they walked slowly back toward the loft, taking in the sounds of the city and the bustle of people still hurrying about their business. It was a part of living in New York that Kate had always loved. She had fun with Castle as they made up stories about the different people that they saw hailing cabs or running into restaurants or bars.

When they reached the loft, Eduardo tipped his cap to Kate as Castle led her inside and to the elevator. She leaned into his side as he dug his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. They stepped inside and he locked the door behind them. She walked over to the stairs and stood watching him, unsure of what to say next. "I had a nice time tonight, Castle. Thank you for the drinks. Goodnight."

"Kate," he called after her before approaching her. "I . . . I—"

He cupped her face in his hands, his lips descending on hers, his kiss slow and completely unhurried, but Kate felt the intensity in it, nonetheless. She felt herself pressing against him, moaning against the feel of his mouth on hers. But she knew that she had to stop. As badly as she wanted him to take her into his . . . _their_ bedroom and have his way with her, she knew that she had to stop it. She needed to remember their first time together. She didn't want to create a new first time. "Castle," she finally managed to move back from him, her lips swollen, her eyes bright. "Goodnight, Castle."

She turned and hurried up the stairs, going into the guest room and closing the door, standing against it, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. "The door," she whispered. "Fuck. The door."

' _What do you want, Beckett?'_

' _You. I just want you.'_

' _What happened?'_

' _He got away and I didn't care. I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you.'_

She placed her hands on her chest, unbuttoning the top button of her blouse and pressing her fingers against the scar from her bullet wound. She could still feel Castle's lips, scorching hot, against her scar, on her neck and throat. She remembered how aroused she'd been when she'd reached down for his hand, wrapping her fingers around his much larger digits and leading him into his own room. She remembered standing at his bed, as his eyes sought hers. And lastly she remembered him laying her so gently onto his bed before they made love. It felt so real not to be anything more than a memory of that night.

She made her way back downstairs to the master bedroom. Castle wasn't in there, but she could hear the shower running from behind the closed bathroom door. She was so confused, but she knew that as confused as she was, Castle had to be even more so. Not to mention incredibly hurt.

Under the icy cold shower in the master bath, Castle let the water wash over his body, pushing down the arousal that raced hotly through him. How could he make Beckett understand that there was nothing wrong with creating new memories? He had heard her moan when he was kissing her. She only moaned like that when she was really turned on. He'd discovered that during their very first time. Actually he'd discovered it even earlier than that when he'd kissed her during their undercover assignment to rescue the boys from Lockwood. That moan had been the cause of a lot of erotic dreams.

He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack and wrapping it around his waist. Still damp with dripping hair, he opened the bathroom door and stepped into his bedroom, stopping short when he saw Kate sitting on the edge of his bed, her hands pressed between her knees. "The front door. I don't know how I remembered that, but I remember you kissing me against your front door. Then I brought you in here. You acted like I was going to break."

"I . . . I couldn't believe that you were here," he sat down beside her on the bed. "For a few seconds, I was pretty sure I'd forgotten how to do it. And by it—"

"I know what you mean. For a second, I forgot how to do it, too," her smile was huge. "But we recovered pretty quickly."

"Yeah, we did," he agreed. "Can I please kiss you again?"

"I think you'd better," her eyes were so bright and happy that it made his heart soar.

Bending down, his lips captured hers in a kiss that started soft, but didn't stay that way for long. Kate's arms slipped around his neck, feeling the dampness of his skin as she melted into him, moaning into his mouth. After a few minutes, she pulled back and palmed his face with her hands, her smile the huge, happy one he loved so much. She then scooted back toward the center of the bed, tugging him with her. Along the way, his towel came untucked, falling away from his body. "You lost your towel," she managed to laugh before he fell across her.

"It's okay," he laughed with her. "I was going to lose it eventually, anyway. What else do you remember about that night?"

"That you were right. We were amazing."

"We still are," he kissed her again, clutching her to him so that he could roll them, relishing the feel of her weight on him.

He unbuttoned her blouse and helped her to pull it off of her shoulders, tossing it somewhere behind her before he went to work on the front clasp of her bra, slipping it off of her arms and throwing it in the same direction as her blouse. She bent down to kiss him again, her hair forming a curtain around them. Castle's hands mapped out her bare back, familiarizing himself once again with the contours of her spine. He groaned at the feel of her naked breasts pressing against his chest. She felt so warm, so much like home. "My pants, Castle," she whispered into his mouth. "I want you to take off my pants. I need to be completely naked with you."

Castle's grin was huge as he kissed her senseless before rolling them once again, his fingers reaching into the waistband of her jeans and opening them before standing up and pulling them down her legs as she raised her hips to assist him. She could see how aroused he was, how hard. She longed to touch him, to taste him. Her eyes met his before she struggled to sit up, reaching for him, hearing his sharp intake of breath when she wrapped her hand around him. "Kate, please," he swallowed hard when he felt her replace her hand with her tongue.

"Please what, Castle?" She teased, taking him in deep, feeling his death grip on her shoulder as he fought for composure.

"Kate, we haven't touched each other in almost two months," Castle gritted his teeth to keep from exploding in the warm cavern of her mouth. "You really need to stop."

"Well, when you put it like that," she released him from her mouth with a soft 'pop' before reaching for him, latching her mouth to his as he lowered her back to the mattress, crawling up over her. "And since we haven't touched in two months, I need for you to touch me right now. Make me scream, Castle."

"Okay," he grinned against her mouth before sliding his fingers down to the lace panties that she was still wearing, slowly sliding them down her legs before Kate managed to kick them off and onto the floor. "You feel so good."

"Oh shit, Castle," she cried out at the first press of his fingers against her warm, wet, swollen flesh.

Kate had told Castle that she wanted him to make her scream, something he was extremely good at. He knew exactly how to touch her and where to make her come multiple times. She hooked one leg over his hip, bucking against him, matching the rhythm of his fingers. Castle's lips traveled down to Kate's neck, latching onto her pulse point while his fingers kept busy between her legs. He knew that she was close by the frantic way she was moving beneath him and by the sounds that were pouring from her throat.

The memories of their first night together didn't even come close to how good Castle was making her feel right at this very moment. "Castle," she reached down for the hand that he had between her legs. "I need you in me right this minute. I want to come the second that you're inside of me and then . . . and then—"

"And then you're going to fuck my brains out?" He smiled down into her eyes.

"Yeah, that," she reached down, guiding him to her, letting out a loud sigh of pleasure at the feel of him filling her. "Fuck, you feel fantastic. Now take your fingers and touch me because I'm about to come hard."

She wasn't kidding. The second that Castle pressed his fingers back to her swollen clit and thrust into her a couple of times, Kate went off like a bottle rocket, wrapping her legs around his thighs and screaming into his chest.

"Are you good?" Castle couldn't resist asking.

"I'm perfect. How about yourself?"

"Oh, I'm great. I haven't been this good in months," he claimed her mouth with his own, thrusting gently into her while they kissed hungrily.

Still kissing Castle, Kate wrapped all four limbs around him before expertly rolling them so that he was now underneath her. He brought his hands up to her breasts, rolling and pinching her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He watched Kate moving up and down on him, both feet planted on the bed, her head thrown back in pleasure. Watching her was always the sexiest thing ever. He would never get tired of watching her. He struggled to sit up, instantly feeling Kate wrap her long legs around him while he continued to thrust into her, one of their favorite lovemaking positions. Kate kissed every inch of bare skin she could reach, Castle's shoulders, biceps, and chest before smudging her lips against his.

"I love you, Castle," she whispered against his lips. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you, too," he could feel her squeezing around him. "Come with me, Kate."

Instead of answering, she once again reached for his hand, bringing it down to where they were joined. He began rubbing her clit in circles, listening to Kate's screams of ecstasy as she tightened around him. Feeling her squeezing him was all that it took for him to empty himself with a loud cry.

Kate stayed wrapped around Castle, feeling the rapid beating of his heart against her own heart. She groaned when she felt him slip out of her before he carefully rolled them over onto the bed. He brushed her hair from her face before softly kissing her. "That was amazing."

"Yeah, it was. I have a question, though."

"What?"

"Do we . . . am I . . . do we use any kind of protection?"

"You have an IUD. You told me when we first started sleeping together that you couldn't take the pill."

"That's right. I can't. I mean, if we weren't using anything, I'd be okay."

"You wouldn't mind having a baby?"

"Well, maybe not right this second. I want to put LokSat away first. Then we can talk about making Castle babies."

"We're going to find him, and we're going to put him away."

"Are you scared?"

"Are you?" He threw the question back at her.

"I'm terrified, but I'm glad that I have you to back me up."

"We're going to be okay, Kate," he lay down, smiling when she settled on his chest as he let his fingers trail up and down her spine. "Are you asleep?"

"Not yet. Why?"

"I was just wondering."

"Why? Are you thinking the same thing that I'm thinking?"

"Are you thinking about round two in the shower?"

"Maybe," she smiled against his chest, raising up so that she could share more kisses with him.

After a rousing second round in the shower which had both of their cries echoing off of the bathroom tiles, they returned to bed, cuddling together, kissing and touching. "I've missed this," Castle nibbled on her neck. "I've missed you."

"I've missed this, too. But we need to get some sleep. I have an early appointment with Dr. Burke before we go to the precinct."

"So, are you going to tell Dr. Burke that you spent the night fucking your husband's brains out?" His lips moved to her earlobes.

"Uh, Dr. Burke doesn't want or need all of the details of my . . . _our_ sex life."

"What are you going to tell him, then?" He began sliding down the length of Kate's body under the sheets, nudging her thighs apart.

"Oh, I'm sure that I'll think of something," Kate groaned loudly at the feel of Castle's lips on her inner thighs. "Oh shit, Castle. You feel so damn good."

***CCC***

"How are you this morning?" Dr. Burke couldn't notice that Kate seemed more than a little sleep deprived. "How is your memory? Have you remembered anything?"

"Yes," she looked her doctor right in the eye before continuing. "I remember everything."

 **A/N #4: The case will resume in the next chapter. I just wanted to give everybody a break from all of the angst.**

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	14. A Familiar Face Returns

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: A familiar face returns to the Twelfth to assist in the investigation.**

 **A/N #1: Keep in mind that in real life, background checks can take a significant amount of time. I used to work as a contractor for the Air Force. My background check for my security clearance took months. And if there's shady stuff in your background, it can take a lot longer, as a former co-worker found out.**

 **A/N#2: Thank you many times over to Jo and Angie, but especially to Kelly, who reminded me that Vikram had used forged documents to get his job with the AG, something that was brought up in 'XY,' but was never mentioned again.**

 **A/N #3: This chapter will contain spoilers from 8x19 'Dead Again.'**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 14: A Familiar Face Returns**

"Where's Beckett?" Ryan asked when Castle stepped off of the elevator the next morning.

"She had an appointment. She'll be here soon. Has Capt. Gates . . . excuse me, Chief Gates arrived yet?"

"She called and is on her way. Tory requested permission to attend the strategy meeting this morning. She said that she might have something."

"Did she say what?" Castle asked.

"No, just some stuff that she found."

"She's not the only one with something to report," Esposito came out of the breakroom. "Hopefully this will be a productive meeting. How's Beckett?"

"She's good," Castle grinned. "She's really, really good."

"Bro, are we even talking about the same thing? Cause if you're talking about your sex life, I really don't want to know," Espo shuddered.

***CCC***

"Kate, you said that you remember everything. By that, do you mean everything that's happened over the past seven years?" Dr. Carver Burke studied his patient. There was something about her this morning. She seemed more free than she'd appeared in quite some time.

"Well, not exactly _everything_ , but I remember the most important thing of all."

"The first time that you were intimate with Rick?" Burke guessed as Kate nodded.

"I needed to feel that connection to Castle. I felt like I couldn't move on until I felt it."

"Even though you could've created new memories with him."

"It wouldn't have been the same."

"How is it going with the investigation?"

"It's moving along at a snail's pace," she complained. "I'd forgot how tedious police work can be at times."

"But you are making progress?"

"Yes. Hopefully having my former captain helping us can move it along. She has access to resources that we don't."

"So, you don't feel as if you're being pushed aside by her return?"

"She's not pushing me aside. I'm still the captain. It's still _my_ precinct. I'm not going to turn down the help. Right now, I'll take all of the help I can get. I have to shut this down before someone else gets hurt."

"You don't worry about your safety or that of Castle and your team?"

"I worry about our safety constantly. Where are you going with this, Dr. Burke?"

"I'm just reminded of the last time you got so deeply immersed in a case."

"This is different."

"How is it different, Kate? Lives could still be hanging in the balance."

"Are you saying that I should just let it go?"

"No. I'm just saying that you need to carefully consider the consequences."

***CCC***

Kate walked through the front doors of the precinct at the same time as her former captain, Victoria Gates. "Sir," Kate smiled, walking to the elevator and pressing the button. "Thank you for coming in to help us with this."

"I wish that I'd been apprised of the LokSat situation earlier, Captain. But, I'm glad that I'm able to help."

When they stepped off of the elevator, Castle magically appeared with a cup of coffee for Kate in his hand. She smiled her thanks before they all stepped into a conference room, joined by Tory. "While I'm sure that everybody is in a huge hurry to welcome me back to the fold, let's get brought up to speed on what we have so far on LokSat. Capt. Beckett, can you introduce me to the characters that we're aware of, so far?" Deputy Chief Gates came straight to the point.

"Yes, sir," Kate walked up to the white board that had already been set up in the conference room. "I was taken on the morning of the 11th of November by an unknown assailant. However, we do believe that he was assisted by our former analyst, Vikram Singh, who is now deceased. I was held in a mystery location by this man," she pointed to a sketched rendition of Flynn, "who I only knew as Flynn, no first name. It's likely an alias. Twenty-nine days into my captivity, I was brought back into the city by this man, Henry Jenkins."

"Mr. Castle, isn't Henry Jenkins the man who was involved in your disappearance last year?"

"Yes, sir."

"Does the FBI feel that your disappearance and Capt. Beckett's abduction are related?"

"They didn't at the time that Kate disappeared, but that's now the way that they're leaning."

"Go on, Captain."

"When Agent Sorensen and Det. Esposito were questioning Vikram Singh, an attorney by the name of Caleb Brown came in and stopped all interrogations. He took Singh from the precinct and we never saw or talked to him again. Caleb Brown was the former attorney of record for Vulcan Simmons."

"Have you questioned Mr. Brown?"

"We talked to him after Vikram's remains were positively identified. He led us to a man named Mason Wood."

"Why don't you have a photograph of Mr. Wood?"

"We went to his home and we spoke to a man who went by that name," Espo spoke up. "Tory could probably explain what happened better than I can, sir."

"I ran a check on the name Mason Wood, but there is no match to the man that Detectives Ryan and Esposito spoke to. I then ran a check on the address, but it doesn't belong to anyone by the name of Mason Wood. The house is owned by a shell corporation that was run by Future Forward," Tory stepped up, taking her turn at the board.

"The Super Pac that Beckett discovered two years ago?"

"Yes, sir. But this morning I discovered more, sir. Back when Vikram and Capt. Beckett were on the run, it was discovered that Vikram had forged his papers to get the job with the Attorney General's office. Of course, with Vikram in the employ of the NYPD, this matter was never again looked into. Mason Wood told Ryan and Esposito that there was a woman who helped Vikram get through school. I did some digging and I think I've located the woman." Tory walked over and tacked a new photo to the white board. The picture was of a woman in her 50's with short reddish hair. "Her name is Rita O'Hara. According to what I've discovered so far, she is a former operative for the CIA. I ran facial recognition against the surveillance photo of the woman leaving the Castle's loft following Det. Beckett's disappearance and I got an 87 percent match. Rita is the woman who went into the Castle's loft to get some of Capt. Beckett's clothing."

"Wait!" Kate walked up to the board, scrutinizing the picture of the mystery woman.

"Kate, what's wrong?" Castle asked. "Have you seen her before? Was she in the house with you and Flynn?"

"I'm not sure, but I have met her before," she turned to the group. "I think she helped me and Vikram when we were on the run from one of the assassin squads."

"Beckett, are you sure?" Espo asked.

"I'm positive. I didn't want to trust her, but then she told me . . . she told me—"

"She told you what, Captain?" Gates urged her on.

"Castle, she told me that she was your stepmother."

"Whoa!" Ryan interjected. "How can she be Castle's stepmother when he doesn't know who his father is. Or, do you?" He looked straight at Castle.

"Guys, it's a very long story," Castle sighed, leaning forward in his chair.

"Well, we all have plenty of time on our hands, Mr. Castle. Please enlighten us," Deputy Chief Gates fixed her famous 'no nonsense' glare on Castle.

"It all started when Alexis was kidnapped and taken to Paris," Castle then told all of them the tale about meeting Jackson Hunt or whatever his real name was and then later running into him again while he was using a different name.

"And you haven't had any contact with him since that afternoon in the library?" Gates asked once Castle filled them in on everything that he knew regarding Jackson Hunt/Anderson Cross.

"No, sir. I don't even have a way of contacting him. He just seems to pop up when I least expect it."

"We might not have a way of contacting him, but I do have a way of contacting Rita," Kate removed her wallet from her purse and opened it, removing a business card. "She told me before we parted ways that if I ever needed her, to call this number and tell them that I needed my curtains cleaned." She handed the card to Gates.

"Well, call and ask for her curtain cleaning services," Gates returned the card to Kate.

"Yes, sir."

"Beckett, you said that she rescued you and Vikram," Esposito stated as Kate nodded. "Do you remember where she took you?"

"Yes. It was a house in Westchester."

"Do you remember where it was?" Esposito pressed her.

"It was dark and I was freaked out by our encounter with a lot of men with very big guns, so no, Espo, I don't remember the exact street address."

"I'll see if Ms. O'Hara owns any property in Westchester," Tory offered.

"Ms. Ellis, also check to see if there are any other properties owned by Future Forward," Gates ordered.

"Yes, sir."

"Kate, do you think she'll agree to a meet?" Castle asked.

"If she thinks I don't suspect anything, she will. Failing to show up will only make her look suspicious."

"Make the call, Captain."

"Yes, sir."

Kate placed the phone call and then retreated to the breakroom to make herself another cup of coffee. She was stirring her coffee when Castle walked in. "Are you okay?"

"She told me that she hadn't seen your father in nine months," she looked at him. "She told me that relationships are a liability."

"Please tell me that you don't believe that."

"No, I don't. I love you and I couldn't have done one third of the stuff I've done without you. Has Hayley had any luck with the prison's video surveillance?"

"She's steadily breaching their firewalls, but she said it could take a few more days. I'll try to light a fire under her."

"No, Castle. Don't push her. Burke brought up an interesting point this morning during my session."

"Which was?"

"That I'm putting all of you in extreme danger. You, your mother, Alexis, Hayley, the boys. I can't lose anybody else, Castle."

"If you want to let it go, Kate, just say the word."

"I think we're way beyond that point. I still want to break Caleb Brown. I think he's going to be the only one we can hopefully bring over to our side."

"Why? Because he's low level?" Castle asked as Kate nodded.

"Beckett?" Ryan stuck his head in the doorway. "I think your curtain cleaner is here."

Kate walked out of the breakroom with Castle trailing behind her. They both watched the tall redhead as she strolled toward them. "Capt. Beckett?" She held her hand out to Kate. "We meet again. And you must be Richard. Kate told me quite a lot about you. What can I help you with?"

"First, I'd like you to meet Deputy Chief Gates. She's come over from 1 Police Plaza to help us out for a few days. Let's go into another room. Castle, check and see how Tory is coming along," Kate turned to look at Castle.

"But, I thought that I—"

"Not this time, Castle," Kate told him.

"She's right, bro," Espo consoled him once the three women walked away. "This has to be by the book."

The three women entered an interrogation room and took seats; Rita on one side of the table with Kate and Chief Gates on the other. Kate opened a manila folder that she'd brought into the room with them and fanned some pictures out in front of Rita. "I don't have time to fool around here, Ms. O'Hara," Kate began. "Did you know Vikram Singh before you rescued us from that goon squad that night?"

"Yes," she sighed. "I was a benefactor of sorts to him."

"When did this start?" Gates asked.

"I met Mr. Singh for the first time approximately 15 years ago. He was trying to get into graduate school and he needed my help."

"What kind of help did you give him?" Now it was Kate's turn to ask questions.

"Financial. He was having difficulty obtaining student loans. I had helped other students in the past, so he was sent to me by one of his mentors."

"Mason Wood?" Kate asked.

"I don't remember the man's name. I'd only met him a couple of times. He told me that Vikram was extremely bright and was destined to do great things."

"When was the last time that you saw Vikram?" Kate asked.

"The night that I left the two of you in the Westchester house. Why? Am I a suspect?"

"No, not at all," Kate was quick to assure her. "We're just trying to track Vikram's whereabouts after Caleb Brown took him from our precinct. I have a few pictures to show you. Do you know these men?" Kate slid sketches of both Flynn and Jackson Hunt in front of Rita.

"No, I'm afraid that I don't. Is there anything else?"

"How did you know that Capt. Beckett and Mr. Singh were in trouble the night that you rescued them?" Gates asked.

"I'd been watching Capt. Beckett for some time. I followed her after she left Winterkill Correctional after visiting with the late Sen. Bracken."

"Why were you watching me?"

"You know why."

"Because of Jackson Hunt?"

"Exactly."

"It's all right, Ms. O'Hara. My team is well aware of who Jackson Hunt or whatever he's calling himself these days, is. My days of keeping secrets are over. Where did you say Jackson was these days?"

"I didn't. Is there anything else?"

"No, you're free to go," Gates said as Rita got up and quickly left the room, closing the door behind her. "Careful, Captain. We don't want to make an enemy out of her."

"She's lying about who she is. She's not married to Jackson Hunt."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because this is Jackson Hunt," Kate slid the sketch over to Chief Gates. "She didn't recognize him."

"Are you sure that she wasn't lying?"

"She was lying about not knowing Flynn. I watched her reaction to both pictures. She knows Flynn but she doesn't know Hunt."

"What's your next move?"

"I want to go and talk to Caleb Brown. He's the person with the most to lose in all of this. Maybe I can bring him over to our side to help us take down LokSat."

"Just be careful. Nothing is as it seems with these people."

"Ryan! Esposito!" Kate called as she re-entered the bullpen. "Go back and interview Mason Wood again. Ask him if he ever met Rita O'Hara. Also, ask him about the forged documents. Vikram had to have had somebody help him."

"You've got it, boss," Espo grabbed his jacket.

"Where's Castle?"

"I think he went to check on Tory," Ryan told her, grabbing his jacket and following his partner.

Kate went to the IT room where Tory was busily working a bank of computer screens. "Castle?"

"Hey," he turned and gave her a smile. "How is my stepmother?"

"Let's go and talk to Caleb Brown again," she ignored his question regarding Rita as she waited for him to follow her to the elevator. "She's not your stepmother, Castle," she said after they got into the elevator. "I showed her that sketch of Jackson Hunt that we had when Alexis was taken. She didn't recognize him. She did, however, recognize my captor, Flynn."

"Are you sure?" He asked as she shot him a look. "Okay, you're sure. But is she CIA?"

"I think so. That's probably how she knows of your father."

***CCC***

"Again, Captain?" Caleb Brown sat back in his office chair with a look of annoyance on his face. "I've told you everything that I know about Vikram Singh."

"No, you haven't. Caleb, I can help you, but you have to work with me here. Tell me about LokSat."

"Capt. Beckett, believe me when I tell you that you don't want to continue investigating LokSat."

"Caleb, I don't get it. You served in the Peace Corps. You worked for the EPA. You brought legal action against corrupt corporations."

"What's your point, Kate?" He asked, using her first name just like she'd just used his.

"What happened? You used to make a difference? Why did you sell out?"

"Look, my client was forced to work for a man that he couldn't fight. And take my word for it. Neither can you."

"Let's help each other out here. _We_ can bring down LokSat. I'm giving you a second chance to make a difference."

"Captain, Mr. Castle, do yourselves a favor. Close the Vikram Singh homicide. He was obviously dirty. The world is a better place without him. If you keep investigating this, sooner or later, someone that you do care about is going to die. One of my associates already warned you about this, Beckett. Relationships are a liability. Do you remember those words? I'm asking you to please heed my warning."

"How do you know Rita O'Hara?" Kate asked. When Caleb sat there stone faced, she offered him one more chance to help them out. "You need to heed my warning. You have until eight o'clock tomorrow night. I'll be waiting for you at the Twelfth Precinct."

"And then what?"

"I'll expose you. And then we'll both be looking over our shoulders, waiting for LokSat to tie up loose ends. Because once they find that your cover is blown and I'm onto you, then you're gonna be just as dead as I am."

"Seven minutes, Kate. Seven minutes. That's how long the brain continues to function after the body dies, and as all the synapses slowly stop firing off. That's when they say our lives flash before our eyes. Now, when your seven minutes come, I sincerely hope that you do not flash to this moment, when you had a chance to live, and you chose not to. Now, I've said everything that I'm going to say. Do not come to me again without a warrant or a subpoena. Have a nice afternoon."

"Did he just threaten us?" Castle asked when they made their way to her car.

"Not us. Me. But, he's also scared and slowly running out of options. I'll see if we can get a subpoena, but I'm not going to hold my breath on that happening. Castle," she turned to him. "Maybe you should take your mother and Martha and go to the Hamptons."

"No," he shook his head.

"Castle—"

"Kate, no. I'll ask my mother and Alexis to go, but I'm not leaving you. Not until we put LokSat away."

Kate got in the car and started it. She was about to pull away when her phone rang. She hit the Bluetooth button and put it on speaker before answering. "Beckett!"

"Beckett, it's me!" Esposito's voice came over the phone. "You need to meet us at Mason Wood's address."

"We're on our way!" Kate turned on the gumball and siren before pulling away from the curb.

"Please don't tell me he's dead, too," Castle groused.

When they arrived at the address, ESU was on the scene, but the coroner's wagon was nowhere to be found. "What's going on?" Kate got out of the car.

"Wood's gone," Ryan reported. "The house is cleaned out. There's no furniture, no nothing. It's as if no one has ever lived here."

"Let's go inside," Kate led the way into the house, stopping short when she looked around the living room. "This is where they were holding me."

"Kate, are you sure?" Castle asked her.

"Yeah, I'm sure. The house phone was on a table over there," she pointed, "and here's the alarm panel." She walked through the house as her team followed her. "Here's the door with the keycard lock," she pointed to the locked door. "We need to get upstairs."

"It's a metal door. ESU is going to have to blow it," Espo told her.

"Then, get them to blow it," Kate's eyes were blazing.

ESU was able to blow the door opened 20 minutes later and once the smoke cleared, Kate, the boys and Castle made their way up the stairs to a room that was as bare as the entire downstairs except for a box on a countertop. Slipping on a pair of evidence gloves, Kate carefully removed the lid and found several flash drives inside of the box. "Let's get these back to Tory at the precinct."

***CCC***

"It's going to take me days to go through all of these. Maybe longer," Tory sighed as she examined the box of flash drives the team had brought back from Mason Wood's home. "Sir, I could really use some extra eyes here," she appealed to Deputy Chief Gates.

"I'll see what I can do, Ms. Ellis, but as you well know, the money isn't there to bring anybody in."

"Castle, what about Hayley and Alexis?" Kate suggested.

"Let me get this straight, Captain," Gates sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. "You want to bring in untrained civilians to assist a trained NYPD professional?"

"Sir, Hayley Shipton has considerable IT experience and Alexis has also proven that she's quite efficient when it comes to looking at evidence," Castle defended his daughter and his partner.

"This is true, Captain . . . uh, Chief," Espo and Ryan echoed Castle's sentiments.

"They're already working other angles of the case, sir," Kate added.

"Fine," Gates sighed. "Mr. Castle, call them and get them here."

Kate went into her office, leaving Castle to make the phone call to Hayley and Alexis. Gates followed, closing the door behind her. "Sir, Tory needs the help. I know it's unorthodox, but I've seen what Hayley can do. She's former MI-6. She doesn't always play by the rules, but she's tenacious. And you know how smart Alexis is. And you won't have to ask the city for funds to pay them."

"Well, for your sake, I hope that you and Mr. Castle are right. You're the captain now, so I'm trusting your judgment."

"Thank you, sir."

Kate went to find Castle. She located him in the breakroom, his hands visibly shaking while he made two cappuccinos, one for Kate and another for himself. "Hey, you want me to handle that? You seem a little on edge."

"On edge? Why would I possibly be on edge? Because LokSat's henchmen know we're onto him and assassins could come through the door at any second. I mean, why aren't _you_ on edge?"

"Well, Caleb is a lot of things, but he's not suicidal, and working with us is his only recourse."

"He threatened your life."

"Because he was scared. Trust me, Castle. I turned him. I'm positive he's coming in today."

"Oh, yeah. I think he's coming, too. Well, either him or one of LokSat's hit squads."

"Rick, it'll be okay. Now, did you talk to Hayley?" She changed the subject, hoping to calm him down.

"Yeah. They're on their way. Which is good. We can all be together when LokSat's quick strike assassin squad comes for us."

"Castle, stop," she urged him.

"Kate, I watched you die once," his blue eyes were shining with tears. "That was awful. I don't want to see you die a second time."

"I won't," she whispered. "Nobody is going to die. Caleb will be here and he will work with us." 

"Guys," Ryan stuck his head in the door. "Hayley and Alexis are here."

Kate and Castle met the two women and showed them to the computer room where Tory was still sorting through the flash drives. "Tory, you already know my daughter Alexis. This is my P.I. associate, Hayley Shipton. Hayley, this is Tory Ellis."

"Thank you for the assist, ladies," Tory greeted them. "There are 60 flash drives. I don't know how large any of the drives are. I was thinking that maybe we could take 20 each. Make sure we scrub them for viruses and then we'll look at each file, one by one. I don't know how long this is going to take."

"It'll take as long as it takes," Hayley said, Alexis nodding in agreement. "I say that we should get started. Rick, would you be so kind as to make all of us coffees. I have a feeling we're going to need them."

"Oh, and also a couple of pizzas," Tory added.

"Pizza and coffee. Right," Castle drawled. "Alexis, is there anything that you would like."

"Nope," Alexis took her share of the drives and settled in front of one of the computers before sticking earbuds in her ears. "I'm good. But, thank you, dad."

"Beckett," Espo entered the room. "ESU finished scrubbing the house. There were no fingerprints anywhere."

"None?"

"The place was pristine. That is a direct quote from ESU. It was as if no one had ever lived there. They didn't even find prints on the third floor."

"Were there prints found on the drives?" Hayley asked.

"No. They were checked first, as well as the box they were found in. Nothing."

"He knew that we were coming for him," Kate said.

"I want to put a protective detail on all of you," Gates said.

"It won't do any good. If he wants to get to us, he'll find a way," Kate looked at her.

"It's getting late," Gates glanced at her watch. "Are you ladies going to be okay?"

"We'll be fine," Tory assured her. "I'll contact either Capt. Beckett or you if we find anything."

"All right."

***CCC***

Kate and Castle went to dinner before returning home to the loft. Rick noticed Kate checking her watch when they entered the lobby, walking part Eduardo toward the elevator. "What's wrong?" He asked, pressing the button for their floor.

"Caleb's deadline has come and gone. His secretary said that he left the office after we left and didn't leave word on where he was going. He's gone off-grid."

"He's running. He's too scared to face LokSat, and too scared to work with us."

"Which means we just lost our only lead," she sighed dejectedly, feeling Castle slip an arm around her and hold her protectively close to his side.

"So, what do we do?"

"I don't know. Maybe you're right," she took his hand as they stepped off of the elevator and began walking toward the loft. "Maybe it's time for a change. I hear Paris is nice this time of year." She smiled at him as he smiled back.

"So long as I'm with you, I'll go anywhere."

Walking into the darkened apartment, Kate had that cop's sense that something wasn't right. She pulled her gun as Castle flipped on the living room light. Sitting in an armchair nearby was the last person either of them expected to see, especially in their home. Castle noticed that not only was their houseguest sitting in his favorite chair, but he was also imbibing in his most expensive bottle of Scotch. "Don't shoot me. I might spill my Scotch," Caleb Brown stood up, approaching both of them slowly.

"I think you mean _my_ Scotch. And my most expensive Scotch."

"It's worth it." He poured another glass before setting the bottle down.

"You have a change of heart, Caleb?" Kate asked.

"You know, every morning we wake up and we choose who we want to be. I wake up and I ask myself, 'Why are you choosing this?' Because you're right, Kate. I was a good guy once."

"And you still can be. Who is LokSat?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, come on! You work for him!" Castle reminded him.

"Yes. But I started out working for his partner."

"Senator William Bracken?" Kate guessed as Caleb nodded. "So, what? LokSat inherited you?"

"It was more like drafted. After Bracken's murder, I received this on my doorstep with a note." He pulled out a cell phone. "And I quote, 'Mr. Brown, you now work for me. This cell phone is enabled with GPS and will only function at the northernmost end of Astor Park. Be there every third Monday of the month at 8 a.m. To receive your orders.' Kate, it's yours," he handed her the phone. "And hopefully you can trace LokSat's next call."

"No. They're gonna know I'm not you."

"We don't have a conversation. The phone rings, I answer. An electronically modified voice gives me instructions. It lasts no more than 60 seconds, so have your best people ready."

After handing Kate the device, Caleb walks toward the door. "Where are you going?" Castle asks him when he reached for the doorknob.

"Um . . . I'm gonna go to the same places I always go . . . work, home. I'm going to act as if nothing has changed."

"Yeah, it has. And we can protect you," Kate argued.

"All I want from you is your promise that you'll see this through. And remember who I chose to be today because nobody else will. That's a damn fine Scotch, Rick." And with that, he was gone.

"This is it," Castle turned to Kate the second the door closed behind Caleb. "It's our one chance at LokSat."

"Yeah," Kate nodded, hefting the cell phone in her hand. "And when the time comes, we're gonna make it count. In the meantime, we need to have the loft swept again. I still don't completely trust Caleb. There's a possibility that we're being set up."

"I'm on it."

Gates came over once the loft had been swept for bugs. Castle and Kate were both assured that the apartment was clean, earning huge sighs of relief. Gates, however, wasn't quite as relieved. "Let me get this straight. You walked into your apartment and one of our suspects was just sitting here. How did he get past your doorman?" She directed the question to Castle.

"He didn't enter through the front. We believe that he took the same route that Rita O'Hara did when she took Kate's clothes. I'm still not sure how he got into the loft. When Kate and I got home, I had to use my key to unlock the door."

"Beckett, do you trust him?"

"Right now, I don't think we have a choice but to trust him. I do know that he's scared. When I informed him of Vikram's murder, I could see that it shook him. I think he fears that he'll be next."

"Just be very careful, Kate. We've all seen that nothing is as it appears where this case is concerned."

"Thank you, sir."

***CCC***

"It's done. Beckett has the phone."

"Good work, Mr. Brown. I'll call you if I have further instructions."

Caleb Brown hung up and took a huge swallow of his Scotch, not nearly as good as the glass he'd enjoyed at Castle's, but satisfying none the less. The ball was now out of his court and he knew with certainty that Capt. Kate Beckett and novelist Richard Castle were as good as dead. Handing that cell phone over to her had signed her death warrant. And probably his, as well.

 **A/N #4: Normally I don't rely quite so heavily on spoilers as I did in this chapter. But it was the only way that I could make the scenes between Caleb and Kate work and still make some kind of sense. Plus, I liked the scene where Caleb talked about the 'seven minutes.'**

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	15. Nightmares and Frightening Discoveries

**DISCLAIMERS: I wish I owned Castle, but I don't.**

 **SUMMARY: The contents of the flash drives come to light while Castle struggles with the possible consequences of taking down LokSat. Meanwhile, Kate makes a decision that will change hers' and Castle's lives forever.**

 **A/N #1: There will be spoilers for 8x01 'XY,' 8x02 'XX' and 8x14 'The G.D.S.' And for the purposes of this story, that latter episode** _ **never**_ **happened.**

 **A/N #2: This chapter and the next are going to be extremely long because both are going to cover a lot of ground.**

 **A/N #3: I've given Kate a new OB/GYN, who will figure prominently later in the story. And, if you're a 'Grey's Anatomy' fan, his name is going to be very familiar.**

 **A/N #4: This is in response to Bob, who sent me a review accusing me of rehashing the awful storyline from Season 8. While I do consider most of Season 8 just awful, there were a few things that I did like. For what I'm writing to work, I need to incorporate some aspects of that storyline into the mix. I promise if you stick with me for two more chapters, it will be worth it.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 15: Nightmares and Frightening Discoveries**

 _He was running down a long, dark hallway. Kate was gone and he couldn't find her. This was the longest hallway he'd ever seen in his life. It reminded him of the creepy hallway in 'The Shining.' "Kate! Kate!" He called out, searching behind every closed door, every closet._

" _Castle!"_

" _Kate!"_

" _Castle! Help!"_

" _Kate, hold on! Keep calling!"_

" _Rick?" He turned to find Henry Jenkins standing behind him. "What're you doing, Rick? You begged me to erase your memory. You made a tape, remember? You need to stop. If you don't stop, she's going to die. The love of your life is going to die. Do you want to live with that on your conscience?"_

" _No," Castle sobbed; hot, salty tears trickling down his face. "No. Please don't take her from me. I can't live without her."_

" _Castle? Castle?"_

Castle opened his eyes to the feel of Kate's hands cradling his face, her thumbs wiping the tears from his face. "It's okay. I'm here," she kissed him, her forehead resting against his. "Were you dreaming again?"

"I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

"Do you remember when Alexis and I went to Montreal?" He asked as she nodded. "I was dreaming about that tape that I made for you. Well, I dreamt that I'd run into Henry Jenkins and he reminded me about the tape. He told me that if I didn't stop, you were going to die."

"Castle, it was just a bad dream. That's all that it was."

"What if it isn't, Kate?"

"Castle, it's too late to back off now. LokSat knows we're on to him."

"Promise me . . . promise me something," his voice was rough with emotion. "Until we take him or them down, we stay together. No going off on rogue missions."

"I promise," her lips brushed over his. "There's nobody that I'd rather stay close to than you. Now, sleep." She settled down on his chest, feeling his arm come around her, making her feel safe and very loved.

The nightmares had been an almost nightly occurrence since Caleb Brown had given Kate the burner phone over two weeks before. During the day, Castle was reluctant to let her out of his sight and at night, his inner demons took over. He'd wake her up at least once a night. Sometimes he'd seek her out physically and other nights, he'd just beg her not to leave him until they took down LokSat. Kate would do her best to calm him down and they'd both go back to sleep. Lather, rinse, and then repeat the process the next night.

Kate was in the kitchen the next morning when she heard a key turn in the door. Her whole body tensed as the door began opening. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when Martha entered the loft. "Katherine," Martha breezed into the kitchen, giving Kate a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek, "good morning, darling. Where is Richard?"

"Still sleeping, I hope. He had a rough night."

"More nightmares?" Martha guessed as Kate nodded, handing her mother-in-law a cup of coffee. "Thank you."

"Good morning, Mother," Castle stumbled out from the bedroom, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand, his hair sticking out in all directions. Kate thought he'd never looked more adorable. "If you keep dropping by early in the morning like this, I'm going to have to ask for you to return your key."

"Good morning to you too, Richard," Martha kissed him on the cheek, patting his chest affectionately. "I dropped by because I haven't seen or talked to either of you in several days."

"Maybe there's a reason for that," Castle teased, walking into the kitchen and kissing Kate before accepting the cup of coffee that she was holding out to him. "Thank you. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. After all, we still have a murder to solve."

"How are _you_ doing _,_ kiddo?" Martha took a seat on a barstool at the counter after Richard had left the room.

"I'm getting better every day. More and more memories are coming back. Dr. Burke said that it's possible that I won't remember everything, but I remember all of the important stuff. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, darling. You know that you can ask me anything."

"Please don't ask me to ask Rick. But do we talk about starting a family? I mean, do we _seriously_ talk about it?"

"Well, I don't know how serious those conversations are between you and Richard, but I do know that the topic has come up. Do you mind if I ask why you're asking me about this?"

"Everything that has happened in the last few months has made me do a lot of thinking. A lot of soul searching. I love your son," she smiled. "I love him so much that it's hard to breathe sometimes. I'd love to have another part of him. I've always loved the relationship that he has with Alexis. I'd love to see that relationship with our children . . . well, our _child_ ; since having a baby usually starts with one."

"Well, unless you have twins, of course," Martha waved her hand dramatically.

"The thought of two mini-Castle's running around this loft fills me with terror," Kate arched an eyebrow as Martha laughed.

"When Alexis was young, it used to surprise me how he was with her. I wasn't always the best of mothers. I mean, I did the best that I could, but he's a much better parent than I ever was."

"You love him and he loves you. That's what really matters."

"We must get together for a family dinner soon," Martha patted Kate's hand affectionately.

"Yes, we must," Kate smiled in agreement.

"Call your father and set something up with him. As much as I would love to stick around and chat, I have to run. Tell my son that I will talk to him later."

Kate walked into the bathroom where Castle was shaving in front of the mirror. "You can come out of hiding. Your mother has left."

"I wasn't hiding," he turned toward her and kissed her, laughing when he left a dollop of shaving cream on her cheek. He took the hand towel and carefully removed it. "I was getting dressed for work."

"That's your story and you're sticking to it, right?"

"Yes, I am."

"I have to make a phone call. We're leaving in 10 minutes."

When Castle re-entered the living room a few minutes later, Kate was just finishing a phone call. "Thank you. I'll see you then. Goodbye." She hung up and walked over to grab her jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"Right now? To work. Why?"

"You were just telling somebody that you'll see them then. You'll see who on when?"

"Castle, relax. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. It's ladies stuff. Come on, let's go."

"Is everything okay?"

"Castle, it's that time of the year again. Time for the annual checkup. If something were wrong, you'd be the first to know. Now, come on. We still have a murder or two to solve."

***CCC***

Tory, Hayley and Alexis had been going through the flash drives for days, operating on adrenaline, coffee, and too little sleep. So far, there had been nothing of any value on the drives, just video footage of the man that they knew as Jenkins, Rita O'Hara and a man that they'd identified as the mysterious Mr. Flynn. On the drives they'd looked at to this point, the three people weren't saying anything. They were just sitting around.

"Oh my god!" Hayley threw her head back and ran her hands over her face. "Watching the files on these drives is like watching paint dry."

"Not all of them," Alexis suddenly announced. "Guys, I think I've found something."

"Isn't that the inside of your apartment?" Hayley asked, as she and Tory came up behind Alexis, watching the video over her shoulder.

"Yeah. I think this is what was on Lucy."

"These are from the time when Kate was missing. Look at the date stamp," Tory pointed to the corner of the screen.

"My guess is these first drives were probably to make sure that the software was working," Hayley said. "The rest are the real deal."

An hour later, they were all sitting around a conference table as Tory loaded the drive that Alexis had discovered. "We believe that the footage on this drive is from the home security system in your loft, Rick," Tory clicked on the 'start' arrow. "This is from shortly after Capt. Beckett went missing."

The video footage was about as high tech as anything Kate had ever seen in all of her years as a cop. She'd been expecting something grainy and hard to recognize. What she saw instead was as clear as watching something on a movie screen.

' _Castle, you know that I have to investigate every angle of Kate's disappearance,' Will Sorensen was sitting in their living room across from Castle, who looked completely worn down._

' _I know.'_

' _I've talked to several people who have told me that you were upset with Kate recently. Can you tell me what that was all about?'_

' _Back in September, Kate disappeared for almost two days. She went on the run with Vikram Singh. I didn't know this guy. I'd never even heard of him before. She wouldn't tell me why she was on the run. I was upset about that. I'm her husband. I deserved to know why she was running.'_

' _What happened the night before she went missing?'_

' _This time?' Castle asked as Sorensen nodded. 'Our first wedding anniversary was a couple of days before. Kate came over the night before with burgers from Remy's and we celebrated . . . you know, we celebrated.'_

' _It's all right, Castle. I get it,' Sorensen let him off of the hook. 'You said that the next morning Kate got a text message. Do you know who it was from?'_

' _No, but if I had to guess, I'd say that it was from Vikram.'_

' _I'm looking into him, Castle. Did you hurt Kate?'_

' _No,' Castle's voice choked with emotion. 'No, I didn't hurt her.'_

"Mr. Castle, where did you get the home security system?" Gates asked once the video had ended.

"I ordered it after Kate came back after those two days on the run. I've ordered things from the company before. They're a reputable company."

"Chief Gates, it's entirely possible that someone came into the loft while Castle and Capt. Beckett were out and put the listening device into Lucy," Hayley offered an explanation.

"That's entirely plausible," Gates agreed. "When did you realize that there was a bug inside of the security system?"

"I knocked it off of the counter one night when we were playing laser tag," Kate remembered. "I saw the bug and we notified Sorensen."

"How many more drives are there?" Gates asked.

"About a dozen, maybe a little more," Tory said.

"Keep looking at them. Are you documenting what's been on the drives you've already looked at?"

"Yes, sir."

Kate looked over at Castle, at the emotion that was swirling in his blue eyes. She watched him take a hard swallow before he got up and left the room. "Is everything all right, Captain?" Chief Gates asked after Castle left the room.

"He's been struggling since . . . since Caleb gave me the phone. He's been having a lot of nightmares. He doesn't want to let me out of his sight."

"Actually, the not letting you of his sight has been going on for a while. Since before you were taken by LokSat," Gates told her.

"Tyson and Nieman?" Kate guessed.

"I think so. I wasn't a fan of Mr. Castle for a very long time, but one thing that I learned about him early on was that he's a man who wears his emotions on his sleeve. And I also realized that anybody who didn't see how much he loved you was a fool."

"He worries that LokSat is going to kill one of us."

"He might very well be right. Do you regret pursuing him?"

"Sometimes. But I also know that if I don't remove the threat, it's only going to get worse. We don't know who they are and we don't know what their intentions are, but I do know that we need to stop them or him."

"I agree."

"Sir?" Tory stuck her head in the doorway. "We found the missing prison videos."

"Let me go and find Rick," Kate got up and left the room.

Kate found him in the stairwell outside of the bullpen, sitting on a cold cement step, his chest heaving. "Rick?"

"Did you know Vikram before you went missing in September?"

"No," she sat down beside him, reaching for his hand. "Castle, I don't think Vikram was a bad guy, at first. I think after we were found by you and Hayley, they got to him."

"Then how do you explain Mason Wood?"

"I can't. At least, not yet. Castle, I came to find you because Tory said that they found the missing videos from the prison. If you don't want to—"

"No, I do," he stood up, tugging her to her feet and cupping her face in his hands. "There are no words to describe how much I love you. Not even for a writer like me," he gave her a wry smile. "You are my heart. You are my breath. You are my soul. I am nothing without you."

"Nor am I without you," she pressed up, brushing her lips against his. "Now, let's go see what happened at the prison. After that, I'm going to take you home, run you a hot bath and take you to bed, where I'm prepared to have my wicked way with you."

"Your wicked way, huh?" He smiled.

"That's better," she kissed him once more. "Come on."

They returned to the conference room where Tory loaded another flash drive into the USB drive. "There are two videos from the prison. This is the first one."

Kate gasped when she saw an image of herself sitting on one side of the Plexiglas in a prison visiting room and her nemesis, former Senator William Bracken, sitting on the other side. She looked over when she felt Castle take her hand. He gave it an encouraging squeeze before they focused their attention on the video.

' _Detective Beckett, you're the last person I expected to see,' Bracken was the first to speak._

' _Why is that? You thought I'd be dead by now.'_

' _I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about.'_

' _Rachel McCord, Matt Hendricks. Five murdered federal agents. Ringing a bell?' Kate demanded._

' _Not a one.'_

' _Then how about this one? LokSat?'_

' _How do you know about LokSat?' His entire demeanor changed. His posture had stiffened and he appeared fearful._

' _Doesn't matter how, the question is what is it? And why is there a hit squad running around the East Coast killing people to protect it?'_

' _We're through here,' he started to get up._

' _The hell we are,' Kate argued back._

' _Just let me be. You've put a target on my back. You may as well kill yourself right now, Kate. You have stumbled onto something which is so . . . over your head I'm amazed you're still alive.' With that, he slammed down the telephone receiver and walked to the closed door, knocking on it in order to leave._

"He was murdered because of me," Kate said after the video ended.

"No," Castle squeezed her hand again. "Your visit might've set the wheels in motion, but he wasn't murdered until after I went to see him."

"Someone in the prison was keeping tabs," Gates commented.

"We checked out everybody in the prison, but everybody was clean," Ryan said.

"We're thinking another inmate might've been a plant, but so far, everybody has checked out in that department, too," Esposito added.

"This is the second video. It was recorded the day after Beckett's visit to Bracken," Tory opened the second file.

This time it was Castle on the other side of the glass. When Bracken entered the room, this time he was visibly upset.

' _Oh, no, no, no, no. Forget it. I've got nothing to say to you.'_

' _Well, tough,' Castle rises to his feet. 'I know Beckett was here and I know why. So you're going to call your dogs off right now.'_

' _Or what? You're going to write something mean about me?'_

' _Or I'm going to start a scholarship in your name and offer it to the first inmate who shanks you in the prison laundry.'_

' _You'll be wasting your money.'_

' _Oh, forgive me if I don't take your word for it,' Castle snarled. Bracken only laughed and moved a little closer to the glass. 'What's so funny?'_

' _You,' he picked the phone up as they both sat down. 'You come in here, all on fire about your wife. You don't even know who she is. Sixteen years Kate Beckett's been obsessed with solving her mother's murder. You really think she can turn off that kind of obsession?'_

' _Are you saying this is her fault?' Castle's tone was one of disbelief._

' _I'm saying, she's never going to be happy just being Mrs. Castle. She needs to tilt at windmills. It's in her DNA. Like a moth to the flame. And we all know what happens to the moth at the end.' With that, Bracken put the phone back in the cradle before walking to the door and tapping on it. 'Get me out of here.'_

"Bracken attacked a guard shortly after Castle left," Esposito told the room. "He was placed in solitary and while he was in there, someone came in and shanked him."

"How long after Castle's visit was he attacked?" Kate asked.

"A few hours. The security cameras weren't working, so we don't know exactly what time Bracken was killed," Ryan said. "Lanie estimated that it was anywhere from one and a half to four hours after Castle was at the prison."

"They were afraid he was going to break," Kate noted.

"He wasn't going to break," Castle's voice was rough.

"I'm not so sure about that. He was terrified when I mentioned LokSat to him."

"Why don't all of you take a break for today?" Gates stood up, indicating that the meeting was over. "Go home and decompress."

***CCC***

Later at the loft, Kate was sitting at the counter watching Castle whip up some pasta for the two of them. "He was wrong," she took a sip of wine before placing her glass on the countertop.

"Who was?" Castle tossed the angel hair pasta with parmesan cheese and diced tomatoes.

"Bracken. Rick, I still don't remember everything, but I love being Mrs. Richard Castle."

"And I loved the day that I was able to make you Mrs. Richard Castle," he smiled, coming around the counter and placing a plate of pasta in front of her before sitting down next to her with his own dinner. "What time is your doctor's appointment on Friday?" He twirled pasta around his fork.

"Three o'clock. Before you start worrying, Lanie's going to go with me. I will text you the second that I arrive at my appointment and I'll text again when I'm on my way home."

"Are you sure that everything's okay?"

"Everything's fine." Her smile was so bright and happy that Castle had to lean over to kiss her.

"What do you want to do after dinner?" He asked, eating another bite of his dinner.

"I want to relax and watch some mind numbing television."

"We can totally do that. But you did say something earlier today about having your wicked way with me," he reminded her.

"I seem to remember that."

"So, a little mind numbing TV and then a lot of sex?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Or we could just skip the mind numbing TV."

"An excellent idea."

' _Castle! Help me!'_

' _Kate, keep calling for me! Where are you?'_

' _Castle, I'm here!'_

 _The house was huge, by far the largest house Castle had ever been in. The rooms were huge and the hallways were endless. He ran down the hallway, guided by the sound of Kate calling for him. He turned a doorknob and opened the door to a horrifying sight. Kate was being held by a faceless man, who was holding a large knife to her throat. 'I told you to let it go, Castle,' the faceless man warned as he sliced the knife across Kate's throat._

' _NO!'_

Kate felt Castle's desperate hands caressing her bare flesh under her nightshirt, his lips searching hers hungrily. "Castle," she moaned into his mouth, hooking her leg over his hip as his hand moved from her breasts to between her legs. "Rick, it's okay. I'm right here."

The sex was quick and it was explosive. "Kate, I'm sorry," he rolled over onto his back, his breathing ragged. "Are you okay?"

"Castle, I'm okay," she propped herself up on her elbow, reaching over to brush that one stubborn lock of hair from his eyes. "Was it the same dream? The one where you're hunting for me, but can't find me?"

"No," he was quick to shake his head. "This one was different. This time I found you. He was holding a knife to your throat, Kate. He cut your throat and there was nothing that I could do about it."

"It was a nightmare. I'm right here and I'm fine," she took his hand and brought it up under her nightshirt to her heart. "Feel that? I'm okay."

"I didn't wait for you," he rolled so that he was facing her.

"When? Just now? Castle, that's okay," she touched his face. "You needed me and I was here. I was happy to be here. I love you," she bent forward to kiss him softly. "I'll always be here when you need me."

"Don't say that. Don't promise me something that you might not be able to deliver."

"I have a confession to make," she lay down so that she was face to face with her husband. "The reason that I'm going to the doctor on Friday is because I want to see about having my IUD removed."

"You want to have a baby?" His smile was huge.

"I want to put LokSat away and then I want to make a baby with you. So, you see," she slid her hands under his t-shirt, "now we really have a reason to take down that son of a bitch."

"Yes, we do," he kissed her. "But shouldn't you wait until after we put him away before you consider having it removed?"

"Castle, I'm 36 years old. It could take forever to get pregnant. It'll be okay."

***CCC***

"When did your dad make this?" Hayley and Tory were once again standing behind Alexis, who was staring at her computer screen in stunned disbelief.

"I'm not sure. Unlike the other files, there's no time and date stamp on this one."

"He looks like he's been in a fire fight," Hayley commented on Castle's ragged appearance.

They began watching the video file, which caused all three of them to take a collective step back. "Oh my god," Alexis slid her chair back. "My dad never said anything about any of this. He never mentioned being in L.A."

"Well, it might've been during those missing two months," Tory speculated. "It's possible that he doesn't remember being there or making this tape. I think we should call the team back in."

"It's almost midnight," Hayley reminded the other two ladies. "And remember that Chief Gates did tell all of us to go home. Can't we wait a few hours?"

"No," Alexis shook her head. "We can't sit on this. Make the call, Tory."

It was almost one in the morning when everybody arrived back at the precinct. "When I told everybody to go home and decompress, I meant it," Gates told the group.

"We're sorry, sir," Alexis apologized. "We were just going to finish looking at the flash drives with the videos and then we were going to call it a night."

"I take it that you found something big," Esposito guessed.

"Yeah, this is pretty huge. Can I talk to my dad for just a minute first before we go into the conference room?" Alexis looked at her dad and Kate.

"Alexis, what's going on?" Kate asked.

"I just need to talk to him for a minute. Actually, maybe you should come, too."

The three of them went into the breakroom where Castle walked over to make coffee. "What's going on, Alexis?"

"Dad, this file might've been made during those two months when you were missing."

Castle turned around to look at his daughter. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. The time and date stamp is missing, but it appears to have been made while you were missing. I just wanted to give you and Kate a chance to prepare yourselves."

"Alexis, does it have to do with the case?" Kate asked.

"It has everything to do with the case. If you're ready, we should go in and look at it."

Castle busied himself making enough coffee for everybody in the conference room, placing the cups on a tray before heading to the room, with Kate and Alexis trailing behind. After passing the cups around, he sat down with Kate on one side and Alexis on the other. "The time stamp is missing from this file," Tory explained as she clicked on the link. "We think that LokSat removed it so we wouldn't know when it was made."

Kate let out a gasp when Castle's image appeared on the screen. He was haggard and sporting at least two days' worth of beard growth. What was even worse, he was wearing filthy clothes. Kate had never seen him look anything other than neat and well pressed, even when they were around the house doing nothing. "What happened to you?" She whispered as he shrugged.

They turned their attention back to the video feed. After he adjusted the camera angle and the microphone, he began to speak.

' _Hey there, buddy. It's me. And by me, I mean you. And if you're seeing this then you are an idiot because you are trying to figure out what happened to you in Los Angeles.'_

"When was I in L.A.?" Castle mused out loud as the group hushed him. "Sorry."

' _What you discovered about Bracken's partnership with LokSat, it's too dangerous to pursue.'_

"LokSat? I knew about LokSat?"

Alexis noticed Hayley starting to look slightly uncomfortable and wondered what was going on. Before she could think about it further, she turned her attention back to what was being said on the large screen TV.

' _I am barely living proof. I was shot trying to figure out where LokSat's plane was landing tonight. I barely escaped without being identified. I am erasing our mind for a reason. To protect Kate. Because if she found out then she will die. So . . . do not tell her what you discovered in Los Angeles. For her sake.'_

"I don't even know what this means. I was investigating LokSat? I'm the reason Kate's AG team is now dead?" He got up and fled from the room.

"Let me go and talk to him," Kate began to get up to leave the room.

"Kate, hold on," Alexis stopped her with a hand on her arm before looking over at Hayley, who wasn't meeting her eyes. "Hayley, what's going on? I saw your reaction when my dad started watching the video. You knew about this, didn't you? You knew about this whole LokSat situation?"

"It's complicated," Hayley finally replied, facing her audience, all of whom were now looking at her through suspicious eyes.

"We'll try to keep up," Kate said, sitting back down.

"You should probably go and get Rick first," Hayley looked at Kate.

Castle was in the breakroom, staring with unseeing eyes at the soda machine. He jumped when Kate walked into the room. "Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't know—"

"I know. Rick . . . Castle," she reached for his hand, "I need for you to come back into the conference room with me. There's something that Hayley needs to tell you."

Moments later, Kate returned to the conference room with Castle in tow. Hayley waited until they were seated before she began speaking again. "Rick, do you remember the first time that we met?"

"How could I forget? You sucker punched me in the face," Castle remembered meeting Hayley for the first time while he and the boys were searching for Kate.

"No," Hayley shook her head. "No, we'd met before that. A year and a half before, to be precise."

"You mean this whole time you knew?" Realization dawned in Castle's mind as he glared at the woman whom he'd made his assistant. A woman that he now felt that he barely knew. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Hayley. Technically I didn't lie about anything. I . . . misrepresented, sure, but I didn't lie."

"But why?" Castle was trying very hard to understand what Hayley had to do with the video he'd just finished watching.

"Because a year and a half ago you asked me to. In fact, you begged."

"I don't understand."

"Ages ago I did some freelance work for MI-6. And I met an American spy on an op. An older gentleman, very handsome, smart as a whip."

"My father."

Hayley nodded before continuing her tale. "Jackson Hunt. A year and a half ago he called me, asked me to keep an eye on you in L.A. He said that you were sticking your nose where it didn't belong."

"What did he say that I was doing?"

"I didn't ask and he didn't say. But I do know that after your two weeks in Thailand your undercover mission for the CIA was over and you were supposed to go home. But instead you went rogue and you came to L.A. To keep tabs on you I borrowed a GPS tracker from a friend of mine, Malcolm, and I placed it in your watch. But you lost the watch somehow and I lost track of you. And by the time I found you again, you'd been shot in the side."

Kate remembered the scar on his side. He'd explained that he'd gotten shot, but he couldn't remember when or how. "Who shot him?" She now asked.

"Castle didn't say. However, you did mention your CIA handler. A guy named Jenkins. And you said that you were going to go and ask him to erase everything that had happened to you in L.A."

"But that doesn't sound like me. I'm curious by nature. Why would I do that?"

"Because they threatened my life," Kate's voice was low.

"I suppose that's the reason," Hayley agreed.

"But that doesn't explain why you stuck around. It doesn't explain why you came to work for me."

"Because I'm fond of you, Rick. And I adore your daughter," she smiled at Alexis. "And after a lifetime of caring about nobody but myself I decided to stick around and keep an eye on you two."

"The stuff that I was saying about LokSat's plane? Do you know what it means?"

"Yes. You tracked LokSat. If we can cross reference airports and identify what airplane landed the night that you were shot, then we have a real chance of finding out who LokSat really is."

"But how are we going to do that? We don't know when this video was made. I don't know when I was shot!" Castle was rapidly becoming agitated.

"Maybe Lanie can help us with that. If she could give us an estimated age of the gunshot wound, then we can go back a few days or forward a few days."

"Beckett, when Castle was found, you had Lanie treat him like a murder victim. She documented everything," Ryan told Kate.

"I was shot in L.A.," Castle clenched Kate's hand so tightly that she gasped, forcing him to release her, giving her an apologetic look in the process. "At some point I was in Thailand, but I don't know how many days I was there."

"Let me call Lanie and have her send the files over," Kate got up and quickly left the room.

"I never meant to put her in danger," Castle dropped his head into his hands. "That's what my nightmares mean."

"What do you mean, dad?"

"In my nightmares, Henry Jenkins keeps saying that he told me to just let it go. That's what he was talking about. I don't even know how I learned about LokSat. Excuse me," he stood up. "I'm going to go and check on Kate."

Kate was at her old desk, talking on her cell phone when Castle came out of the conference room. "Thanks, Lanie. I'd really appreciate it. I'm sorry for the late night call. Apparently the girls were burning the midnight oil. Tomorrow morning is fine," she ended the call before throwing her cell on her desk and looking at Castle.

"Kate, I'm so sorry."

"You do things to protect me and I do things to protect you. I don't think that's ever going to end. It's late. Lanie said she will retrieve her files first thing in the morning. Let's go and tell the others."

After telling the group that Lanie would be there at eight in the morning with her files, they all agreed that it was time to call it a night. "For real this time, people. Let's all go home to our families," Gates ushered everybody out of the precinct and into cars or cabs for the journey home.

Kate, Castle, and Alexis wearily got into her car and she drove them to the loft. "Good work tonight, Alexis," Kate hugged the young woman when they walked into the apartment. "I'm very impressed. Now, go upstairs and get some sleep."

"I will," Alexis returned the huge before turning to her father and giving him a tight hug. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Pumpkin."

Kate walked into the bedroom and undressed before collapsing in the middle of the bed, laughing giddily when she felt Castle fall beside her. "I'm so tired right now that I feel like I'm drunk."

"Do you think it's almost over?" He asked her.

"Not quite, but I'm beginning to see a light at the end a very long tunnel."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I wish that I remembered what happened—"

"Stop," she hushed him. "We'll see what Lanie has to say tomorrow . . . later this morning. Then we'll put Tory and Ryan to work on the airlines. Maybe we can get some additional manpower. I'll talk to Gates."

***CCC***

"We're here and I brought pastries!" Castle announced when he, Kate, and Alexis stepped off of the elevator shortly before eight.

"How did everybody sleep?" Chief Gates asked.

"I didn't," Ryan rubbed his face. "Nicholas is colicky and he was awake all night."

"I'm telling you, bro, noise cancelling headphones," Esposito informed his partner.

"Have you ever tried sleeping in those things?" Ryan shot back.

"All right, gentlemen," Gates put a stop to the bickering. "Let's all retire to the conference room. Dr. Parish is waiting for us."

"Morning, Lanie," Kate greeted her best friend when they walked into the conference room moments later.

"I brought bear claws, Lanie," Castle grinned at her.

"Well, I brought a PowerPoint presentation that's all about you, Writer Boy. If everybody's here, we can begin." Lanie brought up the slide show and clicked on the first slide. "Castle, you were taken on May 12, 2014, and you were found drifting at sea on July 16, 2014. Those are the only facts that we know for sure. Kate asked me to treat you and your belongings as if you were a case, so that's what I did. Here are the things that are undisputed facts." She clicked on the next slide. "When I was going through your clothes, I found a key sewed into your pants. The key corresponded to a safe deposit box from a bank in Montreal."

"The bank where Alexis and I found the SD cards," Castle remembered.

"Exactly. Our assumption is that you sewed the key into your pants in case your body was found. Next," she clicked on the next slide, "I examined the pictures that I took of your injuries. I also got the blood that had been taken from you at the hospital. I learned that you were carrying antibodies for dengue fever. We have yet to figure out where you contracted dengue fever, so there's still a huge question mark there. I examined the pictures of your bullet wound and I also checked you out in person—"

"Yes, I remember," Castle grinned.

"Based on the amount of healing, I estimated that the wound was anywhere from 14 to 20 days old."

"So, based on that, I was in Los Angeles the last part of June or the beginning of July."

"That sounds about right to me," Lanie agreed.

"I'll notify the D.A. and see if I can get LAX to release their flight schedules for all flights coming into Los Angeles from around June 20 to July 10. Does everybody agree with that range?" Gates looked around the room at the group.

"Those dates sound good to me," Kate said.

"If you can get the warrant, I'll assist Tory," Ryan offered.

"Thank you, Detective Ryan. Let me make some phone calls."

Lanie shut down her PowerPoint presentation and removed the flash drive from the computer. "Kate, do you still want me to come with you this afternoon?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'll meet you here at two o'clock then," Lanie hugged Kate before leaving the room.

"What's wrong?" Kate noticed the look on Castle's face after everybody else had left the room.

"I'm just feeling nervous and scared and excited all at the same time."

"Me, too. I hope that we can take all of them down, Castle. Caleb, Rita, Flynn, all of them. One of them has to be LokSat."

"Or, all of them. It could be an organization of some kind."

Pulling some strings, Chief Gates was able to get the New York District Attorney to speak with the Los Angeles D.A. to get the flights coming into Los Angeles during that three-week period of time. Ryan was in the computer room with Tory, who was typing like mad into the computer. "I've got the flights and the planes cross-matched with the names of all of our suspects. With any luck, something will pop."

"Now we sit and wait," Ryan sat back in his chair as Tory nodded.

***CCC***

"Kate, is everything all right? You're not due for your yearly checkup for another few months," Dr. George O'Malley smiled at his patient.

"Castle and I have been talking about starting a family. How long will it take me to get pregnant once I have my IUD removed?" 

"It's not an exact science, Kate. Some women get pregnant fairly quickly once a contraceptive device is removed and with others, it can take several months; even years. I'm guessing that you want me to remove yours?"

"Yeah, I do," she smiled.

***CCC***

Castle was frantically pacing the living room, waiting for Kate to return home. Alexis watched him from the sofa. "Dad, she texted you and said she'll be here in 15 minutes. She's fine."

"We don't know that, Alexis," he turned toward his daughter. "LokSat has assassin squads all over the place. They're just looking for one of us to let our guard down."

At that moment, Kate walked into the loft; followed by LT. "I knew that you'd be worried. I called LT after I sent Lanie home from my doctor's office. I figured that LokSat wouldn't dare fuck with him."

"Well, they did shoot me early on," LT said, patting his left arm. "I had to see her home safe and sound, Castle."

"Thanks, LT," Castle shook the man's hand. "I owe you one. Let me call my car service—"

"No, I'm good. I'll see you tomorrow."

Kate let LT out of the apartment before walking into Castle's arms. She could feel him shaking as he held her. "I'm okay, Castle. In fact, I'm really good," she pulled away to smile at him.

"All systems are go?" His eyes were huge as she smiled and nodded.

But his smile disappeared when both of their phones buzzed, signaling text messages. They both read their phone screens and then looked at each other with huge eyes. The message was from Ryan. **'THE PLANE BELONGED TO RITA O'HARA. RITA O'HARA IS LOKSAT!'**

 **A/N #5: Part I is coming to an end in another three or four chapters. But the journey is just getting started.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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 **Facebook: Wylie dot Cindy at Yahoo dot com**


	16. Endgame

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: Castle and Beckett take down LokSat with tragic consequences.**

 **A/N #1: I have no intention of writing a chapter that recaps the events that occurred in 8x22 'Crossfire.' However, there were a couple of scenes that I did like and I will use spoilers for those scenes. There will be spoilers for those scenes that I did like. The end result is going to be the same. Nothing will change in that respect. And this chapter is going to be ginormous. I have also changed things slightly from the way that I wrote them in my post 8x22 story 'Miracles.'**

 **A/N #2: This is far from the final chapter. I have a lot more story to tell.**

 **A/N #3: There will be a time jump in this chapter.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 16: Endgame**

 _Sunday, May 15, 2016 – 8:00 a.m._

It had been almost two months since the night Caleb Brown had given Kate the burner phone with the instructions regarding LokSat. Kate and Castle had gone to Astor Park twice, but they'd never received a phone call from their nemesis. They were all sitting around the conference table planning their next move. "Why do you think you never got instructions?" Esposito asked.

"They're onto us," Kate stated simply, tossing the useless burner phone into the middle of the table.

"Capt. Beckett, if you're thinking about drawing them out, I suggest you think again," Chief Gates warned. "These people have clearly proven that they're not even close to the same league as Tyson, Bracken, or anybody else you've come across in your career."

"We know that Rita O'Hara is LokSat—"

"How do we know that for a fact?" Castle brought up. "Nothing in this case has been what it appears to be."

"Mr. Castle is right," Gates agreed. "They know we're looking into their organization. All of you need to watch your backs. That goes for your families. Let's all take care of each other and be careful."

"Yes, sir," everybody in the room said.

***CCC***

 _Sunday, May 15, 2016 – 10 a.m._

In another conference room across town, another strategy session was taking place. "Kate Beckett and Richard Castle are becoming a nuisance," Mason Wood stood up and began walking around the room. "I want that nuisance eliminated. I want that nuisance eliminated _yesterday_. Mr. Mr. Flynn, I want you to bring Mr. Castle to me. I don't care how you do it as long as you deliver him to me alive and unharmed. Is that understood?"

"Perfectly."

"What about Kate Beckett?" Caleb Brown spoke up.

"Don't worry about Kate Beckett. I've already got a plan in place for our nosy detective," Wood said.

"If the late Senator Bracken had done his job, none of this would be an issue now. Hey, I'm just sayin'," Caleb said defensively when Wood shot him a dirty look.

***CCC***

 _Sunday, May 15, 2016 – 11:35 p.m._

Kate was laying on her back, staring at the ceiling, watching shadows pass over each other. She was just too stressed out to sleep. The stress of the past several weeks was beginning to catch up with her. The last several mornings she'd awakened nauseous. She needed to relax. If she didn't stay on top of her game, LokSat was going to take them down instead of the other way around.

She glanced over at Castle, who was sound asleep, his face smashed into the pillow. There weren't enough words to describe how much she loved him. When her memory started returning, she fell harder than ever for him. Losing him was a totally unacceptable option. It was unthinkable. She edged closer to him, smiling when she felt his arm reach out to pull her closer. "What's wrong?" His voice was adorably sleepy.

"Nothing. I just can't sleep. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Kate?" He sat up and switched on the lamp, causing both of them to squint against the sudden influx of light. "Talk to me. What's going on? It's all right to admit that you're scared. Hell, I'm scared, too."

"I love you," her voice was tremulous. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he reached for her, feeling her melt against him. "We're going to get him, Kate. And when we do, do you know the first thing that we're going to do?"

"No," her voice was muffled against his chest. "What?"

"I'm going to take you to Paris. We'll take long walks along the Seine and then I'll take you to ridiculously expensive restaurants where I'll order for you in badly mangled French."

"I can help you out in that department, Castle."

"Of course you can. I forgot that I married a multi-linguist."

"But I do like it when you order for me. So, I'll let you mangle the language of love to order me dinner. Can we leave the day after we take them down?"

"We can leave that night if you want to."

"I'd like that."

"We should get some sleep. We have to get up early in the morning and try to take down bad guys," he gently laid her down on her pillows before lying down beside her and curling his body around her, his touch gradually lulling her into slumber.

 _Monday, May 16, 2016 – 5:45 a.m._

It was the feel of her body atop his that woke Castle the next morning before the alarm went off. Her warm lips on his, her hands feeling, seeking, groping. Making love to Kate early in the morning was just too irresistible to pass up. Neither of them had any idea that in just over 24 hours, all of their lives would be changed forever.

 _6:15 a.m._

It was Alexis who came downstairs first. She smiled at the sound of giggling coming from her father's bedroom. Well, giggling and other sounds that the young woman tried to block out of her mind. Instead, she focused on getting coffee brewed because she knew that her dad and Kate would come stumbling out of the bedroom at any moment. She picked up her cell and texted Hayley, getting a list of things that needed to be taken care of at the P.I. office for the day. She didn't have to wait long for a response. **'Bloody hell, Alexis. I've barely had my first cup of coffee and you're wanting a 'to do' list. Just get in here. I'm sure there's plenty to do. Is your dad coming in or is he going to be at the precinct with Kate?'**

' **He has a meeting at Black Pawn. After that, he's going to the precinct. It's just you and me, kid.'**

' **Great. Now she's quoting Bogart. See you in a tick.'**

"Good morning, pumpkin," Castle exited the bedroom in his bathrobe, looking disheveled.

"Morning, dad. You're looking cheerful this morning," she couldn't help teasing as she handed two cups of coffee to him. "You can take that to Kate in the shower."

"I think you said it best when you said that we share far too much in this family," he gave his daughter a look before walking back toward his bedroom.

"Yeah, but I'm not a child anymore. And I said that to Grams, not you," she called after him.

After their shower, Castle watched Kate get dressed. "Are you going to get dressed or not? You did say that you have an early morning meeting with Gina."

"I don't wanna go," Castle grumbled, sounding more like a three-year-old than a grown man.

"I know that you don't," she sat beside him on the bed, patting his knee. "But you need money if you're going to take me to Paris and buy me dinner at all of those ridiculously expensive restaurants that you promised me last night."

"Okay. I'll go," he pouted. "I won't like it, but I'll go."

"That's my adorable man-child," she kissed him on the cheek.

In a room across town, Mr. Mr. Flynn looked at his cell phone and then at Mason Wood, a grin splitting his face in two. "It seems that Mr. Castle has arranged for his car service to take him to a meeting with his publisher. I have intercepted and will be his driver for today. I can deliver him to you here in an hour or so."

"No," Wood shook his head. "He needs to make that meeting with his publisher. The last thing that we want or need is for someone to start asking questions if he fails to show up. Find out what Mr. Castle's plans are for afterwards. Then you can deliver him here to me. That will give me time to get our lovely, but extremely nosy police detective and deal with her once and for all. Make sure you have everything ready when you get Mr. Castle here. We can't afford any slip-ups."

"Don't worry. There won't be any."

"Don't say that, Mr. Mr. Flynn. We've already underestimated Kate Beckett and Richard Castle. I don't plan on making that mistake again."

Back at the loft, Castle and Kate were getting ready to leave the loft to start their days. "My car will be picking me up in 15 minutes. I can arrange for him to drop you at the precinct."

"There's no need," Kate grabbed her bag. "I've got to pick up Ryan and I'm dropping Alexis off at the P.I. office, so I'll take my car. I don't want you to miss your meeting with Gina."

"Okay. Hopefully my meeting won't take too long, so I'll meet you at the precinct in a couple of hours or so. Please don't leave the precinct without the boys."

"I won't. Text me when you're leaving Black Pawn."

"I will. You ladies be careful."

"We will," Kate kissed him. "I'll see you soon. Alexis, are you ready?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Alexis kissed her father on the cheek before all three of them left the loft for their respective destinations.

 _8:00 a.m._

Castle walked outside to where his driver was standing beside the black Lincoln Town Car. He noticed nothing unusual about the driver as he climbed into the back of the car. "Would you like for me to wait for you after I drop you off, Mr. Castle?" The driver asked politely as he got behind the wheel and put the car into gear.

"I'm not sure how long my meeting will last. I can call you when I'm ready to leave. I'm meeting up with my wife after my meeting."

"And where would that be, sir?"

"The Twelfth Precinct."

"Very well, sir. Just text me when you're ready to leave and I'll pick you up."

"Thank you . . . I'm sorry, but I didn't catch your name."

Knowing that he'd given Kate his name and that she'd undoubtedly told it to her team, Mr. Flynn had to think fast on his feet. "Charles, sir."

"Thank you, Charles. And there's no need for you to call me 'sir.' You can call me Rick or Castle."

"Of course, Rick."

***CCC***

 _8:35 a.m._

"Where's Castle?" Gates asked when Kate stepped off of the elevator with Ryan.

"He had a meeting with his publisher. He should be here later this morning or early this afternoon. Why? Is something wrong?"

"No. I just want to know where all of you are given the gravity of this whole LokSat situation."

"That's why I sent Jenny and the kids to Flushing to stay with her folks until we take down this dirtbag," Ryan walked toward his desk.

"Ryan, I'm sorry," Kate followed him.

"I don't blame you. I hate that all of this has happened. If it were just me, I wouldn't worry as much. But having a family makes you rethink everything you ever thought you knew about yourself."

"I don't sleep much and neither does Rick. When we're away from each other, we're constantly texting and making sure that we keep in contact. The same thing goes for Alexis."

"Yeah, I saw you when you dropped her off. How you waited until she was inside and then waited while she texted you that she was safe in the office with Hayley. I find myself doing that with Sarah Grace when I take her to preschool, even though she's far too young for a cell phone."

"And I know that when she texted me, she also texted her dad."

"Speaking of dad's, how is yours?"

"Right now, my father is in Phoenix working on a case. He's not due back for at least another two weeks. Hopefully we can take LokSat down before he ever even has to hear about it."

"He doesn't know anything about it?"

"Just what I've told him. I haven't told him how involved it is. He was freaked out enough when I got shot and then when I took down Bracken. He worries about me enough. I didn't see the need to add more worry to him."

"I haven't told Jenny anything, either. I've just told her that I'm working a heavy case and I'd feel better if she was in Flushing with her family. But she knows. Our loved ones always do."

Kate glanced at her phone, wishing that she would hear something from Castle. But she knew that he kept his phone on silent when he was with Gina. His ex-wife had made it clear that she didn't like him receiving calls or texts from his current wife when he was in a business meeting. She had a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. A feeling that she couldn't shake. A feeling of impending doom.

 _11 a.m._

Castle's meeting with Gina lasted just under two hours. When he finally stepped out into the May sunshine, he was feeling out of sorts and couldn't wait to be reunited with Kate. Charles, his driver for the day, was waiting for him, as promised. "I hope that your meeting went well," he said, opening the back door of the car for Castle.

"As well as can be expected, I guess. Considering that my publisher and my ex-wife are one and the same," Castle said as Charles once again got behind the wheel.

"That must make for some awkward business meetings," Charles said, removing a CD from a case on the seat beside him. "You don't mind if I play some music, do you? I find that music relaxes me when I'm dealing with Manhattan traffic."

"As long as it's not rap, I have no problems."

"Pardon me for saying this, but I don't classify rap as music."

"We're in agreement on that point," Castle smiled.

When the song started though, Castle was about to tell his driver that he didn't consider anything by The Brady Bunch as music, either. 'To each his own,' he thought, taking out his phone to text Kate that he was on his way.

"Don't you just love this song?" Mr. Flynn smiled as 'Sunshine Day' by The Brady Bunch began playing.

 _11:27 a.m._

' **Kate, my meeting with publisher took longer than expected. Alexis left a msg. saying she needs me at office. Talk to you soon.'**

Kate read the message once again before sighing and shoving her phone across her desk. She was still deep in thought when Chief Gates tapped on her door. Kate smiled and motioned her former captain inside. "No Mr. Castle yet?" She asked, taking a seat in the chair in front of Kate's desk.

"His meeting ran long and then he got a text from Alexis saying that something had come up at the office. Why? Are you missing him?" Kate teased.

"No, not at all. I just know that his not being here is making you nervous. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just a feeling that I can't shake. That feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. We've been together constantly for the last five months. I was thinking about it earlier and we haven't been apart for more than an hour since I walked back into this precinct that night. He told me about when you had to ban him from the precinct. That must've made you happy."

"If it had happened a year earlier, my answer would've been an unequivocal 'yes.' But I'd come to see him as a valuable member of the team, much like you did. Believe me when I tell you that kicking him out of the precinct that night was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was glad when I was able to unban him a couple of months later."

"When he took down Tyson," Kate smiled. "Castle told me the whole story. I still don't remember killing Kelly Nieman and I hope that I never do. Some things are better off not being remembered."

"You're worried about him, Kate," Gates pushed her phone back to her. "Call and see how long he's going to be."

Kate stared at her phone for a second before hitting his name in her contacts. 'You've reached the voicemail of Richard Castle. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.' "It's going straight to voicemail," she said, waiting for the beep. "Castle, it's me. Call and let me know how much longer you're going to be. We can order lunch for everybody. I'll talk to you soon. I love you."

 _11:31 a.m._

"I've got Castle," Mr. Flynn looked in the rearview mirror at his passenger passed out across the seat. "I'm on my way. I should be there in half an hour."

"Were there any problems?"

"Not a one. He went out like a light. I sent a dummy text to Beckett."

"Good work. I'll see you soon."

 _3:00 p.m._

Castle awakened to find himself strapped to a table, his arms straight out at his sides. His eyes were blurry, but he was soon able to focus on the man approaching him. There was something vaguely familiar to him, but his fuzzy brain couldn't make the connection. "Ah, good. Awake and alert, I see," Mr. Flynn's voice was surprisingly cheerful.

Castle recognized his voice as the one belonging to his driver from that morning. He also realized that he was in a great deal of trouble.

"Who are you?" He finally managed to ask.

"Does it matter? I understand that, as a writer, the naming of a thing would seem to be of paramount importance, but trust me. My name is the least consequential thing for you to know right now."

"It's an embarrassing name, isn't it? Like _A Boy Named Sue_? Maybe your mother named you Doofus."

"I was named by the state. But for operational purposes, I'm known as Mr. Mr. Flynn. And I've been entrusted with your interrogation. By the time we're done you will have revealed the names of everyone who knows about LokSat."

Now Castle knew that he was dealing with the man who'd been holding Kate. He recognized him from the sketch on the whiteboard. "So you can kill them?" Castle laughed derisively. "I'm not betraying them. I don't care how many thumbscrews you put to me."

"Oh no, I don't believe in torture. Science is much more effective. And the company is making great leaps in the field of chemical truth agents."

With that, Mr. Flynn turned and pulled over an IV line. He wiped Castle's arm down with an antiseptic wipe before sticking in a needle, smiling when Castle flinched. "Within an hour, you will tell me everything I want to know. And then you will die." He turned on the IV drip. "Now, tell me honestly. Was knowing my name really that important?"

 _6:30 p.m._

Kate was torn between going over to the P.I. office and ripping Castle a new one for not calling her back or organizing a search party for him. He knew that she hated worrying about him. She had left several messages and he had yet to call her back. Just as she was about to go out to get the boys, her phone rang. "Castle?" She answered instantly, not checking the number. She just assumed that it would be him.

"No, it's Mason Wood. I was Vikram—"

"I know who you are, Mr. Wood. What can I do for you?"

"I think I might have a lead that can help you."

"What kind of a lead?" Kate's radar instantly went up. She was thinking how strange this call was coming when Castle was nowhere to be found.

"A source that I worked with back in the early 'ought's. He's a facilitator for extralegal intelligence operations. If anyone knows the dark side of the CIA, it's him."

"Good. Then we'll go see him."

"No, no. Not we. Me."

"No, Mr. Wood—"

"This guy's default setting is early 70's conspiracy thriller. He won't talk to you. Hell, he might not even talk to me."

"Mr. Wood, this is my fight and you're not going to know the right questions to ask. I have to be there."

"All right. Meet me in an hour at the corner of Grand and East Broadway."

Kate hung up and looked at her phone. Hesitating for only a second, she grabbed her gun, tucking it into her waistband. She looked out of her office window at her team; her boys for a few seconds before slipping out of her office and out of the precinct.

 _6:40 p.m._

"Correct dosage is the key," Mr. Flynn commented, checking Castle's pulse. "Just enough to compromise the central cortex and the parietal lobe. Too much and well," he laughed gleefully, as Castle's eyes dilated in fear, "let's just say forgetting to breathe is kind of a drag." Castle continued watching him, so Mr. Flynn continues speaking. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"No."

"As I said, I was raised by the state. I never had a family growing up. I never knew love in the way that you so clearly do."

"Well, then, why don't you unstrap me and I'll come give you a big hug?" Castle's answer was biting in its sarcasm.

"I've read your files. You were an incorrigible playboy before you met Katherine Beckett. What changed?"

"I fell in love with her," Castle answered simply.

"Why?"

"Because I've never met anyone like her."

"Well, you've never met anyone like me."

"Yeah, but you don't have the legs. Or the eyes. Or the brains or the heart. Beckett makes me laugh. She challenges me. I became a better man . . . why am I telling you this?" Mr. Flynn's eyes motion toward the IV drip. "Right."

"But these feelings make you vulnerable. Surely you must see that."

"What's the alternative? To be like you? A man, alone, without empathy?"

"She's the reason you are on this table. If you never met her you'd most likely have a very long life ahead of you. Surely you would take a do-over, if offered."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Hmm. Interesting."

"She's going to find you," Castle warned. "You and LokSat, and she's going to bury you both. And I can't tell a lie, right?" He gave a goofy, drug-induced grin. But he's proud of his faith in his bad-ass wife. His bad-ass Beckett.

"Yes. But the fact that you believe it does not make it the truth. Kate Beckett is going to be dead by the end of the night and there is nothing you can do about it."

That bit of news was clearly terrifying to Castle causing Mr. Mr. Flynn to inwardly delight at his prisoner's change of demeanor.

 _7:00 p.m._

"Beckett?" Ryan pops his head into Kate's office, only to find it empty. "Espo, have you seen Beckett?"

"Maybe she's in the ladies room," Espo suggests.

Ryan was about to argue that point when his cell phone rang. He recognizes Alexis' number and answers on the first ring. "Alexis? Hey, what's going on?"

"Ryan, have you seen or talked to my dad today?"

"No, I haven't talked to him since last night. Why?"

"He had a meeting with Gina at Black Pawn this morning and then he said that he was going to meet Kate at the precinct. I've been calling and texting him for the last two hours to see if he's going to pick me up or if I should get a cab home. His voicemail is full, Kevin. He never lets his voicemail get full."

"Alexis, I'm going to put you on speaker." After putting his phone on speaker, he then placed the phone on his desk. By now, Esposito and Gates are beside his desk. "Is Martha with you?"

"Yes, Hayley and my grandmother are both here. Is Kate there?"

"I'll check the ladies restroom," Gates said, walking in that direction.

"What time did his meeting end?" Ryan asked.

"Gina said he walked out right before eleven."

"And he told you that he was coming here?" 

"Yes."

"Alexis, stay where you are. We'll find your dad, I promise. But stay at the P.I. office until either me, Espo or Chief Gates contacts you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Alexis' voice sounded frightened. "Does Loksat have him?"

"We don't know." Ryan ended the call and looked at Espo. "He told Alexis he was coming here after his meeting at Black Pawn."

"We need to call his car service and find out who picked him up this morning."

"Beckett's gone," Gates announced. "I'll see if I can get Tory to track her phone."

 _7:08 p.m._

"Thanks for sharing your personal feelings. They've given me some real insight," Mr. Flynn glanced at his watch.

"You know, you don't have to do this. Clearly you're looking for something more."

"Oh. No. You misunderstand me. I'm not yearning for a happy family. Simply insight on how to dissect one. Now, time to get down to business."

Castle is startled when Mr. Mr. Flynn began raising the table to a standing position. "Look, um . . . maybe I could make a quick trip to the little boy's room before we get started with any more questions."

"Oh, I won't be asking the hard questions."

"Who will?"

"My boss," Mr. Mr. Flynn looked at Castle as if he were quite stupid. "The man you call LokSat."

Mr. Mr. Flynn leaves and moments later Castle hears another set of footsteps. The man who suddenly appears at his side is balding, in his late 60's or early 70's. Castle realizes that he matches the description of the man known as Mason Wood, the man Ryan and Esposito had questioned regarding Vikram. "Surprise," the man smiled benignly.

"You're LokSat?" Castle was stunned. "But the plane belonged to Rita—"

"A red herring, my dear boy. Surely, as a writer, you know all about red herrings."

"Rita? Is she dead?"

"No, she's still very much alive. She's also not really your stepmother, but I'm sure that you've already figured that out. Now, I need to find out who else knows about my existence before I kill you and your lovely wife. So, let's get right to it because I have to meet your wife in," he checks his watch, "just a few minutes. Mr. Mr. Flynn, is he ready?"

"Yes, sir," Mr. Mr. Flynn answers like a prized student who has just made his favorite teacher very proud.

"All right, then. Truth time. Who knows about me? Beckett, obviously. And of course, the unfortunate late Mr. Singh. What about Hayley Shipton?"

"Yes," Castle fights to contain his composure.

"Detectives Ryan and Esposito?"

"Yes."

"And what about your mother?"

The question tears Castle apart. His body shakes as he tears up. "Yes."

"Ah," Mason mocks his sadness. "Your daughter?"

Castle can no longer contain his emotions. Tears swell up in his eyes and roll down his face unabashedly. "Yes," his voice is barely audible.

"Yes. Ah. Anyone else?"

"No."

"Good. That will be a weight off my shoulders, once everyone has been neutralized."

"Don't do this. Please."

"There is no shame in losing, Mr. Castle. Only in the hubris that made you think this could end any other way."

With that, Mason turned to leave, leaving only Mr. Flynn in the room with a heartbroken Castle. "That was difficult to watch. I'm sure you're finding it hard to live with yourself. It's understandable. Knowing what's coming next for your loved ones." Mr. Flynn switched to a different IV bag. "This will end your pain. This will end everything."

 _7:30 p.m._

"Guys, I found something!" Tory's excitement was contagious. "I was unable to track Castle's cell phone, but I was able to track the chip in that fancy credit card Alexis told me about. He's in the CIA building."

"You've got to be kidding," Gates said. "We're not going to get in there without a warrant."

"Sir, forgive me for saying this, but there are times when you just have to take things by force," Espo's voice was rough with anger and emotion. "It's becoming very clear that LokSat has Castle. Beckett's disappearance is telling me that she got a call from someone. They're both going to die if we don't get them back."

"If you can wait just a few minutes, I'll get us some help," Gates started to walk away.

"Sir, who are you going to call?" Ryan called after her.

"The fucking cavalry."

 _7:32 p.m._

"What, no alcohol swab this time?" Castle smirked when he saw Mr. Flynn preparing to put another needle in his arm.

"No need. This stuff will kill you in about twelve seconds."

"Or – and just go with me on this – we could just skip it. There's no reason this has to end in tragedy."

"Everything ends in tragedy," Mr. Flynn's voice was completely without affect. "Even an epic love story like yours."

Castle begins to struggle as Mr. Flynn prepares to start the IV flowing. At that moment, the cavalry arrived. In his head, Castle swore that he could even hear the trumpet coronation in his head when Ryan, Esposito, and Chief Gates burst through the door. "NYPD! Hands in the air! Now!" Ryan demanded, his gun pointed at Mr. Flynn's chest.

"Of course," Mr. Flynn's voice remained calm. "Just let me turn this—"

"Ryan!" Castle shouted a warning at his friend.

Firing his gun, Ryan's shot hits Mr. Flynn in the hand. Castle uses the opportunity to free the needle from his arm. "Mason Wood is LokSat. Rita was a red herring. Wood has Kate. I don't know where he's taking her," Castle released himself from his restraints.

Mr. Flynn begins laughing when Espo attempts to call for backup. "This building is a block site. All cell and radio communications are jammed."

"Castle, we need to go! Grab him and let's move!"

"No!" Castle grabs Mr. Flynn by his shirt collar. "Where's Mason taking Beckett to kill her?"

"I have no idea."

"We'll see," Castle grabs the needle at the end of the IV bag containing the truth serum and jabs it into Mr. Flynn's arm. "I sure hope I get the correct dosage, because forgetting to breathe can be such a drag. Now, you're going to tell me everything I want to know."

At that exact moment, Kate was standing on the corner of her appointed meeting place, waiting for Mason Wood. She saw a black Ford Explorer approaching. "Capt. Beckett?" He called out of the lowered window. "I'm Mason Wood. Hop in."

Kate got in and closed the door. Wood began driving down the street. "Where are we going?"

"Just around the corner. I have to say that you and Mr. Castle have quite the bond. Quite unusual in your line of work."

"Yeah, well, I'm crazy for him. He's the love of my life." Looking at the man sitting beside her, realization suddenly dawned on her like a bright light. She didn't know how she knew, but she knew that this was it. The end game. She was sitting in a vehicle with LokSat. She also knew that this evening was going to probably end with somebody dead.

Wood pulled into the parking garage of the CIA Building. "Here we are," he announced, parking his vehicle as they both exited and walked toward the entrance.

"So, who is this guy we're meeting?"

"Oh, he's sort of a Milo Minderbinder. Owes me for retrieving some things that were stolen from him. He's going to meet us down here. I told him you were coming. You better let me do all the talking in the—"

Kate entered the opened door ahead of him and removed her gun from her waistband, training it on her companion when he turned from the closed door. "Pull your gun out of your pocket. Two fingers, put it on the ground." She braced herself when Mason stepped forward. "Knock it off. I know it's you. Now, gun! On the floor. Nice and slow."

Mason smiles, dropping his gun as he reaches into his pocket. "I was, uh, worried that you might be too smart for this."

"What's in your pocket?"

"Oh, this is just insurance." He pressed a button and Kate's gun flew out of her hands, adhering to the ceiling before he retrieves his from the ground. "See, mine is made of plastic, so it's unaffected by the electromagnetic in the ceiling. And I'm afraid I have some more bad news for you. Your husband's dead."

Kate feels the panic welling up inside of her, but she struggles to keep it together in front of her enemy. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. He died about the same time I was picking you up. As a matter of fact, his body is in the furnace there behind you, being reduced to a few pounds of ashes." He watches Beckett glance toward the furnace, unsure of whether she's being told the truth or whether this is all a bluff. "I think it's very fitting that your lives together end in fire, don't you?"

"I'm not going in there without a fight."

"That's very brave of you. But there won't be much of a fight." He pointed his gun at her.

Suddenly, like a mirage Kate heard the voice of the man she'd just been told was dead. "Drop the gun!" Castle shouted, his gun pointed at Wood's head. "Drop it or I will kill you!"

"Castle, stand back!" Kate shouted, but too late, as Wood pressed the button, sending Castle's gun to the ceiling alongside hers.

But her warning causes Wood to remove his attention from her, giving her a chance to strike. She kicks out at his knees, dropping him to the floor. She then places a well-placed kick to his head, knocking him out. She kicked his gun clear before running into Castle's arms. "Are you all right?" She whispered as he clung to her.

"I'm okay. How about you?"

"I'm terrific," she pulled back, smiling as she kissed him.

"Castle! Beckett!" She could hear Gates voice calling out for them.

"We're down here!" Kate called back. "We have LokSat!"

Suddenly the room filled with cops. "Mason Wood is LokSat?" Espo looked at the man who was now stirring on the floor. At a look from Kate, he ran over and quickly cuffed him before hauling him to his feet.

"Make sure you read him his rights," Kate called after them.

"Are you two all right?" Gates asked.

"Yeah, we're okay."

"Castle, you need to call Alexis and let her know that you're all right. She called earlier worried sick about you." Ryan informed his friends.

"Call her. Let her know that we're all safe again," Kate smiled at him.

 _11:00 p.m._

"Meanwhile, in a dramatic scene, local and federal law enforcement officials descended on a federal building in Midtown tonight, rescuing several police officers and arresting almost a dozen people," the newscaster began his late night broadcast.

"Son of a bitch!" Caleb Brown screamed at the TV, throwing a full glass of Scotch at the screen, shattering both the glass and the TV screen. "Fucking Kate Beckett and Richard Castle! Fuck both of you! You're going to fucking pay!"

 _7:00 a.m._

It had been a long tiring night, full of press conferences and interviews with both print and television media. Everybody had been running on pure adrenaline up to this point. But now, just as the sun was beginning to rise over the city, exhaustion began catching up with most of the team.

"You did great work, Beckett. You two, Mr. Castle. You were both extremely careless, as usual, but the end result was worth it," Gates informed them. "You'll both be pleased to hear that Rita O'Hara was picked up at JFK attempting to board a flight to Argentina."

"The land of no extradition," Kate shook her head. "What about Caleb Brown? Has he been picked up?"

"Officers went to his apartment, but he wasn't there. At this point, I don't feel that he's a threat. You took out all of the major players, Beckett. It's time to relax," Gates took Kate's hand and squeezed it. "It's time for both of you to relax."

"Let's go home and make reservations for Paris, Kate."

"Hey, Beckett?" Espo walked over to them. "How long before the CIA connection comes out?"

"Not long," Kate answered. "It's too big a story for the agency to bury."

"Get ready for hearings out the wazoo," Ryan joined them.

"Yeah," Kate agreed.

"Anyway, we're going to a bar to celebrate. Castle, are you and Beckett coming with us?"

"No," Castle shook his head before looking at Kate. "We're going to go home to celebrate and then I'm booking us a flight to Paris."

"Yo, Hayley!" Ryan called out. "Are you and Alexis joining us?"

"Ryan, it's seven in the morning," Hayley reminded him.

Esposito shrugged. "It's New York City."

"Yeah," Ryan nodded in agreement.

"Kate!" Lanie came off of the elevator, striding toward her and Castle. "I'm going to yell at you later, but for now I'm just glad that you're okay."

"Thank you," Kate hugs her best friend.

"Hey, Lanie! Are you coming?" Espo calls out. "We're going to go and celebrate."

"See ya," Lanie turns to go, waving at Kate.

"Bye," Kate laughs, waving back.

After the celebratory group got on the elevator to leave, Martha walked over to join her son and daughter-in-law. "I'm so proud of you two and I'm so relieved that this nightmare is over."

"Me too, Mother. What're your plans for this morning? And please tell me that they don't include dropping by the loft."

"Not to worry, darling. I heard what you said a few minutes ago about celebrating and then going to Paris. Right now, I'm going home before I drop on the spot. You're a good man, Richard," Martha kissed him on the cheek. "Kate, take him home and celebrate a lot."

"Thanks, Martha. I'm sure we will," Kate laughed, burying her face in Castle's shoulder.

"Goodnight, my darlings."

"Goodnight, Mother."

 _7:30 a.m._

They stumbled into the loft half an hour later. "I feel like I could sleep for a week," Kate sighed as Castle closed the door behind them.

"How about some breakfast first? Best way to start off our hibernation," he said, walking toward the kitchen.

"You know what? Why don't we just order in? You don't have to cook."

"I love cooking for you."

"And I love when you cook for me," Kate swayed her hips at him suggestively before walking to their bedroom. "I'm going to change."

"Okay," he turns on the front burner, something about the flames instantly mesmerizing him, making him think of something. "Hey, Beckett?"

"Yeah?" Beckett calls back, removing her shoes and letting them drop to the floor.

"If Mason had an incinerator in his basement, why wouldn't he have just used it to dispose of Vikram's body? Why set a car on fire to get rid of it?"

Suddenly, Castle feels heat explode in his chest, instantly knocking him off of his feet. "I told Mason that you would figure it out," Castle looks up to see Caleb Brown stalking toward him, aiming a gun with a suppressor straight at him.

"Caleb . . . don't," Castle sputters, fighting for breath, pain making it hard to think; harder still to even breathe.

"Sorry, Rick. But how am I going to enjoy my retirement with you and the missus hunting me?"

Sitting in the bedroom, Kate heard another voice besides Castle's. Once again grabbing her gun, she slowly left the bedroom into a scene of unimaginable horror. Her husband, who just 12 hours before she'd described as the love of her life to a killer, was lying in the middle of their kitchen floor as Caleb Brown prepared to shoot him a second time. "Castle!" She called out, getting Caleb's attention before gunfire once again erupted.

Kate didn't even feel the two bullets go into her body, one in her lower abdomen and the other in her chest, not too far from that first bullet wound from five years before. But her shots made their mark and Caleb collapsed against the kitchen wall, dead. Only after he fell dead to the floor did Kate feel the searing pain from the two bullet wounds. She dropped heavily to the floor. But when she heard Castle trying to move toward her, strengthened her resolve to be with her husband. Using what little strength she had left, she managed to crawl to him, clasping her hand in his before rolling onto her back and struggling to breathe.

"Kate," Castle tried to remain conscious. "I love you, Kate."

"Love you, Castle. Love of . . . my life."

"Kate, you've got to stay awake. You've got to fight." Using the last ounce of strength that he possessed, Castle painfully reached into his back pocket and tugged his cell out of it. He could feel his strength waning, but he knew that he had to get help for him and Kate. He could hear Kate's harsh breathing beside him and knew that he was losing her. He brought up his contacts and pressed the 'call' button.

 _7:38 a.m._

Espo, Ryan, Lanie, Hayley and Alexis all went to The Old Haunt where Alexis told the daytime bartender, Mick, to put their drinks on her dad's tab before they all crowded into a horseshoe shaped booth nearby. After Mick brought them their drinks, Espo held his glass up in the air. "Here's to all of us, but here's to Rick and Kate especially, who made all of us safe once again."

"I'll drink to that," Hayley echoed just as Alexis' cell phone rang. "Seriously, Alexis? You couldn't put your phone on vibrate for a couple of hours? What new boy could be calling you this early in the morning?"

"It's my dad," Alexis laughed.

"Girl, put him on speaker," Lanie laughed. "He's supposed to be naked with Beckett, not interrupting our celebration."

"Hey, dad," Alexis answered, putting her phone on speaker and placing it in front of her. "Lanie wants to know why you're not naked and in the middle of Beckett. Dad? Are you there?"

"'Lexis, help," Castle's voice was barely audible, but he soon had everybody's attention. "Kate and I. Caleb Brown . . . shot. Help."

Ryan and Esposito both yanked out their cell phones and made calls, one to get units to the loft and the other to send a couple of buses. "Castle, this is Espo. Hang tight. We're on our way!"

"Hurry. Beckett . . . Kate's . . . bad. Really . . . bad."

"Daddy, we're on our way," Alexis promised him as they all ran out of the bar and into a taxi.

"Alexis, keep him on the line," Lanie instructed her. "Keep him talking."

"Dad, where is Caleb?"

"I . . . don't . . . know. Hard to . . . breathe, Alexis. It hurts."

"I know," tears were streaming down Alexis' face. "We're almost there."

 _7:49 a.m._

Castle was fighting to remain conscious. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He could still feel Kate's hand in his, her fingers still warm against his. But she wouldn't respond when he called out to her. Suddenly he heard the door fly opened and thunderous footsteps approaching them. He screamed out when he felt someone applying pressure to his shoulder. "Sorry, bro," Espo instantly apologized. "The buses are on the way. So is Gates and ESU."

"Daddy?" Alexis knelt by his side.

"Hi, baby," he smiled. "How's Kate?"

Alexis looked over to where Lanie was tending to Kate. "She's still alive, Rick. But it's bad," she told him honestly.

Paramedics entered the apartment and began caring for both patients. "Where are you taking them?" Alexis asked.

"New York Pres. It's the closest hospital with a trauma center."

"Can I ride with my dad?"

"Yeah."

"Javi, I'll go with Castle. You and Lanie go with Kate. Hayley, can you wait here for Gates and ESU?" Ryan asked. "Don't touch anything."

"Of course. Should someone call Rick's mother and Kate's dad?"

"Kate's dad is out of town," Alexis remembered. "I can call him and Grams when I get to the hospital."

 _8:16 a.m._

"Kate? Kate? Can you hear me?" Lanie was calling out to Kate as the two ambulances raced toward the hospital, full lights and siren. She saw Kate's fingers fluttering. "Come on, Kate. It's Lanie. We found you and Castle. You're on your way to the hospital now."

"Caleb—" Kate managed to mumble under the oxygen mask on her face.

"Caleb's dead, Kate. Castle was able to call Alexis. You hang on, do you hear me?"

"Where's . . . where's Rick?"

"He's right behind you, Kate."

"Caleb shot . . . shot Castle. I . . . shot . . . Caleb . . . Caleb shot . . . me."

"Okay, Kate. I think we've got the picture. You just hang on. We're almost there."

Lanie glanced at Esposito, who could only imagine the fear and terror that had taken place in that loft in just a few heartbreaking seconds.

 **A/N #4: The next few chapters are going to deal with Castle and Beckett's recovery as well as the aftermath of the whole LokSat mess.**

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	17. A Life and Death Struggle

**DISCLAIMERS: No, I still don't own 'Castle.'**

 **SUMMARY: Kate and Castle struggle to recover from the shooting as the rest of the team deals with the aftermath of LokSat. Castle delivers news that sends the entire team reeling.**

 **A/N #1: This chapter starts where Chapter 16 ends.**

 **A/N #2: As usual, I want to thank Kelly, Jo, Angie and all of my muses. From this point forward, every word is mine.**

 **A/N #3: This chapter started out with a text message at two in the morning from one of my muses. I'll explain the entire nature of the text at the end of the chapter.**

 **A/N #4: The end of this chapter is going to be slightly different than my one-shot story 'Miracles.'**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 17: A Life and Death Struggle**

 _May 17, 2016, 8:23 a.m._

"Forty-seven-year old male; gunshot wound to the left chest!" The paramedic bringing Castle in began rattling off his medical information to the trauma team. "BP is 90 over 75; pulse is 45."

"Thirty-six-year old female, two gunshot wounds; one to the left chest and the other to the left lower quadrant," the second set of paramedics ran in right behind Castle's team. "BP is 80 over 60. Pulse is tachy at 130."

"Put him in one; her in two," a nurse directed as she stopped Ryan, Alexis, Espo and Lanie from joining their friends. "We need information. Who's next of kin?"

"Rick Castle is my dad. Kate Beckett is his wife," Alexis managed to choke out.

"Okay. I need for you to fill these out for me," the nurse thrust two clipboards at Alexis.

"I'll fill out Kate's, sweetie," Lanie took one of the clipboards.

In the first trauma room, the team was cutting Castle's shirt from his body, causing him to scream out in pain. "Let's give him point two of morphine," the doctor ordered. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Rick . . . Rick Castle," Rick groaned out the words. "My wife? Kate? Where is she?"

"They're working on her next door, Rick. My name is Dr. Loring, Rick. Let's get a portable x-ray in here and page the on-call trauma surgeon!" He barked out.

"There . . . there are . . . two detectives . . . send one of them in here."

"Rick, I can't send your friends in—" 

"Motherfucker, this has . . . to do . . . with who . . . shot me . . . and my . . . wife!"

"Go get one of the detectives," Dr. Loring nodded at a nearby nurse.

The nurse came out and found the group sitting nearby. "Mr. Castle is asking for one of the detectives that came in with him and his wife. He's insistent. He's saying that it has something to do with their shooting."

"We'll both go," Ryan said as he and Espo followed the nurse back to the trauma room.

"He's been given morphine, so he might not be terribly lucid," the nurse warned them as they walked into the room.

"Castle, it's me, Ryan. What's going on?"

"Vikram . . . Vikram isn't . . . dead."

"Castle, what're you talking about? Lanie identified his body. Caleb shot you and Kate—"

"I know, but if Wood killed . . . Vikram . . . why didn't . . . he incinerate . . . his body? He was . . . going to . . . incinerate me . . . and Kate. Why . . . not . . . Vikram?"

"But, the dental records—" Esposito pointed out.

"Gentlemen, we need to take pictures of Mr. Castle's shoulder," Dr. Loring interrupted.

"Just a second, doc."

"Espo, Ryan, they were . . . the fucking . . . CIA," Castle choked out. "They can make . . . things appear . . . the way . . . they want . . . them to."

"We'll check it out, okay?" Ryan was quick to assure their injured friend.

"Check on . . . Kate for . . . me."

"We're on it, Castle," Espo said as the two men left the room.

In Kate's trauma room, the doctor was using the portable x-ray to see where the bullets were in Kate's body. That was when she saw something that stopped her in her tracks. "Have we got Mrs. Castle's blood work?"

"Just now. Dr. Addison," the nurse showed her the results. "Her HgC levels."

"Get me an ultrasound, STAT!" Moments later, the required equipment was wheeled in and Dr. Addison squired gel on Kate's abdomen before running the transducer over her lower abdomen. "The heartbeat is strong at 140. Page the trauma surgeon and let him know that the patient is about eight weeks pregnant."

"Dr. Addison, the pregnancy may no longer be viable," another doctor blurted out.

"That decision isn't ours to make. Mrs. Castle, can you hear me? Kate?"

Kate moaned and attempted to open her eyes, but the lights over her head were too bright. "Rick?"

"He's in the room next door. They're taking good care of him. We're going to get you upstairs to surgery soon."

"Caleb shot . . . Castle. I shot . . . Caleb . . . and then . . . he shot . . . me. Am I . . . dying?" She finally opened her eyes.

"Not on my watch."

Ryan and Espo walked back to where Lanie and Alexis were waiting. "Have you called Martha?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, she's on her way. I need to call Jim. What did my dad say?"

"He said . . . he thinks Vikram is still alive," Ryan relayed Castle's message.

"You found Vikram's body in the trunk of a stolen car," Lanie reminded them.

"Yeah, but he said something about them being CIA and they can make things appear any way they want them to," Espo sat down with a heavy thud.

"Lanie, do you still have Vikram's remains?" It was Ryan's turn to ask a question.

"Yeah, they were never claimed by anybody. Why?"

"Take another set of dental x-rays. This time, send it to the FBI crime lab. Personally give them to Will Sorensen, if you can. Don't tell anybody that you're doing it. Not Perlmutter, not anybody. The only people who know are the ones in this room right now," Ryan looked at the small group that was assembled. "The fewer people who know, the better. That means, not a word to Martha, Jenny, Hayley or Kate's dad."

"We can trust them," Alexis pointed out.

"Alexis, before we rescued Castle, Wood was going to kill Beckett and then he was coming after the rest of us. We can't endanger anybody else."

"Okay, I understand."

"Ryan, Esposito," Chief Gates joined them, along with Martha, who ran to Alexis and embraced her fiercely. "How are Capt. Beckett and Mr. Castle?"

"They're prepping them for surgery. Sir, we need to talk to you alone for a minute," Esposito and Ryan moved off to a quiet corner. "Castle seems to think that Vikram Singh is still alive."

"He's gravely injured and is still spouting insane conspiracy theories," Gates scoffed.

"But sir, there might be some credence to his theory. We found Castle and Beckett in the basement of the CIA Building. There was an incinerator in that basement. An incinerator that Wood was about to thrust the two of them into. Why didn't he dispose of Singh in that fashion?" Ryan asked. "LokSat wanted us to find that burned body. He wanted everything to lead to that moment in the basement."

"Where would Singh disappear to?"

"If he finds out that Castle and Beckett survived the assassination attempt, he might show up here. There's also the house that Rita O'Hara owns in Westchester. Tory said that she owns a property in Westchester County."

"I'll have undercover units sit on that house. When Castle and Beckett come out of surgery, we need to put guards on both of their rooms."

"Yes, sir."

Back in the waiting room, Martha was trying to console Alexis. "How did this happen? How did this man get into the loft?"

"They don't know. They think he was waiting for dad and Beckett when they got home."

"Kate woke up briefly in the ambulance," Lanie spoke up. "All she kept saying was that Caleb shot Castle, then he shot her and she shot him. She just kept repeating it over and over."

"Grams, I need to call Jim, but he's in Phoenix and it's like five something in the morning."

"I'll call him, kiddo."

 _Phoenix, Arizona, 5:56 a.m. (CDT)_

It was the ringing of his cell phone that awoke Jim Beckett out of a sound sleep. He'd been in Phoenix for five days and was expected to be there for another week, maybe longer. He fumbled for his cell phone, finally wrapping his fingers around it. His heart began thudding in his chest when he saw Martha's smiling face on the caller id. Adding the time in his head, he knew that it was almost nine o'clock in New York. "Martha? Is everything okay?" He asked, coming right to the point.

"Jim, Katherine and Richard have been shot. They're at New York Presbyterian, preparing to go into surgery right now. You should get here as soon as you can."

"Oh my god," Jim sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face. "All right. Let me call the airline and then I'll either call or text you my flight information. I'll get there as soon as I can."

"Please hurry, Jim."

 _New York City, 10:37 a.m._

Chief Gates entered the Tombs, the Manhattan Detention Complex that housed inmates that were awaiting trial or transfer to Riker's Island. After showing her badge and id, she was buzzed through and shown to a room. About five minutes later, a metal door was unlocked and a guard walked in guiding Mason Wood, who looked nothing like the dapper businessman he'd appeared to be 15 hours earlier. His expensive Italian suit had been replaced by an orange jumpsuit, his wrists and ankles bound by shackles, causing him to have to shuffle rather than walk. The guard waited for Wood to sit across from Gates before fastening his handcuffs to a ring mounted on the table. The guard then walked over to a corner of the room.

"They're sending the big guns in to talk to me. I have to admit I'm impressed," Wood smiled at Chief Gates.

"Don't be. I have some bad news for you. Caleb Brown is dead. He shot Richard Castle and Capt. Kate Beckett, but in the exchange of gunfire between Capt. Beckett and Mr. Brown, he was shot and killed."

"That is indeed sad news. Caleb was a good man. He was a brilliant lawyer. I'm sorry to hear of his demise."

"Did you send him to take out Mr. Castle and Capt. Beckett?"

"No. After I was taken into custody at the CIA building, I was brought here. I placed a call to my attorney, which was not Caleb Brown, by the way. I'm thinking that Mr. Brown might've been exacting revenge on behalf of me and my colleagues."

"Where is Vikram Singh?"

"Chief Gates, Vikram Singh is dead. I remember that the two detectives . . . Ryan and Esposito, I believe their names were, came to question me about him."

"Mr. Castle told those same two detectives that he thinks Mr. Singh is alive." 

"And might I remind you that Mr. Castle is a writer and has something of a fanciful imagination."

"I agree with that, but I've also known him for long enough to know that his fanciful imaginings sometimes have a kernel of truth."

"Well, if there is some truth to that imagining, I wouldn't know where Mr. Singh would be. I haven't spoken to him in several months. I really don't have anything further to say that hasn't already been said. I think I'd like to go back to my cell now."

 _12:26 p.m._

"Family of Richard Castle," Alexis and Martha jumped to their feet as they looked anxiously at the doctor standing in the doorway, dressed in blue scrubs, a dark surgical cap still on his head. "I'm Dr. McMahon. I'm the surgeon who operated on Mr. Castle. Right now, he is in recovery and will be moved to ICU in about an hour. We removed a bullet from his shoulder and repaired the muscle damage. We've immobilized his left arm to keep him from tearing the stitches. He'll need physical therapy to regain full mobility, but at this point I expect him to make a full recovery."

"You said that he'll be moved to ICU," Martha spoke up. "For how long?"

"ICU is more of a precaution right now, ma'am. I don't think he'll be there longer than 24 to 36 hours. As soon as he's moved, you can see him."

"Thank you," Martha thanked the doctor before hugging Alexis. "Thank god he's going to be all right."

"I'm going to see if they'll tell me anything about Kate," Alexis said.

"I'll come with you," Espo volunteered.

Alexis walked up to the information area and waited until one of the nurses noticed that she was standing there. "May I help you?"

"I was just wondering if I could get an update on how Kate Castle is doing? Is she still in surgery?"

"Are you family?"

"She's married to my father, Richard Castle. They were shot in their apartment. My dad just got out of surgery. I want to be able to tell him something about Kate when I see him. Is she still in surgery?" Alexis repeated the question.

"I'm sorry, but I can't release information about another patient, except to family members."

"You don't understand. She's _married_ to my dad. She's technically my stepmother," Alexis cringed, hating that expression and knowing full well that she doesn't have that sort of relationship with Kate.

"Look," Espo stepped in. "They almost died. He's going to want to know something when he wakes up. Ms. Castle here just wants to know if she's still in surgery."

"When Mr. Castle is more alert, his wife's doctor will come in to talk to him regarding her condition. I'm sorry, I really am. If I could release her information to you, I would."

"Man, this is bullshit!" Espo exploded in a blind rage.

"Sir, you need to calm down," the nurse warned him, eying a security guard standing nearby.

"No! You need to give this young lady some information about her stepmother's condition! Is she alive? Is she dead? Is she still here? Tell her something!"

"Espo, it's okay," Alexis had never seen the detective so angry.

"Javi!" Ryan had heard the commotion and came running out of the waiting area with Lanie and Martha at his heels. "What's going on?"

"They won't tell Little Castle anything about Kate's condition. She wants to tell Castle something when she sees him!"

"Sir, like I just told your friend—" the nurse was very upset by this point.

"It's okay. We get it," Ryan guided Espo back down the hall. "Bro, you need to calm down. If you get kicked out of here, who's going to watch over Castle and Beckett?"

"Alexis, let's see if your father has been moved to ICU. Kevin, Javier, Jim Beckett is arriving at JFK at three o'clock. I'm sure he'd appreciate being met by familiar faces," Martha gently guided her granddaughter away from the information counter.

"I agree, Mrs. R.," Kevin nodded.

 _1:47 p.m._

Sights and sounds infiltrated Castle's consciousness. The sound of Kate laboriously crawling across their floor after being shot. Her harsh breathing loud in his ears when he made the call to Alexis. He could still see Caleb standing over him, gun in hand, preparing to finish the job when he'd heard Kate call out his name and then the sound of several gunshots in rapid succession.

"Kate," his lips felt dry and chapped. "Kate?"

"Dad?"

Castle's eyes slowly fluttered opened and a smile came across his face. "Hi, pumpkin. How's Kate?"

"Her doctor will be in soon to talk to you."

"Is everything okay?" Tears quickly filled his eyes. "Did she make it?"

"Dad, I don't know. Her doctor will talk to you when you're more alert."

"No, Alexis. I need . . . I need to . . . be with her."

"I know, dad. And you will be soon. I promise."

"Where's your grandmother?"

"She's talking to your doctor."

"I can't . . . move my arm."

"It's okay, dad. They immobilized it to prevent you from pulling the stitches in your shoulder."

"Is Caleb dead?"

"Yeah. Kate shot and killed him."

"What about . . . Vikram?"

"I don't know. They're checking into that lead. Do you really think he's still alive?"

"I'd bet money . . . on it."

Martha entered the room, followed by both Dr. McMahon and Dr. Loring, the original trauma doctor. "Mr. Castle, I'm Dr. McMahon. I performed the surgery on your shoulder. How is your pain level right now? And please be honest. How is your pain on a scale of one to 10?"

"Right now, it's about a five. Who are you?" He noticed Dr. Loring for the first time.

"I was the attending doctor when you were brought in. I wanted to check to see how you were doing."

"I'll be doing better . . . when somebody tells . . . me something . . . about Kate. How is my wife?"

"The last that I heard, she was still in surgery," Dr. McMahon answered. "I can't tell you any more at this point. Her doctor will be in to talk to you later."

"I need to . . . be with her," tears began trickling down his face, the anger, fear, and frustration taking their toll.

"You'll see her very soon. Right now, you should get some rest. I'll be back to check on you later."

 _4:45 p.m._

It was close to five o'clock when the boys arrived back at the hospital with a weary Jim Beckett. Martha embraced Kate's father. "How is Katie?"

"We don't know. They act as if we're nothing to her. All I've been able to get from anybody is that her surgeon's name is Benton."

"Thank you. I'll go and track him down."

A nurse showed Jim to a nearby room while she had the surgeon paged. Moments later, Dr. Benton walked into the waiting room. "Mr. Beckett, I'm Dr. Benton. I performed the surgery on your daughter. The bullet in her shoulder didn't cause any significant damage. I repaired the muscles and I've immobilized her arm to prevent her from injuring the site. The bullet that entered her lower abdomen nicked her left kidney and the left lower part of her colon. I was able to repair all of the damage, but she's going to have to be closely monitored for the next several days."

"Have you talked to her husband?"

"Not yet, but we could go and do that now, if you'd like."

"He needs to know. His friends said that he kept saying earlier that he needed to be with her."

"It's a tragic situation, that's for damn sure," the doctor said as he got on the elevator with Jim to go see Castle in ICU. "Mrs. Castle is down the hall. There are no set visiting hours for ICU at New York Pres. As long as you don't interfere in her care, you'll be left alone."

Alexis was sitting at her father's bedside when Jim walked in with a strange doctor. Alexis got up as Jim walked over and gave her a hug. "How is he?" He kept his voice low.

"He's been in and out. How's Kate?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Alexis, this is Dr. Benton. He was Katie's surgeon."

"Kate?" Castle opened his eyes at the mention of Kate's name. "Jim, hey. Who's the . . . new guy?"

"Mr. Castle, I'm Dr. Benton. I performed the surgery on your wife. I can come back later—"

"No," Castle shook his head, wincing at the pain in his shoulder. "'Lexis, can you raise my bed a little more?"

"Dad, remember that they—"

"I want to maintain some . . . semblance of eye contact."

"Okay, but I'm just raising it a little," she pushed the button on top of his bed rail. "You do realize that you can do this yourself?"

"Hey, who's the patient here?" He joked weakly.

"You'll have to forgive him," Alexis looked at the doctor. "He's been heavily medicated. I'll be outside, dad."

"Okay," Castle's smile left his face the second Alexis and Jim exited the room. "How is Kate?"

Dr. Benton told Castle the same thing he'd told Jim Beckett a short time earlier. "Right now, she's critical but stable. When you're released from ICU in the next day or two, you'll be allowed to see her."

"Will there be . . . permanent damage . . . to her kidney and her colon?"

"No, there shouldn't be. Like I said, she's being monitored. I don't think that she'll be out of ICU for at least four or five days, maybe longer."

"So, she could still . . . die?"

"There's that possibility," the doctor admitted. "But right now, she's stable. She's very strong."

"You have . . . no idea how . . . strong."

"Get some rest. The sooner you get out of this cubicle, the sooner you can see your wife."

"Thank you."

 _6:02 p.m._

"Mmm," Kate moaned in her sleep. "Rick?"

"Katie? Katie, it's dad."

"Dad," Kate's eyes slowly fluttered opened. "You're here."

"Martha called me early this morning. I caught an early flight and got in late this afternoon. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. How's Castle?" 

"He's okay. I just left him, as a matter of fact. He sends you all of his love and also this," he stood up and kissed her on the forehead.

"I need him, dad. I need to be with him."

"Soon, sweetie. I promise. You were in surgery for a long time. Your surgeon said that he will be in to talk to you sometime tomorrow."

"Bring Castle to me, dad," her eyes slowly closed and her breathing evened out as she fell asleep once again.

Jim sat at her bedside for a long time, remembering when she was little and he'd watch her sleep. Time had gone by far too quickly. After an hour of watching Kate sleep, he left the cubicle in search of a cup of coffee. He found Chief Gates standing in front of the coffee urn in the nurse's breakroom. "The nurses have graciously allowed us to partake of their coffee," she turned. "I don't know if you remember me. I was Kate's captain—"

I remember. We met back when Katie and Rick were missing some time back. Can you tell me about this man who shot her and Rick?" He asked, walking over to a nearby table.

"His name was Caleb Brown. He was an attorney for Vikram Singh, the man Kate disappeared with back in September. We don't know why he shot them. We were under the impression that he was on our side."

"I don't understand what happened. Kevin and Javier didn't say much. Did he ambush them on the street?"

"No," she sat down across from Jim. "ESU is still processing the scene, but we believe that he was lying in wait for them when they arrived home earlier this morning."

"Katie never discussed her work with me. I think she was trying to protect me."

"She was," Gates confirmed. "One of the men that we arrested last night about the case that she was working had a hit list. Everybody who knew anything about him was on it. By not telling you, she was protecting you. I feel responsible for what happened to your daughter and son-in-law," she stared down at her coffee cup.

"How so?"

"Kate asked me last night about Caleb Brown after everybody else involved was taken into custody. I told her that Mr. Brown wasn't a threat. I'm sorry for being so wrong about that."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't possibly have known. After all, you said that you were under the impression that this Caleb Brown was on your side."

 _May 18, 3:47 a.m._

When Castle opened his eyes, he was surprised to find Jim Beckett sitting at his bedside, looking at his phone. "Jim?"

"Rick? I sent Alexis to get some sleep. How's your pain?"

"Manageable for . . . right now. Don't ring . . . for anybody. Who's with . . . Kate?"

"The last that I checked, Javier was with her. He's gone into big brother mode."

"He's good at that," Castle smiled. "Can I get . . . some water?"

"Of course," Jim poured some cold water into a cup and placed a flexible straw into it, bending it so that Castle could take a few drinks. "How's that?"

"Better. How's Kate?"

"Her condition hasn't changed. She's been awake a couple of times, but just briefly. She's asked about you."

"Jim, I need . . . to be with . . . her."

"I know, son. I know. Hopefully you'll be moved out of here later today and then we'll see about getting you in to see her. Now, do you need something for the pain?"

"I hate . . . that stuff."

"I know that you do," Jim smiled. "But do you like the pain?"

"Hell, no."

"Let me ring for a nurse."

 _5:07 a.m._

Espo dozed off, jerking awake when his head fell forward. He rotated his head, wincing when his neck audibly popped. When he straightened in his chair, he saw that Beckett was awake, her eyes burning into his. "Beckett? Hey, how are you feeling?"

"How's . . . Castle?"

"He's good. Your dad is with him. Do you want me to go and get him?"

"No. He was . . . in our home, Javi," her voice was thick with emotion. " _Our_ home. He ruined . . . our home. He made . . . it unsafe. He brought . . . evil . . . into our home."

"I'm so sorry, Kate. I really am. But you don't have to worry about Caleb Brown ever again."

"He shot Castle," she repeated the litany she'd first said in the ambulance the morning before. "Then I shot him . . . and he shot me."

"I know."

"I want . . . everybody . . . to know. It was a . . . good shoot," her eyes closed and she went back to sleep.

When Espo walked into the waiting room where everybody was gathered, he saw that Gates and Ryan were asleep in chairs while Lanie was on the sofa with Alexis' head cradled in her lap. The group had been joined by Hayley, who was dozing in another chair.

Sensing someone in the room, Gates jolted awake. "Esposito, how is Beckett?"

"She was awake a few minutes ago. I think she's worried that we don't believe that it was a good shoot."

"ESU has processed the scene. I've turned their report over to the Chief of D's. I'm sure that he'll have questions of his own, but in my mind, there's no doubt that it was a clean shoot."

"Where's Martha?" Espo looked around.

"She went to the ladies' room," Hayley opened her eyes. "I'll go and see about her."

Hayley found Martha in the ladies' restroom, blotting her eyes with a paper towel. "Oh Hayley, you startled me. I didn't want anybody to see me being all blubbery and emotional."

"Martha, your son and daughter-in-law were both shot. You have every right to be emotional. I have friends who specialize in cleaning up . . . well, they clean things up. I would like to call them and arrange for them to put the loft to rights again. Rick and Kate shouldn't have to return to their home being in shambles."

"That would be lovely," Martha hugged Hayley. "Thank you, Hayley."

When they walked out, they heard alarms and saw the light over Kate's door flashing. They ran toward the door as medical personnel ran in. "I was just with her," Espo said. "She was fine!"

Martha could hear one of the nurses calling out to Kate. "Mrs. Castle, you're safe. You need to calm down!"

"Nurse," Martha ran in. "My daughter-in-law suffers from PTSD. May I try something?" Martha ran over to the bed and gently put her hand on Kate's arm. "Katherine, it's Martha. You're all right. You need to take some breaths. Listen to my breathing. Deep breath in and slowly let it out. That's good. You're doing great. The nurse is right. You're safe."

"Martha," Kate choked out. "I need to . . . be with . . . Castle. I need to . . . touch him."

"Soon, darling. Very soon. I promise. Keep breathing with me." She looked at the medical personnel. "She'll be okay. Just let me sit with her for a few minutes."

Jim ran out of Rick's room and over to the people standing outside of Kate's door. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"She had a panic attack. Grams is with her now," Alexis told him. "How's my dad?"

"He's okay. He's out like a light," he smiled at the young woman. "How did you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm going to go and sit with my dad."

Back in the room, Kate was following Martha's breathing pattern, gradually feeling the panic leaving her body. Only to be replaced by bone crushing pain. "Martha, Caleb shot Castle—"

"Katherine, why do you keep repeating that? Are you worried that you'll be blamed for shooting that dreadful man?"

"I didn't even . . . feel it . . . at first. I saw . . . Rick . . . on the kitchen . . . floor," she sucked in a sharp breath, which only made the pain worse. "I fell . . . but I . . . heard him . . . trying to get . . . to me. I thought that . . . Castle was dying. I didn't want . . . him to . . . die alone."

"So you crawled to him?" Martha guessed, remembering the blood trail that Alexis had described to her.

"I thought . . . that I was . . . dying, too," the pain was like someone was pouring boiling oil all over her body. She screamed out in pain.

"Katherine, let me get someone in to give you something for the pain."

"Not yet," Kate's eyes pleaded with the older woman. "I love . . . him, Martha."

"I know that you do, kiddo. And he loves you, too."

"I didn't want . . . to die without him . . . knowing that."

A nurse who had heard Kate's scream of pain came in and put something into Kate's IV tubing. Within a matter of minutes, the pain was replaced by a feeling of floating into space. "Get some rest, my darling," Martha placed a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead before leaving the room.

 _7:18 a.m._

When Castle opened his eyes, there was a doctor and nurse standing next to his bed. "What's going on?"

"We're just changing your dressing," the doctor explained. "I'm Dr. Jennings."

"How does it . . . look?" He winced at the pull of the bandages.

"It looks really good," the doctor smiled. "Your vital signs are in a good range. If you continue to have a good morning, I'll make arrangements to have you moved to a room. After that, we'll see about wheeling you in to see your wife."

"Thank you," Castle managed to smile. "How long . . . will my arm . . . be like this?"

"At least a couple of weeks, maybe longer. We don't want you pulling your stitches or causing more damage to your shoulder. Once you're moved to a room, I'll start a physical therapy schedule for you."

"How is my wife?"

"From what I understand from her doctor, she had a rather rough night."

"Rough night? How?" Castle started to become agitated.

"She had a couple of panic attacks," the doctor told him.

"I need to be with her," he tried to get out of bed, but Dr. Jennings and the nurse prevented him from getting up.

"Mr. Castle, you're not going to do her any good if we have to take you back into surgery to re-suture that shoulder. I need for you to calm down. Right now, your wife has people with her. Her father, your friends, your mother and daughter have been taking turns with her. If I let you go, are you going to calm down?" He asked as Castle nodded, visibly relaxing.

"How soon will I be moved?"

"Let's see how you look around lunchtime, okay?" The doctor smiled.

 _8:30 a.m._

Ryan was sitting at Kate's bedside shortly after her own doctor had come in to check on her wounds. He was texting Jenny about Kate when he heard his boss let out a groan. **'Babe, I'll talk to you later. Beckett's waking up.'** "Beckett?" He whispered.

"Have any of . . . you slept?"

"We take turns taking naps on the most uncomfortable couch in history. It's worse than the breakroom couch at the Twelfth," he joked.

"How's Castle?"

"He's doing good. Martha and Alexis had a meeting with the day shift doctor and he says they'll move him to a room after lunch, if he continues to do well."

"But . . . not me?"

"Beckett, you're going to be stuck here in ICU for a few days. Did your doctor talk to you?"

"Yeah, but . . . I don't . . . I don't remember much. Ryan, you get . . . it. Would you like . . . it if you . . . couldn't touch . . . Jenny? If you couldn't . . . at least talk . . . to her?"

"No, I wouldn't." Ryan suddenly had an idea. He sent a text to Esposito. **'Who's in the room with Castle right now?'**

' **I am. Why?'**

' **Is Castle awake?'**

' **Kind of.'**

Ryan dialed Espo's number through his Skype app. "Yo! Why are you Skyping me?"

"Give your phone to Castle," Ryan instructed before holding his phone in front of Kate.

Due to his good arm being strapped to a board because of the IV, Esposito had to hold his phone for Castle. "What's going on?" Castle was confused until he saw Kate's face on the screen. "Kate? Oh my god. Hi."

Kate was laughing through her tears. "Castle. I'm so happy . . . to see you."

"Me too, sweetheart. Beckett, you . . . saved my life."

"He shot you, Castle."

"I know. But he shot you, too."

"Castle," she began to breathe hard.

"No, Kate. Kate, listen to me. I'm going to be all right. You're going to be all right. Listen to the sound of my voice, Kate."

"It hurts, Castle. It hurts . . . all over."

"Kate, you're in pain. Let them give you something. I'll see you soon. Ryan, get her a nurse."

"You've got it, Castle."

"And Ryan? Thank you."

 _12:42 p.m._

As promised, Castle was moved to a regular room shortly after lunch. Now he was itching to go back down to ICU to see Kate. "Alexis, you know that I'll find a way to get down there, with or without your help."

"Fine," Alexis huffed. "I'll see if I can get someone to help me take you down there. But what did Dr. Jennings say when they were moving you?"

"I don't remember," Castle grinned, stopping when he saw the irritation on Alexis' face. "He told me not to overdo it. An hour with my wife, Alexis. That's all I'm asking for. If you let me sit with her for an hour, then I will come up here and behave myself for the rest of the night."

"Somehow, I seriously doubt that. Let me go and see about getting some help."

 _2:00 p.m._

Kate's original doctor, Dr. Addison, had asked to be paged when Mr. Castle came down to visit his wife. At the moment, Jim Beckett was sitting with Kate, but he smiled and prepared to leave the room when he saw Alexis wheeling her dad in. "She's been asleep for about an hour and a half. She's been having a lot of pain, but they've been reluctant about medicating her. Every time she wakes up, she asks for you," Jim patted Castle's good shoulder before leaving the room.

"I'll be back at three o'clock, dad."

"Okay, pumpkin."

Kate's right hand was strapped to a board much like his had been earlier. Her IV pole had three different bags attached to it, all of them flowing into a vein on the back of her hand. He placed his hand over hers, gently squeezing her fingers.

Kate's cop sense told her that Castle was there. She'd know the feel of his fingers anywhere. She'd felt them on various parts of her body literally thousands of times. Her eyes were so heavy, but she opened them, smiling sleepily when she saw her husband sitting at her bedside. "Hey, Castle," she slurred. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got shot. How about yourself?"

"Like I got shot. Twice," she lifted two fingers against his hand for emphasis.

"You're always trying to one-up me," he teased.

She saw his arm in a sling, held tightly against his chest and she glanced at her own immobile left arm. "We match."

"Yeah, we do."

"I've had . . . a lot of attacks, Castle. I keep . . . seeing him when I . . . close my eyes."

"I know. I do, too. I see him standing over me. He would've killed me if you hadn't come in when you did. My bad-ass Beckett coming to the rescue. I'm just sorry . . . I'm just sorry . . . that he shot you, too."

"Who . . . found us?"

"Alexis, the boys, Lanie, and Hayley. I managed to call . . . Alexis. She was at . . . The Old Haunt with all of them."

Castle looked behind him when he saw Kate's eyes wander toward the door. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm Dr. Addison. I was Kate's attending physician when she was brought in. I was just wondering if Dr. Benton had spoken to either of you."

"He told me that one of the bullets hit Kate's kidney and her colon, but that everything was okay. He fixed everything. Is there something that he failed to tell either of us?" Castle began to panic.

"No, he repaired the damage. I just wondered if he said anything about how lucky you are."

"We've been lucky before. If you only knew . . . how many times we've . . . been lucky," Kate smiled at Castle.

"Mrs. Castle . . . Kate, when I spoke of being lucky, I wasn't referring to you and Mr. Castle. So, you don't know?"

"Don't know what? Is something else wrong?"

"I could tell you, but I think showing you would be better. Excuse me for just one moment," Dr. Addison stepped out of the room, returning a moment later with a nurse who was pushing a machine in front of her.

"Castle, is that . . . what I think . . . it is?" Kate's eyes traveled from the machine to Dr. Addison to Castle.

"No way," Castle grinned, shaking his head in disbelief. "No fucking way."

After hooking the machine up, Dr. Addison lifted Kate's gown, giving both the patient and her husband a glimpse of the huge bandage on her lower left abdomen. "This is going to be cold," the doctor warned, squirting transducer gel on her stomach and then turning on the machine. "Mrs. Castle, you are pregnant."

Kate and Castle's eyes were transfixed by the image of the rapidly beating heart on the ultrasound. "The baby's okay?"

"I'm sure you're going to be monitored extremely closely, but right now, everything is perfect."

Unable to stand up and bend so that he could kiss her, Castle had to settle for kissing the palm of his hand and placing it on her cheek, feeling her press into his hand. "How far along am I?"

"I'd say about eight weeks."

"Guess what we're having for Christmas, Beckett?" Castle teased.

"Dr. Addison, what . . . what is your first name?" Kate asked through her tears.

"My name is Lily, Kate."

"If this baby . . . lives, we're going to have . . . one hell of a story . . . to tell," Kate continued crying.

The doctor promised to take another ultrasound so that she could print them a picture before she left. Once she left, Castle moved his chair a little closer. "I wish that I could hold you and tell you how . . . how much I love you right now. You are . . . so brave and so is this little one," he placed his hand carefully on her stomach.

He could see her fighting against the pain, but she wouldn't let him call for anybody. "What if . . . the drugs hurt the . . . baby?"

"Kate, they're aware of the pregnancy. I'm sure they've been giving you stuff that's safe. Baby, you shouldn't fight the pain."

"If I go to . . . sleep, then you're going . . . to leave . . . me."

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"Will you read to me?"

"If you let me call for a nurse."

"Okay," she nodded.

She'd just fallen asleep when Alexis returned. "Come on, dad. It's time to go."

"Is everybody still in the waiting area?"

"Yeah. Dad, you need to get back to your room so you can get something for pain. I know that you're hurting."

"I will. But I have an announcement to make first. It'll only take a minute."

"Okay, but then you're going straight to your room."

When Alexis wheeled him into the waiting room, everybody was excited to see him in a wheelchair. Jenny had now joined the group, as well, which made Castle happy considering the news he was there to deliver. "When Kate was brought into the ER, the attending physician noticed something."

"Bro, is something wrong? Is Beckett all right?" Espo asked.

"Kate's pregnant. We're having a baby," Castle beamed proudly as everybody started asking questions at once. "Whoa! One at a time. The doctor said that Kate's probably going to have to be monitored carefully, but right now everything looks great."

"Dad, that's great," Alexis hugged her father, pulling away when she felt him stiffen up. "Okay, I'm taking you back upstairs to bed."

"I'll walk with you, Alexis," Gates got up, following Alexis and Castle to the elevator. "Mr. Castle, I'm assigning guards to protect you and Capt. Beckett."

"He's still alive, isn't he?" Alexis stopped pushing her father's chair to stare at Chief Gates. "Vikram Singh is actually still alive?"

"Ms. Parrish took new dental x-rays and sent them by messenger to the FBI Crime Lab in Washington, DC. Will Sorensen undertook delivery of the x-rays personally."

"I thought that Will was in Alaska."

"He finished that case. He put a rush on the identification. The body found in the car was definitely _not_ Vikram Singh."

"So he's still out there?" Castle asked, suddenly feeling sick.

"It would seem so."

 **A/N #5: The text message that changed the course of this story went something like this: 'Cindy, what if Vikram isn't really dead? It's the only way for Castle's words regarding the incinerator are going to make any sense.' And before any of you ask, no, Vikram is not LokSat. Mason Wood is LokSat. That hasn't changed.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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	18. Back Together Again

**DISCLAIMERS: 'Castle' and its characters don't belong to me.**

 **SUMMARY: Kate and Castle continue their recovery and make some decisions for their homecoming.**

 **A/N #1: As usual, my thanks go to Kelly, Jo, and Angie. Also my muses for everything.**

 **A/N #2: I apologize for taking so long to post. My real life during the holidays is crazy. I work at Sam's Club, doing demos. During the holidays, I'm very busy at work. I ride the bus, so I don't get home until between seven and eight o'clock at night. I don't feel like writing when I get home. I will try to update more often, but please don't send me reviews just to ask when I'm updating. I haven't stopped working on the story. Sometimes it just takes me time to get motivated again.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 18: Back Together Again**

 _May 22, 2016_

The ICU in the middle of the night took on a life of its own. It was quiet except for the random alarm that would sound, signaling that someone's life hung in the balance. The nurses who worked the floor were taking advantage of the early morning stillness to catch up on paperwork. One of the nurses, a young lady in her late 20's named Eileen, glanced at her watch. "Any minute now," she said to her companion.

"What're you talking about?"

Eileen was about to say something further when she heard the bell at the far end of the hall that alerted her that someone was getting off the elevator. "Mr. Castle, you're up past your bedtime," she smiled when Castle slowly walked up to the information counter, his ever-present guard at his side.

"I couldn't sleep. Is it okay?" He nodded his head toward Kate's cubicle.

"I'm sure that Kate is probably awake and waiting for you," Eileen smiled.

It had been the same routine for the past three days, since Castle had been released from ICU and into a regular room. He'd go to his physical therapy sessions, but the rest of his awake time was spent with Kate. The last two nights he'd wandered up in the middle of the night to sit with Kate. Sometimes she would wake up, but other times she slept through his visits.

Tonight, when he walked into the cubicle, she was asleep, the monitors to her left flashing out numbers that he didn't totally understand. He sat down and took her hand, as usual being mindful of the IV that was still in the back of her hand. She stirred and opened her eyes, giving him a sleepy, but brilliant smile. "Castle, what're you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep and it was too late to call Alexis. How's Lily?" He took her hand and brought it down with his to her still very flat tummy.

"You had better hope that this baby is a girl, Castle. There's that fifty percent chance that there's a boy in there."

"No way. This baby is a Lily. I can feel it," he smiled. "I miss you."

"I know," she whispered, raising her hand up cup his jaw. "I miss you, too. You need to shave. You feel like you did when I saw you for the first time."

"I'll get Alexis to bring my electric razor to me. Do you know when they're going to move you to a room?"

"My doctors are coming in later this morning. I should know more then."

"I've already talked to our doctors; so have my mother, your dad, and Alexis. They're going to move you into the room with me." Her smile was huge at the news.

"But aren't you being discharged soon?"

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Good. Where are we going to go when we get out of here? Caleb brought evil into our home, Castle. He ruined our safe place."

Seeing that she was becoming agitated, Castle did his best to calm her fears before she made her alarms go off. "Shhh," he kissed her knuckles. "We can go to the house in the Hamptons or we can go to a hotel. We'll go anywhere you want to go."

"Can we still go to Paris?"

"Kate, the doctors aren't going to clear us to leave the country right away, but the second that we get cleared medically, we'll go to Paris. I thought that maybe we could spend the summer there and then come back to New York in the fall."

"No, Castle," she shook her head.

"Kate, what's wrong?"

"We can't go back to the loft."

"Kate, I know that you're scared. I get it."

"Castle, I thought that you were dying. I thought that we were going to die together in our home."

"What if I have the loft completely redecorated? I can plan to have everything done while we're in Paris. Would that make you feel safer?"

"Castle, aren't you afraid to go back there?"

"I haven't thought about it," he admitted. "If you don't want me to redecorate, then we can find a new place to move into. I'm going to do whatever it takes to makes you feel safe. I want you and Lily to feel safe and secure."

"Can you get somebody to do a renovation in just a few months?"

"Hey, I know a guy or two."

"Of course you do," she sucked in a sharp breath, which Castle immediately noticed.

"You're in pain," he reached down to her bed railing and pushed the button for the nurse. Eileen appeared within seconds. "She's ready for pain medication."

"Perfect, because you should get back to your room before we both get in trouble."

"Can he stay until the meds kick in?"

"Yeah. I'll be right back."

"Eileen's a fan," Castle grinned at Kate after the nurse left the room.

"Castle, I don't want you getting in trouble."

"If they move you in with me later today, there'll be no possible way for me to get into trouble because you'll be with me."

"Okay, Mr. Castle, you're going to have about two more minutes," Eileen came over and injected something into Kate's IV. "Say goodnight and get upstairs to your own room."

"Okay," he stood up and leaned down so that he could kiss Kate. "When Alexis brings me my razor, I'll ask her to bring your lip balm. I love you and I'll see you later."

"I love you, too. I'll see you in a few hours." She watched Castle leave the room, his security falling into place at his side. "Eileen, do you have kids?"

"A six-year-old son," Eileen smiled. "Mrs. Castle—"

"Kate," Kate corrected her sleepily. "I mean, you are a fan of my husband's."

"Kate, if you're worried about your baby, don't be. Everything's okay. If it weren't, your doctor would tell you."

"I had my IUD removed in March. I just thought that it would take longer. The last thing I ever wanted was . . . to put my husband and my unborn child in danger."

"I know. I see a lot of things working this floor. But for the last two nights, at a little after two in the morning, your husband has come downstairs to sit with you. The first night you never woke up, but he sat with you for over an hour, just . . . sitting there."

"Yeah, Castle likes to watch me when I sleep. He has even taken pictures."

"Okay, that's less sweet and more creepy," Eileen said as Kate laughed softly.

"I told him that exact same thing. The thing is, we need to be together. I have PTSD and I know that Castle's going to struggle with what happened in our home. It might not happen now, but it's going to happen at some point."

"You need to talk to your doctor when he comes in this morning. Tell him exactly what you just told me. I can make notations for the dayshift that you do seem to rest easier after your husband's been here with you. That will help."

"Thank you," Kate closed her eyes.

"Get some sleep. I'll check on you before I get off shift."

When Kate opened her eyes again, Dr. Benton was standing at the foot of her bed looking over her chart. "Am I going to live to fight another day?"

"You are going to live to fight for many more days. I see that you had another nocturnal visit from your husband." 

"Those visits would stop if you'd move me upstairs with him. It would also get rid of those guys," she nodded toward the two guards standing watch outside of her door. "I'm sure seeing armed guards standing outside of a patient's room do wonders for the sanctity of your ward."

"How would you feel about getting rid of your IV and your catheter? That way, we can see about getting you out of bed."

"I'd love to get up and about. Can I ask you a question?" Dr. Benton nodded. "I know that it sounds stupid, but I've read all of these stories about being pregnant. Why haven't I had morning sickness?"

"Every pregnancy is different. If you'd like, I can arrange to have you talk to our resident OB/GYN."

"I have my own, but thank you."

***CCC***

"Alexis, have you been staying in the loft since . . . since this happened?" Castle asked his daughter later that morning.

"No," she was quick to shake her head. "I've crashed at Hayley's or at Gram's. Hayley has some friends and they cleaned everything up, but I just keep seeing you and Kate lying on the floor."

"Kate's refusing to go back there."

"I don't blame her, dad."

"I need to get our things and take them to either the Hamptons or maybe the Four Seasons. Alexis, we're going to go to Paris when we're given the okay by the docs. I want you to do something for me while we're gone."

"Anything."

"I'm going to hire a team to completely renovate the loft. You did such a great job with the P.I. office that I want you to oversee this."

"Yeah, I can totally do this," Alexis hugged him tightly. "Grams can help."

"Uh, can you keep Grams involvement to a minimum? No animal prints?" Castle looked at Alexis with a grimace before the two of them burst out laughing at the visual images they conjured.

In Kate's room, a nurse stood on either side of her as they gently eased her to the edge of the bed. "We're going to take this slowly. Okay, Kate?"

"Yeah, slow sounds good," Kate let out a breath as the nurses placed their hands on her elbows and helped her to her feet. "Ow, it hurts. It really hurts."

"Let's just take a few steps and then we'll get you back into bed. I understand that you're going to be leaving us in a couple of house."

"They're moving me?" Kate's smile was huge despite the intense pain. "Ow. Ow."

"Let's do this, Kate."

Kate remembered how much it had hurt the first time she'd got out of bed following her first shooting. This time it was magnified tenfold. By the time they got her to walk five steps, the tears were falling down her face. Afterwards, they helped her back into bed and got her a pain pill. "I thought that I was moving soon," she asked after swallowing the pill.

"You are. When you wake up, they'll move you upstairs so that you can be with your husband," the nurse smiled at her.

***CCC***

Castle was having a video conference with a contractor when Chief Gates and Capt. Donovan stopped by his room. "Hey Jake, let me call you back. I have company."

"Come see me when you're released, Rick. We'll talk about the plans."

"Okay. Bye," Castle ended the call. "I'm having my . . . our apartment remodeled."

"Mr. Castle, this is Capt. Donovan—"

"I remember him," Castle remembered the Internal Affairs captain all too well from the time Kate had been framed for the murder of Vulcan Simmons.

"We need to get a statement from you, Mr. Castle," Capt. Donovan said. "We've pieced together what happened in your home from ESU's report, but we need a firsthand report of the events that occurred that morning. Do you feel up to talking to us?"

"Are you going to talk to Kate?"

"We'll speak to her later," he confirmed. "I'm going to record this. Is that all right?"

"Yes."

"Whenever you're ready, Mr. Castle," Donovan told him before entering his name, the date and the subject of the interview into the recording device.

"Kate and I got back home at around 7:30 that morning. I went to go cook breakfast for us and Kate went into our bedroom to change clothes. When I turned the burner on, the thought occurred to me that if Mason Wood had an incinerator in the basement of his building, why didn't he use it to dispose of Vikram's body. That was when Caleb Brown appeared out of nowhere and shot me."

"Did he say anything before he shot you?"

"Yeah. He said that he tried to warn Mason that we would figure things out. He also said that he couldn't enjoy his retirement with me and Kate on his trail. He was about to shoot me again when I heard Kate call my name. I guess that it distracted Brown because then I heard gunshots."

"How many?"

"Three. Caleb was shooting back, but his gun had a suppressor on it, so I don't know how many times he fired at Kate. I didn't know she'd been hit until I heard two thuds. One was Caleb falling against the kitchen wall, but the other was Kate falling to the floor. I could hear her breathing and I tried . . . I tried to scoot over to her," he rubbed at his eyes with his good hand, "but then I felt her reaching for my hand. I managed to get my phone out of my back pocket and I called Alexis. That's all that I remember until I woke up after my surgery. It was a good shoot, Captain. Kate didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm not saying that she did. I just need all of the information for my report."

"When will you be talking to her?"

"As soon as she's stronger. Thank you for your time, Mr. Castle. Victoria, I'll be outside."

"Have they found Vikram?" Castle asked after Donovan had stepped out.

"No. It's possible that he went on the run before all of this went down."

"Possibly. Kate should be in here with me sometime today."

"That's wonderful news," Gates smiled. "I'll let you get some rest."

Castle lay back on his pillow after Gates left. He was tired of resting. He felt like all he'd been doing was resting. He got out of bed, wincing at the almost familiar pain in his shoulder. He rolled it around a few times like his therapist had instructed, feeling the painful stretch of sutured flesh. He then slipped the sling around his neck before stepping out of his room, his security falling into step.

Castle had two security guys, each one working a 12-hour shift. He preferred the guy who worked from eight in the evening until eight in the morning. He'd play cards occasionally with him when he couldn't sleep, which was most of the time. The other guy didn't say much. He just followed Castle everywhere he went, standing guard wherever. "Are you married?" Castle asked.

"Divorced."

"Do you have any kids?"

"Three. Are you going to visit your wife, sir?"

"No, she should be upstairs soon. I just need to walk around. You don't have to follow me."

"Yes, I do. Orders."

"From whom?"

"Just orders, sir."

Looking at the guy's build, Castle was sure he was probably one of Espo's buddies. The guy was built like a small tank. Nothing was going to get past him. Especially a skinny runt like Vikram. "You know Esposito from your tour in Afghanistan?"

"How did you know—"

"I'm a writer. I notice things. And you don't look like much would get past you. What do you do when you're not guarding friends of friends?"

"I teach martial arts at a dojo in Queens."

"That makes me feel a lot better."

"I'm glad, sir."

***CCC***

Jim Beckett was worried when he walked into Kate's ICU cubicle and couldn't find her. Then he noticed that the bathroom door was closed. "Katie?" He walked over to the door, putting his ear against it. "Katie? It's dad. Are you in there?"

"Dad?" He finally heard her answer.

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

"I'll . . . I'll be out in just a minute."

The door opened about five minutes later and Kate emerged, walking hunched over and looking paler than Jim cared to see. "Katie, why didn't you get one of the nurses to help you?" He placed his hand under her elbow and assisted her back toward her bed.

"Not . . . the bed. That chair," she pointed at the chair near the bed. "And I've been going to the bathroom alone since I was . . . three."

"Yeah, but you hadn't been shot twice when you were three," he argued. "Let me go get your nurse to give you something—"

"No!" She winced at the harshness of her tone. "I'm sorry. I just woke up. They say they're going to move me . . . and they won't move me while . . . I'm asleep. I want to be with Rick, dad. Go and ask them when . . . they're moving me."

"Okay, sweetie," he kissed the top of her head. "Calm down and I'll go ask. I'll be right back."

Jim left the room and walked over to the information counter. "Good afternoon, Mr. Beckett," the nurse greeted him.

"Katie told me that she's going to be moved upstairs."

"Yes, the doctor signed off on her chart this morning."

"She wants to know when that's going to happen."

"Let me get an orderly and we'll get her moved."

"Thank you," he turned and went back into the cubicle. He was concerned when he saw that his daughter was crying. "Katie? What's wrong?"

"I don't know." 

"Something must be wrong if you're crying," he handed her a tissue.

"Did mom have morning sickness when she was pregnant with me?"

"Honestly, I don't remember. It wasn't anything that she discussed with me and I was working so many hours at the firm at the time that I don't remember her spending a lot of time in the bathroom being sick. Why? Have you been feeling sick?"

"No, that's just it. I haven't felt sick, at all. I keep telling myself that maybe it's because of all of the different medications they've been giving me."

"That's a possibility," Jim agreed with her.

"But, what if there's a problem, dad?"

"Have you talked to your doctor about this?"

"Yes. He suggested that I should talk to the resident OB/GYN, but I don't want to talk to another strange doctor. I want to talk to somebody who knows me."

"Why don't you call your doctor? I think if there was a problem, Dr. Benton would've told you and Rick."

"I'm scared, dad."

"I know, Katie. I'd take away your fears if I could."

"I know that you would."

An orderly walked in pushing a wheelchair in front of him. "I'm here to move you to your regular room."

"That's the best news I've heard all day," Kate smiled through her tears.

***CCC***

"Richard, my darling, you look exhausted," Martha chastised her son's appearance.

"Thank you, Mother, for always pointing out my flaws."

"Katherine should be with you soon, which will hopefully put an end to your late-night roaming through the hospital."

"I can't sleep," he said. "Every time I close my eyes, I hear Kate crawling across the floor. I hear her shooting at Brown. I hear him falling. I hear her falling."

"Richard, have you spoken to anybody about any of this?"

"You mean like a shrink?" He looked at her. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll be fine once Kate is here with me. I'll be able to sleep again when I have her here where she belongs."

"Darling, you and Katherine were both shot."

"I'm aware, Mother. I was there."

"What I'm trying to say is that fear isn't going to go away just because you're reunited with Kate. We've lived with Kate for more than two years. We've all experienced her PTSD."

"Mother, I don't have PTSD," he scoffed.

"And might I remind you that those are the exact same words that came out of Katherine's mouth at one time. Richard, I'm not saying that it's PTSD. After all, it's only been a few days since this happened. I'm certain that most of what you're experiencing is perfectly normal after such a traumatic event. Perhaps you're right and your issues with sleeping will go away once Katherine gets here. But what if it doesn't?"

"Then I'll deal with it, then. Have you talked to Alexis today?"

"Not since earlier this morning when she was leaving my apartment to visit with you. Is something wrong?"

"Kate is refusing to go back to the loft. When we leave here, I'll either take her to the Hamptons or to a hotel. In a couple of weeks or so, I'm going to take her to Paris. While we're in Europe, I'm going to have the loft completely remodeled. Floor to ceiling. The entire apartment. I'm putting Alexis in charge of the project. I know that you want to help," he quickly jumped in when he saw her starting to object, "and I want you to. Mother, I want to put you in charge of the baby's room. I remember . . . I remember when you decorated Alexis' room when she was a baby."

"You remember that?" Martha was genuinely moved at the memory.

"Yes, and you did a beautiful job. The colors were soothing for an infant. I know that you will do a great job this time, too. I've already told Alexis."

"Thank you, Richard. Thank you so much," she kissed his cheek.

"Knock, knock," they both looked at the doorway and smiled at the sight of Jim standing in the doorway with Kate in a wheelchair. "I've brought you a roommate."

"Look at you," Castle beamed.

"Yeah, look at me," she beamed back. "I can even walk, although I'm in excruciating pain afterward."

"I want you calling a nurse when you need to get up," Jim warned her.

"I'll take care of her, Jim," Castle promised.

"I'm serious, Rick. Walking is still difficult for her. Make her ring for a nurse when she needs to get out of bed."

"You've got it."

"Jim, why don't you and I go get some coffee. I'm sure that Richard and Katherine would love some alone time."

"We'll be back in a little while," Jim kissed Kate's cheek before leaving the room with Martha.

"I'm sorry about that," Kate apologized for her father. "I've only been up and walking since this morning. It hurt walking after my other shooting, too."

"Yeah, I didn't think walking would be so hard when I got hit in the shoulder. How's Lily?"

"Glad to be near her daddy," Kate smiled, playing along with his game. If he wanted to call their unborn child by name, who was she to stop him?

"Chief Gates was here earlier with Capt. Donovan."

"They talked to you about the shooting?"

"Yeah. Chief Gates said they'll be talking to you when you're stronger."

"I don't remember all of it, Castle." 

"Just tell them what you do remember. That's what I did. Donovan said that it was a good shoot, Kate. He said that he read the report from ESU. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to call Dr. O'Malley in the morning. I want him to do another ultrasound to make sure that everything's okay with the baby. I want a picture that we can show our family and friends."

"A picture that we can put in Lily's baby book," he added.

"I want to find out why I haven't had morning sickness."

"Do you feel like you're pregnant, at all?"

"Not really, but I think it's because I've been so out of it with the pain meds and the other stuff they've been giving me."

"Are you excited?"

"I want to be, but right now, I'm just scared. I want to know for certain that everything's all right. I think once I know that the baby's okay, I'll be more excited. Are you excited?"

"Sometimes, I feel the same way that you do, but then I think about how things can be a year from now and I get really excited," his grin was huge. "Right now, I'm so happy that you're here with me. Maybe now I can stop being so afraid."

"What're you afraid of?"

"Everything," he sighed, staring down at his lap. "I'm afraid that Vikram will come back and finish what Brown started; I'm afraid that you'll have complications and leave me with another baby—"

"Castle . . . Rick, no," she winced as she eased her wheelchair closer to the chair where he was sitting. "Do you remember what I told you when we were taking care of Cosmo? I told you that I would never leave you to raise our child alone and I mean that. We're going to do this together. All of it. The weird cravings, childbirth classes, shopping for furniture and clothes. _All of it_. I want nothing more in this world than to have your baby."

"You're really excited about this?"

"Of course I'm excited about this. Castle, I'm not Meredith. I'll be more excited once I know that everything's okay. I love you. I'm still in a state of shock. I didn't think I'd get pregnant within five minutes of having my IUD removed."

"My little swimmers probably shouted at each other, 'Hey guys, she removed the roadblock,' before swimming home," he joked as Kate laughed.

"Don't make me laugh, Castle. It hurts to laugh," she complained.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Castle," a nurse walked into the room. "I see you have a roommate. Please tell me you're not going to cause problems by having pillow fights and giggle sessions in the middle of the night."

"Charlotte, we have to have some mischief to get into. I mean, it's not like we can have sex. Kate, this is Charlotte, the least Nurse Ratched nurse that I know. Charlotte, this is my wife, Kate."

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a _lot_ about you. I'm here to make sure that you're still comfortable or if you would like to move into your bed."

"I'd like to move her into _my_ bed," Castle quipped.

"Not going to happen, mister," Charlotte quipped back.

"Can I stay in the wheelchair for another 10 minutes?" Kate asked.

"You can do that, but don't move by yourself. I'll come back in to help you. I expect you'll be going to PT first thing in the morning."

"It'll definitely be the highlight of your day," Castle told his wife.

"Don't pay any attention to Mr. Funny Man," Charlotte told Kate. "I'll be back in a few minutes to help you into bed. Her _own_ bed," she shot a look at Castle before leaving the room.

"Let me guess. She's a fan."

"No, not really. She says she's more into Patterson. I'm doing my best to change her mind though."

Kate woke up sometime later that night, not even remembering going to sleep. She'd had dinner with Castle and they'd talked for a while, mainly about the baby. They tried to keep their conversations on neutral subjects, carefully avoiding the rather large elephant in the room. She knew at some point that they were going to have to talk about what had happened in their apartment that morning.

After letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, she looked over to Castle's bed. But instead of hearing his deep breathing and occasional snore, which were sounds that she was used to hearing when she woke up beside Castle in the middle of the night, this time she heard him mumbling something in his sleep. After carefully listening, she realized that he was mumbling her name followed by the word 'No.' "Rick?" She quietly called out.

Debating against ringing for a nurse, she cautiously sat up and put her legs over the edge of the bed, taking several deep breaths before rising to her feet, holding onto the mattress to make sure that she had her balance. Hissing against the tugging, burning pain in her lower abdomen, she took several shuffling steps over to her husband's bed. "Castle?" She brushed her hand over his forehead, pushing back that one stubborn lock of hair that always fell across his forehead when he slept. "Rick? It's okay. I'm right here."

"Mrs. Castle?" Kate turned to find one of the night shift nurses standing in the doorway. "You shouldn't be getting out of bed by yourself. We've talked about this."

"He's dreaming. He needed me."

"He has a lot of bad dreams. That's one reason why he wanders around in the middle of the night. Let's get you back into bed," she approached Kate, placing one hand under her elbow.

"Nancy, leave her alone," Castle's voice was raspy. "Just get her a chair."

The nurse pursed disapproving lips, but she moved a chair over for Kate to sit down. "Thank you."

"Ring when you're ready to move back to your own bed."

"I didn't mean to wake you up," he pushed a button to raise his bed up slightly.

"It's okay. It's not like I sleep, anyway."

"You, too?" He asked as she nodded. "I can't get any of it out of my head, Kate. The gunshots, the sound of you trying to crawl to me. It's like a movie that replays over and over when I close my eyes."

"I know. I heard you trying to move to get to me. That's why I can't go back there, Castle. I thought I had lost you."

"We have to figure out a way to sleep, Kate. You're especially going to need your rest with the pregnancy."

"I'll call Burke. He can help."

"I wish . . . I wish that we could share a bed."

"We'll get out of here soon and then we'll be together in the same bed. How about if I tell you a story instead of you telling me a story?"

"Tell me about the first time you told me that you loved me," his voice was heavy with sleep.

"I was standing on a bomb and the bomb squad commander told you that you had to leave. I didn't want you to go, but I didn't want to put your life in danger. You were so sad about having to leave me. It was written all over your face. I was so scared. I knew that I had to say it while I had a chance. When you were getting ready to leave, I called out your name. When you turned around, I told you that I love you. You told me that you love me, too. But after you left, I whispered the word 'Always' under my breath. Our word, Castle. Because I will never stop loving you. I told Mason Wood that I was crazy for you. That you are the love of my life. Now, I want you to close your eyes and go to sleep. I'm going to ring for Nurse Nancy so that she can help me back to my bed."

"I love you, Kate," he whispered as he closed his eyes.

Kate waited a moment before she pushed the button on Castle's bedrail for the nurse. Nancy appeared seconds later and helped her back into bed. "Can I get something for the pain? It's really bad right now," she asked after the nurse tucked the blankets in around her.

"I'll be right back with a pill."

"Thank you."

***CCC***

The next morning, Ryan and Esposito walked into the lobby of the hospital and were walking toward the elevator when something caught Ryan's eye. "Hey, Espo?" He whispered, pointing ahead of him.

The man was walking with his head down looking at the floor. He was dressed in dark slacks and a tan tweed jacket. But even from behind, there was no mistaking who it was. Espo put his finger to his lips as they fell into step behind the man, who pushed the 'up' button for the elevator. "Vikram?" Espo put his hand on one elbow as Ryan grabbed the other, preventing their suspect from escaping. "Bro, welcome back from the dead. Now, you're under arrest."

The look on Vikram Singh's face was somewhere between resignation and relief. "Look, this isn't what it looks like."

"Nothing ever is, dude. Nothing ever is," Ryan said as he took out his handcuffs and placed Vikram's hands behind his back, securely cuffing him before reading him his rights.

 **A/N #3: In the next chapter, Gates and Esposito are going to talk to Vikram.**

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	19. The Road to Full Strength

**DISCLAIMERS: No, 'Castle' isn't my baby.**

 **SUMMARY: Kate meets her physical therapist as her pregnancy finally makes itself known to her. Gates interrogates Vikram Singh and makes a shocking discovery.**

 **A/N #1: Thanks, as always to Kelly, Angie, Jo, and my muses.**

 **A/N #2: This chapter starts where the previous chapter ends.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 19: The Road to Full Strength**

Kate opened her eyes to Castle sitting in a chair at her bedside with his phone in his hand. "Please tell me that you didn't take a new picture of me. Because I look like shit."

"No, I didn't take any pictures. Chief Gates sent me a text," he showed her his text messages.

' **Tell Beckett that Vikram Singh is in custody.'**

"They got him? Where?"

"I don't know. But now all of the usual suspects have been rounded up, so I guess we can get rid of our security," he nodded toward the closed door, where he knew two guards were posted.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?" He noticed that not only was Kate looking positively green, but she was sweating profusely. Instead of asking a thousand questions, he pushed the button on her bed rail. A nurse walked in within seconds. "I think my wife is sick."

"Okay," she stepped over to the bed and quickly lowered the bed rail before grabbing an emesis basin. "Mr. Castle, I need for you to move out of the way."

Pain ripped through Kate's body as she heaved into the basin, but it was more dry heaves than anything else because she had nothing in her system to come up. After two or three minutes, she collapsed, exhausted against the pillows. The nurse held a cup with a straw up for her to take a few drinks. "Thank you."

"I'll get you a fresh gown. Mr. Castle, you should get ready for breakfast. Raul will be expecting you."

"Okay, I have to ask," Kate looked at her husband once the nurse had left the room. "Who's Raul?"

"Raul is the King of Torture. He's my therapist. He'll probably be your therapist, too. How do you feel?"

"Awful. I think Lily is making her presence known."

"Or his," he reminded her.

"Castle, does anybody have my phone?"

"I think it's at the loft. I can have Alexis bring it to you."

"Thank you."

***CCC***

At the precinct, Chief Gates, Esposito and Ryan were all sitting across from a very nervous Vikram Singh. "Why were you at New York Presbyterian Hospital?" Gates asked. "Did someone tell you that Mr. Castle and Capt. Beckett had been shot? Were you there to finish the job?"

"No," Vikram was quick to shake his head. "No. I was there to talk to Capt. Beckett. To see if she could help me."

"Help you how?" Espo asked. "You were in with LokSat. She wasn't going to help you."

"Who told you that Castle and Beckett were at the hospital?" Gates asked, ignoring Espo's outburst.

"I got a call telling me that Caleb Brown had shot Castle and the captain."

"Who called you?"

"Rita," Vikram stared at his fingernails. "I had gone upstate after Caleb took me from here. I was staying at a farmhouse near Niagara Falls when Rita called me. I tried to get information on Castle and Beckett, but I couldn't find anything. I swear that I just wanted to talk to her. I never intended to get pulled in this deep with LokSat. It was all about the money."

"Mr. Singh, you forged documents to get a job with the AG's Office," Gates reminded him. "How am I supposed to believe anything that you say?"

"LokSat also knew that I'd got the job with the forged documents. That was the noose they held over my head to get me to do what they wanted me to do."

"How did Rita know that Castle and Beckett had survived?"

"I don't know. All she told me was that Brown was dead. I don't know how she knew they lived. I just wanted to talk to Beckett; that's all."

"Who was the dead guy in the trunk of the car?" Espo asked.

"I don't know. I didn't have anything to do with any of that. Wood told me to go upstate and he'd take care of everything else."

"When did LokSat first recruit you? Was it before you contacted Beckett for the first time back in September?" Espo asked.

"No, it was after. After the night when we ran into Hayley and Castle at the hangar."

"How long after?" Gates asked him.

"About a week, maybe a little longer. They told me that I had to do everything I could to keep Beckett away from LokSat. I did my best to steer her away, but it didn't do any good. I got a call back in November instructing me to get Beckett to go to the abandoned strip club. I'd been doing my work from there to keep prying eyes away. They told me to get Beckett to the strip club and they'd take care of the rest."

"Who took Capt. Beckett that morning?" Gates stared down their suspect.

"Wood was the one who took her. Mr. Flynn had told him that he could erase her memory; make her forget everything about LokSat. Only—"

"She forgot everything from the past seven years," Espo filled in, watching Vikram nod.

"But Mr. Flynn neglected to tell Mason Wood that the memory loss wouldn't be permanent. They all knew that once Capt. Beckett was returned to her life, she'd eventually regain her memory."

"And they couldn't allow that to happen."

"What's going to happen to me?"

"For right now, you're going to a holding cell. Once you're booked, you can call your attorney. Oh, wait!" Gates snapped her fingers. "Your attorney is dead!"

"I can't afford one, anyway."

"We'll get someone from the Public Defender's Office for you," Espo walked over and helped Vikram to his feet before escorting him from the room.

Gates stood up and left the interrogation room, walking back into the bull pen. "Ryan, when Esposito gets back, tell him I've gone to the hospital to talk to Castle and Beckett!"

"Yes, sir."

***CCC***

Kate was lying against her pillows feeling positively ghastly when she heard a light rap on her door. She opened her eyes and smiled at Martha standing in the doorway with a brightly colored shopping bag. "Good morning, my darling," she breezed over to the bed, placing a light kiss on Kate's forehead. "Where's Richard?"

"Physical therapy. Right now, I'm too sick to go."

"Sick? What's wrong?"

"I'm fairly sure it's morning sickness. I guess that I should be careful what I wish for. I'm waiting for a visit from my regular OB/GYN. He told me he'll try to stop by on his lunch hour or in between delivering babies."

"Well, I brought you something that I hope will make you feel better," Martha announced as Kate pressed the button on her bed rail, raising the bed slightly. "I know that you're not going to be able to wear anything with a waistband, so I found these in a boutique near the loft."

Martha removed several brightly colored smock-like dresses, all different colors, but each one prettier than the one before. "Oh Martha, these are beautiful!"

"And I think they're flowing enough for you to wear during your pregnancy, as well. When I was pregnant with Richard, everything seemed to have baby bunnies or ducklings on them. Absolutely hideous!" She shuddered at the memory.

"Oh Martha, don't make me laugh. It hurts to laugh," Kate grasped her side, trying to ignore the pain flaring through her body. Paired with the nausea, it wasn't making for the most pleasant of mornings.

"I'm glad that I am able to make you laugh, darling. I was sure that you'd be terribly upset after what transpired this morning with Detectives Ryan and Esposito catching that awful man trying to get on the elevator."

"Martha, are you talking about Vikram?" Kate felt panic welling in her chest. "They caught him here?"

"Oh Katherine, I'm so sorry. I assumed that you knew. Chief Gates called Alexis and told her. She was the one who called and let me know."

"I knew he'd been caught. Chief Gates sent a message to Castle. She didn't say he was caught here at the hospital. Was he here to finish the job?"

"Katherine, you're safe," Martha could see her daughter-in-law starting to panic. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to alarm you. He's in custody, Katherine. You and Richard are safe."

"How do you know that? How do you know LokSat hasn't sent someone else? We're never going to be safe anywhere and now we have a baby to worry about! What in the hell was I thinking getting pregnant right now?"

"Kate, I'm going to get a nurse."

"I don't need a nurse! I need to know that Rick and I are safe! I need to know that we're not going to have to spend the rest of our lives watching over our shoulders!"

"For right now, you're both very safe. Right now, you need to think about this baby and relax. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Kiddo, don't ever worry about taking your emotions out on me. I've got big shoulders. I can handle it. How much longer is Richard going to be?"

"He should be back in another 15 or 20 minutes."

"Then I will wait with you until he returns."

"I would love that," Kate smiled. "I love my new dresses. Thank you."

"You're quite welcome. You're going to discover that being comfortable counts for everything when you're pregnant. Now, why don't you close your eyes and rest a bit before Richard comes back?"

Castle was on his way back to his room following his therapy session when he was stopped by his doctor, Dr. Jennings. "I was going to stop by and check on you soon, Mr. Castle. How do you feel about going home?"

"I'm not going anywhere until Kate is discharged, as well."

"Mr. Castle, it's going to be several more days before your wife is considered well enough to be discharged."

"That's fine. I'm not leaving here without her."

"Mr. Castle—"

"No!" Castle shouted. "I thought that I made myself very clear when I was moved here from ICU. I wanted Kate in my room when she was moved and I wasn't leaving here until she can leave here with me. I'm not arguing with you about this."

"Richard, what is going on?" Martha had stepped out of the room when she heard her son's raised voice.

"They want me to leave here without Kate. That isn't going to happen," he said through tightly clenched teeth.

"Richard, go and see about Kate. I'll talk to Dr. Jennings. Go," she urged him when he hesitated. "She was upset earlier. Go and see about her."

"I'm not leaving here without Kate. If you dare to bring me discharge papers today, I'll rip them up!" He warned, pointing his finger at Dr. Jennings to emphasize his point.

"Mrs. Rodgers, I wasn't suggesting that your son leave here without his wife. I just thought that he'd be anxious to get out of here and go home."

"Right now, my son and daughter-in-law don't have a home. Their home is in complete disarray. Neither of them feel safe, especially not without each other. Is it really so awful to allow him to stay with Kate while she recuperates?"

"I suppose not. I didn't mean to upset him. I'll wait on discharging him."

"Thank you."

In their room, Castle was stroking Kate's arm, his eyes deeply troubled. "Are you okay? I heard you shouting a few minutes ago."

"The doctor was talking about discharging me. I told him that I'm not going anywhere without my partner. Mother said that you were upset. What happened?"

"Castle, Ryan and Esposito arrested Vikram here at the hospital. Did Gates tell you that?"

"No. How did Mother know?"

"Gates told Alexis. Castle, what if it isn't over? What if they send somebody else?"

"Hey, it's all right. _We're_ all right."

She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "I'm so excited about this baby, but I'm also so terrified. I'll do anything to keep her safe, Castle."

"I know, because that's what parents do. You know that I love Alexis, right?"

"Of course. It was one of the first things that I loved about you."

"When I found out that Meredith was pregnant, at first I was upset. We weren't serious, not even close. But I knew that I wanted to be a father. I was so excited about every aspect of Meredith's pregnancy, even though she didn't include me on most of it. But this time, I'm so much more excited. That's because I know how much we love each other. And I know we're going to be in this together every step of the way."

"I know that I want you there for every doctor's appointment, every sonogram, every new and weird thing along the way. And I definitely want you there when this baby makes hers or his debut into the world."

"I wouldn't miss it," he grinned, standing up and pressing his lips to hers.

They stopped kissing when they heard someone clearing their throats. They broke apart and Kate smiled at her OB/GYN. "Dr. O'Malley, I'm glad that you stopped by. This is my husband, Rick."

"Mr. Castle," Dr. O'Malley shook his hand. "I must admit that I'm a fan of your Derrick Storm books."

"Thank you."

"I spoke with both Dr. Addison and Dr. Benton, your surgeon. I'll get you wheeled downstairs for another sonogram after we talk."

"I'm just wondering if we should be concerned about the medications that I have received since being admitted to the hospital."

"You're right to have concerns. The first trimester, as you both know, is the most critical time, in a developing fetus' life. I must admit that I'm surprised that the baby survived both the initial trauma along with the blood loss and then a lengthy surgery. Right now, I consider this pregnancy nothing short of a miracle."

"Is there still a chance that I could lose the baby?" Kate's voice was shaky as Castle attempted to calm her.

"That is still a possibility. I will do another sonogram to try to determine exactly how far along you are. Dr. Addison estimated that you're approximately eight weeks."

"When can I relax?" 

"Kate, you're pregnant," Dr. O'Malley chuckled. "You're never going to relax again. As far as the pregnancy goes, the ideal time to let your breath out just a bit is 13 weeks. I tell my patients that they can relax a bit at 14 weeks. That usually makes all of us feel better. Let me go see if I can find an orderly and we'll wheel you downstairs for an ultrasound."

Moments later, Dr. O'Malley returned with an orderly who helped her get Kate in a wheelchair. Castle handed her a pillow from the bed to place against her abdomen to cushion it in case she had to sneeze or cough. He noticed her watching everybody when they got into the elevator and went downstairs.

Once downstairs in Labor and Delivery, Dr. O'Malley and Castle helped Kate onto the table and flat on her back. "This gel's going to be cold," Dr. O'Malley warned, lifting Kate's gown and squiring transducer gel on her stomach. He then turned on the ultrasound machine and moved the wand over the gel to spread it around. "At this point, the image isn't going to look like anything but a gray and black blob. And there we go."

Kate and Castle couldn't tell what the image on the screen was, except for the heart beating, which was very noticeable. "Can you tell how far along I am?"

"Judging by what I'm seeing, I'd say that Dr. Addison was correct. You're eight, maybe nine weeks pregnant. When you come in to see me after you're released, I'll do a vaginal ultrasound. It's much more accurate and will give us a clearer picture."

"A vaginal ultrasound? Is that what it sounds like?" Castle looked slightly sick.

"Yeah, Castle. It's exactly what it sounds like," Kate grinned at her husband.

"Would you like your first pictures of your baby?"

"Yeah, several copies," Kate told him. "Right now, everything looks okay?"

"Kate, right now, everything looks perfect. I want you to call me when you're discharged."

"I will. I do have one question right now. We're planning on going to Paris after the doctors give us the okay. Is that okay?" Kate looked at Dr. O'Malley before looking at Rick.

"I think going away for a week or two is a great idea. It'll give you a chance to relax."

"Uh, we're planning on staying in Paris until the fall," Castle said.

"Oh," Dr. O'Malley had a thoughtful look on his face. "Well, I will check into finding you the best OB/GYN in Paris. English speaking, of course."

"It's all right. I can speak French."

"I'll see what I can do. For right now, I want you to rest and take care of yourself. When you're tired, take a nap."

"Are you sure that there won't be problems down the road with the pregnancy?"

"Kate, there's no way of telling. I'll recommend a wonderful doctor for you while you're in Paris and once you return to the states, I'll see you again. We'll know more as your pregnancy progresses. For now, let the doctors and Rick here take care of you. Enjoy Paris."

"Thank you," she smiled.

After taking her back to their room, Dr. O'Malley left to return to his practice, leaving Kate and Castle alone. "What're you thinking about?" Kate asked, patting the bed beside her. "I can almost see the wheels turning."

"I want to take you to Paris," he sat down carefully on the edge of her bed. "But I also want you to be safe."

"Castle, Dr. O'Malley didn't say that we couldn't go. We need this, Rick. While going to the Hamptons is a wonderful idea, it's still too close. We need to get some serious distance away from the city; away from the news coverage about LokSat. We're both doing fine right now, but I know from past experience that we aren't going to stay that way."

"You're talking about Post-Traumatic Stress," he looked at her as she nodded. "Do you really think leaving the country is going to stop that from happening?"

"No. But I want to go somewhere where we can just be expectant parents; where we can live in some degree of anonymity. If for whatever reason, Dr. O'Malley decides that it's too risky for me to go, then we'll come up with a plan B. But for right now, let's make plans to go to Paris. Let's shoot for a target date of June first."

"Okay, June first it is," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her when they were once again interrupted by a knock on their door. "This room is turning into Grand Central Station today. Come in!" He called out.

The man who entered the room stood about Castle's height, but he had the muscular build of a weightlifter. Castle felt Kate instantly tense up beside him. "Mrs. Castle? I'm Chris Owens. I'm going to be your physical therapist. I was wondering if we could chat for a bit. Just to get acquainted."

Kate glanced warily at Castle, who gave her a slight nod, signaling that he felt everything was okay. "Can I see your badge?" She asked as he unclipped his employee badge from the top of his shirt and handed it to her. "Okay," she handed it back to him.

"I'll see if I can find you something to snack on," Castle kissed the top of her head before leaving the room.

"I've gone over your chart and I understand that you're pregnant."

"I was sick this morning. That's why—"

"I know," he nodded. "I set up your PT schedule for mid-afternoon. I really want to get you walking upright as soon as possible."

"That sounds great to me, but my incision really pulls—"

"I know that, too. Let me guess," he assessed her condition quickly, "right now, when you're walking, it's kind of hunched over and you're shuffling like a 90-year-old woman."

"That sounds like me. I was shot before, five years ago. And that time I also had a lot of trouble walking normally. It took a long time before I stopped walking like I was looking for loose change on the ground."

"Then you know that this isn't going to be easy. There are going to be times when you're going to call me every name in the book and times when I'm going to be doing the same. But the bottom line is I'm not your friend. I'm here to help you get better. If you don't start walking normally, it's going to cause a lot of problems as your pregnancy progresses."

"What about my shoulder?"

"We'll work on that, too. But right now, my main concern is to get you upright. The sooner that I get you upright, the sooner that you can go home."

"Home sounds great."

"Good. Then I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at around two o'clock."

***CCC***

Chief Gates was looking over her notes from her interrogation of Vikram Singh when something suddenly jumped out at her. Something Mr. Singh had said during the interview. She made a phone call, spoke to the person on the other end for several minutes and then went in search of Detectives Ryan and Esposito. "Ryan! I want you to get Hayley Shipton's phone records. Here's the warrant," she handed it over to him. "Judge Markway just faxed it over. Let me know when you get them."

"What's that all about?" Espo asked after Gates went back to Beckett's office where she'd set up shop.

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out," Ryan pulled out his cell phone.

An hour later, Gates was going over reports when Ryan tapped on her door. She waved him and his partner into the office. "Did you get Ms. Shipton's phone records?"

"Yes, sir," Ryan handed them over to her, watching her examine them carefully. "Sir, do you mind if we ask what you're looking for?"

"Vikram Singh said that Rita made the call to him regarding Caleb Brown. That wouldn't have been possible because- 

"Rita was in custody when Castle and Beckett were shot," Espo filled in.

"We also told the press that they had both died in the shootout with Caleb Brown. Whoever called Vikram knew that Castle and Beckett had survived and knew where they were. The only person who could've made that call was someone who knew that information firsthand. Ms. Shipton made a phone call to the Niagara Falls area on the afternoon that Castle and Beckett were shot. She made a second call two days ago."

"Sir, Alexis is at the P.I. office with Hayley," Espo took out his phone.

"No," Gates warned. "If you tip Alexis off, it could put her in danger. Let's go pick up Ms. Shipton."

Alexis and Hayley were in the office working on files when the door opened. "This is a nice surprise," Alexis said when the boys and Chief Gates walked in.

"I wish that this were a social call, Alexis, but it isn't," Espo looked past Alexis at Hayley. "You knew all along that Vikram Singh wasn't dead, didn't you, Hayley?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"When we questioned Vikram this morning and asked him how he heard that Caleb Brown was dead, he told us that Rita called him," Ryan continued the interrogation. "Only Rita couldn't have called and told him because she was in custody and had no idea that Caleb had shot Castle and Beckett."

"What's going on?" Alexis asked, staring at the woman who she'd thought of as a friend and mentor. "Hayley, what're they talking about?"

"They have obviously lost their bloody minds. I didn't even know Vikram Singh. How would I know how to contact him?"

"Phone records don't lie," Gates pulled out a copy of Hayley's cell phone log and showed her the calls to Niagara Falls that she'd highlighted in yellow. There had been four calls in all, each lasting several minutes. "Vikram was picked up at New York Presbyterian this morning. The only way he possibly could've known where Capt. Beckett and Richard Castle were is if someone close to the case had told him. That only leaves the people in this room right now and Lanie Parish."

"Alexis, I wasn't lying when I said I was fond of you and your father," Hayley desperately tried to explain her actions. "I only wanted them to stop looking into LokSat. No one was supposed to get hurt."

"You brought people in to clean up the crime scene. Was that just an excuse to place more listening devices? How could you do that to them? How could you do that to me? We trusted you! All of us!" Alexis waved her arm at her friends. "We considered you family! You sat in a booth with us at my father's bar, knowing that my dad and Kate were probably about to die!"

"Alexis, I'm so sorry—"

"Sorry? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"Hayley Shipton, you're under arrest for the attempted murders of Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle. Put your hands behind your back," Espo instructed her before he slapped handcuffs on her and led her out of the door.

"Alexis, are you all right?" Chief Gates asked the young woman after Espo and Ryan had taken Hayley away.

"How am I supposed to explain this to my dad? He thought Hayley was someone that he could trust."

"We'll all go with you when you talk to him and Kate. Right now, I'd suggest getting someone in to sweep this office and your apartment."

"Is it really all over now? Is Hayley the end of it?"

"I don't know. Unless one of the players makes a deal and starts talking, we're not going to know."

***CCC***

"We have a problem," Kate announced when she and Castle attempted to cuddle together in one of the two too narrow hospital beds. "If I lay against your good shoulder, it irritates my gunshot wound."

"And if you lay against my bad shoulder, it irritates my gunshot wound. Having matching bullet wounds sucks, Beckett."

"I know. And I really, really need to cuddle with you."

He smiled at her, brushing his hand against her cheek. Walking to the bathroom a short time earlier had proven more taxing than either of them realized. "I have an idea that may work," he reached for a pillow that a nurse had placed at the end of his bed. Placing it against his injured arm, he motioned for Kate to rest her head against it. "Okay, move down just a little. Perfect. Is that better?"

After a bit of settling in, Kate rested her cheek happily near Castle's heart, listening to the steady beat that always soothed her late at night when she couldn't sleep. "This is good. Are you okay?"

"It's a little uncomfortable, but nothing that I can't handle."

She was almost asleep when she heard the door opening. She opened her eyes to find their friends and family standing there. Gates, Ryan, Espo, Lanie, Martha, Alexis, and her dad. "Are we having a party that we forgot about?" Castle joked as Kate struggled to sit up. "Alexis, what's wrong?" He couldn't help but notice his daughter's red-rimmed and watery eyes.

"Dad, we have something to tell you. Ryan and Esposito arrested Hayley."

"Wait. Hayley is one of us," Castle argued as the boys shook their heads.

"Hayley is the one who called Vikram and told him where you were," Espo said. "LokSat brought her in to keep you and Beckett from getting too close to him."

"Did she contract Caleb Brown to shoot us?" Kate asked.

"No, we don't think so, but we do think she had knowledge that it was going to happen. She's in the custody of the feds now, so we can't talk to her," Ryan said.

"I trusted her," Castle's voice was choked up. "I entrusted her with my daughter. What if . . . what if—" 

"Daddy, I'm okay. We think it's definitely all over now," Alexis walked over and wrapped her arms around her father. "You and Kate are safe. I'm having the office and the loft swept again for bugs. I'll stay with Grams until I get an all-clear."

"Did she say anything? Did she give any explanation?" Kate asked.

"Just that she was supposed to keep you from digging too deep. She said that no one was supposed to have gotten hurt."

"No one was supposed to have gotten hurt?" Castle was outraged. "We almost bled to death in our kitchen!"

"Rick, it's okay," Kate soothed him. "It's all right. Think of Lily and Paris."

"What's this about Paris?" Espo asked. "Are you guys leaving the country?"

"I'm going to take Kate away for a few months. We just need to get away from the city. So, we've decided that we're going to go to Paris in early June and return in the late fall. We'll have the baby here surrounded by our families."

"Speaking of the baby, here's a picture," Kate passed the sonogram picture to Alexis, who passed it around to the others.

"Girl, you're having a little Castle baby!" Lanie squealed, hugging Kate as everybody laughed.

"Ow! Not so hard!" Kate protested as Lanie reluctantly released her.

"I have to hug you too, Castle!" Lanie ran over and embraced Castle. "I'm glad that there's at least some joy to come out of this LokSat situation."

"Please promise me that you two will stay out of trouble when you return to the states," Gates scolded them.

"We will. I'm going to take some time off to learn how to be a mom," Kate clutched Castle's hand, smiling at him.

"You're going to do great," Martha told her. "I'm going to take Alexis home with me. You two are more than welcome to stay with me when you're released."

"Uh," Castle glanced over at Kate, who appeared panic-stricken at the thought, "that's very generous of you, Mother, and we will definitely consider it."

After visiting for a while longer, their guests left, leaving Castle and Beckett alone once again. "Castle, please tell me that we're not going to stay with your mother. I adore Martha, but she is living in a one-bedroom apartment. We'll be living on top of one another."

"No," he quickly shook his head. "We'll stick to our original plan. We'll either go to the Hamptons for a few days or we'll check into the Four Seasons. We're _not_ staying with my mother. Where would you like to go?"

"While I love staying in the Hamptons, the house is in the middle of nowhere. What if one of us gets sick and has to see a doctor?"

"The Four Seasons is nice. We'll have hot and cold running room service," he kissed her cheek, smiling when she melted against him.

"How long will we stay there?"

"Not long. Just long enough so that we're both strong enough to deal with a long airplane flight. The very second that we can leave, Kate, we'll go." 

"Are you okay?" She knew that the news regarding Hayley had floored him.

"I thought that she was on our side."

"I know. I'm so, so sorry," she snuggled closer into his chest, wishing that his arm could come around her, holding her close like she was used to.

"I can't wait until I can hold you again," he said, as if reading her mind.

"Me, either," she smiled against his chest, her fingers stroking over his pajama top.

Kate couldn't wait until they could leave the hospital and start recuperating away from doctors and nurses. She couldn't wait until they were both healthy enough to go to Paris. June first couldn't come soon enough for her.

 **A/N #3: The reason that I had Hayley turn into a villain was due to a mistake that I made during Vikram's interrogation. Rather than changing a scene, I decided to take a different route. When Kelly read it, she told me, 'Don't change one word!'**

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	20. Facing Demons

**A/N #1: I'm going to use a different tact to get more story and less filler. There is going to be a time jump in this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: I want to thank my reviewer Kae, who informed me that it's not safe for pregnant women to fly. My research showed that it depends on the airline. It's trickier in the second trimester, so I will address this in a later chapter.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 20: Facing Demons**

 _May 26_

Kate was lying in her hospital bed waiting for Castle to return so that they could head to the Hamptons where they were staying for the next several days until they left for Paris on June first.

Castle had been released a few days before and Kate had convinced him to stay with his mother; that she didn't need him hovering over her every second of every day. That morning he had an appointment to meet with the real estate broker who had found a small apartment for them to rent while they were in Paris. Castle had left her that morning promising to return with pictures of their new temporary home.

The day before Kate had received final visits from all her doctors, all of whom had given her numbers for doctors to see after they arrived in Paris. Dr. O'Malley had told her to get as much rest as she could, especially in the upcoming months. He expressed concern about her abdominal wound causing problems down the road. His words now weighed heavily on Kate's mind.

" _Kate, I want you to use Vitamin E and cocoa butter on that scar while it heals," Dr. O'Malley had told her the day before._

" _Could it rupture?" The thought was terrifying._

" _Probably not, but it will become uncomfortable as your skin stretches. The Vitamin E and cocoa butter will help. We'll discuss your options when you return to the states."_

" _Dr. O'Malley, I don't want a C-section."_

" _Kate, I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening. But the choice might not be ours to make. Babies always have their own ideas in the end. Let Castle help with the lotions. Most men enjoy doing that for their wives," he chuckled._

"Hey, girl," Kate smiled when Lanie popped her head in the door. "I heard that you're leaving this joint today."

"Yeah, I'm waiting on Rick now," she struggled to sit up. "He had a couple of errands to run."

"Where are you going?"

"To the Hamptons. We leave for Paris Monday evening."

"Alexis told me. She said that she's overseeing the renovation of the loft while you're gone. The boys and I have offered to help. So have Chief Gates and her husband. How are you feeling?"

"I hurt, Lanie. I hurt all the time. My doctor said that the pain will ease in time, but sometimes I just want to scream."

"Sweetie, does Castle know about this?" Lanie's eyes showed her deep concern for her best friend.

"Lanie, I've almost broke his fingers from squeezing his hand so hard. I know that he hurts, too."

"What about the pain medication?"

"I hate taking it, Lanie. I know that they tell me that it's safe, but what if they're wrong?"

"Kate, they wouldn't give you something if it wasn't safe for the baby. Maybe it'll get better when you're able to get out of here. But you need to take something if you're in pain."

"I have awful dreams."

"What do you dream about?"

"I dream about Mason Wood telling me that he'd murdered Castle and had put him in that incinerator. I dream about Caleb . . . I dream about him standing over Castle, getting ready to kill him. I thought that I'd lost him, Lanie," she sniffled, smiling when Lanie handed her a tissue.

"We were sitting around a table at The Old Haunt when Castle called. We were getting ready to tease him about why he wasn't getting his freak on with you instead of talking to us. But when he said that Caleb had shot the both of you . . . Kate, we were terrified of what we were going to find when we got there."

"I didn't even know that he'd called anybody. I couldn't hear or feel anything."

Lanie knew that she had to change the conversation to cheer her best friend up. "I can't believe that my best friend is having a baby!" She gushed, causing Kate to laugh. "I'm going to be an auntie!"

"I can already tell that you're going to be the good cop. I'm starting to feel pregnant. I've been lucky that I haven't had a lot of morning sickness. Dr. O'Malley said that's perfectly normal. But my boobs," she grimaced, this time making Lanie laugh. "The girls hurt, Lanie."

"Girl," Lanie reached out and hugged Kate, "I'm so thankful that you're all right."

"Me, too."

***CCC***

Castle walked into a small real estate office to make final arrangements for the apartment that he'd rented for him and Kate during their stay in Paris. "Mr. Castle," a tall blonde woman stepped out from behind a desk. "I'm Liz Carter. We've spoken on the phone."

"Yes. It's nice to put a face with the name."

"I've drawn up the final contracts for the apartment that you've rented in Paris. The owner will be out of the country for several months and is very grateful to find a responsible tenant for his home. Here are the pictures of the residence," she handed Castle a manila folder. "As requested, there are two bedrooms and one bath. The apartment also has a rather large terrace. It's close to the metro and many of the tourists' destinations. The Eiffel Tower is a five-minute walk from the apartment."

"What about shopping venues?"

"There is a small shop and a farmer's market that is one stop away on the metro. The neighborhood is quiet and the owner has said that many of the tenants of his building are either older retired people or professionals, so the apartment itself is very quiet. What do you think?"

"It looks like everything that we're looking for. When I leave here, I'm going to get my wife from the hospital. I'll show her the photographs to see what she thinks. If she's in agreement, then I'll bring her back and we'll sign the contract. But I don't think she's going to have a problem."

"I will be stepping out for lunch at around 11, but I will be back shortly after noon. I hope to see the both of you then," she shook his hand.

Leaving the office, Castle glanced at his watch. He had one more stop to make before returning to the hospital to pick Kate up. He got behind the wheel of his Buick and drove to see his contractor about the plans for the loft. Kate had voiced very specific requests when they'd discussed the renovation the night before.

 _They had been curled up together on her narrow hospital bed while Castle clicked through the various ideas Jake Reece had sent to them. "He wants to bring the kitchen out some and place a center island. What do you think?"_

" _Castle, where is the nursery going to be?"_

" _I was thinking of converting Mother's old room—"_

" _No," she sat up, shaking her head. "No. The baby needs to be downstairs near us. I know that you need your office, but I have to have the baby nearby."_

" _Okay. What about later?"_

" _When the baby gets older, then we can move him or her upstairs. But for right now, I need to know that the baby is safe."_

" _Kate, everything's going to be all right. Jake is going to install a state of the art security system. Nobody is going to ever get into our home again without us knowing it."_

" _You tell him when you see him tomorrow that the baby's room has to be downstairs."_

"Kate is absolutely adamant about it, Jake," Castle told his contractor and long-time friend 20 minutes later. "Can you pull it off?"

"I don't know, Rick," Jake laid out his blueprints for the renovation. "It might mean completely gutting your master bedroom and the walk-in closet. I'm not that guy from the TV home improvement show. You've given me almost four months, but that might not be enough time to do what you want."

"Jake, you don't have to touch the upstairs. We just need to erase what happened that morning. That means the kitchen and living room. Can you do this?" Castle took the blueprints and the carpenter's pencil. "Can you move my office and take part of that space along with part of the master bedroom to create the nursery?"

"You're saying to make your office smaller?" Jake looked at Castle, who eagerly nodded in agreement. "I think I can swing that."

"My office doesn't have to be huge. I just need a comfortable place to write. If the nursery was to be in between the office and the master bedroom, either of us could hear the baby and I'd still be near enough if Kate needed me."

"I understand that I'm getting some apprentices."

"My friends and family just want to make sure that the work is done before we return from Paris."

"I hope that your family is handy with paint brushes and hanging drywall."

"If not, they're quick studies," Castle grinned. "Can I get pictures of what you're planning so I can show Kate?"

"I'll email them to you. You should have them by the time you get to the hospital to pick her up. How are the two of you coming along? I was sorry to hear about what had happened."

"We're healing. Kate's having a rougher time than I am. That's why I think the trip will do her good."

"Take care of each other, okay?"

"We will. Thank you, Jake."

"You might not be thanking me when you get my bill," he called after him.

"You'll make it worth every dime! I'm sure of it!" Castle called back over his shoulder.

It was almost 11 by the time Castle got back to the hospital to pick up Kate. She'd signed her discharge papers the night before, so it was only a matter of finding an orderly to wheel her downstairs to the car. "Mr. Castle!" Castle turned to find Kate's OB/GYN approaching him. He'd met Dr. O'Malley a few days before. "Can I talk to you before you check Kate out?"

"Is everything okay?" Castle followed the doctor to a nearby waiting area.

"Kate's fine. I understand that she's being rather stubborn about taking her pain pills."

"Stubborn is a good word for it. She's concerned about the baby. We both are."

"I promise you that the pills that she is taking for pain are not harmful to her developing fetus. We wouldn't be giving them to her if there was any possibility of danger to her or the baby. It's important that she not fight the pain. Pain causes stress and Kate needs to remain as stress free as possible, especially considering the circumstances."

"I agree."

"Then please convince her that she needs to take something when she's in pain. At least for the next couple of months. Hopefully the pain will start easing up to the point where she won't need anything for it. I understand that you're taking her out of the country. I've given her a number for an OB/GYN in Paris. I've already sent him her file, so he's aware of the situation. While I want her to have a wonderful time, I also want her to take things easy. It's important that she get plenty of rest."

"I'll make sure that she follows doctors' orders."

"I have no doubt that you will. I look forward to seeing her when you return in the fall."

Kate was pacing the room as fast as her still healing body would let her. She almost jumped out of her skin when Castle walked through the door. "Where have you been? I was expecting you over an hour ago!"

"I'm sorry. I had errands to run. I'm sorry," he repeated, walking over, pulling her close and feeling her wrap her arms around him. "I didn't mean to take so long. I'm sorry that I caused you to worry. I'm here now. Are you ready to leave this joint?"

"I've been ready since last night," she continued holding onto him.

"Okay, let me get an orderly and we'll get you out of here."

Within 10 minutes, they were in Castle's Buick, heading over to the real estate office to sign the papers for the apartment before heading to the Hamptons. Kate examined the pictures of the rental property while Castle drove. They had made the decision for Castle to drive them after his unfortunate experience with the car service and Mr. Flynn. Martha and Alexis were meeting them at the house and her father was joining them that weekend.

"This is nice, Castle," she said, looking at the pictures in the folder. "This is really nice. But it also must be costing you a fortune."

"Don't worry about it. I want us to be comfortable. I talked to Jake about the plans for the loft. He's emailing me copies of the blueprints. I'll show them to you when we get to the house."

"He's okay with making space for the nursery downstairs?"

"I told him that not having the nursery downstairs was a deal breaker. We worked it out. I think you're going to like it."

After signing the papers for the rental property, they once more hit the road heading out of the city and to the house in the Hamptons. "How are you feeling?" He glanced over at her.

"Better now that I'm out of the hospital. Lanie stopped by earlier."

"That's good. What did she have to say?"

"She's excited about being an aunt," Kate smiled. "Between our friends and our families, this baby is going to be spoiled rotten."

"It's okay. Alexis was spoiled rotten and she turned out okay."

"Yes, she did," Kate agreed. "I'm glad you're doing this with me," she reached her hand out and touched his leg.

"There's nobody I'd rather be doing this with. It's going to be great," he grinned at her.

He was glad that except for some early morning nausea, Kate seemed to be feeling all right this early in the pregnancy. Meredith had been sick with morning sickness almost constantly for the first three months. And if she wasn't feeling sick, she was making sure that he knew how miserable she felt. Kate didn't complain. Not about the pain from her gunshot wounds and not about the pregnancy. In fact, neither of them talked about what had happened in their home that morning. He knew that they were going to have to at some point. At the moment, it was just the very large elephant in the room.

Kate fell asleep during the last hour of their journey, so Castle put on one of their favorite radio stations to fill the silence in the car. When he drove out of Southampton, he hit the Bluetooth button on the radio. "Call Mother," he instructed the device.

"Calling Mother," the voice echoed his commands.

After a couple of rings, Martha picked up the phone. "Hello, darling," she chirped. "Are you on your way?"

"I just left Southampton. We'll be there in about seven or eight minutes."

"How's Katherine?"

"She's fine. Right now, she's asleep."

"No, I'm not," Kate argued, opening her eyes and looking at him. "Are we almost there?"

"I'm about to turn off now for the house. We'll see you shortly, Mother."

"Goodbye, Richard."

"How long have I been asleep?" She asked, looking around at her surroundings.

"About 45 minutes. Are you hungry?"

"No," she rubbed at her eyes.

A moment later, he stopped the car in front of the house. He'd just got out of the car when the front door opened and his mother and daughter came running out to greet them. "Dad!" Alexis hugged him before helping him with the bags in the trunk.

"Hey, pumpkin," he kissed her on the cheek.

"Katherine, welcome home," Martha opened the car door as Kate emerged from the car. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but glad to be home," Kate smiled, following her mother-in-law into the house.

"You must be starving," Martha continued speaking as she walked into the kitchen to get items from the refrigerator.

"Martha, no," Kate quickly stopped her.

"Darling, you must be starving. After all, you are eating for two now."

"Rick, will you please tell your mother that I'm _not_ hungry right now," Kate said through gritted teeth before leaving the room. Moments later, they heard the French doors open and close.

"Richard, I'm sorry. Did I say something—"

"Mother, it's okay. Let me go and talk to her. I'll be right back and then we can have lunch."

Castle found Kate sitting in a chair by the pool, her face in her hands. "Castle, I'm sorry. I'll go back in and apologize," she started to stand up, but he stopped her. "Rick—"

"It's okay. Sit down and relax. You're just getting out of the hospital, you don't like being fussed over, you're hormonal. Take your pick. Are you still upset because I was late getting back to the hospital this morning?"

"I didn't know where you were."

"I'm sorry. I took longer than I intended. I should've called or texted."

"Do you have nightmares about what happened?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Every time I close my eyes."

"How did he get in?"

"Investigators think that he got in from the building next door and that he picked the lock to get inside. I'm having Jake install a whole new security system. When we come back to the states, we're going to be safe. Our baby is going to be safe. Is that what you're worried about?"

"This isn't me, Castle," she wiped at her face. "I'm not scared of everything that goes bump in the night. I've never been that person."

"You've also never had someone invade your home to attack you and your family. Plus, you've never been pregnant. I remember telling you once that a parent will do anything for their child."

"We're not going to Paris to run from this, are we?"

"No. Paris is something that we talked about before this ever happened. We're going to Paris because it's something that we both need. We need to go where nobody knows about LokSat. Somewhere we can just be ourselves."

"Okay," she blew in a breath, nodding before reaching out and taking his hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he squeezed her fingers. "Now, how about if we go inside and have some lunch?"

"Lunch sounds good," she stood up and let him lead her back to the house.

Later that evening after taking a shower, Kate got into bed beside Castle, who was writing on his laptop. "What're you doing?" She kissed his shoulder, cuddling into his side.

"Making notes of things for us to see and do in Paris. Before I forget, let me show you the blueprints of what Jake has in mind for the loft," he brought up his email and opened the link. "What he wants to do is remove the bookshelves to open that area up. He then will move my office over and place the nursery between my office and our bedroom. What do you think?"

"He's going to get rid of the bookshelves entirely?"

"I'm not sure. Why?"

"Because I like the bookshelf walls. They're so totally you," she smiled.

"I'll email him and tell him that the bookshelves have to make up the walls of my office. Are you ready to get some sleep?" He asked when he saw her yawn.

"Yeah."

It was the blazing pain that woke Kate up a few hours later. But when she reached over for Castle, his side of the bed was empty and cold. She sat up, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness of the bedroom. But it was obvious that he wasn't anywhere in their room. She got up as carefully as the pain would allow her to and shrugged into her robe, gasping when her shoulder protested at the movement. Leaving their bedroom, she carefully navigated the stairs to the lower level of the house. Looking out of the French doors leading out and along the path to the pool, she could see a band of pale light on the green lawn.

When she approached the patio area, she could see Castle sitting in one of the patio chairs, a cup in his hands. "Castle?" She whispered, getting his attention.

"Hey," he greeted her. "I couldn't sleep, so I came out here. Are you okay?"

"The pain woke me up and you weren't in bed."

"I'm sorry. Have you taken anything?" He got out of his chair and walked over to guide her to the chair beside him.

"No, it just woke me up. Were you dreaming?" She asked, gritting her teeth when she sat down.

"I keep dreaming of him standing over me, only he's able to get the second shot off."

"What're you drinking?" She nodded toward the cup he was still holding.

"Coffee. I know it's probably not a good idea, but I was hoping that it would relax me."

"Castle, are we going to be all right going the whole summer without seeing someone?"

"Are you talking about a therapist?" He asked as she nodded. "I don't know. Can Burke make Skype visits?"

"He probably can," she smiled, a smile that was cut short by an incredible burst of pain. "Oh my god, it hurts, Castle."

"Come on, let's get you inside so that you can take something."

"Not yet," she stopped him. "Do you remember the first time you brought me out here? I mean, besides the dead guy in your pool. We shared that chaise lounge and just stared up at the stars. You pointed out the constellations to me. Can we do that now?"

"Kate, you're in pain," he reminded her.

"I know, but right now, I need your closeness more. Just for a few minutes and then I'll let you take me inside."

He moved over to the over-sized chaise lounge and stretched out before Kate joined him, finding a comfortable position that didn't cause any more torment to either of their healing bodies. "Better?" He whispered into her hair.

"Ummm," she hummed in contentment, feeling his fingers stroking her arm through the robe that she was wearing.

"Before I got to your room today, I ran into Dr. O'Malley," his voice was soft in the warm spring night.

"What did he say?" She tensed up, causing the pain to reignite in her abdomen.

"He said that you're fighting the pain. He assured me that everything you've been prescribed is perfectly safe for you and the baby. He wants you to stop fighting it. He said fighting it is only going to make you more stressed, which isn't good for either of you. Take the pills when you need them. Okay?"

"How big do you think she is right now?" She took his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"About an inch long. We can check out pregnancy websites when we go inside."

"We can do that tomorrow," she yawned against his shoulder. "Does he say anything to you in your dreams?"

"Just the same things that he said before he really shot me. Can I ask you a question? How did you know that something was wrong?"

"I thought that I heard a second voice, but I knew we were the only ones in the loft. And then I heard the thump when you fell to the floor. That was when I knew something was wrong. I wish that I'd called for backup before going out there."

"It wouldn't have mattered. He would've killed both of us before help could arrive. Kate, you didn't do anything wrong. Everybody has cleared you. IAD, ESU, 1PP. It was a good shoot."

"Then why do I still feel so fucking guilty?"

"How's the pain?" He asked, changing the subject.

"It's still bad, but feeling you close helps. I love you," she kissed his chest.

"I love you, too," he closed his eyes, while continuing to hold Kate tightly to him.

The sun shining in his eyes was what woke Castle up later that morning. That and his daughter standing over the two of them, a puzzled look on her face. "I went to see if you were awake, but neither of you were in bed," Alexis sat in a nearby chair. "Why are you out here?"

"I had a bad dream and couldn't sleep, so I came out to clear my head. Kate woke up in bed and came out here when she couldn't find me," he looked down at Kate, who was sound asleep in his arms. "Now my arm is seriously asleep. Did you need anything else?"

"Yeah, Kate's dad is on the phone. He said he called her cell, but she didn't answer. Now I know why."

"Is everything okay?" Kate jolted awake when she heard her dad's name mentioned.

"Yeah, he just wanted to talk to you. I'll let him know that you'll be inside in a minute."

"No," Kate raked her hands through her hair. "Tell him that I'll call him from my cell in a few minutes."

"Okay."

"Come on, let's go inside and take a shower," Castle got up, shaking the pins and needles out of his hand where Kate had laid on his all night. "I can't believe we slept out here all night."

"Castle, that was the best night's sleep I've had since before we got shot."

"Come on," he kissed her forehead. "Your dad is waiting to hear from you."

After taking a shower where they had to help the other in washing their hair, they got out and dressed before Kate retrieved her cell phone from beside her bed. "I'll bring us up some breakfast," Castle kissed her before leaving the room.

Kate walked over to a nearby chair, rubbing her abdomen where the inferno was starting to blaze up again. She wanted to call to Castle to bring up her pain pills, but she didn't have the energy. Everything now required an effort, it seemed to her. Her father picked up on the first ring. "Katie? I was worried. I tried calling your cell, but you didn't pick up."

"I'm okay, dad. I was outside with Castle," she didn't pass along the information that she'd actually fallen asleep out there. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know that I should be there by seven or eight tonight."

"Oh, good."

"I found some things that you might like to have for the baby."

"What things? Dad, please tell me you haven't already started buying things," Kate groaned at the prospect.

"No, no," he was quick to answer. "You'll see them when I get there tonight. Are you getting enough rest?"

"Dad, Castle is taking excellent care of me," she smiled at her husband, who was walking into the room with a tray of food along with her pain pills. "I could kiss you right now."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, dad. I was talking to Castle," she laughed.

"I take it that I really don't want to know what's going on right now. I'll let you get back to your husband and I'll see you this evening."

"Why could you kiss me right now?" Castle put the tray on a table and kissed Kate.

"Because you read my mind," she picked up the bottle of pills and took one, washing it down with some orange juice. "Dad will be here early this evening."

"I was thinking about making something in the crock pot, maybe a pot roast. That way it'll be ready when he gets here. Kate, what happens now?" He asked as they began eating breakfast.

"What do you mean? We're going to Paris in a few days and when we come back, we'll get ready for the baby. Other than that, I don't know."

"I mean, what happens with the other stuff? Will there be trials or hearings? What happens when the CIA has a mess to cover up?"

"I'm sure that there will be hearings. But I really don't know. I've never been involved in something like this. I mean, when we took down Bracken, we had the recording that we found. He had no choice but to plead guilty. Otherwise, I'm sure that it would still be dragging out. I don't really know what's going to happen with this."

"But it isn't really over, is it?"

"I doubt it."

"I don't want you to have to stress out by having to testify in front of some Senate sub-committee. It's not good for you or the baby."

"Castle, we can't worry about what's going to happen in the future. Besides, if there are hearings, I'm sure they won't start until after the baby is born."

"Speaking of the baby, we need to pick a room for the nursery in this house, too."

"Yeah, we do," she grinned, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

When Jim arrived later that evening, he walked into the house carrying a storage box. "You're a little early for Christmas," Castle teased him.

"I found some things that I want you and Katie to have for the baby. Where is my daughter, by the way?"

"Upstairs changing clothes. I'll go and see if she's ready."

Kate was standing in front of the full-length mirror in their bedroom, frowning at her naked reflection. The new scars stood out, red and angry looking on her otherwise pale skin. She pressed her fingers to them, recoiling at the feel of them. "I'm hideous, Castle," she said when she saw him standing by the bedroom door.

"You're not hideous," he walked over and wrapped his arms around her. "You're a survivor. We both are. Your dad is downstairs."

"They're so ugly, Castle. All of them."

"Hey," he turned her so that she was facing him. "I've never known you to be insecure about your body. You shared your scars with me the first time that we made love. Do you remember? Scars are a part of our life, Beckett. They make us who we are. When our child sees your scars, you can tell him or her the story of how we fought to get him or her here. They'll fade in time. In the meantime, I'll rub as much Vitamin E and cocoa butter on you as you want," she bit her lip and smiled, remembering telling Castle what Dr. O'Malley had recommended. "Now, why don't you get dressed and come downstairs? Your father is waiting and dinner should be ready."

"Okay. Tell dad I'll be right down."

"Will do," he kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

"Is Katherine still getting ready?" Martha asked from the living room where she and Alexis were visiting with Jim.

"She'll be down shortly. She was feeling a little down."

"Let me guess. The hormones are kicking in," Jim smiled. "I remember those days all too well."

"Not hormones, dad," Kate announced, coming down the stairs. "I couldn't find anything to wear."

"I think that will get worse before it gets better," he said, getting up and walking over to greet her. "You look so much better now that you're home."

"Thank you. And I wasn't feeling fat. I couldn't find anything that didn't rub against my scars."

Over dinner, they discussed the upcoming Paris trip. "You'll be back before the baby arrives?" Jim asked.

"We're returning at the end of September," Kate confirmed.

Jim stared down at his plate, clearly with something on his mind. "I understand that you're having the loft remodeled."

"Just the downstairs," Castle said.

"I have some buddies who could help with the operation. And I've been known to wield a mean circular saw."

"We need all the help we can get," Castle looked at Kate, who nodded eagerly in agreement. "Thank you."

"We're family. We stick together," he smiled at the two of them.

After dinner, Kate looked at the carton on the coffee table in the living room. "What's in the box, dad?"

"This box has been at the top of my bedroom closet for 35 years. It had your name on it, but I never looked to see what was in it. But when Rick told us that you were pregnant, I got curious. Open it," he encouraged her.

Kate removed the lid from the box and found an envelope resting on top. She opened it and removed a sheet of legal paper. "My mom wrote this," she moved so that Castle could read it with her. _'November 17, 1980. Contents of Kate's baby box. One receiving blanket. The outfit that she wore home from the hospital. Her Christening gown. Her first pair of shoes.'_

"Oh, these are too cute," Castle removed a tiny pair of white shoes from the box. "You didn't hang these from your rearview mirror, Jim?"

"No. I had a pair of her baby booties."

"I finally made him take them down when I was 12," Kate rolled her eyes. _'When Katie has her first baby, I'll give this box to her.'_ Dad, this is so sweet."

"Kate, your grandmother made the blanket and your Aunt Teresa gave us the outfit. Since you're also having a cold weather baby, maybe you can dress the baby in it when you come home from the hospital. It's unisex, so it'll work for a boy or a girl."

"This is great, dad," she stood up and walked over to kiss him. "Thank you. I'll use everything in the box, but I'll put the letter in the baby book."

Later that night, Kate was lying in Castle's arms just enjoying the quiet of the house. "I think my dad is excited about being a grandfather. He said he's already told all his friends. It seems like forever until December."

"Believe me, time will pass quicker than you think. I can't wait to take you to Paris and explore the city with you."

"Me, either," she kissed him before snuggling closer and shutting her eyes.

Castle couldn't wait to go take Kate to Paris so that they could both hopefully heal from the trauma of that May morning, both mentally and physically.

 **A/N #3: This ends Part 1. Part 2 will start with Castle and Beckett in Paris.**

 **A/N #4: Merry Christmas to all of my followers.**

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	21. A New Life

**A/N #1: Kate and Castle settle in Paris, but they both discover that moving thousands of miles away does nothing to chase their demons away.**

 **A/N #2: My muse, Chuck, helped me with the French in this chapter. I've never been to France, but he spent a good part of his childhood there. However, he hasn't fluently spoken the language since his mother passed, so he had to remember how to conjugate verbs.**

 **A/N #3: I'm re-posting this because it had an error which five different people pointed out to me. I corrected it on the site, but it didn't work. So, if you've already reviewed, thank you. If you haven't, here's the corrected copy.**

 **A/N #4: There will be a time jump in this chapter.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 21: A New Life**

 **PART II**

 _June 12_

Kate was standing on the terrace in hers' and Castle's Paris apartment, listening to the early morning sounds of the city below. The terrace was her favorite part of the apartment. It was tiled with terra cotta tiles, which were always chilly under her bare feet. She could see the Eiffel Tower in the distance along with the traffic of the people who were going about their daily business.

They had been in Paris for a week and a half. They were having fun exploring the city together, finding many little restaurants, bistros, and shops on their adventures. Kate laughed at Castle's often bumbling French, but she never corrected him. _'Why don't you ever correct me?'_ He asked her during one of their meals out.

' _Because I think your bumbling is cute.'_

They had met their new doctors as well as their physical therapists. Today they were going to meet Kate's OB/GYN for the first time. Kate had made the appointment a few days before and had learned that while most of the staff spoke some English, the doctor himself wasn't fluent.

"Hey," she smiled when she felt Castle's strong arms circle around her, drawing her against him, his hands slipping under the large t-shirt that she was wearing. "Come back to bed."

She turned in his arms, laughing when he lifted her into his arms, but she wrapped her legs around him as he took her back to bed. Half an hour later, they collapsed together in a sweaty heap of arms and legs. "We're getting better," Castle breathed against her shoulder.

"We're almost perfect again," she agreed.

Their first attempt at making love after the shooting had been abortive. While they had both been in the mood, their healing wounds had made it too difficult and they'd both been forced to stop. It had taken another three tries before they could once again consummate their relationship. Now their sex life was almost the way it had been before that fateful morning. "I'll go and make us breakfast," he kissed her cheek.

"Shower first," she got up and tugged on his hand. "Then breakfast."

"We'll call Alexis after we get home from the doctor's office. I want to see how things are going with the loft."

"Castle, it's only been a little over a week," she reminded him.

"I know, but with the amount of people Jake has helping him, they should have a lot done."

Over breakfast, they mapped out the best way to get to Kate's doctor appointment. "Should we take the metro or get a cab?"

"At this time in the morning, neither are going to be ideal," she took a bite of her toast. "A cab would probably be faster, not to mention a lot less crowded."

"A cab it is then," he smiled triumphantly before kissing her. "I was thinking," he got up and began clearing their breakfast dishes."

"Thinking about what?"

"Maybe we could rent a car this weekend and go exploring. We could head into the wine country or maybe even go to the Riviera."

"You do remember that I can't drink wine?" She gently reminded him.

"Okay, so that's out, but there are plenty of other things to see and do."

"Castle, I would love to go to the Riviera with you, but I think that we both need to do a little more healing before we tackle huge crowds of people in Nice or St. Jean de Ferrat."

"Before we leave, I do want to see one of the beaches on the Riviera."

"And we will," she stood up and kissed him. "Just not this weekend. Why don't we go see the Louvre or the Tuileries this weekend?"

"I've always wanted to see the Mona Lisa," he placed his hands on her hips, pulling her against him.

"Me, too," she smiled. "We need to get dressed. My appointment is in an hour."

After getting dressed they went downstairs to hail a cab, which was always easier said than done. It was easier hailing a cab in New York City during a torrential downpour than to get one in Paris during the early morning rush. But after several minutes, Castle finally got them a cab. Once inside, Kate gave the driver the address to their destination in flawless French. "Do you know what I want to do before we leave?" She whispered to Castle as their driver navigated the city streets.

"What?"

"I want to ride La Grande Roue," she pointed out the huge Ferris Wheel that they could see from their apartment every night when it lit up the night sky.

"We could do that, I suppose," Castle said, but she noticed that just the mention of it had caused his face to pale.

"Castle, are you all right? Oh my god, you don't like Ferris Wheels?"

"Honestly, no. I got sick on one once at Coney Island and have never ridden one since. But if you want to ride it, I'll ride with you," he smiled.

"You're so sweet," her smile was huge.

Dr. Henri Duvalier's office was in an old red-brick office building, surrounded by other old office buildings of the same ilk. Castle paid the driver and thanked him before they got out and walked inside. They then took the rickety elevator up to the third floor and found Room 337. Once inside, Kate walked up to the frosted window and lightly tapped on it. The window was opened by a young woman in her mid-20's. "Oui?"

"Mon nom est Katherine Castle," Kate began explaining in French, but the young woman instantly stopped her.

"You have an appointment with Dr. Duvalier. Please fill this out and give it back to me. Thank you," the woman handed Kate a clipboard and closed the window once again.

Kate and Castle sat down across from a young woman who looked like she was going to deliver at any second. "I can't wait until you look like that," Castle whispered, earning a glare from Kate. "What? You're going to look adorable."

"I'm probably going to look and feel like a whale," she hissed back.

"You do realize that you are going to look like that, whether you want to or not."

"Great," she shook her head, focusing on the paperwork in front of her. "My pants are already getting tight."

"I think someone's getting hormonal," he commented in a sing-song voice, which drove Kate nuts.

"You're going to be getting hormonal when I stab you with this pen."

Castle finally left Kate alone long enough for her to complete the form on the clipboard and turn it back in to the woman behind the window. That same woman called Kate back moments later, frowning when Castle got up to follow her. "Your wife only, monsieur," she said, escorting Kate out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized when the woman led her back to an examination room. "We were shot—"

"Dr. Duvalier will be in shortly. Please put this on," the woman handed Kate a gown before leaving the room again.

Kate changed into the robe, looking around the room while waiting for the doctor. She noticed the same diagrams that she'd seen in Dr. O'Malley's office in New York, only everything was in French. Approximately 10 minutes later, there was a light tap on the door, followed by it being opened by a man in his late 50's with graying brown hair, wearing wire-framed glasses. The woman who had brought Kate back entered the room with him. "I'm here to translate. Dr. Duvalier's regular nurse doesn't speak English."

"I speak French," Kate told the woman.

"Of course," the woman spoke to the doctor before leaving the room.

The doctor pulled a stool over and sat down before reading Kate's file carefully. "Dr. O'Malley told me that you had been shot."

"In May," Kate answered him in French. "I learned of the pregnancy in the hospital."

"While we wait for my nurse, we can talk. Have you had any complications? Bleeding? Cramping? Pain?"

"I have pain because of one of my wounds. But I haven't had bleeding or cramping. I'm often very tired."

"Fatigue is a common symptom of early pregnancy. How many weeks along are you?"

"About 12 or 13."

"Good. The fatigue should let up in the next few weeks." They were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Enter!" The door opened and another young woman dressed in blue scrubs walked in. "This is Anna. She will be your nurse during your visits. Anna, this is Mrs. Castle."

"Kate."

"Let's look at you and see how you are doing. Lay back on the table, please."

Kate complied, staring at the ceiling while the doctor palpated her abdomen carefully. "Is there anything that I should or shouldn't be doing?"

"Eat well, take vitamins. Are you taking vitamins?"

"Yes. I was given them in the hospital."

"Get a lot of rest. Have you had ultrasounds?"

"Two."

"Today I will listen to the baby's heartbeat. I will do an ultrasound at the end of July or early August. Do you want to know what the baby's sex is?"

"Yes."

"We can hopefully discover what you're having then. How are you treating your scars?"

"Vitamin E and cocoa butter. Dr. O'Malley recommended that."

"He is right. Let's listen to the baby, okay?" He picked up a Doppler device and ran it over Kate's uterus, picking up the 'whoosh, whoosh' of the baby's rapidly beating heart.

Kate's face lit up at the sound. "My husband is in the waiting room. Would it be all right for him to hear the baby's heartbeat?"

"Anna, go and get Mr. Castle."

"He's been worried about the both of us. Maybe this will help ease his fears."

Anna came back a moment later with Castle. "Castle, listen to this."

Tears sprang to Castle's eyes when he heard the heartbeat fill the small room. "You're both okay," he kissed her.

"We're perfect."

"See my receptionist on your way out and she will set up your next appointment. Do you have my number?"

"Yes."

"I will see you in about a month."

"Thank you," she smiled before looking at Castle, who was standing at her side with a huge grin on his face. "Castle? Castle? Rick?"

"Huh?" Her use of his first name snapped him out of his fog.

"I need to get dressed."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you out front in a few minutes."

They decided to take the metro home since it was past rush hour, so the train was less crowded. She rested her head on Castle's shoulder during the ride home. "It was really fast," she commented.

"What? The baby's heartbeat?" He looked at her as she nodded. "I remember when Meredith was in labor with Alexis. She was hooked up to a fetal monitor and I kept watching Alexis' heart go anywhere from 125 to 160 beats a minute. It was fascinating."

"Why was she hooked up to a monitor?"

"Precaution. She wanted drugs, so they hooked her up to a monitor. They want to make sure that the baby is tolerating the labor well."

"Will I be hooked up to one?"

"Probably. Kate, it's not a big deal. Besides, if something were to happen, it's better to know as quickly as possible."

"How long was Meredith in labor?"

"I'm not sure how many hours. In the end, she had a C-section. I know that she was carrying on like she was dying for the better part of the day. Alexis was born at 8:18 in the evening."

"I want to do this as naturally as I can, Castle. I don't know if we'll have another baby, so I want to experience all of it."

"I'd like that," he kissed her. "Are you tired?"

"Um-hmm," she once again rested her head on his shoulder.

"We'll be home in a few minutes. You can take a nap while I talk to Alexis."

The crippling fatigue of early pregnancy had made taking a nap or two every day a necessity for Kate. She'd sleep for an hour or two and then be ready to tackle the world once again. "Dr. Duvalier told me that the fatigue should let up soon. I hope so."

"Everything's okay, then?"

"Yeah, we're good," she smiled. "Before you call Alexis, can you take a nap with me?"

"A sexy nap? I like it."

***CCC***

After making love, Kate was all cute and snuggly, a side of her that Castle could never resist. They spent another half hour in bed, kissing and touching until he could see that the exhaustion was creeping up on her. "You should get some sleep," he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Stay," her eyes were glazing over, but she still gave him a dazzling smile. "Please? Just until I fall asleep."

"Okay," he settled down on his pillow, feeling her wrap herself around him.

"Tell me about the first time that you saw Alexis."

"Alexis was born after eight o'clock on a Monday night," he remembered. "I got to see her about half an hour after she was born. The nurse brought me this tiny bundle swaddled in a pink blanket. She put her in my arms and I remember just staring at her in awe. I couldn't believe that I had created this . . . this perfect little girl. And Kate, she just looked up at me, not crying. Just observing me. I mean, I know that she couldn't focus on me, but she never took her eyes off me. I was a total goner."

"I can't wait to feel that with our baby."

"Me, either." He glanced down, but Kate's eyes were closed, her breathing deep and even. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart."

He got up and slipped into some clothes before going out to the living room and booting up his laptop. He then placed a Skype call to Alexis, making note of the time. It was just after seven in the morning in New York. "Hi, dad," Alexis' smiling face filled his computer screen.

"Hey, pumpkin! I was hoping that I wasn't calling too early. How are things going?"

"Good. I'm at Gram's right now. I have classes this morning and then I'll check on the progress at the loft. I'll call you later today with updates. I'll even email you some pictures. How's Kate?"

"Kate is fine. She's napping right now. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat today. It was awesome," he smiled.

"That's great. How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Really?" Alexis didn't sound convinced.

"Yes, really. I'm still having nightmares; we both are. But we're healing. Kate wants me to ride La Grande Roue with her."

"Dad, you get sick on Ferris Wheels," she reminded him.

"I know, but I want to do this with Kate. It means a lot to her. Maybe we'll do it this weekend while we're out. We're going to see the Louvre or the Tuileries. We haven't decided yet."

"Everybody misses you."

"I know. We miss all of you, too. Maybe you and Grams could fly out for a few days. I know that Kate would love it. So would I."

"The semester ends in a few days. I could fly out then."

"Let me know and I'll reserve a ticket for you."

"Okay. I have an early class, dad. I'll talk to you and Kate this evening."

"Okay, pumpkin. Have a good day. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

After ending the call with Alexis, Castle decided to make a trip to the Farmer's Market to get some items for dinner. The market was one stop away on the metro and many of the vendors had already come to know the Castle's. After jotting a quick note to Kate, he left the apartment.

When Kate woke up, the apartment was quiet. She got out of bed and went into the living room where she spotted a note from Castle propped up on the counter that separated the living room/dining area from the kitchen. She smiled when she read the note. _'Kate, I went to the market to pick up something for dinner. If you're reading this, obviously I'm not home. Text me if you or the baby is in the mood for something special. I love you and I'll see you soon. Rick.'_

She placed the note back on the counter before walking over to the terrace and opening the doors. There was a lounge chair that had a thick cushion that Kate loved to sit on. Before stepping outside, she walked to the kitchen and took out the pitcher of orange juice, pouring herself a huge glass and then going back outside. Putting the glass on a small glass table, she settled in the chair and took out her cell phone. She had several messages from various people, which she went about answering. She then snapped a selfie of herself before sending it to Lanie, her dad, and the boys. Moments later, she got a text message from Lanie. **'Look at you, girl. Playing the Queen of Sheba in Paris. How are you feeling?'**

' **I feel great. I had my first appt. with my OB today. Everything's good. Castle and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. Lanie, it was so fast. Castle cried.'**

' **Writer-Boy is such a sap, sometimes. We miss you.'**

' **I miss all of you, too.'**

' **I've got work to do. Text me later.'**

' **I will.'**

Kate found it hard to get used to how different June in Paris was compared to June in New York. June in Paris was much cooler than it would be in New York. The neighbors had told her that the weather would be considerably warmer in the coming months. But other than the cooler weather, she was loving everything about their adventure this far. Their apartment was adorable. It had a small living room/dining room combination and an even tinier kitchen. But the master bedroom more than made up for the small main rooms. The master bedroom had its own small terrace and an ensuite with a clawfoot tub, which Kate absolutely loved. The bedroom that Castle used as his office also had its own bath, with a glass-doored shower, like the one they had in the loft at home.

The neighborhood was also lovely. It was a short walk to the metro, a small park and the main tourists' attractions. While Castle talked about renting a car, Kate was usually content with taking the train. He'd been given the number for a car service, but she knew that hiring a car service still made him very uneasy. It was one of the many things that he still had nightmares about. She just wanted their nightmares to go away. They both had horrible dreams almost every night; dreams where they would often wake the other one up by either screaming or awakening with a gasp.

She checked the time on her phone and found herself wondering where Castle was. She was about to send him a text when she heard a crash and the sound of her husband cursing just outside of their door. She jumped to her feet and ran to the door, throwing it opened. "Castle, are you all right?" She ran out into the hallway as the doors around them began opening to investigate the sound.

"My shoulder . . . it seized up," he gasped, picking up the grocery items that had rolled out of the canvas grocery bag that had spilled out on the floor. "Son of a bitch!" He screamed out in pain and frustration.

"Hey, it's okay," she was quick to soothe him as she helped him gather their runaway groceries. She then looked over her shoulder at the neighbors who had poked their heads out of their doors. "It's okay. Go back inside," she told them in French as they slowly complied with her request. "Why don't you go inside? I'll get everything gathered up. There doesn't seem to be any damage done."

"Kate—"

"Rick, it's okay," she gave him a smile. "I'll be right inside."

Castle finally rose to his feet and went inside of their apartment while Kate picked up the remaining items that had fallen from the bag. After making sure she hadn't missed anything she went into the apartment, closing the door before taking the two bags into the kitchen and placing them on the counter. She then took an ice pack from the freezer and went in search of her husband. She found him in the bathroom, leaning over the sink and breathing heavily. "I brought you an ice pack. Why don't you go and apply this while I get your pain pills?" she handed him the pack.

Castle didn't suffer from pain nearly as often as Kate did, but when he did, it was usually debilitating. His shoulder would freeze, making movement impossible for anywhere between a few minutes to a couple of hours. Ice and heat would help, but he'd been told that he might have to undergo surgery if PT didn't help.

When she came back into the living room with his pain pill, Castle was sitting on the sofa with his head resting against the back. She went to get a bottle of water from the fridge before coming over to sit beside him. "Castle?" He looked at her, taking the pill and the water from her.

He swallowed the pill and threw his head back once again. "I feel so helpless, Beckett. All I wanted to do was buy some groceries to cook you a homecooked meal. I can't even do that without my fucking shoulder freezing up on me!"

"Hey, Rick. Listen to me. Come on, look at me. Please?" He finally opened his eyes and looked at her. "It's only been a month. You have to give yourself time to heal. I learned that when I got shot the first time. I sent my dad home from the cabin after two weeks. It was a mistake. We have to keep putting in the work with our therapists. I know that it's frustrating, but you're going to get there."

"Sometimes I really don't deserve you," he ran his hand through her hair, smiling when she leaned into his touch.

"Don't ever say that. The baby and I need you so much. We love you. Now, I want you to relax and keep ice on that shoulder. I'm going to go and make us dinner," she stood up, pressing her lips to his forehead.

"Hold on and I'll help you."

"No," she put a hand on his chest. "I've got this."

Kate went into the kitchen and unpacked the bags, examining the array of ingredients Castle had brought home. Fresh tomatoes, herbs, and asparagus along with some nice lamb chops. "This almost looks like a 'Chopped' basket," she grinned at him, referring to the TV show which was a favorite of them both.

"If it had been a 'Chopped' basket, I would've bought something really weird like gummy worms or barbecue potato chips," he teased back. "By the way, Antoine the Butcher has a crush on you. He told me to tell you 'hi.'"

"Don't you mean 'bonjour?'" She teased.

"No, he actually said 'hi,'" he smiled back.

After dinner was eaten and the dishes washed, Kate settled beside Castle on the sofa while he brought up his computer. Checking his email, he found an email from Alexis that included a link to the pictures of the loft. He clicked on the link. The photos showed the now empty apartment with drop cloths, ladders, and paint buckets everywhere. The kitchen had been completely gutted, leaving empty space in its wake. "It looks like a tornado went through it," he grumbled.

"But, think of how beautiful it's going to look when it's finished," she kissed his shoulder. "Rick, are you upset because I couldn't go back there? You can be honest with me."

"No," he brushed her hair back from her shoulders. "We both almost died. You're right. Caleb brought evil into our home. It's just hard seeing it like this. I haven't seen it in this state since I bought it."

"When did you buy it? You've never told me the story," she leaned on her hand, ready to hear another mesmerizing tale from her ruggedly handsome story.

"It was right after Meredith served me with divorce papers. At the time, I was renting a tiny apartment in the Village."

"Greenwich Village?"

"Yeah. I had written a couple of books, and was doing all right financially. But I wanted to save up my money to maybe buy a house for me and Alexis. But my financial advisor saw the opportunity to purchase the loft. The building had just opened and I loved what I saw. There was plenty of room for me and Alexis. There was a room for my office and two spare bedrooms upstairs, which became one spare room when my mother moved in with us."

"I know that you have wonderful memories of raising Alexis, but now we can create new memories with our baby. A baby that you're never going to have to raise alone."

"I love you. And you're right. I'll always have the memories of raising Alexis there. I'll always have my memories of the first time that you and I made love there. And we conceived this one," he placed his hand on her stomach, "there. We're going to create new, beautiful memories with this little one."

"Yes, we are," she brushed her lips against his, humming contentedly when he brought his hands down to her hips and pulled her tighter against him. "Let's go to bed."

"Good idea," he grinned, placing his laptop to one side and helping her to her feet before leading her to their bedroom.

 **A/N #5: The first time that I saw La Grande Roue was on the TV show 'The Amazing Race.' When I saw it, I decided that if I ever make it to Paris, I have to ride it. The names translates to The Big Wheel.**

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	22. Sun, Sand and a Day of Relaxation

**SUMMARY: Kate and Castle have an important discussion about the baby while exploring the French Riviera. This chapter will have an M-rating.**

 **A/N #1: Like the previous chapter, this chapter and the next will have a time jump. My plan is to have Castle and Beckett back in New York by Chapter 24.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 22: Sun, Sand and A Day of Relaxation**

 _July 18_

The early morning sunlight was beginning to filter in through the closed blinds of their bedroom. Castle had been the first to emerge from the bed, padding into the kitchen to make coffee for himself and a cup of tea for Kate. He placed both items on a tray before returning to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway to watch his wife as she slept. The sheet had crept down and her t-shirt had crept up, exposing the swell of her stomach. He loved to sit beside her during the daytime or lay beside her at night, tracing his hand over that swell, feeling the life beneath. He was as enthralled this time as he had been the first time with Alexis.

Sensing that she was being watched, Kate opened her eyes and smiled at Castle. "Hey, are you taking pictures of me again?"

"Not yet," he walked over, placing the tray in the middle of the bed before getting back in beside her. "Although you are ridiculously cute right now."

"My boobs are getting bigger," she opened her shirt, peaking inside.

"I know," he smirked, which earned him an eyeroll from his wife. "Speaking of boobs, I was thinking that maybe we could hit one of the beaches today. Let's take the TGV to Cannes or Nice. If we leave in the next hour or so, we can be there early this afternoon. We can get a hotel room and come back tomorrow."

"You just want to see if I'll go topless," she couldn't hide her grin.

"Well, you do have beautiful breasts."

"That are getting bigger by the minute."

"I thought that was every woman's dream to have big boobs."

"Castle, I was very happy with the boobs that I was born with. Are we really going to lay here in bed and discuss the merits of my chest?" She tugged her pillow out from under her head and threw it at him.

"Seriously though, would you like to see the Riviera?" He rolled onto his side, propping himself on his elbow so that he could watch her.

"I've always wanted to see the Riviera. And if the beach is quiet enough, you might convince me to lose my top," she moved toward him to kiss him.

"Let's have some breakfast and I'll make us reservations on the train."

After breakfast, while Kate was in the shower, Castle made reservations for the nine-a.m. train to Cannes. From there, he planned to rent a car to take them to one of the many beaches that dotted the area. "Did you make the reservations?" Kate came out of the bathroom, dressed in a sunny yellow sundress, her damp hair hanging down her back.

"Yes. Our train leave at 9:15 and we arrive in Cannes at 2:30 this afternoon. I booked us a room at one of the inns in Cannes for the night."

"Sounds perfect," she kissed him again. "We should pack a few things to take with us."

The TGV was unlike anything Kate had ever seen. It was long and sleek with huge glass windows. Castle had bought them two first-class tickets on the upper deck so that they could watch the French countryside as they rode in luxury to the resort town of Cannes on the Riviera. Once they were settled, Kate opened her bag and removed a book. "What're you reading?" Castle asked, looking at the title." 'What to Expect When You're Expecting?'" He appeared amused to find her reading a book about pregnancy.

"There's a lot of good information in here. Can we talk about something? I know that Meredith was young when she had Alexis, but I'm going to be 37 years old when I deliver. Do you think that I should have an amniocentesis? I go to the doctor next week and he's going to bring it up."

"What is your gut telling you?"

"I'm not sure. No matter what, I'm not terminating this pregnancy, Rick. If this baby can survive me getting shot, then it will survive anything. But one part of me wants to make sure that everything's alright."

"We can discuss it further tonight and you can talk to Dr. Duvalier next week. If he recommends it, Kate, I'd say have it done. It'll also tell us definitively what we're having. You still want to know, don't you?"

"Yeah, I want to know. After all, Martha is going to decorate the nursery. She should know which way to go. Should I be worried about her decorating the nursery?"

"No. While my mother is a fan of bold colors, she has good taste when it comes to a baby's room. She decorated Alexis' room in my first apartment and it was beautiful. I'll show you the pictures when we get back home. I have some on my computer. I trust her to do an amazing job."

"Then that's good enough for me," she looked past his shoulder at the passing scenery. "It's beautiful here, Castle."

"I'm glad that we're here," he kissed her temple, smiling when she rested her head on his upper arm. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Amazing. I think I like the second trimester. And I know that you're really liking the second trimester."

"Are you referring to the fact that we haven't had this much sex since the beginning of our relationship?" He teased, laughing when she blushed and hid her face in his arm. "If that's the case, I'm not going to start complaining."

"I'm glad to know that it's normal according to my book."

They arrived in Cannes shortly after three. Castle found a rental car agency nearby and with Beckett's help, rented them a car to explore the area. He found the inn they were staying at for the night and got them checked in. Armed with the key, he found their room, unlocking the door and opening it for Kate, walking in right behind her. "This is nice," he looked around the small room.

The room was decorated in French prints and had a comfortable looking queen-sized bed in the middle of the room. "Wow Castle, this is really nice," she smiled at him.

"I was worried that it might be a little too provincial, but the pictures on the Internet didn't do this place justice. According to their website, the beach is two blocks away. We can rent lounge chairs and a beach umbrella. That should help shield us from the sun and other people, in case you want to lose your top," he leered at her.

"Castle, a lot of the beaches on the Riviera are topless. I'm not embarrassed about my body. Well, most of it, anyway," she heaved a deep sigh.

He knew that the new scars were difficult for her to deal with. She'd repeatedly stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror in their bedroom, breaking down in sobs at what she described as her 'hideous' body. "Kate, they're going to fade in time. I love you, scars and all."

"And you're the only person whose opinion I care about," she smiled, walking over and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Let's change clothes and hit the beach."

While Castle was in the bathroom changing into his swim shorts, Kate removed her black bikini from their bag, happy that she could still fit into it and not look like a whale. She looked at herself in the mirror, cupping her hands over her baby bump. When she had awakened one morning a couple of weeks before and discovered the bump, she'd instantly been fascinated by it. She loved it when Castle would gently trace his huge fingers over it, talking to their baby. "Wow," she heard Castle behind her. "You look . . . so hot."

"Is it silly that I'm still so fascinated about being pregnant?"

"No, it's not silly, at all. I think that it's sweet," he smiled gently. "I love that you're so happy about it. That you're so in love with having our child."

Kate had a feeling that there was more to what he'd just said than what he was telling her, but she didn't want to bring Castle down. Right now, she wanted them to be happy. She reached out for his hand, smiling when his fingers tangled in hers. "Come on, let's go to the beach. Do we have plenty of sunscreen?"

"Yes, we do," he grabbed the canvas bag with sunglasses, sunscreen and bottled water inside. "Let me grab a couple of towels."

Donning sunglasses, they left the inn, walking along the streets of Cannes, making up stories about the people they saw along the way. When they reached the beach, Castle found a place where they could rent lounge chairs and umbrellas, following the young man with their supplies. After picking a good place far enough away from some of the crowd, the man set their chairs and umbrellas up for them, smiling broadly when Castle gave him a huge tip. "Do we take these back when we're done?" He asked Kate, watching her settle into one of the chairs.

"No. I think they collect them at the end of the day. Put sunscreen on me, Castle," she removed the cover-up she'd worn to the beach and presented her back to her husband.

After slathering her back and shoulders with sunscreen, she returned the favor. "I wonder how cold the water is," he pondered, staring out at the surf.

"The Mediterranean is usually warmer than the Atlantic. If we can brave the beach at the Hamptons in July, I'm sure we can deal with this. Come on," she stood up and held her hand out to him. "I want to play, Castle."

"You want to play, huh?" He couldn't believe how much he loved this woman. Pregnancy just made him love her that much more. "Let's go play, Beckett."

The water was wonderful, like a salty bath water. "Oh, the water is great, Castle," Kate stepped out a little further, the waves lapping at her shins.

"Not too far, Kate. I don't want either of us getting knocked off our feet," he cautioned.

"I'll be fine," she assured him. "Come on, the waves aren't that bad."

Walking out with her, Castle realized that Kate was right. While there were waves, they weren't nearly as strong as the ones they often fought when they were at the beach house in the Hamptons. The waves gently rocked against them as they waded out, stopping when Castle was about waist-deep and Kate just below that. Lacing her hands behind his neck, Kate pressed herself up so that her mouth could join his. He started laughing when he felt her slight baby bump come up against him. "What's so funny?"

"I think Lily wants to play, too," he brought his hand down, caressing her belly softly.

"I'm telling you, Castle, we need to come up with a couple of boys' names, just in case."

"My Spidey Senses are telling me that we're having a girl."

"Seriously?" She pulled back to glare at him. "You're basing the sex of our unborn child on your Spidey Senses?"

"My Spidey Senses have proven useful in the past," he smirked, causing her to smile.

"Yes, they have," she agreed.

They stayed in the water for a little while longer before getting out and going over to their lounge chairs. Castle lay down on his side watching Kate who was lying on her side watching him, a sweet smile on her face. "What?" He asked her.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Are you feeling okay?"

"I feel wonderful. Except that I'm horny almost every minute of every day."

"Well, I can't do anything about that now because we are on a public beach in the South of France. But the second that we're back at the hotel, I'll make sure that you're _more_ than satisfied," he laughed when she blushed.

"Put some lotion on my back," she lay down and untied the top of her bikini.

"Gladly," he got up and took the tube of sunscreen from their bag, slathering it generously on her back and her legs. "Roll over," he instructed her. "It's not a good idea for you to lay on your stomach, even this early on. That's what Meredith's doctor told her."

"Castle, I've talked to Dr. O'Malley and Dr. Duvalier. They've assured me that it's fine so long as I'm comfortable. They both told me that by my sixth month, I'll mainly be sleeping on my side. I love how concerned that you are."

"Of course, I'm concerned, Kate. I love you and you're carrying my child. The wellbeing of the both of you is all that matters to me. Don't let your breasts get sunburned," he leaned forward to kiss her. "You'll peel so much that your bigger bust will go back to its normal, non-pregnant size."

"Very funny."

Kate placed her sunglasses over her eyes and relaxed under her umbrella. Castle lay on his lounger so that he could watch her. After several minutes, he reached for his cell phone and took several pictures of her. "Are you taking half-naked pictures of me?" Her voice was adorably drowsy.

"Yes, but it's because you're so beautiful that you take my breath away."

Kate raised her sunglasses and looked at him, giving him a gorgeous smile. "You take my breath away, too."

***CCC***

For dinner that night, they found a casual bistro near the hotel. Castle ordered them both the French Onion Soup. When it arrived, looking cheesy and smelling delicious, Kate dug right in, closing her eyes and sighing with the first mouthful. "Castle, this is wonderful."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "Today was a good day."

"Today was a _great_ day," she corrected him. "It was nice to get away and relax. To not have to think about anything except having a nice day."

"You still think about it a lot?" He took another bite of soup, but he knew that he didn't have to clarify to Kate what he was talking about.

"It's almost all that I think about. I thought that being here would help, but it hasn't."

"How long did it take before you stopped thinking about the cemetery?"

"Too long. Don't get me wrong," she reached across the table for his hand, "I'm happy being here with you. I'd just be happier if I wasn't worrying all of the time."

"What do you worry about?"

"I mainly worry about the baby. Is it going to be all right? Did it suffer any damage because of the shooting? Will I be a good mom? You know, the usual," she managed a smile.

"Well, I can't answer the first two questions, but as for your last question, you're going to be a great mom."

"How do you know?"

"I know," he stroked the top of her hand with his thumb," because you love me. You love our families and you love our friends. You're going to be an extraordinary mom."

"What if I mess up?"

"Part of being a parent is messing up, Kate. There are a lot of things that I wish I could've done over when I was raising Alexis. But you learn from your mistakes and you move on."

"Castle, your daughter is perfect. You did a great job."

"Ah, but you saw the finished product. You missed 'Alexis: The Early Years.' Believe me, some of that was _not_ pretty," he shook his head and shuddered. "And some of her later years were pretty horrible, too. The way that she treated you after the shooting, for example."

"She was scared and angry. I understood it. The important thing is that we could patch things up and move forward. I adore your . . . _our_ daughter, Castle."

" _Our_ daughter? You consider Alexis—"

"Castle, your whole family is my family now. I mean, let's face it. Meredith is never around and when she is . . . well, that's a story for another time. Alexis has been coming to me with her questions and issues since she was 15 years old. I know that we're not related by blood, but family isn't always about blood ties."

"You're right about that."

"Can I ask you about something that you said earlier today?"

"Sure."

"You said something about me being in love with having your child. Can I ask you about Meredith's reaction when she learned that she was pregnant with Alexis?"

"Let's just say that it was the polar opposite of how you feel about being pregnant with our child. At first I thought that it was because she was worried about what my reaction would be. And I'll admit, at first I was less than thrilled. But I think that it was more the shock of the news than anything else. Because the moment that I got over the shock, I was so happy. And I also made a vow that I was going to be there for my child. I was going to do all those things that I wished my father could've done with me, if he'd been there. Meredith, on the other hand, kept threatening to get an abortion. She threatened that for weeks, Kate. Until I was able to convince her that I wasn't going to skip out and leave her to raise our child alone. But even then, it was a nightmare," he scrubbed his hands over his face.

"We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"No. You have a right to know. We were never happy," his expression was sad. "I mean, not the way that you and I are happy. At first, I thought that things were good. We both doted on Alexis. But she wanted to go to L.A. She worked sporadically in the city, but she couldn't get the roles that she wanted. I told you about L.A. already."

"When you found out that she was cheating on you," Kate was all too familiar with that story. "When Dr. Addison told us that morning about the baby, at first, I was terrified. But the more that I thought about it, the more that I began to realize that this baby is a miracle. I don't know how many doctors came in to tell me that I should've lost the baby. Every morning when I wake up and I see this baby bump, I thank God that we've both made it through another day. At night when you hold me and you trace your hands over the both of us, I can feel the love flowing through you."

"I was shocked that day. In a good way," he was quick to add as Kate laughed.

"I told someone that I didn't think that I'd get pregnant five minutes after I had my IUD removed."

"I'm glad that you did."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I want us to have kids while we're still young enough to keep up with them."

"Kids, huh? So, you're hoping for more than one? And please don't remind me about what Simon Doyle said."

"I'd like to have more than one. I raised Alexis as an only child. I'd really like our child to have siblings. Why?"

"I'd like that, too," her smile was luminous.

After dinner, they walked the short distance back to the hotel, enjoying the quiet of the early evening. When they got into their room, Kate pulled him toward the bathroom. "Take a shower with me, Castle."

His grin was huge and his pants instantly tightened as he let her pull him into the bathroom. Standing in front of the tub, Kate's eyes never left his as she began to unbutton his shirt, pulling it from his slacks before letting it fall to the floor. She then deftly unbuckled his belt and reached for the button on his slacks, smiling when he sucked in a mouthful of air. "Be careful with the zipper," he cautioned her.

"I know," she cupped him, which made him take in another huge gulp of air. "You're going to get the hiccups if you don't stop swallowing air."

"You're going to get more than that if you don't stop touching me."

"But I like touching you," she pressed forward, unzipping his slacks as he struggled to toe out of his shoes. Her mouth met his, her tongue seeking entrance. He moaned, his arms folding around her as his pants fell to his ankles. "Step out of your pants, Castle."

"I can't. I need to kick my shoes out of the way, but I'm trapped."

Kate stepped on one of his shoes, sliding it to the side before repeating the same thing with the other shoe. He then kicked his slacks in the general direction of his shoes. Still kissing him, Kate slipped her fingers into the elastic of his boxers and jerked them off his hips. After kicking them aside, Castle reached for the zipper on the back of Kate's dress and slid it down, sliding it down her shoulders where it fell to the floor. Kate stepped out of it and her sandals, moving both to the side where they joined Castle's discarded clothes. Castle then unclasped the pale lavender bra that she was wearing, slipping the straps down her arms. She closed her eyes and sighed when his large hands cupped her breasts, his thumbs brushing her nipples, feeling them harden in his hands. "Castle," his name came out of her mouth as a breathy whisper. "Please?"

"Hold on," he kissed her before releasing her and stepping over to the tub to turn on the shower. Walking back to Kate, he removed her panties before taking her hand and guiding her over to the shower, checking the water to make sure it wasn't too hot or cold. "Come on, take a shower with me."

Once inside the shower, Castle hungrily chased the droplets of water flowing down Kate's body, listening to her moans of pleasure and feeling her dig her fingers into his hair. His hands and lips were everywhere and it wasn't long before she felt herself freefalling into an abyss of absolute, earth-shattering pleasure. She felt Castle's arms come around her, holding her up when she thought her knees would buckle. She looped her arms around his neck, her mouth hungry on his while he continued feeling his way down her body. Her lips latched onto his neck as his fingers found their way between her legs, exploring her wet folds. "Castle," she pressed tighter against his fingers. "Yes. Just like that. More," she panted against his neck.

"Are you okay?" He asked, lifting her leg up around his hip.

"I'm perfect," she smiled, her lips finding his as he thrust into her, causing them both to groan loudly. "Shit, Castle. You feel so damn good right now."

"So do you," his voice was ragged as they continued to move together in perfect harmony, their cries echoing off the tile walls of the shower.

It didn't take long for Kate to come with a loud cry, her arms clamping around Castle's neck when she felt him spill inside her. She was still breathing hard when he gently lowered her leg, his lips caressing her lips. "The water's getting cold," she shivered against him.

"Wait here," he kissed her once more before turning off the water. He then stepped out and grabbed a towel from the rack. "Hold onto my hand. I don't want you to slip," he helped her from the shower before wrapping the towel around her. "Now we can say that we've had sex on the French Riviera," his eyes crinkled when he grinned at her.

"Well, that wasn't technically _on_ the Riviera," she reminded him.

"Close enough."

After they dried off, they got into their nightclothes and climbed into bed. "Can I ask you a question?" Kate was resting her head on Castle's chest, just below the spot where he'd been wounded a couple of months before.

"You can ask me anything."

"Were you excited when you found out that Meredith was having a baby girl?"

"I was excited about being a dad. I mean, once I got over the shock."

"But you wanted a son?"

"Well, eventually. I didn't find out Alexis' sex from Meredith," he struggled to sit up as Kate sat up with him. "I didn't go to too many of Meredith's appointments. She just didn't want me there, so I did my best to go along with what she wanted. Kate, I was always afraid that if I pushed too much, she'd take off and I'd never see my baby. Meredith had told me that she didn't want to know the baby's sex and I was all right with that. But I was cleaning up one day and her purse was on the counter. I accidentally knocked it over and the contents spilled out. When I was putting everything back, I found an envelope. It was the sonogram pictures and it had a little arrow pointing at Alexis' . . . stuff," he said as Kate laughed. "It said 'girl.' I was so pissed off."

"I don't blame you. Why would she lie to you?"

"I don't know. She never gave me a clear answer. When I confronted her, she said that she wanted me to be surprised. Maybe that's true, but I don't know. I would've been happy with a baby boy or a baby girl. Like I said, I just wanted to be somebody's daddy."

"I want you there for everything. Every needle, every test, everything. I will _never_ hide anything from you."

"I know," he brushed her hair from her shoulders. "What do you want? A little boy or a little girl?"

"I don't know. I keep thinking that I don't know the first thing about taking care of a little boy, but I really don't know anything about taking care of a little girl, either. Was Alexis hard to take care of?"

"Well, there's definitely a learning curve when it comes to taking care of a baby," he smiled. "But, from what my friends told me, as far as babies went, Alexis was relatively easy. She only cried when she was hungry or super tired. Kate, you're going to be great. I promise that I'm not going to let you drop our baby on its head or let it drown in a bathtub."

"I probably should've practiced changing diapers on Cosmo while I had the chance."

"Ryan can always loan you that stupid doll he was carrying around when Jenny was pregnant with Sarah-Grace," he teased. "I'm sure you can also practice on Nicholas."

"I'm excited," she lay back against her pillow, her hand resting on the baby bump. "Every morning when I get up, it looks a little bigger."

"It probably is. They grow a little every day."

"I was thinking that the amnio might be a good idea. I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"Then let's do it," he kissed her.

***CCC***

A few days later, Kate was lying on a table in Dr. Duvalier's office, her hand tightly gripping Castle's. Kate explained to Castle what the doctor had just told her in French. "He's going to use the ultrasound to guide the needle so that he doesn't poke the baby."

"Will it hurt?" Castle asked as Kate translated his question.

"No."

"No," she told her husband.

"Uh, I think I understood that one."

After numbing the area on Kate's abdomen, the doctor produced the longest needle Castle had ever seen in his life. Knowing how much Kate hated needles, he admired her bravery. After asking if she was ready, Kate nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, clutching Castle's hand even tighter. Rick watched in fascination as the needle was inserted into Kate's abdomen and into her uterus. But the most fascinating part was watching the small life in his wife's body move tiny arms and legs. At one point, it even put a tiny thumb into its mouth. "Our baby is sucking its thumb, Beckett," he whispered in Kate's ear.

"Is he done, yet?"

"Almost. He's withdrawing the needle now."

After putting the amniotic fluid into a tube and labeling it, the doctor swabbed Kate's abdomen with an alcohol swab and placed a small band-aid over it. "You may feel some mild cramping and a little fluid leakage," he told her in French. "Rest for the remainder of the day. No sex. If you begin to bleed or if the cramping is severe, get to the hospital immediately."

"I will. When will you get the results of the test?"

"Two weeks. You want to know the sex?"

"Yes."

"I will make a note."

For the rest of the day, Castle spoiled her rotten. Later that evening, he brought his laptop into their bedroom and got into bed next to her, showing her the computer screen. Alexis' smiling face greeted her. "Hey, Alexis," Kate greeted her.

"How are you feeling? Dad said you had the amniocentesis done today. Did it hurt?"

"It didn't hurt. I'm not feeling great now, but I was told to expect it. Are you at the loft?"

"Yes," she walked into the master bedroom. "Jake and your dad put up the sheetrock for the nursery. Dad's office is going to be on one side, your bedroom on the other and the nursery will be in the middle."

"Castle, that's perfect."

"Yeah, it is. What else, Alexis?"

"The kitchen is almost finished. Do you want—"

"No!" They both shouted simultaneously.

"O-kay," Alexis drawled. "I did want to show you what they've done with the nursery."

"Thank you, Alexis," Castle told her before ending the call. "Kate, what are we going to do if we can't face that kitchen when we go back?"

"I don't know," she curled up against him. "I thought that I was moving past that. But when I think of our kitchen, all I see is you lying there and _him_ standing over you."

"Shh," he wrapped his arm around her, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "We're going to be okay."

"I can't believe that it followed us to Paris, Castle. Caleb Brown's evilness has followed us here."

 **A/N #2: 'Damn it, Cindy,' some of you are screaming. 'Why can't you have a happy chapter for once?' The next chapter will be 95% happy, I promise.**

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	23. Joyful News and a Surprise

**A/N #1: Thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapter.**

 **A/N #2: This is for the reviewer who complained that I don't update often enough. If this were a completed story, I'd update a couple of times a week. However, it's still a work in progress. I'm trying to stay three chapters ahead of what I'm posting, so that there isn't a huge wait. For example, I'm going to be working on Chapter 26 starting today. Otherwise the readers would be waiting on me, which can get rough on the chapters in which I suffer writer's block.**

 **A/N #3: To Chacha and a few other reviewers who asked why Castle and Beckett aren't seeing anybody; Dr. Burke's appearance is on the horizon. I didn't want them seeing anybody while they were in Paris.**

 **A/N #4: This is the 95% happy chapter. The 5% angst is at the very end.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 23: Joyful News and a Surprise**

 _August 1_

It was three in the morning, Paris time. Castle was in the spare bedroom that he was using as an office, talking to Alexis via Skype. "Why are you awake so late?" Alexis asked. It was only nine in the evening in New York, still early enough to chat with her father.

"I had writing ideas, so I got up to jot them down while they were fresh in my mind. How's everything going in New York?"

"Good. Grams is still getting rave reviews for her show. Did you get the latest pictures of the loft?"

"I did. You're doing a great job, sweetie. I'm so proud of you."

"Well, I can't take _all_ the credit. Kate's not still awake, is she?"

"No, she went to sleep hours ago. Why?"

"Jim is building the kitchen cabinets."

"Wow. Kate is going to be so surprised."

"It seems that he and Chief Gates husband are quite the carpenters. They met and instantly hit it off. You'd think they'd been friends for years," Alexis said as Castle chuckled. "I hope that you and Kate like what we've done."

"Alexis, as long as all evidence of that morning are gone, Kate and I are going to be thrilled."

"How is Kate feeling?"

"She feels good most of the time."

Alexis noticed how sad her father looked. "Dad, is something wrong? You seem upset."

"I'm fine, pumpkin. I miss you and Grams."

"We miss you, too. You'll be home in a few weeks. When do you find out the results of the amnio?"

"At the end of the week. I worry about Kate."

"Why? Is something going on with her or the baby?" Alexis was suddenly alarmed.

"No, they're both fine. I think that she's missing her mom a lot. One of our neighbors has a soft spot for Kate and has been mothering her a bit. I know it's hard on her not having her mom around."

"I'm sure that it is. I mean, I'm not close to my mom, but I'm sure that I'd miss not having her around when I was having a baby. Kate probably has so many questions that she feels only her mom could answer."

"I should probably let you get some sleep."

"More like you should go get in bed with your wife and get some sleep. It's still early here," Alexis pointed out to him. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, pumpkin. I love you."

"I love you, too. Now, get some sleep." 

Castle signed off Skype and powered down his laptop before getting up and walking across the apartment to the master bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, smiling as he watched Kate sleep. She was dressed in one of his Spiderman t-shirts, her excuse being that it was loose enough on her that she didn't get the feeling that her circulation was being cut off by his growing kid. He'd noticed that when she was aggravated by her pregnancy, it was always because of _his_ kid. He shrugged out of his robe and crawled under the covers, instantly feeling Kate snuggle up close to him. "Where were you?" Her words were slurred by her sleepiness.

"I was working," he kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't. Hungry. Make me a peanut butter sandwich, Castle."

"Strawberry preserves?"

"Chocolate syrup."

Castle made a face, but decided that she could've made a more disgusting request. A week earlier, he'd watched her load a perfectly wonderful BLT with anchovies, ruining his appetite in the process. "One peanut butter and chocolate syrup sandwich, it is," he threw back the covers and once again got out of bed.

"Remove the crusts, Castle," she ordered.

"Yes, ma'am."

After he got up, Kate rolled over onto her back, rubbing her growling stomach in the process. "Calm down, kiddo," she whispered. "Daddy's going to feed us."

In response, her stomach rumbled again, but it was a weird feeling, not like the normal feel of her stomach growling in hunger. She reached over and grabbed her pregnancy book, flipping to the chapter on feeling movement for the first time. "In first pregnancies, movement might be felt as early as the 16th week, but sometimes as late as the 23rd week," she read out loud. "The feeling has been described as fluttering or like popcorn popping. Castle!" She called out. "Castle!"

"What?" He came running back into the room with the kitchen knife in his hand. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Castle, I think I felt the baby move!"

"Really?" His smile was enormous.

"I don't feel it now. Why are you still standing there? I'm still hungry."

"Right," he turned and quickly returned to the kitchen, shaking his head at the wonderful minefield world of pregnancy hormones.

Moments later, he heard soft footsteps behind him and arms slipping around his waist. "I'm sorry," she kissed the space between his shoulder blades. "Why were you really awake?"

"I told you, I was writing," he put the two slices of bread together and expertly removed the crusts. "Do you want a glass of milk?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded against his back, releasing him long enough for him to go to the refrigerator to get the carton of milk. "How's Alexis?"

"How did you know that I was talking to Alexis?" He turned to look at her, only to see her 'I'm a detective' face staring back at him. "She's good. We were talking about the renovations."

"Are they going to finish by the time we return next month?"

"Alexis seems to think so. Here you go, Madame. One peanut butter and chocolate syrup sandwich with the crusts removed. If not, we'll stay at the Hamptons until they are."

"Castle, I've been thinking that maybe we should both see Burke before we officially move back in. Just to make the transition easier."

"Okay," he nodded in agreement. He watched her bite into the sandwich, her eyes closed in an expression that could only be described as pure bliss. "How's your sandwich?"

"Perfect," she opened her eyes and smiled at him. "It's like eating a Reese's Peanut Butter cup between two slices of bread."

Kate saw him smile at her, but his eyes seemed troubled. She knew that he hadn't been sleeping well over the past few weeks. The results of the amnio was weighing heavily on both of their minds, but she also knew that there was more to it than that. "Castle, we can go back to New York early. I know that you miss Alexis and your mother."

"I do miss them," he admitted, "but the milder weather here is better for you and the baby. Alexis was an October baby. The year that she was born there was a horrible heatwave and Meredith was miserable. I didn't have the Hamptons house then, so she was forced to suffer in the city. Or so she constantly loved to tell me."

Kate got up and walked over to where he was sitting, perching herself in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. He slipped an arm around her hips to keep her from tumbling from her seat. "I love how much you want me to be comfortable. But I want you to be happy, too. And if you're not happy, then I'm not going to be happy, either."

"Being here with you makes me very happy. Watching our baby grow inside of you fills me with so much wonder and pride," he smiled, bringing his hand up to caress the rounded mound of her stomach. "We'll return to New York at the end of next month like we originally planned."

"Okay," she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling him tighten his hold on her to keep her securely on his lap. "Let's go back to bed."

***CCC***

Later that afternoon, Kate was out on the terrace getting some sun while Castle was writing in his office. She checked the time on her phone and subtracted six hours. It was early morning in New York, but not too early to make a phone call. She placed a FaceTime call, smiling when Alexis' face brightened her screen. "Kate, hi. Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine. Alexis, I know that your dad and I are coming home in six weeks, but he really misses you and your grandmother. Do you think that there's any way that the two of you could visit for four or five days?"

"I would love to visit the two of you!" Alexis' excitement was contagious. "Let me talk to Gram and I'll get back to you with the details. Are we keeping this a secret from dad?"

"Yes, we are," Kate bit her lower lip. "Call or text me. I can send a car to pick the two of you up from the airport. I should go and check on your father before he comes searching for me. Thank you, Alexis."

"You're welcome. I love you two and hopefully we'll see you in a few days."

She ended the call before going into the apartment to look for her husband. She found him in his office, staring at the blank screen on his laptop. He leaned back against her when he felt her rubbing his shoulders. "I can't write. I want to, but the words don't come out."

"I have an idea," she kissed the top of his head. "Let's go for a walk around the neighborhood and stop for ice cream at that place that we both like."

"Ice cream for dinner?" He brought his head back to look at her.

"Yes."

"Let me put some shoes on," he got out of his chair and headed for their bedroom.

They strolled hand in hand through the neighborhood, talking to people along the way. Castle knew that many of them were asking about the baby judging by the way that Kate smiled and placed her hands on her stomach. "Have you felt her move anymore?" He asked as they walked into the ice cream parlor.

"Not since last night. The book said that I might not feel movement every day at first. I wish that you could feel it, too."

"I'm sure that I will soon enough. Do you want your usual?" He asked her as she nodded.

He went up to the counter and ordered ice cream for them both; chocolate for him and strawberry with a lot of chocolate syrup for Kate. He'd noticed that most of his wife's cravings involved chocolate in one form or another. "I'm going to miss this ice cream when we go back to New York. This has got to be the best ice cream ever," he mused, tasting a huge spoonful of the cold treat.

"Have you made our reservations yet?"

"No, but I will pretty soon. Why?"

"It'll still be safe for me to fly, won't it?"

"I thought it wasn't a good idea to fly at the end of the pregnancy. We can ask Dr. Duvalier when we see him for the amnio results."

"Are you excited?"

"Extremely. I think about who the baby will look like. I think about that a lot."

"Me, too," Kate took a bite of her ice cream. "I hope he or she has your eyes."

"And your smile."

"I love you, Castle."

"I love you, too."

***CCC***

 _Aug. 5_

"Do you have questions before we get started?" Dr. Duvalier asked Kate on a rainy August morning.

"Yes. We're returning to the states at the end of next month. Will it still be safe for me to fly?" She asked the doctor in French.

"Yes, but try to take a flight with a long layover so that you can rest. Get up and stretch during the flight if you can. Have your husband massage your feet and calves," he said as Kate translated his words to Castle.

"I think that I can handle that," Castle smiled, reaching over to take Kate's hand.

"Are you ready to learn the sex of your baby?" He smiled.

"We've been ready for weeks," Kate looked over and smiled at Castle.

"I will do an ultrasound and hope that you find out that way. If not, I will tell you what the amniocentesis says."

"Dr. Duvalier, is the baby okay?"

"The baby is in perfect health," he assured her. "Let's get started."

"What did you ask about the baby?"

"I asked if the baby was okay. He said that our baby is perfect."

After changing into a gown, Kate lay on a table while the doctor squirted transducer gel on her stomach, causing her to startle from the chill of it. Castle stood on one side of the table, holding Kate's hand while the doctor and his nurse stood on the opposite side. Kate was amazed by the movements of their child on the video screen. "Can you tell what we're having?" She asked.

"One moment." He moved the wand across Kate's abdomen and they watched as the baby did a perfect somersault, revealing everything to the world. "Congratulations, you are having a baby girl."

Castle recognized the French word for 'girl,' but he looked at Kate for confirmation. "Did he say we're having a little girl?" He asked as Kate nodded, her eyes full of tears. "A girl?" He ran over, embracing first the startled doctor and then his nurse, kissing the young woman on the cheek as Kate laughed and cried with him. He then bent down and kissed Kate, wiping tears from her face. "We're having a little girl. I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

On the way out, Kate continued to laugh as Castle hugged and kissed every person on the way out of the office. "I can't wait until we can call our families," he rejoiced as they walked into the apartment an hour later. He tried calling first his mother and then Alexis. "Their messages are going to voicemail." He looked at Kate, who was smiling at him. "What're you smiling about? What're you up to?"

"I'm not 'up to' anything. We're having a baby girl, Castle," she walked over and looped her arms around his neck. "We're having a Lily, after all. Your Spidey senses were right."

"Well, since we can't reach Alexis or my mother, let's see if we can call your dad. I'm busting to tell somebody!"

Kate called her dad, but his phone was also going to voicemail. "He's probably on his way to work or in an early morning meeting. Let's have lunch and we'll try to call them back."

Instead of wanting lunch, Castle took Kate's hand and pulled her back to their bedroom where they removed each other's clothes and fell to the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Afterward, Kate was still trying to catch her breath while Castle traced his fingers over her stomach, tracing their baby in reverential awe. "When you get toward the end of the pregnancy, we'll actually get to see hands and feet."

"Through my skin?" Kate asked in shock.

"Alexis would stretch and you could see her hands and feet. It was amazing to see."

"It sounds painful."

Castle was about to say something when they heard someone knocking on their door. "Let me go and see who that is," he got up and pulled on his pants.

"I'll come with you," Kate grabbed her robe and shrugged into it. "Were you expecting anybody?"

"No. Were you?" He asked as they walked to the door. He was shocked to find Alexis, Martha and Jim Beckett all standing there. "Alexis, Mother, Jim? What're you doing here?"

"We thought we'd surprise you. Surprise!" Martha said, hugging Castle before entering the apartment and embracing Kate. "Katherine, you look absolutely beautiful!"

"I thought that your schedules . . . you told me . . . Kate, did you know anything about this?"

"I asked your mother and Alexis to visit, but dad—" Kate walked over and gave her father a warm hug. "This is a wonderful surprise."

"Alexis called me and said that she was coming for a few days with Martha and she asked me to come. Martha is right," he stepped back to look at her. "You look radiant." 

"I'm glad that you're all here because Kate and I were going to call you," Castle ushered them into the small living room.

"Castle, I'm going to get dressed. Maybe you should, too, before we make the big announcement."

"Oh, you got the results of the tests today!" Martha clapped her hands together joyfully.

"Mother, we'll be right back. I don't have any wine, but there is a pitcher of lemonade in the refrigerator," Castle told his guests.

After quickly getting dressed, they returned to the living room, Kate with an envelope in her hands. Castle sat in an armchair and Kate perched on the arm, smiling as she handed the envelope across the coffee table to Martha. "Dr. Duvalier told us that the baby is perfectly fine and healthy."

"Oh, that's wonderful news. So, the bullet didn't do any damage?" Jim asked anxiously.

"It doesn't look that way."

Kate watched as the three most important people in hers' and Rick's lives carefully examined the ultrasound pictures. It was Alexis who noticed the word first, carefully typed on one of the pictures. She looked at the picture first, then at her father, and then back at the picture before jumping up and fiercely embracing her father and Kate. "I'm having a baby sister!" She squealed.

"Richard, Katherine, this is so wonderful. I'm going to have another little granddaughter to love and spoil," Martha got up and joined Alexis.

"What do you think, dad? Your first grandbaby is going to be a little girl," Kate smiled at her father.

"I can't believe that my baby is going to have a baby," his voice was choked up as Kate got up and walked over to him. "I wish your mom could be here for this," he whispered in her hair as he held her.

"She's here, dad. She'll always be here in spirit. And I'll make sure that Lily knows everything about her grandmother."

"Lily, huh?" He looked at her as she nodded.

"The doctor who told me and Castle about her is named Lily. I told her that I'd name the baby after her if we had a girl. I'm so glad that all three of you are here," she leaned into her father's embrace, smiling over at Alexis.

The five of them went out to dinner at a nearby restaurant, choosing to walk around once they were done with their meal. "It's so much better seeing Paris this way than the way that I saw it the last time," Alexis confided to Kate as they walked behind Castle, Martha and Jim on the way back to the apartment.

"Alexis, thank you for bringing my dad."

"After I talked to you that day, I started thinking that as much as my dad missed me and Gram, I knew that you had to miss your dad at least that much. He jumped at the chance to come with us, so I knew that he was missing you, too."

"How is everybody else back at home?"

"I see the boys and Lanie all of the time. They've been helping Mr. Reece with the renovations. I don't see Chief Gates quite as often, but her husband has been helping, too. But the case—"

"Alexis, what about the case?" Kate stopped walking, noticing that Castle had done the same, turning around to look at them.

"Alexis, we said that we weren't going to discuss that," Martha chastised the young woman.

"Alexis, what about the case?" Kate repeated.

"Katherine, let's at least get off the street. Come along," Martha ushered them back to the apartment.

"Mason Wood is still all over the local news. And you can't pick up any of the papers without seeing something about him," Jim said.

"And then there's Hayley," Alexis added.

"What about Hayley?" Castle growled.

"She's talking to the Justice Department."

"She's making a deal?" He was incredulous.

"So far, she's the only one who is," Jim said. "Castle, I know how badly she hurt you. I understand how betrayed you feel, but without her, the case is weak, at best."

"Please tell me that they aren't offering her immunity."

"I don't know the details of her deal. None of us do. I imagine that you'll meet with the DOJ when you return to New York."

"Richard, our visit is supposed to be a happy occasion," Martha reminded him. "You're having a new baby girl. There's going to be a new tiny baby to spoil and love."

"You're right, Mother," Castle smiled, taking his Mother's hand along with Kate's. "I can't wait for this little one to meet her family."

The family left shortly before 11 to go to their hotel. After taking a shower, Castle and Kate cuddled together in bed, looking at the ultrasound pictures for the 100th time. "Look at her hands, Castle. She's going to have your writer's hands," Kate grinned at him.

"Whatever she decides to become, she's going to be exceptional. Thank you," he kissed her temple.

"For what?"

"For everything. For bringing our families here. For giving me another little girl."

"You're welcome. Thank you for giving me this baby girl. My mother would've loved her. She always talked about having a granddaughter to dress up and take shopping or play tea party with."

"I know that you miss her. I'd do anything to bring her back if I could."

"I know. I'll always miss her, but having you here helps. Feeling how much you love the both of us is everything."

"We should get some sleep."

"Love you," she yawned before cuddling tighter into him.

"Love you back," he took the ultrasound pictures from her, setting them aside before reaching over and turning off the lamp, plunging their room into total darkness.

 **A/N #1: The next chapter will have Castle and Beckett returning to The Big Apple for the final months of Kate's pregnancy. Expect a rollercoaster.**

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	24. Coming Home

**A/N #1: There's going to be a lot going on in this chapter. I'm also going to put some focus on to what has been going on in the loft during Castle and Kate's absence.**

 **A/N #2: I've always found Jim Beckett to be one of the most underused characters in the 'Castle' story arc. I missed seeing him after Season 7.**

 **A/N #3: I'm sorry this took so long to post. I had some difficulties with the current chapter that I'm working on. I hope it's worth the wait.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 24: Coming Home**

 _September 15_

Jim Beckett and Chief Gates husband, Thomas, were having the cabinets brought into Rick and Kate's loft with the assistance of several of Jake Reece's crew. "Oh, you finished them!" Alexis exclaimed when they started bringing the cabinets through the front door.

"Yes. Now let's just hope they're done correctly. The counter tops and the sink will be delivered at the end of the week," Jim directed the men to leave the cabinets just outside of the kitchen. "How is the nursery coming along?"

"Great. Gram won't let anybody see it. Every time one of us tries to peek, she threatens us with violence," Alexis said as Jim laughed.

"I love your grandmother's flair for the dramatic," Jim smiled at Alexis. "Well Tom, let's see if we got our measurements correct."

When Jake Reece had gutted the kitchen, he'd brought it out further so that a center island could be installed. The island was due to be delivered the same day as the sink and the counter tops. "Do you think this will help?" Tom asked as the two men installed the cabinets, securely anchoring them to the floor.

"I don't know," Jim answered, looking up from his power tools. "It worries me that neither of them want to see pictures of what we've done with the kitchen."

"Victoria told me that it was a mess. I'm sorry," he instantly apologized, seeing the look that crossed his new friend's face. "I didn't mean—"

"No, it's all right. I'm just glad that I didn't see it happen this time."

"This time?"

"The man that your wife took over for, Roy Montgomery, was murdered five years ago. While Katie was giving the eulogy at his funeral, she was shot by a sniper. I was standing about 20 feet away from her when it happened. She spent months recuperating. So did I." He looked at Tom, who was shaking his head and grinning. "What's so funny?"

"Vic told me about the first time that she met your daughter. She described her as 'fiercely determined.' Vic was worried that she was going to be 'fiercely determined' to get herself killed."

"Yeah, Katie is somewhat hard-headed. I have a feeling that my granddaughter is going to be the same way."

"Vic is the same way. I remember my mother-in-law telling her when she was pregnant with our oldest daughter that she was going to have a daughter just like her. And she did," he smiled.

"My wife would tell Katie the same thing. But she turned out to be a good woman. I'm very proud of her."

"That's about the best that you can hope for in this day and age is for your children to turn out okay."

"Well, let's see how it looks," Jim said as the two men left the kitchen and stood in the middle of the living room floor. "It looks good."

"It'll look better when the counter tops come in. We need another opinion, though. We're the creators, so we're going to be biased," Tom pointed out.

"Alexis!"

"What's wrong?" Alexis came running out of the master bedroom. "Wow, these are great."

Alexis walked into the kitchen and admired the dark wood of the new, hand-crafted cabinets. "You two could put the Amish to shame. Dad and Kate are going to love these."

"I'm kind of glad that they don't want pictures of the kitchen. This makes for a better surprise," Jim admitted. "When is the rest of the furniture being delivered?"

"The living room furniture and the counter tops will be here on Friday. The baby furniture will be here late next week."

"How late? They're coming back on the 30th," Jim reminded her.

"The estimated date is the 25th. Gram and I have been on them every day. Believe me, they're tired of hearing from us."

"Well, I think considering the fact that we had such a tight deadline to work with that we've done a good job," Jim looked around the empty front room of the loft.

New flooring had been put down throughout the first story of the loft. Alexis had cleared it with her father about the new furniture, so his credit card was getting quite a workout, but the end result would be beautiful. They were all pleased with the results and they knew that Kate and Rick would like it when they saw it. "How has Kate been feeling?" Tom asked.

"Every time I talk to her, she says that she's fine. But I don't know," Jim sighed. "I'll be glad when she gets back home. What does your dad say, Alexis? I know that you chat late at night after Katie has gone to sleep."

"He worries. I don't think either of them sleep well. I wish we hadn't told them about the case when we went to visit."

"They would find out, anyway," Jim told her. "The people I've talked to from the DOJ have said that they don't think anything is going to happen for several more months. Hopefully that'll give Katie time to recuperate from the pregnancy and Lily's birth."

"Well, two more weeks and they'll be home for good," Alexis smiled. "I'd better get back to work."

***CCC***

Ryan and Esposito were sitting in a room with Chief Gates and two representatives from the Department of Justice. The mood in the room could best be described as somber. "You're going to offer Hayley Shipton and Vikram Singh immunity?" Esposito's words came out as a growl of anger. "How can you do that?"

"We've been interviewing Ms. Shipton and Ms. Singh all summer; since this all exploded," Drake Evans, the lead investigator told them. "Their stories have never changed. They were minor players who did what they were told when they were told to do it. Their lives were at stake just as surely as Capt. Beckett's and Mr. Castle's were. In exchange for their truthful testimony against Mr. Wood, Ms. O'Hara and Mr. Flynn, they'll be given immunity and placed into Wit-Sec."

"Detectives," the other investigator, Mr. Isaac, spoke up, "without Ms. Shipton and Mr. Singh, the case against the others was weak. Most of the proof about the so-called LokSat organization died when Former Senator Bracken was murdered in prison."

"And we still don't know who was behind that," Ryan reminded them.

"It's still being investigated. But yes, so far, we haven't been able to turn up any new leads."

"Gentlemen, Beckett and Mr. Castle are returning to New York City very soon. How safe are they going to be?" Gates asked.

"We believe that the threat is over," Evans stated in a flat tone.

"You believe? But you don't know for certain?"

"No, we don't know for certain. The three major players in all of this have refused to talk to us since their arrests. We don't know if this runs deeper or not."

"Thank you for coming in and bringing us up to speed," Gates thanked the two men before walking them out.

"Beckett is going to flip," Espo said when Gates came back to the table and sat down.

"Gentlemen, we can't tell her. Not until they return to the states."

"They know that the DOJ was talking to Hayley. Alexis, Martha and Jim Beckett went to Paris to see Castle and Beckett last month. They told them that she was being talked to," Ryan said.

"How did they take it?"

"Not too well, from what Alexis told me. I can't believe that the case against them is really that weak!" Ryan got up from the table and began walking around the room. "Flynn kidnapped Castle. Wood tortured him before kidnapping Beckett and then almost incinerating both her and Castle. And what about Caleb Brown? Who sent him to kill Castle and Beckett that morning?"

"We don't know. For all we know, Caleb Brown was working independently of the others. We don't know what Hayley and Vikram have said to the DOJ. We probably won't find out until the hearings start and I don't look for that to happen before early next year," Gates said.

"They're going to walk," Espo scoffed.

"Sir, before Hayley was busted, Castle had asked her to hack into Winterkill's computer system. I don't know how far she got, but what if we could get Alexis to check into it?"

"Ryan, may I remind you that if we did get Alexis to do this and she found anything, it would be inadmissible because it would be an illegal search?"

"Could we get a warrant?" Espo asked.

"There were no cameras in solitary," Gates reminded the two detectives. "Look, I don't like the idea of those two getting immunity, either. But that's the reality of our lives as detectives. Sometimes very bad people walk. My mother used to call a situation like this robbing from Peter to pay Paul. We don't have to like it, but there's nothing that we can do about it. The DOJ is above us in the food chain and it's their call." She watched as Ryan took out his cell phone. "Who are you calling?"

"Everybody. We need a family meeting."

Since the beginning of the summer when they'd all started working on the renovation of Castle's loft together, they'd become a family of sorts. At least once a week, everybody got together for dinner where they'd swap stories or share concerns about their friends. And since things had gained momentum at the end of July, they'd had several 'family meetings' where they discussed things that they were learning about the case. "Fine, Ryan. Call a family meeting. But let's all agree that we're keeping this bit of news away from Castle and Beckett. At least for the time being."

***CCC***

 _Paris_

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Duvalier asked Kate while he palpated her uterus. "The baby is growing on schedule."

"The scar has been pulling a lot," Kate rubbed the scar on her abdomen for emphasis. "Sometimes it wakes me up at night."

"It will pull more as the baby gets bigger. Does she move a lot?"

"Constantly," Kate grinned. "Castle can feel her sometimes now. He couldn't at first."

"When are you going home?"

"Two weeks. He made our reservations and we have a long layover in Dusseldorf, Germany. It'll get us back in New York later, but he wants me to have a lot of time to rest."

"That's very smart. Drink plenty of water both a few days before and during the flight. Yes, you will have to go to the bathroom a lot, but you'll feel much better. And wear loose clothes."

"That's not going to be a problem. You've sent my records to Dr. O'Malley?"

"I will next week. You'll see him as soon as you arrive back in New York?"

"I have an appointment on the third of October. You said the baby is due on December 18?"

"More or less. Babies never come when the doctor says. And first babies are the worst," he waved his hands in dramatic fashion, reminding Kate of Martha. "It could be December 18, or it could be December 28. If it is too late, you will be induced." 

"And you said I can have a natural delivery?"

"At this point, I see no reason why not. If I do not see you before you leave, have a safe trip."

"Thank you, Dr. Duvalier."

After the doctor left the room, Kate got dressed and returned to the waiting room where she'd left Castle, the only man alone in a sea of pregnant French women. "Is everything okay?" He asked, taking her hand and leading her from the room.

"Everything's perfect. I told him that Lily is practicing to become a circus acrobat."

"Did you tell him about your scar pulling?"

"He said it'll get worse the bigger I get. But he didn't seem too concerned, so let's not worry about it, either. I'm hungry, Castle."

"What would Madame like for lunch today?"

"Pizza."

"Then pizza it is."

After eating lunch, they returned to the apartment where Kate stripped out of her clothes and stretched out on their bed, enjoying the freedom of movement that being naked allowed her. She absentmindedly rubbed the scar on her abdomen, smiling when Castle stripped down to his boxers to join her on the bed, placing his hand over hers. "I wish that I could take the pain away."

"I know," she brushed her other hand through his hair, feathering it back from his forehead.

"Everything is on schedule, though? Growth-wise, I mean?"

"Yeah. He said that she's right on schedule with where she's supposed to be. Castle, except for the scar bothering me, I feel great. Please don't worry."

"I can't help worrying. It's what I do. Has she been active today?" He placed his hand just under Kate's belly button, where they usually felt Lily's movements.

"So far, she's been pretty calm today. But Lily also knows her daddy's touch," she grinned when she felt some gentle taps. She looked at Castle, seeing his awe-struck smile at the feeling.

"How does it feel from inside of you?"

"When I first felt her move, I thought that my stomach was growling and then I thought it was gas," she said as Castle laughed. "Now that it's been a few weeks, I can tell when she's kicking or when she's tumbling around. I've learned what foods she doesn't like and what she does like."

"Pizza is obviously a favorite." They'd been eating pizza at least three times a week for almost a month.

"She also likes your spaghetti carbonara. She also likes when you read to me. That's when she'll get really calm."

"I can't wait until we see her for the first time."

"I'm a little scared about that part, Castle."

"Me, too."

"What if I have to have a cesarean like Meredith or like Jenny did with Nicholas?"

"That's something we'll talk about if the time comes. Kate, both Dr. Duvalier and Dr. O'Malley have said that there's no reason why you can't have a normal delivery. The most important thing is getting Lily here safely."

"Nothing can go wrong, Rick," she placed her hand on top of his, feeling their daughter squirming around inside. "She's doing somersaults."

"How can you tell?"

"Believe me, I can tell. She's such a showoff."

"Kind of like her old man, huh?"

"Exactly like her old man," she reached for him, tugging him up the bed. "Take a nap with me, Castle."

When Kate awoke an hour later, she found herself alone, covered with a thin blanket. She could smell something wonderful cooking and her stomach rumbled hungrily. She got up and pulled on some clothes before going in search of her husband. She found him in the kitchen, humming while he diced onions on a cutting board. "Hey, I was about to come and see if you were awake," he smiled happily when she came over to kiss him. "I am making a Spinach Frittata. Afterwards, I was thinking that we could take a walk together."

"That sounds wonderful. Have you talked to your mother or Alexis today?"

"No, I was going to call Alexis when we return from our walk."

Paris in September was truly beautiful. The weather was perfect for a long stroll, Castle and Kate held hands while walking leisurely along their usual route. "Let me know if you get too tired," he told her.

"Castle, this is the good trimester, remember? I feel great. In fact, I feel so good that I want to ride that," she pointed at Le Grande Roue in the distance. "Come on, Castle! We can see all the lights from the top. Please?"

"Fine, but I'm not at fault if I barf all over you," he warned her as they approached the ticket gate for the huge Ferris Wheel.

After paying, they were clicked into one of the cars. Castle had a death grip on Kate's hand as the wheel began to slowly move. But when he looked at Kate and saw how excited she looked, he had to smile. Her happiness mattered more to him than anything in the world. If she had asked him to climb the giant wheel, he would've gladly done it just to see her smile like she was at this very moment. "When it stops at the top, we should take some selfies," she smiled at him, pulling out her phone.

He looked out over the city below. It was a magical sight. Paris was always beautiful at night, but to see it from this vantage point was breathtaking. Castle forgot all about his terror of Ferris Wheels as he looked out over the city. "You can see everything for miles," he pointed out to Kate.

Kate aimed her phone at the landscape, snapping some pictures. "Castle, this is Lily's first Ferris Wheel ride. I'll have to note that in her baby book."

"Her first ride and she won't even remember it," he kissed her.

"But we will."

"Definitely."

When they got to the top of the ride and stopped, Kate moved closer to Castle, aiming her phone at them both. "Smile," she told him, snapping several more pictures.

"My turn," he took his phone out and took some pictures.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For riding this with me. I know that you were scared."

"I was," he admitted. "But when I saw how happy being here made you, that fear vanished. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Let's go home and call our family."

When they returned to the apartment and Skyped Alexis, they were surprised to find everybody there at the loft. "Hey," Kate said, pleased to see the faces of their family and friends. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Alexis was quick to assure her. "Jim and Mr. Gates were finishing some stuff, so we decided to get together and have pizza here."

"Dad, what're you up to?" Kate watched her father's face carefully.

"I'm not 'up to' anything," Jim retorted. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling great. Castle and I just got back from riding the Ferris Wheel."

"You got him on it?" Alexis shouted in excitement. "Way to go, Kate!"

"We wanted to give you our flight information," Castle quickly added before Alexis said anything more about his fear of Ferris Wheels in front of the boys. "We'll be landing at JFK on September 30 at 11:45 in the morning."

"Why so late, Richard? Doesn't the flight from Paris to New York usually land early in the morning?" Martha asked.

"I booked us a flight with a long layover on the advice of Kate's doctors. Both Dr. Duvalier here and Dr. O'Malley in New York agreed with this. It gives her a chance to walk around and rest. But it would be great if someone could meet us at the airport," he hinted.

"Gram and I will definitely be there," Alexis promised him.

The detective in Kate had a feeling that there was something going on that they were keeping from her and Castle. "What's the latest about the case?"

"You know the government," she heard Espo in the background. "They're slower than molasses in January. The case is still in the news, but it's the same story, different day. You know, Beckett. No news is good news."

"You're just full of clichés, aren't you, Javi?"

"Beckett, don't worry about the case," came the advice from Ryan. "You'll have plenty of time to worry about that when you come home."

"You guys are in my living room at one o'clock in the afternoon when you should all be working or in class," Kate reminded them. "I have to wonder why that is. What are you not telling us?"

"So much for not telling Beckett," Tom Gates whispered to his wife. "She's sharp, Vic. You all should've known better than trying to keep anything from her."

"Beckett, let's end this call," Gates suggested. "Mr. Castle, I will call you in a few minutes. _Do not_ put me on speaker."

"Castle—"

"Kate, let me find out what's going on. I promise that I will fill you in on whatever it is that she tells me. I _won't_ keep anything from you. Okay?"

"Fine. I'll go out on the terrace," she grabbed a light sweater and walked onto the tiled terrace.

"Chief Gates, call me in two minutes," Castle ordered. He then ended the Skype call with Alexis and waited for his cell phone to ring. It rang right on time. "What's going on?" He answered, cutting to the chase.

"We had a meeting this morning with the DOJ," Gates voice came over the line. "They've been talking to both Hayley Shipton and Vikram Singh all summer. Mr. Castle, both have been offered immunity in exchange for their testimony against Mason Wood and the others."

"Immunity?" Castle rubbed the space between his eyes. "Are they kidding? Vikram Singh set Kate up to be kidnapped by Mason Wood's goons and Hayley knew all along who LokSat was, but didn't stop me and Kate from following the case. She's the reason we got shot! And you're telling me that they're going to walk!"

"Mr. Castle, believe me, I'm not crazy about it, either. But the DOJ didn't believe that they had much of a case against Mason Wood without either of them."

"What happens afterward? To Hayley and Vikram?"

"They'll be put in Wit-Sec."

"So, they get new lives while Kate and I struggle with what happened in our home for the rest of our lives."

"Do you understand now why I didn't want to tell Beckett?"

"Yeah, I understand. But you also should know by now that she knows when people aren't telling her something."

"Yes, I do. In a way, maybe this way is better. The news should come from you and not one of us or from some stranger from the DOJ."

"You're right about that," Castle let out a long sigh.

"I'll let you go and talk to Kate. I look forward to seeing both of you when you return to the city."

"Thank you, sir."

Kate was sitting in her favorite chair, listening to the street sounds from down below when she heard the French doors open. She looked over at Castle walking out with two steaming mugs in his hand. "So, this is a mug of tea story?" She accepted one of the mugs from his hand, watching him tug the other chair closer to her.

"It might be a bottle of wine story, but since you're cut off, tea will have to do. Are you comfortable out here or do you want to go inside?"

"Am I going to yell and scream?"

"Maybe, but I would advise against it since it's not good for Lily," he glanced at her baby bulge.

"Am I going to cry?" She wrapped her hands around the mug, breathing in the scent of peppermint.

"I don't know."

"I learned to control my rage when my mother died. I've found that it comes in very handy in my line of work."

"Yeah, I've noticed that, too."

"Let me guess," she met his eyes and took a deep breath. "They've dropped all of the charges against Wood and the others."

"No, it's not quite as bad as that. They're offering Hayley and Vikram immunity."

"Immunity and then Wit-Sec?" She guessed.

"Yeah. They've been talking to the DOJ all summer. According to Gates, their stories have never wavered."

"They're going to walk?" Her lip began trembling.

"It looks that way."

"They're going to walk?" She repeated, getting up and going into the apartment, shutting the door behind her.

Castle took a deep breath before getting up and going inside to look for Kate. He found her in the bathroom, her hands cupped under her growing stomach, staring at her reflection in the mirror. When she saw him in the mirror, she instantly turned, feeling his arms come around her, crushing her to his chest. "They're the reason why we almost died, Castle. I can't believe they're going to get new lives while we struggle every day to put our lives back together."

"We're going to be okay, Kate. Why don't I run us a warm bath and we'll relax together?"

"Okay."

A few minutes later, Kate was relaxing against Castle's chest, feeling his fingers stroke different areas on her body. "Castle, feel," she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "Lily loves taking a bath."

"Wow, she's really rolling around in there, isn't she?"

"I'm just glad that you can feel her now. If she's this active when she comes out, we're never going to be able to keep up with her."

"I can get her to calm down," Castle's voice was warm in her ear as his hands began slowly caressing her swollen abdomen. "Lily, you're supposed to be relaxing, not rolling all over the place. I think mommy would like a small break from all of the activity."

"I don't mind the activity," she closed her eyes, feeling relaxed by Castle's gentle caresses. "I like knowing that she's there and safe."

"We're going to keep her safe once she's on the outside too, Kate."

***CCC***

 _September 30_

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. On behalf of the crew of Air France flight 475, we'd like to thank you for flying with us this morning. Please make sure that your seat belts are fastened as we make our final descent into John F. Kennedy International Airport."

"We're finally home," Castle whispered to Kate, who smiled and kissed him.

"I can't wait to see everybody."

"Are we ready to see the loft?" He asked, the question hanging heavy over both of their heads.

"It's time, Castle," she took his hand and squeezed it.

After deplaning and making their way through customs, Castle took Kate's hand as they began walking toward baggage claim. They knew that's where Martha and Alexis would be meeting them. But they were surprised when they approached the baggage claim carousels to not only see Martha and Alexis, but Jim Beckett, the boys and Lanie, also. "Girl, look at you!" Lanie squealed before hugging her best friend. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too. This is a wonderful surprise," she turned to the boys, hugging each of them before reaching for her father. "Hi, dad."

"Welcome home, Katie."

"Let's get your bags and go home," Martha said.

It was another hour before they arrived at the loft. Kate and Castle were both a bundle of nerves as they rode up in the elevator. "Darling, if you and Katherine aren't ready, we can just go to the Hamptons," Martha said.

"No," Castle shook his head. "No. Like Kate said, it's time. We have appointments next week to see Dr. Burke. For now, I just want us to go home and get settled."

They all got off the elevator and turned the corner to the loft. Castle stopped Alexis when she started to unlock the door, pulling out his keys instead. "I've got this," he slipped his key into the lock and turned it, listening to the click as the door unlocked. Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob with one hand while clasping Kate's hand with the other.

"Oh, wow," Kate found it hard to breathe when they walked into the front entry.

She released Castle's hand, walking into the living room. The living room furniture had been replaced with a brand-new set. Kate ran her hand over the buttery soft black leather. But her eyes had been instantly drawn to the kitchen. It had been brought out and widened, the former white cabinetry replaced by dark oak cabinets. In the center was a marble topped island. Kate looked at the cabinets before looking at her father. "You made the cabinets?"

"Well, I had help," Jim Beckett bashfully admitted.

"It's beautiful," she walked over and hugged him. "Thank you."

Castle was still hanging back with the boys and Alexis. "Dad?"

"Castle?" Kate looked at him. She knew instantly that he was back on that kitchen floor, thinking that they were going to die together. "Rick?" He finally looked at her. "It's okay. Come and see what dad made. Come on, it's okay."

He finally let her take his hand and lead him into the kitchen. It looked sparkling and new, better than it had when he had first moved in with Alexis so long before. Everything was new, from the tiles on the floor to the new appliances. Nothing was as it had been that fateful May morning. "These cabinets are beautiful," he looked at his father-in-law. "I didn't know that you did wood working."

"It's been a hobby of mine since I was a boy. Katie's great-grandfather taught me."

"Dad, Kate, would you like to see the rest of the loft?" Alexis asked. "I think that we're all anxious to see the baby's room."

"None of you—"

"Gram kept us all locked out," Alexis looked at her grandmother, who simply smiled and shrugged.

"I want to see the baby's room," Kate smiled at Castle, who nodded and took her hand.

The master bedroom was decorated the same, only the space was smaller. "We put the nursery in the middle between the master bedroom and Richard's office. There are two doors, one on each side. That way, either of you can go to Lily if she needs you," Martha said, walking over to the closed door. "Katherine, I hope that you like what I've done."

With that, Martha turned the knob and opened the door, leading the group in. "Oh Martha, I . . . it's wonderful," Kate couldn't believe her eyes when she looked at the room.

Lily's name was on the wall in large block letters over the crib. There were lily pads and frilly looking frogs all over the walls. The walls themselves were painted a pastel green. Martha had also painted butterflies and birds around the room to complete the water lily theme. Kate turned and embraced Martha. "It's beautiful, Martha. Thank you, Lily's going to love it."

"You're welcome, my darling. Welcome home, both of you," she reached one arm out to Castle, enfolding them to her.

Later that night, Kate lay in Castle's arms, her head resting on his chest. Sensing his wakefulness, she propped herself up to look at him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm okay," he smiled at her. "I just can't sleep. I have to get used to sleeping in our bed again. I miss the sounds of the street from our little Paris apartment."

"It was a wonderful summer, Castle, but I'm glad to be back home in our own bed. We need to do something special for your mother."

"She did a beautiful job on Lily's nursery, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did," she lay back down, feeling Castle's arm anchoring her to his chest. "I can't wait to actually have Lily so that we can put her in her crib in her new room."

"Time will pass quickly. You'll see," he kissed the top of her head. "We should get some sleep."

"I'm so happy to be home, Castle."

"Me, too."

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	25. Conquering Demons

**A/N #1: Before I go further, I want to thank everybody who has read and reviewed my stories.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 25: Conquering Demons**

 _Early October_

"Well, I see that you've had a productive summer," Dr. Burke noted with his usual dry delivery when he opened his door to his first patient of the morning. "Come on in, Kate."

Kate brushed her hand over her blouse, feeling Lily's reassuring roll beneath her hands. She had an early morning appointment with Dr. Burke while Castle had physical therapy for his shoulder. While they each had reservations about being apart from each other, they were going to meet at Dr. O'Malley's office later that morning. It had taken every ounce of willpower not to text her husband every two seconds while sitting in Dr. Burke's comfortable waiting area.

"Thank you for seeing me," she said after walking into the room and going over to her usual chair.

"I was wondering when you were going to call me," Dr. Burke closed the door before coming over and taking the chair across from Kate. "How was Paris?"

"Wonderful," Kate smiled. "We had both been there before, but it was fun to explore the city together. We saw a lot of the sights from different perspectives."

"When are you due?"

"The middle of December. I found out while I was in the hospital recovering from the shooting. We're having a girl," Kate's smile was huge. "Her name is Lily Johanna."

"That's a beautiful name. Congratulations. Are you going to be returning to work before you give birth?"

"I don't know. I can stay at my desk and let the boys handle everything, but there's another part of me that wants to stay as close to Rick as I can. I don't like letting him out of my sight and he's the same way."

"That's understandable considering what happened. Are you living in the loft since your return from Europe?"

"Yeah, but—" she paused, rubbing her hands over her baby bulge.

"But what, Kate?"

"The contractor and our families did a wonderful job renovating everything. The baby's room is magical," Kate's eyes lit up when she thought of Lily's room. "Neither of us sleep. The loft is incredibly secure. The security system is beyond anything I've ever seen. I'm not even sure the White House is as secure as our home is. Castle can't relax. He gets up and goes from room to room making sure that we're the only people in the apartment. And when he gets up—"

"He wakes you up."

"Yes."

"Have you talked to him about coming in to see me?"

"Yes. He's not ready. But that's not the only problem. Neither of us can go into the kitchen. My father and Mr. Gates completely redid it. It looks nothing like the old kitchen, but it's just the thought of being in that room. We either eat out for every meal or Alexis cooks. I know that we can't go on this way, but neither of us know how to move past that morning."

"How long have the two of you been back?"

"Since the end of September."

"I really wouldn't read too much into not being able to go into the kitchen. It's only been a few days. It's all baby steps, Kate. Just like it was following your first shooting. Maybe the three of you could make a meal together. I think if the two of you can get involved in the process, that might help quell some of your demons."

"But what about Castle's wandering?"

"Kate, I don't know what to tell you about that. I'd like to talk to him and see if he can voice his fears. Have either of you talked about what happened that morning?"

"We talk about certain aspects of it, but we've never had a complete conversation about it." 

"Were either of you having problems sleeping while you were in Paris?"

"Yes. Castle wasn't sleeping well there, either. I heard him a few times on Skype with Alexis early in the morning. He thought that I didn't know. He always told me that he was writing, but he hasn't written anything since before we got shot."

"Were you sleeping okay?"

"Most of the time. Being pregnant helped tremendously in that respect," she smiled.

"But now you're not sleeping well?"

"It's mostly because I wake up when Rick's not there and by the time I'm able to get him back to bed, we're both wide awake."

"I know that I shouldn't have to tell you how important your rest is right now."

"I know and Rick knows that, too. We've even talked about going back to the house in the Hamptons. We went there immediately after we were released from the hospital after the shooting."

"That's one solution," Dr. Burke steepled his fingers under his chin. "But the better solution is to help both of you readjust to your home. And for me to do that, I need to talk to Rick."

"I'll get him in here," Kate vowed. "I can get him to do just about anything by using Lily as an excuse."

"You fight dirty."

"I use what tools that I have at my disposal," Kate smiled.

"Let me talk to Rick and then I'll schedule a visit with both of you."

"You can help us with this, can't you?" Kate's voice was shaky with emotion.

"I can help you with this. But, like before, you're going to have to put in the work."

"I want to put in the work and I know that Rick does, too."

"Okay," he stood up and walked to the door, waiting for Kate to follow him. "Have Rick call me today and I'll talk to you soon."

"Thank you, Dr. Burke."

***CCC***

Castle was standing outside of Dr. O'Malley's office building, looking anxiously at every taxi that whizzed by. He glanced at his watch, wondering where in the hell Kate was. Her appointment with Dr. Burke should've ended an hour before. He began pacing furiously in front of the building when a taxi pulled up to the curb and Kate got out. "Thank god you're here," he ran over and folded her into a tight embrace against his chest.

"Rick?" Kate's voice was muffled against Castle's chest. "Babe? It's getting a little hard to breathe here."

"Oh, I'm sorry," he let her go, his eyes wide and wild-looking.

"I'm okay," her hands caressed his jaw lovingly. "There was an accident near Dr. Burke's office. My cab got slowed by emergency vehicles. I called Dr. O'Malley and told him that I was running late. Let's go," she clasped his hand, pulling him into the building.

When Kate was called back, Castle stood up preparing to follow her. Kate looked at him and then at the nurse, who simply laughed and waved them both back. "Dr. O'Malley is with another patient. He'll be with you the second that he's finished."

"Thank you." She took Castle's hand after the nurse closed the door. "How was your therapy session?"

"Good. How was yours?"

"Good, also. Babe, Dr. Burke wants to talk to you."

"You told him about my wandering around?" He stared at the floor.

"Castle, when you don't sleep, neither do I. And I really need my sleep right now. We have the best security that money can buy. Nobody is ever going to come into our home again without us knowing it. We're safe now. Will you call Dr. Burke? Will you do it for me and your daughters?" She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, watching him smile when he felt Lily moving around.

"Yeah, I'll call him," he leaned toward her and kissed her. "I'll call him when we get home."

"Thank you."

"Okay, break it up. That's how you got in that condition in the first place," Dr. O'Malley walked into the room. "I did knock, but you two lovebirds were making out and didn't hear me. Kate, you look wonderful. How are you feeling?"

"Really good most of the time."

"Okay, tell me what happens when you're not feeling really good," he sat down on a nearby stool, sliding it over to where Kate was sitting.

"The scar," Kate glanced at Castle, who nodded his head, urging her to continue. "We put Vitamin E and cocoa butter on it religiously, but sometimes it pulls and the pain is horrible."

"Why don't I go get my nurse and I'll look at it?" He walked over and got a gown, handing it to her. "Change into this and I'll be right back."

"Should I leave?" Castle was suddenly nervous.

"Why? I think you've seen Kate naked more than a few times," Dr. O'Malley grinned.

With Castle's help, Kate undressed and put the gown on backwards. "If he's going to look at the scar, it's easier if the gown is opened in the front," she explained when he made a face. "And just so you know, you're not coming back here for every doctor's appointment."

"Understood," he smiled.

Minutes later, Dr. O'Malley returned with his nurse. "Kate, why don't you get on the table on your back. While I have you here, I want to do a non-stress test, anyway. We can kill two birds with one stone. I see from the notes that I received from Dr. Duvalier that you had a glucose test."

"Yes, on my last visit. My blood sugar was normal."

"I saw that. Let's measure that baby belly, shall we?" He measured Kate's uterus, giving the numbers to the nurse, who recorded them. "The baby is growing just fine. Does the scar hurt when I touch it?"

"It's tender," Kate confirmed.

"What are you doing now when it gets painful?"

"Heat helps sometimes. But sometimes nothing helps and I just have to wait it out."

"How long does the pain last?"

"It varies. Sometimes it's just a few minutes and other times it can be several hours." 

"Unfortunately, the pain is probably going to get worse as your pregnancy goes on. If you can deal with it until you deliver, you should be okay. I think once you deliver, the pain will decrease."

"What is this non-stress test that you're talking about?" Kate asked, trying to focus on what was next rather than on the fact that she was going to have to learn to deal with the pain from her abdominal wound.

"I'm going to do an ultrasound and monitor the baby's heartbeat to see how it responds to her movements. It's a normal test."

The doctor squirted transducer gel on Kate's abdomen, moving it around with the wand before turning on the ultrasound monitor. "Does your daughter have a name?" Dr. O'Malley asked.

"Lily," Kate grinned at the image of their daughter frolicking on the screen.

"When is she the most active?"

"She's active all the time. Mostly in the evening or after we have sex," she glared at Castle.

"I need for you to start keeping track of her movements."

"Why?" Kate felt sudden panic.

"Kate, relax," Dr. O'Malley was quick to assure her. "What I'm asking you is a normal thing. If you're aware of her movements, it will make you more aware if there's a problem. Note the time that it takes for you to feel 10 movements. This is for anything but hiccups. I usually ask my patients to do this in the third trimester, but because you suffered such a traumatic injury and you're over 35, I want you to start doing that now. Lily's heartrate is perfect. You can go ahead and get dressed."

Dr. O'Malley and his nurse stepped out while Castle helped Kate off the table and she got dressed. "Do you remember Meredith having to count Alexis' movements?"

"Yeah, now that I think about it," he nodded. "I remember sitting beside her with a stopwatch and she counted Alexis' movements. Kate, if there is a problem, he would tell you."

"I'm just so tired, Rick." To his surprise, Kate broke down in tears. "I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of dealing with the pain. But I'm so tired of constantly worrying about Lily!"

"I know," he pulled her against his chest, rubbing her back. "But Kate, you're going to worry about Lily for the rest of your life. That's what happens when you become a parent. I will call Dr. Burke when we get home. I'm so sorry for what I'm putting you through."

He looked toward the door when he heard a light tap on it. "Is everything okay?" Dr. O'Malley asked when he saw Castle holding Kate.

"Pregnancy hormones," Kate wiped at her face, turning away from Castle.

"Here's your appointment for two weeks from today. I want you to start working on your birth plan over the next several weeks."

"I want a drug-free birth."

"I understand and we can go with that. But, keep in mind that asking for an epidural doesn't make you a wimp. Go home and talk things over with Rick. He's been through this before, so he can be a huge help. Do you have any questions?"

"No," she shook her head. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Call if you have any questions and I'll see you in two weeks."

"I do have one question," Kate stopped the doctor. "When is the best time to count her movements?"

"You said that she's most active in the evenings. That seems to be when most babies are the most active. You can do this early in the evening; maybe after you have dinner."

"Okay."

When they arrived home, Kate went to change clothes while Castle pulled out his cell phone to call Dr. Burke. He'd just ended the call when Kate emerged from their bedroom, dressed in a pair of sweats and one of Castle's t-shirts. She went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water, the furthest either of them would venture into the renovated room. "I have an appointment with Dr. Burke tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. Are you hungry? I could order in," he offered, placing his phone on the counter.

"No. I'm just going to have some yogurt," she grabbed a container of Greek yogurt and a spoon before coming around to sit beside him. "I'm sorry I fell apart earlier."

"You don't have to apologize to me for being human. I know that being a parent is new to you. But some of this is also new to me. I didn't get to be there when Alexis was born. I want to be there when Lily makes her way into the world. I want us to be the first faces that she sees, not the faces of some stranger."

"Well, Dr. O'Malley will be the one pulling her from me, so he will technically be the first face that she sees," she smiled at him.

"The point that I'm trying to make is so many people handled Alexis before I ever got to hold her for the first time. I want Lily to know us before she gets handed off to strangers."

"Castle, Lily already knows us. She knows our voices; she knows our temperaments. She knows us and she's not even here, yet. Have no doubt that our daughter already knows you and she loves you as much as I do. When you talk to her early in the morning, she gets so calm. You have such a wonderful effect on her. On both of us."

"Will you come with me tomorrow? I know it's silly, but I don't like having you out of my sight. I keep remembering what happened the last time that we got separated."

"I'll go with you. I'll be in the waiting area when you finish talking to Dr. Burke. Will you promise me something?" She moved so that she was facing Castle, her face only inches from his. "Promise me that you'll put in the work?"

"I promise," his lips brushed against hers, eliciting a moan from her throat.

"Because therapy doesn't work if you don't put in the work."

"Stop talking, Beckett."

***CCC***

After an orgasm that had Kate screaming Castle's name as well as some other really interesting curse words, Kate lay on her back, feeling Lily flip-flopping all over the place. "What is it about this kid that has her moving all over every time I have an orgasm?" She panted for breath, glancing over at Castle, who was also still trying to catch his breath.

"I read . . . that it has something to do with the muscle contractions that happen during an orgasm. Your . . . uterus is contracting, so it makes the baby move around a lot. We could . . . stop having sex," he grinned at her.

"No," she was quick to disagree. "I'm not about to give up the best sex I've ever had just because our daughter can't keep still afterwards."

"Remind me to write down . . . some of those profanities that you were using. They were . . . interesting. The best sex ever, huh?"

"Try not to gloat," she rolled onto her side, moving closer to kiss him. "But, yeah, you are pretty amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself," he pulled her closer, letting his hands do a leisurely roam over her body, feeling Lily kick against his hand, which never failed to amaze him. "Does it hurt?"

"No. It feels . . . strange sometimes, but it never fails to take my breath away. I've read that later it's going to hurt. But right now, she's not using my ribs as a xylophone or my bladder as a trampoline, so for now, it's awesome."

His lips began a slow descent down her body, following the path of his hands. He had just taken an engorged nipple into his mouth when they heard the front door slam. "Dad! Kate!" They both jolted upright at the sound of Alexis' voice.

"I thought she wasn't due home until later," Castle stage whispered, as he pulled the sheet over them.

"Dad! Kate!"

"Answer her, Castle, before she comes in here and sees us . . . naked!" Kate hissed at him.

"Relax. It's not like we aren't married," he said, earning an eyeroll from his wife. "Alexis?"

"Yeah?" They heard Alexis' voice on the other side of the door.

"We were taking a nap. We'll be right out."

"Okay. Are you hungry? I was thinking about cooking something for dinner."

"Why don't I order Chinese?"

"Okay."

"We'll be right out."

Alexis was sitting at the counter with a bowl of grapes when Kate came out of the bedroom first, scraping her hair into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. "Ooh, grapes," Kate grabbed a bunch before sitting beside the young woman.

"How was your nap?" Alexis gave Kate a knowing smile before eating some more fruit.

"It was great. How was class?"

"Great. I came home because I wanted to grab something to eat before going to the library. I have a tutoring session. What did the doctor say?"

"He did a non-stress test to check on Lily's heartrate. Everything is good," she was quick to assure Alexis. "She's growing on schedule. He wants me to work on a birth plan."

"You actually have to have a plan? Don't you just go into labor and then on to the hospital? Dr. O'Malley is making it sound like a military operation."

"That's because it can turn into one," Alexis turned and smiled at her father, who was walking over to them. "Hello, pumpkin," he kissed the top of her head. "What he wants Kate to do is decide if she wants a completely natural birth, which she does," he smiled at Kate. "She also needs to decide who she wants in the room with her. That sort of stuff."

"Did mom have a birth plan?"

"Uh, I don't remember it being discussed. I do know that your mother wanted drugs; lots of them."

"I figured as much. What if it gets too much to take? Will you ask for an epidural then?"

"Alexis, I've been shot in the heart. I don't think anything can be much more painful than that."

"Yeah, but you've also never had to push a baby through your vagina."

"Whoa!" Castle cried out as both women stared at him. "Do we have to discuss the 'V' word now?"

Kate just looked at Alexis and rolled her eyes. "I know that I've never done that, but I think that I can tough it out. Castle, I thought you were going to order dinner."

Later that night, Kate was reading her tablet while Castle was reading his. "Can we agree to at least make it an option?" Castle's voice broke the silence in the room.

"Make what an option?"

"The epidural," he put his tablet aside and looked at Kate. "If the pain gets too much to take, will you at least consider the option of pain relief?"

"Castle—"

"No. Please hear me out."

"Okay," she now put her tablet aside.

"When Meredith was in labor with Alexis, she also refused the epidural, at first. Shocking, I know, but she felt the same way that you do now with Lily. Her labor was intense. When she got to six centimeters, she gave in and got an epidural. It gave her relief, but her labor got so protracted that Alexis' heart rate started dropping. That had nothing to do with the epidural," he was quick to tell her. "But the doctor told us after Alexis was born that if she had asked for the epidural earlier, she probably could've delivered Alexis without having to have the C-section."

"My mother had an epidural. She told me this one day right before she was killed. I can't remember how the subject came up, but she told me about being in labor with me. Castle, she had an awful reaction to it. I've done research online. To me, the risks outweigh the benefits. But I promise that I will consider it. If it becomes too much to bear, I'll have an epidural."

"Thank you," he softly kissed her. "Are you ready to get some sleep?"

She lay down on her side, smiling softly at him as he turned out the lamp and settled down beside her, feeling her move closer to him. She went to sleep quickly, her last thoughts being of how much she loved this man lying beside her.

It was his absence from their bed that awoke her a few hours later. She sat up, her eyes adjusting to the dark before she got out of their bed. Checking first Lily's room and then his office, she then went through the living room, sighing when she found him coming down the stairs from Alexis' room. "Castle, we're safe. The alarm is armed. The cameras are working," she motioned to the eyes in the sky that were mounted throughout the front rooms now. She walked over and took his hand as he stepped off the last step. "Let's go back to bed."

"I still don't know how he got in without anybody seeing him."

"I don't, either. ESU didn't find any fingerprints or signs of forced entry. We're probably never going to know. Come on, Lily and I are tired. You are, too."

***CCC***

The next morning, Dr. Burke and Castle sat across from each other in silence. Burke took the quiet as an opportunity to observe the man sitting across from him. He could see the exhaustion coming off him in waves. He was very glad that Kate had convinced Rick to make the call. He decided to start things simply before moving into the heart of what he wanted to discuss with his patient. "I understand that you and Kate are having a baby girl. Congratulations," he watched Castle's face break out in a proud smile.

"Thank you. I know that Kate used Lily as an excuse to get me to call you. And that's all right," Castle smiled. "She knows that I'd do anything for my children. I'm not ready to talk about what happened that morning."

"That's understandable. Kate was telling me that your loft was completely renovated."

"I'm sure that she told you that neither of us will go into the kitchen except to get necessities. We still haven't been able to cook a meal together."

"I also reminded her that you've only been home a few days. There's time for that. How have you been sleeping?"

"I don't," he answered. "I go to bed, and I close my eyes. I don't know if I actually go to sleep. I have to make sure that the apartment is secure. I go through every room; I go upstairs to check on Alexis when she's home. I check the guest room. I make sure that the security cameras are working. Sometimes I even go out into the corridor to make sure that no one is walking around outside the apartment."

"Tell me about the new security measures."

"Alexis got the same company that did the security for the P.I. office. They put in a state of the art alarm system complete with cameras and motion sensors."

"But you don't trust the new security?"

"I trust the new security," Castle argued.

"Rick, if you trust the new security system, then why do you feel the need to get up every night to make sure that your family is safe?"

Instead of answering, Castle buried his face in his hands. Dr. Burke could hear him softly sobbing, but patiently waited him out. "I failed her," he said through his hands.

"Who? Kate?"

"Caleb Brown got into the loft a few weeks before we were shot," Castle lowered his hands. "We had the loft swept for bugs after he left, but it didn't occur to me to try to discover how he got in. I didn't ask my doormen, I didn't change our alarm system. I didn't do _anything_."

"Did you know that Caleb Brown was a threat?"

"No. We thought that he was working _with_ us. But I still didn't do anything to ensure that he wouldn't get into our home again. And Kate and I almost paid with our lives."

"Like most New Yorkers, I heard about the arrests on the news and then I read about them in the paper. Did you and Kate have any idea after you made the arrests at the CIA Building that the threat wasn't over?"

"No," Castle stared at his fingers. "Mason Wood and Rita O'Hara still aren't talking, so we don't know if either of them sent Caleb Brown to kill us."

"What is your gut telling you?"

"My gut is telling me that there was a plan in place to take one or the both of us out if something went south with their operation."

"Intuition is a powerful thing. And in my experience, I've found that intuition is rarely wrong. If something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. You haven't talked to Kate about this?"

"No. We don't talk much about what happened that morning. Kate claims that she doesn't remember what happened once she was shot. But I remember every second of it."

"Do you believe her? I'm asking you this because—"

"Because she lied to me after she was shot the first time," Castle finished the sentence. "Yeah, I believe her. She remembered shooting Caleb Brown after he shot me and she remembered him shooting her, but everything else is a blank."

"Would you like me to bring Kate in? I can guide you through talking about that morning. Rick, if you're able to talk about that morning; about what you're afraid of, I think it'll help you put some of your fears to rest."

"Can I go to the restroom first?"

"Of course. I'll go and get Kate."

Castle walked to the small washroom in Dr. Burke's office, using the facilities before washing his hands and face. He then looked at his face in the mirror, grimacing at the sight of his bloodshot eyes and haggard expression. "You should see the other guy," he muttered before drying his hands and returning to the office, where he found Kate waiting for him. "Hey," he walked over and kissed her.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm all right."

"Rick and I were talking about that morning in your apartment," Dr. Burke watched Kate glance warily at Castle. "Before we talk about the shooting itself, let's go back a little, okay? Did you have any suspicions about Caleb Brown?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "But I should have."

"Why should you have had suspicions? He supposedly gave you information to help with your investigation, didn't he?"

"When you're lying in the hospital hooked up to IV's, you have a lot of time to think. I started thinking to the night when Rick and I came home when we found him waiting for us. It didn't occur to either of us to question how he got into our home. He held out a carrot and we took it like the jackasses he thought we were."

"Kate, we thought that he was offering us the first break we'd had in months," Castle reminded her.

"He was setting us up! He was testing the security of our home to see if he could get in undetected. He set us up like lambs to the slaughter! We thought that LokSat was the threat when all along it was his stupid lackey that we should've been worried about!"

"I failed you," he repeated the words he'd said earlier in the session.

"Castle, what're you talking about? We both messed up. Like you said, we were so desperate for a break that we let our judgment get clouded. Babe," she got up and walked over to him, taking his hand in hers, "you saved us that morning. I don't remember anything after I passed out. I crawled over to you somehow, but that's the last thing that I remember. You managed to get to your phone and you called for help. If you hadn't done that, we would've died. You, me, and . . . and Lily," her voice caught on a ragged sob. "We all would've died. You're our hero."

He stood up and pulled her against him as tightly as he could, holding her while she cried against his shoulder, his tears falling on her shoulders. "When I wake up, I'll try to stay in bed with you . . . with both of you."

"Wake me up and I'll work through things with you. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Why don't the two of you make an appointment with my receptionist and we'll talk once a week for a few months. In the meantime, I'd like for the two of you to try to work your way back into your normal routine. And I believe that includes making meals together. Start simply. Toast and coffee or cereal and milk. You can work your way up from there."

"We can do that," Kate looked at Castle, who nodded assent.

When they walked into the loft, Alexis was sitting at the counter with her laptop and textbooks stacked beside her. "Hey, sweetie," Castle walked over, kissing the top of her head.

"Hi. How did your appointment go with Dr. Burke?"

"It went good," he looked at Kate, who nodded in agreement. "He thinks that we need to start easing our way back into cooking."

"I was thinking," Alexis turned to her dad and Kate. "Maybe the three of us could throw a small dinner party to thank everybody for renovating the loft while you were in Paris. We could invite Mr. Reece, the boys, Lanie, Chief Gates and her husband, along with Gram and Jim."

"Alexis, I don't think a dinner party was what Dr. Burke meant when he told us to ease back into cooking," Castle was uneasy at the idea.

"Dad, you love to cook for people and you love entertaining. I think that you can do this. I promise that I'll be here to help. I won't abandon you."

"Can we think about it and get back to you?"

"Certainly."

That night, Kate and Castle were in bed kissing and touching each other. "You feel really good," Kate reached into Castle's boxers, fondling him in her hand, instantly feeling him get harder. "I love the way that you make me feel," she moved so that she was straddling his hips, tugging her shirt over her head and throwing it behind her.

Being on top had always been her favorite position and lately her growing belly had made this the preferable position for them. "I can't believe that Alexis wants to throw a dinner party," Castle looked up at Kate, who crossed her arms, glaring at him. "What? Don't you think it's a little soon to throw a dinner party?"

"You're honestly asking me this _now_ when all I want is for you to fuck me? Your timing sucks, Castle." She moved back over to her side of the bed, crawling under the sheet.

"I'm sorry," he kissed her neck, only to have her move away from him. "You're really mad?"

"Yes, I'm really mad!" She sat up. "Castle, I'm six months pregnant, I'm hormonal and I'm _horny_ all the time! When we're not having sex, I think about sex. And instead of making love, you want to talk about how upset you are that your daughter wants to have a dinner party. We could've talked about this hours ago. We could've talked about this _with_ Alexis, _hours ago_."

"I'm not upset. You don't think it's too soon?"

"No and what's more, I don't care! How can men be some damn dense?"

She got out of bed, grabbing her robe from a nearby chair and storming from the room. Walking into the kitchen, she opened the refrigerator, peering at the contents inside. Alexis and Martha had gone shopping shortly before they had returned home, making sure that they had anything that they could want to eat. She smiled when she saw plenty of chocolate. She realized that Castle had spoken to either his mother or his daughter, letting them know the foods she had been craving with the pregnancy. "Lily, what're we hungry for? Peanut butter and chocolate syrup or do you want Nutella and celery?" She opened the crisper and saw a bunch of celery.

She grabbed the spread and the celery, closing the door to find Castle leaning against the wall. "I'm sorry," he followed her back into the living room, watching her open the jar of Nutella and digging some out with her fingers before putting it on the celery stalk. "I can get you a knife and a bowl."

"I'm good."

"Is that good?" He made a face watching her take a bite of the chocolate coated celery.

"It's better than your smorlette."

"Hey, my smorlette is a culinary masterpiece."

"So is this. Take a bite," she offered the celery to him, smiling when he took a bite.

"Not bad," he chewed and swallowed. "But I still think Nutella tastes better on toast."

"Ooh, an English muffin, Castle, make us some English muffins! Lily and I are starving!"

Thanking god that she no longer seemed upset with him, Castle immediately went to the kitchen and took the English muffins from the refrigerator. He popped four into the toaster, two for each of them, although he had a feeling that he'd be lucky to get one.

Sitting on the sofa, Kate watched Castle move about the kitchen, barely breathing while she kept her eyes on him. She knew that he wasn't even aware that he was in the kitchen, preparing something for her just like hundreds of times before. She was afraid to say anything; afraid to break the spell. After the muffins were done, he went and grabbed the milk from the fridge, pouring two glasses, placing everything on a tray and returning to the living room. He saw Kate smiling when he put the tray on the coffee table. "What?"

"Castle, do you know what you just did? You went into the kitchen and fixed something for us to eat."

He looked at her and at the kitchen before looking at her once again. "You said that you and Lily were starving."

"We are," she was about to reach into the jar of Nutella again when Castle stopped her.

"I'll get you a knife."

"Party pooper," she grinned, watching Castle return with a butter knife in his hand. "Thank you. I think that we can do a dinner for everybody, Castle. We need to thank them somehow and what better way to thank them than feeding them. This is good, Castle," she chewed and swallowed a bite of English muffin, "but it needs something."

"Please don't say anchovies," he made a face.

Kate picked up the jar of Nutella and looked at Castle with a gleam in her eyes. "We never did finish what we started earlier."

"Because you got pissed off and stormed out of the room. I was _totally_ into having sex," his eyes were huge.

"Things are going to get a little sticky, Castle," she grabbed his hand and dragged him back to their bedroom.

When Alexis came downstairs the next morning, she was surprised to find the tray on the coffee table with celery, English muffins and two nearly full glasses of milk. While she was used to her father's dishes rarely making their way to the kitchen; Kate was a neat freak. She shook her head and took the tray to the kitchen, rinsing the glasses and putting them in the dishwasher.

In the bedroom, Kate cuddled against Castle, nuzzling his neck as he slowly woke up. "We need to take a shower and we definitely need to change the sheets," he murmured. "Uh, that thing that you did last night—"

"I read about it in Penthouse Forum," she stroked her hand lazily down his body.

"I liked it."

"I know. I liked doing it."

"I owe you. I owe you big time," he rolled toward her, his lips lazy on hers. "Come on, let's take a shower. We need Alexis' help to plan this dinner party."

Alexis was in the kitchen making coffee when her dad and Kate walked out of their bedroom. She looked at Kate with a raised eyebrow when she saw her return the Nutella to the refrigerator. "I'm not even going to ask," Alexis smiled, shaking her head.

"Can you help us with planning a thank you dinner party for everybody?"

"Yeah, but are you sure that you're ready?" 

Kate looked at Castle, who nodded. "If I don't think about it, I can do it."

"Then, let's have a dinner party," Alexis smiled as the three of them came together for a group hug.

 **A/N #2: If you couldn't tell, one of my muses' had a craving for Nutella, celery, peanut butter and chocolate syrup during one of her pregnancies. And yes, anchovies.**

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	26. Celebrating Family

**A/N #1: I'm sorry it has taken so long to post a new chapter. When I get blocked, you guys all suffer.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 26: Celebrating Family**

 _Mid-October_

"How are plans going for the family dinner?" Dr. Burke asked Castle on a chilly October morning.

"I keep changing the menu every five minutes. And I keep worrying that Kate's cravings are going to get in the way. She seems to want either chocolate syrup, Nutella or anchovies on everything."

"I doubt Kate is going to ruin the dinner with her cravings," Dr. Burke couldn't help chuckling at the image. "Rick, keep the menu simple. You've just eased yourself back into cooking for your family. You're not cooking a fancy meal for the President. You're cooking a nice meal for your family and friends. The company is going to be more important than the food. Don't overcomplicate it."

"The current menu is spaghetti carbonara, which is a huge favorite with everybody. Alexis is going to make a salad and Kate is going to make the dessert."

"That sounds great."

"We'll have plenty if you'd like to join us."

"That's very kind of you, but I don't think it's a good idea. Has your sleeping improved?"

"No," he shook his head. "But, I haven't been wandering around the house. I've been keeping my laptop nearby, so when I wake up I try to write. But that hasn't worked too well, either."

"Rick, you went through a traumatic event. Everything that you and Kate are feeling right now is normal. What has your publisher said?"

"Gina has actually been . . . understanding," Castle smiled. "Black Pawn has extended my deadline and Gina told me to let her know if I need more time. I just don't have any ideas. So many of my books have bits of our lives in them. I've already shot Rook. I can't . . . I can't do a recreation of what happened that morning. Kate would never forgive me."

"No, but there are other aspects of what happened that you can put in a new book. How did you feel when Kate learned that she was pregnant?"

"I was shocked. Then I was terrified. We both were. We kept worrying that the bullet wound had done damage to the baby. From what she's told me, Kate had a parade of doctors coming in to talk to her about the pregnancy. I'm guessing that more than one of them advised her to terminate. You think that Nikki and Rook should start a family?"

"Why not?" Burke shrugged. "If you do it, I want writer's credit."

"You've got it."

***CCC***

Kate was lying on the living room sofa, tears flowing down her face. The pain was the worst it had ever been. She guessed it was due to some part of Baby Lily's anatomy pressing against her abdominal scar. Castle was at his appointment with Dr. Burke and Alexis was in class, which left Kate alone. She kept rubbing the scar and whispering to her unborn daughter. "Lily, I love you more than anything in the world. You are my sunshine, but I wish you'd please move your playground to another area of my uterus."

She heard a key in the front door and struggled to sit up, wincing when sitting up sent another dagger of pain shooting through her. "Kate, what's wrong?" Alexis entered in the alarm code before racing over to the couch. "Is it the baby?"

"The scar," Kate began sobbing again, feeling Alexis wrap her arms around her. "It hurts! It's never hurt this badly!"

"Let me get your pad. I'll also make you some tea," Alexis got up and went to the kitchen where she found the pad Kate used for her pain and popped it into the microwave to warm while she put the tea kettle on to boil. "Do you want me to text dad?"

"No, he worries enough when he has to be away from me. Please hurry, Alexis."

The microwave beeped, so Alexis removed it and brought it over to Kate. "Lay back and relax. Take some breaths," Alexis handed Kate the pad and she placed it on her abdomen, letting her breath out in a hiss. "I'll get your tea."

Alexis went back to the kitchen and made Kate a cup of tea before returning to the living room. She placed the tea on the coffee table before moving to the end of the sofa. She sat down and watched Kate, who was taking some slow breaths in and out. She watched in fascination as Kate's abdomen rippled, causing her shirt to move with the baby's movements. "Wow."

"What?" Kate's eyes were closed.

"Your shirt is moving."

"Yeah, you can see Lily move sometimes. Your dad said that would happen when I got bigger."

"How's the pain?"

"The heat isn't helping, but it hasn't been very long."

Alexis took out her cell phone and sent her dad a message, knowing that he was used to dealing with Kate's pain. **'Dad, where r u? Kate's in a lot of pain. I've given her pad, but it isn't helping. I don't know what to do.'**

' **I'm about 5 min. out. I'll be there as soon as I can.'**

' **Ok.'**

"Dad's on his way, Kate. He said he'll be here in a few minutes."

"You texted him?"

"He knows what to do. I don't," Alexis' voice was shaky.

"Alexis, you knew exactly what to do. Sometimes the heat works right away and sometimes it doesn't. Thank you for coming home when you did."

Just then the door opened and Castle walked in. "Hey, what's going on?" He came over and knelt on the floor in front of Kate, his fingers gently wiping the tears from her face. "Let me change clothes and I'll be back."

Kate struggled to sit up as Alexis helped her. "If I can't sit up now, I hate to think what it's going to be like when I'm nine months along. I'm going to go and lay down."

Kate walked into the bedroom where Castle was changing clothes. "I was going out there. I just wanted to change clothes first."

"I know," she crawled up the bed, resting against the headboard. "It's never hurt this bad, Castle. I think Lily's feet or hands are pressed against the scar."

"They probably are," he got into bed next to her. "She's moving all over the place and running out of room. She has to put her hands and feet somewhere."

"Work your magic, Castle. She listens to her daddy," she lay back against her pillow and raised her shirt up, exposing her stomach.

Castle moved so that he was level with Kate's stomach, resting his hands over the scar, gently moving them around. "Lily, you're giving your mommy all kinds of trouble today. You're not supposed to do that until you're 13," he looked at Kate, who rolled her eyes. "I know that you like tumbling around in there. It's like having your own private swimming pool. But how about if you move your limbs to the other side of mommy's body."

"Keep talking to her, Castle," Kate's words were sleepy, but her fingers were gentle on his scalp. "Tell her a story. She likes your stories. So does her mommy."

"Lily, when I first learned about you, I was shocked. And scared." Kate opened her eyes, her fingers still combing through Castle's hair, listening to the tale that he was weaving. "You are a true miracle. I can't wait to hold you for the first time. I can't wait to tell you the story of how we found out about you. Your mommy is a warrior, Lily," he glanced up at her, seeing her smile. "One day you're going to be as brave and as beautiful as she is. How is the pain?" He moved back up, slipping an arm around Kate, cradling her close to him.

"Better. Earlier, it was a 10. Now it's about a four. Four I can deal with. Now she has the hiccups," Kate giggled, taking Castle's hand and placing it on her stomach. "Do you feel it?"

"Yeah, I feel it," he smiled, feeling the ripple of Kate's stomach.

"Thank you for taking such good care of us," she murmured sleepily, curling tighter against him.

He dozed off for about 45 minutes, waking up when he heard his phone vibrating on the nightstand. He struggled to get up, only to have Kate grab his shirt. "Don't get up," she was still half-asleep.

"I have to get my phone. Go back to sleep," he kissed her temple before grabbing his phone and leaving the room. "Hello?"

"Hello, Richard. Alexis told me that Katherine wasn't feeling well. Is everything alright?"

"She's fine. The scar was causing her a lot of pain today. She's sleeping right now."

"Are we still having dinner together tomorrow night?"

"Yes Mother, dinner is still on. It's just Lily making herself known. The doctor has already told Kate that the scar would present problems when she gets bigger."

"Richard, if she needs to reschedule, we will all understand."

"Thank you, Mother. I will pass that information along."

"Then I will see you tomorrow evening."

"Who was on the phone?" Kate stumbled out of the bedroom, rubbing her eyes.

"My mother," he walked over and wrapped his arms around her, feeling her melt into him. "You're still half-asleep."

"No, I'm not. What did Martha want?"

"Alexis told her that you weren't feeling well. She was asking if we were going to postpone our dinner tomorrow night."

"We're not postponing."

"That's exactly what I told her. But," he pulled her back from his body, "if you want to wait, everybody will understand."

"Castle, I'm pregnant, not an invalid. I've been looking forward to this."

"I know. What are you going to make for a dessert? Is it going to have more chocolate than should be allowed by law?"

"It's a surprise. Where's Alexis?"

"She left a note that said she has gone to the library. She'll be back around five or six. Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"How do you and Lily feel about an omelet?"

"With bacon and sausage?"

"Fine, but no anchovies."

"Are we decided on the menu?" She sat at the counter to watch him bustle around the kitchen.

"Spaghetti Carbonara, salad and whatever you're going to make for dessert. Do you think we should add an appetizer?" He asked, chopping up bacon on a cutting board.

"Castle, they're our family, not the British Royal Family. They're not going to expect a fancy menu. And your spaghetti carbonara is always a big hit."

"Jake did a great job," he smiled, looking around the remodeled kitchen.

"Yes, he did. But he had a lot of help."

"If we have another baby and it's a boy, I'd like to name him after Jake."

"Okay, but right now, let's just concentrate on getting Lily here before we work on baby number two."

"We can do that," he gave her a huge smile.

***CCC***

When Castle woke up the next morning, Kate's side of the bed was empty. He got up and dressed before going in search of his wife. He found her in the kitchen, wearing an apron over her clothes. "You look absolutely adorable," he kissed her on the cheek. "What're you doing?"

"Prepping my dessert," she said, reaching into a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and taking out a handful. After removing the wrappers, she began cutting them in half.

Castle looked into a mixing bowl and was about to stick his finger into the contents only to have his hand slapped by Kate. "Ouch!"

"Keep your hands out, Castle!"

"Have you had breakfast?"

"I've been busy," she continued chopping the peanut butter cups in half.

"How long have you been up?"

"About an hour."

"I'll make us something to eat," he went to the refrigerator, taking out eggs and bacon. "What are you making for dessert?"

"Peanut butter lasagna."

"Is that even . . . is that even a real food?"

"I saw it on Facebook. It looked good, so I decided to try it. Don't be mean, Castle."

"Okay," he walked back over and kissed her again. "I want you to take a break soon. You shouldn't be on your feet for long periods of time."

"Castle, I feel fine," she huffed.

"I know, but you're also seven months pregnant," he reminded her.

"I'm very aware of how pregnant I am. Your daughter woke me up this morning by using my bladder for batting practice."

"Would the Yankees be impressed?" He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her melt against him.

"The Yankees, the Mets, hell, even the Red Sox would be impressed. I'll take a break between layers, okay?"

"Okay."

Later that afternoon, Kate was relaxing on the sofa with her tablet while Castle prepped his spaghetti carbonara. He kept glancing at Kate, who'd look at him from over her tablet. "I'm going to get in the shower in a little while. What time is Alexis due home?"

"She should be here in about an hour. Would you be interested in sharing a shower?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Well, I have been clumsy lately. It might not safe for me to shower alone."

"Your clumsiness is because your center of gravity has changed."

"So, I can blame Lily?"

"Exactly."

"Castle, we're not having sex in the shower."

"No, I'm just going to help you wash your back and make sure that you don't fall. But, can we maybe have sex later?" He sauntered toward her, dropping to the floor at her feet and kissing her neck.

"Castle, I look like a cow. You really find me sexy?" She put her tablet aside to look at him.

"I find you extremely sexy. You're pregnant with our child," he placed his hand on her belly, feeling Lily squirm under his fingers. "Nothing is sexier than that. Besides, I still owe you for that whole Nutella thing."

"I'll tell you what," she swung her legs over the side of the sofa, palming his face in her hands. "Once our dinner guests are gone, you can have your wicked way with me."

"Let me finish in the kitchen and we'll go take a shower."

"Okay."

***CCC***

Kate was in the bedroom standing in front of the full-length mirror. After three changes of outfits, she finally settled on a pair of cream colored pants and a matching tunic. She smoothed her hands over the front of the tunic, feeling Lily's reassuring kicks. Decided that she was happy with her clothes, she went into the bathroom to put on some makeup before their guests arrived.

Alexis and Castle were in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on their dishes. "I'll cook the pasta when our dinner guests arrive," Castle announced. "That way, we can serve dinner hot."

"The salad is done," Alexis washed and dried her hands. "I'm going to go upstairs to shower and get dressed."

"Okay, sweetie. Thank you." He watched Alexis go up the stairs before looking at the flame on the stove.

"Castle, how do I—" Kate stopped short when she saw Rick standing in front of the kitchen stove. It was clear that he didn't know that she was there. Instead, she knew that he was back in his head. Back to that May morning. She walked into the kitchen and turned off the burner. "Rick?"

Castle heard Kate as if her voice was coming from a tunnel. He turned and found her standing beside him, concern etched in her green eyes. "Hi," he smiled at her.

"Hi. Is dinner about done? Everybody is going to be arriving soon."

"I'm going to put the pasta on when everybody gets here. That way, the carbonara won't get cold."

"That's a good idea. Help me set the table. Then you can get dressed."

"You look beautiful, by the way," he smiled at her.

"I changed clothes three times," she looked down at her outfit. "Does that make me a diva?"

"No," he wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on the top of her head. "That makes you a normal pregnant woman. Come on, let's set the table."

"Did you get a couple of bottles of wine out? I know that I can't drink and neither will my dad, but I know that Lanie, Jenny and Chief Gates like wine," Kate looked at him after they'd finished setting the table.

"I have a bottle of red and a bottle of white. I also have the beer that the boys like. I don't know about Jake and his wife or the Chief's husband. I guess I should've called—"

"Rick, it's okay," Kate stepped up to him, slipping her arm around him. "Stop overthinking it. Everything is fine. Why don't you go and get the water started for the pasta? Everybody will be here soon. I can play hostess while you finish dinner."

"I need to change first."

"Then, go and change while I get the water going. Alexis and I can handle things for a little while."

When Alexis came downstairs a short time later, Kate was in the kitchen. "Where's dad?"

"He's changing clothes and freaking out."

"At the same time?"

"Quite possibly," Kate managed a smile. "It's not like we haven't had everybody over before."

"But, it is the first time that you've had everybody here since . . . since—"

"Alexis, it's all right to say it. Since we got shot."

Alexis was about to reply when the doorbell rang. "Let me get the pasta started while you answer the door," Alexis took over at the stove.

Kate walked over to the door and opened it to Ryan and Jenny. "Hi, come on in," Kate stepped aside to let them enter the apartment.

"Uh, Espo was downstairs trying to find a parking space, so he and Lanie should be up in a few minutes. I wasn't sure if you had bread, so I stopped at a bakery and got some fresh garlic bread," Ryan offered Kate the loaf of bread, still warm from the oven.

"Oh, thank you. I think Castle did forget about bread. He's changing clothes, but he should be out in a few minutes. Would you like something to drink?"

"No, we're fine. You look terrific," Ryan finally managed to relax and hugged Kate.

"I was about to say that," Jenny reached for Kate when Ryan released her.

At that moment, they heard a key in the lock. "I found all these folks in the lobby, so I brought them up," Martha announced.

By the time everybody had hugged and greeted Kate, Castle emerged from the bedroom, buttoning his cufflinks. "Kate, Mr. Castle, this is my husband, Tom. He helped your father with the kitchen cabinets," Chief Gates introduced her husband.

"You did a beautiful job. It's so nice to meet you," Kate shook the older man's hand.

"Same here. It's wonderful to put a face to the name. Victoria has told me quite a bit about you."

"Oh, really?" Kate looked at her former boss.

"I'm going to help Alexis finish dinner," Castle quickly excused himself.

"Please, everybody make yourselves comfortable."

"How are you feeling, kiddo? Alexis told me yesterday that you were having a rough go," Martha slipped an arm around Kate's shoulders.

"Lily was just in a bad spot yesterday. I'm perfect today," Kate smiled.

"So, how many more weeks?" Jenny asked.

"According to Dr. O'Malley, about 10. Speaking of babies, I thought you would bring the kids," Kate sounded disappointed.

"Kate, the one thing that you're going to learn when you're a parent of small children is this; it's nice to be with your kids, but it's also nice when you can get a few hours away on occasion," Ryan told her.

"Alexis, you must be terribly excited to finally be a big sister," Chief Gates addressed the young woman who had joined the rest of the group.

"Yeah, I am," Alexis beamed proudly.

"And at least you're old enough that you know where babies come from," Espo piped in.

"Dude, I'm not even sure that _you_ know where babies come from," Ryan teased him.

"Sarah Grace wanted to know how Nicholas got out," Jenny said.

"That was after asking how he got in there to begin with," Ryan added.

Castle smiled listening to their friends talk. He'd missed this over the few months when he and Kate had been in Paris. Listening to them finally felt like coming home. He carefully tossed the beaten egg and cheese mixture into the pasta and cooked bacon, making sure all the spaghetti was well coated. He then washed his hands and grabbed a pair of serving tongs, placing them in the bowl before taking the bowl to the dining table, placing it beside Alexis' salad. "Dinner's ready," he announced, going back to the kitchen for the two bottles of wine.

"Jake, I thought that your wife was coming with you," Kate said as they all sat at the table.

"No, ma'am. But thank you for the invitation."

"You did a wonderful job on the loft. Thank you."

"I had a lot of help."

During dinner, conversation flowed like fine wine. They talked about the Castle's trip to Paris and the renovation of the loft. The only thing that wasn't discussed was the one thing that was on everybody's mind; the case. But Castle had made it clear to all their guests; he was declaring a moratorium on the case for the evening.

After dinner, Castle made a pot of coffee and they all went into the living room. "Does everybody want to touch your stomach when you're out in public?" Jenny asked, sitting beside Kate on the sofa.

"Yes, and I hate it," Kate made a face. "I swear you'd think some people had never seen a pregnant woman before."

"Kate?" Kate turned to look at Lanie, who was sitting on her other side. "What does it feel like?"

"Do you remember those superballs that were popular when we were kids?" Kate asked as Lanie nodded. "It kind of feels like someone is bouncing one in my stomach _all_ the time. Here, feel," Kate took Lanie's hand and placed it on the place where Lily kicked the most. "She's going to be very active now because I just ate."

"Oh, my gosh!" Lanie squealed. "Does it hurt?"

"Well, when she presses against my scar, it hurts a lot. Other than that, it just feels strange."

"Are you going for a natural delivery or do you want every drug known to man?" Chief Gates asked.

"For the time being, we've decided to make an epidural an option if I decide I want it. But I want to go drug free, if I can. Castle, I don't know about anybody else, but I'm ready for dessert."

"I was always hungry too, Kate," Jenny laughed.

"Kate calls this a peanut butter lasagna, but she wouldn't let me have a sample," Castle said when he brought the dessert out and placed it on the coffee table. "Let me get some dessert plates."

"Is this anything like Martha's 'Death by Chocolate' dessert from a few years ago?" Jim Beckett asked.

"It might be. It's chocolate graham crackers, peanut butter, peanut butter cups and whipped cream. Oh, and cream cheese."

"Kate, this is fantastic! You have to give me the recipe!" Jenny smiled, taking a bite of the dessert.

Espo watched Castle standing just outside of the periphery, watching his wife and their friends. He put his beer down and got up, walking over to him. "You okay, bro?"

"Yeah. It's nice to see her looking so happy. She was in so much pain yesterday," he closed his eyes. "I came home and she was in tears. I should've been here with her."

"Bro, you're here with her now. You know what I think you need?"

"No. What?"

"We need a Halo night. You, me and Ryan. Just like old times. We need that before you get saddled down with two a.m. feedings and changing diapers."

"I'm not being 'saddled down,' 'Sito. Being a dad is the greatest thing I've ever done. And now I'm doing it with the right person."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound that way. But, what do you say about a Halo night?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Good. Now, come sit down and enjoy the party."

Jenny and Lanie both moved over to make room for Castle, who sat beside Kate. She took his hand and gave him a huge smile. "Are you okay?" She whispered in his ear.

"I'm perfect," he kissed her cheek in answer. "Jake, I can't thank you enough for what you managed to do in just a few short months."

"Well, like I said, I had a lot of help."

Kate noticed that the older man appeared uncomfortable. "Jake, I know how it feels visiting here for the first time," she smiled at him. "I remember telling Castle that I felt like Alfred visiting the Bat Cave for the first time."

"Well, it does feel different being here and not working on something."

"If it makes you feel better, I'm sure that I can find something for you to remodel," Castle offered.

"It's why my wife . . . she told me that after what happened . . . I'm sorry. Maybe I should be quiet now."

"Jake," Kate called out to him as he finally met her eyes. "I understand. That's why I couldn't come back here until it was done. You don't have anything to apologize for. Castle and I . . . we get it."

"So, do the rest of us," Chief Gates told him.

For the next couple of hours, the group sat around telling stories. It made for a relaxing evening. But Jenny was the one who noticed that Kate was trying hard to stay awake. "Kevin, we should get going. We told the sitter that we wouldn't be too late."

"You don't have to go just yet," Kate protested.

"Kate, believe me, I remember what it was like to be in your condition. You're going to need every second of sleep that you can get now because you won't be sleeping in the future."

"That's what everybody keeps telling me."

Jenny and Ryan's exit seemed to be the cue for everybody else. Castle and Kate saw each of their guests to the door, exchanging a lot of hugs. Martha and Jim were the last two to leave. "Call me, kiddo, and we'll have lunch. After all, we have a baby shower to plan," Martha hugged Kate.

"I'm going to stay with Gram tonight to give you guys some alone time," Alexis hugged her father before leaving right behind her grandmother.

"That was fun," Castle closed the door and turned toward Kate, who was looking slightly stressed. "Kate? What's wrong?"

"Castle, I don't need a baby shower. I mean, I know Martha means well, but have you looked in Lily's closet lately? She has enough clothes to last her until she starts Kindergarten."

"I know, but she wants to do something for you. And if I know her, she has already enlisted the help of the girls. My advice is to just roll with it. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, I'm going to clean up a little and then we'll go to bed."

"I'm going to change while you're cleaning up," she kissed him softly before exiting the room.

Castle walked around the loft, picking up dishes and glasses. He rinsed everything off before placing the items in the dishwasher and setting it up to run. He then turned off the lights in the front of the loft before heading for their bedroom, only to be stopped by Kate. "I remember you telling me about how you kept this particular shirt in the back of your closet."

She was wearing one of his white button downs. But not just _any_ of his white button downs. She was wearing the one that she'd put on their first morning together. Before his mother and daughter cockblocked him. After she had left that morning, he'd retrieved the shirt from his bedroom floor and had returned it to its hangar, placing it at the far end of his closet. When Kate had vanished, he'd slept with that shirt beside him. "It smelled like you," he gulped when she placed her hand on his chest and guided him back through the living room and over to the leather sofa.

He sat down, his breath leaving him when Kate straddled his lap, her arms lacing around his neck. "It's almost the only thing that still fits me. This is my favorite shirt."

"Mine, too," he finally managed to say. Their lips met while his hands traveled down to her hips, anchoring her to him. "Are you naked under this?"

"Of course, I'm naked under this," she pulled away to glare at him. "Castle, large granny panties are not sexy. I miss being sexy for you."

"Kate, you will _always_ be sexy to me. You're beautiful," he brushed her hair from her shoulders. "Being pregnant makes you even more so."

"I can't lay flat on my back anymore."

"I know," he continued stroking her hair, which had gotten longer and thicker with her pregnancy. "We haven't properly initiated the new, renovated loft."

"Are you sure we aren't going to be interrupted?"

"We aren't going to be interrupted. I promise."

"You spoke to your mother and Alexis before tonight, didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"In that case, I want to feel your fingers and your tongue _everywhere_ ," she whispered in his ear.

"I think . . . that I can manage that," his fingers moved to the buttons on the shirt that Kate was wearing. She'd already left the top three buttons undone, so he made quick work of the remaining ones. After that, Kate was able to forget everything but the way Castle was making her feel.

***CCC***

It was the ringing of his cell that woke Castle up out of a sound sleep early the next morning. "Castle," his voice was rough with sleep.

"Mr. Castle, this is Eduardo," the longtime doorman's voice came over the line. "There's a woman down here who insists on speaking to you. But I was told not to allow her into the building. Her name is—"

"Hayley Shipton," Castle's voice had a definite edge to it. He looked over at Kate, who was still asleep, his dress shirt opened, revealing her belly. He took a deep breath before deciding what to do. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

He ended the call and got out of bed to dress. "Who was on the phone?" Kate's voice was sleepy.

"Nobody important. Go back to sleep," he kissed her forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Castle's mind raced as he got on the elevator to go downstairs. He didn't know what Hayley wanted, but he knew that he couldn't allow her anywhere near Kate.

 **A/N #2: I was going to make this an M-rated chapter, but I just couldn't do it.**

 **A/N #3: Yes, there is a dessert called Chocolate Peanut Butter Lasagna. I saw it on Facebook.**

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	27. Unwelcome Visitors

**A/N #1: This chapter picks up where the previous chapter ended.**

 **A/N #2: I want to thank the reviewers who have offered me suggestions regarding Kate's upcoming delivery. I found a great article via Facebook which I will share the link to when I post Chapter 30 and 31 (Lily's birth chapters.)**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 27: Unwelcome Visitors**

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Castle snarled when he exited the elevator. "You _aren't_ supposed to be here! We have a protective order against you! Eduardo, call the police!"

"Right away."

"Rick, wait," Hayley begged. "Please just give me a chance to explain."

"A chance . . . are you fucking kidding me right now? You want a _chance_ to explain? Do you think that Caleb Brown gave me or Kate a chance to explain before he shot us?"

"Castle—"

"No," he shook his head, his face turning red with rage. "My friends get to call me that. You lost that privilege when you set us up to be shot!"

"Cas . . . Rick, that wasn't me. I was trying to protect you."

"Five days, Hayley," he began advancing toward her. "That's how long Kate was in ICU fighting for her life and the life of our unborn child. Five long, excruciatingly painful days."

"Rick, I had no idea. I swear that I was just trying to protect you. I had to make you and Kate stop looking into LokSat."

Castle heard footsteps and looked to his right to see three uniformed police officers entering the lobby followed by Ryan and Esposito. "Get her out of here!" Castle ordered. "We have a protective order in place against this woman! She isn't supposed to be within 500 feet of either me or my wife!"

"You heard the man," Espo nodded at one of the officers, who quickly led Hayley from the front lobby. "Castle, are you all right? Where's Beckett?"

"Still asleep. She probably doesn't even know that I'm gone. I should get back up to her. Thanks, guys."

"We'll go up with you to make sure Beckett's okay," Ryan said as they followed Castle into the elevator.

Upstairs, Kate awoke with a start. "Castle?" She called out.

When she didn't get a response, her heart began hammering in her chest. She got out of bed and pulled on her robe before walking out into the living room. When she still couldn't locate Castle, she picked up the phone on the counter and dialed the number of his cell. Hearing it ringing, she walked back into their bedroom and saw his cell on his nightstand. "Castle, where in the hell are you?"

She hissed when her stomach contracted painfully. "Lily, it's okay. I just can't find your daddy."

Just as she was about to call the boys in a panic, she heard a key in the door. Seconds later, Castle walked in with the boys. "What's going on? Why are the boys here? Where were you?" She ran over and felt his arms tighten around her.

"I'm okay," he consoled her. "I'm safe."

"Where were you?" She repeated, her uterus once again contracting in response.

"Hayley was downstairs."

"No," Kate shook her head in disbelief. "She's not supposed to be here."

"Beckett, it's okay. The police took her into custody. We'll make sure that she's charged with violating an order of protection," Ryan told her.

"What did she . . . ow!" Kate almost doubled over from the pain.

"Kate! What's going on?"

"It's just . . . Braxton-Hicks, Castle," Kate took some breaths. "Lily's feeling a little stressed right now and so am I."

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital," Esposito looked at his partner.

"Javi, I'm okay," Kate managed a weak smile. "Let me sit down."

Castle helped her over to the sofa and sat down beside her. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

"My heart is still pounding a mile a minute. What did she want?"

"She wanted to explain . . . she kept saying that she was just trying to protect us."

"By not telling us what we were walking into? Is she kidding?" Kate screamed at him. "Ow! Oh my god, Castle! It hurts!"

"That's it," Esposito decided. "We're taking you to the emergency room right now!"

***CCC***

The boys drove Kate and Castle to New York Presbyterian where she was shown to a trauma room immediately. While Castle waited outside, the P.A. did a quick exam of Kate. "The good news is you're not dilated. Which means you're not in labor. Did something happen that would cause you added stress today?"

"Yeah. A person that we have an order of protection against suddenly showed up at our home."

"I'm sure that you're just having a reaction to the stress and so is the baby. The heartbeat is very strong," she smiled, glancing at the monitor at Kate's side. "You do understand how important it is that you eliminate stress from your life right now?"

"My husband and I were shot in our home five months ago. Since then, my whole existence has been full of stress. I worry about him and he worries about me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. What you were experiencing were very strong Braxton-Hicks contractions. But because you were upset, it intensified the pain."

"She's really okay?" Kate looked at the monitor.

"She seems to be," the P.A. smiled. "I'll send your husband in and once you're a little calmer, you can go home."

"My blood pressure was high?"

"Just a little," the P.A. admitted. "Probably due to the stress. Relax and I'll go get your husband."

Castle was sitting in the waiting area with the boys when the P.A. walked in. "Mr. Castle?"

"Is Kate all right?" He leaped to his feet.

"The pain were Braxton-Hicks contractions. Her blood pressure was a little higher that I would like when she was brought in, but she's doing better now. I'd like for her to relax for about an hour so that I can monitor her BP. If it continues to come down, I'll release her then."

"Thank you. Can I see her?"

"Of course. Just try to keep her calm."

Kate was watching the monitor when Castle walked in. "Hey," he smiled. "I'm supposed to keep you calm for the next hour. I could go and find a deck of cards."

"Or you could just come over here and hold my hand," she reached her hand out to him. "I think Espo was afraid he was going to have to deliver our kid in the middle of our living room."

"Yeah, he totally freaked," Castle agreed, sitting down and taking her hand. "Her heart is beating really fast."

"That's a good thing. I woke up and you were gone. Then I called your cell—"

"I'm sorry," he kissed her hand. "I told you that I was leaving for a bit, but you were half asleep."

"What if she comes back, Castle?"

"Shhh," he kissed her hand again. "I'm supposed to keep you calm, remember? That means no talking about her."

"Who was working at the door?"

"Kate—"

"Who?" She repeated.

"Eduardo."

"He didn't let her come up."

"No. He called me. That's why I went downstairs. Kate, we'll talk about all of it later. For now, relax."

"Feel Lily," she took his hand and placed it on her abdomen. "At least she's calm now. Tell us a story."

"What would my girls like to hear?"

"Tell me about the first time we met," she smiled.

"I was at this boring book launch party for what was supposed to be my final book."

"What was the name of the book?" Kate asked, even though she knew every single detail of that night. She just loved hearing Rick talk about it.

"Storm Fall. I couldn't think of anything else to write. Nothing seemed to interest me. I remember complaining to Alexis that just once I wanted something new to happen in my life. That was when I heard this beautiful, sexy voice call out my name. When I turned around, there stood the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen in my life. What was even better, she was holding a badge. I was hoping that she was going to take me away in handcuffs, but that's a story for another day, dear Lily."

"You will not tell our daughter handcuff stories _ever_ ," she reached out toward his ear, only to have him pull away in laughter.

"Okay! Apples, apples!" He moved closer and kissed her. "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy, hungry, horny. Take your pick."

"Let me see if I can find you some yogurt or something. Or you can close your eyes and I'll make you something when we get home. That's where I'll also try to help you with option three."

"I am a little tired. Don't go anywhere."

"I won't. Just let me step out and tell the boys that they can go back to work. I'll call my mother to come and get us."

"'Kay, just don't take too long," she'd already closed her eyes.

Esposito was sending a text when Castle came back to the waiting room. "How is she, bro?"

"She's okay. She's going to rest for a little bit. You guys can go back to the precinct. I can call my mother to come get us or we can grab a cab."

"Not a chance," Espo looked at Ryan, who nodded in agreement. "We'll take you back home when you're ready."

"Thanks."

He returned to the room to sit with Kate, who sleepily opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Stressing out is exhausting."

"I know," he sat and once again took her hand. "The boys have offered to wait for us."

"That's good, but we should still call our families to let them know what's going on."

"I'll call them when we get home. Go back to sleep."

While she was dozing, Castle sent texts to Alexis, his mother, and Jim, apprising them of the situation and letting them know that Kate was fine. He then watched the fetal monitor that was attached to her, fascinated by his daughter's rapidly beating heart. He looked over when he heard the curtain slide back. "I have Kate's discharge papers. I've already talked to her about this, but let me reiterate that she needs to avoid stress as much as possible."

"I will," Kate opened her eyes.

"Then, sign these and you're free to go," the P.A. handed the clipboard to Kate, who scrawled her name to the bottom of the form.

"Thank you." She watched the P.A. remove the fetal monitor before reaching her hands out for Castle to help her sit up. "I need to get dressed, Castle."

"I'll be right outside."

***CCC***

When the officers booked Hayley, she placed a phone call to her contact from the DOJ. She was sitting in a holding cell when Drake Evans arrived. "What in the hell are you doing, Ms. Shipton?"

"Just get me out of here, would you?"

"We need to have a chat first. We made it very clear to you and to Mr. Singh that you were to stay away from Richard Castle and Capt. Kate Beckett."

"I just wanted to explain—"

"No," he interrupted her. "You don't need to _explain_ anything."

"I want Rick and Kate to know that I had nothing to do with either of them being shot. Neither did Vikram Singh."

"When this goes to trial, you'll have a chance to make a statement to the victims. That is when you can explain your actions. Until then, you are to stay away from Mr. Castle and Capt. Beckett. Do I make myself clear?"

"Abundantly."

"I'm serious, Hayley. If you attempt to make contact with either of them again, our deal will be null and void. That means that you will be standing trial right alongside Mason Wood and the other co-conspirators."

"Fine. Now, will you please get me out of here?"

***CCC***

When Castle opened the door of the loft, Martha, Jim and Alexis were all waiting for them. "Katherine, are you all right?" Martha rushed over and embraced her.

"I'm fine, Martha. Castle did tell you that I was okay, didn't he?"

"Yes," Jim hugged his daughter. "But he also said that you were in the emergency room. What happened?"

"It was nothing. I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions, but they were painful. The boys drove me to the ER as a precaution."

"Ryan and Esposito took you?" Alexis looked at her father. "Dad, what's going on?"

"Hayley showed up this morning. She was taken into custody, so everything's all right," he quickly assured them. "But the news upset Kate."

"Dad, what did she want? She's not supposed to be here."

"Alexis, it's okay," Kate said. "I'm sure that she won't show up again. Castle, I'm going to change clothes."

"Okay." He sat down beside his daughter once Kate had left the room. "Sweetie, I don't want you to worry about Hayley. Like I said, she was taken into custody. Eduardo stopped her from coming up here."

"The baby's okay?"

"Lily's fine," he smiled, kissing the top of her head. "Kate's blood pressure was a little high so they kept her to make sure it was going to come down. We have to keep stress away from her. Now, I'm going to check on Kate. Why don't you call in something to eat?"

"Is Chinese okay?"

"Chinese is fine. I'll be right back."

Kate was coming out of the bathroom just as Castle was walking into the bedroom. "I'm starving," she walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Alexis is calling in for Chinese food."

"Terrific. This day has been awful, Castle, and it's not even mid-afternoon yet."

"I'll tell you what," he whispered into her hair. "Later, I'll run you a warm bath and slather you with cocoa butter and Vitamin E."

"Can you add some Coltrane to the mix?"

"You've got it."

When the food arrived, Castle prepared a plate for Kate, bringing it over to her before going back to fix a plate for himself. After everyone had fixed a plate and sat down, Jim Beckett watched his daughter eat in bemused silence. Kate ate sweet and sour pork, beef and broccoli, fried rice, spring rolls, wontons and crab Rangoon. "I'd rather buy your clothes than have to feed you," he grinned as Kate fixed him with a glare. "Your mother also used to eat for two; sometimes three."

Kate placed her plate on the coffee table and stormed from the room. "I'll go—" Castle started to get up to follow her.

"No, I will," Jim got up. "I'm the one who hurt her feelings."

When he walked into the master bedroom, Kate was nowhere in sight. "Katie?" He called out, walking toward the bathroom, where he found the door closed. "Katie? I'm sorry. Please come out and talk to me."

After another minute, the door opened and Kate emerged, her eyes red-rimmed. "This hasn't been the best of days, dad," she walked over and sat on the end of the bed, Jim taking a seat beside her.

"I know."

"When I got up this morning and couldn't find Rick, I was terrified. All that kept going through my head was that morning. I was sitting here changing clothes. Castle was in the kitchen. He was going to cook me breakfast," she smiled at the memory. "But then . . . something was wrong."

"Katie, you don't have to talk about this."

"Something was wrong," she repeated. "Castle called out to me and then I heard a thud. I heard someone else talking. Caleb shot Castle. I shot him and he shot me. But it's never going to end. They'll come after us again. They'll come after Lily. We're never going to be safe."

"You're safe," Jim clasped her hand. "You have to believe that."

"For now. When I had those pains this morning, I thought that Lily was coming early. I'm not ready, dad," her eyes welled up with tears.

"Katie, I don't think you're ever ready to be a parent. Until you're forced to be. You're going to bring that gorgeous baby girl home and everything is going to fall into place. Your mother and I had never so much as changed a diaper when we had you. We thought we were going to break you and look at you now. You turned out fine."

"Martha wants to throw me a baby shower. Come with me," she got up and motioned for her father to follow her into Lily's bedroom. "We have onesies, pajamas, baby socks, bibs and look at this," she walked over and opened the closet.

Jim shook his head, chuckling, when he looked at the contents of Baby Lily's closet. There were dozens of dresses and outfits hanging inside. "She's definitely going to be the best dressed baby in SoHo, isn't she?"

"Dad, she's going to outgrow most of this stuff before she ever gets to wear it. We don't need more baby stuff."

"A baby shower is about so much more than getting items for the baby. It's about celebrating the upcoming arrival of that baby. And believe me, Katie, we all need a reason to celebrate. Martha and I particularly feel a need to celebrate. We almost lost our only children that morning."

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I'm being thoughtless and selfish—"

"And more than a little hormonal," he smiled. "My advice to you is to let Martha do this for you. She wants to feel useful and needed."

"Castle told me to just roll with it."

"That sounds like an excellent idea," he kissed her forehead. "Besides, you don't have diapers or wipes. You'll use those by the boatload. If memory serves me correctly, babies are rather messy little creatures."

"Do you hear that, Lily? Your grandpa is calling you a creature."

"But, she is going to be a beautiful creature. Just like her mommy."

"Dad, don't make me cry any more. I cry at the drop of a hat these days."

"Are you ready to go back out there? I promise no more cracks about your appetite."

"You're forgiven," she took his hand as he helped her to her feet. "My weight has actually been okay. As much as I've been eating, I'm surprised Castle hasn't had to roll me around the loft like that girl in 'Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory.' Mom ate a lot, huh?"

"Let's put it this way. When I'd call in for pizza, I'd have to order two if I had a chance of getting any dinner."

Later that night, Kate sat propped against the headboard of their bed while Castle massaged richly scented cocoa butter into her still damp skin. He smiled at the sight of Kate, her eyes closed while she listened to John Coltrane on the stereo. "Lily's calm tonight," he commented.

"She usually is after a bath. She'll start up her nightly activities at around three in the morning. I swear that she has a soccer ball in there."

"Well, at least there's only one in there. Could you imagine having two of them in there fighting for space?" He grinned only to find his wife scowling at him.

"Castle, if we have twins, the doctor is keeping one of them as partial payment for services rendered. I was looking at a YouTube video of a woman who was having quadruplets. I can't even wrap my mind around that. I'm not even as big as I'm going to get yet, and Lily bounces around like my uterus is an Olympic training gym. The thought of more than one gives me nightmares."

"Would you really hate it that much?" He moved up to sit beside her on the bed. "If it were to happen, I mean?"

"No," she gave him a soft smile. "I sit here and make nasty comments about it, but I love being pregnant. I don't like going to the bathroom 300 times a day," Castle grinned, "but the thought that we created her," she took his hand and placed it with hers on her stomach, "fills me with so much wonder and love for you. I know that I sound sappy—"

"Shut up, Beckett," his lips on hers stopped any further talking.

The ringing of Kate's cell phone woke them both early the next morning. "Oh, my god, make it stop," she reached her hand out, knocking the phone off the nightstand. "Fuck!"

"I've got it," Castle quickly exited the bed and walked over to retrieve her phone from the floor. "Hello?" He answered.

"Mr. Castle?" Chief Gates voice came over the line. "I thought that I called Capt. Beckett."

"You did. Hold on," he held the phone out to Kate. "It's Chief Gates. She wants to talk to you."

"Tell her to wait," Kate left the bed and hurried as fast as her pregnant body would allow, to the bathroom.

"Chief, can you call back in about five minutes? I have a pregnant wife with a bursting bladder—"

"I get the picture, Mr. Castle. Tell Capt. Beckett to call when she's free."

While waiting for Kate, Castle went to the kitchen to make coffee. Dr. O'Malley had told her that she could drink it in moderation, so they had agreed on two cups a day. She came out of the bathroom just as he'd prepared her coffee just the way she liked it. Kate took a sip, sighing in pleasure before returning Chief Gates' phone call. "Is there something wrong, Sir?"

"Beckett, I have tried to hold them off for as long as I could, but the DOJ is insistent on speaking to both you and Mr. Castle."

"When?"

"This afternoon."

"Today? They want to talk to us today? Sir, I was in the ER yesterday—"

"Kate, I tried to hold them off. Is everything all right with the baby?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. What time?"

"Two o'clock."

"Let me talk to my doctor first and then I'll call you back." She ended the call and looked at Castle. "The DOJ want to talk to us, Castle. And apparently, they aren't taking no for an answer."

"When?"

"This afternoon at two o'clock. I need to call Dr. O'Malley first. If he says no, then they'll have to wait."

"You talk to the doc and I'll make us some breakfast."

Kate went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, taking a few breaths before calling Dr. O'Malley's office. She placed the phone on speaker and placed it beside her on the bed. "Kate, what seems to be the problem?"

"Everything suddenly feels like it's spiraling out of control."

"I got a call from New York Pres. What happened yesterday?"

"One of the people involved in this mess showed up in our apartment building. When I found out, I got upset and started having severe Braxton-Hicks contractions. The physician's assistant also said that my blood pressure was high."

"It was, but not alarmingly so. What's going on now?"

"The Department of Justice want to talk to me and Castle this afternoon. What if I get upset again and start having pains?"

"Do you know what they're going to ask you?"

"No. I'm sure it's just information regarding the upcoming hearings. They have our statements regarding the events of that morning."

"Kate, if they just want to give you an update on the status of the investigation, I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about. I'm also sure that these guys aren't so heartless as to put unneeded stress on a woman who's 31 weeks pregnant."

"You think I'll be okay?"

"I think you're going to be fine. Keep Rick with you. Let him be your rock."

"Okay," Kate agreed. "Thank you, Dr. O'Malley."

"You're welcome, Kate. I'll see you next week. Call if you have any more questions or concerns."

When Kate walked out of the bedroom, Castle was plating eggs and bacon. "What did he say?" He placed a plate on the counter before walking around with his own plate.

"To let you be my rock," she smiled before taking a bite of her eggs.

"I almost wish that we'd stayed in Paris," he sat down, putting pepper on his eggs.

"We can't avoid the DOJ forever. It'll be okay, Rick," she placed her hand on his. "I'll make appointments to get us in to see Burke tomorrow if need be."

"We're both seeing him later in the week, so let's just see what happens. How are your eggs?"

"Perfect," she smiled at him.

Later that afternoon, they took a cab to the New York office of the Department of Justice. After signing in, they took a seat in the reception area. "Mister and Mrs. Castle," the receptionist called their names. "Mr. Evans will see you now. Please follow me."

They followed the young woman through a door and down a long hallway, stopping at a door at the far end. "Mr. Evans, the Castles' are here," the woman said after opening the door.

"Show them in. Sarah, hold my calls for the next hour or so."

"Yes, sir."

"Please come in," Mr. Evans showed them to a pair of chairs directly across from his desk. "Can I offer you anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"We're fine," Castle's voice was gruff.

"I'm Drake Evans," he shook both of their hands. "I've been the lead investigator on this case. My partner, William Isaac, will be joining us shortly. While we're waiting for him, I thought that we could take this opportunity to get to know each other since we're going to be spending a lot of time together in the upcoming months."

"Do you know when the hearings are going to start?" Kate asked.

"No, not at this time. Mason Wood, Rita O'Hara and the man known as Mr. Flynn—"

"You still don't know his name?" Castle asked.

"Unfortunately, no. His fingerprints aren't in any of our databases and he refuses to tell us anything other than that name. Anyway, as I was saying, they were all arraigned shortly after your shooting. They have been charged with kidnapping, torture, unlawful imprisonment, attempted first degree murder, and attempted first degree murder of a police officer."

"What about the murder of Senator Bracken and the fact that they were part of a drug cartel?" Kate asked.

"Mrs. Castle, right now we don't have any evidence that they were involved in either of those two things."

"Bracken was dirty," Castle hissed as Kate took his hand to try to calm him down. "He was in shit up to his eyeballs! How do you explain the fact that he was murdered immediately after I visited him in prison?"

"Right now, we can't. And with the exception of the tape that you found implicating him in the murder of Johanna Beckett and Bob Armen, there is nothing else showing that he was involved in anything. Unless the two of you know something that I don't," he gave them pointed looks.

The door opened and Evans' partner entered the room. "Sorry that I'm late," he walked over, offering his hand to Rick and Kate. "I'm Bill Isaac, co-investigator on the case."

"Richard Castle," Castle shook his hand.

"Katherine Beckett Castle," Kate shook the man's hand, as well.

"I was just bringing Mister and Mrs. Castle up to speed on the investigation."

"It's a messy situation, as I'm sure you're both aware. Of course, the CIA is denying any knowledge of the major players."

"Of course," Castle rolled his eyes.

"Hayley Shipton violated a restraining order yesterday," Kate spoke up.

"I've spoken to Ms. Shipton and you have my word that you won't be hearing from her anymore. However, she does have a great deal of remorse over what happened in your home that morning," Evans said.

"Do you know who sent Caleb Brown to try and kill us?" Kate asked.

"No. The only people talking at this point are Ms. Shipton and Mr. Singh. They deny any knowledge or involvement in your shooting."

"And you believe them?" Castle asked.

"Mr. Castle, they've both taken three polygraph tests. They have both passed all three tests. I know a polygraph isn't admissible in court, but we believe them. The next hearing is scheduled for January 15 at 10 a.m. When is your baby due?"

"Mid-December," Kate answered, her hand going to her growing baby bulge.

"Good. Do you either of you have any questions?" Evans asked.

"I have one. Could this conceivably drag on for years?" Castle asked.

"It could. With hearings and motions going back and forth, it could be a year or longer before it actually reaches a courtroom."

"Are you going to let them plead down in exchange for some of the charges being dropped?" Kate asked.

"That could happen, but we're going to do our best to see that it doesn't. The good news is, they're all locked up without any way of contacting anyone on the outside," Isaac told them.

"Are you saying that there could be more people involved in this?" Kate felt sick at the idea.

"It's possible, but at this point, it doesn't look that way. Neither Ms. Shipton or Mr. Singh knew of anybody else other than the conspirators."

"I know this has been a difficult ordeal—" Evans' started to say.

"A difficult . . . a _difficult ordeal_?" Castle was incredulous. "Are you kidding right now?"

"Rick? Rick, it's okay," Kate tried to calm him down, but he wasn't having it.

"Let me describe to you how _difficult_ our _ordeal_ has been," Castle rose to his feet, warming to his audience. "First Kate was kidnapped and had her memories basically wiped out. Then when we were on the verge of breaking this case, I was kidnapped, had truth serum pumped into me and was told that everybody that I ever cared about was going to be murdered. Then we were shot in our home."

"Mr. Castle—"

"Wait, I'm not finished. I haven't even got to the best part. I thought that my wife had died. She thought that I had died. So, while we're grieving for each other, I l figured out that it wasn't over. I figured out that someone that we thought was a murder victim was actually still alive. Alive and probably looking to finish the job that his buddy, Caleb Brown, started. When I finally got to see Kate, we learned that we were expecting a baby. So, Caleb Brown almost killed three people that morning. We couldn't return to our home because every time either of us thought about it, all we could think about was lying on our kitchen floor, waiting to die. We're having our first child together in nine weeks. A little girl. Sure, the doctor has told us that she's perfect and strong, but until I actually see her for the first time, I'm not going to believe that. That is the definition of a _difficult ordeal_ , Mr. Evans."

With those parting words, Castle got up and quickly left the room, leaving Kate still sitting in stunned silence. "I need to go," she got up and left the office.

She spotted Castle at the end of the corridor, near the bank of elevators, his hands were pressed against the wall and she could see his body heaving. He was muttering something as she approached him, but she couldn't hear what he was saying, at first. It was only when she came right up next to him that she could hear the mantra that he was repeating, over and over. "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?"

"Rick," she put her hand on his shoulder, feeling him flinch slightly at her touch. "Rick, look at me. Please? Look at me." He finally turned from the wall, looking at her with pain-filled eyes. "Rick, you didn't do anything."

"Kate, I stumbled into something during that time that I was missing. That something almost got you killed. It almost got our baby killed."

"It also almost got you killed," she remined him. "Castle, you're a victim in all of this, too. You're a victim just as surely as Lily and I are victims. I love you."

"I was about to punch that smug son of a bitch," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"I know."

"I was about to present him with a _difficult ordeal_."

"Rick," she placed a hand on his back, instantly feeling how tense he was. "Come on, babe. Let's go home."

He finally pushed himself back from the wall and allowed Kate to take his hand while they waited for the elevator. "I freaked you out?"

"More than a little," she admitted, leaning into him when they got on the elevator.

"I'm sorry."

"Castle, I hate to say this, but we're still so incredibly fucked up."

"I know. Does it ever go away?"

"No," she squeezed his hand. "But it does get better."

When they got home, Castle retired to his office while Kate went to change clothes. She rubbed her hand over her abdomen, feeling Lily's reassuring kicks in response. "Daddy's upset, sweetie. Mommy and daddy need to put in some serious work before you arrive or we'll make you a basket case before your first birthday."

Castle was sitting in front of his laptop, staring at the flashing cursor on his Word document when Kate came into the room, carrying two cups of coffee. "Hey," he smiled, taking one of the cups from her.

"Hey," she sat on the edge of his desk, warming her hands on her mug. "I was thinking that maybe we could go to the Hamptons for the weekend. We could leave after our appointments with Dr. Burke. It could be our last trip before Lily comes."

"It's cooler at the beach than it is in the city," he reminded her.

"Castle, I'm incubating a small human. My body is like a furnace all the time. It's not snowing yet, so we can still take walks on the beach. I want to go away with you for one last weekend before the two of us become three."

"Are you sure you aren't a writer," he grasped her hips, pulling himself closer to her. "Because that was poetic," his lips brushed against hers.

"That was cheesy," she argued, smiling against his lips.

"But still poetic."

It was Castle's ragged breathing that awakened Kate later that night. She opened her eyes and saw that he was fighting something or someone in his sleep. His fists were clenched and he repeatedly called out her name. She sat up and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, being careful not to startle him. "Rick? Castle? Wake up, babe. You're okay. You're safe. I'm right here. Babe?"

Castle could hear Kate, but it was the smell that was terrifying him, not allowing him to open his eyes. The thick, hot, coppery smell of blood. It surrounded him; surrounded them. He opened his eyes to find Caleb Brown standing over them, preparing to shoot them again. "No!" He jolted upright, his heart pounding in his chest; his shoulder throbbing dully.

"Rick? It's okay," he felt Kate slipping her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his bicep. "I'm here. I'm here and we're safe."

"He was standing over us. He was standing over us and he was going to shoot us again. I could smell the blood."

"It was a dream. That's all it was," she placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding against it. "I'll get you some water."

Walking to the kitchen to get Rick some water, Kate wondered if there would ever be a time when the two of them wouldn't be so damaged, so damned broken.

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	28. More Demons

**A/N #1: To the guest reviewer who commented about Kate's BP being elevated, yet she was eating MSG-laden, high sodium Chinese food. Sorry. When I think of New Yorkers ordering food in, I automatically go to Chinese food. And to the reviewer who had a problem with the time line. I apologize. That might've been my slip-up. And to Bob, I'm sorry if you found the last chapter dramatic and boring. Please keep in mind that Castle and Beckett are both still healing. Also, I don't write rainbows, unicorns, and puppies. Not my style. Never has been and never will be.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 28: More Demons**

Kate woke up slowly, her eyes adjusting to the gray light filtering into their bedroom from the French doors. She rolled over as quickly as her pregnant body would allow her, instinctively reaching out for Castle, only to find empty sheets. Instead she saw his broad back facing away from her. She sat up, sliding closer to his side of the bed. "You're up early," she scratched her nails up and down his bare back. "Are you okay?"

"It was storming. You didn't hear it?"

"No, but I was probably still worn out from last night," she teased. "Is it still raining?"

"No, but it's still nasty looking outside. We might be stuck inside."

"That's okay," she moved so that she was sitting beside him. "We can get the Scrabble board out. Or we can get in the pool. It's heated, so we can do our exercises. The weekend isn't ruined, Rick."

"I wanted to walk on the beach," he sulked.

"Castle, it's early. It might not be like this all day. If the weather clears, we can go for a walk. Or we can go tomorrow. Don't be sad. We're together and that's the important thing."

"You're right," he gave her a tight smile. "It's not like it was when we were in the hospital on separate floors having to talk via Facetime. _That_ was awful."

Now Kate understood. He'd been awakened by nightmares. Nightmares were a common occurrence for them both. Nightmares of that morning; nightmares of not seeing each other; nightmares where something awful happened to Lily. Talking to Dr. Burke helped, but it wasn't nearly enough. "I love you," she kissed his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about what you were dreaming about?"

"I wasn't—" he stopped when he saw the look on her face. The look that told him that she knew he was lying to her.

"Were you dreaming about Lily again? Castle, she's fine. If she weren't, Dr. O'Malley would've told us by now."

"I love the both of you so much," his voice was thick with emotion. "I'd do anything for you."

"I know that," she reached down for his hand. "So does Lily. Let's get dressed and go have breakfast. Even if it's still wet outside afterwards, we'll go down and walk on our favorite stretch of beach."

"I don't want you getting chilled."

"I'll be fine," she smiled. "I'll dress warmly. Come on, let's get dressed."

After breakfast, they went outside, bundled up against the fall chill. Kate's hand was tightly clasped in Castle's while they walked down the beach in front of the property. The air smelled of sea salt and rain, although it had stopped raining for the time being. "When I was going to Stanford, I went out to San Francisco Bay one weekend. The Pacific looks so different than the Atlantic does," Kate's eyes went out to the angry looking Atlantic, the waves furiously pounding the sand.

"Did you ever go and watch the surfers?"

"There aren't too many surfers off the Bay. I always wanted to see Alcatraz Island. I love the history," she leaned into Castle, feeling his arm come around her.

"We'll make plans to go to San Francisco. Maybe we can take Lily there."

"I want her to see the world, Castle."

"She'll be a world traveler who'll speak five languages like her mother."

"Do you ever wonder what she'll look like?"

"That's easy," he placed his hand on her shoulders, turning her to look at him. "She's going to look exactly like you. She's going to have your hair, your eyes, your devastating smile. The smile, of course, means that I will need to invest in a few shotguns."

"I want her to have your beautiful blue eyes."

"I know that you want that, but that's going to be very unlikely, if I remember my biology correctly. Brown is the dominant eye color. And we both have brown hair, so that's a moot point. Chances are, all our children will look exactly like you."

"And they'll all act like you," she bit back a smile.

"Is that such a bad thing?" He asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No," she pressed herself up and kissed him softly. "It's not a bad thing, at all."

It began drizzling again while they were kissing. "We should get back to the house. It's raining again."

When they returned to the house, they left their wet and sandy shoes by the front door. "I've got some emails to answer," Castle kissed her. "I won't be long."

"When you get done, we can get the Scrabble board out," she suggested.

"Sounds good."

Kate went upstairs to put on some dry socks when she passed the room across the hall from the master bedroom. It was one of the three guest rooms; this one was decorated with a queen-sized bed and a dresser. She stepped inside the bedroom and walked over to the window. The window faced the back of the property and she could see the pergola where they'd been married in the distance. Further out, she could also see the ocean. "What do you think, Lily? Would you like this bedroom? You'd be right across from me and daddy."

Kate smiled, envisioning their toddler daughter climbing into bed with them early in the morning, settling between them while her baby giggles filled the room with joy. She took a deep breath when she felt now all too familiar Braxton-Hicks contractions rippling through her body. She walked over and sat down in the wide window seat to watch the rain that was now falling steadily. She pressed her face against the cold glass, her hand softly caressing over her stomach, feeling Lily pushing either a tiny hand or foot against her. After feeling more carefully, she realized it was a foot that she was feeling.

"Hey," she turned and smiled at Castle, who was leaning against the doorway. "What're you doing in here?"

"Castle, this is Lily's room. We can keep the bed, but just move it over. That way, if she gets sick, one of us can be in here with her. We can go furniture shopping and get her baby furniture. A crib and a changing table—"

"You like this room for Lily?"

"I _love_ this room for Lily. Come and look," she motioned for him to join her at the window. "Right over there is where we got married. When she's old enough, we can tell her all about our impromptu wedding. I can tell her how your entire face lit up when you saw me coming out on my father's arm. About how nervous I was when I put your ring on your finger."

"I didn't know you were nervous."

"I almost dropped your ring," she admitted. "This room is perfect for Lily. It's close enough to our room so we'll hear her if she needs us."

"There's a store in Montauk that sells baby furniture. If you feel like it, we can go right after lunch."

"I'd like that," her face lit up.

After lunch, they braved the drizzle to drive into Montauk, stopping in front of the store that Castle had been talking about. "Do we want white or dark wood?" He asked her as they looked at the selection of cribs, dressers, and changing tables.

"We have dark wood for the furniture at the loft," she caressed the smooth wood of one of the cribs. "I think her room in the Hamptons should be similar."

"Hi, how are you folks doing today?" The salesman was in his early 30's, with the eager smile of a person who makes a living selling baby furniture. "I see that you're about to welcome a new edition. I'm Daryl. How can I help you today?"

"Well, we're looking to decorate—" Kate started to say.

"We're just looking now, Daryl. We'll find you if we have any questions," Castle's voice was curt, causing Kate to stare at him in surprise.

"Okay."

"Rick, he was just trying to help."

"He was being too helpful. Salespeople," he shook his head. "They're never around when you want them and when you don't want them around, they're driving you crazy. What do you think of this one? It converts from a crib to a toddler bed."

Kate examined every inch of the dark wood crib. It had a high back and the wood was smooth to the touch. "How do you raise and lower the front part?"

"Like this," he showed her where the lever was to lower the front railing of the crib. "When we first bring her home, we'll raise the mattress to make it easier to get her out. We don't have to worry about the railing for the first few months."

"Can I make a confession?" She looked at him, her face looking grave. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"When I first started taking care of Alexis, I barely knew which end to feed and which end to diaper. You'll get the hang of it. Amazingly fast, as a matter of fact. Do you want to look some more or do we like this one?"

"I'm serious, Castle. I didn't even babysit when I was a teenager. What if I'm awful at this? What if she grows up and hates me for fucking her up?"

"Kate, you're not going to fuck her up. You're not going to be awful at this. You're going to be great. And the parts that you're not so great at; well, I'll help you with that. Now, I'm going to go and get Daryl—"

"Ask him about Rick and Carol," she smirked, making a reference to one of their favorite TV shows.

"Very funny. I'll be right back. Do you believe me when I tell you that you're going to be great at this?"

"Yes, but only because I love you."

"I love you, too."

After deciding which pieces of furniture they wanted for Lily's room, Castle made arrangements to have it delivered the next weekend. His hope was to get Ryan and Espo to help rearrange the room so that the new furniture would fit. "Are you tired?" Castle asked when they returned to the house an hour later.

"A little," she admitted.

"I'll whip up a light snack and we'll relax on the sofa. Maybe watch some mindless TV."

"I take it that means no Walking Dead or Game of Thrones, then?" She smiled.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a Burt Reynolds movie marathon. Smokey and the Bandit; the first one, not those awful sequels. Followed by Hooper, The Longest Yard and your all-time favorite, Sharky's Machine."

"You're forgetting Boogie Nights," she couldn't help smiling. He was too damn cute.

"You get a blanket to snuggle under while I make some snacks."

Kate went upstairs, returning moments later with a fleece throw that Alexis had given her for Christmas the previous year. "Do you want me to start the first movie?"

"Go ahead and put it in. I'll be right there."

Kate put the movie into the DVD player and pressed 'Play' before going over and settling under the throw on the sofa. A minute later, Castle sat down beside her, placing a plate containing cheese, crackers and fruit between them. "Dr. O'Malley said you need calcium."

"I know. I was there, remember? Can I ask you something?" She grabbed a piece of cheese and took a bite.

"You can ask me anything. You know that."

"Was Meredith scared to death at the prospect of giving birth? At this point, I'm kind of rethinking the whole 'pushing a baby out of my vagina' thing. Lily likes it inside well enough."

"I'm sure that she does, but at some point in the not too distant future, she's going to have to come out. I don't remember Meredith saying anything about being scared. It'll be okay. I'll be right there with you, holding your hand and letting you scream at me. Can I give you a word of advice? Stop watching birthing videos on YouTube."

"Like you're not watching them, too," she scoffed.

"I'll let you in on a secret," his arm tightened around her as she glanced up at his face. "I was scared, too. Like you, I'd never taken care of a baby before. All my friends were still at the partying until dawn stage. None of them were daddies. My mother was great, believe it or not. She told me that before me, she'd never changed a diaper. Between her and the baby nurse I hired, I was able to figure it out. I learned that most of it was instinct. And what I didn't know, I learned to either figure it out or wing it."

"I've held Sarah Grace and Nicholas, but I can just hand them back to Ryan or Jenny when they start crying. It's hard to do that with your own baby. Did Meredith ever take care of Alexis?"

"Not too much. At first, she used the excuse of being in pain from the C-section. By the time that she was up and around, Alexis and I had a system in place. Besides, I got used to having Alexis to myself. I didn't like sharing her with anybody, not even her mother."

"Castle, I could never do what she did," she rested her head on his chest, feeling his fingers stroking her hair. "I promise that I will never put my career before our children."

"I was angry, at first," he admitted. "But, if you had met Meredith's mother, you'd understand. When you raise a selfish child, it goes to figure that they'll grow up to be a selfish adult. Meredith has never been able to give 100 percent of herself to Alexis. She's never going to change, so I've learned to live with it."

"I want to be an equal partner with you in this. Dirty diapers and all."

"You might change your mind when you see what can come out of one small baby into said dirty diaper," he grinned.

They watched movies until almost 11 before going upstairs to bed. Kate fell asleep right away, only to awaken to find Castle gone. "Rick?" She sat up, looking around the room.

The French doors were closed, so she knew that he hadn't ventured outside. She pulled her robe on and slowly walked downstairs toward his office. That was where she found him, staring at his opened laptop screen. "Can't sleep?" She walked up behind him and rubbed his shoulders, immediately feeling how tense he was. "You're really tight. Are you in pain?"

"A little. I didn't mean to wake you up. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might try to get some writing done."

"Do you mind if I stay down here and keep you company?" She walked over to the small sofa and stretched out against the armrest.

"Of course not. I love having you down here while I'm trying to write," he smiled.

"Do you have any new ideas?"

"Oh, I don't know," he swiveled toward her in his chair. "How do you think Nikki would feel if she were to find out she was pregnant?"

"Are the circumstances different?"

"Are you asking me if anybody is going to get shot in their kitchen? The answer is no."

"I don't know, Castle. I have a hard time envisioning Nikki and Rook with kids."

"Did you have a hard time envisioning yourself with kids?"

"Once upon a time, yes. But then I fell in love with you and I saw a completely different scenario. Every day when I wake up and I touch my belly, I get more excited."

"Except for the whole pushing her out part," he reminded her of their earlier conversation.

"Well, there is that," she agreed. "When Dr. Addison showed us that first ultrasound, it didn't seem real. Even seeing that little blip on the screen, it felt like some weird dream. But when I felt her move for the first time while we were in Paris, it occurred to me that there was actually someone else in my body. That she was real. Now when I feel her kick and trample all over my bladder, it reminds me that Lily is really there and every day puts us a step closer to meeting her and holding her for the first time. How can it seem so near and yet so far away at the same time?"

"I know that you don't see Nikki and Rook with kids, but I do," he got up and walked over to the sofa, settling in next to her. "Think of the adventures they can have with a baby."

"Not a girl, though. I don't want Lily growing up knowing that her father has named a character in one of his books after her. If Nikki and Rook are to have a baby, make it a boy."

"I can totally do that. You stay here and stay warm," he pulled the throw from the back of the sofa and slipped it over her. "I'm going to see if I can get an outline started."

"Don't stay up long," she yawned. "Our bed is lonely without you."

Within moments, Kate was once again sound asleep, but rest wouldn't come to Rick. He sat in front of his laptop, entering various ideas for outlines, but he couldn't go from that point. He kept looking over at the sofa where his wife and unborn daughter slept. He brought up Google and typed in a search for gunshot wounds in pregnant women. His search proved less than satisfactory. Instead of bringing up useful information, it brought up a link for an old 1970's cop drama. "Not exactly what I was looking for, Google," he rubbed his hands over his face, feeling bristly and old.

Common sense told him that if the bullet had affected Lily, Dr. O'Malley would've broke the news to him and Kate long ago. But his dreams told him otherwise. His dreams of late had been horrible dark things that wouldn't allow him to go back to sleep afterwards. He found himself wondering if that was the reason Kate was suddenly so apprehensive about the thought of giving birth. He wondered if she was afraid something would be wrong with their baby girl.

He knew that he needed to sleep, but the thought of more of those horrifying dreams wouldn't allow him to rest. He got up and left his office, going to the back door and looking out into the inky darkness. The rain had stopped hours before, but the night was still pitch black, not a star shining in the sky. He entered the code on the alarm panel, disarming it before unlocking the door and stepping outside. The air was chill and damp, causing a shiver to go through him. But the air smelled of rain and the sea, two of his favorite smells in the world.

His memory took him back in time to when Alexis was a little girl of six or seven. He'd just bought the house and she'd begged him to let her sleep outside under the stars. It had been late fall and he'd bought her a Barbie tent and sleeping bag. They'd roasted marshmallows in the fire pit on the patio and sang campfire songs. It had always been one of his fondest memories of growing up with his oldest daughter. _Oldest daughter_. The words seemed so foreign now. He never thought he'd ever have another child. Having this little girl with Kate was a dream come true.

"Castle?" He turned to find Kate standing behind him. "What're you doing out here? I thought you were going to wake me up and we'd go to bed."

"I'm sorry," he smiled apologetically before walking over and taking her hand. "I can't sleep."

"I can tell you about some of my most boring cases ever," she offered. "That should put both of us to sleep. What're you thinking about?"

"A lot of things. She's really all right?" He asked, looking at her pregnant belly.

"Lily? Dr. O'Malley says she's fine; she's growing like a weed. Castle, if you're having nightmares about her, you can talk to me about them. Sometimes I have nightmares about her, too." She took his hand and pressed it under her belly button. "If you feel carefully, you should feel one of her feet. This kid is going to have big feet."

"She's still facing up?"

"Yeah. Dr. O'Malley said she should turn soon. If she doesn't, he'll try to get her to turn."

"Big feet, huh?" He smiled at Beckett, who nodded. "Well, we both have big feet."

"Speak for yourself, Writer-Boy."

" _Man_ , Beckett. How many times do I have to tell you that it's Writer- _Man_? After all, I created life in you."

"Yeah, you did, you big show-off," she kissed him. "Come on. You've given me enough massages over the last several months. Now, it's your turn."

Castle followed her inside and reset the alarm before following her upstairs to their bedroom. He knew that he needed to talk to Dr. Burke about the nightmares and how to stop them. He knew that they couldn't keep living like this for the next eight or nine weeks.

 **A/N #2: The 1970's cop show that I was referencing was 'The Rookies.' Before I wrote fan fiction for 'Castle,' this was the show I wrote for. There is a Season Two episode entitled 'A Matter of Justice' in which the female character was shot in the back while out with her husband. She was unknowingly pregnant and lost their child. It's the episode the fans of the show always talk about. My Rookies stories aren't nearly as good as my Castle stories. My pen name for those stories is RkieFan1960.**

 **A/N #3: Baby Lily will make her official debut in Chapter 31.**

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 **Twitter: Caskett1960**

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	29. Talking Things Out

**A/N #1: Thank you to all the reviewers who told me about Bob, the Reviewer.**

 **A/N #2: When Kate, Castle, and Jenny refer to Dr. O'Malley as 'Dr. George,' this is not a typo. I'm just letting everybody know now.**

 **A/N #3: I apologize for taking so long to update. I had problems with Chapters 30 and 31, which included complete re-writes and since I like to stay at least two chapters ahead of what I'm posting, my readers once again suffered. Enjoy!**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 29: Talking Things Out**

 _Early November_

It was the burning, stabbing pain that woke Kate up from a sound sleep. She struggled to sit up, feeling Lily stretching inside of her. "Ow, shit," she hissed, pressing her fingers to the scar on her abdomen. "Sorry, Lily. Mommy owes you a dollar for cursing."

She took some deep breaths, taking a breath in and releasing it slowly, just as she'd learned in childbirth class and therapy. Tears filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks as the pain persisted. She looked over at Castle, who was sleeping so soundly. There was no other way out of it. She needed him to hold her and to ease her through the pain. She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. "Castle? Rick?"

Castle slowly opened his eyes and rolled onto his back, sitting up instantly when he saw his wife's tear-stained face. "Oh, sweetie," he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her settle against him as closely as her very pregnant body would allow her to. "Slow, deep breaths. In and out. Just like Dr. Burke taught you. That's it. In and out. Is the pain better or do you want the hot water bottle?"

"I just want you to keep holding me, just like this. You make me feel so safe."

"Let me move so we can be a little more comfortable," he moved back up against the headboard, helping Kate cuddle back into him. "How's Lily? Is she awake?"

"She was, but I think she's asleep again."

"Six more weeks, Beckett," he stroked his fingers over her belly. "Six more weeks and we get to meet her. We get to see our Lily."

"Well, she's _due_ in six weeks, but it could be a week or two longer before she's born. I know; I'm impatient, too," she put her fingers to his lips.

"Well, at least we have both rooms ready for her."

The weekend before, they had returned to the Hamptons, where with the help of Ryan and Espo, they had decorated Lily's bedroom. "Now there's nothing to do but wait," Kate placed her hand over Castle's, following his path as he traced their daughter.

"My mother and Alexis want to throw you a shower."

"I know."

"I know that you think we don't need any clothes, but it's not just about getting stuff for the baby. It's about celebrating. I think after everything that's happened and everything that's going to happen, I think we need to celebrate." 

"Are you talking about the hearings?"

"Yeah. Kate, we almost died. Our family and friends feel a need to celebrate life. If we get duplicate baby items, we'll donate them to the women's shelter. Okay?"

"Okay," her lips brushed against his.

"Try to go back to sleep. I'll hold you until you fall asleep."

"Okay," she cuddled into his chest, closing her eyes while she felt the rise and fall of his chest under her cheek.

Castle continued sitting against the headboard holding Kate while she slept. When the pain was this bad, this was the only comfort she could find. She was at the stage in the pregnancy where sleeping was difficult and recovering from gunshot wounds didn't help matters. Dr. O'Malley had assured her that once she delivered, the scar would heal and become much less painful. "Lily, please don't be one of those ladies who thinks it's okay to be fashionably late. Your mommy and I would really appreciate it if you arrived on time."

***CCC***

Lanie looked up from her paperwork in surprise. "Martha! Alexis! This is a nice surprise," she got up and came around her desk to hug the two redheads. "What brings you down here today?"

"Richard called me this morning and told me that Kate had another rough night," Martha gave Kate's best friend a tight smile. "That bullet wound in her abdomen has been giving her a lot of trouble. I can't think of a better reason to throw her a baby shower."

"Dad finally talked her into it. He told her that we need a reason to celebrate life. This baby . . . Lily is hope after everything that has happened this past year," Alexis continued. "We're hoping that you and Jenny would like to help us plan a baby shower."

"Girl, I thought you'd never ask," Lanie hugged her again. "Let me call Jenny and we'll make plans to meet at Remy's."

"Kate wants baby items to be donated to the women's shelter. She said that her and dad have everything that they need for Lily. But I figured that you can never have enough diapers, wipes, baby soap and blankets with a newborn," Alexis said.

"Perfect," Lanie agreed. "So, we'll put in the invitations to bring those items as gifts for Castle and Kate and anything else for the women's shelter."

"Exactly."

The four women met later that afternoon at Remy's to finalize plans for the shower. "Are we throwing the shower at the loft?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah," Alexis took a drink of her shake. "Dad thinks Kate would be more comfortable if we had it there. I was thinking the Saturday before Thanksgiving from two until six."

"That sounds good to me," Lanie made a notation on her tablet. "What about food?"

"Dad says Kate will eat pizza for every meal these days. I was thinking that we could get pizza and chicken wings. Keep it simple," Alexis suggested.

"I can make a cake," Jenny offered. "My sister made a really cute one for Nicholas' shower."

"That sounds great, darling. Thank you," Martha smiled.

***CCC***

"I see that Lily is hanging upside down today," Dr. O'Malley smiled, feeling the baby's head just above Kate's belly button.

"I know. She's been kicking me in the ribs all morning," Kate groused. "But at least I don't have to worry about her no longer being in position."

"Kate, babies move constantly. Even during labor. They are always on the move. But they always know which way is down. Most of them end up being in the right place in time to come out."

"The scar wakes me up at least three or four times a week. It hurts all the time."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I wish that there was something that I could give you to ease the pain. Like I told you previously, the pain will subside and the scar tissue will heal after you deliver."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Kate, you can ask me anything. There is no question too embarrassing."

"If I have another baby, will I have problems with the scar again? Because, if so, I'm not sure I can go through this again."

"I think if you give your body time to heal, you won't have any problems with the scar in a future pregnancy. Unless, of course, you have twins," he smirked.

"If I have twins, you're getting one of them as down payment."

"I'll keep that in mind," he chuckled. "Are you still having sex?"

"Yeah," she bit her lip. "My husband would tell you that some things never change."

"In what respect?"

"I wanted Castle all the time before I got pregnant. Now I want him even more. Does that make me a freak?"

"No, not at all. Some women enjoy sex more during pregnancy. Some women don't want it, at all. Every woman is different, just like every pregnancy is different."

"What if she is late? I mean, really late?"

"Most first babies are late. There are things that you can do to start your labor. You can do a lot of walking; you can have sex," Kate smiled at that one. "Some women claim spicy food triggers labor. But if she's two weeks late, I will induce you. One way or the other, Lily is going to come out. She's not going to take up residence forever."

"That's good to know, because it's really getting hard to breathe."

"It's going to get harder before it gets easier. How are your childbirth classes going?"

"Good. They're a lot of fun, although one of the men fainted when we were watching the video that showed a C-section. He turned white and fell over."

"I have had that happen on more than one occasion. Do you worry about Rick passing out?"

"Rick has been going to crime scenes with me for almost a decade. He's seen much more gruesome stuff than watching me give birth. When I got shot the first time, my best friend told me that he saved me from bleeding to death."

"You're the only one of my patients who can start a sentence with 'The first time I got shot.' Have you given any thought to going back to work?"

"Right now, my therapist hasn't cleared me. I do plan on going back after Lily's born. I'm just not sure when that will be."

"Take my advice and take as much time as you need. You only have your first child once."

"I'll keep that in mind."

***CCC***

"Kate woke me up again last night," Castle was sitting in Dr. Burke's office, staring at his hands.

"The pain?" Dr. Burke was well versed in the pain that both his patients suffered, mentally and physically.

"Yeah. I hate seeing her in so much pain. I feel helpless when she's hurting."

"Rick, you offer her comfort in the only way you know how. Kate knows this. If she didn't, she wouldn't wake you up. Keep being there when she needs you."

"I will be."

"What else is on your mind?"

"I convinced Kate to—"

"Rick, let's talk about _you_. What's on _your_ mind?"

"I thought that's what I was doing."

"No, you're telling me about Kate. Kate already comes to see me. She tells me what's going on in her life. I want to know what's going in with you. How is your writing coming along?" The doctor asked, hoping to steer Castle away from his wife and onto himself.

"It isn't," Castle admitted. "And my publisher is starting to get impatient."

"She doesn't understand writer's block?"

"Oh, she understands it. She's just tired of that being my excuse."

"I thought you were thinking about Nikki and Rook having a child."

"I ran it by Kate, and she's not completely on board. She didn't shoot it down, but I could tell it made her uncomfortable."

"What if you ventured away from Nikki and Rook? What if you were to write something completely different?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You've solved a lot of cases with Kate. Maybe you could write about some of your most interesting cases."

"You mean, write true crime?"

"Would it be something you'd be interested in?"

"I guess," Castle sat up in his chair. "I love reading books by Ann Rule and Dianne Fanning."

"It's something fresh."

"That's true enough. And we've worked on over 100 cases. Some of them were interesting. That's for damn sure."

"Maybe once this case gets resolved, you could write about it."

"Doc, you're a genius."

"Maybe you can call my kids and tell them that."

When Castle walked out into the cold November sunshine and hailed a cab, he found himself the most excited he'd been in a very long time. His fingers were literally itching with the urge to go home and start writing. Dr. Burke had given him a great idea. Instead of writing about the fictional world of Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook, he could write about the non-fictional world of Katherine Beckett and mystery novelist Richard Castle. He could write their love story. He could write their _real_ love story.

***CCC***

When Kate walked into the loft, she hung her coat and then she heard it. A sound that she hadn't heard in months. The sound of Rick's fingertips flying on his laptop keyboard. "You're writing?" She rushed into the room and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly on the cheek.

"Yes, I am," he swiveled around in his chair, drawing her down onto his lap. "I'm writing our love story."

"Isn't that what the Nikki Heat series is?"

"No," he shook his head. "That's the fictional version of our love story. I'm going to write about some of our craziest cases. And along the way, I'm going to tell the readers about the joy of falling in love with you. What do you think?"

"We have had some crazy cases."

"You're really okay with me writing about us? The real us?"

"I'm totally okay with it. I'm just so happy to hear you writing anything. When I walked in and heard your fingers . . . I thought I was going to cry."

"Kate, you're pregnant and hormonal. I've seen you cry over toilet paper commercials."

"Well, the bears are kind of cute."

"Speaking of pregnant and hormonal, how was your doctor's appointment?"

"Good. Today, Lily is hanging upside down like a bat," she took his hand and guided it down to her belly button. "Her head is right there and her butt," she slid his hand higher, "is right there."

"She's in the right position."

"Dr. George said she moves constantly, so while she's in the right place now, she might not be there tomorrow or even an hour from now. I asked him about the pain. Castle, I don't want Lily to be an only child, but I want to wait a year or so before we try again. That way, the scar issue can heal."

"Okay. Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Let me finish my outline and send it to Gina. Then I'll fix us an early dinner."

"I'm going to change clothes," she kissed him before getting up and leaving the room.

Castle's phone rang the moment Kate left the room. He smiled when he saw Alexis' smiling face on his phone. "Hey, pumpkin," he answered the phone.

"Hi, dad. I just left Remy's. Grams and I met with Lanie and Jenny. We're going to throw the baby shower the Saturday before Thanksgiving. We decided on pizza and chicken wings for the menu. Jenny is going to make the cake."

"That sounds great, sweetie. I'll let Kate know."

"Lanie said she was going to write on the invitations for the guests to give you diapers, wipes, baby soap and blankets. Jenny agreed that you'll need plenty of those with a newborn."

"That's true. I remember you being a puking, pooping newborn."

"Yuck, dad."

"Sorry, pumpkin. All babies are puking, pooping, crying machines. You'll discover that when you have a baby of your own."

"Dad, I thought we agreed to never talk about that. Remember? For me to have a baby, that means you have to admit that I would be having sex."

"Oh, no. It would a total immaculate conception."

"I'm glad you're in such a good mood. I have a late class, so I won't be home until after eight."

"Okay, sweetie. Be careful coming home. I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

"Was that Alexis?" Kate came back into his office from Lily's bedroom.

He smiled when he saw her. She was dressed in a pair of sweat pants and one of his superhero t-shirts, the material snug over her belly. He reached out for her, tugging her between his knees before he planted a kiss on her baby bulge. "Did I just kiss our daughter's butt?" He made a face.

"No," she bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Fortunately, she has moved again. Her feet are right over here," she rubbed her right side.

"Which means you're going to be in pain soon," he looked at her with sad eyes.

"Unless she decides to move. Maybe her daddy can work his magic on her."

"Lily," he pressed his lips to the spot where Kate had told him her head now was. "Lily Pad, I think mommy liked it better when you were pretending to be a bat. I know that it's tight in there, but can you move just a little? Follow my hand. Dr. George told us that you can see light filtering through. Watch my hand, my magnificent baby girl."

"You're laying it on pretty thick, daddy. She's not a dog. She isn't going to fetch."

"Shhh," he whispered. "I can feel her, Kate."

"Ow," Kate winced. "Lily, where are you going? Ow! Baby girl, those are my ribs!"

"She moved?"

"Her head moved down, but she's still in a bad spot. I'm going to sit down in the living room and relax. I'm sure she'll adjust herself soon."

"Alexis interrupted my writing. I'm going to finish this and send it to Gina. Give me 10 minutes and I'll make us dinner."

"Okay," she kissed him before waddling from the room.

 _Mid-November_

There were snow flurries the afternoon of the baby shower, which made Castle glad they had decided to host the shower at the loft. Martha, Alexis, Lanie and Jenny had gone all out decorating the loft with pink and white streamers along with helium balloons. The whole apartment took on a festive feel.

However, not all the occupants of the loft were feeling festive. The guest of honor was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, scowling at her naked reflection in the glass. Kate had just entered her 36th week of pregnancy and she felt like a cow. In her opinion, she looked like one, too. She could hear Alexis and Martha chattering like magpies in the other room. Castle was out picking up last minute items for the shower. Lanie and Jenny were expected to arrive at any time to help the other two ladies with the preparations.

Now that she was entering the homestretch, nothing was comfortable. Heartburn was a frequent issue, as was chronic fatigue and clumsiness. She couldn't sleep more than a couple or three hours at a time. Most of the time it felt like Lily was squashed against her lungs, making deep breaths a thing of the past. Lily didn't kick as much; Dr. O'Malley had explained that she had simply run out of room. However, she spent a lot of time stretching and when she did kick, they packed a wallop.

Kate knew that she needed to get dressed, but she just wasn't in the mood for a party. Right now, she just wanted to curl up with a good book or work on her pregnancy plan. She heard the doorbell ring, followed moments later by more chattering. She pulled a large towel around her torso and waddled out to the bedroom closet, walking inside and perusing her selection of clothes.

Back in the front of the loft, the four women were finishing up with the last of the food. "Where's your dad and Kate?" Jenny asked.

"Dad went to get the pizza and wings. Kate is in the bedroom getting dressed," Alexis explained, mixing a bowl of punch. "She's been in there a long time, though."

"Do you mind if I go see if she's okay?" Jenny got up from her bar stool.

"No, go ahead," Alexis nodded toward the bedroom.

Kate was still standing in the middle of the closet, pulling hangars aside, getting more frustrated by the second. "Kate?" She heard Jenny's voice. "Kate? Are you okay?"

"Jenny, hi," Kate popped her head out of the closet. "I'll be out in a minute. I'm just trying to find something to wear."

"Maybe I can help. I remember those days of not being able to find anything to wear." Before Kate could protest, Jenny walked into the closet, standing beside her. "The most important thing is being comfortable."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything. What's on your mind?"

"You had Sarah-Grace in early January. Did your body feel like you were in a sauna?"

"All the time," Jenny smiled. "I made Kevin turn on the AC on Christmas Eve."

"I can't sleep," Kate raked her fingers through her hair. "I can't laugh because if I do, I pee all over myself. If I eat anything after six o'clock—"

"Heartburn," Jenny said as Kate nodded. "Girl, I completely understand. Let's find you something to wear so that you're comfortable and then I'll French braid your hair."

After some careful selecting, Jenny finally found some clothes that Kate agreed on. After helping her dress, Kate sat in front of the dresser while Jenny expertly French braided her hair. "Kevin's bringing the babies," she smiled, watching Kate's face visibly brighten.

"You had Sarah-Grace without an epidural. Was it awful?"

"No," Jenny shook her head. "Lanie was there with me and she was wonderful. I was so worried about Kevin, but she kept me focused on delivering Sarah safely. I didn't want to have her until I knew Kevin was safe, but Lanie told me that she wasn't going to wait. She was coming whether Kevin was with me or not. You should ask her to be with you when you have Lily. It was different when I had Nicholas. Give me the back of an ambulance and Lanie any day of the week."

"Are you talking about the emergency C-section?"

"No. I'm talking about everything that happened _before_. I think when I showed up at that warehouse fire, I was almost ready to deliver. I went to the hospital too early when I went into labor with Nicky. I wanted to walk, but they didn't want me walking around. They were worried that I was going to disturb other patients. I was a woman in labor, not someone with a contagious disease. I sent my sister to get me a strawberry shake. 'Oh no, you can't have that. What if you have to have surgery.' Kate, they will try to take away every ounce of control from you. Research and know your rights. Don't let them do to you what they did to me."

Kate felt sick listening to what Jenny was telling her. She hadn't realized that having a baby could be so complicated. "Did you ever get your shake?"

"Yes, I did. And I did have to have surgery, but I had no complications because of the shake. I'm not scaring you, am I?"

"Yeah, you are freaking me out a little," Kate admitted.

"I'm sorry," Jenny apologized. "Who's your OB?"

"George O'Malley at New York Pres."

"Oh, Dr. George is the best! He was supposed to have delivered Sarah-Grace. And he was on vacation when I had Nicky. Your hair looks great," Jenny stood back to admire the results. "I can't wait until Sarah-Grace's hair is long enough to things with it. Kate, you're going to love having a little girl."

"I can't wait. Especially on the nights when I have to get out of bed five times a night to pee."

"Or when you drop something on the floor and have to leave it there if your husband isn't home to retrieve the item for you."

"How do pregnant single women survive late pregnancy?" Kate asked.

"They must have stuff laying all over their floors," Jenny commiserated with her. "Come on, you have a party to get to."

Kate and Jenny walked out of the bedroom into the living room at the same moment that Castle walked in with the pizza and wings. "Espo is right behind me. Wow," he looked at Kate, "you look beautiful."

"Thank you." She walked over and kissed him, feeling the outside chill on his lips. "Is it still snowing?"

"Not at the moment. But it's going to snow more later."

The party was in full swing an hour later. All their friends from the precinct were in attendance as well as family. Kate's dad had brought her Aunt Theresa and Cousin Sophia. "How's the apartment?" Kate hugged her cousin.

"Terrific. I love it! Thank you so much for subletting it to me."

"You're welcome. Thank you for coming today."

"Can I?" Sophia looked at Kate and then at her belly.

"Yeah," Kate took Sophia's hand and placed it on her belly. "That's one of her feet that you're feeling right now."

"Wow, that is so amazing. I hope that you'll let me babysit sometime."

"Oh, absolutely. With all the family, Castle and I aren't going to be lacking for babysitters."

Kevin had brought Sarah-Grace, who was almost three and her eight-month-old brother, Nicholas, or Nicky, as Jenny called him. "Here, Beckett," Kevin thrust the baby at her. "You might as well get some practice in."

"I have no lap," Kate complained, adjusting the baby on her thigh. Nicholas gave her a two-toothed grin.

"I didn't either when Sarah would climb in my lap when I was pregnant with him," Jenny told her. "You learn to place them so that you're both comfortable."

"Auntie Katie, are you having a baby?" Sarah-Grace smiled.

"Yes, I am. I'm having a little girl. Her name is Lily."

"How did her get in there?" Sarah pointed at Kate's belly.

"Sarah, we don't ask that, remember?" Kevin gently guided the toddler away from Kate and over to the snacks. "I'll fix her something to eat."

"Those are the type of questions that you have to look forward to in your future," Jenny nodded wisely.

Kate had begged out of the baby shower games, so the girls had reluctantly gone along with her. Castle brought her a plate with pizza, chicken wings, and ranch dressing before sitting down next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungry, Castle," she began digging into her food.

"Castle, word of advice," Jenny looked at him over her own plate. "Never get between a pregnant woman and a meal."

"I'm learning that."

"Since we're all seated, I want to say something," Lanie stood up. "Kate, I know that you were reluctant to have this shower. But this baby has been the one good thing to come out of what could've been a horrible tragedy. We want you to know that we have supplied you with enough diapers and wipes to last until it comes time to potty train Lily. But, we did get you one gift that we all agree fits this baby perfectly." She walked over and handed Kate a gift-wrapped box. "This is from all of us."

"Thank you," Kate carefully unwrapped the box and removed the lid, taking out a small onesie that said 'My Mommy and Daddy are Superheroes.' "Oh, I love this!"

"That's great, guys," Castle agreed, smiling at the group.

"Kate, Rick, that onesie says it all," Ryan spoke up. "You guys are superheroes."

"Thank you, Kevin," Kate hugged him. "I don't know about anybody else, but I'm ready for cake."

"Me, too!" Sarah-Grace shouted.

"She's wanted a piece of cake since this morning," Jenny said. "Come on, Kate. You're the guest of honor. It's up to you to cut the cake."

"Help me up, Castle," Kate held her hands out to her husband as he carefully pulled her up from the sofa.

The cake was gorgeous, even if Kate thought that it was a little _too_ pink. It was decorated with lily pads and butterflies with 'Welcome, Baby Lily' in white lettering. "Jenny, this cake is almost too pretty to cut," Kate held the knife carefully over the center of the cake.

"I hungry, Aunt Kate!" Sarah-Grace protested.

"Sarah-Grace, behave," Ryan shushed her.

"It's okay," Kate smiled. "I'm hungry, too."

After they ate cake, everybody sat around, taking wagers on how big Lily was going to be. Lanie came up to where Kate was sitting, examining her with her keen medical examiners' eye. "Come on, Lanie!" Espo complained. "You're not conducting an autopsy! How big is Lily going to be?"

"Seven pounds, 11 ounces and 21 inches long," Lanie sat down between Espo and Jim Beckett.

"That's a big baby," Jim said.

"Not really," Lanie disagreed. "That's actually about average."

"Says the woman who isn't having to push a seven-and-a-half-pound baby out of her body," Kate shuddered.

"Katie, if your mother can do it, so can you," her father patted her shoulder. "Katie was seven pounds, eight ounces and her mother swore that she was going to perform my vasectomy herself."

"Excuse me," Kate struggled to get up as Castle helped her. "I'll be right back. Lanie, can I show you something?"

"Sure," Lanie got up and followed Kate to the bedroom.

"Just wait here for me. I really have to pee," Kate made her way to the ensuite and shut the door. She came out a few minutes later and sat beside Lanie on the end of the bed. "Jenny was telling me how great you were when she had Sarah-Grace—"

"I was glad that I was able to help." 

"Lanie, I haven't talked to Castle about this yet, but I'd love to have you with me when I have Lily. I don't want drugs and I have a feeling that they're going to make me because of the scar. Castle won't want me in pain. But I know that you'll make sure my wishes are respected."

"Kate—"

"Lanie, I don't want them to take away my rights. I have the right to have my baby the way that I want to have her."

"Of course you do, sweetie. Talk to Castle. If he's okay with it, then I'll be with you."

"He'd better be okay with it, because you're going to be Lily's godmother."

"Are you sure?"

"Castle and I have been talking about it. It was between you and Alexis. And Alexis said she just wants to be the big sister. So, that leaves you. Will you do it?"

"Will I? Girl, you don't have to ask me twice!" Lanie hugged Kate, laughing when she felt Lily kick. "I think Lily approves."

Later that night, Castle and Kate was lying facing each other in their bed. "I talked to Lanie about being Lily's godmother. She's on board. Who are we going to ask to be her godfather? Ryan or Esposito?"

"Why not both?"

"You want our daughter to have two godfathers? Do you have any idea how spoiled she's going to be with all of them being godparents?"

"She might be spoiled, but she's going to be a great kid, Beckett."

"Castle, I also asked Lanie to be with me when I have Lily. I want you there, but I want Lanie there, too. Are you okay with that?"

"I'm okay with whatever you want to do. You're the one who's going to be doing all the work. I'm just going to be standing there, coaching, or annoying you."

"Castle, you annoy me all the time," she moved closer, feeling his arms come around her. "I really need you there. But I need to do this drug free and I know if you think I'm in too much pain, you'll talk me into getting an epidural."

"Is that really so awful? Kate, that scar—"

"Castle, I'm well aware of that scar. I've been living with it for seven months. I'm going to talk to Dr. George when I see him next week."

"You do realize that Lanie's going to be seeing your lady parts?"

"So are you."

"But I've seen your lady parts."

"Not when a baby has come out of them."

"True. Are you getting scared?"

"A little," she admitted. "Are you?"

"I'm more excited than scared. When Meredith went into labor with Alexis, I was terrified. I was just a scared kid who had to grow up in a hurry."

"Well, we're still waiting for that to happen," she teased, kissing him softly.

"When the time comes for this little lady to come out, you can have anybody in there with you that you want. And I will do or say whatever you want. I just want everything to go all right."

"If she arrives on time, we have 21 more days. Three weeks, Castle. Three more weeks and then there's going to be three of us."

"We're going to have so much fun," he grinned, kissing her as she giggled against his lips.

"I'm so excited, Castle. Twenty-one more days."

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	30. The Final Countdown

**A/N #1: I don't have any children of my own. I know how babies are born, of course, but I never realized how much control is taken away from laboring women. My cousin had this article posted on Facebook and I'm going to use a lot of information from it for this chapter and the next one. Here is the link: www dot babygaga dot com backslash 15-things-the-hospital-is-never-allowed-to-forbid-you-to-do backslash.**

 **A/N #2: Baby Lily is preparing to make her big debut. And two people from Rick and Kate's past are going to make appearances in this chapter.**

 **A/N #3: I'm going to use the same format in this chapter and the next that I used in Chapter 16 with a timeline of events.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 30: The Final Countdown**

 _December 15, 5:17 a.m._

It was still dark in the bedroom when Castle woke up. His cell phone read 5:17 a.m. He rolled over and smiled at the sight of Kate soundly sleeping. The bed sheet had slipped, revealing her body, swollen with their daughter. Her due date was officially in three days and Castle couldn't wait. He couldn't wait to see their daughter emerge, wet and slippery, from Kate's body. He couldn't wait to cut the cord and to hold their daughter when she was mere minutes old; all the things that he'd missed when Alexis was born.

Today was Kate's final OB appointment before Lily's birth and Castle had an appointment with Gina and Paula; an appointment that he didn't want to go to. He wanted to be there for Kate. He'd missed the last appointment and he had no intention of missing this one. Gina and Paula were going to have to wait.

It was the light scratching on her abdomen that woke Kate up. That and the whispering against her stomach. "Castle, my belly button isn't an intercom," she whispered, reaching down for his ears before tugging him upwards. "What're you telling our daughter?"

"I'm just wishing her a good morning," he kissed her. "I'm going to postpone my appointment with Gina and Paula. I'll ask Gina to move it to this afternoon. I want to go to your appointment with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. I told you that I was going to be there for every appointment and I haven't been doing that."

"How did I ever get lucky enough to fall in love with you?" She kissed him again, taking his hand and pressing it to her side. "I think Lily's trying to break out."

"Well, it is probably cramped in there. And lonely. Just think, Beckett," he continued stroking the small foot that was protruding from Kate's side, "soon, there's going to be three of us."

While Castle was in the shower a little later, Kate went to make breakfast. She stood in the kitchen, grinning broadly at the heavily decorated living room. The 15-foot Christmas tree was in the middle of the loft, between the living room and dining room. Castle's train set took center stage in the living room. Every inch of the loft had been decorated for the holiday. "What're you grinning about?" Castle stepped into the kitchen, kissing Kate on the cheek.

"I was thinking about next Christmas," she turned to him. "Next Christmas, we're going to have a baby running around."

"Running around is probably the right word for it. She'll be around a year old, so I'm sure she'll be toddling around. Alexis was a newborn for her first Christmas, but her second Christmas," he shook his head at the memory, "she was 14 months old and we had to be with her every single second or she'd try to dismantle the tree or ride the train."

"It's hard to believe that last Christmas I didn't remember being married to you."

"Yeah, that was rough."

"But I remember you now," she kissed him. "And I love you very much."

"I love you, too. I'll help you with breakfast."

"I've got a better idea. Why don't you go upstairs and see if Alexis is awake? We'll have breakfast together."

"Okay."

Castle walked up the stairs to Alexis' room. "Sweetie, are you awake?" He asked, tapping on the door a few times.

Alexis answered the door, her cell phone pressed to her ear. "Morning, dad. I'm on the phone, but I'll be down in a few minutes."

"You're on the phone at," he glanced at his watch, "six forty-five in the morning?"

"It's mom," she mouthed.

"O-kay," he turned and went back downstairs to help Kate in the kitchen. "Alexis is on the phone with Meredith. She'll be down soon."

"She's calling early," Kate took a carton of eggs from the refrigerator.

"I know. That's never a good thing. When Meredith calls before sunrise, it's because she's trying to manipulate Alexis into something."

"Come on, Rick. Try to cut her some slack."

"I'll try, but I'm telling you that she's up to something. Mark my words." He looked over to the stairs, smiling at Alexis, who was coming down. "Morning, pumpkin. How's your mom?"

"Mom wants me to go to Switzerland with her over Christmas," Alexis sat down at the counter and put her head in her hands in exasperation.

"Switzerland sounds great," Kate looked at Castle, not sure of what else to say.

"Switzerland _is_ great, but she wants to leave in three days. If I go, I miss Lily's birth."

"Not if Lily comes tomorrow or the day after," Castle said.

"But what if she doesn't?" Alexis whined. "I want to be here when my baby sister is born."

"I know, sweetie," he came around and sat beside her, slipping his arm around her shoulders. "But, your mother wants to spend time with you. If you want to go, Kate and I aren't going to be upset with you."

"Dad, mom has known for months how much being here when Lily is born means to me. If she wanted to go to Switzerland, why didn't she suggest it months ago? We could've gone over the summer while you and Kate were in Paris. She's being typical mom and thinking of nobody but herself."

"I know, but you're an adult now, Alexis. If you don't want to go, you're the one who needs to tell her. Maybe you can ask her to postpone the trip until after the baby is born. When does she need an answer?"

"Later today."

"Kate has a doctor's appointment later this morning. She should know more after she talks to him."

Alexis looked over the counter at Kate, who was standing at the stove with tears slowly trickling down her face. "Kate? Are you okay?" Alexis got up and walked into the kitchen. "Kate, if you don't want me to go to Switzerland, I'll tell my mom no."

"No," Kate shook her head. "It's hormones, Alexis. I'm not going to deny that I'd love for you to be there for Lily's birth, but I know how important it is for you to spend time with your mom. Listen to your gut," she smiled. "That's what my mom always told me. She told me that your gut will never steer you wrong."

"Right now, my gut is telling me that I want to be here. I'm only going to have my first baby sister once. I don't want to miss that."

"Then, that's what you need to tell your mother," Castle said.

"I'll tell mom that we can go to Switzerland after Christmas. Lily should be here by then."

"Now that that's settled, let's have some breakfast," Kate turned on the stove.

 _9: 30 a.m._

Castle glanced over at Kate while they were sitting at a red light on the way to her appointment with Dr. O'Malley. She was scrolling through her tablet, a scowl on her face. "Please tell me you're not watching more birthing videos on YouTube."

"No. I'm going over my birth plan."

"Then, why the intense face?"

"Because, I want to make sure I'm not going to get sabotaged. Jenny told me to fight for my birth plan."

"I'll make sure that your birth plan doesn't get sabotaged," he reached over and took her hand. "You made a comment a while ago about having the perfect birth in case you didn't get to do this again. Do you want to stop at one baby?"

"No . . . I mean, I'd like to have at least one more child. But, Castle, we need to be realistic here. I'm almost 40 years old. If we do have another child, we need to do it soon. But I don't want them to be too close together in age. Neither of us is young enough to chase after two toddlers. Did you and Meredith ever talk about having other kids after Alexis was born?" 

"No," he shook his head as he once again began moving through traffic. "She wasn't pleased when she found out she was pregnant with Alexis. She hated being pregnant. Every second of it was an ordeal to her and I had to hear about it constantly."

Kate pressed her hand to her abdomen, smiling at the feeling of Lily stretching out against her hand, something that she had been doing a lot lately. She loved being pregnant; loved the life that grew a little every day. She couldn't wait until she could hold her daughter in her arms for the first time. "Castle, I love being pregnant. And I know that I definitely want to do this again," her smile was bright and happy, the smile that he loved so much.

"Just a warning; you might change your mind after hours in labor."

Castle parked the car in front of the medical building, accepting a valet ticket in exchange for giving the valet his keys. He then took Kate's hand as they walked to the elevator. "You're going to go in there and give Dr. George hell, aren't you?" He looked at her as the elevator slowly climbed to the eighth floor.

"No. I just want to make sure my wishes are respected. I'll be respectful. Firm, but respectful."

"No, you're not. You're going to have a pregnant woman hysterical meltdown."

"Is that even a thing?" She made a face.

"Oh, yeah. It's a thing."

"Will you still love me if I have a pregnant woman hysterical meltdown?"

"Oh, yeah," he grinned down at her.

After signing in with the receptionist, Kate and Castle took seats in the waiting room. She picked up a baby magazine and slowly began leafing through it. "How do these women go through labor and not have their makeup come off?"

"Maybe it's waterproof or sweat-proof," Castle suggested.

"Kate Castle," the nurse called out.

"Come on, Castle," Kate motioned for him to follow her.

"Dr. O'Malley will be right with you," the nurse smiled before closing the door behind her.

Kate perched on the edge of the examination table, smiling as Castle walked around the room, picking up various objects around the room. "You just can't stop touching things, can you?"

"Well, look how well my touching things worked out with you," he smirked.

Kate just smiled, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at her husband. "Will you please sit down and leave things alone?"

"Good morning, Kate," Dr. O'Malley opened the door and stepped inside, smiling when he saw Castle. "Rick, I'm glad you could join us today. My nurse will be here in a minute, so we can chat until she gets here. You're in the home stretch," he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Anxious, scared, a million different things all at once. I have some concerns," Kate opened up her tablet. "If I go into labor at three in the morning and you have a dinner party later that evening . . . are you going to start me on Pitocin to get me to deliver faster?"

"Kate, I'm not going to do anything that you don't want me to. The only thing that will make me intervene in your birth plan is if you or the baby go into distress. Otherwise, this is your ball game. You're the coach and the quarterback. Rick and I are your home team cheering section."

"Can I bring my own music with me?"

"Kate, if you want the USC Trojan Marching Band in there with you, I will make room for them."

"I don't want to go _that_ far. But, Lily seems to like Neil Diamond. Rick made me an MP3 mix for when I go into labor. Can I bring my exercise ball?"

"If you want, but I'm sure we can find one for you on the L&D ward. You can bring snacks, anything from home that makes you comfortable."

"When do I leave for the hospital?"

"You can remain at home until your contractions are five minutes apart or your water breaks; whichever occurs first. You don't even need to call me until you leave for the hospital."

"I don't want any monitors or IV's."

"I promise you that I won't do anything that you don't want me to do. But, remember that you're also entitled to change your mind. You might decide that you want pain relief."

"No," Kate shook her head. "That's what I have Lanie for."

"Lanie?" Dr. O'Malley looked at Castle.

"Lanie is Kate's best friend. She's going to be with us to make sure that Kate doesn't ask for an epidural," Castle explained.

"Well, Lily is due in three days. If you don't go into labor by then, don't worry. Most first babies are late. If you don't go into labor before next week, I'll see you next Monday. Call me if you have any questions."

"I will."

Kate and Castle were quiet on the drive back to the loft. "My meeting shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. Do you need me to bring anything home?" Castle asked after he'd pulled up in front of the building.

"Not that I can think of. Text me when you get there and when you leave," Kate looked at him.

"I will," he leaned over, kissing her softly. "Be careful going inside."

"We're fine," she smiled against his lips, the grin going wider when he kissed her again. "You'd better go. You know how Gina gets when you're late."

"'Kay. I'll see you soon."

Kate got out of the car, watching Castle ease his way back into traffic. She waved before turning to go inside. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Castle. I see the little one isn't going to be too much longer," the doorman smiled as he opened the door for her.

"No, not too much."

Kate took the elevator upstairs, removing her keys before it reached the top floor. She walked over and was about to insert her key into the lock when the keys slipped from her hand, falling to the floor. "Damn it!" She cursed. "Sorry, Lily. Mommy owes you a dollar when she gets inside. Let's see if Alexis is home," she removed her cell from her purse and brought Alexis' name up, pressing the 'call' button. She sighed when she got her voicemail instead. She then hit Castle's name. "Hey, babe. I dropped my keys. Can you come home and let me into the loft?"

"Kate, I'm stuck in traffic," she heard Castle's voice over the speaker. "Go downstairs and see if the doorman can let you in."

"Okay. I'll see you soon."

Kate stared down at the keys that were laying on the floor in front of the door. She hated walking off and leaving them where anybody could pick them up, but she found herself with the sudden urge to pee. "There's no two ways about it, Lily. It's either wet my pants or go find someone to let us in. Let's go, kiddo," she walked to the elevator and pressed the 'down' button. She was shocked when the doors slid open, revealing the other redhead in Castle's life. "Meredith," Kate drawled when Castle's first ex-wife stepped out of the elevator.

"Kate," Meredith drawled back. "Look at you. I came to see Richard and Alexis. Are they home? Or, were you going to meet them somewhere?"

"No, to both questions. Castle had a meeting at Black Pawn. I'm not sure where Alexis is. I was going to find someone to let me into the loft. I dropped my keys and I really need to go to the bathroom." 

"Then, it's fortunate that I showed up when I did, isn't it?" Meredith breezed past Kate to the door of the loft. "I remember those days of dropping things and being unable to pick them up."

Meredith retrieved the keys and handed them to Kate, who quickly unlocked the door and made a dash for the bathroom. "I didn't know you had the place remodeled," she called out, looking around at the newly renovated loft.

"Alexis didn't tell you?" Kate came out of the bathroom and went to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"No. She told me that you and Rick had gone to Paris after the tragedy. Kate, I'm so thankful that the two of you are all right. That must've been such a horrible thing to live through. The two of you are okay?"

"For the most part," Kate walked over and sat down on the sofa, slowly sipping from her bottle of water. "I tried to call Alexis, but the call went to voicemail. I'll text her to let her know you're here."

Kate sent messages to both Alexis and Castle, letting them know that they had an unexpected visitor. "When are you due?" Meredith sat down.

"In three days."

"So, Rick's having another little girl. He loves being a father. It's the one thing that he truly excels at."

"Alexis was telling us that you're planning a trip to Switzerland over Christmas. That sounds wonderful."

"Well, it would be wonderful if I could convince Alexis to come with me. She wants to be here when you have Lily. I told her that I don't understand why. It's not like she's the one giving birth. All that she can do is be there and hold your hand. I told her that's what you have her father for."

"Alexis has wanted a younger sibling for a very long time. This is a big deal to her."

"I realize that. She was always asking me to have a baby when she was younger. My god, it was hard enough caring for her. I couldn't imagine doing that a second time."

Kate normally got along very well with Meredith. The two of them often had a good time, usually at Castle's expense. But to sit and listen to her talking about how she had 'cared' for her daughter was almost more than she could take. "Meredith, I'm really very tired. Rick is going to be a couple of hours and I'm not sure how long Alexis is going to be. I've texted them to let them know that you're here. I'm sure that one or the other will call or text you when they're on their way home."

"Or, I could just wait."

Kate couldn't believe how clueless this woman was. "Fine. But, I'm going to lay down."

Kate retired to the bedroom, where she changed clothes and stretched out on the bed, cellphone in hand. She sent a quick text to Castle. **'Meredith refuses to leave. I can't deal with her theatrics right now. I went to lay down. She decided to wait for you or Alexis.'**

***CCC***

Sitting in a chair in Gina's office, Castle felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. "Gina, I need to take this. It might be Kate," Castle removed the phone and read the text message, frowning as he read.

"Is everything all right, Richard?"

"No. Meredith is at the loft," he stood up, tucking his phone back into his pocket. "Gina, I need to get home."

"Of course. Maybe we can have a video conference later," Gina offered.

"That would be great. How about around 7:30 tonight?"

"That sounds good. Go home and take care of Kate."

Castle grabbed his coat and left the office, taking his phone out to send a quick text to Kate. **'Stay where you are. The cavalry is on the way.'**

Meredith was walking around the loft, examining every nook and cranny when she heard a key in the lock. "Richard, you're early. Kate said that you'd be a couple of hours."

"That was before she texted me to let me know that you were here and refusing to leave. Why didn't you let me know that you'd be coming by?" Castle removed his coat and hung it in the closet. "I called Alexis. She should be here soon. Then, the three of us can talk."

"I wasn't sure that I'd be stopping by. Alexis and I were planning to have dinner tomorrow, but I was shopping and in the area, so I decided to come by. It's a good thing that I did or Kate would've been stranded."

"I'm sure Kate would've found a way to get her keys from the floor. She's not helpless."

At that moment, the door opened and Alexis came in. "Mom, I thought we were having dinner tomorrow."

"Oh, we still are. Did you tell your father about Switzerland?"

"Yes. I also told you that we'd discuss that _tomorrow_."

"I just don't understand the problem, Alexis. I mean, I _get_ that you want to be here when your sister is born, but it's not like you're the one who's going to be _pushing_ her out."

"Mom—"

"Meredith, stop," Castle stuck his hands out. "Alexis is a grown woman. If she wants to go to Switzerland with you, then that's what I want her to do. But, you should also respect her decision to stay here, if that's what she wants to do. This is Kate's and my first child. This might be Alexis' only sibling. To us, this is a very big deal. Kate wants all of us here. When are you planning to leave?"

"On Christmas Eve."

"Lily is due on the eighteenth. If she is born between now and Christmas Eve, then, Alexis should go to Europe with you. But, if she doesn't arrive by then, Alexis needs to stay here in New York. Is everybody all right with that?"

"If Lily arrives after Christmas Eve, can you put Alexis on a plane for Gstaad?"

"If the baby comes after Christmas Eve, I'll get on a plane to spend the holiday with you," Alexis agreed.

"We're all in agreement, then?" Castle asked as the two women nodded.

Kate was dozing when she felt Castle's arms slip around her, his hands lightly rubbing over Lily. "Please tell me that you got rid of your ex-wife," she mumbled.

"She took Alexis shopping."

She slowly rolled over into Castle's embrace. "I just wasn't in the mood—"

"I know," he kissed her. "It's okay."

"Any day now, Castle," she placed her hand on top of the hand that he still had resting on Lily. "Any day now, and we're going to be a family. It won't be just the two of us, anymore."

"Are you getting excited?"

"It's a combination of excited and terrified. What if something goes wrong?"

"Kate, everything is going to be fine. Lily is healthy. We have all the ultrasounds proving that she's fine. I know that you want to do this completely natural, but if it gets to be too much—"

"I'll ask for the epidural. When is Alexis due back?" She smiled, rolling Castle onto his back and straddling his hips.

"Not for a few hours."

"Good," she reached down for the hem of her shirt, lifting it over her head. "Sex is supposed to trigger labor."

 _December 21, 11:00 a.m._

"How are you feeling today?" Dr. O'Malley asked Kate.

"I got up this morning and I could breathe. But she feels like she's down here now," she placed her hand low on her abdomen.

"Let me have a feel. Lay back," he instructed before carefully feeling. "Yeah, she's definitely dropped. I think it's safe to say that it won't be long now."

"How long?"

"It could be hours or it could still be a few days. But I would advise that you have your bag packed and ready to go."

"I've been packed and ready to go for weeks."

"I know you're impatient, but I promise that it won't be long now. Where's your shadow today?"

"He had an appointment with his therapist. Then, he's going home to write. I'm meeting him there. I'm struggling physically, but he's the one who's still struggling emotionally."

"He'll get there. You both will. If you don't have this baby by next Monday, I'll schedule an induction. But my guess is it won't come to that."

"I hope not. My perfect birth plan doesn't include being induced."

"Then you'd better pass that along to your daughter."

***CCC***

"Kate wants me to call the car service when she goes into labor. That way, there will be someone to drive while I can focus all my attention on her."

"That sounds like a good idea," Dr. Burke concurred. "When my wife was in labor with our oldest, I was driving and she made me stop the car every time she had a contraction. What are your thoughts on calling the service?"

"I don't want to," Castle admitted. "I thought I'd call my mother or Alexis since they both want to be there for the birth. Or Kate's dad or Lanie, even. I mean, they're all going to be there, anyway."

"Rick, let's talk about the day that man took you. You thought that he was a driver from your car service?"

"Yeah," Castle began wringing his fingers.

"What do you remember before you woke up on that table?"

"Uh, I don't remember anything," now Castle had moved from wringing his fingers to raking his fingers through his hair. "Well, that's not exactly true."

"What do you remember?"

"This stupid song. He put this CD in . . . I think it was The Brady Bunch. It was stupid and cheesy. And then he says 'Don't you just love this song?' and then it was . . . lights out."

"You think that he released something into the car?"

"That's the only explanation I was able to come up with. Since then, I can't even think of calling the service. I can't put Kate and our daughter in that kind of danger."

"Rick, that was a fluke. The chances of something like that happening again are astronomical. In any case, I think that I would stick with calling family members to take you to the hospital. Save the car service for your first night out after the baby is born."

"That's your official word of advice?"

"Would you like it in writing?" The doctor smirked. "If Kate doesn't believe you, have her call me."

"Thank you."

***CCC***

Kate walked out of Dr. O'Malley's office, bundling into her coat, gloves and scarf before getting on the elevator to take her down to the parking garage. She'd made the decision to drive although it had been sleeting when she left the loft. But Castle was still reluctant to use the car service and she didn't want to depend on a cab or the subway. There were two other occupants in the elevator when she boarded and they all smiled at her. Kate was just thankful that they didn't want to rub her stomach for luck. She'd been to lunch with Martha when a woman wanted to do exactly that. Kate had almost run from her in horror at the idea.

The other people on the elevator got off in the lobby, which left Kate alone to continue down to the next level. When the doors slid open, she quickly exited, colliding with a man who was preparing to get on. "I'm sorry," she quickly mumbled an apology before walking toward the Buick, which was parked nearby.

"Kate? Kate Beckett?"

Kate stopped and slowly turned around, shocked to see the person now striding toward her with a huge smile on his face. "Josh? What . . . what are you doing here?"

"I have an office in this building. I went into private practice just over a year ago."

"The last that I heard about you was something about the Amazon and free clinics."

"Yeah, I helped set up some free clinics in the Amazon. I've been back for a little over a year now. That's when I decided to go into private practice. This way I can still travel but keep some patients here in the city. You . . . look amazing. When are you due?"

"Three days ago," she smiled. "I was seeing my OB/GYN."

"I heard about what happened . . . to you and Castle. Are you all right?"

"We're still healing. She helps," Kate rubbed her stomach.

"She? You're having a girl. That's wonderful."

"I should go. Castle had an appointment and he freaks out a little when I'm out of his sight."

"You're happy?"

"I'm very happy."

"I'm glad to hear that. I really am. Congratulations on the baby."

"Thank you. It was good to see you, Josh."

"You, too."

Kate turned and walked to the car, deciding to herself that this had to be the weirdest week _ever_. What were the odds of seeing both Meredith and Josh in one week? She tugged the seatbelt over her girth, groaning with the effort. "Lily, you'd better be coming soon. Because if I get any bigger, I won't be able to get the seatbelt on."

Looking in the rearview mirror while backing up, she smiled at the sight of the car seat, already set up in the middle of the backseat, rear facing as they were instructed. She couldn't wait until they had a baby to place in that seat.

When she walked into the loft 45 minutes later, she smiled at the familiar sound of click-clacking coming from the direction of Castle's office. She hung up her coat before walking first through their bedroom and then the nursery before coming to his office. She walked over and threw her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "You're never going to believe who I ran into coming out of Dr. O'Malley's office building today."

"Who?" He asked, but it was clear that his mind was still on what he was committing to his word document.

"Dr. Josh Davidson."

"That's nice."

"Castle, I ran into Dr. Motorcycle Boy and all you can say is 'That's nice?' Should I tell you what he said to me?"

"Uh-huh."

"He asked me to run away with him. He's heading to the Antarctic in a few months."

"I hope he packs a jacket and gloves."

"He asked me to marry him and join him. Something about raising babies among the polar bears. I'm hungry. I'm going to fix me a peanut butter and pickle sandwich."

She left the office and walked into the kitchen, smiling while she silently counted backwards from 10. She got to six when she heard his hurried footsteps. "Wait! He asked you to go to the Antarctic with him? Did you tell him that you're having _my_ baby? That you're happily married?" He stopped ranting when he saw the grin playing over her features. "Oh, very funny. That's what I get for not paying attention to you when I'm writing. Did you really run into him?"

"Yeah, when I got off the elevator in the parking garage. He has an office in the same building as Dr. O'Malley."

"That's it. You're changing doctors."

"Castle, relax. I'm not going anywhere and Josh knows that. He asked me if I'm happy."

"What did you tell him?" Castle pouted slightly.

"I told him that I'm very happy," she stepped up and kissed him. "But right now, I'm very hungry."

"I know. Don't get between a pregnant woman and a meal."

"Damn right."

 _December 22, 4:13 a.m._

It was Kate's bladder that woke her up in the wee hours of the morning. She struggled to get out of bed and waddled to the bathroom. The first pain hit her when she was standing up after relieving herself. To Kate, it felt like a very strong menstrual cramp. She washed her hands and walked back to bed, pulling out her cellphone and bringing up the clock app. She sat on the edge of the bed while she waited to see if she was going to have another contraction or if the one had been a Braxton-Hicks. When another pain banded around her about 25 minutes after the first, she started the stopwatch on her phone, breathing through the contraction and stopping the stopwatch when it ended. "I guess you're going to be a Christmas baby, after all, aren't you, Lily?" She whispered.

She glanced over at Castle, who was sleeping soundly at her side. She got up and walked around to his side of the bed, sitting on the edge and gently shaking his shoulder. "Castle? Rick? Babe, I need for you to wake up."

Castle slowly opened sleepy blue eyes and smiled at Kate. "Kate. Hi," his voice was so adorably sleepy that it made Kate smile.

"Hi. Castle, I've had a couple of pains. I think I'm in labor."

"Are you sure they aren't Braxton-Hicks?"

"I'm sure. I had the first one at about 4:15 and the last one was a couple of minutes ago. They're 25 minutes apart and they're lasting 28 seconds."

"Has your water broke?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes with his hand.

"No. We don't need to do anything right now except time the pains."

"Okay. I'll go and wake up Alexis," he moved over to Kate's side of the bed and got up, making his way to the bathroom.

"You don't have to wake her up, yet. Let her sleep. I'm going to go make you some coffee."

"Okay!" He called back.

Kate took her phone with her to the kitchen. While she waited for coffee to brew, she sent texts to her father, Martha, and Lanie. **'I'm in early labor. I've had two contractions, so far. They're far apart, so everybody just be on alert. Castle or I will call or text when it's time. ILY.'**

Her first response came from Lanie. She smiled when she read it. **'Girl, nobody should be that cool when they're having a baby! Let me know if you need me.'**

' **I'm fine. Go to work. I'll call if you should come to the loft or meet us at the hospital.'**

She had just made Castle a cup of coffee when the next contraction hit. She hit the stopwatch and leaned over the counter, breathing through the pain. "Another one?" Castle walked into the kitchen. He picked up the phone and looked at it, stopping it when he saw Kate take a cleansing breath. "Are you good?"

Instead of answering, she turned into his arms, feeling him hold her tightly, one hand rubbing her back. "I'm getting a little scared."

"Me, too. But, we're going to be great."

"I sent texts to my dad, your mom, and Lanie."

"Good. What do you want to do now?"

"Is it cold outside?"

"It is . . . 37 degrees. Why?"

"I want to go for a walk."

"Kate—"

"Not far. Just around the neighborhood. Castle, it's going to be hours before she arrives. We won't be gone long. When we come home, you can wake up Alexis."

After they dressed, they left the loft and went outside into the clear cold of the early morning. "Castle, look," she pointed up to the sky. "You can actually see the stars. It's so rare to see this many stars in the city."

"I think it's going to be a beautiful day to have a baby," he kissed her temple just as she had another contraction. "Breathe, Kate. You're doing great."

"How long?" She asked once it ended.

"They're still 25 minutes apart and lasting between 27 and 30 seconds. It's still going to be a while."

"Let's go down to the bakery. I think they're just now opening up."

They began walking down the street to the small, family-owned bakery on the corner, stopping whenever Kate had a contraction. The bakery was owned by a Russian couple, who had been delighted the first time Kate had come into the bakery, speaking to them in their native language. The woman behind the counter smiled when they walked in, the warm aroma of sugar assailing their nostrils. "Good morning, Mrs. Kate; Mr. Richard. How is the baby?"

"On her way today," Kate smiled.

"Oh my goodness!" The woman clapped her hands together. "Ivan! Ivan! The little baby is on her way!" She called out in Russian. "You're having pains now? Should I call for help?"

"No, no. Mrs. Stravinky, I'm fine," Kate quickly assured the woman. "But, I'm hungry. Can we get a dozen croissants and a half dozen of the blueberry filled donuts?"

"And bear claws. Lanie will want bear claws later," Castle reminded her as she placed an order for the pastries.

After getting their purchases, they thanked the old couple and promised to bring Lily in as soon as they could. "It's still so sexy when you speak Russian," Castle took Kate's hand while carrying their pastries in his other hand.

They walked into the loft half an hour later. Castle took the bag of pastries into the kitchen and prepared Kate a plate with a croissant and one of the blueberry donuts. "You relax and eat," he brought the plate over. "I'm going to wake Alexis up."

Alexis' face was buried in her pillow when she felt someone shaking her shoulder. "Alexis, you need to wake up. I brought home donuts from Stravinsky's."

"Dad?" Alexis sat up. "What's going on? Oh, my god! Is Kate having the baby?"

"She's been in labor for a little over an hour. You can relax. We aren't close to leaving for the hospital just yet. We just thought you'd want to know."

"I'll be downstairs as soon as I shower and get dressed."

 _11:27 a.m._

"How's our girl feeling, Castle?" Lanie's voice came over the speaker on Castle's phone.

"She seems to be feeling good," Castle answered, his eyes focused on Kate.

"What's she doing?"

"She's cleaning out the refrigerator."

Kate was standing in front of the opened refrigerator, removing items, sniffing them and then either tossing them into the garbage can at her side or putting them back where she'd found them. The only time she would stop was when a she had a contraction, at which point, she'd point at Castle or Alexis to keep time.

"Cleaning the refrigerator? Girl, you're about to have a baby! Sit down and time contractions until I get there!"

"This kitchen is a mess!" Kate called back.

"Alicia was here yesterday. She cleaned the place from top to bottom," Castle reminded her.

"Well, she missed the refrigerator. Castle," she gripped the door and began breathing.

"Kate—"

"She can't talk right now, Lanie," Alexis said.

"How far, Castle?" Kate asked when the contraction ended.

"They're 16 minutes apart and are still lasting 30 seconds."

"Okay. I'm going to go and straighten Lily's bedroom," she closed the refrigerator and headed out of the room, Alexis right behind her.

"Lanie, is this normal? When Meredith went into labor, all she did was bitch about how bad it hurt. She definitely didn't decide to start cleaning house."

"It's called nesting, Castle. Kate wants to make sure that everything is nice and clean before she brings the baby home. I'll be there after I get off work, unless you need me there earlier. I can ask Perlmutter to take over for me."

"We've got it under control. Dr. O'Malley has been calling every hour to check on her. He should be calling again soon."

"Okay, sweetie. Take care of Kate and I'll see you in a few hours."

In the bedroom, Kate was folding tiny t-shirts and nightgowns while Alexis sat in the rocking chair with her phone in her hand. "Are you getting nervous?" She asked.

"A little. The contractions definitely make it more real. I just wish things would speed up a little. The waiting is so hard."

"By this time tomorrow night, there's going to be a new Castle in the family," Alexis smiled. "I've been wishing for this moment since I was five years old. Did you ever want a brother or sister?"

"Yeah," Kate signaled to Alexis to start keeping time. She waited for the contraction to end before speaking again. "I remember asking my mom once when I was seven or eight why they never had another baby. My mom said sometimes I was the equivalent of three kids. I don't know why they never had more kids. I think it had something to do with my mom's career. I told your dad that I don't want Lily to be an only child. I want to have one more baby before I'm told old to do it."

"I would ask my mom about having a baby when I was little. But, now that I'm older, I realize that she's too self-centered to focus her attention on a kid."

"Alexis—"

"No, it's okay. It's who she is. I've always known that. When I was little, it was hard to understand. But, by the time I was eight or nine, I got it. I love her. I mean, she's my mom. She just can't get past the idea that the world doesn't revolve around her. My dad is essentially just a big kid, but he can be the bad cop when he has to be. He's a great dad, Kate."

"I know. That's the first thing about him that attracted me. I saw how he was with you and your grandmother. He loves family. Having a baby with him was a no-brainer. I knew it was what I wanted from the moment that he proposed. Let me check Lily's bag and then we'll go back out to keep him company."

 _5:47 p.m._

Kate was dozing on the sofa when Lanie arrived. "How's she doing?" Lanie whispered when Castle opened the door to her.

"Dr. O'Malley suggested that she try to catch a few z's before the time comes. The contractions are now 10 minutes apart. They're still lasting about 30 seconds, but Kate says they're stronger."

"Lanie," Kate's voice was drowsy.

"Hey, girl," Lanie walked over to the sofa. "I thought I'd come and join the baby party. How are you feeling?"

"Good," she struggled to sit up. "Except I thought she'd be here by now. I've been in labor for 13 hours."

"She's taking her time, but that's all right."

"Castle, my back," Kate winced as Castle began kneading her lower back.

"I talked to an OB friend of mine before I came over here. She said that a warm bath could help if you're having back pain. She said it can also speed up the contractions."

"Lanie, I'm not sure I'm ready for speed," Kate blew a breath out as Castle continued massaging her back.

"Sweetie, you said yourself that you've been at this for 13 hours."

"We can put the massage jets on your back," Castle suggested.

"Okay. Help me up," Kate reached for his hand as he helped her to her feet. "Will you get in with me?"

"I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"Take your phone," she pointed to the coffee table.

"Castle, make sure the water is no warmer than 99 degrees," Lanie called out.

They walked into the bathroom where Castle removed his clothes, watching as Kate did the same. He then turned on the water, making sure that it wasn't too warm before he stepped in and helped her in after him. He placed his phone on the side of the tub as Kate settled against his chest. "Start the clock," she took his hand and placed it on her abdomen.

Castle could feel her belly tighten up with the force of the contraction. "Wow," he breathed when the contraction ended. "How does it feel from the inside?"

"Like my uterus is in a vice grip. I'm so tired," she began sobbing.

"I know," he kissed her temple. "But, I promise that the first time you hold Lily, you're going to forget all about the exhaustion and the pain. Kate, it's like nothing you've ever known. I can't even describe the emotions that go through you the first time that you see your child. The wonder that two people can create something so miraculous."

"I just have to see her, Castle. I have to know that she's truly all right. That Caleb Brown's evil didn't reach out to her."

"She's perfect, Kate. She's going to have 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes and everything else is going to be exactly where it's supposed to be."

"Here we go again," she groaned when she heard him grab his phone. "The next time . . . you're doing this."

"I would if I could," he smiled.

"No, you wouldn't. They're getting a lot stronger. That's good, right?"

"Yeah, that's really good. Hopefully, it won't be much longer."

Out in the living room, Kate's phone rang. Alexis looked at the caller id. "It's Dr. O'Malley." She picked up the phone and answered. "Hello?"

"I was looking for Kate—"

"This is Alexis. I'm Rick's daughter."

"Hello, Alexis. I was just checking on Kate."

"She's in the tub with my dad. Did you want to talk to her?"

"If you don't mind."

Kate had dozed against Castle's chest in between contractions when Alexis tapped on the door. "Kate, Dr. O'Malley's on the phone," she called through the door.

"Put it . . . on speaker. Just . . . put my phone . . . on the floor and . . . crack the door opened."

"Dr. O'Malley, you're on speaker," Alexis went and sat on the bed.

"Kate, how's it going? How far apart are the contractions now?"

"The last few have been eight minutes apart. They're lasting 30 seconds, but they're getting steadily stronger," Castle answered.

"They'll last about 30 seconds until she reaches the five-minute part, which is when they'll start lasting longer. Has your water broke?"

"No. But my back is killing me."

"Hopefully the warm water will help with that. Have Rick massage your back during the contractions. Try walking around or using your exercise ball in between. I'll probably be seeing you in the next few hours."

"I hope so."

"You're doing fine, Kate. I'll talk to you soon."

 _10:18 p.m._

Kate was on her exercise ball, gently rocking her hips while Castle sat on the floor next to her and kept his fists pressed into her back. She gripped his bad shoulder, causing him to yelp in pain. "Sorry," she apologized. "Oh, my god, this was such a bad idea."

"Which is why women keep doing it," Castle quipped.

"Castle, will you please talk to your mother? Kate's dad is an iceberg, but your mother—"

"Is a diva. I know," Castle took the phone from Lanie, placing it to his ear. "Hello, Mother."

"Richard, how is Katherine?"

"Kate is fine, Mother. We'll probably be leaving for the hospital soon. The contractions are six and a half minutes apart now."

"Are you sure that you don't need me there? I feel so helpless waiting around."

"Mother, we've been waiting around all day. I'll call you when we leave for the hospital. I love you. Bye."

"Castle, I love your mother, but sometimes—" Kate didn't finish the sentence.

"I know."

"I have to pee. Like, right now."

Castle helped her to her feet before getting up from the floor. "She's worn out, Lanie."

"I know, sweetie. It shouldn't be much longer. Let me make sure we have everything together."

Kate stood up after relieving herself and was pulling up her yoga pants when she heard a 'pop,' followed by warm water cascading down her legs and all over the floor. "Really, Lily? You couldn't wait to do this until we got to the hospital?" A particularly strong contraction was Lily's answer to the query. "Okay, I get the message. Rick?" She called out.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, could you get me a change of clothes, please?"

"What happened? You didn't make it to the bathroom on time?"

"Uh, no," she opened the bathroom door, where they saw her soaked yoga pants. "My water just broke."

 **A/N #4: Baby Lily will be making her appearance in the next chapter.**

 **A/N #5: I know that we all disliked Dr. Motorcycle Boy, but I just couldn't make him a jerk for this one last encounter.**

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	31. Happy Birthday

**A/N #1: Well, here it is. The debut of Lily Johanna Castle. This chapter continues where the previous chapter left off.**

 **A/N #2: To the guest reviewer who pointed out that Flynn was driving a cab when he picked up Castle; in 8x22, 'Crossfire,' this is indeed true. Flynn was driving a cab. However, if you go back and re-read Chapter 16, 'Endgame' of** _ **this**_ **story, you will find that I had Flynn intercept a call that Castle had made to his car service. Thus, Flynn picked up Castle in a Town Car.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 31: Happy Birthday**

 _December 22, 10:30 p.m._

"Do we have everything?" Castle asked, looking at Lanie, who was holding a small suitcase in each hand. "Kate, are you ready to go and do this?"

"Let's go."

"The doorman is holding a cab for me and Kate. Lanie," he tossed Lanie the keys to his Buick, "you and Alexis follow us in my car. It has the car seat in it."

"Did you call Dr. O'Malley?" Kate panted through a contraction.

"I called him and I texted everybody else. Come on, let's go."

"We'll meet you guys at the hospital. Good luck, sweetie," Lanie embraced Kate, kissing her on the cheek.

They took the elevator downstairs and outside, where the evening doorman was holding a cab for Castle and Kate. He helped Kate inside before sliding in beside her. "New York Presbyterian and," he handed the driver a one-hundred-dollar bill," step on it."

"You've got it, boss," the driver, pulling into traffic and heading for the hospital.

"How are you doing?" Castle asked.

"I'm miserable, Castle. Lily had better be coming out soon."

"Not too soon, lady," the cabbie commented. "I've already delivered three babies. I really don't want to go for number four."

"At least you're experienced," Kate joked, grabbing Castle's arm when another contraction started.

 _10:48 p.m._

The cab screeched to a stop in front of the hospital. Castle threw a wad of bills at the driver, who thanked him profusely and wished them luck before roaring away. They were met in the front lobby by Martha. "Richard! Katherine! Are you all right?"

"Not exactly," Kate was clutching Castle's arm in pain. "I'm having a baby here! Where's my dad?"

"He's on his way. Let me find someone to get you a wheelchair and we'll get you upstairs."

"That sounds . . . great."

 _11:00 p.m._

Kate was soon whisked up to a room on the Labor and Delivery Ward. She was slowly walking around her room when Dr. O'Malley walked in with a young nurse at his side. "Good evening, Kate. How are you feeling?"

"You're kidding, right? Please tell me that this isn't where you come in, say 'hi,' and then stick your hand up me."

"No," Dr. O'Malley chuckled. "However, I would like to listen to the baby's heartbeat." He brought a doppler device over and placed the wand on Kate's belly. A reassuring 'whoosh' sound filled the room. "She sounds great. This young lady is Emma. She's going to be your nurse. Emma, this is Kate. We've talked about what she wants and doesn't want. Where's your friend?"

"Parking my car," Castle said. "She and my daughter should be up here soon."

"Has anybody seen my dad? Castle—"

"I'll go and see if he's here," Castle kissed her on the forehead.

"Kate, I'll be back to check on you soon. Emma can answer any questions that you have in the meantime."

Castle stepped out into the hall, smiling when he saw Lanie and Alexis exit the elevator with Jim Beckett in tow. "Kate's been asking for you," he told Jim. "She's in room 521. You can let her know that you're here."

"Go and see her, Mr. Beckett. I'll go in a few minutes," Lanie told him. "How's she doing?"

"I don't know. The baby's heartbeat is strong. I just worry."

"Castle, she's going to be fine. I know that she's exhausted and so are you. But once it comes down to getting that baby out, she's going to forget everything else."

Kate was walking around the room with Emma at her side when the door opened and her dad walked in. "Hi, dad. Are you ready for Lily's debut?"

"I've been ready for a long time. How are you feeling?" He walked over and kissed Kate on the cheek.

"Tired. But I don't think it's going to be too much longer. I swear that I can feel her moving down. Oh, this is Emma. Emma, this is my dad, Jim."

"Hi," Emma greeted him.

"Nice to meet you. Is she doing okay?"

"She seems to be doing just fine. I'll step out so that you can visit. Is there anything I can bring you?"

"I take it a glass of wine is out of the question," Kate joked. "Some iced water would be great."

"I'll bring you some water. I'll be right back."

"Maybe you should get in bed," Jim suggested once Emma left.

"No. I want to walk. My water broke all over the bathroom floor. There was a lot of water," she grimaced when another contraction hit. "Dad, what was it like when mom had me? She said that you were there with her."

"I remember that I got called a lot of names. You were stubborn coming out. The doctor told your mother it was because your head was laying wrong. But when you were born," tears filled his eyes at the memory, "it was amazing, Katie. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in my life."

"Can you see where Rick is? I need him right now."

"I'll go and get him."

When Castle came back into the room with Lanie right behind him, Kate was squatting on the floor, holding onto the end of the bed. "What're you doing?"

"Trying to get your kid out."

"Here," Lanie rolled her exercise ball over. "This might be more comfortable."

"Shit!" Kate cried out. "Now, I've got a fucking Charley Horse in my leg! Ow, it hurts!"

"Which leg?" Castle got down on the floor in front of her.

"My right one. Down in my calf."

"Lanie, can you help her balance while I massage her leg?"

"Yeah. Kate, let me help you onto the ball and I'll hold onto you while Castle takes care of your leg."

Castle expertly massaged Kate's leg while Lanie helped her remain on the exercise ball. Kate placed her hands on Castle's shoulders, her eyes closed, soft moans leaving her throat with the peak of each contraction. Castle knew from their birthing classes that it wasn't going to be too much longer. No more than a few hours. He realized that Kate was in the zone, preparing herself for the moment when it came time to push.

"Kate, did Dr. O'Malley check you?"

"No," she shook her head. "We agreed that he wouldn't do a cervical exam until I feel the need to push. The lady in childbirth class said I'd know when it was time. Castle, I love you."

"I know," he smiled. "I love you, too."

She kept her hands on his shoulders, leaning down so that her head rested on his shoulder. Castle brought his hands around, resting them on her lower back. Lanie thought that the gesture was so sweet, so intimate, that it needed to be recorded. She brought out her cell phone and snapped a few pictures, smiling at Castle. "Is Lanie taking pictures?" Kate whispered against Castle's neck.

"Yeah," he smiled, lightly rubbing her back.

"Please tell me that my ass wasn't hanging out."

"You're modestly covered, I promise," Lanie assured her.

Emma walked in, carrying a pitcher of iced water and several plastic cups. "Dr. O'Malley said that if you're hungry, you can have something to eat. He just advised not to eat anything heavy. It can make you nauseous."

"I want something sweet."

"How about yogurt?" Emma suggested. 

"Yogurt would be good."

 _December 23, 12:03 a.m._

Kate was sitting on the exercise ball, slowly rocking her hips and holding on to the edge of the mattress. Her eyes were closed and for the past 45 minutes, she hadn't been talking much. "How's the scar, sweetie?" Lanie asked, taking a cool cloth and wiping Kate's forehead.

"Shhh," Kate waved her hand impatiently. "Oh, god," she rested her head against the mattress. "I just want to be in a position where it doesn't hurt!"

"I know."

Castle had stepped out to update the family on her progress. Lanie knew that Kate hadn't wanted him too far away. "I'm glad that you're here. You're keeping me on track. Did you ever think this day would come?" Kate lifted her head up and smiled at her best friend.

"Oh, I always knew that you and Writer-Boy would get together, but honestly, no, I never thought of you becoming a mom."

"I can't wait to see her for the first time. I watch videos and I see that moment when these moms see their newborn and it's hard to describe. Where's Rick?"

"He's just outside. I'll go and get him."

"Okay. Lanie!"

"Yeah?"

"Can you send Martha in first?"

"I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, the door opened and Martha walked in. "How are you doing, kiddo?" She came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I can't believe that you're not flat on your back. When I was in labor with Richard, they wouldn't let me leave my room."

"My dad said they did that to my mom, too. Dr. O'Malley said he doesn't think it'll be more than an hour or two. Give me your hand," Kate reached for Martha's hand and placed it low on her abdomen. "You can feel right before . . . now. Oooh," she moaned.

The emotions overwhelmed Martha when she felt Kate's belly tightening with the force of the contraction. "Breathe, darling. You're doing great. Let me go and get Richard."

"No," Kate stopped her. "No, not yet. I want to say this while he's not in the room. You are the bravest woman I've ever known. It takes incredible courage and strength to raise a child alone in an era when women didn't do that. And, not only that, you raised such a good man. Lily is so lucky to have you for a grandmother."

"Thank you, Katherine," Martha rested her forehead against Kate's. "But, I've always thought that Richard, Alexis, and I are the lucky ones to have you in our lives. I raised a good man, but you made him want to be a better man. And, for that, I will always be eternally grateful. Now, I'm going to go and get Richard so that you can deliver my granddaughter."

"Okay."

 _12:31 a.m._

Kate felt the change instantly. It was a feeling of sudden pressure in need of an outlet. "Castle, can someone go and get Dr. O'Malley? Now!"

"I'll go and find him or Emma!" Lanie ran from the room.

"No, it has to be Dr. O'Malley! That girl isn't sticking her hand up me! Not unless she plans on buying me dinner first!"

Within moments, Lanie had returned with both the doctor and the young nurse. "Kate, let's get you on the bed so that I can check you." Castle helped Kate onto the bed, and pressed the button to raise it up. "This is going to be uncomfortable, I'm sorry to say." He did a quick check, before removing his hand and smiling up at Kate. "Are you ready to have a baby?"

"Yeah. I've been ready all day."

More medical personnel came in, pushing an isolette into the room. "Rick, you and Lanie are each going to bring one of Kate's legs back and we're going to get to work. With the next contraction, Kate, I need for you to take a deep breath and push just as hard as you can."

"Okay. Here we go."

"One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . . five . . . six . . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . . and . . . ten! Okay, Kate! That was great!"

"No," she fell over against Rick. "This is awful. What if she's stuck?"

"Kate, believe me, she's not stuck," Dr. O'Malley laughed. "Come on, deep breath, and let's do this again. Deep breath and . . . push!" He once again went through a count of ten, after which Kate fell back in exhaustion.

"No more. I can't do this. Can't you just reach in and pull her out?"

"Kate, you're doing great," the doctor encouraged her. "I know that it hurts and I know that you're exhausted."

"Really? When's the last time you pushed out a baby?"

"Never. But, I've delivered a bunch of them. Are you ready to seriously get to work? Think of this as an investigation that you're trying to wrap up."

"Great," Castle whispered. "Now, he's trying to think like a homicide cop."

"Castle, I'm so tired. I can't do this, anymore. Everything hurts!"

"Yes, you can," he brought his face close to her. "You are extraordinary. Lily's going to be here soon. I love you so much. Let's meet our daughter, okay?" His smile was huge as she looked at him.

"You're right. Enough talking. Let's do this."

 _1:03 a.m._

"Kate, give me your hand," Dr. O'Malley instructed her after she had been pushing for a little more than half an hour. "Do you feel that? That is the top of Lily's head. She's nearly here, Kate. A few more pushes and you're going to get to meet her."

"Oh, my god!"

Castle and Lanie watched in the mirror behind Dr. O'Malley's head at the circle of black that was gradually getting bigger with each push. "You're amazing, Kate. You're doing this," Castle whispered as Kate took another deep breath and pushed, feeling everything down below stretch to accommodate the baby's head.

"Oh, god! Would you hurry and get this big-headed baby out of me!"

"Give me another big push, Kate, and we should see her head. You can do this! Push!"

The whole room shouted words of encouragement as Lily's head finally emerged, her eyes swollen and scrunched shut. Kate reached down for her as Dr. O'Malley quickly suctioned the baby's nose and mouth as loud squalls filled the room. "A few more pushes, Kate, and we're going to have the rest of her."

Kate pushed as hard as she could, keeping her hands down as the rest of Lily's body emerged, wet and slippery, from her own. Tears flowed down Kate's face as she moved Lily up to her chest, the umbilical cord still connecting them. Dr. O'Malley held a pair of scissors out to Castle. "Would you like to do the honors, daddy?"

Castle took the scissors and cut the final tie between mother and daughter. One of the nurses brought a towel over and briskly rubbed it all over Lily's body, as the baby protested loudly. "Hello, Lily," Kate couldn't stop crying as she looked down at her daughter in awe. "Can I look at her? All of her?"

Dr. O'Malley nodded, understanding that Kate and Rick both had to have the assurance that Lily was indeed completely healthy and not marred by the tragedy that had occurred the previous spring.

With Castle's help, Kate removed the towel from Lily and examined every inch of her, finally satisfying herself and Rick that there were no lingering wounds or scars from Caleb Brown's bullet. "She's perfect, Castle," she kissed him. "Hold your daughter."

Castle scooped the baby into his arms, securing her in the crook of his arm as he stared down at her dark, unfocused baby eyes. "Please don't pee on me, Lily," he said as everybody laughed. He smiled when a nurse brought her a blanket to wrap her up in. "Thank you. Your mommy and I have been waiting such a long time for you. Mommy's right. You are perfect."

Kate wasn't even aware of what was going on at the end of the bed. She was too wrapped up in her new daughter and her husband. "Kate, I'm going to go and let everybody know that she's here," Lanie kissed Kate's forehead.

"Thank you, Lanie. Will they be able to come in and see her?" Kate asked.

"Let's get you cleaned up and we need to take her to the nursery to get checked out by the pediatrician. Then, everybody can come in very briefly. But you need to get your rest," the doctor said.

"She can stay in with me, can't she?"

"Absolutely. Rick can stay with you, also. Emma is going to help you get cleaned up and I'm going to take Lily to get checked. I'll bring her back as soon as I can."

Martha, Jim, and Alexis were anxiously waiting in the waiting room when Lanie came in. "Lily is finally here!" Lanie announced. "Kate and the baby are doing great. They're helping her get cleaned up and they're going to give the baby her first check-up. After that, everybody can come in to meet Miss Lily."

"What time was she born?" Alexis asked. "I've been keeping Ryan and Esposito updated."

"I'm not sure of the exact time, but it was about ten minutes after one."

Martha spotted Dr. O'Malley and one of the pediatric nurses pushing the isolette down the hallway. "There she is!" Martha ran out. "May we see her?"

"Of course," the doctor stopped. "Kate is getting cleaned up. We're going to check Lily out and then we'll be returning her to Kate."

"Oh, she's beautiful," Martha gushed.

"May I?" Alexis held her phone out as the doctor nodded. "I'll send these to everybody, so they have copies."

"What do you think, Jim?"

"I wish that Jo could be here. Lily looks a lot like Katie did when she was born."

Castle stepped out of the room, smiling at his family gathered around the isolette. "Dad!" Alexis ran over and embraced her dad. "How's Kate?"

"She's tired, but she's doing great. What do you think of your sister?"

"She's gorgeous."

"I need coffee. But can I get a couple of pictures before you take Lily?"

"Yeah," Dr. O'Malley smiled.

"She's so calm," Martha commented. "You were like that, too."

"So was Alexis," Castle put his phone back into his pocket.

"Rick, let Kate know that she should have Lily back within half an hour to 45 minutes."

"Thank you," Castle shook the doctors' hand. "You did a great job."

"Kate did all the work. I was just the cheering section, remember?"

In Kate's room, Emma got housekeeping to change the bed while she helped Kate change into clean clothes. "How are you feeling?" Emma asked when she helped Kate back into bed.

"Now that the adrenaline is fading, I feel like someone has taken a baseball bat and beat me all over my body. Are you sure that Lily's okay?"

"Kate, she's perfect. Sometimes baby don't cry a lot. They're going to bring her to you and she's going to get a clean bill of health. Are you planning on nursing her?"

"Yeah, I want to do that."

"I'll help you get started on that. It's the most amazing thing ever when you put your baby to your breast for the first time."

"How old is your baby?" Kate smiled.

"She just turned a year old. Her name is Violet," Emma pulled out her phone. "Like your husband, my husband has a grown child. His son is married and has a two-year-old. So, Violet has a nephew who's a year older than she is."

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"When are they bringing Lily back?"

"It won't be much longer. I'll go and see what the hold-up is," Emma smiled.

Kate took a deep breath, feeling the deep throbbing between her legs. She looked over when the door opened and Castle walked in. "Hey, mama," he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Our family is gathered around the nursery waiting for Lily to come out."

"When are they bringing her, Castle?"

"Soon, love. Very soon. They're weighing her and measuring her and checking her hearing. You must be exhausted."

"I am, but right now, I can't even describe what's going on down south."

"I'll have them bring you an ice pack." He couldn't help but notice how much she was shaking. "Kate, are you cold?"

"A little," she admitted.

He reached down and rang for a nurse. Emma walked in a moment later. "What do you need, Kate?"

"Why is she shaking so badly?" Concern was etched all over Castle's face. "Is that normal?"

"Yeah, it's perfectly normal. It's the adrenaline wearing off. Let me get you some extra blankets. I just spoke to the neonatal nurse. She said they'll be bringing Lily back in about 10 minutes."

She tucked two blankets around Kate, who continued shaking. "How long will I shake like this?"

"It won't last too much longer."

"I'm sorry that I freaked," Castle apologized. "My first wife had a C-section, so I didn't see any of this."

"It's okay, Mr. Castle. I'll bring you some fresh water."

Now that she was warm, Kate began to get drowsy. But she wanted to see Lily. Her eyes closed again, but she awoke with a start when she heard the door open. Her breath hitched in her chest when she saw the nurse carrying a bundle in a large Christmas stocking with a red cap on top of her head. "Someone wants to be with her mommy," the nurse placed Lily in Kate's arms. "The pediatrician will be in shortly, but we knew you wanted to be reunited."

Kate stared down at Lily, who was staring up at her with dark eyes, her tiny tongue poking in and out of her mouth. "Thank you," she smiled, looking at Castle and patting the bed beside her. "Look, Castle. She's in a stocking. Our very own Christmas baby."

"She's the best Christmas present ever."

Kate removed the cap and feathered her fingers over Lily's dark hair. "She has so much hair."

"May I come in?" They looked up when another doctor stepped into the room. "I'm Dr. Leonard. I'm the pediatrician who examined your daughter. The nurse will be in shortly with her birth certificate. They told me that her name is Lily."

"Lily Johanna," Kate confirmed.

"Lily weighs seven pounds, seven and a half ounces. She is 21 inches long and is 100 percent healthy. She didn't like having her footprints done, but none of them like that. Congratulations."

"Thank you," the doctor left as Martha, Jim, and Alexis stepped in, along with Lanie.

"They've told us that we can only stay a few minutes because it's late and you need your rest," Lanie explained.

"Then I guess we should introduce Lily to the family," Kate smiled. "Dad, would you like to hold your granddaughter?"

Jim bent down and scooped Lily into his arms. "I can't remember the last time I held a newborn. Hello, Lily. Your mommy and daddy and the rest of us have been waiting a long time for this moment. Welcome to the family, wee one."

He then handed her over to Martha, who had tears freely falling down her face as she held her new granddaughter. "Oh, Lily. You are every bit as beautiful as your mommy and big sister. I am so delighted to welcome you to the family. Your mommy will protect you from the bad guys and your daddy will weave magical stories for you. We all love you so much."

Kate rested her head against Castle's shoulder as she watched her family interacting with Lily for the first time. She couldn't remember ever being so exhausted, and yet so full of joy all at the same time. But, she also longed to have Lily back in her arms. After what seemed to be an eternity, Lanie walked over and handed the baby back to Kate. "We're going to go home and let you get some rest. What time will you be going home tomorrow or later today?"

"I don't know. I'll know more later."

"We'll see you at home later," Jim kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Katie."

"I love you, too."

After they all said goodnight, they left the new parents alone. "She is perfect," Castle took one of Lily's tiny hands in his.

"Yes, she is." Just then, Lily began to cry. "Okay, what's wrong with her? Why is she crying?"

"Maybe she's hungry," Castle suggested. "I imagine you build up an appetite coming into the world."

"Emma was going to help me with this, but maybe she won't have to. Untie the back of my gown," she instructed Castle. "Are you hungry, my little Lily?" Kate lowered the front of her gown and moved Lily closer. It didn't take long for her to latch on and began suckling. "I think you were right, Castle. I think she was hungry."

Emma chose that moment to walk in with a fresh pitcher of water. "I was just coming to see if you needed some help, but it looks like you've got things figured out. I wanted to make sure that you have everything you needed."

"We're fine. Thank you, Emma."

"Try to get some rest."

"We will," Castle said before the young woman left the room. "Things will be quieter once we're able to go home with her."

"I can't believe that we made her, Castle. You were right."

"About what?"

"Do you remember when they took Alexis?" He nodded as she continued. "You described the first time you saw her as that feeling of being struck by lightning. That's what it feels like."

"Your life will never be the same. From now on, your every thought will be of making sure Lily's needs are met. Everything else is secondary to her happiness."

"Would you like to burp her?"

"I'd love to," he carefully took Lily from Kate, throwing a towel over his shoulder before placing the baby up and rubbing her back. "Is she asleep?"

"Almost. She's fighting it."

"Alexis would fight sleep every time I burped her. It was like even at two weeks old, she was worried she was going to miss something. Thank you," his voice was choked with emotion.

"For what?"

"For creating her with me. For allowing me to experience this with someone who's willing to dive into it with me this time."

"You're welcome. And I promise that you'll never have to do this alone again."

"We should put her in her bed and get some sleep ourselves. She's not going to sleep for long, so you need to take advantage of it. When she's asleep, you need to sleep. At least for the first few weeks until you both get into a rhythm."

"Stay with us?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Castle got into the bed with Kate after putting Lily in the plastic crib that had been wheeled into the room for her. He moved it close to the bed so they could get to her quickly. He then lay down and felt Kate settle against him. Her last thoughts before falling asleep was she couldn't wait for the next chapter of her life to being with Castle and Lily.

 **A/N #3: The 'big-headed baby' comment was made by one of my muses when she was giving birth to her first child. Apparently, the babies on her husband's side of the family all had big heads.**

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	32. Period of Adjustment

**A/N #1: This chapter is a bridge between Part 2 and Part 3 before things get moving with the LokSat hearings. It will conclude Part 2. There will be a small time jump in this chapter.**

 **A/N #2: I apologize for taking so long to post. This will be the last chapter for a little while. I'm blocked and need to watch the last few seasons over again to get some perspective. I will be writing a story for the summer Ficathon, which was just announced on Twitter. The first chapter of that story will be posted on June 12. I will return to this story as soon as possible. I will not leave an unfinished story on this site.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 32: Period of Adjustment**

 _January 15_

Castle was in his office working on the new book when he heard Lily's cries over the baby monitor. He slid his chair back and hurried into the nursery, stopping in the doorway when he saw Kate scooping the baby into her arms. "I've got her, Castle."

"Yeah, I just heard her and—"

"I know. She's hungry and wet."

"I'll let you take care of her, then," he turned and headed back to his office.

The past three weeks since Lily's birth had been a period of adjustment for both Kate and Castle. Kate was still learning how to be a mom, but for Castle, the adjustment was harder. He was having a hard time adjusting to the idea that he wasn't alone in raising Lily. It was something he'd been working through with Dr. Burke, but it still wasn't easy.

Kate changed Lily's diaper before walking over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She sat down and opened her blouse, smiling when she felt Lily latch on. Kate loved being a mom. Every day, Lily changed a little more, both in looks and personality. Everybody commented on what an easy-going baby she was. Lately, her father had been asking her about her upcoming christening. While she and Castle had appointed Lanie and the boys as the baby's godparents, neither of them had given any thought to any kind of a religious ceremony. "I guess I'll have to add that to the list of things to talk to daddy about," Kate whispered to her daughter. "Would you like to go and see daddy? Let's go see what he's up to."

Kate buttoned her shirt before getting up and walking to Castle's office. "Hey, Lily wanted to see her daddy."

Castle turned in his chair and smiled at his wife and baby daughter. Seeing the two of them together was a sight that he never tired of. Seeing how joyful Lily made Kate was a beautiful thing to see. "There's my girl," he took Lily from Kate, settling her in the crook his arm.

"I wouldn't advise bouncing her. She hasn't been burped," Kate warned him, handing him a towel.

"Thank you for the warning," he threw the towel over his shoulder before lifting the baby up. "I would hate to be caught like Mother was."

"Well, at least she can no longer say that none of her grandchildren have ever puked on her," Kate bit her lip, remembering an incident where Lily had spit up all over Martha, who had bounced the baby after a feeding shortly after declaring that Alexis had never spit up on her when she was an infant. "Speaking of grandparents, my dad has been asking me if we plan on having Lily christened."

"I haven't given it a lot of thought, to be honest. I'm not that religious. I didn't think that your dad was."

"He isn't, but my parents had me christened and I guess that it means a lot to him."

"Did you tell him that Lily is going to have two godfathers?"

"Yes, and he said that he figured that we'd have both boys as godfather."

"I do want Lily to have some tradition in her life. I never brought Alexis up with any sense of tradition. I guess it's because I wasn't brought up with anything traditional, except boarding school. And I decided very early on that Alexis was never going to see the inside of one of those."

"That is one tradition I'm glad you broke. What time is your appointment with Dr. Burke?"

"Three o'clock. We can discuss having Lily christened when I get home. I like the idea, though."

"I'll check into what it involves and make some phone calls while you're gone."

After burping Lily, he settled her back into the crook of his arm, bouncing her slightly when she started to fuss. "I can't get over how much she looks like you," he smiled at Kate.

"Everybody tells me that, but I don't see it. I think she looks more like you."

"No way. Your dad showed me baby pictures," he laughed when Kate rolled her eyes. "Not to bring you down, but has there been any word about . . . you know who?"

"LokSat? If there had been, I would've told you. I don't think it'll be much longer, though. We need to prepare ourselves for a long ordeal. Hey," she got up and walked over to his chair, "let's talk about something more cheerful. Like, where are you taking me for Valentine's Day? I'll be cleared in another week for some . . . fun," she stroked her finger up his arm. "I know that it's still a month away, but I'd love to do something romantic."

"As in, leave Lily with a sitter romantic?" She nodded eagerly. "I'll see what I can do about that."

"I should put her in her bed," she nodded down at Lily, who had fallen asleep in her father's arms.

"Okay. I need to get in the shower."

"Since you're going that way, why don't you put Lily in her crib? Because she looks really cozy and I don't want to wake her up," Kate suggested.

"Okay," his smile was huge.

Kate let her breath out after Rick had left the room with the baby. She knew that he was having a hard time getting used to sharing the care of Lily. He'd done it all by himself with Alexis, except for the baby nurse he'd had during her first few weeks. This time, since Kate was exclusively breastfeeding Lily, he obviously felt left out of taking care of her. Kate pulled her cell phone from her back pocket and brought up Dr. Burke's number. "Hi, this is Kate Beckett. I was wondering if Dr. Burke has an opening for later this afternoon. Yes, I'll hold," Kate walked around Castle's office, picking up various items while she waited for the receptionist to come back on the line. "Yes, I'm still here. Five o'clock is fine. Thank you."

She went back through Lily's nursery, smiling at the sight of her daughter sound asleep under a pink Winnie the Pooh blanket, her small lips puckering in her sleep. She kissed her hand before placing her palm on the baby's forehead. She then went into the bedroom where Castle was just coming out of the bathroom. "Do you want to order in tonight or do you want me to cook something?" He asked as he got underwear and socks from his dresser drawers.

"I don't know. I have an appointment later this afternoon with Dr. Burke."

"I thought you were seeing him next week," Castle was puzzled.

"I am. I just need to talk to him to work out a few things."

"Kate, is everything all right?"

"Castle, everything's fine. The problem isn't you; it's me."

"What're you talking about?"

"We'll talk about this later. Go to your appointment. When you come home, I'll go to my appointment. You get to play Mr. Mom for an hour or so," she smiled.

"You're sure that everything's okay?"

"Castle, everything is almost perfect. I just need to work a few kinks out."

***CCC***

"Rick? Come in," Dr. Burke motioned for Rick to enter his office. "How is the baby?"

"She's perfect," Rick pulled out his phone and showed his latest pictures to the doctor.

"She's beautiful. How's Kate?"

"She's good. But, I understand that she has an appointment with you later today."

"She called earlier," he confirmed. "And, before you ask me why she's coming in a few days early, I don't know. And, even if I did, I couldn't tell you."

"I know."

"What's on your mind today?"

"I'm still having trouble coming to terms that I'm not alone this time."

"With taking care of Lily?" Dr. Burke asked, watching Castle nod. "Considering your past history with Alexis' mother, that's not surprising."

"Kate's breastfeeding Lily, and sometimes . . . sometimes—"

"It's all right, Rick. You can say what's on your mind. That's why you're here."

"Sometimes, I feel left out. And then I feel ashamed of myself for being so selfish. Kate's never been a mom before. She deserves to enjoy every aspect of motherhood. I see how she is with Lily, and then I remember the way that Meredith was with Alexis, and it's night and day."

"Let's talk about your first wife for a few minutes. How old was Alexis when the two of you divorced?"

"She had just turned four."

"Were you always the primary caregiver of Alexis?"

"Yes. At first, it was because I was a writer and I could work from home. But, it didn't take me long to realize that Meredith didn't have a motherly bone in her body. My mother would never have won any Mother of the Year awards, but at least she tried. Meredith liked dressing Alexis up and paying attention to her when the mood struck her, which wasn't very often. But when Alexis was sick or cranky or made a mess, Meredith couldn't be bothered."

"Let's move on to your second wife—"

"Gina."

"Yes, Gina. How old was Alexis when the two of you married?"

"She was almost 10."

"How long were the two of you married?"

"Four years. Well, closer to five."

"Alexis was still quite young when you remarried. Did you have problems sharing her with Gina?"

"Not at first," Castle remembered back to the early days of his marriage to Gina. "I liked the fact that Gina liked spending time with Alexis. When we first got married, Alexis had problems sharing me."

"That's understandable and common of children of divorce, especially when one of the parents' remarries."

"Right after we got married, we went on an around the world trip for our honeymoon. Alexis stayed with my mother. We were gone for almost three months and Alexis wouldn't speak to either of us for almost a month after we returned home. I went out of my way trying to win back her affection."

"Rick, you never lost Alexis' affection. She still loved you. What she was displaying was perfectly normal behavior, especially for a pre-teen."

"I know. But, at the time, I just felt like she hated me."

"Let's move on to Kate. Did you ever feel that you had to share Alexis with Kate?"

"No. Alexis was 15 when I met Kate. Although—"

"Although?" Burke gently prompted him.

"It didn't take long for Alexis to start going to Kate for advice instead of coming to me. I remember feeling left out at the time."

"Do you feel that Kate ever feels that she's having to share you with Alexis?"

"I don't know. Kate has always been great when it comes to Alexis and my relationship. She makes it a point to never interfere when we're having a disagreement about something. I just want to learn how to share Lily."

"Rick, you're not having to _share_ Lily. It's not like it was when you were married to Meredith or to Gina. Kate has made it very clear that she's fully committed to you and your life together. Even though Kate is nursing, I'm sure that there are other ways that you can be with the baby. But, you need to talk to Kate about the way you're feeling. I know it's not her intent to shut you out of caring for Lily. How is the book coming along?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Good," Rick finally smiled. "I've written eight chapters and it looks like it's going to be on track by my deadline."

"Has Kate read any of it?"

"No, not yet. She's been so busy with the baby that she just hasn't had time to do anything else."

"What about the other stuff?"

"LokSat?" Rick asked as the doctor nodded. "We haven't heard anything. The first hearing was supposed to be today, but they postponed it until sometime in February. The hearings probably won't start before this summer."

"Do you think you're ready for what might be divulged in those hearings?"

"These guys are the CIA. Or, as we like to call them at home, the CYA. They aren't going to admit to anything. I'm honestly surprised the Men in Black haven't shown up to whisk all of them away, never to be heard from again."

***CCC***

Kate walked into the laundry room with the basket from Lily's room. She still couldn't believe the amount of dirty laundry her small daughter could create in one 24-hour period. She dirtied more clothes in a day than she and Castle created in a week. She had just started the machine when she heard the door close in the living room. Knowing that Castle wasn't due home just yet, her heart began to pound in her chest. "Katherine? Richard?" Kate relaxed when she heard Martha's voice.

"I'm in the laundry room, Martha!" Kate called out.

"Oh, hello, my darling," Martha embraced Kate, kissing her on the cheek. "Lily's laundry?"

"Yes. We have to wash clothes every day. She either spits up on it, pees on it, or poops on it. My father was right when he said that babies are messy little creatures."

"When Richard was a baby, I didn't even have a machine. I had to haul everything to the laundromat. I could only afford to go once a week, so I always had a mountain of clothes. Where is my son and granddaughter?"

"Rick had an appointment with Dr. Burke and Lily is asleep. Come on, I'll make coffee," Kate left the laundromat with Martha at her side.

"Is it all right for you to drink coffee while you're nursing?" Martha took a seat at the counter.

"I can have two or three cups. I'm staying on the same coffee schedule I was on when I was pregnant. I have one cup in the morning and another cup in the afternoon. I Googled it and I asked Dr. George. Both assured me that it's perfectly okay." Kate started the coffee brewing before coming back around to sit beside Martha. "I'm glad that you're here. Castle has told me a lot of stories about raising Alexis, but was he exaggerating when he said that he did everything when Alexis was a baby?"

"I hired a baby nurse as a gift since Meredith was recuperating from a C-section. But, after the nurse left when Alexis was two weeks old, I rarely saw Meredith give her a bottle and I _never_ saw her change a diaper. Meredith has always treated Alexis like a doll. Do you remember when you had dolls?" Kate nodded. "You'd dress the doll up and play with it for a while, but when you got tired of playing, you simply put the doll back on a shelf or in your toy box. That's all that Alexis was to Meredith; a living, breathing baby doll. She wanted to play with her or show her off to her friends. But, when Alexis was hungry, tired, or needed to be changed, Meredith passed her off to Richard. Why are you asking?"

"Because I think he feels left out. I'm nursing, so Rick doesn't get to give her a bottle. We hear her on the baby monitor, and it feels like we race to see who can get to her first. Martha, I don't want him to feel left out. He's a wonderful father. I want him to experience everything with Lily that he did with Alexis."

"Kate, there are other ways for him to get involved in Lily's care. Believe me, he's not feeling left out. When I talk to him on the phone, you can hear the pride and the love in his voice when he talks about Lily. But, Kate, I especially hear the love that he has for you and Lily. I hear how proud he is of you."

"I'm proud of him, too," Kate smiled. "We had Lily in bed with us the other night before I nursed her. We had her lying on the bed between us, and Castle had the biggest smile on his face. I see the way that he looks at me when I'm feeding her, and it makes me feel so . . . special."

"That's because you are special to him. Richard will find ways to take care of Lily. Don't you worry about it."

"I sit here and think about the fact that I've probably bought Dr. Burke a car, a boat, and maybe even a house in the Hamptons when all I needed to do was talk to you," Kate bit her lip, smiling at her mother-in-law.

"Kiddo, the first thing that I learned about having a baby was they don't come with an owner's manual and they're not one size fits all. While Lily is the most amazing baby ever, your next child might very well be the reincarnation of Damien from 'The Omen.'"

"Castle said the same thing," Kate laughed, at the very moment that they heard Lily's first cries over the baby monitor. "Let me go and get your granddaughter."

Martha sat at the counter, smiling while she listened to Kate talking to Lily. She didn't often give thanks for many things, but she was always so grateful that the police detective had entered her son's life. And she was especially thankful for her new granddaughter.

"Say 'hello' to Grams, Lily," Kate came out of the bedroom with Lily in the crook of her arm.

"Hello, sweetheart," Martha took the baby, holding her in both arms so that Lily could look at her.

Kate sat down, watching Martha interact with the baby. They had all noticed that Lily seemed fascinated by her grandmother. Alexis had explained that it had to do with Martha's red hair and brightly colored attire. "She's so observant," Kate said.

"Maybe she'll be a detective like her mother."

"Or a writer, like her father," Kate added.

They looked over when they heard a key in the door. Kate smiled when Castle walked in. "Hey, babe," Kate greeted, smiling when he walked over and kissed her.

"Hello, Mother," Rick kissed his mother on the cheek before turning his attention to Lily. "Hello, my gorgeous progeny."

Lily kicked tiny legs when she heard her father's voice. "She wants to see her daddy," Martha handed the baby over to Rick.

"She hasn't eaten, yet. I'll nurse her before I leave for my appointment. How was your session?" Kate asked.

"It was good," Castle smiled down at the baby. "Are you feeling better?"

"I talked some things out with Martha, but I think I should still see Burke to iron out some things. I can take Lily—"

"No, I've got her. We'll be fine. Kate, please?"

"Okay. Let me nurse her, so she'll be good for two or three hours."

"Okay," he returned the baby to Kate, watching her leave the room to go feed their daughter. Once she was out of earshot, he turned toward his mother. "Kate knows that I raised Alexis. Why doesn't she trust me with Lily?"

"Darling, Kate trusts you with Lily's life. She's a new mother; she's still trying to wade through the waters of pregnancy hormones. We'll talk more in a little while."

Kate was rocking Lily, smiling as the baby hungrily nursed. "There is nothing wrong with your appetite," she looked over and smiled at Castle, who was lounging in the doorway. "Your mother is wonderful, Castle."

"In what way?" He walked over and sat on the ottoman next to the rocker.

"I know that you must feel so left out—"

"Kate—" he interrupted her.

"No, hear me out," she gently patted Lily's diapered behind when the baby momentarily stopped nursing. The patting seemed to soothe the baby, who went back to the task at hand. "You were the one who fed Alexis; who clothed her; who made sure that she was safe. I'm the one responsible for making sure that Lily is fed. But, Rick, you're responsible for everything else. I know that you'll always make sure that Lily's safe."

"This is hard," he admitted. "Dr. Burke reminded me today that I'm not sharing Lily with you. He said that you're completely committed to me and to her," he smiled at the baby, who'd let out a grunt of protest when Kate switched breasts. "I'm trying to work through the idea that I'm not alone this time."

"I know. But, all of this is new to me, Rick. I've never carried a baby, let alone given birth to one. Your mother reminded me a little while ago that they don't come with owner's manuals."

"If Lily doesn't end up on Burke's couch by her third birthday, I'll consider her a success story. Speaking of Lily, I thought that I was the only person allowed to fall asleep on your boobs," he nodded at the baby, who had fallen asleep.

"Wake up, Lily," Kate flicked the bottom of her feet. "Daddy needs to burp you so that mommy can get ready to see her doctor."

"I think while you're gone, I'll give her a nice, warm bath and read her a story."

"Castle, she's 20 days old. I don't think she's going to understand your stories."

"It's a good habit to start her on. I started reading to Alexis when she was just a few months old."

"She does like the sound of your voice," Kate smiled. "So do I."

"Just for that, I have to kiss you," he stood up and kissed her before taking the drowsy baby from her arms.

***CCC***

"What happened this morning?" Dr. Burke opened his and Kate's session. "You were seeing me next week, anyway. What happened?"

"It seems silly now. After I made the appointment and Castle left to come see you, Martha came over. We had a long talk about the things that were bothering me. And then, I talked to Rick when he came home about the same thing. You have kids, right?"

"Four of them," he confirmed.

"How do you manage to share responsibility for them?"

"Well, if you were to ask my wife that question, I don't. When my oldest son was little, I was struggling to build my practice. There were days when I asked when we had time to create four kids," Kate smiled at that. "You are going to miss things, Kate. That can't be helped. The important thing is you always make your children feel that you love them and will do anything for them. I think that you and Rick are both facing the same fears."

"I know he worries about having to do this alone, again. That isn't going to happen."

"But, you don't know that. I know that you would never intentionally leave him to raise Lily on his own; but life happens. You both got a bitter taste of that last spring," he said, referring to the attack in their home.

"While I'm here, there is something that I do want to talk about. When should I return to work?"

"Well, at this point, I still don't feel that you're ready to return to work."

"I know that. I've got a baby at home who definitely still needs me."

"That's not what I'm talking about, Kate. Even if you didn't have Lily, I still wouldn't feel comfortable clearing you to return to duty. We still have a long way to go. And with the hearings starting soon, I'm not about to clear you. Those hearings are going to bring up a lot of feelings that neither you nor Rick have even begun to face. One day soon, we're going to have to start talking about the events of that morning and the aftermath."

***CCC***

Castle was standing in the kitchen, bathing Lily in the baby bathtub that had once belonged to her big sister. He took a soft cloth and gently rubbed it over her tiny head, wetting her dark hair before squeezing a dollop of baby soap on top of her head and massaging it in. Lily liked her baths except for the part where her face got washed. Castle rinsed her hair before rinsing out the cloth, squeezing the excess water from it. "Here it comes, baby girl. You're least favorite part," he began to wash Lily's face as she protested vigorously with loud wails. "Hey, that wasn't so bad. You're all done and you survived one more face washing," he scooped her out and wrapped her in a terry cloth towel before carrying her to her bedroom where he placed her on the changing table.

After slathering her with baby lotion and dressing her, he carried her into the living room, settling in his recliner with her and picking up a copy of Dr. Seuss' "Fox in Sox." "Alexis loved this book when she was little and so will you," he opened the book and began to read.

Castle had finished the book and was enjoying quiet time with Lily when Kate got home. "I think you're just in time. She's been rooting around on me and trying to get her thumb in her mouth. How was your session?"

"Interesting. Let me change and I'll nurse her."

"You hear that?" He turned to Lily, who was starting to fuss. "Mommy's going to feed you."

Kate returned moments later wearing a loose button-down shirt. "Oh, she smells so good," she smiled, inhaling the baby.

"I'll go to the bedroom with you."

"No, I can nurse her out here. I just have to get comfortable. Did you eat?"

"No. I thought I'd cook something after you put her down," he watched Kate unbutton the blouse and get Lily situated.

"Burke said that if I didn't have Lily, he still wouldn't clear me to return to duty. Castle, I feel fine."

"Kate, I know that we both feel fine, but we both know that we're not," he moved over to the sofa, sitting beside her. "We still have nightmares; flashbacks; other forms of PTSD that we're not really dealing with. For the past nine months, we've been focusing on getting her here. Now that she's here, we need to start thinking about our emotional scars."

"Burke said almost the same thing. The hearings are going to bring all those healing scabs to the surface and rip them wide opened. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to face Wood, Flynn, and all the other players. I also wonder if there are others out there still mixed up in this."

"I try not to think about that. I do know this much. If there are others, we have to let it go. We have too much at stake now," he nodded toward their daughter.

"I agree."

"We got Bracken," he took her hand, lacing his fingers in hers. "We put your mother's case to rest. From here on out, we have to make things about us and getting justice for others who can't find it. It's what you're good at."

"You're not so bad at that, yourself," she leaned in and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you, too. To the next chapters, then?" He arched an eyebrow at her.

"To the next chapters," she echoed.

 **A/N #3: Regarding Castle's first two marriages, we don't know how long either of them lasted. But, from the way he acted toward Gina in 'Flowers for Your Grave,' I believe their divorce was recent.**

 **A/N #4: 'Fox in Sox' is my favorite Dr. Seuss book.**

 **A/N #5: This concludes Part 2. Part 3 will wrap up LokSat before I move on.**

 **Follow me:**

 **Twitter: at Caskett1960**

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 **Facebook: Wylie dot Cindy at Yahoo dot com.**


	33. Telling the Story: Kate's Side

**A/N #1: I feel the need to address something. This is part of a review that I received from a guest reviewer: 'Why do you start stories and then leave the reader hanging for months?' It goes on before concluding: 'I hope you and your family are all right; how ever I do not understand having an entry for the Summer Fan Fiction and just stopping.' First off, you make it sound like I have millions of unfinished stories on this site. I have two. It was** _ **never**_ **my intent to start a story and not complete it. I suffer from depression. This depression affects my ability to write. You do not know me. You do not know the struggles that I have. This depression was made worse by writer's block. By adding chapters to 'All the Songs Make Sense,' I was working my way through this writer's block.**

 **As to your second review (I know that you sent both reviews), I have not forgotten about 'Forgetting.' That story has been on my mind every day since I stopped writing at the beginning of the summer. I also want it known that continuing this story has nothing to do with these two reviews. I won't be bullied by reviewers. I have been working with my muses, who have given me wonderful ideas for continuing the story. I will continue working on 'Forgetting.' As for the other story, right now I'm considering pulling it from the site. I know that everybody has been anxiously waiting for me to continue and I really want to; but I can no longer work on more than one story at a time. And, it's not fair to keep an unfinished story on the site when I've always said that I would never be one of those authors'.**

 **With that being said, here is the newest chapter of 'Forgetting.' I hope everybody enjoys it and I apologize for being so long winded. I'm just tired of defending myself. It makes me understand why some 'Castle' fan fiction writers have stopped writing. We don't do this to be attacked. We do this because we want to share our gift with other people. And, like I've said many times before; if you don't like my story, there are more than 20,000 other stories under the 'Castle' heading. Maybe you can find one of those that you will like.**

 **A/N #2: Part Three will hopefully wrap up the LokSat story line. I'm figuring on this part to**

 **be around eight to ten chapters long. There will be one more part and an epilogue after that.**

 **A/N #3: I apologize if this chapter is confusing. This is how I often felt while watching Season 8.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **PART THREE**

 **CHAPTER 33: Telling the Story: Kate's Side**

 _February_

Castle was sitting up in bed, working on the new book while Kate slept at his side, one hand resting on his leg. She'd been asleep since shortly after nursing Lily a few hours earlier. He glanced at the baby monitor to his right, smiling at the sight of his six-week-old daughter's sleeping form in her crib. He loved the video monitor. They could take it anywhere in the loft and still be able to keep an eagle eye on the baby.

Keeping his family secure meant everything to both Rick and Kate; especially in light of the developments of the past week. They had both been led to believe that there would be a trial, or, at the very least, hearings, regarding LokSat. But the District Attorney had contacted them a week earlier to tell them that the grand jury had been meeting for the past few months, and they were now ready to start hearing evidence regarding LokSat.

Kate was scheduled to testify at the end of the week, and Castle knew he would be testifying after that. He'd never been in front of a grand jury, so he wasn't sure what to expect. Kate had told him it was a lot different than testifying in open court. There was no judge and no defense attorney. The only person asking questions would be the prosecuting attorney.

Castle was cool with that. He remembered too well the last time he'd testified in court. It had been a disaster, but had also resulted in an innocent woman being exonerated. He looked over at the monitor when he heard the first sounds of displeasure coming from Lily. He looked at Kate, who was still asleep before smiling and placing his laptop aside.

Lily was in full voice when Castle walked into the bedroom. "Hey, Lily-Pad," he whispered before scooping the baby up and taking her over to the changing table. "Let's let mommy sleep for a little while longer, okay? How about some snuggle time with daddy? Does that sound okay to you?"

Castle expertly changed her diaper, putting her in a clean sleeper before lifting her into his arms. He smiled when she gave him a grin. She had been smiling a lot of late and her smiles reminded him so much of Kate's smile. Her baby blue eyes were slowly changing into the same shade of brown as her mother's. "Come on, sweetie," he carefully placed Lily against his shoulder before returning to the bedroom and climbing back into bed next to Kate. He then picked up a pacifier from his nightstand and placed it into Lily's mouth, holding it in place until he felt her start to suck on the rubber nipple. He then rested against the headboard and slowly rubbed her back, feeling her settle against him, her tiny body tucking up.

Kate opened her eyes and smiled at the sight of Castle cuddling their baby daughter. "I didn't even hear her wake up," she whispered, struggling to sit up.

"We wanted to let you sleep a while longer."

"She's so happy, Castle. I love that we made such a happy baby."

"She's happy now. She wasn't so happy when she woke up."

"She doesn't like having a wet diaper. Let me go to the bathroom and then I'll take her."

After going to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to get a glass of water, Kate returned to bed, climbing back in beside Castle. Instead of taking Lily, she rested against Castle's shoulder, smiling at Lily, who remained snuggled happily on her daddy's chest. "What is she doing?" Castle asked.

"Watching me. But, she's happy snuggling with daddy. And, there goes the scrunchy face," Kate laughed when Lily's face puckered up and she began to cry.

"She heard your voice," Castle laughed, handing the baby over to Kate.

"Hey, Lily-Pad," Kate placed kisses all over Lily's face. "Are you ready for a late-night snack?"

Kate got situated before lowering the loose t-shirt that she was wearing. Once Lily latched on, she looked over at Castle, smiling when he stifled a yawn. "You look tired," she observed. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll get her squared away."

"I can wait until after she's burped. How long do you think you'll be in front of the grand jury?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"If it's more than a few hours, aren't you going to get uncomfortable?"

"I'll talk to the D.A. He knows that we have a newborn. It'll be okay, Castle." She smiled down at Lily, who was hungrily nursing, with one tiny hand on her breast. "I love her so much."

"I told you that it was going to be great," he grinned. "When do you want to do it again?"

"Seriously?"

"Well, you said it yourself that you don't want to wait too long."

"Castle, she's brand new. Let's revisit this conversation in a year. Were you upset that Meredith didn't want another baby?"

"No," he straightened up. "There were times when Alexis barely knew who she was. I couldn't put another child through that."

"Lily will always know who I am," Kate's voice choked up.

"I know. I didn't mean to upset you."

Lily let out a squeak of protest when Kate switched breasts. "You emptied that one, silly-dilly. Her squeaks are so cute."

"Your dad calls her Mouse. Have you noticed?"

"Yeah. I'm nervous, Castle."

"Nervous about what? The grand jury?" She nodded. "Don't be. Just answer the questions. It'll be fine."

"I haven't thought about that morning in a while. I've just been focused on getting Lily here. I don't like thinking about that morning."

"Kate, this is the home stretch. Hopefully, we can put this away soon. Do you think Wood and the others will make a deal?"

"No. Right now, they don't even know that the grand jury is in session. The D.A. isn't required to let them know."

"Is that good or not?"

"It's good because they aren't able to intimidate witnesses."

"What happens if they don't return an indictment? Will they be released?"

"Yeah. But, that's not going to happen," she looked back down at Lily, who was still hungrily nursing. "She eats like the milk supply is going to be cut off," she laughed.

"How do you that's not going to happen? Kate, it happens all the time. Grand juries don't always get it right. We don't even have proof that any of them hired Caleb to kill us."

"Rick, I don't want to have this conversation now," she looked at him, her whole body tensing up, which caused Lily to detach from her breast, letting out a wail of protest. "Shh," Kate soothed her, urging her to latch back on. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," he threw back the covers on his side of the bed and got up.

"Where are you going?" She called after him, sighing when he didn't answer her. She once again looked at her daughter, who was once again eating. "Lily, we have to put this behind us. We can't raise you in a world where LokSat is allowed to run free."

After nursing her, Kate burped her before taking her to the nursery, where she changed her diaper and put her in her crib, covering her with a comforter before going in search of Rick. Checking his office first and finding it empty, she headed for the living room. Walking through, she found the sliding doors to the patio opened. She walked outside into the frigid February night and found Castle standing at the railing, staring out into the night sky. "I'm sorry," she stepped up next to him and reached for his hand. "I know that grand juries don't always get it right, but the things that we do know are ironclad. Mason Wood kidnapped me," she ticked off on her fingers, "Flynn was holding me captive in that house; Flynn tortured you; and Wood almost killed both of us. Those things are ironclad."

"Then, why the grand jury? Why not just go before a judge and present the evidence that he has?"

"Because, if the grand jury comes back with an indictment, this can go right to trial. We won't have to sit through months of motions and preliminary hearings and bail hearings. It can go to trial and it can be over. Then we can get our lives back."

"It's already been almost a year," he reminded her. "Why did it take the D.A. so long to decide to take it before a grand jury? Why didn't he make the decision last summer while we were out of the country?"

"He told me that the main reason was the pregnancy. He said that the decision was made to not put me through that kind of stress while I was pregnant. And, Castle, we were both still healing emotionally. We still are."

"There's one thing that is still bothering me—"

"Can we take this back inside?" She smiled. "It's freezing out here."

"Yeah," he led her back inside and closed the door before locking it and arming the alarm on the wall. "Have you ever wondered who forced me off the road on our original wedding day?"

"I think about it sometimes. We know it's all tied to this, but I don't think we're ever going to find out how."

"The more questions we uncover, the more questions get raised. It's never going to end."

"Babe, I know that we're always going to wonder what happened that day, but I think it's one of those things that we need to let go. We got you back, and that's all that matters to me. Come on, let's go back to bed," she gave him a beguiling smile before once again taking his hand and leading him back to their bedroom.

***CCC***

"Good morning, Captain Beckett," District Attorney Brian Halloran greeted her with a firm handshake. "I realize that you have a young baby at home, so you'll testify for two and a half or three hours this morning, take a two-hour break, and come back this afternoon. Hopefully, we can get your testimony wrapped up today. How do you feel?"

"Nervous, but I'm ready to get this wrapped up."

"Just remember that I'm the only one in there asking questions. The defendants aren't there and neither are their attorney's. They also won't know what you've testified to. Have you ever testified before a grand jury before?"

"No."

"You're going to be fine."

"I hope so," Kate took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

An hour later, Kate was called to the stand. She smoothed down the front of the blouse that she was wearing and looked over at the men and women sitting to her right. She was sworn in before taking her seat. "Good morning, Ms. Beckett," D.A. Halloran stood up and walked toward the stand. "We have a lot of ground to cover, but if you need a break, just let me know and we'll recess. Can you state your name and spell it, please?"

"Katherine Beckett. K-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e B-e-c-k-e-t-t."

"What is your occupation?"

"I'm a police captain at the 12th Precinct."

"How long have you been a captain?"

"Almost two years."

"How long have you been a police officer?"

"Seventeen years."

"Let me take you back to the morning of November 11, 2016. What do you remember of that morning?"

"I don't remember much. I got a text from a colleague and that's the last thing that I remember of that particular day."

"What happened to you?"

"I was abducted."

"Tell us about the person who abducted you."

"His name is Mason Wood."

"Had you ever met him before?"

"No."

"Do you know why he abducted you?"

"Not for several months."

"Did you ever see Mason Wood during your abduction?"

"No."

"Was there another person holding you captive?"

"Yes. A man named Mr. Flynn."

"What did Mr. Flynn tell you?"

"When I regained consciousness, I couldn't remember anything. Mr. Flynn told me that he was in protective custody because he was testifying against the mob. He had me convinced that I was the officer who was protecting him in the safe house."

"When did you realize that he was lying to you?"

"There were red flags, a lot of them. Flynn knew the alarm code for the safe house; there was never another officer in the house, and he was the only person allowed to use the phone."

"You tried to call your precinct?"

"I tried to call my captain. I got through to one of my colleagues and then the phone went dead."

"What happened when Mr. Flynn caught you on the telephone?"

"He got angry, and then . . . something hit me."

"Do you know what hit you?"

"It was a taser. It knocked me out. I woke up in an SUV heading back to Manhattan."

"They let you go?"

"Yes."

"Where did the SUV drop you off?"

"At my precinct. I collapsed when I got to the homicide unit."

"How long were you missing?"

"Twenty-eight days."

"Tell us about your recovery."

"Mr. Flynn or Mason Wood, one of the two, had given me something that erased a lot of my memory. When I was returned, I had lost seven years of my life. I lost so many things that had happened to me over that period of time."

"Are you okay? Do you need a break?"

"I'm okay."

"I'm going to switch tactics slightly. Who or what is LokSat?"

"I didn't remember anything about LokSat for a few months after my return. I was told that I had gone on the run for two days a couple of months before my abduction with a man named Vikram Singh."

"Why were you on the run?" 

"Someone was trying to kill the two of us. It had something to do with a search I had done while working for the Attorney General's office."

"Who or what were you doing a search on?"

"Former Senator William Bracken."

"Why were you searching for information on Sen. Bracken?"

"Because he had contracted a killer to murder my mother. I was looking for associates of his."

"What did you learn regarding that search?"

"That someone named LokSat was involved."

"Why did Mr. Singh contact you?"

"He was an analyst with the AG's office. He contacted me with an emergency alert protocol seven."

"Can you explain what an emergency alert protocol seven means?"

"It means that it's a matter of life or death."

"What happened during those two days with Mr. Singh?"

"We were targeted by assassins."

"Do you know who hired them?"

"Not at that time."

"Did you find out later who hired them?"

"Yes."

"And, who was that?"

"LokSat."

"When did you discover the identity of LokSat?"

"On May 16, 2016."

"Let's take a break," Halloran announced, sensing that Kate needed one. "We'll reconvene this afternoon at two o'clock." He followed Kate out into the corridor, watching her put on her coat, hat, and gloves. "When we come back this afternoon, I'm going to backtrack a bit. But, for right now, go home and enjoy your baby. I'll see you later."

"Okay."

Castle was in his office writing while Lily slept in her travel bed next to his desk. He'd given her a bottle almost an hour and a half before. He'd just received a text from Kate saying that she was on her way home for lunch. He checked on the baby before getting up and going to the kitchen, grabbing the video monitor on the way.

His phone rang while he was in the kitchen looking for something to make for lunch. He checked the caller id and saw that it was Ryan. "Hey, Kevin," Castle opened the refrigerator.

"Castle, I was trying to call Beckett, but my call went to voice mail. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, she had an errand today. What's going on?"

"We were just wondering if everything is still set up for Lily's Christening. It's still this Sunday, right?"

"Sunday morning at 10 o'clock," Castle confirmed.

"And, the priest is okay with Lily having two godfathers?"

"Unless you and Espo want to decide by rock-paper-scissors," Castle teased. "Or, as you guys like to call it, knife-gun-Kevlar."

"Two godfathers it is, then. Say 'hi' to Beckett and kiss Lily for me."

"Will do," Castle ended the call just as the door opened and Kate walked in. "Hi," he walked over and enfolded her into his arms, feeling her wrap around him. "Are you hungry?"

"No," her voice was muffled against his neck. "Is Lily?"

"No, but she should be awake soon. What time do you have to be back?"

"Two," she pulled back and kissed him. "What did you do while I was gone?"

"Paid some bills, watched some TV, fed Lily, gave her a bath, played a little. Then, I gave her a bottle, and rocked her to sleep. I think she likes you better than me."

"Castle, Lily loves you. She's just used to me rocking her. Did you hum to her?"

"No."

"You have to hum. It calms her."

"I'll make a note of that. How about some soup? You should eat something before you go back," he began walking back to the kitchen, but Kate pulled on his hand, stopping him. "What? You don't want soup?"

"How long before the baby wakes up?" She reached out and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"About half an hour, maybe 45 minutes."

"I need you," she kissed him again.

"Then, you've got me."

***CCC***

Kate arrived back at the courthouse with minutes to spare. Making love to Rick had helped calm down her raging thoughts. She now knew that she could face whatever Halloran threw at her that afternoon. "Kate, are you ready to go back?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

Halloran recalled Kate to the stand and reminded her that she was under oath before he approached her once again. "Before we get into the events of May 16 and 17, 2016, let me ask you about Caleb Brown. Who was he?"

"Caleb Brown was the attorney who was hired to represent Vikram Singh after we arrested him for his part in my abduction."

"How did you learn that Vikram Singh was involved in your abduction?"

"He brought food to the safehouse one night. He'd told my team that he had no idea where I was after I was taken."

"Who hired Caleb Brown to represent Mr. Singh?"

"We never found out, but we suspected that it was LokSat."

"At any point, did you have a conversation with Mr. Brown?"

"Yes."

"What happened after that conversation?"

"I made an attempt to remind him that at one time he was a good guy; that he was on our side. I gave him a deadline to try to make things right."

"Did he?"

"At first, I didn't think so. But when my husband and I returned to our apartment that night, Caleb Brown was inside, waiting for us."

"He had illegally entered your home?"

"Yes."

"What night was this?"

"I'm not sure of the exact date, but it was in late April."

"What did Mr. Brown say to you?"

"He told me and my husband that he didn't know of LokSat's identity, but he received a call on a burner phone with orders to meet at the northernmost corner of Astor Park on the third Monday of every month at 9 a.m. He gave me the phone with hopes that we could have somebody there who could trace the call."

"Was that the last time that you ever saw Caleb Brown?"

"No," Kate's voice wavered slightly.

"Kate, do you need a break?"

"No," she quickly shook her head.

"When was the next time that you saw Caleb Brown?"

"On the morning of May 17, 2016."

Seeing that his witness couldn't take any more that day, Halloran called a recess until the following morning. "You did great, Kate," he complimented her as they walked out of the room toward the elevator. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know. It's hard to relive it. My husband . . . Rick . . . he has an even rougher time."

"I know. All I can tell you is my line of questioning for Mr. Castle is going to be different. Go home and get some rest. We'll wrap everything up tomorrow and then next week, I'll be calling Rick."

Later that night, Kate was curled tightly into Rick's side as he once again busied himself with his writing. He found himself continuously glancing down at her while she slept. She'd been quiet since returning home from the hearings late the previous afternoon. She hadn't said much and had gone to bed almost as soon as she put Lily down shortly after eleven. But, her sleep was restless. He felt her grip his t-shirt, crying out softly in her sleep. Castle set his laptop aside, ready to wake her up when she screamed out his name. "Rick!"

"I'm right here," he pulled her close, feeling her shaking with sobs. "Kate, it's okay. I'm here. We're safe."

"I thought you were dead," she choked out. "When I came out of the bedroom, and you were on the floor—"

"I know. I thought that I was dead, too. And, I would've been, if you hadn't shot him. You saved my life, Kate."

"I'm not ready, Castle," tears streamed down her face. "I'm not ready to talk about it."

"I know. I'm not ready, either. But, if we don't talk about it, they could walk. And, if they walk, we're going to have to run. Because, we can't expose Lily to them."

"No, we can't," she agreed. "I love you."

"I love you, too. You're going to be great," he moved her so that she was laying against his side, his arm wrapping around her protectively. "Do you know why you're going to be great?"

"Why?"

"Because you're extraordinary."

"I thought you were going to say because I'm tall."

"Well, that, too."

The next morning, Halloran was shocked when he saw Kate's appearance. "Are you okay?" He noted the dark circles under her eyes.

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

"I'll try to get you through the rest of your testimony this morning. That way, you can go home and relax."

"Mr. Halloran, I haven't 'relaxed' since May of 2016."

"I'm sorry. That was a poor choice of phrasing on my part."

A few minutes later, Kate was once again on the stand, preparing to relive the most terrifying 24 hours of her life. "Good morning, Capt. Beckett," Halloran greeted her.

"Good morning."

"Did you ever discover the identity of the person that you knew as 'LokSat?'"

"Yes."

"And, when was that?"

"On the night of May 16, 2016."

"Can you tell us about that night?"

"On the evening of May 16, 2016, I received a phone call from a man named Mason Wood. He told me that he had a contact who had information regarding LokSat. He went on to tell me that this person would only talk to him."

"Did he talk to this witness?"

"No. I told him that I needed to interview this person, and he agreed."

"You met with Mr. Wood and this witness?"

"No. Mr. Wood arranged to pick me up and he then drove me to a building for the meeting."

"Had you or any of your colleagues met with Mr. Wood before?"

"I hadn't, but Detectives Ryan and Esposito had met him a few months earlier when we were investigating the supposed death of Vikram Singh."

"What happened when you met with Mr. Wood?"

"What happened actually happened when he called me earlier."

"And, what happened when he called you?"

"While I was talking to him, I came to realize that he was LokSat."

"How did you know that?"

"Because, my husband was missing. Castle had an appointment with his publisher that morning, but he was supposed to come to the precinct afterward. He never arrived and I was never able to get in touch with him. The call was too much of a coincidence, coming when it did."

"Captain Beckett, maybe you can explain to the members of this grand jury who aren't police officers why you were instantly so suspicious."

"After I returned home following my abduction, we found listening devices in our home and in my husband's private investigation offices. We felt that LokSat's goal, or Mr. Wood's goal, was to separate us at some point in time in order to eliminate the threat."

"Okay. Let's go back to when you met Mr. Wood. Did you confront him?"

"Not immediately."

"When did you confront him?"

"When we arrived at the destination where we were to interview the witness. I pulled my service weapon on him and he activated an electromagnet in the ceiling, disarming me." 

"Was he surprised that you knew who he was?"

"He didn't seem to be."

"What happened next?"

Kate took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly before picking up the water glass to her right and taking a sip from it. "He told me that Castle was dead; that he was in the incinerator directly in front of where I was standing."

"And then what?"

"I told him that he wasn't going to kill me; not without a fight. That was when Castle showed up. It distracted Wood enough for me to take him down."

"Do you need a break before we move on to the events of May 17, 2016?"

"No. I need to get this over with."

"I know that there were news conferences and debriefings all night on the night of May 16. Am I correct?"

"Yes."

"What time were you finally able to go home?"

"It was after seven on the morning of May 17."

"What happened when you got home?"

"I went to change clothes and Castle went to cook us breakfast."

"Explain what happened next."

"I was in our bedroom and I heard Castle ask me a question."

"What did he ask you?"

"I don't remember. He said—"

"No, you can't testify to what he said he told you."

"I'm sorry."

"What happened after he asked you the question?"

"I heard a thud, and then I thought that I heard someone else talking. I got my off-duty weapon and walked out of the bedroom. I could see Castle laying on the kitchen floor and then I saw Caleb Brown standing over him, preparing to shoot him. I called out for Castle," her breathing hitched.

"Kate, do you need a break?"

"No," she quickly shook her head. "Caleb Brown turned and fired at me. I shot back at him."

"Did you hit him?"

"Yes. He fell in the kitchen. I didn't know he'd shot me until after he fell."

"How many times were you and your husband shot?"

"Castle was shot once and I was shot twice."

"Are you sure that it was Caleb Brown who shot you?"

"Yes."

"Do you know who hired Mr. Brown to make the attempt on your lives?"

"No. I think about it every day, but I don't have any answers."

Halloran dismissed Kate from the witness stand and she gratefully stepped out of the room, stopping in surprise when she saw Castle standing right outside. "I thought you could use the moral support," he said simply when she smiled and walked into his arms.

"Where's Lily?"

"She's home with Alexis. Are you okay?"

"I am, now," she touched his face, pressing up to kiss him. "Thank you."

"Always," he said, watching her smile widen.

"Mr. Castle, this is a surprise," Mr. Halloran came out of the room, carrying his briefcase.

"I thought that Kate could use the support."

"I'm glad that you're here. I was planning on calling you later. Could we meet on Monday morning to discuss some of your testimony?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good. I have a couple of witnesses before I call you, so it won't take very long. Is eight o'clock on Monday morning all right with you?"

"That's fine."

"Good. I look forward to seeing you then."

"Come on, let's go home," Castle slipped his arm around Kate's waist and guided her to the elevator.

Alexis was sitting on the sofa, giving Lily a bottle when her dad and Kate entered the apartment. "There's my baby," Kate walked over, sitting beside Alexis.

"She just woke up. Do you want to finish feeding her?"

"No, she's fine. I'll take her after she's had her bottle."

"Father Riley called and so did the caterers. They wanted to go over the menu for the brunch on Sunday after Lily's Christening. Father Riley was just calling to confirm the time."

"Castle, you call the caterer while I call the priest," Kate said, getting up and taking out her cell phone.

***CCC***

Sunday morning was a joyous occasion for the Castle's, their extended family, and friends. Jim Beckett smiled proudly when Kate came out of the ladies' restroom, carrying Lily, who was dressed in the long ivory gown that had been worn by three generations of Beckett's. "Look at her," he beamed when Kate handed her over to him. "Hi, little Mouse." He laughed when Lily gave him a wide grin.

"That nickname is cute now, dad, but she's going to hate it when she's 12," Kate warned him.

"Katie, thank you for doing this. I'm not a huge church goer, but your mother was big on traditions and this was one I wanted to make sure that I kept."

"It's not a problem. I figured having a cop as a mom, Lily needs all the protection she can get."

"Little Katie Beckett," Kate smiled when Father Riley walked up to her and Jim, followed by Castle. "I've been regaling your husband here with all sorts of stories from your childhood."

"He does not need any more stories of my childhood," Kate smiled at her husband.

"I want to see the pictures of her first communion," Castle told Jim.

"I've got them at home."

"So, this is the lucky little lady who is going to have three godparents," the priest smiled at Lily. "Are we ready to begin?"

After the Christening and having pictures taken with every person there, they made their way to the loft where the caterers were setting up under the eagle-eye of Castle's long-time housekeeper, Alicia. "Alicia, it looks wonderful," Castle complimented her. "Thank you for helping with this. I just . . . Kate and I didn't want strangers—"

"I understand, Mr. Rick."

"Rick, I'm going to change Lily and feed her. Go ahead and let everybody start serving themselves. I'll be back in a little while."

After changing and nursing Lily, Kate brought her back out so that their family and friends could enjoy time with her. Chief Gates walked over to where Kate was chatting with Martha and her father. "It was a beautiful ceremony, Kate. Thank you for inviting us."

"Thank you for coming. Would you like to hold Lily?"

"She won't throw a fit?"

"She hasn't entered that 'fear of strangers' phase, yet. She's like her father. She loves the attention," Kate whispered.

"In that case, I would love to hold her," Gates said as Kate passed the baby over to her. "Have you given any thought to when you're coming back to work? Or, are you going to come back?"

"I want to come back," Kate smiled at Lily, who was staring at the chief with huge eyes. "My therapist hasn't cleared me. According to him, I'm still working through some issues. My leave ends in May."

"The department will give you as much time as you need. Take your time. I'm not trying to rush you. Your team is in good hands."

"Can I ask you something? Have you heard anything from the DOJ?"

"No. Why?"

"What happens if they don't get indicted?"

"Beckett, I don't want you to worry about that right now. Does anybody else know what's going on?"

"No. We were told not to say anything about . . . that," she said, referring to the grand jury.

"You'd better take her," Gates passed the baby back to Kate. "Focus on her. Don't worry about everything else. Okay?"

"Yes, sir," Kate smiled, glancing down at the baby. "That sounds like great advice to me."

Kate looked across the room to where Castle was chatting with the boys. She started walking toward him when Alexis stopped her. "Kate, Paige and Taylor want to see Lily. Is it all right—"

"Yes, of course," Kate passed the baby over to Alexis. "She's probably getting tired, so she might start fussing."

"I'll bring her back to you when she does," Alexis promised, walking back over to join her friends.

Kate walked over and leaned into Castle, who stopped talking to beam at her. "Where's Lily?" He asked.

"Alexis commandeered her. Her friends wanted to see her."

"Have you eaten?"

"Not yet."

"Stay here. I'll fix you a plate," he walked toward the table where the buffet was set up.

"We miss you at work, Beckett," Ryan told her.

"I miss being there. Hopefully, I'll be back soon."

"Yeah, the Beckett-flavored cases aren't the same without you and Castle," Espo added. "Did we tell you about the lady who killed her old man with a dentists' drill?"

"Lanie told me," Kate laughed.

"Here you go," Castle returned, handing Kate a plate with thinly sliced roast beef, cold smoked salmon, roasted potatoes and asparagus.

"Thank you."

She'd just started eating when she heard the loud wails of her daughter. "I've got her," Castle told her, walking over to get the baby from Alexis.

"Jenny said she hasn't eaten a full meal since the day she had Sarah-Grace. She said it's something that you get used to."

"I'm sorry that she couldn't stay for the party."

"The sitter couldn't stay long and we didn't want Sarah-Grace running around the place. She's a one-woman wrecking crew."

Castle walked back over with Lily cradled against his shoulder. "I should put her down," Kate said. "She's tired."

"Finish eating," Castle encouraged her. "Lily's fine for the time being."

"You make that look easy, Castle," Espo said, watching his friend with the baby.

"Do you want to hold her?" Castle offered.

"No," Espo was quick to shake his head.

"You're her godfather now," Castle reminded him.

"Babies don't like me. Just ask Ryan."

"They sense that you're tense," Kate said. "They're very intuitive. How can you spoil Lily if you won't even hold her?"

"I'll tell you what, Beckett. When she can talk, and tell me what's wrong, I'll hold her, then."

"I'll hold you to that," Kate handed her plate to one of the catering staff and reached up for the baby. "I'm going to put her down for a nap. She can't talk, but I understand her cries. I'll be back."

Later that night, Castle came out of the bathroom after taking a shower. He was surprised to find Kate reading the first chapter of his new book. "I thought you were going to wait until it was finished," he climbed into bed beside her.

"You don't mind, do you?"

"No. I want you to read it. What do you think?"

"That first case seems like another lifetime ago. I like the title. I remember when you told me that there's always a story."

"The story might not make sense to us, but to the killer, it makes perfect sense. I would've loved to work that dentist drill murder. I'd love to know what that lady's story was."

"Maybe, it was a crime of opportunity and the drill was the first weapon she grabbed."

"Boring," he said as she laughed. "The party was fun, wasn't it?"

"It was," she agreed. "Rick, what if I decide not to go back to work?"

"Are you leaning in that direction?" He was surprised by her revelation.

"I don't know. I love being home with Lily. I love being home with you."

"Why don't you put your decision about returning to work on hold for a little while? Burke hasn't released you, but you also have time to make a permanent decision."

"Okay," she yawned before settling down on her pillow. "I like the first chapter."

"I'm glad. Get some sleep."

"Way ahead of you," she closed her eyes as he reached over for the remote and turned off the lights in the bedroom before laying down beside her, instantly feeling her rest her head on his chest.

 **A/N #3: Rick and a surprise witness or two testify in the next chapter.**

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	34. Telling the Story--Rick's Side

**A/N #1: I want to thank everybody for the phenomenal response on the last chapter. It feels great to be back.**

 **A/N #2: For the record, this third part is only going to be about five chapters long, contrary to what I stated in the previous chapter. I feel that it's time to move on from the whole confusing LokSat mess. Speaking of confusing, this chapter might be just that. I'll do my best not to confuse you guys too much.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 34: Telling the Story: Rick's Side**

Kate opened her eyes and smiled when she saw Rick sitting beside her, dressed in a dark suit and shirt, sporting a red tie. "Hey," she murmured, her voice still groggy. "What time is it?"

"Almost 7:30. I need to leave soon, but I didn't want to wake you up."

"I want you to wake me up," she sat up. "Rick, it's going to be okay."

"I just don't understand why Halloran wants to meet with me first."

"He probably just has some questions to clear up before you get called before the grand jury."

"Kate, what if my testimony keeps them from being indicted—"

"No," she reached out for his hand. "That's _not_ going to happen."

"We don't know that."

"I know, but we can't start thinking of worst case scenarios. Let's think of something else. Where are you taking me for Valentine's Day? Martha, my dad, and Alexis are all fighting over who's going to get to babysit Lily."

"I promise that I will take you somewhere epic," his face brightened at the thought.

"I'm holding you to that. It's going to be okay."

"I should go. I'll call you later," he kissed her.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Burke, so don't freak out if I don't answer my phone."

"What about Lily?"

"I'll take her with me," she gave him a mischievous grin. "Get her started on her therapy early."

"Not funny, Beckett."

"I'm kidding. I am taking her with me, though. Dr. Burke has already said it's all right with him. She'll probably sleep through the whole session."

***CCC***

"Mr. Castle, please come in," Brian Halloran motioned for Castle to enter his cluttered office. "Would you like some coffee?"

"No, thank you." 

"After you and your wife were shot, Chief Gates turned over all the evidence regarding the investigation into LokSat. Including the flash drives that were found in the house where Capt. Beckett was being held."

"Including the recording I made when I was in L.A.?" Castle asked, feeling sick. He didn't know how to explain something that he had no memory of.

***CCC***

"Will you please state and spell your name for the record?" Halloran began questioning the next grand jury witness an hour later.

"Hayley Shipton. H-A-Y-L-E-Y S-H-I-P-T-O-N."

"Ms. Shipton, have you been offered anything in return for your truthful testimony in this proceeding?"

"Yes, I've been promised immunity from prosecution for my part in the LokSat operation."

"Ms. Shipton and members of the Grand Jury, I'm going to play a video that was taken some time in mid-2014." Halloran played the video Castle had made in which he talked about following LokSat's movements. "Ms. Shipton, were you aware of the existence of this video before the raid on the LokSat compound?"

"Yes."

"Do you know when the video was made?"

"June of 2014."

"Were you present when the video was made?"

"No, but I knew of its existence."

"Who told you about the video's existence?"

"Richard Castle."

"How did you meet Mr. Castle?"

"Through a man by the name of Jackson Hunt."

"Who is Jackson Hunt?"

"He claimed to be Mr. Castle's father."

"How did you meet Mr. Hunt?"

"Through my connections with MI-6. He asked me to watch out for Rick . . . Mr. Castle because he was afraid that he was getting in something over his head."

"And, what would that be?"

"LokSat."

"Can you explain to the panel just who or what LokSat is?"

"LokSat is a former CIA operative. He was helping fund the political campaign of Senator William Bracken by ways of a drug cartel headed by a former drug dealer named Vulcan Simmons."

"How did you become involved with LokSat?"

"They learned that I knew Mr. Castle and later, his wife, Capt. Kate Beckett. They wanted me to keep tabs on them and alert them when they were getting too close to learning the truth about their operation."

"Did you do this?"

"Yes."

"When were you arrested?"

"Shortly after the Castle's were shot in their apartment. The police discovered that I was the one who called Vikram Singh and told him that Caleb Brown was dead."

"Why did you call Mr. Singh?"

"Because I knew with Caleb Brown dead, that it would only be a matter of time before the police discovered that Vikram Singh wasn't dead."

"Thank you, Ms. Shipton. I have nothing further, at this time."

After Hayley was dismissed and removed from the grand jury room, Halloran signaled to Castle that he was ready for him. After swearing him in and asking him to give his name for the record, he began his line of questioning. "Mr. Castle, do you know a man by the name of Jackson Hunt?"

"Yes."

"Who is he?"

"He claims to be my biological father."

"Was he in your life growing up?"

"No."

"When was the first time you met him?"

"In February of 2013."

"How did this meeting come about?"

"My daughter had been abducted and he helped me to rescue her."

"Did you ever see him again after that?"

"Yes, in January of the next year."

"That would be 2014?"

"Yes."

"Did you see him again after that?"

"I don't know."

"Can you explain why you don't know if you saw Jackson Hunt again?"

"My wife and I were supposed to have gotten married in May of 2014. On my way to our wedding venue in the Hamptons, my car was forced off the road and I was taken. I was missing for over two months."

"Do you remember anything that happened to you during that time?"

"No."

"Is this memory loss thought to be permanent?"

"According to my therapist, that's a strong possibility."

"So, if I told you that you had been in Los Angeles two months after your disappearance, you would have no memory of that?"

"No. I didn't even know that I'd been in L.A. until I saw the video."

"What is your first memory of the organization known as LokSat?"

"When my wife's colleagues began looking into her disappearance in November of 2016."

"You don't remember looking into him, yourself?"

"No."

"What would be the reason for you to be investigating LokSat?"

"I don't know."

"Did it have anything to do with Johanna Beckett's murder in 1999?"

"I don't know. We had the man who had killed Johanna Beckett. There was no reason to look into anybody else. I don't know why I would be investigating LokSat."

"You and your wife had never discussed the possibility of a deeper conspiracy?"

"Again, I don't know."

Halloran could see that Castle was becoming agitated, just as he had in his office earlier that morning. "Mr. Castle, do you need a break?"

"How many more questions do you have?"

"A few. If you need a break—"

"No. Let's just get this over with."

"Let's move forward to the early morning of May 16, 2016. Were you with your wife when she arrested Mason Wood?"

"Yes."

"What happened after he was arrested?"

"There were hours of press conferences. We turned him over to the feds and we went home."

"What time was that?"

"Maybe around seven. We got home at about half past seven."

"What did the two of you do when you arrived home?"

"Kate went to change clothes and I went to make us breakfast. I turned on the stove and it suddenly occurred to me that Vikram Singh wasn't dead."

"How did you know this?"

"Mason Wood had an incinerator in his building. He didn't use it to get rid of Vikram Singh. I remember asking Kate why he didn't dispose of Singh's body there instead of the trunk of a car."

"What happened next?"

"Caleb Brown came out of the shadows. He shot me and then he said that he had told Wood that I'd figure things out. I tried to call out to Kate, but I couldn't say anything."

"Did Kate hear the gunshot?"

"He used a suppressor. But, she came out of the bedroom, anyway," Castle wiped at his eyes. "I'm okay," he told Halloran, sensing that the D.A. was about to ask if he needed another break. "She called out my name and then I heard shots. I heard . . . two thumps. One was Brown falling against my kitchen wall. I didn't know he'd hit Kate. Then, I saw her from the corner of my eye on the living room floor. I tried to get to her, but I couldn't move."

"One more question, Mr. Castle, and we'll wrap things up. Who do you believe ordered Caleb Brown to kill you and your wife?"

"Mason Wood. There's no doubt in my mind," Castle's voice had a bitter edge to it.

***CCC***

"Castle's meeting with the D.A. today to talk about LokSat," Kate said, her hand lightly rubbing Lily's back. The baby was happily sleeping in a baby sling on Kate's chest, oblivious to her mother's stress.

"Hopefully, things will get resolved soon," Dr. Burke said. "How have things been with a new baby?"

"Perfect," Kate smiled. "If you had told me even four years ago that I'd be raising a baby with Castle, I would've told you that you were crazy."

"When did you want to return to work? We should pick a target date for that."

"I was thinking maybe by the summer."

"In that case, we should talk about what happened."

"Hold on," Kate carefully removed the still soundly sleeping baby and placed her in the carrier at her feet. After making sure that Lily was secure, she sat back in her chair. "Where do you want to start?"

"What's the first thing that you think about when you go back to that day?"

"Waking up in the hospital. My dad was there, and when I . . . when I asked about Rick, he told me to get some rest."

"What did you take that to mean?"

"That he was gone. That I had gone and done the one thing that I never wanted to do. I never wanted my job to cost Castle his life."

***CCC***

"Richard?" Martha opened the door to her son. "Is everything all right? You sounded so awful on the phone."

"Kate's seeing Dr. Burke and I just needed to talk to somebody."

"Come on. I'll make some coffee. How's my new granddaughter?"

"She's perfect," Castle took out his phone and showed his mother the latest pictures of Lily.

"Tell me what's on your mind," Martha brought him a cup of coffee before sitting down near him on her sofa.

"When we were investigating LokSat, we found a box of thumb drives at the house where they'd been holding Kate."

"Alexis told me."

"Did she tell you about the one—"

"Yes."

"Mother, I don't remember going to L.A. I never meant to put Kate in danger."

"We all know that, Richard. You would no sooner intentionally hurt Kate than you would me or Alexis."

"That video has to be the reason why they targeted me and Kate. Why they came for her and Vikram in September of 2015."

"It would appear that way. Have you remembered anything from those two months?"

"No. Now I hope that I never do. What if there are more of them out there? What if LokSat isn't the end?"

"I think that if there were more of them out there, this LokSat character would be making a deal to save his own ass. He doesn't appear to be the sort of person who would be willing to go to prison without throwing someone else under the bus."

"I know my missing time still haunts Kate. I ruined her perfect day—"

"But, you gave her another day; possibly a better one. I can't count the number of times Katherine has told me how much she loves you; about how you're the love of her life."

"She said that she told Wood that; when he took her to that incinerator to kill her. She told him that she was crazy about me. Mother, Kate and Lily are the best things I've ever done in my life. Don't get me wrong. I adore Alexis—"

"I understand exactly what you mean. Of course, you adore Alexis. She's your firstborn. But, you never felt the way for Meredith that you clearly do for Katherine. When I watch the two of you, it's like you're the only two people in the room. And, when you add Lily to that," Martha smiled softly. "I knew that the two of you would make beautiful babies."

"Kate was telling me this morning that you, Jim, and Alexis are fighting over who gets to babysit when I take her out for Valentine's Day. But, I have a great idea. Why don't all three of you babysit?"

"That is a wonderful idea. Where are you taking Katherine?"

"I have no idea," Castle groaned.

"Then, I suggest that you get busy because you don't have much time to make reservations if you want to get into some of the best places in Manhattan."

***CCC***

Kate was reclining on the bed with Lily at her breast when she heard the front door open and close. "I think daddy's home," she whispered to the baby, who opened one eye before returning to the task at hand.

"There's my family," Castle leaned against the bedroom door jamb, smiling at the sight that met his eyes. He then walked over and carefully climbed onto the bed beside the two of them. "Hi," he kissed Kate's temple before bending down to softly kiss the top of Lily's head.

"Is everything okay? I thought you'd be here when I got home from Dr. Burke's office." 

"I went to visit my mother. Can we talk about something after you put her down?"

"Yeah," Kate used her finger to break the suction at her breast before moving Lily to her other breast. "Have I told you today how much I love being a mom?"

"We did a good job, didn't we?" He kissed her shoulder. "How was her first visit with Dr. Burke?"

"She slept through the whole thing," Kate smiled. "I'm telling you, Castle, we have the world's most perfect baby."

"I know, and that scares me."

"Why?"

"Because, I have a feeling that our second baby might be the reincarnation of Satan. There's no way we'll get this lucky twice."

"How did it go this morning?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I survived."

"Take her and burp her," she handed the drowsy baby to her father. "I'll be right back."

"Hi, princess," Castle kissed Lily's satiny cheek, smiling when she opened her mouth in a wide yawn. "I know. You have a full tummy and now you're sleepy. But, let's burp you before you explode."

After going to the bathroom, Kate washed her hands and came back to get into bed next to Castle, who had Lily on his shoulder and was briskly rubbing her tiny back. She loved watching him with the baby. He was such a wonderful father. He never shirked at changing diapers or cleaning up when Lily spit up all over the place. "Come on, Lily. I know you have a couple of burps in that tiny body somewhere," Castle said. He smiled when she finally burped. "Good girl."

"You tell her that now, but it's not going to be so cute when she's five and belching out the alphabet."

"I would never teach our sweet little girl to do that. I'm saving that lesson for our son," he teased.

After Lily burped once more, Castle nestled her in the crook of his arm and just watched her, marveling at the beauty of his newborn daughter. "She is so beautiful," Kate whispered.

"Just like her mommy," he turned and gave her a soft kiss. "I'm going to put her in her crib."

After he got up to put the baby in her crib, Kate got up and went to the living room. She fixed a glass of iced water with lemon for herself and a glass of red wine for Castle. "I thought you might need this," she handed him the wine when he came out of the bedroom.

"Thank you," he walked over to the sofa and sat down. "Kate, did you ever tell me that you had done the Internet search for Bracken while you were with the A.G.?"

"No. I had forgotten I'd done it until Vikram called me. Why?"

"I just don't understand why I was in L.A. looking for LokSat when neither of us had a clue as to his identity. We thought that Bracken was the top of the food chain."

"Castle, I don't think we're ever going to know why you were looking into LokSat. I know that you're the person who has to know the story, but I think you're going to have to accept that this is one story that you're never going to have. I know that you don't want to hear that."

"Kate, I'm the reason that Rachel and the others—"

"No, Castle. No," she reached out for his hand.

"If I hadn't found out about him, they'd still be alive."

"You don't know that. They found out that I did the search on Bracken. They thought that I'd found something. They were watching us after Bracken was taken into custody. If I hadn't done the search, they probably would've stopped watching us. They had Bracken killed because they thought he was going to talk. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then, why do I feel so fucking guilty?" He set his wine glass on the coffee table and covered his face in his hands.

"It's okay, babe," she put her glass down beside his and pulled him into her arms. "It's going to be okay."

"Have I told you how much I love you?" His voice was muffled against her neck.

"Not in the last hour or so," she pulled back from him, pressing her lips to his.

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too. I think we've both had a really rough day."

"I just want to put this behind us."

"Me, too. Hopefully, the grand jury will come back with indictments. That'll be a good start."

"I talked to my mother today. I suggested that instead of having to pick a sitter for Valentine's Day, we'll leave Lily with all three of our family members."

"That's a wonderful idea! Now, you just have to decide where you're going to take me."

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?"

"Oh no, Castle. I want to be surprised. It's going to be our first outing since Lily's birth. I want to be sexy for you."

"You'll always be sexy to me."

"Sweet talker," she kissed him again.

Later that night, Castle was writing while waiting for Kate to put Lily down in her crib. He'd been putting out feelers for dinner reservations without any luck. He worried that he had indeed waited too long to get into one of the nicer restaurants in Manhattan.

"Castle, I think that I now understand why you watch me when I sleep," Kate walked back into the room and climbed onto the bed next to him. "I think I stood in there for five minutes just watching Lily sleep. She purses her lips like she's nursing. It's so cute."

"Well, you don't purse your lips, but you're still cute," he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She settled closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"You said something earlier about having a bad day. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Burke is working on getting me ready to go back to work by this summer."

"That's a good goal."

"Today he asked me the first thing that I remembered. You know . . . after."

"I know," he closed his laptop and put it on his nightstand.

"I opened my eyes and I . . . I . . . my dad was there and you weren't. I asked dad if you were okay. He told me to rest."

"And, you thought—" Castle closed his eyes, picturing how terrified Kate had to have been. "I remember begging my mother and Alexis to tell me something. Mother told me that your doctor would come in to talk to me. The only thing she'd tell me is that you were alive. I'm so sorry. You must've been so scared."

Kate didn't respond. She buried her face into his shoulder, her tears wetting his t-shirt. "I never wanted you to get hurt, Rick."

"I know. Kate, this isn't your fault."

"I didn't believe that you were all right until that morning when you talked to me on Espo's phone."

"That was great," Castle smiled at the memory.

"As great as that was, do you remember when Dr. Addison showed us Lily for the first time?" Her face lit up at the memory. "She's our miracle baby, Castle."

"When they moved me into the room with you, I'd listen for you at night."

"I'd listen for you, too. I hated being so close and so far from you, at the same time."

"I would listen," his voice was so soft that Kate had to strain to listen to what he was saying. "I knew when you were in pain and when you were having bad dreams. I wanted to hold you like I did here at home when you were struggling."

"Knowing that you were there helped," she kissed his shoulder. "Even though you were six feet away, you were still there. You were still near enough for me to call out to you, just to hear your voice. That helped to keep me grounded. Listen," she sat up so that he had to look up at her, "it's going to get better. Because, it sure as hell can't get any worse."

"When did you get so smart?" He reached up to caress her cheek.

"I've always been smart. I married you, didn't I?" Her smile blossomed huge across her face. "Have I ever told you how much I love your two ex-wives?"

"No, but I'm curious as to your reasons why."

"Because, they didn't realize what they had when they were married to you. Thus," she snuggled back down against him, "their loss is my gain."

"I thought you couldn't stand me at one time," he reminded her.

"Oh, that was just an act."

"In that case, you should give my mother acting lessons. Bravo, Ms. Beckett," he rolled over so that his body was aligned with hers.

"Seriously, though. I wasn't lying when I told Mason Wood that you're the love of my life. I'm absolutely over the moon, crazy about you, Richard Castle."

"Right back at you, Katherine Beckett," his lips came down on hers in a kiss that soon had both of them breathless. That was when he knew exactly where he was going to take this extraordinary woman for Valentine's Day. She deserved a place that was impossible for just anybody to get into, unless you knew somebody who knew somebody. And Castle knew just the person who knew somebody else.

 **A/N #3: Where is Castle taking Kate for Valentine's Day? Let me just say, I did a lot of research and reading of articles.**

 **A/N #4: The next chapter is going to be sweet, sexy, and maybe a little bit slutty. Or smutty.**

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	35. Romance in the Air

**A/N #1: My mother and I watch Food Network a lot. A while back, we learned about Rao's. Rao's is a 120-year-old New York institution. It's so small and so hard to get into that the only way to get a table at Rao's is to literally know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody else. Since Castle always has a guy, guess where he's taking Kate for Valentine's Day?**

 **A/N #2: This is an M-rated chapter. It's going to be sexy and to quote Castle, 'Kind of slutty.' Well, maybe not, but it's going to be smutty, sexy Caskett times. There is a slight time jump in this chapter.**

 **A/N #3: The first part of this will be a little angst-y, but it will get better.**

 **A/N #4: There's also going to be a huge cliffhanger that will lead into the next chapter and will wrap everything up for Part Three.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 35: Romance in the Air**

 _Three Days Later (February 13)_

"Where is Writer Boy taking you?" Lanie asked, following Kate into the loft, her arms loaded with shopping bags.

"He won't tell me," Kate placed the baby carrier on the floor before dumping her own shopping bags on the sofa. "All he'll tell me is I'm going to be blown away."

"Well, _he's_ going to be blown away when he sees you in that dress."

"I can't wait for him to see me in it."

"Where is Castle, anyway?"

"He had an appointment with Dr. Burke. He should be home soon. Let me put Lily down and I'll make some coffee."

"I can make the coffee. You take care of the baby."

Kate unbuckled the harness on the baby carrier and carefully lifted Lily from it, smiling when the baby briefly opened her eyes and stretched her arms out. "Come on, sweet pea. Let's get you out of your jacket and put you down for a nice nap."

Lanie busied herself making a pot of coffee while she waited for Kate to return. She loved seeing her best friend as a new mom. Lily was an absolute dream. The only time she had awakened during their shopping trip was when they had stopped for lunch. Kate had discreetly nursed her while they ate. Afterwards, she had gone back to sleep during the ride home. "Kate, Lily is the best baby ever!" Lanie said when Kate came back into the room.

"Thank you. Castle keeps talking about how lucky we are in that respect. He already has a name picked out for our second child."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Lucifer," Kate smiled as Lanie started laughing. "He says he got lucky with Alexis and we got lucky with Lily. He says there's no way we'll be this lucky a third time."

"Lucifer Castle. It does have a ring to it. You're talking about having another baby?"

"No, not seriously. At least, not right now. I've told him that if we have another baby, I don't want to wait too long. After all, time isn't on my side. Lanie, I love being a mom. I look at Lily and I'm a goner."

"Have you thought about going back to work?"

"Dr. Burke and I are working to get me back in the precinct by this summer."

"Has it helped talking to him?"

"Not as much as it did after I got shot the first time. We still struggle, Lanie. With the physical stuff; the emotional stuff. I wonder if it's ever going to get easier."

"It will, sweetie. In time. It hasn't been that long since you were shot."

"Castle hasn't said anything to you about where he's taking me?" Kate changed the subject, her face lighting up in a huge smile.

"He hasn't said a word to me. When I called him to offer to watch Lily so that the two of you could go out, he told me that your parents and Alexis were babysitting. However, he said that I can watch her on his birthday."

"Thank you for offering."

"Are you kidding? I can't wait until she's old enough to take shopping. I plan on spoiling her rotten."

***CCC***

"Do you and Kate have plans for Valentine's Day?" Dr. Burke asked.

"I'm taking her to Rao's in East Harlem. I had to call a friend who knows Martin Scorsese. And, then I had to make a huge donation to his favorite charity. I'm also fairly positive that my firstborn son was involved."

"How does Kate feel about that?"

"Oh, she doesn't know. I want it to be a surprise. She mentioned once when we were driving past it on our way to a crime scene how much she always wanted to go there. I stored it in the back of my mind for future reference."

"I'll have to ask her about it on her next visit. Let's talk about why you're here this morning."

"I know that we tried hypnosis once in the past and it didn't go well. I was wondering if we could try it again. I want to know why I was in Los Angeles following LokSat."

"Rick, what if you don't get the answers that you're looking for?"

"I can't stop thinking that I'm the reason why Kate's former AG team was murdered. If I hadn't been following LokSat, they'd still be alive."

"You don't know that for certain, Rick."

"Neither of us really sleep."

"I know. Kate has told me. When I first started seeing Kate after she was shot the first time, she wanted to push to get better. She thought that she'd magically be better after seeing me a few times. Therapy is a process. It's not an easy process."

"I remember that she told me she just wanted to put in the work and get better. At that time, I didn't know that she was doing this for me; for us. She told me later that she wanted to be better before she moved forward with me."

"I can't possibly begin to understand what this is doing to the two of you. Kate has a lot of trouble talking about the events after you were shot."

"I'd hear her at night when we were in the hospital. She was in so much pain, but she was reluctant to take anything. Especially after we learned about Lily," he smiled. "I'd hear her breathing change and I would know that she was struggling. I'd say her name and sometimes that would be enough to calm her. When that didn't work, I'd tell her stories. Stories about the two of us; stories about cases we had worked; stories about our future with the baby."

"Did that help?"

"Yeah. I would look over and she'd just be watching me with huge eyes. But, the stories would settle her and she'd sleep."

"Tell me what's going on now."

"Nothing leaves this office, right?"

"Doctor patient confidentiality. Tell me what's going on," the doctor repeated.

"The Grand Jury has been meeting for the past few months. One of the cases they're deliberating on is LokSat. Kate and I have had to testify. We're both terrified that Wood and his group are going to walk. That there's going to be nobody left to pay for what happened to us that morning."

"Because Kate killed Caleb Brown in self-defense?"

"Yeah."

"Let's talk about Caleb Brown for just a moment," Burke looked at Castle, who appeared horrified by the suggestion. "Bear with me, Rick. I want you to run with me on this."

"Okay."

"Do you think that Caleb Brown decided to kill you and Kate on his own?"

"No."

"Talk to me about what you think took place."

"I think that there was always a contingency plan in place in case they were arrested."

"You mean Wood?"

"Yeah. It necessarily wasn't going to be Caleb Brown who killed us; but it was going to be somebody in that organization. They had to eliminate the threat. Flynn as much as confirmed that to me when he gave me the truth serum. I was stupid to think that everything was going to end with their arrests. If I had been smart, I would've taken Kate straight from the precinct to the airport and gotten on a plane for Tahiti or Bora-Bora. But, it's worse than that."

"How so?"

"If Kate hadn't killed Caleb Brown, he would've gone after everybody else. Ryan, Espo, Jim, my mother, Alexis—" his voice caught at the mention of his family members dying because of something he felt he'd done.

"I know that you're having a hard time believing this, but you didn't do anything wrong, Rick. And, I think that you're just going to have to learn to live with the fact that you're not ever going to remember most of what happened during those two months that you were missing. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way that you're going to be able to move past it."

 _Valentine's Day_

Kate had just put Lily down for a nap and decided that it was the perfect opportunity to luxuriate in a warm bubble bath. Castle was out running errands, and Alexis was due home shortly. Kate left Alexis a short note and left it on the counter before checking on the baby. After smoothing the blanket over her, she grabbed the video monitor and went into the ensuite.

When Alexis unlocked the door, and entered the loft 20 minutes later, everything was quiet. "Dad? Kate?" She walked over to the counter and saw the note Kate had left. _'Alexis, your dad is running errands and the baby is asleep. I'm in the tub if you need me.'_

Alexis walked through the master bedroom and stopped outside of the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar. "Kate?" She lightly tapped on the door. "I just wanted to let you know that I was home."

"Is your dad home, yet?"

"No."

"Okay. I'll be out in a little while."

"Relax. I'll get Lily if she wakes up."

"Thank you."

Alexis went back to the living room and grabbed a container of yogurt from the refrigerator before removing her tablet from her purse. She was reading when her father walked in 15 minutes later with a huge vase of roses. "Wow!" Alexis looked up when he put the vase on the counter beside her. "Those are beautiful."

"Thank you. Where is Kate and Lily?"

"Lily is sleeping and Kate is taking a bath."

"Thank you, pumpkin," Castle kissed her on the cheek before leaving the room in search of his wife. He rapped on the bathroom door before stepping in, smiling at the sight of Kate in a tub full of bubbles. "Do you need help shaving your legs?"

"Sorry, I already shaved them."

"Without me? I thought that was my job."

"I'll save them for you next time. Where have you been?"

"Out," he sat on the edge of the tub.

"No kidding. Out where?"

"Here, there, and yonder."

"So cryptic," she teased. "If your daughter wasn't home right now, I'd pull you into this tub and have my wicked way with you."

"You can have your wicked way with me later, or I can have my wicked way with you."

"I'll tell you what," she reached up to pull his head down to her level. "Why don't we just have our wicked ways with each other?"

"You've got a deal."

"What time are our reservations?"

"Seven thirty. The car is picking us up at six thirty."

"You called the car service?" Her eyes got huge.

"I asked for one of my regular drivers. In fact, I told them there was a huge tip in it if they gave me one of my regular guys."

"You're sure?"

"It's time. In fact, to make sure I don't launch into a full-blown panic attack later, I had him drive me around on my errands today."

"Who's driving us? Wally or Mike?"

"Mike. I know he's your favorite," he grinned before kissing her, slow and deep before reluctantly pulling away from her and standing up. "I'd better get out of here before you do pull me in."

"I'll be out in a few minutes."

He was still smiling when he walked back into the living room. "What time are your grandmother and Jim going to be arriving?" He asked, grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"Grams said she'll be here by six. Jim said he should leave his office at five thirty, so he should be here at around six, also. Are you going to tell me where you're taking Kate?"

"Nope. I don't want you to tell your grandmother and then have her spill the beans."

He smiled when Kate walked out of the bathroom, wrapped in his bathrobe. "Oh, Castle," she breathed when she saw the roses. "These are beautiful. Thank you," she walked over and kissed him.

"You're welcome."

***CCC***

 _6:00 p.m._

Kate was in the bedroom putting on the finishing touches on her makeup. Castle was in the bathroom getting dressed. In the living room, Kate could hear the voices of her family. Lily had been awake for about an hour and Kate knew that the baby was probably being passed from one family member to the other.

Kate stepped back and looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She loved her new dress and she knew that Castle was going to love it, too. It was a deep, dark maroon with a full skirt and three-quarter length sleeves. She smoothed her hand over the skirt before going over to the closet and removing her heels. She walked over to the bed and sat down to put them on.

"Wow," she looked up and smiled at Castle, standing in the bathroom doorway. "Is that the dress that you bought on your shopping trip with Lanie?"

"Yeah. Do you like it?"

"You look beautiful," he walked over and sat down beside her on the bed, pressing his lips to her temple. "I can't wait to take you out and show you off."

"Are you going to tell me where you're taking me to show me off?"

"Nope."

"You look so handsome," she smiled. Castle was wearing a dark shirt and a white tie. She always loved the way he looked in his dark dress shirts.

"We should get out there before our parents' spoil Lily rotten." 

"Babe, that ship has already sailed."

"Come on," he took her hand and led her out to the living room.

"Katherine, you look absolutely gorgeous," Martha got up and walked over to embrace Kate.

"Thank you."

"You both look very nice," Jim complimented.

"Thank you, dad. What're you doing with my daughter?" She teased.

"Nothing, but she keeps trying to stick her thumb in her mouth."

"I fed her right before I got dressed. Try giving her pacifier to her. I've already told Alexis where everything is, but I just want to let you know that there is breast milk in the freezer. Alexis knows how to fix Lily's bottles. Her pediatrician's number is on the fridge—"

"Katie, we've got everything under control. If we need you, we will call you. But, we're not going to need you. Go and have a romantic dinner with your husband," Jim told her.

Martha saw the emotions that were swirling in Kate's eyes. "Katherine, why don't you show me where you keep everything for Lily's bath? I'm sure that she will enjoy a nice, warm bath before bedtime."

"Okay," Kate walked toward the master bedroom, followed by Martha. "Her baby bathtub—"

"Katherine, come sit down for a moment," Martha sat on the edge of the bed and patted the seat beside her. "I know where everything is. Please don't worry about Lily."

"I'm not worried."

"This is the first time you've left her with anyone other than Richard. I understand how you're feeling right now. I felt the very same way the first time that I left Richard with a sitter. And, I'm sure that your mother felt that way the first time she left you. It's a natural part of being a new mother."

"Martha, why do I feel like I'm abandoning her?"

"Because, in a way you are. I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that," Martha said when she saw Kate's horrified expression. "Katherine, you're entitled to an evening out with your husband. Lily has been the center of your world since the day you learned that you were expecting her. And, she will always be the center of your world. But, that doesn't mean you have to give up on your life. Now, dry your eyes," Martha handed Kate a tissue, "and go have a lovely dinner with your husband."

"Thank you, Martha."

"Kate," Castle poked his head in the doorway. "The car is downstairs."

"Okay. I'll be right out. Thank you, Martha," she hugged her tightly.

"You're welcome, darling. Come on and kiss your daughter goodnight. I'm sure she will be sound asleep when you return home."

The two women returned to the living room. Kate smiled at Lily, who was being held by her big sister. "Goodnight, Baby Girl," Kate kissed her forehead, leaving a lipstick imprint.

"She's in good hands, Katie," Jim reminded her once again.

"Have fun," Alexis added.

Castle helped Kate with her coat before slipping into his own. "We should be home by eleven," he told the three adults. He took Kate's hand in his as they walked to the elevator. "The first time I left Alexis with a sitter, I was a wreck. I thought that nobody could take care of her as well as I could. I must have called that poor woman every 15 minutes and I was only gone a few hours."

"So, I'm not crazy?"

"No, you're a mom," he slipped his arm around her and pulled her closer. "You're entitled to worry. I like to see you worry. I never saw that in Meredith."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Never apologize to me for loving our daughter."

When they walked out of the building, one of Castle's regular drivers was there waiting for them. "Good evening, Mr. Castle, Mrs. Castle," he opened the back door for them.

"Good evening, Mike," Castle smiled as he helped Kate into the car before sliding in after her. "You do look beautiful. I love the dress," he softly kissed Kate.

"Thank you. If you like the dress, then you're going to love what I'm wearing _under_ the dress," she whispered in his ear, smiling when she saw him visibly gulp.

"Is it the red—" she nodded, watching him place his hand over his chest. "I might not survive the evening just picturing _that_."

"Get a grip, Lover Boy. We still have dinner to get through."

Kate reached over, interlacing her fingers with Castle's as she watched the passing bright lights of the city. "Would you like to hear some music?" Mike asked from the front seat.

Kate felt Castle's fingers grip hers tightly. She looked over and saw that he'd broken out in a cold sweat. "No, thank you, Mike. Please don't play any music." She then turned her attention to Castle. "Castle? Rick? It's okay. Breathe. Look at me. Come on, Rick." He finally turned his eyes toward her. "That's good. You're okay. He didn't know. Baby steps, remember?"

"Thank you," he finally managed to whisper.

"Always."

He took some deep breaths before removing his handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his face. "Where are we going? New Jersey?" Kate asked.

"We'll be there soon enough."

The car finally came to a stop and after a few minutes, Mike opened the back door for Rick and Kate. Rick got out first and held his hand out for Kate. She stepped out, her eyes opening in surprise when she saw where they were. "Castle, how did you-?"

"I told you. I have a guy for everything. I remember you telling me once how much you always wanted to eat here. I stored that information in the back of my mind for a special occasion."

"I can't believe it. Thank you," she turned and kissed him, laughing when he hugged her to him.

"Let's go inside."

"Okay."

"Give me a call when you're ready for me to pick you up, Mr. Castle."

"I will, Mike. Thank you."

The inside of the restaurant was small and cozy. Kate looked around at the memorabilia on the walls. "I can't wait to tell my dad where we are. He's going to flip," she whispered to Castle as they were shown to their table. "Are you going to tell me how you got us in here? Because, I know they don't take reservations."

"I already told you. I know a guy. Oh, I think we're also going to have to give up our firstborn son. Just so you know."

The atmosphere was great, as was the food. But, the best part was being able to spend the evening together. Kate felt like it had been months since the two of them had been able to go somewhere where they could laugh and have a good time. "So, the red . . . stuff? Are you wearing both pieces?" Castle asked.

"Well, it _is_ a set."

"You're going to kill me," he groaned.

"But, what a way to go."

"Kate, about earlier . . . in the car," he reached across the table for her hand, his fingers brushing over her engagement ring. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. You've pulled me from the ledge too many times to count. We're partners. It's what we do."

"In crime and in life," he chorused, repeated words from their wedding vows.

Dinner was wonderful, and they were sharing a tiramisu when Kate's phone chimed with a text message. She smiled when she looked at the message. "Look at her, Castle," she showed Castle her phone. Alexis had snapped a picture of Jim giving Lily a bottle. "I've never seen my dad look so happy."

"And, to think that you were worried that Lily would be carried away by dingoes."

"Dingoes? In New York City? Seriously, Castle?"

"He does look a lot more comfortable giving her a bottle than I did the first time I fed Alexis."

"It was scary, huh?"

"Terrifying. I thought that I was doing everything wrong."

"You raised a good kid, Castle. Lily is going to be every bit as good as her big sister. You're a wonderful father, Castle. Never, ever doubt that for one second."

"I love you," his voice was choked with emotion.

"I love you, too. Let's get out of here so you can unwrap your Valentine's Day present," her grin was huge.

***CCC***

When they walked into the loft, everything was quiet. "Did you have any trouble?" Kate asked.

"Lily was an absolute angel," Martha assured her daughter-in-law. "Jim gave her a bottle and I rocked her to sleep. I think she was asleep in 30 seconds."

"Thank you so much for watching her," Kate hugged her father first, followed by Martha and Alexis.

"She hasn't been asleep long, so feel free to continue your festivities," Martha whispered in Kate's ear.

After saying goodnight, Martha and Jim left while Alexis went upstairs to her room. "Why don't you go look in on Lily while I set the alarm system?" Castle suggested. "I'll meet you in there in just a minute."

Kate walked through their bedroom and into Lily's room, smiling down in the crib at her baby daughter, who was soundly sleeping under a Winnie the Pooh patterned blanket. "I told you that she'd be fine," Castle slipped an arm around Kate's waist, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Come with me," he took her hand and led her from Lily's bedroom, pulling the door so that it remained ajar.

When they stepped into their bedroom, Kate smiled. Castle had pulled the covers back and had dimmed the lighting, creating a softly infused environment. "How long was I in Lily's room?" She leaned into Castle, kissing him on the corner of his mouth.

"I take it that you like it?"

"I love it. It's very romantic."

Rick put his hands on Kate's shoulders, slowly walking her backwards until her knees touched the back of the bed. She sat down, smiling when Castle slowly removed her high heels, massaging her instep in his huge hands. "How did your feet survive your first outing in high heels in several months?"

"It was rough, at first, but I adjusted to it. Come up here," she reached down for his belt and tugged him upwards, laying back on the mattress when he moved up from the floor, keeping his full weight off her with his hands pressed to either side of the mattress. She raised up, pressing her lips to his, groaning when she felt him rock against her. "I think that this will work better if we were both naked."

She laughed when Castle wrapped his arms around her and rolled them, so she was now on top. He brushed her hair from her face, reaching behind her back for the zipper on her dress. With her lips still pressed to his, she managed to shrug her arms out of the material, revealing a red, lacy bra. "This bra looked stunning on the store mannequin, but on you, let's just say . . . wow."

"Thank you. Would you like to see the rest of it?" Kate slid down the bed onto the floor and he watched as the dress slid from her body to the floor, leaving her clad in the laciest red lingerie he'd ever seen in his life.

Kate gave him a sly smile before reaching for his belt and unbuckling it, tugging his pants down his legs, where they joined her dress. She could see his erection straining in his boxers. But, instead of touching him like he'd hoped she would, she straddled his legs and moved up so that she could kiss him. "Somebody wants to play," she teased, feeling his hot, hard length of him pressing against her.

"He always wants to play," he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. "He can wait his turn, because right now, I want to play."

"Me, too. But, I want to play with both of you," she grinned.

With his mouth still firmly pressed to Kate's, Castle reached around and unhooked her bra, slipping her arms out of it, and tossing it somewhere off the bed. "Castle, your shirt," she sat up and unbuttoned his shirt as he shrugged out of it. "That's better."

"Good. Now, where were we?" He pulled her back down to his chest, his hands traveling down to her ass while he hungrily kissed her.

"Right about here," she kissed her way down his body, pulling his boxers off along the way.

"Kate," he growled her name when he felt her wrap her hand around his length, stroking slowly before replacing her hand with her mouth.

Kate hummed around him, feeling him arch up under her. She loved being the one who could make him react the way he was right now. She knew all his tells. She'd learned them long ago. She knew just how long she could keep up her ministrations on him before he would fall over the edge.

"Kate," he growled her name once again. Her answer was to take him even deeper into her mouth. "Oh, shit. You are so good at this." Her answer was to hum around him.

He began reciting state capitols, his book series in order, the name of every woman he'd ever dated, everything that he could think of to keep from coming. Because he wasn't ready to come. Not yet, anyway. First, he intended to explore every single inch of his wife's delectable body, slowly and thoroughly. Only after she was completely satisfied would he allow himself to come. "Kate, please," he begged, blindly reaching for her, smiling when he felt her crawling up the bed, kissing her way up before reaching his mouth, kissing him hungrily, groaning into his mouth when he felt him touching her.

He wrapped his arms around her, rolling until she was under him. She lifted her hips when he removed the red panties, dropping them to the floor beside the bed. "I love you," she raised up to kiss him.

"I know. I love you, too. So much," his breathing was ragged with desire. He felt her wrap her leg around his calf, rocking against his erection, eliciting a groan from him. "You know that you're going to be the death of me."

"I know," she teased, kissing him again. "Now, shut up, and fuck me." Watching his face, she felt him guide himself into her, slowly sliding home. "Oh fuck, Castle."

He thrust into her, gradually moving harder and faster when he felt Kate wrap her legs high above his waist, changing the angle and depth of his movements. The only sounds heard in the room was the sound of their harsh breathing and the soft cries coming from Kate's throat. It didn't take long for her to roll them over so that she was on top of him. Castle wrapped both arms around her, pulling her down to his chest while he continued to thrust up into her. Their mouths were glued to each other, their cries being drowned out by hungry kisses.

Kate pushed herself up and took his hands, bringing them up to her breasts. "Shit, Castle," she threw her head back and cried out when she felt him tugging her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. "Harder. Please, Castle? I'm so fucking close."

While continuing to play with her breasts with one hand, Castle brought his other hand down between her legs. He pressed hard on the swollen bundle of nerves, instantly feeling Kate tighten her muscles around him, screaming in pleasure as her climax reached its peak.

Somehow, he managed to pull himself into a sitting position, feeling Kate once again wrap her legs around him while he continued to thrust into her. "I love you, Kate," he cried out, emptying into her.

Kate could feel him brushing her hair from her shoulders as her breathing returned to normal. Dropping her head to his shoulder, she felt him holding her to his chest, his hand stroking up and down her bare back. After several minutes, he rolled her to her side, causing her to whimper at the loss of their intimate connection. She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him smiling back at her. "Hey," she breathed out, touching his jaw.

"Hey," he breathed back.

"Thank you for my Valentine's Day present."

"You're welcome. Thank you for letting me unwrap mine," he teased. "Tired?" He asked when he saw her stifle a yawn.

"A little."

"You should get a little sleep before Miss Lily wakes up for her early morning snack," he rolled onto his back, instantly feeling Kate cuddle up onto his chest.

"I love you, Rick."

"Love you, too," he kissed the top of her head before closing his own eyes.

***CCC***

 _The next morning_

D.A. Halloran was in his office doing paperwork when his phone buzzed. "Yeah, Erin?"

"Mr. Halloran, there's a gentleman out here insisting that he needs to speak to you. He refuses to give me his name, but said that it has something to do with LokSat."

"I'll be right out." Halloran walked to his office door and opened it, stepping out.

The man sitting in his outer office was in his late 30's or early 40's, medium height and weight, with light brown hair, sporting a pair of glasses. "Mr. Halloran? I'm Henry Jenkins. I think that the two of us should talk."

"Let's go into my office. Erin, hold my calls," he instructed his secretary. "What can I do for you, Mr. Jenkins?"

"Hayley Shipley is innocent. I'm the person who called Vikram Singh after the Castle's were shot. I'm also the person who hired Caleb Brown to shoot Richard Castle and Kate Beckett."

 **A/N #5: I apologize for taking so long to post. I'm still struggling with severe writer's block. But, I have now decided to blame NF.**

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	36. Justice at Last

**A/N #1: This will be the last chapter of Part Three. I will try to do a better job of explaining everything that Alexi Hawley and Terence Paul Winter did.**

 **A/N #2: Thank you to the reviewer who pointed out to me that I got Hayley's last name wrong in the previous chapter. I think I had donuts on my mind or something.**

 **A/N #3: I know there are a lot of 'Castle' viewers who weren't fans of Hayley's. However, one of my muses is a fan and she's the one who suggested the return of Henry Jenkins. So, blame her for the turn this chapter is going to take. This chapter starts where the previous chapter left off. Then, there will be a time jump of a few months toward the end of the chapter.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **CHAPTER 36: Justice at Last**

"Mr. Jenkins, Hayley Shipton has already testified before the Grand Jury. She told the Grand Jury that she was the one who placed the call to Vikram Singh after Mr. Castle and Capt. Beckett were shot."

"Because that's what she was told to say."

"By whom?"

"By me."

"Okay, I'm confused. The call to Mr. Singh appeared on her cell phone bill. How is that possible if you made the call?"

"Mr. Halloran, I'm CIA. I can make anything happen."

"What about Caleb Brown?"

"Somehow, Mason Wood had something arranged with Caleb Brown if things went South with the LokSat operation."

"Would you be willing to testify before the Grand Jury?"

"When?"

"In about an hour," Halloran glanced at his watch.

"Sure, I can testify."

"Mr. Jenkins, I'm asking you to appear before a Federal Grand Jury. I'm asking you to be truthful before this panel. Are you willing to show up and testify truthfully?"

"I just told you that I would."

"Then, I'll see you in an hour."

Jenkins got up and left the room, leaving the D.A. to shake his head in disbelief. This had to be the strangest case he'd ever worked during his 15 years in the District Attorney's Office. Now, he had to push his morning's witnesses back to get Jenkins on the stand before the man vanished like a ghost in the night. He already had a list of questions that he had long planned to ask this man if they ever were to meet. He pulled the file up on his tablet and examined the questions.

***CCC***

An hour later, Halloran approached the witness stand where Henry Jenkins was sitting. The CIA operative had already been sworn in and had given his name for the record. "Mr. Jenkins, how do you know Mason Wood?"

"We were in the CIA together."

"Have you seen him recently?"

"Yes."

"When was this?"

"I began following him in mid-2014 and met up with him in November of 2015."

"Why were you following him?"

"I had received intel that he was part of an organization that was setting out to eliminate author Richard Castle and his wife, Kate Beckett."

"What do you mean by eliminate?"

"Kill."

"Why was Mason Wood looking to kill two people whom he'd never met before?"

"In September of 2013, while working for the Attorney General's Office, Kate Beckett did a keyword search on Senator William Bracken. Senator Bracken was later arrested and charged with murdering Ms. Beckett's mother. At the time, nothing came of it, but later, analyst Vikram Singh got a hit on one of these searches. The search revealed the name LokSat."

"Who gave you the intel regarding LokSat?"

"A man by the name of Jackson Hunt. He claimed to be Mr. Castle's biological father. He was concerned for the welfare of Mr. Castle and his wife. He asked me to somehow take out LokSat before he was able to kill Mr. Castle and Det. Beckett."

***CCC***

"Wow, something smells good," Alexis breezed into the loft later that afternoon.

"Your father is making his famous Alfredo sauce."

"Hey, pumpkin," Castle greeted his daughter with a smile. "How was your day?"

"Well, good and bad. I had a psych exam—"

"That's the bad?" He asked as Alexis nodded.

"But, it's also the good. I think I aced it."

"Good girl."

Alexis sat down beside Kate, who was nursing Lily. "How was your date last night?"

"Your dad took me to Rao's. It was wonderful. How was your night?"

"We had such a good time. I think Jim took a hundred pictures. Can I burp her when you're done?"

"Okay," Kate smiled down at the baby. "Give me a few minutes and she's all yours."

After Lily finished nursing, Kate wiped her mouth and buttoned up before handing her over to Alexis. She'd no sooner given the baby to her stepdaughter when her cell phone rang. She frowned when she saw the caller id. "Hello?"

"Kate, it's Brian Halloran. I was wondering if I could see you and Mr. Castle in my office tomorrow morning."

"Is the Grand Jury back?"

"No, I haven't turned the case over to them, yet. I promise that it's nothing awful. But, I do need to see both of you. Can you be here at nine o'clock?"

"Nine o'clock. We'll be there." Kate ended the call and looked over at Castle. "That was Halloran. He wants to see us in his office tomorrow morning. Alexis, can you stay with Lily?"

"Of course."

"Did he say why he wants to see us?"

"No. Castle, he did say that it's nothing awful. Let's not jump to any conclusions. Okay?"

When they entered Halloran's office the next morning, they were shocked and angered to find Hayley Shipton already sitting there. "What is _she_ doing here?" Castle growled. "We have a restraining order against her!"

"I'm aware of that. But, Mr. Castle, Capt. Beckett, I think that you both need to hear what Ms. Shipton has to say. Please, sit down. Before you hear what she has to say, you both need to know that Henry Jenkins appeared before the Grand Jury yesterday morning."

"I don't understand. We've been looking for him for months. The last time he was seen was the night I was taken back to Manhattan from that house," Kate said.

"He was trying to protect you, Kate. He was trying to protect both of you. That's why he took you on the way to your wedding in 2014, Mr. Castle. He did it to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" Castle was dumbfounded.

"Hayley can explain this better than I can. She's the only person besides Henry Jenkins who knows the whole story."

"Do you know where I had gone during those two months?" Castle finally addressed the woman who he'd once considered a friend, and then a mortal enemy. Now he wasn't sure what she was.

"I don't know all of it. But, I do know most of it."

Kate and Castle took seats across from Hayley. Kate reached down for Castle's hand, instantly feeling his fingers twine tightly around hers. "This is a long tale, and it all starts with that keyword search that you did on Senator Bracken. It alerted LokSat."

"I don't understand. At the time, nothing came of the search. I didn't even remember doing it until I got the call from Vikram."

"At the time, they didn't act because the matter appeared to drop. However, a few months later, Jackson Hunt received intel that LokSat had put a contract out on you and Mr. Castle. That was when Hunt notified Henry Jenkins. He asked Jenkins to take out LokSat before the contract could be carried out. Castle, Jenkins took you that day in 2014 because he knew that you had contacts that could help him."

"But, why that day? Why couldn't he have waited a few days or even a few months? Hayley, he took me on the way to our wedding! Because of him, I ruined Kate's perfect day."

"Castle, no," Kate was quick to assure him.

"Yes, I did!"

"Castle, Jenkins took you that day because if he hadn't, you and Kate would've been dead by nightfall. After he ran you off the road, he contacted LokSat, and told him that half the threat had been eliminated. He made LokSat believe that he was on his side."

"Where did Jenkins take me after he ran me off the road?"

"He had received information that LokSat was in Costa Rica. But, by the time the two of you arrived in Costa Rica, LokSat had taken off for Thailand."

"How long were we in Thailand?"

"I don't know. I didn't meet you until the end of June when he brought you to L.A. We knew that LokSat was in L.A., but we weren't sure where. Jenkins had taken off for the East Coast, so you became my responsibility. I must say, you are quite the handful."

"Yeah, welcome to my world," Kate grinned at her husband, trying to lighten the mood. She could still see that Castle was extremely agitated. "We know that Castle was shot in Los Angeles."

"I found him one night and he was a bloody mess. But, he was also terrified. That was when he begged me to do something to erase everything about LokSat. I didn't know why until I saw that flash drive. That's the truth. I didn't know that they had threatened you, Kate."

"How did I end up in Maine?"

"I called Jenkins after you begged to have your memory erased. He arrived the next morning and he gave you something, Rick. Whatever he gave you, you didn't remember anything about why you were in L.A. You didn't remember him. You didn't even know how much time had passed. At that point, Jenkins told me that he'd take you with him. I thought he'd taken you back to New York. I don't know why he took you to Maine."

"Hayley, he made it look like I planned my disappearance! He made it look like I'd left Kate at the altar!"

"I know. I don't know why he did that."

"What you said about me and Alexis . . . was that the truth or was that more of your game playing?"

"Rick, I loved working for you and with you. And, I absolutely adore Alexis. She's like the sister that I never had."

"Where is Jenkins now?" Castle asked Halloran.

"He left the country. If he hadn't, he'd probably be a dead man by now."

"Are you saying that the threat isn't over?" Kate was now hysterical.

"No, Kate. You and Castle are safe. However, there are people out there who aren't going to be happy when they learn that Henry Jenkins testified."

"Hayley, did you know LokSat's identity?" Kate asked.

"No. I found out the night that you arrested Mason Wood. Kate, I was just trying to protect both of you. I knew if you found out who he was, he was going to kill not only the two of you, but every member of your family."

"Flynn told me that the night he'd kidnapped me," Castle confirmed. "But, the phone call to Vikram—"

"Hayley didn't make that call. Jenkins did and made it appear that the call had come from Hayley's phone. He also confirmed that Mason Wood already had it planned with  
Caleb Brown to eliminate the threats if the operation failed."

"So, Caleb never intended to switch sides. It was all a ruse," Kate whispered.

"Yes," Halloran said. "The cell phone, the meeting in Astor Park, all of it."

"How could I have been so stupid?" Kate got up and began to pace the small office.

"Kate, we were both stupid," Castle walked over and put his hands on her shoulders to stop her frantic pacing. "I swear that I will never again stick my nose somewhere where it doesn't belong."

"Castle, you have a writer's imagination. Neither of us knew what we were walking into."

"What happens to her now?" Castle nodded toward Hayley.

"That depends on you."

"We need to talk to our family. Can I call you later?" Castle asked.

"Do you still have my number?"

"No, but I remember it. I'll call you later."

"Castle, Kate, I'll understand if you never want to see me again. I did so many things that are unforgivable. But, I was just trying to keep you safe."

"I'll try to call you this evening."

Instead of going straight home, Castle drove to their park, even though the temperature was hovering in the low 40's. He got out of the car and waited for Kate to join him, taking her hand as he led her across the park to their swings. "What do you think?" She asked, watching him sway on the swing.

"She gave me answers about those missing two months. I still don't know everything, but I know more than I did when I first came back."

"Castle, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For doing the keyword search. I don't even remember now why I did it. I think that I was just looking to see if there were any persons out there who could help us take Bracken down. I never knew that he was into something so deep . . . so sinister."

"Neither of us did. You wanted to take him down, Kate. You thought that working with the AG's office would open more avenues for you. Can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Is that why you took the job?"

"No. The thought of taking Bracken down through the AG didn't even occur to me until after I finished my training. When nothing came of the search, I put it out of my mind. I probably never would've thought of it again if Vikram hadn't called me that morning."

"What do you want to do about Hayley?"

"Like you told her, we need to tell the family what's going on. Your mother, Alexis, and my dad might not be as forgiving as we are."

"We need to tell the boys and Gates, too. I'm just not sure that I can take her back into the firm, Kate. I still feel like she betrayed us."

"She had good intentions."

"What is it that they say? 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.'"

"When we get home, we'll call everybody. We can invite everybody over to the loft tonight and tell them what Hayley told us. Then, we can make a decision."

***CCC***

"Let me get this straight," Esposito looked at his boss and friend. "Hayley knew what had happened during those missing two months and she never told you?"

"She couldn't tell me, 'Sito. She was trying to protect us. LokSat couldn't know that she knew about him," Castle tried to explain.

"What does she want, dad?" Alexis asked.

"I don't know. She wanted us to know the story of those missing two months. She insists that she was trying to protect us . . . all of us. Me, you, Kate, your grandmother."

"She called that man . . . the one that Kevin and Javier arrested in the hospital that morning," Martha pointed out.

"No, she didn't," Kate got up when she heard Lily on the baby monitor. "Excuse me. I need to get Lily."

"Henry Jenkins placed the call to Vikram Singh. But, I now believe that Vikram was on his way to explain why he was working with LokSat," Castle continued the tale while Kate was out of the room.

"Are you saying that Vikram was a truly innocent victim in this?" Ryan scoffed.

"Not completely, but I also don't think that Vikram was cold-blooded. He was broke and needed money."

"Why are you telling us this, bro?" Espo asked.

"Because, I believe that Hayley deserves our forgiveness. Do I wish she had told us what was going on from the beginning? Yes. But, knowing what LokSat was capable of, I know why she couldn't."

"Was Caleb Brown hired to kill you and Kate?" Martha asked.

"No, he wasn't hired. However, there had been a plan put in place by Mason Wood."

"What kind of plan?" Alexis asked.

"That if members of the operation were either taken into custody or killed, there was a plan to eliminate the threat. If it hadn't been Caleb Brown, it would've been someone else."

"He was never on our side," Ryan said.

"No."

"Can I just say something?" Alexis stood up. "Before we thought that Hayley had sold out my dad and Kate, she was actually an asset to the P.I. firm. She was trying to find out who murdered Bracken. She was close to it, as a matter of fact. I know, because she was showing me how to get into Winterkill's security system."

"I want that dropped," they all turned when they heard Kate. She was standing in the master bedroom doorway, cradling Lily to her chest. "It no longer matters who killed Bracken. If the Justice Department wants to pursue that, they can do it. He was prosecuted for killing my mother. I got justice for her. If his family wants justice for him, then let them get it. I have to let this chapter of my life go. I have to think of Lily. I can't let this cloud her life. I want her to be happy. I mean it, Alexis. No more hacking into Winterkill's security system."

"Okay, Kate. I won't look into it, anymore."

Lanie had been sitting quietly next to Esposito, watching and listening. She found herself going back to that May morning. She remembered getting Castle's frantic phone call, and praying that they'd get to him and Kate in time. Espo noticed the faraway look on Lanie's face. "Lanie, are you okay?"

"It was chaos that morning." She looked at Castle, and then at Kate, who was still in the bedroom doorway. "But, the one thing that you both need to know is that Hayley tried to help us save you that morning. While Kevin and Javi were working on you, Castle, Hayley was helping me with Kate. If it was an act, then she deserves an Oscar. Because, she was every bit as upset as the rest of us were."

"She even went so far as to hire people to clean up the loft," Martha added.

"Castle, did she explain why you left those tapes in that bank in Montreal?" Ryan asked.

"No, but it's possible that she didn't know anything about that. She told me and Kate that she didn't see me again after L.A. At least, not until she cold-cocked me in that apartment," Castle rubbed his jaw at the memory. "I think I was probably with Jenkins when I left those tapes. I doubt we're ever going to know. Halloran told us that Jenkins has fled the country and I don't think he'll ever be back."

"Can I tell you what I think regarding those tapes?" All eyes turned to Alexis. "I think that you thought that you were going to die. All three tapes have the same message. They all read like goodbye messages. If you'd like, I can take a closer look at the tapes, and maybe find out when you made them."

"I don't think it matters so much, anymore. I got most of the answers that I wanted. It's over now. With any luck, Wood and the others will be going to prison for the rest of their lives. I agree with Kate. I think it's time to let it go. Kate and I have embarked on this new chapter of our lives with Lily. We need to devote our time to her."

"Dad, would you mind if I were to meet with Hayley? I just need answers. Answers that I can only get from her."

Castle looked at Kate, who gave him a small nod. "I want you to meet her in a public place. I want to trust her, but I'm still unsure."

"I'll meet her at Remy's."

Two days later, Alexis was sitting in a booth at Remy's, waiting for Hayley. The bell above the door jingled and Hayley came walking over. "Hello, Alexis." 

"Hayley."

"I'd give you a hug, but I have a feeling that your friends over there," she nodded toward a back table where Ryan and Esposito were sitting, "would have me in handcuffs."

"Their being here wasn't my idea. I walked in, and they were already here. My dad or Kate probably arranged it."

"It's okay. If you were my daughter, I'd probably react the same way. Hi, boys," she waggled her fingers at them, receiving duplicate glares in response.

"Let me guess. They're not amused?"

"Apparently not. Alexis, I'm sorry. About everything. I don't think you will ever know how truly sorry I am. If I could've told your dad and Kate the reasons for my being here, I would have."

"I understand why you couldn't tell them. Did you know that Caleb Brown was going to try to kill my dad and Kate?"

"No. I didn't know anything about the LokSat side of the operation; only that he existed. I was supposed to steer them away from him."

"Yeah, well, I should've told you how well that was going to work," Alexis sighed. "You can't steer Kate away from anything. And, my dad might've been successful in getting her to back down, but he would've just investigated it himself. Either way, it wasn't going to end well. How long were you with my dad when he was in L.A.?" 

"Just the five days that he was there. I called Henry Jenkins the night that I found Castle battered and bloody after he tracked LokSat's plane down to a small airport. He was hysterical; begging me to make him forget what he'd heard. I'd never seen anyone so scared, Alexis. But, I had no idea what was on that video. Not until we all saw it at the precinct that morning."

"He must've made it before you found him. Are you in trouble for lying before the Grand Jury?"

"Mr. Halloran said he'll make a determination about that at a later date. He said this whole case has confused him."

"Join the club. My dad and Kate are trying to decide whether they want to trust you or not. Kate is suspicious, by nature. My dad is probably the most trusting person you'll ever know. But, he's been burned so many times, by so many people. Including Kate."

"Alexis, I never meant to burn anybody. If I had said anything, it would've been signing Henry Jenkins death warrant. He was a friend. I couldn't do that to him."

"You do know that isn't his real name?"

"Sweetheart, nobody in the CIA uses their real name."

"Is it true that Jackson Hunt asked you to watch out for my dad?"

"Yes. I met him shortly before I was contacted by Henry."

"I think that one part of my dad wants you to come back to work with him at the P.I. office. I think he's waiting to see what Kate decides. She's been extremely protective since having Lily."

"I totally forgot. You have a new baby sister! Do you have pictures of her?"

"Are you kidding? I had to get a bigger SD card for my phone," Alexis pulled out her phone and opened the photo album. "Meet Lily Johanna Castle."

"Oh, she's lovely. How old is she now?"

"She'll be two months old on the 22nd."

"Tell your father and Kate congratulations."

"I will." She looked at the time on her phone. "I should get back home before they freak."

"Thank you for calling me, Alexis. If your dad doesn't take me back as his partner, can we still be friends?"

"I'd like that."

***CCC***

 _May_

Kate was sitting at the dining room table, trying to coax five-month-old Lily into eating one more spoonful of peaches. It had been just over one year since hers' and Castle's lives had been turned upside down. "Come on, Lily-Pad. One more bite and then we'll go see what daddy is doing." At the mention of the word 'daddy,' Lily grinned and kicked her legs happily. "I know. You're a fan."

Kate loved being a mom more with each passing day. Lily was an incredibly easygoing baby. She smiled constantly, laughed often, and was the joy of everybody she came in contact with. Kate found herself feeling more melancholy every day. Her maternity and medical leave was ending at the end of the month and Dr. Burke had concluded that he felt that she was ready to return to work.

She was wiping Lily's sticky face with a damp rag when her cell phone rang. She picked it up, surprised to see her father's smiling face on the screen. "Dad? What's going on?"

"Katie, has Halloran called you?"

"No. Why?"

"Turn on your TV. One of my colleagues heard that he's holding a press conference."

"Okay. I'll call you back. Castle!" She called out when she ended the call. "Rick!"

"What's wrong?" Castle came running out of his office, just as Kate's phone rang again.

"Wait! Hello?"

"Kate, it's Brian Halloran. I'm holding a press conference in 20 minutes. I would've given you more notice—"

"No, it's okay. I couldn't get a sitter this quickly."

"The Grand Jury is back, Kate. And, it's all good news. I'll talk to you in a couple of hours."

"Thank you," she hung up and looked at Castle. "Halloran is holding a press conference in 20 minutes. He said that the Grand Jury is back with indictments."

"Oh, thank god," he walked over and embraced Kate, feeling her wrap her arms tightly around him. They stood like that for several minutes until they both heard Lily protesting loudly.

"Oh, sweetie," Kate turned to the bouncer on the dining table. "Mommy's so sorry. Let me get her out and change her so I can put her down for a nap. Turn on the TV while I'm gone."

Kate took Lily into her room and put her on the changing table, holding her down while she reached down for a diaper and the container of wipes. "Lily, it looks like the bad guys who hurt mommy and daddy are going to go to prison." Lily chortled and waved her hands around.

After changing her, Kate took her to her crib and placed her inside, despite the baby's howls of displeasure. Kate covered her with her favorite blanket, knowing that she'd settle down and fall asleep within minutes of her leaving the room.

Castle was in the kitchen making coffee when Kate came back in. He'd turned the TV on to one of the local channels, where the news reporters had broken in to scheduled programming. He handed Kate a cup of coffee before leading her over to the sofa, where they sat down, and Castle turned the volume up slightly. "Here we go," he said when they saw Halloran approach a bank of microphones.

"A Grand Jury has been empaneled since November of last year. This morning, indictments were handed down to the following persons; Mason Wood, Rita O'Hara, and John 'Flynn' Doe. Mr. Wood and Mr. Doe have been charged with kidnapping, two counts of attempted murder, and drug trafficking. Mr. Wood has also been charged with two counts of conspiracy to commit murder, and unlawful imprisonment. Ms. O'Hara has been charged with drug trafficking and unlawful imprisonment. These three individuals were involved in a large-scale drug trafficking operation that had ties to former Senator William Bracken, who was murdered in prison in September of 2015. I will now take a few questions—"

"Wow," Castle breathed, feeling Kate's hand resting on his knee. "Kate, we did it."

"There were times when I thought it wasn't ever going to be over. That we were never going to be able to move past it."

"What happens now?"

"We'll meet with Halloran. I'm sure it'll be going straight to trial, probably by the end of the summer."

"So, by the fall, it should be over?"

"Hopefully. Why?"

"I just wanted to know that the end is in sight."

"It's in sight. We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just think, Castle," she rested her head on his shoulder. "A year ago, we didn't know if we going to live or die. Then, we found out that we were having Lily. It's been a crazy rollercoaster."

"Our life together has been a crazy rollercoaster. Would you care to celebrate?" He asked, just as both of their cell phones began ringing.

"I think celebrating will have to wait," Kate laughed. "Our families have seen the TV."

 **A/N #4: And, so ends Part Three. I know that it ends on a cliffhanger, but you can use your imagination. I will touch on the trial briefly at the beginning of Part Four, but after that, there will be no more mention of LokSat.**

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	37. A Huge and Unexpected Surprise

**A/N #1: This is the fourth and final part of my story, 'Forgetting.' This chapter will be the beginning of introducing the twins. This part will be between five and ten chapters long, depending on how much material I can find to write about. Then there will be an epilogue to wrap everything up.**

 **A/N #2: There is a significant time jump for this part.**

 **A/N #3: I also hope that I don't confuse too many people when I explain how a doctor can tell identical twins from fraternal twins. I was confused by this, too. I read that the boys who played Jake and Reece Castle at the end of 8x22 are identical twins.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **PART FOUR**

 **Chapter 37: A Huge and Unexpected Surprise**

 _Three and a half years later_

Kate was sound asleep when she felt the movement beside her on the mattress. Slowly opening her eyes, she smiled when she found a pair of extremely serious brown eyes staring back at her. "Good morning, Sunshine," she reached up to tuck a lock of Lily's long hair over her shoulders. "Why aren't you dressed? I thought that daddy was taking you to his work this morning. Aren't you going to help Alexis and Hayley solve cases?" She teased.

"Daddy's cooking me breakfast," Lily sat back on her knees, folding her small arms across her chest. "But, we have to have a serious discussion first."

Kate bit back a chuckle. She wasn't sure how many three-year-old's even knew what a discussion was. But, she and Castle had learned very early that their daughter wasn't going to be your average toddler. Her vocabulary had been quite advanced from an early age. "Okay, Lily," Kate struggled to sit up, swallowing back the huge wave of nausea that threatened to spill out all over the bed. "Can you make it a quick discussion, though? Mommy's not feeling very good."

"Don't throw up, yet," Lily threw her hands out. "I promise I'll be brief. Can I have my baby brother for my birthday?"

"Lily, your birthday is a week away. But, you will have a baby brother or baby sister by summer. Is that okay?"

"I don't want a baby sister. I already have a sister. I don't want another one. I want a baby brother."

"Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed that you get what you want."

"Lily," Kate heard Castle's voice in the doorway. "I laid out your clothes. Go get dressed so that you can eat breakfast. Mommy and I have to be at the doctor's office soon. Go on now."

"You heard daddy. Go," Kate watched Lily scamper from the bed and run to her room. The second that she was gone, Kate threw back the covers and made a mad dash for the ensuite.

Castle walked over and stood outside the bathroom doorway, cringing when he heard the sounds of Kate being ill. This time, pregnancy was not being kind to his wife. She was suffering from horrendous morning sickness for a good part of every day. Today, they were hoping to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

"Castle, your kid hates me," she came out of the bathroom, smelling faintly of mouthwash. She sighed when she felt him pull her against his chest. "I'm fat and I want to sleep all the time. I even fell asleep during a meeting at 1PP yesterday."

"Maybe you should take time off until you get past the first trimester."

"I can't take time off."

"I know that you think that, but will you at least consider it? Just for another few weeks. Please?"

"I'll think about it."

"I'll make you some toast while you're in the shower."

After breakfast, Castle and Kate loaded Lily into the car and drove to the P.I. office. Over the past three years, the practice had gotten quite successful, thanks in no small part to the word of mouth that had spread around town once LokSat was resolved. Castle was still considered a valuable asset to the Twelfth Precinct, who used his services when they were needed.

He opened the door and guided Lily inside, who was excited to see her older sister. "Hi, dad. Hi, Kate. Hello, Lily," Alexis gathered her sister up in her arms.

"Where's Hayley?" Lily asked.

"Well, she heard that you were coming to assist us today, so she went to get hot chocolate to celebrate. I left you some things in daddy's office," Alexis put Lily back on the floor.

Lily wasted no time in going over to the book shelf and pulling on the edition of Edgar Allen Poe, which opened the private office.

"Thank you watching her, Alexis," Kate said. "School's out for the Christmas break."

"I know. She'll be fine. How are you feeling?"

"Awful. But, I know he or she is safe in here," Kate placed her hands on her slightly rounded abdomen. "Lily wanted to know if I was having a baby brother for her birthday."

"She doesn't want another sister," Castle added.

"Well, a boy would be nice. That way, you won't feel so outnumbered," Alexis teased her father.

"We'd better go. We have an appointment with Dr. O'Malley in an hour."

An hour later, Kate was laying on the table in Dr. O'Malley's office, feeling him carefully palpate her uterus. For the moment, Kate had told Castle to wait in the waiting room. "Why am I so much fatter this time? I wasn't this big at this stage with Lily?"

"Well, you were also recovering from a serious injury. Every pregnancy is different, Kate. On a scale of one to 10, how severe is the morning sickness?"

"For the first two or three hours after I get up in the morning, it's about a nine. But, I think the fatigue is worse than the morning sickness. I'm constantly wanting to sleep. I was also exhausted during the first trimester with Lily, but I was able to sleep when I wanted back then."

"Carrying saltines will help with the nausea. Let's see if we can hear a heartbeat, shall we?"

Kate smiled in agreement. Dr. O'Malley picked up the Doppler device and moved it over her abdomen, instantly picking up the 'whoosh, whoosh' of a rapidly beating heart. Kate was watching the doctor's face as he moved the wand, and saw something come across it that she couldn't read. "Dr. George?" She called out his name. "Dr. O'Malley? Is something wrong?"

"Is Rick out front?"

"Yes," she said slowly. "Is everything okay?"

"Emma," he turned to his nurse, "Go and bring Mr. Castle back here. Kate, everything's fine. I just thought he'd want to hear the baby's heartbeat."

A minute later, Emma escorted Castle into the room. "There's something wrong," Kate's voice was tremulous as she reached for Castle's hand.

"Kate, nothing's wrong. I swear it. I just wanted Rick to hear this. I want you both to _see_ this. Emma, roll the ultrasound over."

Emma rolled the machine over and retrieved the gel from the warmer. After squirting the gel over her abdomen, Dr. O'Malley turned on the machine and moved the transducer over her gel covered stomach. "Kate, Rick, this is Baby A," they watched in fascination at the heart blipping on the screen, "and this is Baby B." He moved an inch or so over, allowing them to see a second blip on the screen.

"Can you repeat that?" Kate asked, still staring at the screen.

"Of course. Baby Uno and Baby Dos. Congratulations, you're having twins."

"Oh my god," Kate stared at Castle, who was just staring at the ultrasound screen. "Is that why the morning sickness has been worse and why none of my clothes fit me, even though I'm only about 10 weeks along?"

"That's probably exactly why. When you come in for your next appointment, I can tell you if you're having identical or fraternal twins. Right now, it's still a little early to tell."

"But, you will know with absolute certainty?" Castle asked.

"Yes. Kate, having twins over forty makes this a high-risk pregnancy. You're going to have to make some serious lifestyle changes regarding your job."

"Am I okay, otherwise?"

"Everything looks great. I want to see you again in four weeks and we'll do another scan to determine what kind of twins you're having."

Neither of them said anything until they got in the car to leave the medical building. "Wow," Castle breathed out before looking at Kate. "Are you okay? I know we used to joke about twins when you were having Lily. I know you weren't keen on it—"

"Castle, we've been trying to get pregnant for more than a year. Right now, I don't care if it's quadruplets. I'm just happy there's a baby in here," she took his hand. "But, as much as I know you want to tell everybody, I want to wait. They know we're having a baby. We'll tell them that everything is fine and then hit them with this bombshell after the next scan."

"What're you going to do about work?"

"Castle, I can still do my job and just stay out of the field. When I'm not there, Espo has everything covered, anyway. Can we go home and take a nap before going to get Lily?"

"A sexy nap?"

"No, Castle. A _nap_ nap. I'm too tired for sex."

***CCC***

After Kate fell asleep, Castle got up and went into his office to Google identical versus fraternal twins. While the idea of twins was very exciting, he also found himself concerned for Kate's well-being. Her pregnancy with Lily had been uneventful, despite the fact that she was recovering from serious injuries. But, now she was almost four years older. He couldn't deny that his wife was in top physical condition, but she also had a high-stress job. While she'd promised to pull herself from the field, Castle knew how headstrong she was. How much she wanted to be in the middle of the action. She hadn't been working during her pregnancy with Lily. He wasn't sure how being pregnant, especially with two babies, would impact her on the job.

He looked at his watch and realized that it was time for him to go get Lily. Passing through Lily's bedroom on his way to their bedroom, he smiled at his little girl's things. She was so excited to be a big sister. He knew that she was going to be equally thrilled to becoming a big sister to two babies.

Kate was still curled up, her hands under her chin, when she felt Castle snuggle up next to her. "Hey."

"Hey. I'm going to go and get Lily. Do you want me to pick up something on the way home?"

"Tacos."

"Okay. That will make Lily happy."

"It'll make Lily's mommy happy, too."

"I'll be back soon. You might want to start waking up. Lily worries when you don't get up."

"Be careful."

Kate stayed in bed for a few minutes after she heard Castle leave before getting up. After relieving herself, she stepped in front of the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and lifted her shirt up. There was no doubt that she was bigger this time than she was with Lily. The books she'd read had explained that while every pregnancy was indeed different, showing earlier was usually due to the muscles having already been stretched by a first pregnancy. "So, there are two of you in there. Two of you are soon going to be fighting for position over my kidneys, spleen and bladder. Not that I mind. I'm just so happy that you're going to be joining our family. I can't wait to see if there are two girls, two boys, or one of each in there. Of course, if you're identical, it's either going to be two of one or two of the other. I love you guys," she stroked her hand over her stomach.

***CCC***

"I hope you're not teaching my daughter to hack into NSA," Castle walked into the office, grinning when he saw Lily sitting on Hayley's lap at his old desk.

"I'm going to wait on that until she can read. How's Kate?"

"She's fine. I left her at home. Lily, get your coat. Mommy wants us to pick up tacos on the way home. Where's Alexis?"

"In your private office working on paperwork."

Castle pulled down on Poe, walking into his office where he found Alexis hard at work. "There she is, Private Investigator Alexis Castle hard at work."

"Well, somebody has to keep you in the lap of luxury. What did the doctor say?"

"Everything is great. Kate and the babies are right on track."

"Babies? Dad—"

"No, no. I said, 'Baby.' As in, Kate and the baby—"

"No, dad. You definitely said _'babies_.' As in more than one. Dad, are you and Kate having twins?"

"Kate is going to kill me! Alexis, you can't tell anybody! Not Grams, not Daniel, not Hayley. Nobody. Kate didn't want to say anything until the next scan. That's when the doctor will know if the twins are identical or not. Right now, it's too early to tell. Promise me that you won't tell anybody. Not even Daniel during pillow talk."

"Dad, Daniel is in North Carolina right now. He won't even be back until after the first of the year."

"Is everything all right between you two?" He couldn't help but notice the bitter ring to his oldest daughter's words.

"It'll work out. Don't worry about it."

"Alexis—"

"Dad, I'm fine. It's just . . . I think Daniel and I are on different pages right now. It'll either work out or it won't. Which is one reason I'm glad I haven't married him, yet," she looked down at the third finger on her left hand.

"All I ever want is for you to be happy."

"I know."

"Daddy?" He turned to find Lily standing in the doorway, buttoned into her coat. "I thought that we were going to get tacos. You don't want to make mommy angry."

"No, we definitely _don't_ want to make mommy angry. I'll talk to you tomorrow, pumpkin," he kissed Alexis on the cheek before walking over and scooping Lily into his arms.

"Bye, Alexis," Lily called out. "Bye, Hayley!"

"Bye, Sunshine!" Alexis answered back.

Kate was setting the table when Castle walked in with Lily 45 minutes later, a bag of tacos in one hand and Lily tightly holding his other one. "Hi, Sunshine," Kate greeted her daughter with a hug and a kiss. "I missed you so much today. What did you do with Alexis and Hayley?"

"Hayley and I did the map," Castle helped Lily with her coat before helping her into her booster chair at the dining table. "Did you know that there are 50 states? That's a lot of places to go."

"What state do you live in?"

"New York. It's the best state," Lily stated with a sage nod as both her parents bit back grins.

"Yes, it is," Castle placed a taco on Lily's plate, along with some rice.

"I want to go everywhere when I get big. Maybe I can go places with my brothers."

Kate shot Castle a look that read, 'What in the hell is she talking about?' "Uh, Lily. Let's work on one baby brother before we talk about another one. Okay?"

"Daddy told Alexis that you and the babies are fine. Babies means more than one. How many are you having? Trinity's dog had nine babies."

"Lily, eat your dinner," Castle directed his daughter with a stern look.

Kate tried to concentrate on her plate, but she found herself getting emotional instead. She got up from the table and quickly left the room. "Is mommy sick again?" Lily asked.

"I don't know. Eat your dinner while I go check on mommy."

"If mommy's sick, can I have her taco?"

Castle found Kate sitting on the edge of their bed. "Castle, I asked you _not_ to say anything about the twins! You had one job to do and you blew it!"

"It was an accident," he sat down beside her. "Alexis asked how you were feeling and I accidentally said that you and the babies were doing fine. I didn't even know Lily was in the room."

"Great! Alexis is going to tell Daniel, who can't keep his mouth shut for shit!"

"No," he stopped her. "Daniel isn't in town. He won't be back until after the first."

"And, that makes everything okay?"

"No, it doesn't. Kate, it _was_ an accident. Alexis isn't going to tell anybody else. I promise that nobody else is going to know. Now, you need to pull yourself together and come back to the dinner table. Because, Lily is threatening to eat your tacos if you don't."

"That's the other thing. How are we going to keep Lily from spilling the beans? She's three, Castle. A very mature three, but still three."

"We'll sit her down and have a talk with her. She understands surprises."

"Let's go eat dinner and then we can have a talk with Lily."

After dinner, Kate gave Lily a bath before taking her to her room and tucking her into bed, placing her stuffed elephant within easy reach. "Is daddy coming in to read me a story?"

"He'll be here in just one minute. Lily, I don't want you to tell anybody that I'm having two babies."

"Why?"

"Because, there are two kinds of twins. That's what it is when mommies have two babies. There are twins that look exactly alike and twins that look different."

"Like Alexis and I look different?"

"Exactly. The doctor wants to know if the twins are going to look the same or not. When we find out, then daddy and I will tell everybody about the two babies. Until then, you have to keep it a secret."

"Like when we had the birthday party for Auntie Lanie?"

"Exactly like that. Can you try to keep it a secret?"

"I can try."

"Good girl," she kissed her on the forehead, smiling when Castle walked into her bedroom from his office.

"Don't read," Lily pulled at the book in Castle's hand. "Tell me the story about me. That's my favorite story of all."

"Mommy had a bad accident. While she was in the hospital, a lady doctor—"

"Her name was Lily, like me," Lily grinned happily.

"Yes, her name was Lily, just like you. That's why we named you Lily. She came into the room and she brought a special machine with her. That machine was able to see inside of mommy and there you were, looking like a little pea pod."

"Were you and mommy happy?"

"We were very happy," Kate confirmed, remembering that moment all too well.

"And, then you went to Paris and that other doctor told you that I was a girl. How could he tell?"

"I'll explain that another time. For right now, you need to go to sleep," Castle helped her under the covers and tucked them around her.

After getting her settled and turning on a lamp that made the moon and stars rotate around her ceiling, Castle and Kate retired to the living room. Castle booted up his laptop to get some writing done while Kate relaxed against him. "Do you want two boys or two girls?" Her voice was drowsy.

"Well, two girls would really make me feel like I have my own harem," he mused, laughing when Kate rolled her eyes.

"You never feel outnumbered among all these women?"

"Nah. When it gets too bad, I have Ryan and 'Sito for backup."

"I hope they're both boys."

"Really?" He was surprised.

"Yeah. Two little boys with your eyes and your hair," she brushed the one stubborn lock that always fell over his eyes. "Your personality. Your love of life. I want to watch you help them grow into good men. Because, you are such a good man."

"I love you," he kissed her. "I think that's almost the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"Besides, these are going to be our last babies. We might as well have at least one of each. And, Lily's dead-set on having a brother and you know how she can get when she doesn't get her way."

"It's going to be just as great this time as it was when we were expecting Lily," his hands traveled to her stomach, softly caressing the gently rounded baby mound.

"It already is."

 **A/N #4: There's going to be another time jump, as well as a new case starting in the next chapter.**

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	38. The Case of Missing Juror 36

**A/N #1: The case I'm going to start in this chapter is loosely based on something that happened to me. Last February, I had jury duty. They kept sending us out on breaks because they weren't ready for us to come into the courtroom. Finally, they sent us to lunch, telling us to return at 1:30. We came back, and were finally allowed into the courtroom. All of us entered the courtroom, except for Juror #36. He never showed up and nobody could find him. Now, we know that he probably got tired of waiting and left, not realizing that he's now going to be in trouble for skipping out on jury duty. But, I kept thinking, 'This would make a great 'Castle' story.' So, I decided to murder Juror #36 on paper. On a side note, the trial I almost got selected for involved dirty cops who were running a fake prostitution sting.**

 **A/N #2: There's going to be another time jump in this chapter. And, you're going to meet Alexis' boyfriend, Daniel, who was mentioned in the previous chapter.**

 **A/N #3: I want to send a shout out to two reviewers. First, thank you to the one who referred as identical twins as a double-yolk egg. The second is to the reviewer who backed my writing Kate feeding Lily pureed peaches at the end of Chapter 36.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 38: The Case of Missing Juror #36**

 _Four weeks later_

Kate was in her office at the Twelfth, staring at the calendar on her phone, and trying to decide how to juggle meetings, Lily's various activities, and doctor's appointments into her always busy schedule. She had an appointment the next afternoon with Dr. O'Malley, where she and Castle were going to learn if the twins were identical or fraternal. Lily would be in school, so that wasn't going to be an issue. The four-year-old attended school half-days at Marlowe. Castle had already said that he could drop her off with his mother after the appointment, since he had meetings with Gina. Kate had a late afternoon meeting at 1PP, and they were having the family over to announce the news about the babies that evening.

Looking at her phone was exhausting. "Hey, Beckett?" She looked up at Espo, who was standing in her doorway. "I knocked, but you didn't hear me. We just got called to the courthouse. The dispatcher said something about a missing juror."

"Is the juror missing or has there been a murder?"

"I don't know. Ryan and I can go check it out. We'll call you when we find out."

"Okay. Thank you." Her phone rang shortly after Espo left. She smiled when she saw Castle's smiling face on her screen. "Hey, I was just thinking about you."

"And, just what were you thinking about?" She could practically hear his eyebrow wiggling up and down suggestively.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, lover boy. _That_ is the last thing on my mind right now. The boys are on their way to the courthouse. We might have caught a case, but I don't know, yet. I'll try not to be home late, but you never know."

"I'll explain everything to Lily. Who died?"

"Uh, I'm not sure that somebody is dead, yet. They have a missing juror."

"Somebody decided they didn't want to stick around?"

"Maybe. That's what I'm hoping, anyway. I don't know. You're the novelist. You come up with some scenarios."

"He got beamed up by a UFO."

"You're losing your touch. Your scenarios used to be so much more entertaining than being beamed up by UFO's."

"Okay, I'll try to step up my game and regale you when you get home."

"I look forward to that. I know what you're about to say, so let me stop you by saying I'll try not to be too late. I know that I need my rest."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Give Lily lots of hugs and kisses from me."

"I will." He hung up and looked over at Lily, who was laying on her stomach on the living room floor, coloring in one of her many coloring books. "Hey, Sunshine," he managed to sit down beside her, "Mommy might be late tonight."

"Bad guys again?"

"Maybe. She doesn't know, yet. So, I was thinking. Why don't we invite Alexis and Daniel over? We can order a pizza, so mommy has something to eat when she gets home."

"Why?"

"Why what?" Castle was confused.

"Why do you want to invite Alexis and Daniel?"

"I thought you'd want to see Alexis."

"Is Alexis going to marry Daniel?"

"Probably. They're engaged."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that they have plans to get married in the future."

"Were you and mommy engaged?"

"Yes. I asked her to marry me at our special swings." Lily knew all about the swings. The playground was her favorite place to go. "We got married just over a year later."

"When did you have me?"

"You were born a little over two years after we got married."

"After mommy had her accident?"

"Well, we found out about you when mommy had her accident."

"What kind of accident? Did mommy fall? Did she have a car accident?"

"I'll tell you all about mommy's accident when you're a little older. Now, do you want me to call Alexis?"

"Okay."

"Thank you," he winced when he got up from the floor to get his cell phone.

***CCC***

"We weren't ready for the jury to come in, so we sent them on a break," the bailiff was explaining to Ryan and Esposito. "When the judge and attorneys still weren't ready, we sent the jury pool to lunch. When they came in after the lunch break, that was when we noticed that Juror Number 36 was missing. We waited 15 minutes, and then we paged him through the intercom. There's been no response."

"Could he be outside and just didn't hear the page?" Ryan asked.

"Jurors can be paged outside. A lot of them go out during breaks to grab a smoke."

"Do you have his name?"

"Yes," the bailiff consulted the clipboard in his hands. "Edward Miller."

"We'll have uniforms take a look around the courthouse to see if they can locate him. Do you have any other information on him other than his name? Contact information?" Espo asked.

"I'll get it for you."

"Thank you."

"In the old days, this would be a case that Castle would eat up," Ryan observed.

"The dude probably got tired of waiting to go into a courtroom and decided to go home. He doesn't know that he'll now get a summons for skipping out on jury duty," Espo groused.

"Not to mention, his name will just go back in the pool, and he'll get called up again."

"Detective, here's Mr. Miller's personal information," the bailiff handed Espo a slip of paper with Miller's address, and phone number on it.

"Thank you," Espo pulled out his cell and dialed the number. "It's going to voicemail."

"Do you want to send a uniform to his address?" Ryan asked.

"Detectives!" One of the uniforms called out from the outside doorway. "We found something!"

They followed the uniformed officer out into the frigid January day, over to a row of hedges at the far north end of the building. Behind the hedge, they found the badly beaten body of an adult man. "Here's his wallet," the officer handed Espo a battered wallet.

"Edward Miller. Let me call the M.E. and Beckett."

***CCC***

"A murdered juror? Wow, I bet Kate doesn't get many of those," Alexis' fiancée, Daniel Larkin, helped himself to another slice of pizza.

"No, I believe this is a first. But, I'm betting that you've seen a few of them while working for the Fed's," Castle shot a look at Alexis.

"No, not murdered jurors. Murdered witnesses, yes. I can't imagine who would want to kill a juror," Daniel took a bite of his pizza.

"Uh, Daniel," Alexis looked at Lily before turning her attention back to him. "Maybe we should talk about something else."

"Oh, of course. Sorry, Short Stuff," he apologized to Lily. "Are you excited to be a big sister?"

"Yes," Lily answered before looking at her father. "Daddy, can I move my bedroom upstairs?"

"I thought you liked having your bedroom next to me and mommy."

"I do, but the bab . . . the _baby_ is going to be so little. I can do things by myself. My little brother can't."

"Oh, you're having a boy. Congratulations," Daniel smiled.

"Actually, they don't know the sex, yet," Alexis corrected him.

"But, Short Stuff just said—"

"Will you please stop calling her that? Lily doesn't like it."

"We haven't learned the sex of the baby, yet," Castle stepped in, hoping to avoid an argument between her daughter and Daniel. "But, Lily has her heart set on a baby brother, so we're rolling with it."

"Oh, okay."

"Daddy, I'm full."

"Okay, sweetie. Go and wash up."

"Can I wait up for mommy?"

"Why don't we wait and see? Hopefully, mommy will be home soon."

***CCC***

"Mrs. Miller, when was the last time you saw your husband?" Espo began his interrogation of Edward Miller's wife, Vanessa. The young woman was in her early 30's and approximately seven months pregnant.

"This morning. He had jury duty. I dropped our son off at school, and then I went to work."

"And, where would that be?"

"I'm a buyer for Neiman-Marcus."

"Did you talk to Edward after he arrived at the courthouse?"

"He called me at about eleven. He said that he was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to make it inside the courtroom. He told me that the jury pool had already been sent on two breaks. He told me he was going to go outside to get some air. I told him to just make sure he heard them when they called the jurors back in. I didn't want him to get in trouble. I don't know what I'm going to tell my son."

Kate was watching the interrogation through the one-way glass, listening to the words of the widow. The mom side of her felt for this woman suddenly being left alone with a young child and a baby on the way. But, she knew that the detective in her had to look at every person interrogated as a possible murder suspect. "Thank you, Mrs. Miller," the door opened, and Mrs. Miller walked out, followed by Ryan and Esposito. "If we have any further questions, we contact you." They watched Vanessa Miller get on the elevator as the doors closed behind her. "That's rough. Thirty years old with a seven-year-old boy and a baby due in a couple of months."

"You can feel sorry for her once you've ruled her out as a suspect," Kate reminded them. "Lanie called me with a C.O.D. Blunt force trauma to the head."

"Yeah, we kind of figured that out judging by the way his skull looked like he'd been hit repeatedly with a baseball bat," Ryan said.

"Why don't you guys call it a night? Pick things up again first thing in the morning."

"Sounds good to me."

"I'll be here early in the morning, but Castle and I have an appointment around lunchtime."

"Okay."

"I'll see you in the morning."

"'Night, Beckett."

***CCC***

During the drive home from her fathers' apartment, Alexis gritted her teeth while listening to Daniel prattling on and on about absolutely _nothing_. How could one person talk so much and not say anything worthwhile? She came to the realization that this relationship had been going nowhere for months. It was just like the situation with Pi so many years ago. Her friends had tried to warn her about Daniel, just like they had with Pi. 'Oh my god. Kate was right. It's a damn love haze.' She knew she couldn't do this anymore.

When they walked into their shared townhouse, Alexis watched Daniel go to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. "Daniel, can we talk?"

"What's on your mind, Red?" He asked, coming into the living room to sit down.

"Daniel, this isn't working, anymore. It hasn't worked for months. I thought maybe you're going away to North Carolina would help. That the distance would make me miss you. But, all I felt was relief."

"Alexis, I don't understand. Is there somebody else?"

"Why do you think there has to be someone else? For an FBI agent, you're so obtuse. You should be a pro at reading people. Yet, you can't even read my four-year-old sister."

"Is this about me calling her 'Short Stuff?' Come on, Alexis. She's a little kid. You know, a _short_ little kid."

"Yeah, I get it, Daniel. And, I've told you repeatedly that she doesn't like it when you call her that."

"Okay, I won't call her that, anymore. I don't understand why you're being so defensive."

"Because, Lily is my family! Dad and Kate are my family! Listen, I'm going to go back to my dad's for tonight. I'll make arrangements to move my things out. Here," she held her diamond engagement ring out to him.

"I wish you wouldn't do this."

Alexis quickly left the house, wanting to feel something besides immense relief. She had also noticed that Daniel hadn't said one word about loving her. She rarely said those words to him. Those three words were words that she heard exchanged between her father and Kate constantly. But, she and Daniel rarely said them to each other. She got behind the wheel of her car and called her father.

***CCC***

"How long is Alexis going to stay?" Lily whispered to her father. "Is Daniel going to stay here, too?"

"I don't know. We're not going to ask a lot of questions. Okay?"

"But, Alexis already has a house."

"Lily," Castle's voice had a warning tone to it, so the little girl finally stopped asking questions and instead curled up into her father's side, watching 'Paw Patrol' on TV.

A few minutes later, Lily perked up when she heard her mother's key in the front door. "Mommy!" She squealed when Kate walked into the apartment.

"Hey, Sunshine," Kate scooped her up, mouthing 'What is she doing up?' to Castle.

"Lily and I made a deal," Castle walked over, retrieving the preschooler from her mother's arms. "I told her that she could stay up until you got home, provided that you weren't real late. Lily, go brush your teeth. Mommy and I will be in to tuck you into bed in a few minutes."

"Tell mommy that Alexis is spending the night," Lily whispered.

"I will," Castle put Lily on the floor.

"Alexis is here?" Kate hung her coat up in the closet.

"She's in her old room. I don't know what to say to her, Kate."

"Let's get Lily to bed, and I'll see if she'll talk to me. Come on."

A few minutes later, Kate tucked Lily's comforter around her, brushing her long hair back. "Did you catch the bad guy, mommy?"

"Not yet. The boys are still interrogating people."

"You'll get him. You always do. Daddy says so."

"Well, we know that daddy's always right, don't we? Go to sleep. I love you."

"I love you, too."

They left Lily's room and returned to the living room, just as Alexis was coming downstairs. "Alexis, are you okay?" Kate asked. "Your dad said you were here tonight."

"I broke off our engagement. I've been thinking about it for a while. I'd try to picture being with him for the rest of my life, and—"

"You couldn't see it," Kate guessed, watching Alexis nod. "How did Daniel take it?"

"That's the weird thing. He didn't beg me to stay. He was just as unemotional about my walking out as he is about everything else. Don't Feebies have feelings?"

"I'm not even sure they have hearts," Castle ad-libbed.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. I want to be upset about it, but I don't feel anything. Is that normal?"

"It's perfectly normal," Kate consoled her. "You know that you're more than welcome to stay here until you figure things out."

"Thanks, Kate. I think I'm going to go up to bed."

An hour later, Kate was laying in bed waiting for Castle to join her. "Do you think Alexis is going to be okay?"

"It's going to sting, but she'll land on her feet," she told him, watching him climb into bed beside her. "After all, she is her father's daughter."

"Tell me about your dead juror."

"I thought you were going to come up with some theories for how he came to be dead," she reminded him.

"Well, I was, but I got distracted by our daughter. Oh, speaking of our daughter, Lily wants to move her bedroom. She wants to go upstairs, so that the baby can be closer to us."

"She's such a caring little girl, Castle. Her empathy never ceases to amaze me."

"She's just like her mommy," he kissed her, laying back and feeling Kate settled on his chest. "Get some sleep."

***CCC***

When Kate stepped off the elevator the next morning, she spotted Analyst Tory Ellis standing at Esposito's desk, talking to the boys. "Tory, do you have something on our dead juror?"

"I finally got his cell phone records and let's just say someone wasn't a fan," she handed Kate the printouts.

"Wow," Kate read over the sheet of paper. "Who sent these text messages?"

"The number belongs to one Vincent Carino, the victim's brother-in-law," Esposito said.

"Bring him in. He definitely has some explaining to do."

"What time is your appointment?" Ryan asked.

"One o'clock. I'm going to leave here at noon, so we don't have to fight traffic last minute."

"Beckett?" Ryan appeared concerned. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. Hey, you and Jenny are still coming over tomorrow night, aren't you?"

"Yeah. You asked us to come over."

"Bring the kids. It'll give Lily someone to play with. Let me know when Mr. Carino gets here."

Kate was in her office doing paperwork in preparation for her meeting at 1PP when Espo tapped on her door. "Carino is in Interrogation Room One."

"Okay. Thanks."

Kate got up and walked to the observation room to watch the interrogation. Vincent Carino was in his early 30's and had the build of a longshoreman; a big neck, beefy arms and a rugged face. "Why were you angry at your brother-in-law?" Esposito asked, cutting right to the chase.

"I didn't have a beef with Eddie," he argued.

"The text messages that you exchanged with him right before he was murdered tell a different story. Let me read them to you," Ryan picked up the printout and began reciting from it. "'Where are you? Where's my money? If you don't pay me what you owe me, I'm going to tell Vanessa.' What money are you talking about, Mr. Carino?"

"I helped him with the down payment on their house. They were living in a cramped, two-bedroom walk-up. When Vanessa said that she was having the new baby, I offered to help them buy a house. Eddie has a good job, but he couldn't swing the down payment. I offered to help him, and he agreed to pay me back."

"Let me guess," Espo said. "He didn't pay you back."

"No. No. He did, for a few months. Then, in the fall, he stopped paying me. He told me that things had gotten slow at work, and he wasn't working as many hours. When I asked Vanessa about that, she said it was the first she'd heard about his work hours being cut. She said that he was leaving at the same time and coming home at the same time every day. I don't know where his money was going, but it wasn't going to me, and I don't think it was going to his wife and kid."

"Did Vanessa tell you that?"

"My mother did. She said that Vanessa had called her in December. The power had been shut off. My mother paid to have the lights turned back on, and she gave Vanessa some money so that she could buy Christmas presents for my nephew. I was brought up to take care of my family. Eddie was failing in that respect."

"Where were you at 9:30 yesterday morning?" Ryan asked.

"At work. Carino's Meat Market on 79th and Amsterdam. It's my family's business."

"Thank you, Mr. Carino. We'll be in touch."

They left the interrogation room, walking into the ob room where Kate was still standing. "It sounds like Juror Number 36 had some secrets," she looked at the boys. "Check out Vincent Carino's alibi, and then go to Mr. Miller's place of employment."

"Do you want us to talk to Vanessa Miller again?" Espo asked.

"Have her come in. I can talk to her while you're out."

"Beckett—"

"Espo, I can handle a simple interrogation," she gave him a pointed look. "Call her in."

An hour later, Vanessa Miller stepped off the elevator, looking scared and unsure. "Mrs. Miller? I'm Capt. Beckett. I just have a few more questions."

"I'm sure that I told everything to those two detectives when I was here yesterday. I'm trying to make funeral—"

"This won't take long," Kate led Vanessa Miller into an interrogation room. "We talked to your brother this morning," Kate opened the interview once she'd sat down.

"Why did you talk to Vince? He didn't kill Eddie."

"We talked to your brother because this is a murder investigation. We explore every avenue, no matter where it leads us. Your brother revealed that you and your husband were having financial problems."

"Who doesn't? We'd been through rough patches before. Eddie kept telling me that everything would work out."

"Did your husband have life insurance?"

"I don't know. Probably. Wait! Are you saying that I had him killed for his insurance money? Lady, I have a seven-year-old son and a baby on the way! Why would I leave my kids without a father?"

"Women do it every day. Where were you—"

"I told those two detectives where I was. Why don't you ask them? Am I free to leave?"

"Yeah, you're free to leave."

Kate put her head in her hands after the widow left the room. 'Oh my god, I'm losing my touch.'

When she walked into her office, she smiled when she saw that Rick was sitting behind her desk. "Hey," she walked over and bent down to kiss him. "Let me shoot a quick text to the boys and we can go."

"Lily has been squared away. I dropped her off with my mother, who I'm sure will have her singing show tunes by the time we pick her up."

"Was Alexis okay?"

"She seemed to be. She went to the office. I didn't get to talk to her before I took Lily to school. How's your investigation going?"

"I don't know. Things aren't what they appear to be, that's for damn sure," she sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Later. Right now, let's go see what kind of twins we're having," she took his hand and led him out of her office, locking the door behind her.

***CCC***

This time, Kate wasn't shocked when Dr. O'Malley turned on the ultrasound. The images of the two hearts beating were reassuring, a sign that everything was okay with her babies. _Babies_. The concept was still so foreign. She and Castle had been trying to have one baby for more than a year, since shortly after Lily's second birthday. Lily had been more than a handful as a toddler. How in the hell were they going to handle two toddlers? How was she supposed to nurse two babies?

"Are they okay? Is everything okay with them?"

"So far, everything looks great. Let me tell you what I see," Dr. O'Malley took a laser pointer and aimed it at the monitor. "This is your baby's placentas, and these are the amniotic sacs."

"If you say so, doc," Castle continued staring at the screen.

"Let me explain this so that you can both understand. Think of identical twins as a double-yolk egg. Two yolks in one egg. Fraternal twins have their own placentas, and their own inner and outer sac. Identical twins can also have their own placentas, but this is very rare."

"What are we having? Can you tell?" Kate asked.

"Your babies share a placenta, and one outer membrane, called the chorion. They each have their own amniotic sacs. But, they are identical. Which means, you'll either have two boys or two girls. I'll let you get dressed, and absorb what I've just told you. Then, we can talk."

After wiping the gel from her stomach, Dr. O'Malley and his nurse left Kate and Castle alone. "Wow," Castle finally breathed out. "Why am I getting flashbacks of 'The Patty Duke Show?'"

"Oh my god," Kate sat up. "Castle, how are we going to handle two babies that look exactly alike?"

"Hey," he put his hands on her shoulders. "We'll tackle it just like we did Lily."

"But, there was only _one_ of Lily."

"Do you remember the Terrible Two's, otherwise known as Hurricane Lily?" Kate chuckled at the image her husband conjured up. "It's going to be okay. I'm so happy, Kate."

"I am, too. I'm just feeling—"

"I know," he pressed his lips to her forehead. "I know."

 **A/N #4: I hope I described identical twins correctly. One of my muses has twin granddaughters, who are known as mirror image twins.**

 **A/N #5: In the next chapter, the case heats up and the family learns Kate and Castle's news.**

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	39. Surprises Everywhere You Look

**A/N #1: This chapter starts where the previous chapter left off.**

 **A/N #2: Thank you for the wonderful response to the previous chapter. I'm glad to finally have my mojo back. This will be the first chapter written on my new laptop. I'm very excited. With the new laptop, comes a new version of Microsoft Word.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 39: Surprises Everywhere You Look**

"Here is some literature regarding twin pregnancy," Dr. O'Malley handed Kate a handful of pamphlets. "I'm sure that you must have a million questions for me."

"You're sure that they're identical?"

"One hundred percent. In a few weeks, I'll be able to tell you whether you have two boys or two girls in there."

"Can I have a natural delivery, like I did with Lily?"

"With twins, it can be a little trickier. There are a lot of factors involved that determine whether you can have a natural delivery."

"Such as?"

"A normal, healthy pregnancy, for one. If you breeze through this pregnancy like you did with Lily, and if Baby A is presenting head down, I can almost guarantee you a natural delivery. Right now, it's a little early to be thinking about that."

"Can I carry two babies to term?"

"More than likely, I'll induce you at 34 weeks. The baby's will be small, but not so small that they'll be at any risk. We'll just see how things go. I will be seeing you more often than I did during your first pregnancy. And, you're really going to have to cut back on your job, Kate. Absolutely nothing in the field. I'm very serious about that."

"Nothing in the field. Got it."

"How has your family taken the news of two babies?"

"The only ones who know are our daughters. I accidentally told Alexis, and Lily overheard me," Castle appeared sheepish.

"We're telling everybody else tomorrow night."

"Twins are an adventure, and I mean that in the very best way. Your lives are never going to be the same."

"I just hope we can keep up with them."

"The good thing is, Lily is at an age where she can do some things for herself," Dr. George told them.

"She's very excited," Kate smiled. "She wants a baby brother."

"Well, maybe she'll get two of them."

***CCC***

"Daddy's making lasagna tomorrow," Lily stood in front of her grandmother, who was pinning material to her. "I love lasagna."

"Your daddy makes the best lasagna. Let me see," Martha stood Lily at arms' length, eying her handiwork. "I'm glad you came over today to help me. You're the perfect sized model for the costumes."

"Are there little people in your new show, Grams?"

"No, but I needed to make small trees for the set."

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course you can."

"You can't tell anybody. But, if I don't say something, I'm going to blow up."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?"

"Mommy is having two baby brothers."

"Twins? Are you sure?"

"Daddy told Alexis, and I heard him. But, I don't think I was supposed to. You can't tell, Grams. You have to promise. Mommy said they're going to tell everybody tomorrow night. That's why we're having lasagna."

"In that case, I won't say a word."

"Can I ask you another question?"

"Darling, you can ask me anything. What's on your mind?"

"How did my two brothers and I get inside of my mommy's tummy?"

"It's magic."

"No way," Lily shook her head.

***CCC***

"Was Mr. Carino here all day yesterday?" Espo asked the girl working the register at Carino's Meat Market.

"Until seven last night. We had a huge delivery. He was here supervising."

"Do you know Mr. Carino's sister, Vanessa?"

"I know the whole family. It's a family-run business."

"Oh, sorry. When was the last time that you saw Vanessa's husband, Edward?"

"He was here last week. I think it was Wednesday or Thursday. The only reason that I remember is because my dad made him leave."

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Because, he got into a huge argument with Uncle Vinnie, and the customers out here were hearing it."

"Uh, Daniela," Ryan read the name on her badge, "did you hear what they were arguing about?"

"I didn't hear all of it, but I heard Uncle Eddie yelling at Uncle Vinnie that he and my grandmother needed to mind their own effing business and to stay out of his family's life. After that, my dad went back to the office, and Uncle Eddie left."

"Daniela, where is your dad now?"

"He's in the butcher shop in the back. Do you want that I should get him?"

"Yeah, I want that very much," Espo looked at Ryan.

A few minutes, a huge man stepped into the shop. Like his brother, Michael Carino had the build of a football linebacker. "Mr. Carino?" Ryan asked as the man nodded. "I'm Det. Ryan, and this is my partner, Det. Esposito. We have some questions about the murder of your brother-in-law, Edward—"

"I didn't do it."

"Your daughter was telling us that your brother and brother-in-law had an altercation last week. She said you asked Mr. Miller to leave. We just want to know what happened."

"What happened is my late brother-in-law was a no-good piece of shit who couldn't take care of my sister and his kid. He got pissed because my mother is a saintly woman who wanted to make sure her grandson had a decent Christmas. He wanted that his wife and son would sit in the dark because he couldn't pay the electric bill. My brother-in-law wasn't a very nice man, detectives. My guess is he messed with the wrong person and got what was coming to him. I escorted him off the premises last week, because he was messing with _our_ business."

"Did you see him after that?" Espo asked.

"No."

"Here's our cards," Ryan handed their cards over to the huge man. "If you think of anything, please call us."

"Why was it up to him to pay all the bills?" Esposito asked when they got into their car. "Vanessa Miller is a buyer for Neiman-Marcus. Don't buyers for these huge department stores make good money?"

"Yeah, but maybe she was saving her money. After all, she's going to be going on maternity leave soon. Plus, she comes from a traditional Italian family. One who thinks the man is the provider."

"But, Miller wasn't Italian, bro," Espo reminded him. "I have a feeling that he didn't share the same old-world sentiments as his in-law's. Anyway, let's head to The Eastside Docks, and talk to Miller's foreman. Find out why he couldn't support his family."

***CCC***

"Mommy! Daddy!" Lily raced into her father's arms.

"Hi, baby," Castle hugged her tightly.

"What have you and Grams been up to?" Kate asked, smiling over at Martha.

"Grams made me into little trees."

"O-kay," Castle looked at his mother for help.

"Lily was just the right size for me to create trees for my new play. What time is dinner tomorrow night?"

"We're going to try to eat at six, but we'd like everybody to be there an hour early," Kate told her.

"Do you need me to bring anything?"

"No, but, thank you. Lily, kiss Grams goodbye. Daddy and I have a few things to do before we go home."

"Bye, Grams," Lily ran over and hugged Martha. "Remember, not a word," she mimicked turning a key to her lips.

"I promise," Martha whispered back. "I'll see you tomorrow."

A short time later, Kate noticed that Lily was looking somewhat guilty about something. Normally, the grocery store was one of the preschooler's favorite places to be with her parents. But today, she didn't seem to be her usual gregarious self. "Lily, is there something that you need to tell me?" Kate asked, putting a package of lasagna in the back of the cart.

"You and daddy are going to be so mad," huge tears welled up in her eyes.

"Baby, there's nothing that you can say or do that will make me or daddy mad at you. Now, what do you need to tell me?"

"I was going to bust opened if I didn't say something!" She wailed, causing a lady walking by to turn and look at her.

"Lily, did you tell Grams that I'm having two babies?" Kate asked, looking at Castle, who'd just returned from the meat counter with a package of ground pork.

"Lily, that was supposed to be a secret," Castle chastised her, just as the little girl burst into gut-wrenching sobs. "Sweetie, don't cry. Hey, it's okay," he lifted her from the cart, feeling small arms and legs wrap around him. "I'm not mad. Neither is mommy."

"I didn't want to tell," she hiccupped. "But, the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them!"

"Hey, I get it," he forced her to pull back to look at him. "You're excited and you wanted to tell somebody. You know that Grams is a wonderful actress, right?" Lily nodded emphatically. "When we tell everybody tomorrow night, I bet that Grams will act just as surprised as everybody else."

"You won't tell her that I told?"

"That will be our secret. But, you can't tell anybody else. Okay?" Castle gave Lily his sternest look.

"I won't."

"Come on," he put her back in the front of the cart, "let's get some ice cream and go home."

***CCC***

"Edward Miller got laid off along with a half-dozen other men four months ago," Jim Lowery, Miller's former foreman, informed the two detectives. "I don't know where he's been going since then, but he hasn't been here."

"Did you have any issues with his employment here?" Espo asked.

"No. He was a good worker, but it came down to last one hired, first one fired. He'd only been here for six months before the lay-off's."

"Did he get any kind of a package when he was laid off?" Ryan asked.

"Are you kidding? A severance package is usually reserved for a 20-year man. All those guys got was a final paycheck."

"Thanks for your time, Mr. Lowery," Ryan said as he and Espo turned to leave.

"Hey," Lowery called out. "Check with the Union! They can tell you where he was before he got here and after he left here."

"Yeah, we figured that out, but thanks," Espo said. "We need to find out where Tory is on Miller's financials."

"I wonder if his wife even knew that he was working here," Ryan said as Espo started their car and pulled out into traffic. "If he'd only been here for six months, and he was laid off four months ago, where has he been going?"

"Let's go back to the precinct and see what Tory has. Then, we'll update Beckett. I wonder what her big news is. We already know she's having another baby."

"Who says she has big news?" Ryan asked.

"Bro, she's inviting everybody over. Not just us. She has big news. I'm going to laugh if she and Castle are having twins."

"Bro, that isn't _even_ funny," Ryan scoffed.

"Are you kidding? Do you remember what Castle was like when he first started shadowing her? Can you imagine two more of him running around?"

"Maybe they'd be like Lily," he smiled. "Come on, even you have to admit that Lily is one of the greatest kids ever. Besides my two, of course. But, that's if they were having twins, which they aren't."

"No, it could be triplets. Now, _that_ would be funny," Esposito grinned.

***CCC***

"But, why do you have to go back to work? I thought you were going to stay home with me and daddy," Lily whined. "I wanted to play CandyLand."

"Sweetie, I have a meeting with my bosses. I'll be home before we have dinner. I'll play CandyLand with you before bath time. Okay?"

"I guess."

"I'll see you in a little while," Kate hugged and kissed Lily before turning to Castle. "Do not let her take a nap this late," she whispered in his ear. "I know she'll be cranky, but we'll have to deal with it."

"Okay. Be careful and we'll see you in a couple of hours." After closing the door behind Kate, Castle turned to Lily, who was still staring at the floor with a huge frown on her face. "Come on, sweetie. Let's go and play."

"Daddy, are you going to stay with me and my brothers all the time? Mommy is never here. She always has to catch bad guys or talk to her bosses."

"Well, she'll be here more since she's having two babies," Castle tried to explain.

"Why?"

"The doctor wants her to take things easier. It's a little harder having two babies than it was when she had you. So, I think mommy will be home a little bit more."

"Grams told me that my two brothers got inside mommy's tummy by magic. How did they really get in?" She came over and wrapped her arms around Castle's knees, her huge brown eyes staring up at him.

"I'll tell you what," he bent down to her level. "When mommy gets home, we'll both try to explain that to you."

"Is it going to be highly technical and boring?"

Castle laughed, wondering where his small daughter came up with the things that she said. He'd never in his life heard a four-year-old talk the way that she did. Even Alexis hadn't sounded that grown up at the age of four. "It might be 'highly technical,' as you put it, but it isn't going to be boring."

"Can I go play?"

"Yes, you can go play." Once Lily was out of the room, he pulled out his cell phone and sent a text to Kate. **'Lily wants to know how her brothers got inside you. Is four too young to have the sex talk? My mother hasn't even had that talk with me.'**

It was half an hour later before his phone chimed with an incoming message. He smiled when he read it. **'I don't think there's anything your mother can tell you that you don't already know. Do NOT get technical with Lily. Remember that she goes to preschool. I don't want phone calls from angry parents.'**

' **Well, at least I now know where she learned the word 'technical.'**

' **I'll talk to you later. I'm about to go in to talk to Gates.'**

***CCC***

The meeting with the brass at 1PP was about the usual boring stuff that was talked about at every meeting since the beginning of time. It was all Kate could do to keep her eyes opened until it finally ended an hour later. She was walking out when Chief Gates stopped her. "How does Lily feel about being a big sister?"

"She's very excited. She now wants to move her bedroom upstairs, because the baby will need us. I'm glad that she's so happy, but it's also a little bittersweet."

"It's always hard to watch our babies grow up. How is your new case coming along?"

"I was about to head back to the Twelfth to check in with the boys before heading home. Are you and Tom coming to the house tomorrow night? Castle is making lasagna."

"We will be there. Take care of yourself, Kate."

"I will. Thank you, sir."

Snow flurries were falling when Kate left the parking garage at 1PP to head back to the precinct. She parked in front of the precinct and quickly went inside, taking the elevator up to the fourth floor. She found the boys and Tory in the IT room. "What's going on with the Miller case?" She asked.

"This guy was an enigma," Tory said.

"In what way?"

"We talked to his former employer—"

"Wait! _Former_ employer? I thought he had a good job working at the docks."

"He did. He got laid off four months ago. He hasn't worked anywhere since. But, according to his financials, he had 14 grand deposited into his checking account at the end of November," Ryan pointed to the computer screen, showing Miller's checking account information.

"If he had 14 grand in November, why couldn't he pay his electric bill in December?" Kate wondered out loud.

"Why wasn't he paying back the money his brother-in-law gave him?" Espo wondered.

"Because," Tory scrolled to the next month, "by the first of December, he was broke."

"Completely?" Kate asked.

"On December first, Mr. Miller had a whooping checking account balance of 83 dollars and 12 cents. That would barely buy a week's worth of groceries."

"What in the hell was this guy into?"

"Nothing good, that's for damn sure," Ryan said. "He was hiding secrets from everybody; his wife, his family."

"No, not everybody. Somebody out there knows what he was into. Did you talk to his friends?"

"We didn't find any friends," Espo looked at his boss.

"Espo, everybody has at least one friend. One person that they confide things to. If we find that one person, we might be able to discover what Mr. Miller's secret was. Talk to his wife again. It didn't go well when I talked to her earlier. She didn't trust me. Maybe she'll open up more to you and Ryan. Tory, we need to find out if Miller had a life insurance policy. And, if he did, find out who the beneficiary is."

"On it."

***CCC***

"I don't know what more I can tell you," Vanessa Miller opened the door to the two detectives. "Besides, my son is home. I don't want him hearing bad things about his dad."

"Mrs. Miller, we don't want him to hear bad things about his dad, but we also want to find out who did this," Ryan tried to reason with her.

"Fine," she turned, and they stepped inside, Ryan closing the door behind them. She led them into the living room where a small boy was playing with some toy cars. "EJ, can you take your cars to your room? I need to talk to these men about daddy."

"He's a good-looking boy," Espo commented as they took seats on the sofa.

"Thank you. Do you have kids?"

"I have two, a seven-year-old daughter, and a five-year-old son," Ryan said.

"Mrs. Miller, did you know that Eddie had been laid off from his job at the docks?" Espo watched her reaction to the news.

"When?"

"In September."

"I didn't know, but it does explain a lot."

"Such as?" Ryan took out his notepad.

"We had just bought the house in July, right after I found out that I was pregnant. Eddie borrowed half of the down payment from my brother, Vincent. He gave him some of the money back in August. But, after that, Vinnie started calling me and telling me that Eddie was avoiding his phone calls about the money."

"Mrs. Miller-"

"Please, call me Vanessa."

"Vanessa, do you mind if I ask why you didn't pay your brother back? As a buyer—"

"I didn't tell the exact truth about that," she looked at Espo. "I _was_ a buyer for Neiman-Marcus, but I've had problems with the pregnancy, so I was forced to take leave. I've been getting a check, but it barely covers our necessities and it definitely doesn't cover the mortgage. I couldn't afford to pay Vinnie back. It's all I can do to buy food and pay doctor bills."

"Did Eddie have any close friends? Anybody he'd talk to if he was in trouble?" Ryan asked.

"The guys that we knew in Flatbush were thugs. Most of them are either in prison or dead now. But, there was one guy. Ted . . . Ted McCloud. He owns a garage in Flushing Meadows. When Eddie first started working on the docks, he worked with Ted. I remember that he was one of the groomsmen at our wedding."

"Thanks. We'll talk to him."

"Can I ask you a favor?" She turned to Ryan. "You have kids. You know how to talk to them. I don't know how to explain to EJ about what happened to his dad. I told him that it was an accident, but kids . . . they always seem to know the truth."

"I don't know," Ryan looked uncomfortable.

"I can talk to him," Espo offered.

A few minutes later, Espo stood in the doorway of a small bedroom, watching EJ play with his metal cars. "Do you collect Hot Wheels?" Espo asked.

"I like the old ones. My dad . . . we used to look for them at the flea market. Did somebody do something bad to my dad? My uncles and my grandma were here last night. I heard them crying and my uncles sounded mad."

"Yeah, somebody hurt your dad. My partner and I are going to find the person who did it."

"Do you always catch the bad people?"

"Yeah."

"What's your name? I'm Eddie Junior, but everybody calls me EJ or Little Ed."

"My name's Javier, but my friends call me Javi or Espo. My partner's name is Kevin. EJ, I'm sorry that somebody did this to your dad."

"Uncle Vinnie and Uncle Mike told me that I'm the man of the house now. I have to take care of my mom and my baby sister."

"Yeah, you're the man of the house, but you also need to take the time to be a little kid."

"Just catch the bad people, okay?"

"You've got it."

***CCC***

"Okay, Javi. You can drive to Flushing Meadows tomorrow and talk to the friend. Thanks for calling. Bye," Kate hung up and returned to the game she was playing with Lily.

"Why do they have to call you?"

"Because I'm their boss and they have to keep me in the loop."

"What does that mean?"

"That means, that I have to know what's going on, so I can tell my bosses."

"So, they can be in the loop?"

"Exactly. Speaking of being in the loop, I understand that you want to know how the babies got inside me."

"Grams said it's magic."

"It's kind of like magic. Your daddy loves me, and our love made you. And, now it's going to make your two brothers or your two sisters."

"Brothers. It can't be sisters."

"Lily, why don't you want sisters?" Castle asked, settling down between Kate and his daughter.

"Trinity has a sister, and she's always taking Trinity's toys. Brothers won't want my dolls."

"I see. That makes sense."

"When will my brothers come out?"

"Not for a long time. They have to stay inside me so that they can grow. When they're bigger, they'll be born." Kate could practically see the wheels turning in Lily's head, her tiny brow furrowed in concentration. "What's on your mind, Sunshine?"

"Won't it get crowded in your tummy?"

"My womb is the place where the babies will grow. Yes, it will get very crowded, but my womb will stretch to make room. It was very crowded when you were in there, too," Kate smiled at the memory. "Come on, it's time to put the game away so you can take a bath."

Kate and Castle were relaxing on the sofa a short time later when Alexis walked in. "Hey, pumpkin. How was your day?" Castle greeted her.

"Long. I went out with Hayley afterwards. She's already trying to fix me up with other men. I just want to be alone for a while."

"Have you talked to Daniel?" Kate asked.

"He stopped by the office at lunchtime. He's flying to Toronto in the morning. He told me to keep the townhouse. He's never there, anyway."

"Well, that was very magnanimous of him," Castle quipped.

"Actually, I thought it was sweet. He still thinks he did something wrong. I tried to tell him that it wasn't him; it was us. We just didn't work. Anyway, I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

"'Night, pumpkin."

"Goodnight."

***CCC***

The next evening, the boys and Lanie arrived shortly after five. Lily excitedly grabbed Sarah-Grace and Nicholas, dragging them off to her bedroom. "Ted McCloud called before we left the precinct. We're going to talk to him in the morning," Espo said.

"Good. Maybe we can get this wrapped up."

Castle brought out the lasagna and salad once everyone had arrived. Chatter and easy laughter flowed out among the large group of extended family. "Castle, your lasagna is better than anything I've ever had in Little Italy," Tom Gates complimented the chef. "What is your secret?"

"Well, I could tell you, but then I'd probably have to kill you," Castle said, as the group around the table laughed. "In all seriousness, though, I know a lot of Italians and not all of them are mobsters," he looked at Chief Gates. "I got my sauce recipe from a capo that I met when I was researching one of my early Derrick Storm books. He gave it to me on the condition that I never share it with anyone."

"Dad's not the only Italian chef," Alexis spoke up. "Kate makes a meat sauce that is to die for."

"Thank you, Alexis."

"Mommy?" Lily stepped up beside her mother's chair. "Can I have more lasagna?"

"Lily Johanna, you're wearing most of it," Kate laughed, scrubbing at Lily's sauce covered face with a napkin. "Bring me your plate and I'll get you some more."

Lily walked over to the small table she'd been sharing with Sarah-Grace and Nicholas, and picked up her empty dinner plate, carefully carrying it over to her mother. "When can we tell everybody?" She whispered to her mother.

"Hold on," Kate lifted Lily onto her lap and looked at Castle. "What do you think, Castle? Do you think we can let Lily announce why everybody is here tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know. Do you think she can handle the responsibility?" He teased.

"Daddy, I'm about to bust opened!"

"Tell everybody, Lily," Kate handed her a tea spoon. "Don't tap hard, okay?"

Lily tapped the tea spoon against Kate's water glass, getting everybody's attention. "I have an announcement to make. My mommy and daddy are having two babies. I'm going to have two brothers!"

"Twins!" Jim Beckett almost dropped his tea glass. "Katie, Rick, that is wonderful news!"

Everybody was hugging and talking all at once. "Katherine, Richard, I feel so blessed right now. Congratulations," as Castle had told Lily, her grandmother managed to act surprised.

"Congratulations, Beckett," Ryan hugged her. "But, Espo had been guessing that it was triplets. Lily, you are going to be a great big sister."

"I know."

Later that night, Kate rolled over toward Rick, who was writing in his moleskin notebook. "What're you writing?"

"An outline for a new book. Do you want to start picking out names?"

"I already have boys' names picked out. And Lily is insistent that we're not having girls. Remember when we had the loft remodeled while we were in Paris?"

"Yeah."

"You said that you wanted our son to be named after Jake Reece."

"Beckett, Jacob Reece is one name. We need a second name," he reminded her.

"We have a second name. Jacob Richard and Reece Alexander."

"You want our sons to be named for me?" His voice caught.

"Of course, I want our sons to be named for you. What do you think?"

"Jake and Reece. I love it," his lips came down on hers, sharing a tender kiss. "I love you. All three of you," his hands came down on her baby bump. "Dr. O'Malley was right. This is going to be a great adventure."

 **A/N #3: My Unmuse, Chuck, read this and proclaimed that he knows what Edward Miller was up to. I asked him how he could know when I don't even know what he was up to. Yes, I'm making this up as I go along. That's how I write.**

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	40. Family Feud

**A/N #1: Please don't send me reviews asking when I'm going to update a story. Particularly if you're a guest reviewer. I have no way to personally respond if I don't know who you are. I do intend to finish 'Tell Me a Story' as soon as I finish this story.**

 **A/N #2: I received a review for the previous chapter telling me that Kate would likely be induced at 36 weeks, and not 34, if she was induced, at all. Thank you for the correction.**

 **A/N #3: This chapter starts where the previous one left off.**

 **A/N #4: Since writer's block is rearing it's ugly head once again, I'm probably going to wrap the case of the Missing Juror up in this chapter or the next.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 40: Family Feud**

Kate and Castle were cuddled together on the sofa after their dinner guests had departed and Lily was tucked in her bed. "You forgot the part about the twins being identical," Castle's voice was soft.

"We can save that for the gender reveal party," she grinned.

"Good idea."

Kate felt warm and sleepy cuddled beside her husband, but a sudden noise made her sit up. "Did you hear that?" She asked.

"Hear what? I didn't hear anything," he watched Kate get to her feet and head in the direction of their bedroom. "Is Lily out of bed?"

"I don't know. I'll be right back." Walking into the master bedroom, Kate saw that the ensuite door was closed. "Lily? Are you okay? Lily? Please answer me."

"I'm okay," she finally heard the muffled voice of her daughter.

Kate opened the bathroom door to the sight of Lily holding up her pajama shirt and staring at her bare stomach in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. "Lily, what're you doing?"

"Trying to see where my door is going to be. Does my belly button turn into a doorknob?"

Kate entered the room and sat down on the toilet, reaching for Lily's hand and pulling her between her knees. "Baby, I don't understand what you're talking about. What door are you looking for?"

"The door on my belly so that my babies can get out when I'm a mommy."

"Oh, okay. Lily, I promise that one day very soon I will explain how you got out of me and how the new babies will get out. But, I can tell you this much. It wasn't through a door. But, right now, you're supposed to be in bed asleep and not wandering around."

"I wasn't wandering around."

"Lily," Kate's voice had a stern edge to it.

"Well, I wasn't."

At moments like this, her small daughter looked and acted very much like her father. Most of the time, Kate found this amusing. But, tonight she was tired. "Come on, let's get back into bed."

"Will you read to me?"

"Lily, I already read to you."

"Please?" Lily turned to her, huge brown eyes beseeching in her small face. "I'll go right to sleep."

"Find me a short book. I mean short, Lily Johanna. I'll be in your room in a few minutes."

"What's going on?" Castle asked when Kate came back into the living room to grab her bottle of water.

"Your daughter has decided to act like she's four."

"Well, she _is_ four," he reminded her.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

Kate walked back into Lily's bedroom, smiling when her daughter presented her with one of her Golden Books, which were all short. She then stretched out on the bed, feeling Lily mold herself into her side. "If you don't have a door, how are they going to get out?" Lily whispered.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Kate asked, biting her lip when Lily smiled and shook her head. "Lily, I promise that I will tell you. I just need to find a way to explain it so that you will understand it. And, that isn't going to happen tonight."

"Tomorrow?"

"Soon. Let me finish reading so that you can go to sleep. It's past your bedtime."

"Mom, tomorrow is Saturday."

"Then, it's past my bedtime."

By the end of the book, Lily's body was heavy with sleep against Kate. After closing the book, she carefully got up and moved Lily under the covers, placing her doll and stuffed elephant within easy reach. She then bent down and kissed her on the forehead before leaving the room, turning the moon and stars light on, bathing the room in a warm glow.

Castle was in the kitchen making a snack when Kate came back out. "Your daughter is exhausting," she sat down on one of the stools.

"Is she asleep?"

"Finally. How old was Alexis when you told her where babies come from?"

"I think she was the one who told me where they come from," he teased, stopping when Kate fixed him with a look. "I'm not sure. Six or seven, I think. Just think, if you explain it well enough, she'll never even think of having sex. That's a win-win."

"My mother told me, and it didn't stop me from having sex," she came into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around his waist and nipping at his neck.

"Is that a hint?"

"Uh-huh."

"Just let me put his stuff away."

After making love, Castle spooned himself around Kate, his hands resting on her stomach. "Are you going to go in tomorrow?"

"Only if the boys need me for something. Why?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could take Lily out tomorrow if the weather isn't too bad. We could go to the museum or the library. We need to do as many things with her as we can before the babies get here."

"Do you think she's feeling left out?" Kate turned into his arms.

"No, but she might once the babies get here. After all, babies get a lot of attention. I don't want her to feel neglected. Do you feel up to going out?"

"I don't know. I still get so tired. The library might be a good idea. They have the story lady there on Saturday and Lily always enjoys that."

"Okay, so we'll go to the library if the weather is good. Otherwise, we'll do something here."

"Sounds good. Are you excited?" She took his hand and placed it back on her stomach.

"Excited, and a little scared."

"Me, too. Lily was such an easy baby and there was only one of her. I don't know how I'm going to handle two."

"You'll handle it like you handled doing things with Lily. By trial and error. I'll be there."

"I know. I guess I should do some reading."

"We both will. Right now, we should get some sleep."

The next morning, Castle was making breakfast for Lily, who was sitting on a stool at the counter with a glass of orange juice in front of her. "I don't get it."

"You don't get what, baby?" Castle asked, expertly flipping a pancake on the griddle.

"Why do my brothers always make mommy throw up? Did I make mommy throw up?"

"Sometimes you did. Mommy gets sick because of something called hormones. Right now, she has a lot of them because of the babies and that's why she gets sick."

"Daddy, do you know where babies come from?"

"I'd better or you wouldn't be here."

"Why won't mommy tell me? Does it have anything to do with why boys are different than girls?"

Instead of immediately answering, Castle put a pancake on a plate, slathering it with butter and syrup before placing it in front of Lily. "Eat your breakfast. I'm going to check on mommy."

Castle walked through the bedroom to the ensuite, slowly opening the door to check on Kate, who was sitting on the toilet with her head in her hands. "Castle, your babies are trying to kill me."

"It'll ease up soon. Why don't you go back to bed for a while? I've got things under control with Lily."

"I'm sorry, Castle," she finally looked up. "I know that you wanted to do things today."

"We still can. Once you're feeling better, we'll have family movie day. Come on, let's get you back into bed for a little while. I'm confiscating your phone."

"Castle—"

"No. Unless the precinct catches fire, whatever is going on can wait. Ryan and Esposito have been doing this for a long time. They don't need their hands held."

Slowly rising to her feet, Kate swayed slightly, feeling Castle's arm immediately coming around her waist to support her. "Castle, I'm okay."

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. Concern is written all over your face. It's just morning sickness. Double the babies means double the hormones. I'll feel better once I'm dressed."

"Are you sure?"

"Castle, let me get dressed. I can't spend the next five months in our bed. I have a precinct to run and a four-year-old to take care of."

"I'll make you some tea and toast." 

"That would be nice."

Lily was patiently waiting for her father to return when Alexis came downstairs. "Hey, Sunshine," Alexis walked over and embraced her sister. "Where's daddy?"

"Taking care of mommy. My brothers are making her throw up. Did you make your mommy throw up?"

"Probably."

"I'm never going to have a baby. I hate throwing up," Lily made a face.

"It doesn't last very long," Alexis laughed, going into the kitchen to get some orange juice. "Would you like to come to work with me?"

"No. I'm going to stay here and help daddy take care of mommy."

"That's very sweet."

"You will be happy to hear that your mommy will be out in a few minutes," Castle announced, coming out of the master bedroom. "Good morning, Pumpkin. Would you like some pancakes?"

"No. I'll grab something on the way to work."

"You're going in on a Saturday?"

"Ryan texted me. He wants me to run some background checks on the Miller-Carino family. He wants me to see if I can find any skeletons in either of their closets. I should be home early."

"Be careful."

"I will. Tell Kate that I hope she feels better."

***CCC***

"Are you Vanessa Miller?" Alexis asked the young woman who entered the P.I. office an hour later.

"Yes. You said over the phone who you are, but I don't understand why I'm here."

"I'm helping the police investigate your husband's murder. This is my associate, Hayley Shipton. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Some water?"

"Of course," Hayley walked to the small icebox in the corner of the office and returned with a bottle of water.

"Have there been any family feuds?"

"Feuds? Are you saying that someone in the family is responsible for Eddie's death?" 

"No," Hayley was quick to shake her head. "That's not what we're saying, at all. We're exploring every avenue. It's just that families bicker. It's almost always small stuff, but small stuff can fester."

"This is stupid . . . my husband's sister and I . . . we don't get along. It's not even that. We don't talk to each other. I don't think we've said a word to each other in five, maybe six years. I don't know why. My husband has even asked her what I've done. She says that I haven't done anything. When we visited at Thanksgiving, I overheard her saying something to one of my other sisters-in-law about my pregnancy. She said that she wondered whose baby it was, because it couldn't be Eddie's." 

"Why would she say that?" Hayley looked at Alexis in shock.

"Because our son is eight years old. She had four kids in seven years. Eddie and I were married for 14 years. It took me a long time to get pregnant with EJ. We couldn't afford those fancy tests to see why it took so long. When we came home Thanksgiving night, Eddie knew that I was upset. I didn't want to tell him why. I knew he was going to be pissed."

"Did he confront her?"

"No. He said something to his brother. The next day, his brother called me and wanted to know why I was talking shit about his wife. Excuse my language. I told him what I had heard. He told Eddie that I'd misunderstood her. I didn't misunderstand anything. I know what I heard. I told Eddie that I'm tired of going to their house and feeling like me and my son aren't welcome."

"Mrs. Miller—"

"Please, call me Vanessa."

"Vanessa, do you think your brother-in-law could've killed your husband?"

"John spent seven years in Sing-Sing for manslaughter. He killed a man in a bar fight. He got out eight months ago. If he didn't do it, he knows people who'll kill for a price."

***CCC***

"Ted McCloud was a bust, Beckett," Ryan's voice came over the speaker of Kate's cell phone. "But, Alexis gave us a new avenue to explore. It seems that John Miller, Edward's older brother was paroled eight months ago from Sing-Sing after doing seven and a half years for manslaughter."

"Why would his own brother kill him?" Kate asked.

"It seems that there's bad blood in the family. It's stupid stuff, but it makes sense."

"Was Miller working for McCloud? Have you found out what happened to the sixteen grand that went missing from his bank account?"

"McCloud didn't have any work, but he put us in the direction of someone who knew about the money."

"And?"

"He paid off his wife's car. He told the dealership that it was one less bill they'd have to worry about with a new baby on the way. They had bought the car at the end of last summer, and the balance on it was almost sixteen thousand dollars."

"It was like he knew something was going to happen to him," Kate looked to her right at Lily, who was hanging onto every word of her mother's conversation. "Ryan, hold on a second." She got up and left the room, going into Castle's office. "I'm sorry. I had a junior interrogator hanging onto every word of our conversation. My fault for putting you on speaker. It's late. Call John Miller in the morning and ask him to come in."

"You've got it. Are you coming in tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Good night." Kate returned to the living room, once again snuggling up with her husband and daughter. "Lily, eavesdropping is very rude."

"You were the one who had your phone on speaker," came the wise response from her young daughter. "Did Uncle Kevin catch the bad guy?"

"I don't know, yet. After the movie is over, you need to get ready for a bath."

"Are my brothers still making you sick?"

"I'm feeling better," Kate kissed the top of Lily's head. "Let's watch the movie."

"The Wicked Witch is about to get melted. Can I get some ruby slippers?"

"We'll see."

Twenty minutes later, Castle was cleaning up dishes from the snacks they'd consumed during their family movie marathon while Kate went to give Lily a bath. He was about to place a bowl in the dishwasher when he heard the blood-curdling scream of his daughter. He dropped the dish to the floor, barely hearing it shatter in his rush to get to the bathroom.

"Mommy, wake up!" A naked Lily was kneeling by Kate's side, shaking her mother.

"Lily, go and get my phone!" Castle ordered.

"Do you want me to call 9-1-1?"

"Do as I ask!" He shouted at the frightened little girl. "Kate? Kate, can you hear me?" He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard her moan and struggle to sit up. "Take it easy. You fainted."

"My head," she rubbed the side of her head. "Castle, where's Lily?"

"Here's your phone," Lily came back into the room and handed her father his phone. "Mommy, mommy," she hugged Kate, bursting into tears.

"I'm okay, sweetie. Where are your clothes?" 

"You fell and went to sleep."

"Lily, go find your robe. Take my phone and call Alexis. Can you do that?" He gave the phone back to her.

"Yes."

"Good girl. Kate, let's slowly get you to your feet. Okay?"

"Sounds good."

Castle slowly eased Kate to her feet and guided her into their bedroom. "Stay there. I'm going to get the blood pressure monitor."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed and put her hands on her head. "I just got so dizzy."

"Let's take your blood pressure."

"Mommy fell and went to sleep," he could hear Lily on the phone with Alexis. "She's awake now. Daddy, Alexis wants to talk to you."

"Hey, Pumpkin," Castle rested the phone between his head and his shoulder while he placed the blood pressure cuff around Kate's arm.

"Dad, what's going on?"

"I'm not sure. Kate fainted in the bathroom. I'm taking her blood pressure now. Can you come home and take care of Lily in case I need to take Kate to the hospital?"

"Yeah, I can be home in about 15 minutes." 

"Castle, I'm fine," Kate insisted.

"No, you're not. People don't pass out for no reason, Kate."

"As you can see, my blood pressure is fine."

"I want you to relax and take it easy. I'll give Lily her bath and put her to bed."

Kate could see that Lily was reluctant to leave her side. "Castle, why don't you go and run Lily's bath while I talk to her? Come on, baby. Climb up here." Lily climbed up on the bed and nestled into Kate's side. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Mommy, are my brothers going to make you die?"

"No, baby. Do you remember me telling you the story of how I learned about you?" Lily nodded. "I was so sick, Lily. I was sick for a very long time. Having two babies is harder than having just one little girl. That means that you and daddy will get to take care of me so that your two brothers can get here safely."

"Is it because boys are different than girls? Is that why it's harder?"

"No. A lot of mommies get sick in the beginning when they're having a baby. It will end soon and then I'll just get really fat," she tickled Lily, who burst into giggles.

"Lily," Castle stood in the doorway of the ensuite. "Bath time."

"Go and take your bath. When you're done, I'll read to you."

Kate threw her head back against her pillow once Lily had left the room. She'd barely even had morning sickness during her pregnancy with Lily. She didn't know what was going on, but it was scaring the shit out of her.

True to her word, Kate read to Lily before Castle took her to bed. He returned to their bedroom a few minutes later, crawling into bed beside Kate and pulling her down to his chest. "You're scaring me, Kate."

"If I don't feel better by Monday, I'll call Dr. O'Malley."

"I suppose I can't talk you into calling in sick tomorrow."

"Castle, I'm pregnant, not sick. I'll tell you what," she struggled to sit up. "Drop Lily off with your mother and you can come in to babysit me. Just like old times."

"In the old days, you used to babysit me."

"In the old days, you needed to be babysat," she grinned.

"True. I'm sure Mother will love spending the day with Lily. I wonder what Broadway soundtrack she'll introduce her to this time."

"I think our daughter is the only preschooler who knows the soundtrack to 'My Fair Lady.' I promise to remain in my office until you arrive."

"Good. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we have a murderer to arrest."

 **A/N #5: The feud story is based on my own real life. I said something over Thanksgiving that I'm never going to be able to live down.**

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	41. Answers

**SUMMARY: Kate gets a diagnosis for her mystery ailment while an arrest is made in Eddie Miller's murder.**

 **A/N #1: To the guest reviewer who asked if I seriously blame N/F for my writer's block, the answer is yeah, I kind of really do. If you send me a PM, I'll explain why.**

 **A/N #2: I'm estimating that this story has about five chapters left. There will be slight time jumps in the remaining chapters.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 41: Answers**

It was the burning urge to pee that awoke Kate in the wee hours of the morning. She sat up, taking a deep breath to quell the dizziness that overtook her. She didn't need a thermometer to know that she was now running a fever. Which meant that she was battling an infection of some sort. An infection wasn't good for her and it especially wasn't good for the twins.

Castle was in a deep sleep when he felt a hand shaking him. He opened his eyes and saw Kate sitting up next to him. "Kate? What's wrong?" He struggled to sit up.

"Castle, I think I need to go to the emergency room. I'm running a fever."

"Okay," he got up, instantly wide awake. "You stay here. I'm going to go upstairs and wake Alexis up to let her know so that she can stay with Lily."

"Castle, don't wake Lily—"

"No, I won't," he pressed his lips to her forehead, wincing when he felt how warm she was. "Can you pull some clothes on?"

"Yeah. I'll be ready by the time you come down from Alexis' room."

Castle quickly took the stairs to Alexis' bedroom and quietly walked in. His oldest daughter was sound asleep under a printed quilt that had been a gift from Kate the Christmas before. "Alexis?" He softly shook her. "Alexis? It's dad. I need you to wake up."

"Dad?" Alexis rolled over and sat up, confusion in her blue eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. Kate's running a temperature. I'm going to take her to the ER. I didn't want to wake Lily up."

"What do you want me to tell her when she wakes up?"

"I don't know. Hopefully, we won't have a long wait and we'll find out what's going on. I'll text you."

"Okay. Dad? I hope everything's okay."

"Me, too."

Kate leaned against Castle during the elevator ride down to the garage. "Are you feeling nauseous?"

"No. My head hurts and I'm dizzy."

"We'll be at New York Pres soon," he helped her into the Buick and buckled her in.

Fortunately, when they arrived at the ER, they took Kate to a trauma room immediately. A P.A. came in and began taking her vital signs. "How far along are you?"

"Almost 21 weeks with twins."

"What's been going on?"

"I began throwing up yesterday when I woke up. Last night, I fainted. I woke up about an hour ago and knew I was running a fever. I'm also dizzy and my head hurts."

"Fainting during pregnancy isn't uncommon. Neither is vomiting."

"Could it be hyperemesis?"

"No. Hyperemesis never starts past the first trimester. Let me get a urine sample and we'll see what's going on. It could be something as simple as a stomach bug or a virus."

Kate gave the requested sample and then lay back to wait. She was rubbing her baby bump, and talking to the babies when the door opened and a young doctor in a white lab coat came in, carrying a tablet. "Mrs. Castle?" He looked at Kate, who nodded. "I'm Dr. Menzies. You have a kidney infection. We're going to start you on I.V. antibiotics and get you re-hydrated. Depending on how you respond, hopefully we'll release you in a few hours."

"Hours? Doctor, I have a four-year-old daughter waiting for me at home, and a job to get back to. I need to get home."

"I see that your doctor is Dr. George O'Malley. Would you like for me to call him?"

"Would you, please? And, can you ask my husband to come in here?"

"I will do that. While I'm here, would you mind if we check on the babies?"

"No, I'd like that. Will this infection affect them?"

"No. We caught it in time. Make sure that you're drinking plenty of water. Now, let's look at those babies."

He squirted transducer gel on Kate's stomach and turned on the ultrasound. "You mentioned that you have a daughter. What's her name?"

"Lily," Kate smiled, watched the strange images on the screen that were her babies. "She calls the twins her baby brothers."

"You should know pretty soon whether they're her baby brothers or her baby sisters."

"She insists that they can't be sisters. Apparently, baby sisters are toy thieves."

"Dr. Menzies, I'm here to start Mrs. Castle's IV's," a young nurse entered the room.

"The babies are looking great," the doctor assured Kate. "I'll go and get your husband and make that call to Dr. O'Malley."

"Thank you."

Castle walked into the room just as the nurse finished starting her I.V. "I'll come and check on you when that finishes. Call if you need anything."

"Thank you," she looked over and smiled at Rick. "I'm okay, Castle. Or, I will be."

"I know. I just got an update from Doogie Howser."

"I don't think anybody here has graduated from high school," Kate grinned, holding her hand out to him.

"How are you feeling?" He pulled a stool up to her bed and grasped her hand.

"Better. I'm going to be here at least a few hours, maybe longer. I don't want to stay, Castle."

"Let's wait and see what happens. Kate, you have to do what's best for the babies and for you."

"I know. Dr. Menzies is going to call Dr. George. I'm going to try to get some sleep until he gets here. You need to text Alexis."

"What about the boys?"

"I'll call them when I know more. Right now, I'm just really tired. I think whatever is in this I.V. is making me sleepy."

"Then, close your eyes," he got up and walked over to the wall switch by the door, flipping it and plunging the room into semi-darkness.

***CCC***

Alexis was sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of coffee when she heard the patter of small feet. "Hey, Sunshine," she smiled when Lily walked into the room, rubbing her eyes.

"Where's mama and daddy?"

"Your mommy wasn't feeling well, so daddy took her to the doctor. They should be home soon."

"Were my brothers making her throw up again?"

"I don't know. Dad woke me up and told me to keep an eye on you."

"I can take care of myself."

"Of course you can, because you're such a grown-up," Alexis teased, laughing when Lily rolled her eyes. "Would you like some pancakes?"

"I had pancakes yesterday."

"Then, what would you like?"

"Can I have a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Lily, a grilled cheese sandwich isn't breakfast food."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. It just isn't."

"Is there a rule somewhere?"

"Well, no."

"Then, why can't I have one? You asked me what I liked and right now, I'd like a grilled cheese sandwich."

Alexis figured that it was hard to argue with that kind of logic. She went into the kitchen and prepared a grilled cheese sandwich for Lily. "Thank you, Alexis," the little girl grinned when her older sister placed the sandwich in front of her.

***CCC***

It was the sound of Castle chuckling that woke Kate up. She glanced to her right and saw him sitting in a chair at her bedside, checking his cell phone. "What's so funny?" She struggled to move to a more comfortable position.

"Alexis is going to be such a pushover when she has kids," he handed his phone to Kate. "Read her text messages."

"Seriously, Castle? Grilled cheese for breakfast?"

"Hey, it could be worse. She could've asked for mint chocolate chip ice cream."

"I'm sure Alexis would've drawn the line on that one. I think we're going to have to have a chat with our daughter about her button pushing abilities."

"Kate, this is a pick our battles moment. Grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast isn't that big of a deal. I used to eat worse than that when my mother left me with all those babysitters from hell when I was a kid."

"Still, she's taking advantage of Alexis, because she knows that her sister will rarely tell her no about anything."

"Then, maybe Alexis is the one we should be talking to."

"Knock, knock," Dr. O'Malley walked into the room. "I'm sure that you're anxious to get home to Lily, so I'm here to see if we can make that happen. Castle, can Kate and I have a few minutes?"

"I'll update Alexis," Castle took his phone from Kate before leaving the room.

"Is this going to be a recurring problem?" Kate asked after Castle had vacated the room.

"It could be. As you're too-well aware from your pregnancy with Lily, your bladder doesn't completely empty during pregnancy, especially during the latter part. I want you to drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. I also want you to cut down on your coffee drinking."

"Dr. George, I only drink two cups a day now."

"One cup would be better and actually, one cup every other day might be better still. Kate, I'm trying to help you avoid potential problems down the line. Problems that could force you on bed rest. I'm going to have a nurse come in and get another urine sample. If the IV antibiotics are doing their job, then I'll get you out of here."

***CCC***

"How's Beckett feeling, Castle?" Ryan asked.

"She's okay. We're waiting for the latest labs to come back. We're hoping that she gets to go home soon. Dr. O'Malley cut her coffee intake down, so she's not happy about that. She wanted an update on the case."

"Tell her not to worry about the case. We've got it under control. John Miller is due any time now and we'll find out if he's a good suspect or not. Tell Beckett to take it easy."

"I will. I'll have Kate call you later."

"Thanks, Castle. Give her our best," Ryan ended the call. "Beckett has a kidney infection and the doctor has cut down her coffee even further," he reported to Espo.

"Bro, that's just cruel and unusual punishment to take away a person's coffee," Espo took a swig from his own mug to emphasize his point.

"Speaking of cruel and unusual punishment, it looks like our prime suspect is here," Ryan nodded toward the elevator.

"Mr. Miller?" Espo rose to his feet, walking toward the older man, who appeared nervous to be at a police station. "I'm Det. Esposito and this is my partner, Det. Ryan. Before we talk to you, we need to advise you of your rights. Are you okay with that?" 

"Yeah, sure."

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to a lawyer and to have him present with you while you are being questioned. If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent you before any questioning if you wish. You can decide at any time to exercise these rights and not answer any questions or make any statements. Do you understand each of these rights I have explained to you? Having these rights in mind, do you wish to talk to us now?" Ryan read off a card he pulled from his pocket.

"Yeah, I'll talk."

They led John Miller to an interrogation room. "Please, have a seat," Espo motioned to one side of the table. "We have some questions about the murder of your brother, Edward."

"Yeah, I figured that you might. Are either of you married?"

"I am," Kevin said.

"He was disrespecting my wife. _My wife_. I didn't like his wife. None of us did. But, I would never disrespect her."

"I'm sorry. I'm not following you," Ryan glanced over at Esposito. "Mr. Miller, are you confessing?"

"You said your name was Ryan, right?" Ryan nodded, so the suspect continued. "You're Irish, so you get it. We protect our families. We also drink hard and some of us have bad tempers. I got the bad temper in my family. It got me sent to prison for killing a guy in a bar fight. I hit him in the head with an eight ball and fractured his skull. I swore when I was released from the joint that I'd never go back. Vanessa and my wife have never gotten along. But, it was always just between them. So, I stayed out of it. So, did Eddie. But, then she started bitching to Eddie about it. Eddie came to me a couple of weeks ago and told me that I needed to talk to my wife. Tell her to apologize to Vanessa for the things that she was saying. I told him, 'Sure, I'll talk to her.' But, then, he goes, 'Maybe you should keep the stupid bitch on a tighter leash. Teach her some respect.' I can't have anybody, not even my own blood brother, disrespect my wife."

"What happened?"

"I knew that Eddie had jury duty. He'd been complaining about it the weekend before. I just wanted to talk to him. I called him and asked if he could meet me outside the courthouse. I knew he'd get a break at some point. When he came outside, at first, we were cool. Then, he again told me that my wife needed to apologize. I told him that my wife would apologize when he apologized for what he'd said. He told me that he refused to apologize for something he felt was the truth. That's when . . . I just lost it. I started hitting him."

"What did you hit him with?" Ryan asked.

"A baseball bat."

"What did you do with the murder weapon?"

"It's in a shed in my backyard. Under some old tarps. I just snapped."

"Mr. Miller, there's just one problem with claiming that you 'just snapped.' You showed up for a meeting with your brother armed with a baseball bat. You attacked him in the one area of the courthouse where there are no cameras. We ran a background check on you. Before you were sent to Sing-Sing, you worked construction. One of the projects you worked on were renovations of the courthouse. You knew that place like the back of your hand; all the nooks and crannies; all the blind spots. You would know all the places to commit a murder there and not be seen. John Miller, you're under arrest for the murder of Edward Miller," Espo motioned for two uniformed officers to enter the room.

***CCC***

"Would you mind once again explaining to me why we're sitting here playing Old Maid in our pajamas?" Hayley asked Alexis.

"Because, it's a pajamas party," Lily patiently explained. "Haven't you ever had a pajamas party?"

"Pajama party," Alexis corrected her younger sister. "Lily and I didn't feel like getting dressed and since I knew you'd be bored, we invited you to the party." Lily nodded and smiled brightly.

"Mommy can join our party when she gets home. Daddy, too."

"How is Kate feeling?"

"Dad said they should be home soon. Who's turn is it?"

"Mine," Lily looked at Hayley's hand and carefully selected a card from it, smiling when she paired it with cards in her own small hand.

"Hey, poker face. Stop smiling because you got such grand cards," Hayley complained.

"They're not grand cards. They're great cards!"

"Remind me to _never_ take this girl to Las Vegas," Hayley whispered to Alexis.

Downstairs in the lobby, Castle and Kate were getting on the elevator, all while Kate was on the phone with the boys. "Did you find the murder weapon?"

"Yep. Right where he said it would be. Under a pile of tarps in his tool shed. His wife had no idea. We called Vanessa Miller and told her that we made the arrest."

"Okay. Thanks, Ryan. Dr. O'Malley wants me to take tomorrow off, but I'll be in bright and early on Tuesday."

"So, it was the brother?" Castle looked at Kate.

"John Miller felt that his brother was dissing his wife. Something about family drama. It makes me glad that we're both only children."

"We saved the family drama for our children," Castle grinned, taking out his key when they rounded the corner of the corridor and stopped in front of their apartment.

Sitting at the dining table, Lily's face brightened when she heard the key in the door. "Mommy! Daddy!" She jumped off her chair and raced to greet them.

"As usual, you get top billing," Castle gathered Lily into his arms before she could crash headlong into her mother. "Hey, Sunshine. Why aren't you dressed?" He took notice of her pajamas and bathrobe.

"Because, Alexis, Hayley, and me are having a pajamas party."

"You mean, a pajama party," Kate corrected her.

"Mom, that's what I said."

"Alexis, Hayley, and I," Castle corrected her further.

"No," Lily shook her head. "Daddy, you weren't here. Mommy, are my brothers still making you sick?"

"No, I'm feeling much better now."

"Is everything okay?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. It's a kidney infection and I have some antibiotics. The doctor told me to take it easy today and tomorrow. Thank you for taking such great care of Lily today, Alexis."

"Are you kidding? We had a blast. I hope that her brothers are as easy as she is."

"On that note, I'm going to go home," Hayley got up and went to get her coat. "I'll see you in the office tomorrow, Alexis."

Later that night, Kate was resting against the headboard of Lily's bed with her small daughter snuggled beside her. "Lily, you do know that your two brothers might be two sisters."

"I know, but I don't want them to be sisters. Will you know before they come out?"

"Yes. Just like I knew what you were before you were born. Would you like to see what you looked like before you were born?" Lily nodded eagerly, so Kate got up and went to get Lily's baby book. "These are called ultrasound pictures. That's what you looked like when you were inside me."

"I didn't even look like a baby."

"Well, in the first one you didn't. This was a little later. This was when we found out that you were a little girl."

"How did you know I was a girl? I can't even tell," Lily squinted at the grainy images.

"Auntie Jenny explained that if you had been a boy, we would've known it."

"Oh," Lily nodded in understanding. "Could one be a brother and the other a sister?"

"No, baby. Because I'm having identical twins. That means they look exactly alike. Identical twins are always going to be the same; either two boys or two girls."

"Will you get sick and have to go to the hospital again? Because, I was really scared when I woke up and you weren't here," tears sprang in the little girl's eyes.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. Daddy didn't want to wake you up, because we didn't want you to be scared. I don't know if I'll get sick again. I hope that I don't."

"When will you know if I'm having two brothers or two sisters?"

"I go to see my doctor in a few days. Hopefully, that's when I'll know. And, if they're two brothers, daddy and I will tell you their names then. Okay?"

"They already have names?"

"Yes, they do. If they're brothers. We don't have little sisters' names picked out, yet."

"How did you pick my name?"

"When I was sick and in the hospital, I had a very nice doctor named Lily. She was the one who told me and daddy about you. And your middle name is because of your Grandma Johanna. She was my mommy." 

"If I have two sisters, can I help pick their names?"

"Yes, you can. But, right now, I need for you to go to sleep. It's been a very long day for everybody, and I am very tired." Kate got up from the bed and bent down to kiss Lily on the forehead. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Daddy will come in to kiss you goodnight soon. Stay in bed."

"I will."

Kate returned to the living room, just to catch part of Castle and Alexis' conversation. ". . . Grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast and pajama parties. Your kids are going to be spoiled rotten."

"Come on, dad. She was scared. It wasn't like I gave her a bag of candy or a half gallon of ice cream for breakfast. And, if I remember, you sometimes used to let me have pajama parties when I was a kid. Under a blanket fort, if memory serves."

"Alexis, you did great," Kate came into the room to defend her stepdaughter. "Lily adores you and that's what matters."

"Wait," Castle stuttered. "Kate, you were the one—"

"Castle, I'm very tired. Kiss your daughters' goodnight and meet me in our bed," Kate motioned for him to follow her. "Say goodnight."

"Goodnight, Pumpkin," Castle got up and kissed Alexis goodnight.

"Goodnight, dad. Goodnight, Kate."

Kate was almost asleep when Castle got into bed after bidding Lily goodnight. "I'm glad that you and the babies are okay. I was really scared."

"Me, too," Kate snuggled closer, smiling when she felt Rick's arm come around her. "But, me on less caffeine is going to be even scarier."

"However will we endure?" He teased, gasping when he felt her elbow him in the ribs.

 **A/N #3: The remaining chapters will deal with the upcoming pregnancy and the birth.**

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	42. Surprises and Revelations

**SUMMARY: Kate and Rick learn the sex of the twins while a meeting with Lily's teacher reveals surprising information.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 42: Surprises and Revelations**

"Lily, what're you doing up there?" Rick stood at the bottom of the staircase. "I have to go pick mommy up at work!"

"I had to find everybody," Lily made her way slowly down the stairs, pulling her small traveling bag behind her, the bag hitting the steps with a thud with every step his small daughter took.

"You're just visiting Grams for a few hours. You're not moving in with her. Don't you have dolls at her apartment?"

"Not these dolls, daddy," Lily gave her father her most exasperated look; the one he'd seen on Kate far too many times to count.

"Come on, let's get your coat on," he assisted her with her coat. "Can you handle your doll family, or do you want me to take the suitcase?"

"Daddy, I'm not helpless."

"I never said that you were. Come on, let's go."

Castle opened the door and waited for Lily to exit before locking up and walking toward the elevator. He smiled when Lily pressed the 'down' arrow. "Mommy said that if she has my two brothers in her, you'll tell me their names," she said once the doors slid closed.

"We'll tell you tonight."

"Daddy, have I ever met my Lily?"

"What're you talking about?"

"My Lily. The Lily I was named for. Have I ever met her?"

"I think mommy took you to meet her, but you were just a baby."

Once the elevator stopped in the parking garage, Castle led Lily to his Buick, helping her into her car seat before placing her suitcase in the floor. "Daddy, I don't think my brothers are going to fit in this car," Lily stated, looking around the backseat. "You'll have to put them in the trunk."

"Lily, while the trunk is very roomy, it's against the law for your brothers to ride in there."

"You won't get in trouble. Mommy's the police. So are Uncle Javi and Uncle Kevin. And, Auntie Victoria. Auntie Victoria is the head police. She told me."

"Lily Johanna, your brothers _aren't_ riding in the trunk."

"It was just a suggestion."

"Well, it was a very bad suggestion," Castle chuckled to himself as he pulled out into early morning traffic. "Don't forget that mommy and I are talking to Mrs. Tully this afternoon."

"I remember."

"Is there anything you need to tell me before we meet with your teacher?"

"Daddy, I always bring smiley faces home. I'm always good at school."

***CCC***

Kate sat back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head. Castle had just sent her a text message to let him know that he had dropped Lily off with his mother and he was on his way to pick her up for their appointment with Dr. O'Malley. "Today is D-Day, guys," she rubbed her stomach, which seemed to get bigger every day. "We get to find out if you're boys or girls."

"Hey, Beckett," Kevin popped his head in the door. "Are you going to come back after your appointment?"

"I doubt it. We have a meeting with Lily's teacher."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. She assured us that it's nothing to worry about. She just wants to discuss Lily's progress with us."

"We had to meet with Nicky's teacher a few weeks ago. Our son likes to chase the girls around the playground and kiss them. The teacher feels there's an issue with this."

"Teachers always think the worst, even in five and six-year-old's. I think it's cute," Kate smiled.

"It is, but we still had to have a talk with him."

Kate's smile suddenly got huge, causing Kevin to turn to see what she was looking at. "Ryan, am I interrupting something?" Castle asked.

"No. We were discussing the kids. You know we miss you around here."

"I miss being here. Kate, are you ready?"

"Yeah," she slipped into her coat before leaving the office, closing, and locking the door behind her. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Are you still having the reveal party Saturday?" Kevin called after her.

"Yeah!"

Half an hour later, they were sitting in Dr. O'Malley's crowded waiting room. Kate was flipping through a baby magazine while Castle was playing on his phone. "Lily told me this morning that her brothers are going to have to ride in the trunk because there's no room in the backseat."

"I was thinking that same thing." She laughed when she saw the look of horror on his face. "Not about making the twins ride in the trunk. I was thinking that we're going to have to get a bigger vehicle."

"We could get one of those seven-seater SUV's that are all the rage."

"We're going to have to go car shopping."

"Definitely. But, you are the police."

"Your point being?"

"Lily told me that since you and the boys are the police and Auntie Victoria is now the chief, I can do whatever I want."

"In your dreams, bud."

"I'll let you explain that to our daughter."

After another 45 minutes of waiting, they were finally escorted to an examination room. "Dr. O'Malley will be right with you."

Kate sat on the edge of the examining table watching in amusement as her husband went poking around the room. "Would you leave things alone? Sometimes, you're worse than your daughter."

"But, look how well touching things turned out with you," he walked over and wrapped his arms around her ever-expanding waist, brushing his lips to hers.

"Yes. Thanks to you, I have two beings in here fighting for space," she teased.

"I know. I'm such a stud."

Kate rolled her eyes but couldn't help laughing as she kissed him.

"Okay, cut it out. That's how Kate got in this condition to begin with," Dr. O'Malley walked into the room. "So, today's the big reveal. Are we ready?"

"I've been ready," Kate announced.

"As soon as Kelly gets in here, we'll get started. Your weight and blood pressure are good. Are you still taking the antibiotics for the kidney infection?"

"I have two days' worth left."

"It's important that you take all of them."

The nurse arrived moments later. Kate relaxed on the table while Dr. O'Malley squirted gel on her bare stomach. "Since the babies are identical, I only need to get a good look at one of them. What're we hoping for?"

"Boys. Lily is positive that she has two brothers."

They watched in fascination while the doctor moved the transducer over the two babies. It was strange to see two sets of arms and legs instead of just one. "Here we go," the doctor slowly moved the wand over one of the images. "Twin A is definitely a boy, which means that Twin B is his brother. Congratulations. Lily has her two brothers."

"Oh my god," Kate burst into tears. "And, they're okay?"

"Kate, they are perfect," the nurse wiped the gel from Kate's stomach and Castle helped her to sit up, drawing her close and pressing his lips to the top of her head, his tears falling on top of her head. "We want to get you as close to 36 weeks as we can."

"Can I go past that?"

"You can, if you feel up to it. But, most mothers of multiples are very uncomfortable by that point. You can have a natural delivery if you don't have any complications and if Twin A is in a vertex or head-down position. But, I think that you should pick an induction date, anyway."

"Okay."

He picked up his tablet and brought up the calendar app. "Your original due date would've been May 6. Thirty-six weeks will bring you back to the first week of April. Is there any date you like during that week?"

Kate looked at the calendar, then at Castle, and back at the calendar, smiling all the while. "Yeah, I have the perfect date. April first."

"April Fool's Day? Well, you won't forget their birthdays, that's for sure."

"That's not the only reason I'm picking that date. Castle's birthday is the first of April. I gave him a murder mystery for his birthday one year. What do you say, Castle? Will having your sons on your birthday blow your mind?"

"Yeah, that would make it the best birthday ever!"

"Then, we'll schedule you for April first. Kelly will give you the date for your next appointment. You know to call me if you have any questions."

"Thank you, Dr. George." She waited until the doctor and his nurse had left the room before turning her attention to Castle. "Two boys, Castle. How do you feel?"

"How do I . . . how do I feel? Kate, right now, there are no words. I love you," he pulled her close. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you, too. Lily is going to be so happy."

Half an hour later, they walked into Marlowe Prep for their conference with Lily's preschool teacher, Mrs. Tully. They found the teacher in the classroom, working on paperwork. She looked up when Kate and Castle entered the room. "Mister and Mrs. Castle, thank you so much for coming. Please have a seat. Mr. Myers will be joining us shortly."

"Mr. Myers?" Castle was surprised to learn that the principal of the elementary school students would be joining them. "Is there a problem?"

"No, everything's fine. But, there are some things we both wanted to discuss with you. Lily is a delight. Most days, I wish that I had a class full of Lily's. And, other days—"

"Not so much," Kate filled in.

"Lily is such an empathetic child and she has a lot of friends. She's very excited about becoming a big sister. She talks about it all the time. And, that's something that I wanted to talk to you about before Mr. Myers gets here. In the last few weeks, Lily has been teaching biology class during recess."

"Oh no," Kate groaned and put her head in her hands.

"It's nothing to worry about. And, it's not anything that is too graphic in nature. I just thought that you might want to talk to her."

"We will," Kate promised.

At that moment, Mr. Myers entered the room. After greeting Rick and Kate, he took a seat beside Mrs. Tully. "I'm going to come straight to the point. Lily is extremely bright. Have you given any thought of enrolling her in the gifted and talented program? She could start this fall."

"When Alexis was in Kindergarten, they wanted to place her in that program. I decided against it, because she was happy being with her friends. Kate and I will certainly talk about it, but my feeling is I don't want Lily to feel singled out for being smart."

"When would you need an answer?" Kate asked.

"There's no rush, but of course, sooner would be better than later."

"One of us will get back with you when we reach a decision. Was there anything else?" Kate asked.

"No. Thank you for coming in."

Neither of them said anything until they left the school and got back in the car. "You have strong feelings about this," Kate stated as Rick started the car.

"Yeah, I do," he turned to face her. "Kids are cruel, Kate. They're especially cruel to other kids that they deem as being different. I was proud of Alexis being so bright. I had a feeling that I was going to hear this conversation when it came to Lily."

"I just worry about Lily becoming bored and causing distractions in the classroom because she doesn't have enough to challenge her. Maybe we could ask her and let her decide."

"Kate, she's four."

"She also is her parents' child."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that she can decide some things on her own."

"Yeah. Like what kind of cereal she wants for breakfast or what color socks to wear to school. I don't think this is the kind of decision we want to dump on her. There's something else we need to talk about. Do you really think we should tell her what the babies are before the party on Saturday? I mean, we're not even telling my mother or Alexis, but we're going to tell our four-year-old."

"Castle, I promised her."

"I was thinking that we could make her a part of the reveal party. We're still going to put a bunch of blue helium balloons into a big box, right?" He waited for Kate to nod before he continued. "We can let her open the box to release the balloons."

"I like that idea. But, what do we tell her when she asks about the babies?"

"The truth. That she'll find out on Saturday when everybody else does. You're the one who's always saying that she needs to learn that she doesn't always get things her way."

"In the meantime, we need to talk to her about how babies are born."

When they arrived at Martha's, Lily was having a snack. "How are you feeling, darling?" Martha brought Kate a plate with some fruit and cheese.

"Good. Much better than I was over the weekend."

"Am I having two brothers or two sisters?" Lily asked.

"We'll talk about that when we get home," Castle replied. "You need to get your dolls picked up."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, you're not in trouble."

"Your voice doesn't sound like I'm not in trouble."

"Lily, do what I said, please."

Kate watched in amusement as Lily gathered up her dolls and put them back in the suitcase. "Lily, why did you bring all your dolls? Grams has dolls here for you to play with."

"I needed to bring these dolls, mommy."

"Do you need any help with the party on Saturday?" Martha asked.

"No. The caterers will be there at two. The party starts at four."

"I can't wait to see what my new grandbabies are going to be," Martha hugged Kate.

"We're all excited," Kate hugged her back. "We'll see you Saturday." 

During the ride home, Kate listened to Lily chattering from her car seat. So far, she hadn't asked any more questions about the babies. But, that was only because she had been successful in steering her away from that topic. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Tacos."

"Okay. We can make tacos."

"Did Mrs. Tully say bad things about me?"

"No, she said you're doing very well. However, we need to have a talk when we get home."

"Whatever she said, I didn't do it."

"Lily, relax. We'll talk when we get home."

When they walked into the loft, Lily was clearly sulking as she pulled her suitcase back up the stairs to put her dolls away. "She thinks she's in big trouble," Castle chuckled as he sat down beside Kate on the sofa.

"I wasn't ready to have this conversation, yet."

"You knew that you were going to have to have it with her at some point."

"I know," she looked over at the staircase where Lily was standing. "Come downstairs."

"Am I going to lose my tablet?"

"Lily, you're not in trouble. Come sit with me and daddy." Once Lily was seated, Kate took a deep breath before she began speaking. "Have you been telling your friends at school where babies come from?"

"No. I told Trinity and Justice that you have two babies in your tummy. They wanted to know how they got in there. I didn't tell them because I don't even know," Lily dramatically threw her hands up for emphasis. "I told them that it had to be magic. That's what Grams told me. I don't care how they got in. I want to know how they're going to get _out_."

Kate had had several long discussions with Jenny about how to explain childbirth to Lily. Jenny had cautioned her to keep it simple and not to give more information than Lily was asking for. "The babies are going to grow inside of me and when they get big enough, I'll go to the hospital to have them."

"But, _how_ will they come out? You told me that you don't have a door on your stomach."

"Women have a special place on their bodies where we can push babies out when they're ready to be born."

"Does it hurt?" Lily made a face.

"Yeah, it hurts. But, the second the baby is placed in the mommy's arms, the pain goes away."

"Did it hurt when you had me?"

"Yes, but the first time that I saw you, Lily, I was so happy. And, when I see the new babies, I'll be happy, too."

"What are the new babies going to be? Am I having brothers or sisters?"

"Lily," Lily turned to look at her father. "Mommy and I want you to help us on Saturday when we tell everybody what we're having."

"But, how can I help if I don't know?"

"We're going to make you part of the reveal."

"Mommy, you promised," Lily whined, suddenly sounding every bit of her four-year-old self.

"Lily, it isn't fair for you to know when we haven't told anybody else. The only reason you learned about two babies was because you were listening in on a conversation you shouldn't have been listening to. Daddy and I promise that you're still going to have fun on Saturday. It's only a few more days to wait."

"Can I go play until dinner is ready?"

"Yes, you can go play until dinner is ready."

Lily got up and started walking to her room, stopping mid-way to shoot another disappointed glance her parents' way. "That was rough," Kate sat against the back of the sofa, letting out a breath.

"Just wait until she wants to start dating."

"At least she didn't have a complete meltdown."

After dinner, Kate gave Lily a bath and took her to her bedroom, where she read to her. Once Lily was asleep, one arm clutching her gray and pink stuffed elephant, Kate remained where she was, just watching her baby daughter sleep. It was bittersweet to realize that her firstborn was no longer her baby. That, soon, she'd be her oldest child and only daughter. She remembered all the firsts that she'd shared with Lily; holding her in her arms for the first time just moments after her birth. The first time she'd been called 'Mama.' Lily's first, tottering steps in hers' and Castle's bedroom. Her first day at preschool.

"Hey," she looked over to find Castle standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just watching her sleep," she got up, straightening the blanket over Lily before walking over to join Castle. "I guess I'm feeling a little nostalgic. She's going to be my only little girl, Castle."

"I remember," he began, taking Kate's hand and leading her from the bedroom, "talking to Gina after we got married. I wanted to have another child, but Gina didn't. I remember sitting at Alexis' bedside, much as you were just now, thinking that Alexis was going to be my only child. It was very sad. Then, we got married and had Lily. Yes, Lily's going to be your only daughter, but she's not going to be your only child. We're going to have sons, Kate. That means, that the Rodgers or Castle name won't die with me. I can't believe that I'm going to have boys. I don't even know how to take care of boys."

"Me, either," she laughed. "I guess we'll figure it out together."

***CCC***

Saturday morning, Castle was airing blue balloons with a helium tank and then shoving them into a large box which was decorated on the outside with the words: 'ARE WE BOYS OR ARE WE GIRLS?' in huge block letters. Kate and Lily were still asleep, but he wanted to get the box filled before Lily got up. He finally got the last balloon in, and then added two blue and silver Mylar 'It's a Boy' balloons into the box before sealing the box closed with white string, making sure the box was secure enough to contain the balloons, but easy enough for Lily to untie when it came time for the reveal.

He'd just finished when Lily stumbled into the room, rubbing her eyes. "What's in the box?"

"That has balloons in it. When it's time, you're going to pull the strings and the balloons will float out. That way, everybody will know what the babies are going to be. Pink balloons for girls, and blue balloons for boys."

"What time can I open it?"

"After our guests get here later. Why don't you go see if mommy's awake? Then, I'll make us breakfast."

Early that afternoon, Kate was putting the finishing touches on Lily's hair. Her daughter was adorable dressed in a dark blue dress with a white smock, paired with frilly white socks and black patent leather shoes. Kate had tied her long curls back and secured it with a ribbon that was intertwined with blue and pink. "Let me look at you," Kate turned Lily around. "You look so pretty. Are you excited for the party?"

"I'd be more excited if I knew if we're having boys or girls."

"Lily, we talked about this."

"If I don't like the babies, can we get a dog?"

"Lily, you're going to love the babies. And, you are going to be a great big sister. Just think of all the things that you can teach the babies."

"Can we get a dog, anyway?"

"Daddy and I will talk about getting you a dog after the babies are born. Okay?"

When their guests began arriving, they were given a pin that said, 'I'm Here for the Sex.' The box with the balloons was at the end of the tray holding the refreshments. Beside the box, there was a clipboard where everybody could write their predictions on the sex of the babies. "Kate, you look great!" Jenny hugged Kate.

"Thank you. I'm beginning to feel huge. I get bigger every day. Did you write your prediction down?"

"Yes. Kevin's over there now."

"Hey, Beckett," Ryan walked over, holding a cup of punch for Jenny and a beer for himself. "Do we get any hints before you tell us what you're having?"

"No. But, I will be making an announcement once everybody gets here."

A short time later, Kate was sitting at the table, chatting with Martha and Alexis when Chief Gates came over and sat down. "I hope for your sake that you're having at least one more little girl, Kate. I shudder to think of two more Castle's running around."

"Lily was telling her father the other day that since her Auntie Victoria is the Chief, he can do anything he wants to do. Her first rule of business is making the babies ride in the trunk of the car."

"That's all right, Beckett. My son once locked his sister in a dog crate. He said that was her bedroom from now on."

Castle was in a corner of the room talking to the boys, Jim Beckett, and Chief Gates' husband, Tom, when Kate walked up to him. "Hi," he kissed her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm great. Go and find Lily. Then, I'll make our announcement and she can untie the box. Then, I'll have the caterers bring out the cake."

"Great," his smile was huge as he went to get Lily, who was playing with Sarah-Grace and Nicholas. He was excited to see the cake. It would be the first time he would officially see the names of his sons in print. "Lily? It's almost time to open the balloon box? Are you ready?"

"I've been ready!" Lily jumped into her father's arms, clasping her arms around his neck as he carried her into the middle of the living room.

"You stay here," he placed her on the floor. "Mommy is going to say something really quick, and then you can open the box."

Kate watched Castle pull the box toward Lily before she took a deep breath. "Can I have everybody's attention please? The night that I announced that Castle and I were having twins, there was one small detail that I neglected to mention. Not only are we having twins, but we're having identical twins. Lily is going to open the box and the balloons will reveal if we're having two boys or two girls. Lily, are you ready?" The little girl nodded emphatically. "Okay, go ahead and untie the strings."

Lily pulled one end of the string, which came easily untied and fell away from the box. She pulled one of the box flaps and a sea of blue balloons began floating toward the ceiling. "I'm having two brothers! I'm having two brothers!" Lily jumped up and down in excitement as the room erupted into applause and well wishing.

"Congrats, bro!" Espo hugged Castle tightly, clapping him on the back. "That's great news!"

"Dad, Kate, this is great," Alexis embraced Kate, and then her dad. "Do you have names for them?"

"Yes," Kate motioned for the caterers to wheel out the cake. Written in blue icing on the white sheet cake was 'Congratulations, Jacob and Reece.' "Lily, come here," Kate motioned for Lily to come over, taking one of her hands in hers and placing it on her stomach. "This is your brother, Jake, and this," moving her hand over a bit, "is your brother, Reece."

"Can I talk to them? Will they hear me?"

"Yes, they can hear you," Kate smiled.

"Hi, Jake! Hi, Reece! I'm Lily! I'm your big sister. But, mommy said if I don't like you, then I can get a dog."

"A dog? Seriously, Beckett?" Castle scooped Lily into his arms.

"I told her that we'd _discuss_ it," Kate gave Lily one of her sternest looks.

Later that night, Kate was laying in bed waiting for Castle to finish reading to Lily. "Is she finally asleep?" She asked when Castle came into the room and got into bed beside her.

"Almost. She's so excited, Kate. And, it's so cute. I'm excited, too." He moved so that he could map Kate's stomach with his hands. "How can you tell which twin is which?"

"Jake is Twin A, and he's right here," Kate guided Castle's hand to the spot where he could just discern shapes. "And, here," she moved his hand, "is Reece. I'm beginning to feel them move every once in a while. They feel like they're growing really fast, Castle."

"They are. I can tell that you're getting a little bigger every day. Now that we know what they are, I guess we should get ready to move Lily's bedroom upstairs."

"I'm not ready to move her so far away, Castle."

"Kate, she's going to be upstairs, not on the next continent. And, she's ready for the move."

"I know. It's just . . . it's hard," her eyes welled up with tears.

"We don't have to be afraid, anymore. She's growing up. We've given her as safe an environment as we possibly can. If it will make you feel any better, we'll still keep the baby monitor down here so we can listen for her. At least, until the boys get here. Then, we'll need the monitor for them."

"The boys. Before, that's how we always referred to Ryan and Esposito. Now, we're using it to refer to our sons. Our sons, Castle."

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"I love you, too," she pulled him down for a long, slow kiss, sighing when he lay back and pulled her against him, his hand stroking her back as she drifted off to sleep.

 **A/N #1: The journey is almost at an end. There will be one more chapter and then the epilogue. But, don't despair. You won't be story-free for too long.**

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	43. Happy Birthday Times Two

**A/N #1: After re-reading this part of the story, I've come to realize that my timeline is way off. Please forgive me for this.**

 **A/N #2: I've also decided to change the birthdate of the twins. There will be a significant time jump in this chapter.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **Chapter 43: Happy Birthday Times Two**

 _April 23_

Kate was sitting on the edge of hers' and Castle's bed, meticulously French braiding Lily's shoulder-length hair. She was holding her daughter as close to her as her now extremely pregnant belly would allow. "What are the rules at Grandpa's?"

"Listen to what he says and if it isn't mine, don't touch it. Am I going to spend the night?"

"Probably. I thought that we already talked about this, Lily," she turned Lily around to face her. "Would you rather stay here with Alexis after I have the boys?"

"I don't want you to stay at the hospital," Lily's lower lip began to tremble. "Why can't you come home after Jake and Reece are born?"

"Because, having babies is hard work. I need to rest before I come home. If you want Alexis to pick you up later, she will. But, Grandpa is very excited that you're staying at his house today. I thought that you'd be excited, too."

"Why didn't you have Jake and Reece on daddy's birthday?"

"Because, me, daddy, and the doctor decided that Jake and Reece needed to grow a little more. They weren't quite ready to come out for daddy's birthday. Now, daddy and I need to take you to Grandpa's so that I can go to the hospital."

Castle had packed Lily's small rolling bag with enough toys and dolls to hopefully keep her from getting bored and getting into trouble at Jim's house. "Wow, look at you," he smiled when she walked out of the master bedroom ahead of her mother. "Just think; in a few hours you're going to be a big sister. Are you excited?"

"If I don't like them, can we switch one of them for a dog?"

"I think you're going to love both of your brothers."

An hour later, they were ringing Jim Beckett's doorbell. "Hi, Lily!" He gathered her up into a huge bear hug.

"Here's her bag," Castle placed the suitcase by the front door. "She has extra clothes and enough toys to keep her out of trouble."

"Katie, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous, but excited. Castle will keep you updated and we'll let you know when you can bring her up to see the babies."

Castle handed a gift-wrapped box to Jim. "Let Lily open that before you bring her up."

"I will. Everything's going to be fine," Jim kissed Kate on the cheek. "Lily and I are going to have a great time. Don't worry about a thing."

"Bye, baby," Kate kissed Lily. "Be good for Grandpa, okay?"

"You'll be home tomorrow?"

"I hope so."

"Kate, we need to go," Castle looked at his watch.

"Mommy! Daddy! I want to go with you!" Lily wailed when they started to walk off. Kate turned and looked at her father and daughter as if her heart was going to break.

"Katie, go," Jim motioned for her to follow Castle before quickly closing the door.

"No! I want to go!"

It had been more than 30 years since Jim had had to deal with a child's temper tantrum. "Lily, you need to stop," he said a in firm voice.

"Why can't I go?"

"Because you would be very bored. I need someone to stay here and keep me company."

"Will Jake and Reece be here in five minutes?"

"No, it'll be a little longer than that," Jim placed Lily on the floor.

"An hour?"

"I'm sure it'll be longer than that."

"Did I take a long time to come out?"

"Yeah, you took your time coming out."

"Were you there when I came out?"

"I sure was. I saw you for the first time when you were just a few minutes old. You were about this big," he held his hands a short distance apart.

"Why don't you want to be there when my brothers come out?"

"Because," he knelt in front of her, "I decided that I wanted to stay with you." That earned him a huge smile from Lily. "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. How about some French toast?" Lily nodded eagerly. "Come on, you can help me."

**CCC**

As they walked to the elevator, Kate kept glancing back at her father's apartment. She was puzzled when Castle suddenly stopped and wrapped his arms around her, holding her as closely as her extremely pregnant body would allow. "She's going to be fine," he vowed, feeling Kate rest her head on his shoulder. He smiled when he felt a tiny hand press into him. "Call the cops. Reece is trying to make a run for it."

"Let's go have our sons, Castle," she pulled back, taking in a sudden breath and pressing her hands against her stomach.

"Braxton-Hicks?"

"No," she shook her head. "Definitely _not_ Braxton-Hicks. I've been having pains for a couple of hours."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, I thought they were Braxton-Hicks. But, they're getting closer together."

"How much closer together?" Castle's voice rose in a panic.

"Rick, relax. I'm not giving birth in my father's hallway. But, I'm glad the hospital is fairly close by."

They got on the elevator and rode down to the lobby in silence. "Do you want to wait here while I get the car?" He asked when they got off in the lobby.

"No. I'm going with you."

When they got in the car, Kate pulled out her cell phone and called Dr. O'Malley. "Kate? What's going on? Do you want to wait a little longer?"

"I'd love to, but the boys have decided they don't want to wait to be induced."

"You're in labor? That's good. That's the ideal scenario, to be honest. How far apart are your contractions?"

"They're about eight minutes apart, but they're strong."

"Okay. Get here as soon as you can. Call when you arrive, and I'll meet you in admitting."

"Okay. Let's go, Castle."

"Way ahead of you," he said, pulling into traffic. "Should we call for an escort?"

"Castle, I think we can make it 15 blocks. Just avoid road work."

"Let's hope the traffic lights are on our side."

Castle screeched to a stop in front of New York Presbyterian 15 minutes later. By this time, Kate was gripping his arm hard with every contraction. He got out, grabbed a ticket from a waiting valet, and raced around to help Kate from the car. "Breathe, Kate. We just need to walk a few feet."

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have a kid trying to exit your body!"

"Kate, Rick!" Dr. O'Malley met them with a wheelchair. "Kate, has your water broke?"

"No, but it feels like Jake is about to fall out of me! I've been avoiding pushing for the last eight blocks!"

"Is it normal for them to come this fast?" Castle asked.

"Yeah, it's normal. Let's get you upstairs."

"Uh, Dr. George? I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but . . . oh, shit!"

"Kate, I need for you to just hold on for a few minutes! Let's get you upstairs, stat! Castle, follow us!"

Kate began panting and blowing her breath out, just like she'd learned in class. 'It's not supposed to be happening this fast,' she kept telling herself.

After what seemed an eternity, she was being wheeled into an OR. "Why can't she be in a normal room?" Castle was suddenly terrified. Did Kate know something that he didn't?

"Rick, with a multiple birth, I prefer to deliver in an operating room, just in case. It's more precaution than anything else."

A nurse helped Kate change into a gown and helped her onto the gurney. "Castle?"

"I'm right here," he took her hand, kissing her knuckles. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm scared. What if something goes wrong?"

"No," he shook his head. "They're fine, Kate."

"You're not quite there, yet," Dr. O'Malley stood up after doing a quick exam. "But, you don't have time for an epidural. Let me explain what's going to happen before things go into first gear. When Jake is born, the placenta is going to come with him. Since the boys share a placenta, once Jake is born, we have to get Reece out as soon as possible after him."

"How quick?"

"Once Jake is out, I'll break Reece's amniotic sac. Hopefully, we can get them both here within 15 to 30 minutes of each other. Once Jake is born, we'll do an ultrasound to make sure Reece doesn't flip. After all, he'll have a lot of room once Jake comes out."

"But, I have to stay in here?"

"Yeah, Kate. Once both boys are here safe and healthy, we'll move you and your sons to a room on the L&D floor."

Castle's phone rang. "My mother," he showed Kate the caller id. "Hello, Mother. We're on eight. Go to the waiting room and I'll meet you there." He ended the call and stashed his phone. "Mother and Alexis are on their way up. I'm going to go fill them in. I'll be right back."

"Rick? When you come back, we'll gown you up. Once we do that, you won't be able to leave until both boys are here."

"Okay. Let me let them know what's going on."

Kate made a face when a nurse began hooking machines up to her. "We need to monitor both heartbeats to make sure they're tolerating the labor well," she explained.

Castle found Martha and Alexis in the nearby waiting area. "Richard, what's going on? This is the surgical area. Is Katherine okay? Are the babies?"

"Everything is fine. Because Kate is having twins, Dr. O'Malley wants to deliver her up here as a precaution. From what he just said, Jake is going to be here pretty soon."

"Can we see her?" Alexis asked.

"Not until after she has the boys. In fact, once I go back to her, I can't leave again. I have to put on sterile garb in case Kate has to have surgery. I'll try to update you, but I might have to wait until the twins are both here."

"Well, give Kate a kiss for us."

"I will. Let me get back to her."

The flashing numbers along with the hustle and bustle of the room was beginning to get to Kate. When Castle re-entered the room, dressed in a sterile yellow gown, booties and head covering, instead of laughing, as he'd expected her to, she burst into tears. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Castle, it wasn't like this when we had Lily! When we had Lily, everything was perfect! What if they're lying? What if something is wrong?"

"No, Kate. Shh. They have you in here to make sure that everything goes as perfectly as it did with Lily. I was hoping you'd have something to say about my fashion accessories."

"Yellow isn't your color. They couldn't give you blue?"

"To match my eyes?" She gave him a watery smile.

"Tell me a story."

"What would you like to hear?"

"Tell me about the funniest case we ever worked together."

For the next hour, Castle kept her distracted in between contractions and people coming in and out. They talked about the Fairy Tale murders, the Comic-Con murders, and Castle's favorite, the Zombie. "I've never had as much fun with Perlmutter in my life."

"What did you ask him when that guy came to life on his table?"

"I asked him if there was a police code for a zombie on the loose?"

"How are we doing, Kate?" Dr. O'Malley walked in.

"I was scared, but Castle is good at taking my mind off that."

"There is nothing to be scared of. You've had an uneventful pregnancy, which is rare for twins. Are you sure that you don't want to do this again?"

"No. I think three is our limit."

"Speaking of twins, I think you're ready to get Twin A out of here," he smiled at her. "Remember, the placenta will come out with him, so you won't be able to hold them until they're both here. When you're ready, Kate, take a deep breath and push."

"Are you ready to do this?" Castle asked.

Getting behind her, Castle supported her shoulders as Kate pushed as hard as she could. Looking in the mirror behind Dr. O'Malley, Castle watched his first son slowly emerge, just as he'd watched Lily four years earlier. "Oh my god, Kate. You're doing great. He's almost here."

It took a few pushes for Jake's head to come out, but finally Castle saw the scrunched-up face of his son make his debut. "Kate, I need you to stop pushing," the doctor carefully disentangled the cord from around the baby's neck as the rest of him slid effortlessly into the doctor's waiting hands. Taking a suction device, Dr. O'Malley quickly cleaned out the baby's nose and mouth, finally earning a loud wail from the angry baby. "Kate, this might be a little uncomfortable, but I'm going to break the other amniotic sac, so we can get Reece out of there."

Kate barely heard the 'pop' of the second bag being ruptured, hearing instead the cries of her newborn son. "He is pissed," she smiled at Castle.

"Kate, are you ready to do this again? Because, Reece is every bit as impatient as his brother was."

"Deep breath," Castle whispered in Kate's ear. "I'm ready when you are."

"I'm ready. I want to hold my babies, Castle."

It was no more than 10 minutes later when the sound of a second newborn wailing in indignation filled the room. "Are they okay? Can I hold them?" Kate craned her head to watch medical personnel briskly rubbing the babies and whatever else it was they were doing to them. All Kate knew was she needed them in her arms.

Finally, a nurse walked over with a bundle in each of her arms. "Here is Twin A," she placed him in the crook of Kate's right arm.

"Jacob Richard," Kate corrected, breathing in the warm scent of new baby.

"And, here is Twin B," she placed him in Kate's left arm.

"Reece Alexander. Look at them, Castle. They look exactly like Lily."

"They look like their mama," Castle's voice was emotional.

"They're okay?"

"They look perfect. We'll take them to the nursery and let the pediatrician look them over."

"Do you have to take them now?"

"No, but in a few minutes. We'll bring them back to you soon enough. Besides, I'm sure Lily is anxious to meet her brothers."

****CCC***

"Grandpa, why didn't my mommy have any brothers?" Lily was sitting beside Jim while they looked at a family photo album. Lily loved looking at pictures of her mother when she was small.

"I don't know."

"Do you have brothers?"

"I have a sister. Your Great-Aunt Theresa."

"Is she your big sister or your little sister?"

"She's my little sister."

"So, you get to boss her around?"

"I did when we were kids. You'll get to boss your brothers around."

"I know. I can't wait."

Just then, Jim's phone rang. He saw that it was Rick, so he got up to take the call. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. It seems that Kate was in labor when we got to the hospital," Castle said. "She was almost completed dilated when they got her upstairs. Jake was born at 10:03 and Reece was born exactly 12 minutes later. They're perfect and healthy. Kate is with them now. She wants you to bring Lily up to meet her brothers."

"We'll be right there."

Jim hung up and grabbed the box Rick had given him that morning. He walked back into the living room and held it out to Lily. "Why am I getting a present? It isn't my birthday."

"Daddy gave this to me this morning and said for you to open it before you come to the hospital to meet your brothers. Open it," he urged her.

"Are my brothers already here?" Lily asked, tearing into the package. She revealed a picture with a unicorn on it. Emblazoned in huge letters, the shirt proclaimed, 'I'm the Big Sister to Double Trouble.' "Can I wear it now?"

"I'll help you put it on. We'll also take mommy some flowers."

***CCC***

"The nicest thing about two babies is there will always be a baby to hold," Martha marveled at Jake, who was asleep in her arms. "No fighting over holding a baby like there was with Lily."

"They're gorgeous, Kate," Alexis looked down at Reece.

"How ever are we going to tell them apart?" Martha asked.

"Castle and I can already tell them apart. Jake is quite opinionated. Reece is more laid back."

"Knock-knock," Jim opened the door and led Lily inside. He walked over and kissed Kate on the forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired, but in the best way. Lily, do you want to see your brothers?"

"When are you coming home?"

"Tomorrow, sweetie. Me and the babies will be home tomorrow. Do you want to stay with Grandpa tonight?"

"Why can't I go home with daddy?"

"I'm going to stay here to help mommy with your brothers tonight. Come on, let's meet your brothers," Castle took Lily by the hand and led her over to where Martha was sitting with Jake. "Jake, this is your sister, Lily. Lily, this is Jake."

"He's boring," she looked up at her father.

"Well, he's a little boring right now. But, he won't be for long. Come on, let's meet Reece."

Lily appeared equally as unimpressed with Reece. Kate's eyes filled with tears while watching her. She looked so confused and so lost. "Lily, would you like to hold one of them?" Kate asked.

"I can hold them?"

"You can hold them as long as one of us is with you. Come on, sit down over here," Castle guided her to a chair and went to get a still sleeping Jake from his grandmother. "Hold your arms out," he instructed her.

Everybody took pictures of Lily taking turns holding each of the boys. Afterwards, she got up and began exploring the room, finally discovering the buttons on her mother's bed. "I told Lily that we'd go and get pizza on the way home. So, we're going to go eat. Text or call when you get home tomorrow and I'll bring her home," Jim once again kissed Kate before going over to kiss each of the twins. 

"Thank you, dad. Lily, be good for grandpa. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Will I get more presents tomorrow?"

"Of course, you'll get more presents," Martha assured her. "After all, you're the big sister. We have to prepare you for the role."

After kissing and hugging everybody, Jim led Lily from the room. "Thank you, Martha. I didn't even think to get her more presents."

"It's okay. Alexis and I have some shopping to do, so we're going to let you rest."

After his mother and daughter left, Castle and Kate settled against her bed, each one cradling a twin in their arms. "We have sons, Castle. And they're perfect."

"I love you so much. We now have a perfect, complete family."

"Yes, we do," she smiled and kissed him.

 **A/N #3: All that's left is the epilogue.**

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	44. Epilogue

**A/N #1: This story started as a conversation between friends over lunch in April of 2016. I remember this visit so very well, because it happened exactly a week before Stana Katic was unceremoniously fired from 'Castle.' I posted the first chapter in September of that same year. It is now February of 2018 and I'm finally writing the epilogue. I want to thank everybody who has joined me on this journey. While this hasn't been the longest story I've ever written, it has taken me the longest to complete. I want to thank Kelly and all my muses for the support and for giving me the push to keep going when I wanted to quit.**

 **A/N #2: The epilogue will take place during those final 30 seconds of 'Crossfire.' The setting is roughly May of 2023.**

 **FORGETTING**

 **EPILOGUE**

 _May of 2023_

Kate walked into the loft, carrying one bag while six-year-old Lily carried another bag. Two-year-old twins Jake and Reece brought up the rear. "Mom, why are they always so slow?" Lily asked dramatically when they brought their bags over to the table.

"Not slow, Lily!" Jake protested. "You slow!"

"I'm not, either! I'm faster than both of you put together, you slowpokes!"

"Enough," Kate scolded. "Go see if daddy is awake. Tell him that we brought muffins home for breakfast."

Castle was dozing when he felt the bed bounce. "Either the circus is in town or the children are awake," he opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of his three youngest children surrounding him. "Good morning, my babies," he managed to wrangle all three of them into his arms, laughing when they began laughing hysterically. It was always his favorite part of waking up.

"Daddy, we brought muffins home. It's time to get up," Lily managed to slide out of his arms, pulling on his hands to get him up. "Mom said get up."

"Okay, I'm right behind you."

The last two years had been great. Only good things had happened since the birth of the twins. He'd written a bestseller about Jerry Tyson and the 3XK murders. The book had shot to the top of the bestseller list and had recently been made into a movie starring Mark Wahlberg.

Alexis had gotten married the previous fall and had recently announced that she was going to give birth later that summer. Castle couldn't believe that he was going to be a grandfather. Naturally, Meredith had come unglued at the news, saying she was too young to be a grandmother.

He walked out, rubbing his eyes as the kids ran ahead of him into the dining room. He watched as Kate quickly scooped up little Reece, who went crashing to the floor in his excitement to join his brother and sister at the breakfast table. Kate nibbled on his neck, before placing him in his chair beside Jake. "Don't drink yet," Lily ordered her brothers. "We have to clink glasses first. Wait for mommy and daddy."

Lily then took a muffin from the box and licked the top of it. "Lily," Castle cautioned her.

"I'm going to eat it, daddy."

"Well, duh. Since you licked it."

"Okay, is everybody ready?" Kate asked, after taking her seat beside Castle. The boys picked up their juice cups and Lily her glass of juice as they gently clinked them to their parents' coffee cups.

"I thought I was going to cook breakfast," he reminded her.

"Well, you were up late last night writing and these three are hungry the moment they tumble out of bed. So, I took them to get muffins."

"Muffins are always a hit," he nodded his head toward the boys, who had blueberry all around their mouths.

"Always," she smiled. 

' _Every writer needs inspiration and I found mine.'_ "Always," he picked his coffee cup up, lightly clinking it against hers before taking her hand in his.

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